Self Sufficiency - Lessons from a Mother

Capitalist Exploits's picture

By: Chris Tell at:

Recently I wrote an article explaining why I want my children to go cold and hungry. I've read a lot about resiliency and self sufficiency and I'm oft amused by the concept of resiliency being seen as a setup. A series of items as it were, all provided as a package and required to provide resiliency. Items on the shelf which we can point to and say, "See I have it over there." Like a jar of peanut butter. There's my resiliency.

This is a dangerous way to view things. In the same way that wealth is not a Porsche, a beach house and a Rolex, so too resiliency is not found in items, but rather in something quite different.

Resiliency doesn't lie in having baked beans stashed, a log cabin in the woods, rounds of ammunition, or a purpose-built panic room stocked to the hilt in a suburban house. Resiliency lies in an ability to think and act in a certain way irrespective of what the world throws at you.

The reason I write about this on a financial blog is because self-sufficiency is crucial to business, to entrepreneurs and to investors. As an Angel investor I find myself constantly reviewing deals. Deals, business, heck the world, is really all about people, and successful business is all about flexibility, adaptability and the skill to navigate an increasingly dynamic world.

Flexibility is really another way of saying that challenges will arise and those challenges need to be met, then having the ability and fortitude to deploy the resources required to overcome those challenges.

While I spend most of my waking hours reviewing opportunities, and thus people, I dearly want to ensure that my own children are equipped to deal with the world...and this requires resilience. It is a great honor for me to count as friends, a traveling expat family that we met whilst traipsing across the globe ourselves.

I first met Jennifer and Tony Miller and their brood of amazing children online when researching home schooling strategies for our own children. Subsequently, we've met multiple times in person and shared adventures together. The best way to describe and introduce the Miller family, who they are and what they've achieved is to...well, introduce you.

Jenn maintains a blog which shares some of what the family are up to as they travel the world, educating themselves, working, learning, sweating, laughing and crying together.

Right after my last post Jenn wrote an absolute gem of a piece which explains to a tee what I was trying to get across in my own post. I'd like to share it with you below in its entirety. You can see the post here on her site.

Jenn, 13, chiseling out holes for the electrical boxes in the logs for the houseJenn, 13, chiseling out holes for the electrical boxes in the logs for the house


June is graduation time for many families. Teens graduating high school. Young adults graduating from university. Kindergarteners graduating from their first attempts at formal education and into the long road ahead. It’s a time of celebrating milestones and also of giving gifts. We give gifts to celebrate their accomplishments, which are tiny steps and big leaps towards the ultimate gift we hope to give our kids: Self-sufficiency.


It’s got me thinking about the gifts that we give, as parents, to our children, not at holidays, or graduations, but everyday, over the long haul of a childhood. The gifts that affect who they ultimately become. The gifts that were given to me and how to intentionally craft those into the next generation.


I’ve given it a lot of thought and there are a lot of really important gifts to give our kids, but I keep coming back around to one: Self-sufficiency. Maybe you’d argue that there’s another, more important gift to give, and that’s okay, because there are certainly many that are indispensable. It’s not like we can give only one gift to our kids, we give hundreds of them, every day. But for me, self-sufficiency is the best gift my parents gave me, and the one I’m most determined to pass on. Let me tell you why.


Self-sufficient: needing no outside help in satisfying one’s basic needs, emotionally and intellectually independent


As a caveat, let me say at the beginning that I’m in no way suggesting that we should raise kids outside of community or society. I’m in no way downplaying the importance of building interdependence into our children or fostering a team work attitude. I’m not saying we should raise them not to need anything, or anyone, outside of themselves. That would be silly, and not such a good gift, in the end.


My mom and I have more than once discussed the sad state of my generation: the late-thirty-somethings of the world. She’s worried aloud about the state of the world should something cataclysmic happen. We’re both concerned that my generation lacks the basic skills necessary to make life a rich and vibrant thing without all of the plug-ins that allow us to check out, mentally, physically & practically much of the time. Most people are not truly independent. They don’t know how to take care of themselves. We’ve become entirely reliant on various systems to support our way of life. Too many of us are not self-sufficient.


Much fun is made of the current trend of twenty and thirty-somethings ending up back on their parent’s couch, eating Mama’s cooking, playing video games and going out with friends instead of struggling in a roach ridden one room apartment with a bare bulb to light their nights spent burning the work candle at both ends. I don’t think it’s funny. Are there reasons to move home as an adult? Of course. Life sucks sometimes and we all need to be humble enough to start over. Those aren’t the people we laugh about though. Are they? What’s lacking in these young people? Self-sufficiency.


