President Obama To Explain How He'll Really Fix Iraq This Time - Live Feed

Tyler Durden's picture


For those playing at home, we offer a little buzzword bingo for today's impromptu Presidential press conference regarding Iraq: "line in the sand", "support", "red line", "drone", "sanctions", "kinetic", "sternly worded email", "no one could have seen this coming", and "boots on the ground." We suspect it's going to be another long-weekend for war correspondents... and journalists (which means it must be time to dump VIX and BTFWWIII).




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Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:49 | 4853161 spekulatn
spekulatn's picture

Hash tag bitchez.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:52 | 4853194 simplejack
simplejack's picture



how did Iraq break in the first place?  who broke it?  


why did they break it?

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:54 | 4853209 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

We've got these Shiite infidel scum on the run! ALLAHU AKBAR!

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:59 | 4853235 takeaction
takeaction's picture

Oh Look...the community organizer is LATE again......who would have known? This is so funny to watch the empty field...

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:02 | 4853251 economics9698
economics9698's picture

I think Uday and Kusai pissed Bush off by hanging pictures of his daughters up next to the K-Y jelly and paper towels.  

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:02 | 4853273 DaddyO
DaddyO's picture

Wow, he used the terrrrist word.

Why the shift in narrative?


Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:06 | 4853293 Four chan
Four chan's picture

its on this weekend go long oil short markets.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:11 | 4853324 gh0atrider
gh0atrider's picture

Only Obama can micromanage the free ponzi world!

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:14 | 4853360 simplejack
simplejack's picture




has anybody asked the people of Iraq what they want?

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:29 | 4853470 StacksOnStacks
StacksOnStacks's picture

Viagra doesn't make McCain this hard!

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:42 | 4853568 redpill
redpill's picture

They better be careful or Obama might unfriend them on Facebook.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:51 | 4853651 WarHorse
WarHorse's picture

For fuke sake - Obama is about as useful as tits on a bull.  

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:01 | 4853265 Whoa Dammit
Whoa Dammit's picture

OBullwinkle's favorite tag line: "Watch me pull a rabbit outta my ass."

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:03 | 4853276 ACP
ACP's picture

Hang on, I'm taking notes...


Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:19 | 4853388 Lewshine
Lewshine's picture

Incoherent Obama speak - Military action / diplomacy/ No military action will help/ Iraq's need to defend themselves. What BS!! Expect gas to be $5.00 a gallaon by july 4th.


Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:21 | 4853412 john39
john39's picture

not sending troops because those Saudi/Israeli takfiri militants are doing zato's dirty work in destroying the ME.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:23 | 4853425 ChiefToledo
ChiefToledo's picture

The strategy is very clear. Install Sunni aligned regime, dump Iranian friendly Shia government. The high ranking Taliban admin guys just released from Gitmo can advise.

Enough said.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:41 | 4853565 redpill
redpill's picture

And then rinse&repeat when Billary is in the WH?

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 13:08 | 4853769 TruthHunter
TruthHunter's picture

If the plan is to turn the "Fertile Crescent" into a wasteland, it's right on track.


The plan(IMHO):

Keep Iraqi oil in the ground.

Scare the shit of of the Shiites.

Make sure Sunnis and Shiites are evenly balanced and destroy each other in Iraq.

Destroy Assad in the slowest and most painful way possible.

Use up Hezballah's war chest in Syria.

Leave Russia holding the bag on Syria's loans.

$5+ oil sounds almost merciful... Just a downturn planned, not collapse.

When things settle down, take out the House of Saud.




Fri, 06/13/2014 - 17:39 | 4854984 NihilistZero
NihilistZero's picture

I must selfishly admit that your post has put me in the best mood of any regarding this clusterfuck.

Maybe these CIA Black Ops will actually make things better for the average American for once instead of worse.  Or perhaps, at least, less bad...

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:57 | 4853237 The Duke of New...
The Duke of New York A No.1's picture

It's a multi-faceted business plan;


* Create artifical oil shortage: pump oil prices & oil stocks.


* Break everything: then get no-bid cotrracts and have US taxpayers fund expensive re-construction projects.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:05 | 4853288 takeaction
takeaction's picture

Can you imagine being that guy standing next to the chopper not being able to move....What a pawn.  Nice job buddy.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:30 | 4853482 Jethro
Jethro's picture

Well, being a Marine myself, I can honestly tell you, that the Marine hates what he's doing. He'll follow orders though. I can almost guarantee you that he's the low man on the totem pole or lost a bet. If he were able to just do what he wanted, he'd taco punch that halfrican catamite right in the mangina.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:43 | 4853579 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

Is your friend aware that his "orders" are, from a Constitutional and Nuremberg Principle IV point of view, unlawful?

