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ISIS Stunner: Terrorist Organization's Annual Reports Unveiled; Reveal Full "Investment Highlights"

Tyler Durden's picture




 

In a day and age in which corporations rule the world, the brutal Al-Qaeda spin off known as ISIS is learning from the best, and as part of its credentialising and image-building has done something only major corporations do at the end of every year: it has issued annual reports for the past 2 years (unaudited, unless Ernst & Young has quietly upgraded from "massaging" the books for Lehman's Repo 105 and, of course, the New York Fed, without our knowledge).

That's right: as the FT reported earlier, "Since 2012 the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant, (known as Isis) has issued annual reports, outlining in numerical and geographical detail its operations – the number of bombings, assassinations, checkpoints, suicide missions, cities taken over and even “apostates” converted to the Isis cause."

But while publicly traded corporations focus more on revenues, margins, and profits, ISIS has other key considerations:

In 2013 alone, the group’s report claimed nearly 10,000 operations in Iraq: 1,000 assassinations, 4,000 improvised explosive devices planted and hundreds of radical prisoners freed. In the same year it claimed hundreds of “apostates” had been turned.

Wait... are you serious?

Why yes: below are the "investment highlights" pages from ISIS' 2012 and 2013 annual reports:

And to think how many more assassinations and bombings ISIS would have achieved if only it wasn't for the damn "polar vortex"...

But why is ISIS not only documenting its every single act, but boasting about all of its terrorist achievements? According to the FT the purpose of releasing 410 pages full to the brim with the terrorist group's exploits, is simple: "Isis’s aim appears to be to demonstrate its record to potential donors." Which means that the glossy excerpted pages shown above are indeed nothing more than investment highlights!

The reports paint a picture of an organisation that analysts say is not so much the ragtag terrorist band depicted by Iraqi officials but more of an organised military structure with a clear political strategy to set up a Sunni sectarian state – and one with several of the hallmarks of a corporate entity.

 

“The reports provide measures of performance in the way you roll out details for donors,” said Jessica Lewis, director of research at the Institute for the Study of War. “They affirm that the organisation operates like an army and that it has state-building ambitions.”

Virtually every aspect of a conventional annual review is included: Nigel Inkster, former assistant chief of UK intelligence service MI6, and now director of transnational threats at the International Institute for Strategic Studies, said: "They produce [them] almost like a company, with details of martyrdom operations and targets. You have a clear overlay of structure, planning and strategy to the organisation."

One wonders: how does one differentiate between suicide missions and successful assassiantion attempts on a GAAP vs non-GAAP basis? The answer is unclear, but what is clear is that the modus operandi of terrorist organizations has changed drastically from the days of Osama bin Laden living in caves in Afghanistan.

Isis is the successor to the group that was known as al-Qaeda in Iraq and was so brutal in its methods that it drove Sunni tribes, with help and financial incentives from the US military, to turn against it in 2006. Isis learnt a lesson. “Isis decided the solution was better military power and that it should be a harder version of al-Qaeda,” said Ms Lewis.

 

And yet the group has adapted to new modern methods of spreading its message. Deft use of social media has been at the forefront of its campaigning tactics in Syria and Iraq. When it comes to using platforms such as Twitter, Isis is “probably more sophisticated than most US companies,” says Aaron Zelin, an expert on jihadis and fellow at the Washington Institute.

...

Isis’s use of social media has been one of the main reasons why it has become the single most popular organisation for fighters from foreign countries – including an estimated 2,000 from Europe, according to estimates from western intelligence agencies.

So ISIS is great at creating real (and probably fake, purchased in Bangladesh) Twitter followers, but what really matters at the end of the day, just like with every self-respecting corporation, is whether ISIS has the funds and can generate the income the sustain its terrorist operation.

And it is here that ISIS truly excels. As we reported last week, ISIS is now the richest terror group ever after it looted over $400 million from the central bank of the Iraqi city of Mosul - the first town it overran with virtually no resistance as part of its Blitz offensive.

"In financial terms, 2014 has been dramatically successful for the group, after fighters looted hundreds of millions of dollars from Mosul banks. According to the Council on Foreign Relations, Isis was already extorting taxes from businesses in Mosul before its takeover, netting perhaps as much as $8m a month.