Somewhere along the way too many people don’t get handed the gift of knowing how to struggle, suffer, do without and figure it out that our parents and our grandparents got; at least most of them.


What is it?


Self-sufficiency can’t be quantified in a check list that we can work our way through as we parent. Unfortunately. That would be nice and easy.


Self-sufficiency isn’t something we can explain to our kids and repeat fifty times until they “get it.”


Self-sufficiency is the deep rooted belief that you can take care of yourself and those around you. 


It is knowing that you can feed, clothe, house, emotionally care for, educate and overcome any obstacle that life throws your way. Why to you believe this? How do you know you can? Because you have in the past. Because you’ve watched others do it and you’ve learned from their example. Because you’ve struggled before with something bigger than yourself and you’re not afraid to struggle again.


What does self-sufficiency look like:

  • A toddler tying her own shoes
  • A five year old working to make his own lunch
  • A seven year old cleaning a bathroom
  • A nine year old walking into town to buy groceries for Mom
  • An eleven year old getting up and doing his school work & chores without being told
  • A thirteen year old who rakes the neighbour lady’s leaves along with his own without being asked
  • A fifteen year old who works a job, holds down a third of the home responsibilities and completes her school work without adult interaction.
  • A seventeen year old who, having graduated early, learns Spanish and stomps back into the Honduran bush, alone, on a humanitarian mission.

Self-sufficiency isn’t any one thing. It’s a series of accomplishments, confidences gained and courage to fail if necessary in the effort of completing a task.


How Do We Give The Gift?


Perhaps you’re quite self-sufficient but you’re noticing that your kids are less so and that worries you.


Perhaps you realize that you’re not at all self-sufficient and you’re angry that your parents never gave you the one big gift that would free you as a person.


Perhaps you’re doing your best to raise kids that are self-sufficient but you’re worried about what that looks like to the rest of the world and you need some encouragement along the way.


Be encouraged. You can learn to be self-sufficient, and so can your kids.


I don’t know why so many people are not self-sufficient, either as children or as adults. I have some theories, centering on parents doing too much for their kids, the government legislating against young people who would otherwise be doing great things, and the general innate human laziness being exacerbated by “labour saving devices.” But I’ll save my theories on what’s wrong with the world in favour of making some suggestions and telling some stories.


How do we foster self-sufficiency in ourselves and our children?




There’s no other way to say it. If you’ve never struggled, it’s absolutely impossible for you to be self-sufficient in something. Sometimes we have to be reduced to tears of frustration, hit the wall of our own finite ability, scream at the sky because we simply do not have the tools we need and then return to the task, reassess what we do have, and find a solution.


Do your kids struggle?


If you’re carefully constructing a childhood for them in which everything is perfect, in which they are eternally “happy” then you’re not giving them the most important gift.

Does that sound harsh?


Life is harsh. Life is struggle. Those who succeed know that, aren’t afraid of the pain, and get it done. Happiness, my friends, is a shell on a tidal flat. Sometimes it’s there to enjoy on the surface, sometimes it’s buried deep in the mud, sometimes it’s just plain gone. You know what makes me most happy? The struggles that were overcome.


Don’t raise your kids to be “happy” raise your kids to find happiness in the struggle.


People who are Self-Sufficient tend to be very content, happy people.


Require Them To Struggle


I know there are parenting models that suggest that kids shouldn’t be “required” to do anything, that they should be allowed to grow according to their natural bents and that they can be trusted to learn everything they need to know as they grow. I respectfully disagree.


My friend has virtuoso violinists for children. Four in a row. These kids love their instruments and their musical ability is central to their lives. There were points at which they wanted to quit. Hated practicing. Wanted to play baseball instead. She required them to stick with it, to struggle, and they overcame. She wrote about being Surprised by Excellence. Her kids are so grateful for the push she wasn’t afraid to give, no matter how it looked to the neighbours.


My Dad built my kids a boat. He positioned it several hundred yards from the house and provided three logs to move it, Egyptian style, down to the lake. Then he worked with them all afternoon to launch their ship.


Don’t Bail Them Out


It’s so hard as a parent to watch a kid struggling, I mean really struggling with something that is in our power to fix and to resist the urge to solve it for them. Solving it would be so easy. They would be so happy. And they’d be reliant on someone else instead of self-sufficient.


