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Humpday Humor: The 'Other' Situation In Iraq

Tyler Durden's picture


Via The Onion,


Violence has escalated in Iraq in recent weeks as the Sunni Islamist militant group ISIS has seized control of numerous cities and continued its advance toward the capital, Baghdad. Here is a primer to help understand the ongoing developments in the troubled nation:

  1. Valley gouged into earth by retreating Iraqi troops
  2. Truck not slowing down for checkpoint
  3. Ethnic, religious lines
  4. Field of wind turbines that this whole thing is really about
  5. Tantalizing mirage of sectarian unity
  6. Spot where American soldier lost four of his buddies for some vague, difficult-to-recall reason
  7. Lesser headache
  8. Brutal Chevron/BP infighting
  9. Charred remains of democracy
  10. Child given sweets by U.S. soldiers in 2006 steadying rocket launcher on shoulder
  11. Ancient Mesopotamian site known as the Cradle Of Disagreement
  12. Budding terrorist group we’ll have to worry about next year
  13. Lone Haliburton employee trying to rebuild entire nation
  14. NYU Basra Campus
  15. Area U.S. currently hoping to avoid at all costs
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Wed, 06/18/2014 - 16:44 | 4871042 kowalli
kowalli's picture

Krugman just came in his pants!

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 16:52 | 4871063 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Lone Halliburton employee Cheney, asks hunting partner Belgium to check end of his shotgun to see if it is clogged.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 16:54 | 4871072 TahoeBilly2012
TahoeBilly2012's picture

Zerohedge continues its meme that everything is a "boon doggle" and never once explore that it might be a plan. http://www.counterpunch.org/2014/06/17/is-open-ended-chaos-the-desired-u...

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 17:09 | 4871117 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I realize that this is supposedly mocking the MSM, but given some of the content, I fail to find humor in this. Especially #1, which would appear to be a perverted joke about the mass murder of the retreating Iraqi army in 1991 by coalition troops.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 17:18 | 4871147 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Yes,  Since when is spoiled brat snark, humor?

The Onion was never much.  Now it's nothing.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 17:21 | 4871153 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Yeah. But we should not have stopped there!

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 17:23 | 4871161 PhilofOz
PhilofOz's picture

Surely they were referring to the present Iraqi army trained with US money fleeing from ISIS, and in 1991 they were retreating from Kuwait which is nowhere near that point on the map. Lighten up!

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 18:04 | 4871258 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Yeah, I'm sure that the reference to a "trench dug" wasn't related to 1991 AT ALL.

Someone fleeing as fast as they can does not conjur the image of forming a trench. A dust storm perhaps, but not a trench. Trenches come from earth-moving equipment, which, once again aligns with 1991's "Highway of Death."

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 19:30 | 4871600 PhilofOz
PhilofOz's picture

Believe me I'm as disgusted as you as to what the US did to those fleeing Iraqi troops back in 1991. It was very much the turning point for me as far as my belief in the USA as an honourable country. From that day on I despised those in control. Evil low-lifes that should be tried and hung for war-crimes! But look at mark on the map.... how does this possible refer to those leaving Kuwait on the Highway of Death?!

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 22:35 | 4872146 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture

Watch this video until the end. It is a graphic of how those that wish to be in power are using everything to gain their goals. It includes graphic images from the 1991 invasion of Iraq.

It's NOT the people in the United States: It's the current regieme of foreign occupiers who gained power due to the Federal Reserve Act of 1913.



Wed, 06/18/2014 - 19:51 | 4871670 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

I have a sense of humor and normally enjoy the Onion's bits, but I too do not find anything funny about what is going on in Iraq, the Middle-East or DC US.

Not only has the DC US, ZATO and Israel turned this region into a bloodbath, but the organizers of this violence live and are based here in the DC US. They will one day unleash it on us. They already have if one keeps track of the brutality perpetrated by the local federalized gun and badge thugs.

And what of the young men and women and the families of the fallen who are just now realizing that they were used in a scheme, a 'racket," of murder and theft for the benefit of the MIC and connected? This cannot not be humorous to them in anyway.

As to the joke in #1, how would we feel about Germans making such jokes about the Malmedy Massacre?!