While these achievements will be revealed in the upcoming ISIS' 2014 anual report, we wonder: will they be classified as recurring, or as all those GM recalls and JPM lawsuits, be deemed "One-time", "non-recurring."

In conclusion: ISIS has the balance sheet, it also has the cash flow, it has the weapons inventory, the property, refinery plants and bomb equipment, and the terrorist churn. It also has a glossy 410 page annual report for the Terrorist Fiscal Year Ended 2013 (which at more than double the pages of the 2012 report means business has never been better).

All that is missing is an IPO and a Conviction Buy rating from Goldman Sachs.

The full 2013 report can be found below (pdf)

 

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Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:21 | 4867668 gh0atrider
gh0atrider's picture

Almost too convenient to believe?

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:30 | 4867703 max2205
max2205's picture

Bet they don't use mark to market either. ....

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:45 | 4867734 Raymond K Hessel
Raymond K Hessel's picture

So is Malory Archer the Chairman of ISIS, still?  I haven't read their annual yet.

 

Does it show if they made a profit on the sale of coke back to Colombian drug lords?

 

Mwah ha ha haha ahhah aha 

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:48 | 4867747 cifo
cifo's picture

When is the IPO?

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:58 | 4867776 Publicus
Publicus's picture

Already happened, only open to the Saudi's and their friends.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:16 | 4867831 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Same venture capital funding as Google

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:52 | 4867906 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

Unaudited!  'Nuffsaid.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:57 | 4867921 Four chan
Four chan's picture

the few the proud the cavemen.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 04:07 | 4868164 thisisjustarand...
thisisjustarandomusernameicreatedforzerohedge's picture

bullish

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 06:54 | 4868320 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Wake me when they are ISO-certified.  I need flowcharted workflow diagrams, real defined processes, definitions of methodology, etc.  Until then, they are just a bunch of grab-assers.   

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 06:58 | 4868327 SWRichmond
SWRichmond's picture

I wonder how the boys over at Southern Poverty Law Center feel about this...

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 12:57 | 4869922 Disenchanted
Disenchanted's picture

13th tribe shit-stirrers love stuff like this.

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 21:35 | 4876293 Vagabond
Vagabond's picture

So the soap opera has a big new character indroduced.  The back story is laid, now where is storyline headed?

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 08:57 | 4868635 post turtle saver
post turtle saver's picture

... and have six sigma black belts on staff

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 03:26 | 4868166 thisisjustarand...
thisisjustarandomusernameicreatedforzerohedge's picture

so if army generals go short ISIS before airstrikes is it insider trading?

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 08:38 | 4868543 darkhorse007
darkhorse007's picture

No. You see... they are on the government payroll. Therefore, they are exempt from all insider trading. My question would be, are they required to pay taxes on the gains...

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 04:44 | 4868215 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

Either you got lucky or you know your Islamic history, 4chan. Rather witty either way!

;)

(Mohammad lived in a cave in his "formative" years.)

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:21 | 4867842 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

 

 

Amerikan CIA response to the report...

"Gee, thanks... we had no clue!"

"We and our FBI and DHS compadres have been too busy...

investigating conservative and patriot groups for the Obozo Admin to have this on our radar."

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 04:52 | 4868222 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

ISIS -- Giving their "investors" more bang for the buck!

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 15:27 | 4870687 mkkby
mkkby's picture

Guess with all the CIA bailouts, this is another corp that's too big to fail.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:44 | 4867894 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

So Goldman missed the train this time?

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 00:06 | 4867940 Quentin Daniels
Quentin Daniels's picture

No chance.  They'll have a tentacle or two in there.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:54 | 4867912 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

No kidding, and for them to put this out they have major support.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 09:46 | 4868866 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

Yep thery were ALLOWED to march into Mosul by Obama's military with no resistance from the air and no forewarning to Maliki for the Iraqi's to try to stop it just like there won't be any costs for raiding said Central Bank by the financial community through freezing of accounts and other anti-terrorist money laundering measures. That should tell you who is backing them.

I'd love to see the their money movement logs in the SWIFT system. TPTB know and by doing nothing they are implicitly giving consent.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:02 | 4867785 BobPaulson
BobPaulson's picture

Better watch out for hostile takeover. Doesn't Zuckerburg still have a full warchest?