One afternoon my kids rowed that boat my Dad built them about a mile from the house before torrential rain started to fall. It rained for a good half an hour, hard. My mom and I, snug in the house, poured tea and set out a bar of soap as a joke when they got back. An hour later they emerged, 7 & 9 year olds soaked to the bone to tell their story:


“Mom, we rowed WAY out in the bay and then it started raining and it rained HARD and we were wet and cold!! We cried. We screamed for you to come get us. But no one came, so we sucked it up and we rowed home.”


“I know, Grammy laid out soap for you to take next time! Would you like some dry clothes?”


“Nope. Can I ride my bike now?”


And off they flew down the driveway towards the dirt road, water flying off of the ends of my daughter’s braids.

  • Let them spend a whole frustrated afternoon in tears sounding the bottom of the bay with a boathook in search of the fishing pole they stupidly dropped overboard.
  • Let them gut their own fish with a sharp knife. Buy bandaids.
  • Let them make a huge mess in your kitchen cooking for guests and then insist that they clean it up, all three times it takes to get the job done right.
  • Let them struggle. Make them struggle. Don’t bail them out.

Work Together


My parents were great at this. Not because they were reading every parenting book and diligently applying the principles, but because there was real work to be done and every hand was needed to get it done. Gardening, house building, hunting, fishing, canning, sewing, cleaning, cooking, and traveling, we all worked and we worked together.


I watched my Dad bang his toe with the hammer instead of the nail he was setting countless times. He’d curse, sometimes throw the hammer, then try again, set the nail and move on.


I watched my Mom frustrated on Thanksgiving Day when the oven died completely. She took that turkey in the pan two miles down to the neighbour’s and baked it in her oven instead.


I watched my brother pound nail after nail into a chalk line on the subfloor with a ball pean hammer. He was four.


One summer afternoon when I was 13 we built an entire section of wall for the back side of the second story of our house. The neighbours came to help us stand it up. We got it standing only to have my Mom step back and say, “You know… something’s not quite right…” And it wasn’t. All of the window openings were at knee height. We’d forgotten to account for the subfloor. The men heaved hard, pushed the whole thing over the side of the house and we started again, building a new wall, with the right measurements.


Let them struggle. Make them struggle. Don’t bail them out. Work together.


Pretty soon, you’ll be self-sufficient, together!


The Miller family are far from "normal", they skip to the beat of their own tune. They have done more, seen more and learned more as a family than many do in ten lifetimes. They are kindred spirits that I'm very fortunate to call my friends.

They are self-sufficient.

- Chris


"It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm." - Sam Levenson, American humorist, writer, teacher, television host and journalist.

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AnAnonymous's picture

'Americans' and their sense of humour.

Self sufficiency. It goes easier when you inherit a stolen land to support yourself while the rest of the world is depleted to allow yourself in your fantasies.

'Americans' for sure have no issue when it comes to transfer wealth from others to themselves. The other direction, they turn a bit touchier.

The day 'americans' return when they come (which means for the 'american' girl in the pic, central Asia, dont stop in Europe) maybe they could lecture on real ground on self suffiency.

Up to that moment, all that drivel remains what it is: american 'fantasy'.

HalinCA's picture

Go fuck yourself.


Better yet.  Wait till I get there to fix your sorry ass wagon.

sam site's picture


When TSHTF probably half the sheeple are going to literally worry themselves to death through lack of food and drugs.  They have no knowledge or experience with fasting or naturopathic detoxification.

The difference between fasting and starving is the state of mind.  Fasters know that the body detoxes and is in no danger of death when an intestinal waste removal stream is established during caloric restriction.  In fact one's dependence on food is descreased from waste and toxin removal during periods of fasting. 

I believe in the next century, with the removal of our corrupt banker rulers that have been disabling the health of the sheeple through a poisoning agenda, many false paradigms about life spans, disease and the need for reproduction and food will be revealed and dispelled.  Man will re-discover the ability of the human body to detoxify itself and gain amazing powers of independence over this material world.

I know this sounds crazy in this insane banker/Jesuit created world, but I believe the world can return to a Garden of Eden with few material wants.  Only those that have fasted and detoxified understand this intuition.


deerhunter's picture

we began with bb guns at 7.  .22 rifles under dad's watchful eye at 11.  Shotguns shortly after.  We had handguns in the home and knew how to get them.  I was bullied in school as I had two older and two younger sisters and whenever they were asked on a date and said no I fought my way home.  Dad said if you start a fight you deal with me and if you run from a fight you deal with me.  I learned how to fight.