No, I must proclaim that there is nothing inherently funny about the murderous and treasonous DC US or their crimes.

Nothing funny here.


Note: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malmedy_massacre

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 18:52 | 4871456 crazzziecanuck
crazzziecanuck's picture

It only looks like a plan because there is no way Western interests can lose.

If they "win" with a stable Iraq, they control the oil flows.  If they "lose" in Iraq, the oil goes offline and the Western interests win with elevated oil prices.  In both cases, some other Western interests make money laundering terrorist money via Kuwait and also help broker large arms deals to keep the bloodshed going.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 17:26 | 4871166 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

Ahahahahahah! LOL! Oh, wait, the jokes on US.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 16:46 | 4871046 Rainman
Rainman's picture

If that's not a mission accomplished map I dunno what is .

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 16:47 | 4871048 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

And to think if America would have used reason and logic and not nationalistic stupidy back in 2003, we wouldn't be in this quagmire.

Hey, The Onion, I'd like some freedom fries with that map. To go, please.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 16:53 | 4871064 galis
galis's picture

western pussies.

ask yourself  , why those ISIS animals do not atack Israel?

how come arabs are killing arabs  , man women and child  - is it the way of a true worrior?

regardless of your believe.

when the muslim shit will hit europe  - you will undarstand what we are going through...

and eventually ...you will thank us for doing your dirty work.

fuck you.

i will give them this much - isis are smart.

they stay away from the israeli border over the past 3 years of the syrian "conflict" - with well over 100'ooo dead and millions of homeless - stay away for a good reason. survival one.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 17:00 | 4871092 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture


"... is it the way of a true worrior?"

They are worried that they will miss someone, so they are applying the ancient adage: "Kill 'em all and let Allah sort it out."

- Ned

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 17:02 | 4871096 Fix-ItSilly
Fix-ItSilly's picture

We pay and provision you for just this.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 17:06 | 4871107 teslaberry
teslaberry's picture

israel needs to provoke a war between iran and saudi arabia, and i think the best way to do it is to just have a formal commitment to back saudi arabia and get off the sidelines in a formal alliance together. 


who says jews and sunni muslims cannot fight on the same side? seriously why the fuck not? 

we can call it the junni or sujew alliance. 

adonai hu akbar!

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 17:54 | 4871229 BigJim
BigJim's picture

 ask yourself  , why those ISIS animals do not atack Israel?

Erm... because they're Saudi and Qatari catspaws, and the Saudis and Qataris are just doing the US' bidding, which in turn just does Israel's bidding in the region?

ie: ISIS are doing Israel's bidding? Oded Yinon mean anything to you?

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 18:54 | 4871461 crazzziecanuck
crazzziecanuck's picture

"ask yourself  , why those ISIS animals do not atack Israel?"


Answer: Geography.  Jordan is in the way.  lol

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 21:34 | 4871948 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

"I don't know what this 'Logistics' is, but I want it" - King

Thu, 06/19/2014 - 00:58 | 4872504 galis
galis's picture

crazzie -  wrong answer man.

isis in syria well over 2 years , fighting asad regime , 

and syria and israel have a long border together , 

and no atacks yet. explain that. smart man

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 16:59 | 4871091 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

#15 correction ...That which must be avoided at all costs is a discussion of the facts that led up to this.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 17:07 | 4871113 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

No blood for wind! No blood for wind!

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 17:13 | 4871129 galis
galis's picture

we need to provoke ? those idiots  fight a jihad against everyone.

including themselves.

look at the 300 m arabs in the m.e .

each day passing ,they are getting closer to return to nature.

no education. no electricity. no health services. no countries.


which in a crazy way , might be a good thing 

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 17:47 | 4871211 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

Galis - are you a strategic analyst for CIA?

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 19:14 | 4871539 ImGumbydmmt
ImGumbydmmt's picture

No he's with Mossad...

oh hell

"What difference does it make?" -

Brought to you by - Hitlery, for Dictator 2016

 2016, the year we finally fomalize both our subserviance to the CFA and implement the full Agenda 21 protocal.

FEMA trains Bitchez!