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 07:50 | 4868365 what's that smell
what's that smell's picture

you'd have to be the dumbest MF'r drooling and playing with you ca-ca in some dark corner of your mother's sub-basement to believe this silly propaganda.

here's my entry: "Bin Laden Resurrected from Cells harvested from ill-tempered seabass turds; news at 11"

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:35 | 4867876 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

If we could only get them to use Corzine as their broker.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:48 | 4867900 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

Or give them GM management. ISIS gone bankrupt in 3..2..1.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:54 | 4867910 Rootin' for Putin
Rootin' for Putin's picture

ISIS recalls suicide vests due to faulty switch.....

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:07 | 4867797 Money Squid
Money Squid's picture

Malory is a drunken old hag.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 00:35 | 4867978 The_Dude
The_Dude's picture

C'mon....these guys are nothing....think how awesome the US MIC infographic would be....i can see it now...

130 countries occupied with US bases

$ X trillion budget wasted propping up decaying empire

XXX million innocents killed since 1913

X wars started under false pretenses

Ad naseum....

Would be a thing of beauty, I tell ya...

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 00:26 | 4867968 KickIce
KickIce's picture

Shame we don't have an organization in place that has the surveillance capability to sniff an organization like this out.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 04:27 | 4868203 Nexus789
Nexus789's picture

They do optimise their bang for the buck

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 06:11 | 4868283 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Most of these guys don't even know how to use a razor.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 06:51 | 4868317 cossack55
cossack55's picture

I beg to differ sir.   They believe in the "deep slash" method, as opposed to the "scrape and pray".

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 09:55 | 4868895 TrumpXVI
TrumpXVI's picture

Not a chance...they use Mark to Fantasy...just like all respectable western commercial concerns.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:52 | 4867756 Da Yooper
Da Yooper's picture

When is JPM & the Fed going to start shorting this bitch ?

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 00:22 | 4867963 cowdiddly
cowdiddly's picture

Thats called a hedge.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 08:06 | 4868430 venturen
venturen's picture

I think you meant reverse merger!

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:21 | 4867844 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

"Almost too convenient to believe?"

Yes.

 

Total Bullshit...

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 07:07 | 4868336 I Am Not a Copp...
I Am Not a Copper Top's picture

Extreme Bullshit.  In all of this have not seen one mention of Israel.  They have no opinion on the matter?  Only they benefit from US playing both sides of this.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:47 | 4867899 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

You've gotta hand it to them. "ISIS" sounds intimidating, like a secretive organization of super-villains in a Bond movie. The branding is much better than most terror groups. What the fuck is an "al Qaeda" anyway?

ISIS™ — ask for it by name.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 00:38 | 4867985 prains
prains's picture

ISIS....sounds like a rash you get on your balls that never goes away, especially in the heat

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 06:13 | 4868284 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Crazy like a fox.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 07:13 | 4868346 Killer the Buzzard
Killer the Buzzard's picture

Roughly, "al Qaeda" is Arabic for "the base", as in a military installation.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 11:21 | 4869360 Matt
Matt's picture

I thought it was "The (data) base" since it was a notebook with a list of contacts for the foreign fighters that fought the Soviets in Afghanistan.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 11:35 | 4869448 TrumpXVI
TrumpXVI's picture

"Look for the ISIS label"!

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 13:07 | 4869973 Disenchanted
Disenchanted's picture

Isis = Goddess of ancient Egypt

 

She was worshipped as the ideal mother and wife as well as the patroness of nature and magic. She was the friend of slaves,sinners, artisans and the downtrodden...

 

The ultimate fuck you symbol to the dark patriarchy that currently runs the world...too bad this current Isis doesn't represent any of that at all. This ISIS is probably very similar to the symbology of putting Andrew Jackson on the 20$ FRN.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 04:36 | 4868208 Frankie Carbone
Frankie Carbone's picture

If half of the propaganda, photos, and video are true, then one can conclude that this is one gaggle of serious vicious bastards. 

We should have left once Saddamn was hanged. Not our problem anymore. 