I laugh when I see these suburban families in almost full body armor riding their bicycles on the sidewalk.  My 7 year old grandson cut his finger tip off while we butchered 4 steers down in Ohio.  Someone thought giving him a boning knife without any instruction was a good idea. Common sense with supervision is paramount.  My grandson knows where meat comes from.  They live in a one traffic light town. I live 30 minutes from Ohare airport.  I envy their lifestyle.

Dad will be 89 this fall. He taught me respect for life.   Respect for others.  He taught me the value of hard work and patience.  He grew up in a log cabin 150 mile NW of Edmonton Alberta.  No running water.  50 below zero in the winter.  You want rugged individualism, he is poster child.  Happy Father's day dad.

Miffed Microbiologist's picture

"Dad said if you start a fight you deal with me and if you run from a fight you deal with me. I learned how to fight."

When my eldest was in elementary school everyone was putting their kids in after school sports and activities. My husband and I didn't like organized sports so we had a friend drop her off at the local Boys and Girls Club for a few hours before we could pick her up. We knew this was in a rougher part of town but figured she'd get a different education from the Lutheran school.

Well the first week went ok and she announced to us she was going to show the kids how to play chess. Mr and I rolled our eyes and smiled at each other. The next week she came home pretty bruised up. One kid didn't like being placed in Check, picked up the board and smacked her on the head. She launched over the table, tackled him and was punching him Christmas Story Style until pulled off. She was a bit taken aback a game of chess could result in a bar room brawl. After three months she was a respected member of the group.

It really helped her later when she was manhandled in a Paris subway. That horny Armenian will never forget her but not in the way he had hoped.


The Most Interesting Frog in the World's picture

Self sufficiency these days is going online and finding all of the government benefits you qualify for. And, yes, they probably learned that from their mother!

Amagnonx's picture

Thorwing your kids in the deep water is the best way to teach swimming, so long as you are there to haul them out if things go wrong.


I always like to say that mountains are there to be climbed, they invite it just by being there - looking at a mountain that you have already beaten always brings a smile.

Obamanism's picture

The Kids may think they are independent and dong things by themselves when actually there are grow ups watching over them. Many times I have see kids being bullied by bigger kids, I go over and protect the kid and put the fear of god in the bullies, then look around and chastise any adults that allowed that to happen rather than complain about the parents.

The story about the the boat on the lake and rain is a good example, it was only rain not a full force storm. If it was a storm the adults would have went to get the children back. This modern world is to H and S scared with AC and climate control comforts and no idea of being uncomfortable and being able to accept it.

Amagnonx's picture

Depends on the threat level of the bullies - if its grievous bodily harm kind of threat, then its time to intervene - otherwise its time to teach your kids how to punch someones mouth, and how to take a punch in return.

ThisIsBob's picture

Can the kids bust an egg at 100 yards with a 10/22?

COSMOS's picture

" A nine year old walking into town to get groceries for MOM"

What, are you for real, this day and age with all the loonies and girls even older than that, heck women even being kidnapped in broad daylight and ending up under a pile of leaves or in some landfill in multiple parts.

I dont know what paradise on Earth you live in but there is no way in the world I would send a kid for a walk into town

Amagnonx's picture

If I thought it was dangerous, Id give the kid a handgun - I got my first rifle at 8yrs old - never shot myself or anyone else, though I did regret some of the things Id shot after I shot them .. trying to kill things and actually killing them are quite different experiences.

Shed Boy's picture

Happens here where I live all the time. I see kids of all ages out running around in the streets and in the parks. Running, riding skateboards, scooters, laughing. Families having barbecues and picnics, Dad fixing kites for the kids.

Thank goodness there are still a few oasis of humanity left in America....glad I don't live where you do.

PeeramidIdeologies's picture

Chris has been posting some good stuff lately. He is spot on with his thoughts on self sufficiency and resilience. Growing up as the oldest child in a single parent household my mother wasted no time putting me to work and teaching me the value of doing things for myself.
At the time I hated it and would rally against her at evey turn. But once I reached high school, I had a job, bought my own clothes and school supplies and could even feed myself. Daily chores were part of my routine, and believe it or not I began to enjoy it in a sense that it allowed me to live life on my own terms.
I appreciate those tough early years now. For me to explain the lessons I have learnt through that early independence would equate to literal thesis. I have lived by some of the most humble means, made some horrible mistakes, the concequences of which still linger, but I have also experience personal success many can not fathom. Self sufficiency is a powerful mind set that can have a snowball effect. It has a way of building self confidence, and method of thinking that allows one to precieve nothing as impossible. Problems are nothing more then a daily obstacle to be identified and dealth with. The struggle, as it's known, is part of life, it can not be avoided. One can see it as a hindrance or another opportunity to learn and succeed, it's all in the eye of the beholder.