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 21:36 | 4871954 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

q-thang, no, just another weak-assed troll.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 17:55 | 4871234 BigJim
BigJim's picture

 each day passing ,they are getting closer to return to nature.

no education. no electricity. no health services. no countries.

which in a crazy way , might be a good thing

Yup, just the way Israeli Oded Yinon planned it.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 17:13 | 4871136 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

Lone Haliburton employee trying to rebuild entire nation

Great, another guy we’re probably going to have to swap a dozen Al-Qaeda prisoners for.  

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 19:04 | 4871473 crazzziecanuck
crazzziecanuck's picture

Has Obama ever exchanged prisoners for private citizens?  Don't think so.

Obama thought that by trading Taliban for an American soilder, it would provide his bone fides when claims he "supports the military."  Here's hoping everyone sees right through the ploy not that the return of Bergdahl is that offensive.  Obama was probably pressured by the Pentagon to do it and was finally convinced that it might help with his sagging polling numbers.

I can glady say I saw through Obama before he scammed his way into the nomination.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 21:39 | 4871969 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

"I can glady say I saw through Obama before he scammed his way into the nomination."

Well, good on ya' and where the fuck were your communication skills to convince like 8 million actual voters of that view?

Your hindsight is amazingly brilliant.  I need my sunshades.

- Ned

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 17:19 | 4871150 Miss Expectations
Miss Expectations's picture

#3 is actually the van parking/dancing area.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 17:58 | 4871241 BigJim
BigJim's picture

 Well, seeing as you're training them and supporting them, the least you can do is give them some medical care when they get shot up, so they can go back and kill more Arabs, right? That's the plan, isn't it, Hasbara? Reduce any Arab nation state that isn't a US satrapy into a chaotic mess of sectarian violence so you can carry on stealing Arab land?

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 17:40 | 4871190 snoozinjoe
snoozinjoe's picture

"western pussies"...

So true in many cases.  And politically correct to boot.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 17:48 | 4871205 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

Reality under Obomber has rendered Da Onion irrelevant... I mean let's face it, half the shit Obomber does is unbelieveably funny in a sick, pathetic sorta way and Obomber can fuckup faster than The Onion developes spoofs.


I mean - the emails were lost? That is like a Steve Martin skit back in the day - anyone remember his tax return jokes? 

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 18:06 | 4871264 pagan
pagan's picture

The US have made a mess in Iraq and Syria. That was probably the goal. Who have the best knowledge of this area? Israel of course. The closest friends to the Americans. They are so close that the Americans let them decide their whole ME policy. How dumb is that?

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 18:26 | 4871299 galis
galis's picture

qqq - no , but i want to be the next u.s president ...

never heard of oded inon.

we can not take or steal what is ours - jim. its been ours ever since .

we got history in our country. in the ground. everywhere that support it.

please tell me the history of the p people? 

as a nation ?


jim - your views do not make sense.

does anyone allow to kill people for fun like isis? to kill kids women and unarmed man?

do you think the saudis or katar will aprove it?

are they insain?

isis is well sponsored , and you americans always need a new enemy to fight  - to keep the military budget up . 

so  , there are so many things going on that  , when you suggest israel calling the shuts...

you  are way off...we do not deserve the credit , trust me.. (our former president and former pm in jail..)


and fuck the hasbara. are they saying anything? 





Wed, 06/18/2014 - 18:24 | 4871330 pagan
pagan's picture

Teaparty people dissing Obama makes me sick. By now intelligent people have realized that the difference between Obama and Bush are zero, as the difference between reps and dems are nill.

The only difference is that Obama is better at reading the telepromter and that he could become the President of the US of A without a valid birth certificate.  

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 19:00 | 4871491 crazzziecanuck
crazzziecanuck's picture

Well, Obama proved that a President could still get elected without the use of the Supreme Court.  lol

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 19:20 | 4871558 ImGumbydmmt
ImGumbydmmt's picture

Dems and Rep? Again?

Heck I think someone above had an idea we could learn from, something about letting Allah sort them all out.

Wed, 06/18/2014 - 19:20 | 4871559 The Axe
The Axe's picture

you are pussies


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