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 06:09 | 4868280 Mr. Pickles
Mr. Pickles's picture

 

Never should have gotten involved in the first place. Saddam may have been a bastard, but he was a secular bastard, and kept these religious psychos in check.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 09:57 | 4868905 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Was that Johnny McCain at a party on page 62 with Lindsey Graham in a dress and her date was Chuck Schumer?    ISIS = George Soros LLC.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:21 | 4867673 TNT
TNT's picture

These guys are more media savvy than entire GOP apparatus!

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:16 | 4867830 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

More productive too.......

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:25 | 4867850 TahoeBilly2012
TahoeBilly2012's picture

Not even close to there kill count of the GOP, amateurs...

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:22 | 4867677 conscious being
conscious being's picture

Sponsors want to see what they're paying for.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:29 | 4867859 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

ISIS has a whistleblower?

Move over, Snowden.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:31 | 4867686 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

Maybe the CIA can print an annual report on how much money it counterfeits each year and how much it makes from drug sales. And how much it spends on controlling the media (Operation Mockingbird).

http://www.globalresearch.ca/experts-suggest-the-cia-not-kim-jong-il-is-...

http://rt.com/usa/usa-cia-drugs-poor-americas/

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:03 | 4867791 BobPaulson
BobPaulson's picture

Same report.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 07:52 | 4868410 what's that smell
what's that smell's picture

at 410 pages, the pdf was a quick read.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:26 | 4867689 Uber Vandal
Uber Vandal's picture

How long before they start operating their own central bank, such as the very first thing that happened when Libya was toppled.

Then again, that $425 million may be the "seed money" for same.

 

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:36 | 4867879 BigJim
BigJim's picture

Ha, beat me to it...

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:29 | 4867690 bilbert
bilbert's picture

Winning............. Goldman could put an end to this year's string of Ho-hum IPO's with this puppy!

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:27 | 4867693 navy62802
navy62802's picture

This only further confirms that they are being run by someone. Who knows what organization is running them behind the scenes, but whoever it is must be well-organized. Only a bureaucracy could come up with this kind of shit.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:41 | 4867724 nidaar
nidaar's picture

Who will eventually benefit from a destabilized Iraq?

These terrorists already rooted themselves in Syria and Iraq and this clusterfuck has a great potential to spread to Jordan on the west, Turkey on the north, Iran on the east and Sauds on the south. 

It shouldn't surprise anyone when some of those start establishing "buffer zones" to protect themselves in a totally justifiable "self defense" preemptive action. That would mean the entire middle east map redrawn, creating new "opportunities" for "advancement" for the spoiled friend of the bully on the block.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:00 | 4867781 Matt
Matt's picture

Where do you think wealthy arabs go to school? Harvard, Yale. They don't need to neccearily need to be ran by an outside entity, they could simply have their own MBAs, social media consultants, etc.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:27 | 4867694 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  The sad thing is I trust their numbers more than I trust the fucking BLS, and all the other BS alphabet soup U.S.gov. propaganda goons.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:29 | 4867697 GooseShtepping Moron
GooseShtepping Moron's picture

This is uncanny. Just this morning I was thinking of proposing something along similar lines. I was thinking of writing an open letter to al-Qaeda saying:

"While I certainly profess no approval for your causes or methods, I was wondering if you'd do us normal Americans a favor. If you're going to be terrorizing people anyway, would you please document and film your exploits (perhaps with embedded, third-party journalists) so that OUR STATE DEPARTMENT WILL STOP LYING TO US?!"

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:32 | 4867705 nink
nink's picture

Are they registered on the New York Stock Exchange ?

 

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:02 | 4867786 Matt
Matt's picture

No, the NYSE is a manipulated market infested with HFT, far below their standards.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 10:00 | 4868915 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Are Elon Musk and Eric Schmidt on the board?   Maybe Sir Richard Branson can invest and he can do their PR. 

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:33 | 4867708 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Can we see the Related Party Transactions section?

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:25 | 4867854 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

Sorry, got to be a shareholder to see the Quarterlies.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 00:32 | 4867955 cowdiddly
cowdiddly's picture

Its the one time charge off of Goodwill that I ain't buyin and besides where is your shell and multiple holding companies that they taught you at HAAvard. Did'nt Jeb teach you anything? Rookies

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:37 | 4867712 grunk
grunk's picture

Are they on NASDAQ?