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:53 | 4853200 economics9698
economics9698's picture

Cocksucker in chief needs to get the fuck off the stage.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:56 | 4853228 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

But I like to watch monkeys fucking a football.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 15:48 | 4854550 fockewulf190
fockewulf190's picture

If I was Iran´s top turban, I´d go for broke and, after absorbing all the screaming banshees around Basra into my new Army of the 12th Imam, I´d march my way north through Bagdad, link up with my quds force and Iranian Revolutionary Guard troops already in country, and slaughter the entire lot all the way to Mosul. After the counter-blitzkrieg, then I would bypass the Kurds, and fight heading east, mopping up all the way to Damascus, while Hezbollah and Assad join in on the offensive.   Game Over.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:55 | 4853219 takeaction
takeaction's picture fuck...FLy that chopper in and do some Rambo shit with Michelle and your us how to lead from example...don't send our guys into this hell hole AGAIN...Peace prize Fucker!

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:03 | 4853274 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

If he's going to use a vehicle as a comedic prop for his press performance, the Marine Corps Band should grow some ballz and start playing the Entrance of the Gladiators instead of Hail to the Chief whenever Obozo shows up.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:39 | 4853544 optimator
optimator's picture

badonviller marsch would be more appropriate.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 13:02 | 4853761 CrimsonAvenger
CrimsonAvenger's picture

They should kick off Yakety Sax (aka the Benny Hill theme song), have him walk in super-fast and start patting Biden on his head.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 14:17 | 4854228 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

For the MTV/YouBoob generations

(Yes, it actually started out as a military march before the organ grinders got a hold of it.)

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:49 | 4853163 rtalcott
rtalcott's picture
Emerson, Lake and Palmer - Welcome Back My Friends

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:49 | 4853166 Billy Sol Estes
Billy Sol Estes's picture

"Here's the plan: my army of trained rats will lead the charge, and my scabies will protect our flank."

-Final Sacrifice

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:50 | 4853173 wisefool
wisefool's picture

I was against the war before I was for the war.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:50 | 4853176 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

"Quantity is a quality all it's own." Joseph Stalin.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:51 | 4853179 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

Now let me be perfectly clear. It was Bush's fault.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 12:15 | 4853365 tarsubil
tarsubil's picture

Now let me be clear, we are going to discuss and think and stuff about the stuff that is happening and may happen or has possibly thought to have happened and we are going to consider it for some time and stuff.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 13:31 | 4853975 zerozulu
zerozulu's picture

which one?

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 13:49 | 4854086 SDShack
SDShack's picture

Is he brandishing a crayon and talking about Red Lines yet?

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 14:45 | 4854358 midtowng
midtowng's picture

And Cheney's.

The Democrats are guilty of being gutless when it came to standing up to the Republicans. Everyone in the world but the Republicans knew that invading Iraq was a bad idea.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 17:13 | 4854901 DaddyO
DaddyO's picture

Sorry midtowng, that argument rings hollow. We're almost 6 years into a democratic presidency which had total legislative control for two years. When is it gonna be Obummer's fault?

This admin has left death and destruction throughout the world and not one libtard has stepped up and denounced dear leader like they have Bush.

I'm no fan of the Bushes or the Cheneys or other oligarchical families and am tired of the blame game. When is the buck gonna stop and someone take full and complete responsibility?

Enough already, Rome is burning...


Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:50 | 4853180 IndicaTive
IndicaTive's picture

Let me be perfectly clear.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:51 | 4853188 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Remember Little Bighorn?

Now we have Little Big Butthead.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:52 | 4853195 Dan The Man
Dan The Man's picture



LMAO...Thats funny

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:54 | 4853203 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

Obama: "Lets see, 'Who' is on first, and 'What' is on second, and 'Don't Know" is on third...I'm confused."

CIA-Obama will not be ordered by his CIA and Israeli handlers to bomb the CIA's "terrorists" in Iraq.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:58 | 4853243 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture



"Everything you wanted to know about Iraq but were afraid to ask"...  This is beyond evil and it just proves we're living on the 3rd layer of Hell.

Question is:  How will Ass-Puppet-in-Chief or should I say his handlers keep all these plates spinning and in total control of them is anybody's guess?...

Meanwhile back in Ukraine...

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:54 | 4853205 Rip van Wrinkle
Rip van Wrinkle's picture

Will someone please get this scrotum off my TV screens just for one fucking day.


This fucker is more usefulon a basketball court than he is as a leader.


How doesit go now.....oh, that's right....FUCK YOU OBAMA!!



Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:59 | 4853242 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

You've seen him play hoops? Bath House Barry sucks & has no outside J.

Fri, 06/13/2014 - 11:59 | 4853249 thamnosma
thamnosma's picture

It's been 5 years of daily torture.  I do everything I can to avoid even hearing his voice.  I've laughed at some of our "leaders", been enraged by them as well, but I deeply detest this fuck.

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