BeetleBailey's picture

I concur Peer...

Excellent piece here Chris....

Shed Boy's picture

Great article. Stuff like this needs to be talked about more. I count my blessings everyday for the way I was raised and the life lessons my parents taught me. I grew up much like the kids Chris Tell writes about. By todays standards, we were tough little kids that took a serious beating and laughed it off. I had lots of broken arms and stitches through my youth, so did everybody else. We played hard and had more fun then we probably should have,

Too bad todays youth are missing out on all that. As the author points out, it's a necessity for self sufficiency.

RaceToTheBottom's picture

"I want to buy your children.  How much for the children?"

I Ching's picture

When using a chisel always orient yourself and the chisel so that when the cutting edge moves it moves AWAY from your body. Unlike the photo of Jenn. Or are you expecting her to learn that AFTER she severs her femoral artery?

krispkritter's picture

Granted, but the chisel is actually inside the hole and she's chiseling across her body, not into.  I would however, suggest safety glasses when hitting metal on metal; had a chunk from a chisel hit a vein in my arm once and it shot a 2 foot geyser across my workbench, it pumped 3 times before I plugged the hole, what a mess.

Bastiat's picture

Yep.  I remember bandaging a severed wrist vein.  I used to keep my chisels shaving sharp.  I gave the guy a lecture before he borrowed it.  Five minutes later . . .

That looks like a Stanley chisel she's using.

ILLILLILLI's picture

She'll learn that eternity is a very long time...

A Cruel Accountant's picture

Self sufficiency


Read these blogs

Early Retirement Extreme

Mr. Money Mousestache

New American Revolution's picture

Windows at knee height because of the subfloor, so they took it out and started over???  That is one hell of a subfloor and a bad waste of good materials, and I'm not so sure the Millers aren't a bit wacky.

perelmanfan's picture

I had the same thought. A plywood subfloor is 3/4 inch. If these are truly self-sufficient, old-school types, they might have used bandsaw-milled subfloor boards that were one inch thick, but still - no reason to trash a whole wall. Hammer the bottom plate off, circular saw - zip zip zip - the requisite 3/4 or one inch off the studs, bang the plate back on and up it goes.

Everybody makes mistakes. Fixing them efficiently is half the battle of being self-sufficient.

A Cruel Accountant's picture

You can always reuse most of the wood. Better to try fail and try again until you succeed.

Comte d'herblay's picture

It's far better to think it out a little bit more and avoid a re-do.  

The Trial and Error method works much more to your advantage if you follow the dictum that is derived from learning a musical instrument:

"Practice does NOT make perfect. Perfect Practice makes perfect". 

Stuck on Zero's picture

Self-sufficiency is: A seventeen year old who, having graduated early, learns Spanish and stomps back into the Honduran bush, alone, on a humanitarian mission."


Yep.  A seventeen year old wearing Adidas made in Sri Lanka of materials from China and Indonesia.  Who has a Sport Chalet backpack made in Nicaragua with materisla from bangladesh. Carrying a smart phone designed in Cupertino, built with chips designed in San Diego and fabricated in Korea and Taiwan and assembled in China. 

That's self-sufficiency.

Gavrikon's picture

 A seventeen year old who, having graduated early, learns Spanish and stomps back into the Honduran bush, alone, on a humanitarian mission."

Talk about idiotic.  We speak three European languages in out family, but bastardized Mexican isn't one of them.  I wouldn't waste 5 minutes on the language of illegal illiterates, and wouldn't waste a nickle on third worlders.  What, do white people have to save every shitskin on the planet?  And what is our thanks?  To be overrun and bred out of existence.  Altruistic insanity.


Anti-racism is anti-white.

Capitalist Exploits's picture

You obviously know nothing about the Millers

Henry Chinaski's picture

Everything I learned was by trial and error.

People confuse self reliance with self sufficiency.  No way one person alone can sufficiently provide for themselves. You always need other people in addition to yourself. Self sufficiency is an oxymoron.

PRO.223's picture

Most people do believe self-sufficiency is what's on the shelf, but niether is it a only a state of mind. It's both, you need a mind-set, knowledge, experience, and things on the shelf or in the ground.

hedgeless_horseman's picture



Our little horsemen each fed, mucked, digged, wrenched, killed, butchered, planted, weeded, harvested, calculated, read, thought, wrote, scraped, mended, bartered, cooked, failed, succeeded, lost, won, hunted, and fought their way through childhood.  The most important being failed.