You know what a stickler the SEC can be.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:35 | 4867713 JohnG
JohnG's picture

WHAT THE FUCK????

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:20 | 4867843 Wahooo
Wahooo's picture

Like they say, you can't manage what you can't measure.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:36 | 4867718 Reaper
Reaper's picture

Their books aren't cooked as long as our government's are.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:37 | 4867719 i_call_you_my_base
i_call_you_my_base's picture

HFT on terrorist groups is obviously the next logical step.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:39 | 4867721 fishwharf
fishwharf's picture

WOW!

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:39 | 4867722 Hongcha
Hongcha's picture

This is rather like how a mercenary army for hire would present itself, yes?

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 09:41 | 4868838 maxblockm
maxblockm's picture

Reminds me of Cobra:  http://gijoe.wikia.com/wiki/Cobra

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:40 | 4867725 All_Your_Base
All_Your_Base's picture

what the definition of is is.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:42 | 4867729 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

All the hallmarks of a Harvard graduate.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:47 | 4867731 tony wilson
tony wilson's picture

they are a phantasm bogeymen for the medicated that have already forgot or never remembered the iraqi army and the incubaters.

the colon puss powell mobile chemical weapons labs.

the liar blair iraq firing missiles at the uk hitting london in 45 mins.

the video is shit the fotos are a bollox joke.

peaking via the msm for the usual problem reaction solution.

these cuntish  white sneaker pimp actors are direct from langley and tel aviv funded by the jewish house of saud trained in incirlik turkey and jordan.

they could not last 2 weeks toe to toe with hezbollah it is all feeding frenzy chatham house neo con bollox

jewish leader of the uk cam moron has already stated isis is a direct threat to the people of the uk and people are buying it.

these psy ops work you gotta hand it to the freaks at tavistock institute they really understand the country of the mind.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 11:13 | 4869323 Cathartes Aura
Cathartes Aura's picture

ahhh yes,

they really understand the country of the mind.

the only surreal e-state that ever matters

in the end.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:45 | 4867738 highwaytoserfdom
highwaytoserfdom's picture

Madison Avenue  propaganda (counter propaganda?) advertising glories of death and distruction... REAL WEAPONS OF MASS DISTRUCTION (DISTRACTION?).  WHAT A POS Edward Louis Bernays  uncle, Sigmund Freud ARE. .

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:46 | 4867743 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

So Blackwater finally has some competition.....

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:52 | 4867753 The_Prisoner
The_Prisoner's picture

OT: What happened to the ZH Manifesto? Link disappeared from the masthead.

 

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:44 | 4867897 Cthonic
Cthonic's picture

http://www.zerohedge.com/about  same place it ever was, don't know why the link isn't present

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 09:07 | 4868678 Cthonic
Cthonic's picture

The page is gone now too.  Last viewed version here:

http://pastebin.com/Rpxd08t0

 

 

 

 

our mission:

  • to widen the scope of financial, economic and political information available to the professional investing public.
  • to skeptically examine and, where necessary, attack the flaccid institution that financial journalism has become.
  • to liberate oppressed knowledge.
  • to provide analysis uninhibited by political constraint.
  • to facilitate information's unending quest for freedom.

our method: pseudonymous speech...

anonymity is a shield from the tyranny of the majority. it thus exemplifies the purpose behind the bill of rights, and of the first amendment in particular: to protect unpopular individuals from retaliation-- and their ideas from suppression-- at the hand of an intolerant society.

   ...responsibly used.

the right to remain anonymous may be abused when it shields fraudulent conduct. but political speech by its nature will sometimes have unpalatable consequences, and, in general, our society accords greater weight to the value of free speech than to the dangers of its misuse.

