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The Bull's Prayer, 2014 Edition

Tyler Durden's picture




 

One should never utter The Bull's name in vain.

"Our Fed

 

Who art in Manhattan

 

Yellen be thy name

 

Thy QE come

 

Thy print be done

 

By Ben as it is with Janet

 

Give us this day our daily 1.5 billion

 

And forgive us our savings

 

As we drown with the debtors

 

And lead us not into deflation

 

But deliver us from volatility"

 

Amen

 

h/t B.J.Worthy

 

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Mon, 06/09/2014 - 15:47 | 4838203 john39
john39's picture

don't all FED meetings start with a black mass?

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 16:02 | 4838255 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

Yeah, unfortunately, they only see us as little altar boys to be ass-raped!

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 16:18 | 4838341 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Calling Dr. Winkle, Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, clean up on isle 4.

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 16:45 | 4838465 Badabing
Badabing's picture

Blessed is he who delivers a round into a money changer and the light goes out like the last episode of the Soprano's before he hits the ground.
Beretta 9 mil

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 17:38 | 4838614 J S Bach
J S Bach's picture

While the Fulla-bulls are chanting the Lloyd's Prayer to the omnipotent Fed, the banksters are secretly reciting the Kol Nidre.

 

"All vows, obligations, oaths, and anathemas which we may vow, or swear, or pledge, or whereby we may be bound, from this Day of Atonement until the next we do repent. May they be deemed absolved, forgiven, annulled, and void, and made of no effect: they shall not bind us nor have any power over us. The vows shall not be reckoned vows; the obligations shall not be obligations; nor the oaths be oaths."


Makes sense to me.

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 18:46 | 4838819 knukles
knukles's picture

I've a framed print of Durer's Praying Hands in my office to serve as a reminder of the temporal trappings of money, power, property, prestige, ego and self-centeredness which drive men to the impairment and ultimate destruction of their very souls. 

Sweet touch, Tyler.
Many thanks.

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 16:07 | 4838294 Jonas Parker
Jonas Parker's picture

In the name of the gold, and the silver, and the platinum, Amen.

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 16:30 | 4838386 Id fight Gandhi
Id fight Gandhi's picture

Yeah they have an alter with a hexagram and everything.

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 15:47 | 4838207 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

May your and my Big-Gov scam continue forever-n-ever, Amen!

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 15:49 | 4838217 huggy_in_london
huggy_in_london's picture

Hahahahah that is GREAT!

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 15:52 | 4838225 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I miss volatilty. Markets were  much more fun when it exsisted. It sure beat the hell out of boring old BTFD every day. 

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 15:53 | 4838235 Black Forest
Black Forest's picture

Tho let us praise lower velocity of paper circulation

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 15:57 | 4838249 Rainman
Rainman's picture

funny ...the Lloyd's Prayer.

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 15:56 | 4838250 MountainsRoam
MountainsRoam's picture

Damn that is the hardest I have laughed for a while haha

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 15:58 | 4838254 swass
swass's picture

Thanks for the laugh, Tyler!

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 16:01 | 4838258 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

The Bears Prayer, 2014 edition

"Please help, someobody please just fuckin help me. I'm blind, I can't move my legs and I think someone stuck a couch up my ass....oh lawd it hurts....can anyone hear me?  It's just so dark in here...has anyone seen my SPY puts? I just scaled in again and....oh my lawd someone just stuffed a piano inside my ass next to the couch.....maybe I should just short treasuries....."

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 16:01 | 4838269 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

Matthew 21:12 And Jesus entered the temple and drove out all those who were buying and selling in the temple, and overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who were selling doves. And He said to them, "It is written, 'MY HOUSE SHALL BE CALLED A HOUSE OF PRAYER'; but you are making it a ROBBERS' DEN."

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 16:04 | 4838286 The_Ungrateful_Yid
The_Ungrateful_Yid's picture

We need more like Jesus to smash the evil money changers. Problem is they bought everyone off.

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 16:09 | 4838300 Jonas Parker
Jonas Parker's picture

Truer words were never spoken!

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 16:26 | 4838369 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

You can separate the children from the adults by how well they deal with duplicity.

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 16:36 | 4838418 Id fight Gandhi
Id fight Gandhi's picture

Challenging the money changers got Him arrested and on the cross.

The plan all along was that He would die for our sins. The old covenant was fullfilled with Jesus. But some people still cling to denying His divinity.

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 16:49 | 4838483 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

Why,  he'd deregulate them,  just as Saint Alan Greenspand wanted.     For, who amongst us,  did not worship St Alan Greenspan;  great Merican AND Libertarian. 

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 17:15 | 4838559 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

Really deregulating the monetary system means abolishing the Federal Reserve first.

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 16:37 | 4838335 jsgibson
jsgibson's picture

Infinite fiat is my god; I shall ever want more.

It alloweth me to gain wealth without lifting a finger: it leadeth me beside inflated markets.

It restoreth my bank account: it leadeth me in the ways of Rothschild and JP Morgan.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of bankers, I will fear no nail gun: for thou art with me; thy fraud and thy bonuses they comfort me.

Thou preparest the mainstream media before me in the presence of the gold standard: thou anointest my account with paper; my wallet runneth over.

Surely dishonest weights and measures shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Fed for ever.

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 16:19 | 4838344 tommylicious
tommylicious's picture

For thine is the vega, the theta and the gamma, forever and ever, amen.

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 16:30 | 4838392 kurt
kurt's picture

You're going to Hell!

Pokey pokey pokey, burny burny burny, owey owey owey, tormenty tormenty...

 

and so on.

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 16:40 | 4838439 Id fight Gandhi
Id fight Gandhi's picture

Speaking of religion. "Injustice to wage earners" is one of the 4 sins that cries out to Heaven for vengeance.

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 17:46 | 4838639 BrokusDickusMaximus
BrokusDickusMaximus's picture

It's been a long time since I laughed that hard. Thanks guys.

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 18:03 | 4838678 teslaberry
teslaberry's picture

now for the jew version...

baruch atah adonai cash money print king of the world. 

and yes, bring the anti-semitism on bitches. i can handle it. i am superjew.

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 18:04 | 4838679 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Well done B.J. Worthy.

The new religion of Wall Street and Washington (well, not so new; sanctified?).

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 19:32 | 4838946 Jahbulon
Jahbulon's picture

Now I don't care who you are or what you belive, that is funny!

Mon, 06/09/2014 - 20:41 | 4839133 Treason Season
Treason Season's picture

Nice verse though for those that are unaware it's a take-off of Hemingway's A Clean Well Lighted Place.

"Our nada who art in nada, nada be thy name thy kingdom nada thy will be nada in nada as it is in nada. Give us this nada our daily nada and nada us our nada as we nada our nadas and nada us not into nada but deliver us from nada; pues nada" 

Wed, 06/11/2014 - 11:55 | 4844917 ScratTrader
ScratTrader's picture

Once should never utter the Fed's name in vain lest she stop stimulating thine assets.

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