- mcintyre v. ohio elections commission 514 u.s. 334 (1995) justice stevens writing for the majority

though often maligned (typically by those frustrated by an inability to engage in ad hominem attacks) anonymous speech has a long and storied history in the united states. used by the likes of mark twain (aka samuel langhorne clemens) to criticize common ignorance, and perhaps most famously by alexander hamilton, james madison and john jay (aka publius) to write the federalist papers, we think ourselves in good company in using one or another nom de plume. particularly in light of an emerging trend against vocalizing public dissent in the united states, we believe in the critical importance of anonymity and its role in dissident speech. like the economist magazine, we also believe that keeping authorship anonymous moves the focus of discussion to the content of speech and away from the speaker- as it should be. we believe not only that you should be comfortable with anonymous speech in such an environment, but that you should be suspicious of any speech that isn't.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 11:18 | 4869353 Cathartes Aura
Cathartes Aura's picture

aaaand, it's gone.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:57 | 4867768 joego1
joego1's picture

Obama went over their business plan and resumes when he hired them in Syria. The bastard that leaked them to the press will pay dearly.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:11 | 4867770 Wild Theories
Wild Theories's picture

Don't mean to be insensitive, but these guy actually look like a real 'bang for your buck' investment.

Hell, how many investments nowadays can generate a 'newly carved out nation' in its growth prospectus.

 

Will the possibility of gaining oil assets be in their next 'risk assessment' and 'key growth' statements?

 

<morally repulsed but potentially interested>

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 22:59 | 4867779 AurorusBorealus
AurorusBorealus's picture

M&A BITCHEZ!!!

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:03 | 4867790 Silver_K-9
Silver_K-9's picture

Is GARTMAN buying?!

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:35 | 4867871 Cthonic
Cthonic's picture

He is short of islamofascists by 2 units, long of islamocorporates an equal amount, on good FATCA recordkeeping.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:06 | 4867798 saints51
saints51's picture

I am not sure how to react. I have been caught off guard.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:36 | 4867875 Millivanilli
Millivanilli's picture

Let me get you up to speed.

 

On the surface, there is a GOD.  Now, this entity has given some kick ass promises to various groups, and each one, not knowing what GOD really thinks, is killing the other groups  to spread the RIGHT MESSAGE.  God, the all powerful, omnicient creator of the infinite universe, is especially smitten with the speck called Earth, however, HE,SHE, IT, doesn't want to "get too involved." 

 

It is this fairy tale that we find ourselves in. Slaps forehead.  

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:51 | 4867905 Andre
Andre's picture

'...however, HE,SHE, IT, doesn't want to "get too involved."'

Whatever.

You still live in your parents' basement? You still want them or the gov to run your life for you, hand you every answer on a silver platter?

No?

Then grow up.

 

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 00:02 | 4867926 Millivanilli
Millivanilli's picture

Not following you, duuude.   

 

Every body loves god but nobody wants to die.   Gotta run around killing people to spread the right message.  You too dumb to get the point?  Don't answer.

 

BTW the right answer according to the US is to spread freedumb and democracy.  That's what god really wants.  Then we can be judged and sent to eternal bliss or hellfire for exercising free will according to the message god told us to follow.   

 

Now, fuck off.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 00:55 | 4868010 Andre
Andre's picture

Judging by your answer, your inability to follow is not a surprise.

As for the US "spreading God's word", I sure have seen a lot of "diversity" lawsuits specifically against any display of Christian symbols, so it seems like they are just spreading shit and calling it Shinola.

People who crave power will say anything, do anything they feel they can even remotely get away with to gain more power. Doesn't matter if it's the Bible, the Qur'an, or Michael Mann. This has happened since at least the beginning of recorded history, and it was probably an issue before then.

As for knowing what God thinks or wants, you seem to be living in your little atheist church (they do exist) a bit much. In a different time you'd be a snake handling, speaking in tongues True Believer of something else.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 01:00 | 4868011 Millivanilli
Millivanilli's picture

ok. 

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:12 | 4867816 I Write Code
I Write Code's picture

Pay you a nickel for a full translation.  410 pages?  Prolix bastards.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:15 | 4867828 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

"Flushing out the covey."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYJfn26kLvI

we'll pick 'em off one by one "all the way back to Beirut."

It'll take some time but we'll be much better shots once we get to "final battle."

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:18 | 4867838 Wahooo
Wahooo's picture

GAAP or non-GAAP?

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:57 | 4867917 Cthonic
Cthonic's picture

Shariah.  You can kill your business competitors and threaten likewise your auditors, so long as you don't charge anyone interest in the process.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 06:54 | 4868319 Wahooo
Wahooo's picture

So you're saying the numbers are good?

Bullish!

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:31 | 4867862 thtmnbhndthecrtn
thtmnbhndthecrtn's picture

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:33 | 4867867 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

"Little CIA"

Wait til he grows up.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:34 | 4867877 magnumpk
magnumpk's picture

Uh, I'm not sure if this fits in with the investment philosophy of the $10K I just put in the Human Slaughter Fund A Shares.  I'd better check.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:37 | 4867881 trip kitchen
trip kitchen's picture

I think they trade on the NASDAQ, ticker is BOMB

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:43 | 4867889 czarangelus
czarangelus's picture

Alright, I admit it, I'm impressed. I'm totally amazed by humanity and how we've managed to get this much "What the actual fuck?" out of a few score of elements and a big input of energy.

I just come down from mushrooms, load up Zero Hedge, see this, and I can only think; "This is 2000% weirder than anything I saw tripping. Hell, tripping is normal compared to this."

Eris damn.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:41 | 4867890 konputa
konputa's picture

At this point I am curious if this PDF comes with some zero day exploit embedded to gather senstive intel on unsuspecting readers.

Call me a cautious skeptic who pays attention to recent spear phishing events.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:41 | 4867892 Seize Mars
Seize Mars's picture

BULLSHIT.

Is this provided by the same idiots who came up with "Gene Rosen's" backstory?

How, pray tell, did they "loot" 400 million USD from a bank. Was is digital? Or literally pieces of paper? Is that shit really that easy to "loot?"

Shit-crock. Please tell me more about "Robbie Parker."

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:49 | 4867898 Millivanilli
Millivanilli's picture

Funny you should mention that. Check out the green screens they used at Sandy hoax.   Man, I don't know what to say except shit is fucked UP!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbGfYMBh5Fo

 

 

 

 

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 00:29 | 4867949 Seize Mars
Seize Mars's picture

Wow.

 

Edit: Dude, that's it. The end. That video is damning. Sandy Hook was a full-on hoax. Check out the woman who walks through the planter box.

BTW that Max Malone guy had done a really good video on the Kenyan mall shooting hoax also.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 00:47 | 4867999 Millivanilli
Millivanilli's picture

Yeah, Sandy Hook was quite the production.  Ole gene rosen was taking care of kids according to 3 different stories and at the fire station walking around in circles.   The big lie at work.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 04:00 | 4868184 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

They must have taken tons of footage of the FEMA exercise for use in the "real" event.

Tue, 06/17/2014 - 23:56 | 4867916 czarangelus
czarangelus's picture

You know, I don't even know what I'm looking at. Is this a hamfisted attempt by the CIA to goose ISIS' market share with a slick prospectus like the financials goosed America's economy? Is this a genuine attempt by an guerrilla force whose only real level of organization at all is propaganda to aggrandize itself? I don't know. Does anybody? Is there even an observable difference?

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 00:04 | 4867936 Rootin' for Putin
Rootin&#039; for Putin's picture

How much of Irags 31t of gold was in mosul?

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 00:09 | 4867945 Rock On Roger
Rock On Roger's picture

ISIS is way behind the americans in the race to kill.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 00:32 | 4867975 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

In the report's section on Environmental Stewardship they indicate their goal is to reduce their overall carbon footprint by reducing the local populations....brought to you by the same bankster Jacobin demons who introduced China to an illustrious eco-warrior by the name of Mao Zedong....

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 00:37 | 4867976 RichardParker
RichardParker's picture

I'm surprised recriuters haven't poached ISIS senior management and placed them at Monsatan, JP Morgan, Occidental Petroleum, HP, etc.

 

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 00:55 | 4868009 Max Cynical
Max Cynical's picture

And which bank will be handling their money laundering needs...HSBC perhaps?

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 01:43 | 4868056 bankonzhongguo
bankonzhongguo's picture

The sad part is because the Fed is not actively engaged in their market (yet) their numbers are probably more believable.

Team MISO you really outdid yourself on this one.

Take a long weekend and grab a Monte Cristo on your way out.

Red Shoots!

 

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 01:57 | 4868073 Joe A
Joe A's picture

Professional. Just find out when the next annual stakeholders' meeting is and kill them. Don't be surprised to find some well known supposedly friendly parties there as stakeholders.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 02:04 | 4868083 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

Just another act in the planet shit show

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 02:08 | 4868088 datapanik
datapanik's picture

Looks and sounds like the IMF.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 02:11 | 4868090 Stockmonger
Stockmonger's picture

Should I invest in this or Somali pirates?

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 02:14 | 4868094 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

IPO?

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 02:16 | 4868096 Intoxicologist
Intoxicologist's picture

Did they get their name from that 70's TV show?

Can they whoop Bigfoot?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-ZNf9j8FUs

Inquiring minds want to know....

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 02:17 | 4868099 SpanishGoop
SpanishGoop's picture

I wouldn't want to be a taxcollector over there.

 

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 02:38 | 4868125 boeing747
boeing747's picture

These ISIL rugheads will be bombed when oil reach $150. Meanwhile they still have $40 to play.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 02:41 | 4868129 timmeh
timmeh's picture

is this already part of US GDP?

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 02:54 | 4868131 litemine
litemine's picture

There was a small report about a bill/records found at a battlefield. Itemized down to small things like coffee. about a month ago .  Whats really funny is without those receipts, their books will not Balance.......hahaha

http://www.thewire.com/global/2013/12/al-qaeda-are-strict-about-keeping-track-their-receipts/356552/

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 08:10 | 4868440 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

No problem. You just make an adjustment and log an entry for undeclared expenditures...petty cash...records destroyed in battle. You can cook the books a bit.

 

Hell...The US Government cooks their books. Shit...They cook their books for TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS. If you do not remember the Books that demonstrated $2 Trillion Dollars that went missing in DOD expenditures were destroyed at the Pentagon on 9-11-01.

 

I wonder if ISIS is planning do do a crowdfunding event online. This may be the prospectus for that event.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 02:49 | 4868133 Jano
Jano's picture

I can see only a small difference to the USSA government: the Numbers of USSA government report are higher.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 03:59 | 4868171 bentaxle
bentaxle's picture

Bombproof business! with explosive growth prospects...

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 03:45 | 4868178 smackdog
smackdog's picture

Murder, Incorporated.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 04:45 | 4868216 IReallyDontCare
IReallyDontCare's picture

Its already taken, the US trade marked in decades ago.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 05:20 | 4868230 falak pema
falak pema's picture

That makes it sound like the Catholic church back when Popes ran the show and had their own financial resources (tithes); aka Innocent III and 1215. When the Vatican was truly king of the world.

The ISIS is the Templar arm of this Sunni Meccan church just like the Templars worked for Mr Pope and his harem of Cardinals, doing God's work amongst the dirty, crumbling stones of Jerusalem, the symbolic church on the hill, but in reality looking for the riches of the Spice and Silk routes, like the world's oldest banksta network (In Templars I TRUST my ill gotten wealth to enter heaven!). 

Urbi and Orbi is now Jihadistan. 

And black gold discovery; the biggest and richest pot at the end of the global rainbow; and Saud/FDR handshake, as follow up to Ottoman empire carve-up, makes US Oligarchy tied into the new Gordian knot (Oh the Kissinger to GWB/Cheney  years of petrodollar wine n roses). 

Who will cut that dystopian knot gone sour since 9/11, when Frankenstein turned on his masters? 

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 07:42 | 4868398 Uncle Remus
Uncle Remus's picture

I love Israel's cameo.

 

/sarc

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 10:14 | 4868498 falak pema
falak pema's picture

If you are really into cameos of historical relevance you should read this if you can find it :

Treatise of the Three Imposters. In 1239 Pope Gregory IX correctly ascribed the original work-- de Tribus Impostoribus-- to Emperor Frederick II, an avowed enemy of papal hegemony, in name of "Kaiseridee" : the claim to Imperial supremacy in Italy launched by the genitor of his lineage of Hohenstaufen that caused the Guelf Ghibelline civil war over two centuries. 

No hard copy of De Tribus was ever found, although all during that age knew it was the work of Frederick and his prime henchman and Chancellor of Sicily Pietro de la Vigna.

So.. the Satanic Verses of our age had their origins that date back to 1231... and, nobody out of the three Abrahamic religions was spared! 

Salman Rushdie is today's cameo of Frederick II and Ayatollah Khomeni was just a latter day copy of Pope Gregory IX! 

How's that for measuring the collective obscurantist regression of our day and age?

And, can you hear those bells chime that History rhymes? 

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