Friday Humor: How President Obama Can Improve His Workouts

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Via Omid Malekan of Visual Stories blog,

In a video leaked by someone who happened to be working out at the same hotel gym as President Obama, the world got a peak into the exercise routine of the most powerful man on earth. The President is sorrounded by some of the best and smartest advisors in the country, but apparently none of them is a personal trainer, as his approach and technique leave a lot to be desired. But he is in luck, because my colleagues and I at Precision Physical Therapy & Fitness are here to help.

To start with, lets look at the President’s seated shoulder press:

 

The first problem here is the limited range. By not bringing the weights all the way down, the President is not getting the full benefit of the exercise, nor is he working on improving his range of motion. This leads to a lack of flexibility, which much like the Republican Party Platform, is not an effective strategy.

Second, take a look at how the President’s lower back sits against the seat, and how there is a gap there bigger than in last year’s federal budget. This is a common problem that develops when we try to lift weights that are too heavy, and can lead to back injuries and other problems. The smart way to go is to lower the weight and make sure your back sits flush against the seat, or better yet, to do the exercise seated on a ball while using you core to sit upright.

Next, lets look at the President’s walking lunge, curl & press:

 

This is an excellent exercise, as it hits everything from the hamstrings and glutes to the biceps and deltoids. It also develops balance and stability. Our only advice here is to slow down (especially during the eccentric or negative movement) and to try to make like the current Congress’ approval ratings, and get really low.

Next, the basic arm raise:

 

The President is going way too fast, and like passage of his Affordable Care Act, seemingly more concerned with getting the exercise over with than doing it right. The right way to do this exercise is in a slow and controlled manner, pausing at the top and always turning your hands so you look like Bill Clinton giving a stump speech. In other words, with your thumbs up!

Next is a step-up combined with a knee-raise.

 

This is another excellent exercise, but the execution can be better. For starters the height of the bench, much like the UV setting on John Boehner tanning bed, is too high.  Once again the President should slow down, and pause at the top with his lifted leg parallel to the ground. Whenever doing an exercise that involves taking a foot off the ground and then putting it back down, its important to make like you are managing a political crisis and focus on a soft landing.

Proper exercise is not just a series of movements you try to get over with as soon as possible, but rather a state of mind. To that end, what you do in between sets and when resting is just as important as the lifts themselves. Take for example how the President puts down his dumbbells:

 

Like America’s recent policies in the Mid East, his posture here is weak and dangerous. You should never bend your spine like that, and always pick up and put down objects by bending at the knees.

And remember, exercise is supposed to be fun. If you are working out because you feel like you should, you are not going to last too long, and might start to look like this guy:

 

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Fri, 06/20/2014 - 15:39 | 4879016 JohnG
JohnG's picture

Long walk. Short pier.

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 15:46 | 4879035 MFL8240
MFL8240's picture

In shark infested water!

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 15:49 | 4879051 Joe Davola
Joe Davola's picture

OK, try walking anywhere near the White House, but some rando ends up in a hotel gym with POTUS?

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 15:54 | 4879062 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

Good point. Ever seen Jurassic Park? I figure they thew a gay goat with an Ipad into the TObamma exhibit.  

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 15:57 | 4879071 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

With burning oil floating..

Near Fukashima..

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 15:59 | 4879082 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

The sight and sound of Barry breathing heavily would send us running out of the room screaming like a girl.

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 16:14 | 4879131 funthea
funthea's picture

You didn't LIFT that!

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 17:54 | 4879321 Stackers
Stackers's picture

If you go back and watch that workout vid again, the first 10 seconds as he ponders over the weight rack trying to figure out what the fuck a kilo is, are pure gold

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExQcrf80OSI

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 18:10 | 4879350 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

Hey... the numbers were in Polish

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 20:54 | 4879508 SuperRay
SuperRay's picture

And without a teleprompter! He's an American Beauty.... Paging Ricky Fitts - my workout's over. Bring on the weed, dude...

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 21:09 | 4879676 remain calm
remain calm's picture

What a fucking girly man.

Sat, 06/21/2014 - 05:45 | 4880180 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

lol exactly my thoughts.  I was gonna write something but you covered it adequately.

-Chumbz.

Sat, 06/21/2014 - 09:09 | 4880301 max2205
max2205's picture

$10 says he will be the first billionaire ex president.

 

Ironic, hub?

Sat, 06/21/2014 - 15:47 | 4881012 Cleveland Steamer
Cleveland Steamer's picture

You see Obama's show of strength above. Going down about 8" on dumbell shoulder presses. 

 

Here's Putin launching some people practicing judo.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lxMglj8LuM

 

Is there any wonder why he's the weakest guy in the room, when it comes to diplomacy?

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 15:55 | 4879070 MeMongo
MeMongo's picture

Fluffer in chief needs to put down the big boy weights, and hook backup with Tony Little and his gazelle!

You can do it!

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 22:13 | 4879800 Greenskeeper_Carl
Greenskeeper_Carl's picture

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RD_44xEEDjU

Perhaps he should consider steriods. Gentlemen, I give you broscience

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 20:52 | 4879648 Antifaschistische
Antifaschistische's picture

There's no way....NO WAY, he DIDNT know some dude was sitting there pointing a camera at him.   There's NO WAY, NO WAY POTUS wasn't surrounded by SS who knew exactly what was going on.

COMPLETELY STAGED!!

Sun, 06/22/2014 - 16:46 | 4883570 fiatmasochist
fiatmasochist's picture

Staged? as in trying to bluff Putin?

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 16:09 | 4879111 Mr Pink
Mr Pink's picture

Those 5 lb dumbbells were probably fake like everything else about this fraud. How embarassing, that workout looked like it was designed for a 6 year old girl

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 16:20 | 4879146 Berspankme
Berspankme's picture

It's a blatant "I'm a buttslammer workout" designed to attract  fellow fudgepackers at the gym. Fuck You Obama

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 17:24 | 4879264 bearwinkle
bearwinkle's picture

I had a torn rotator cuff surgery and was working out with bigger weights than that when starting in rehab. Looks like he was looking for single digit weighs like 1lb, 2lb, etc. I drink beer in mugs that weigh more than that. LOL! Hell my wife even lifts more than he does. LOL! Putin could probably bench press him, with one arm.

 

 

Sat, 06/21/2014 - 14:55 | 4880907 divide_by_zero
divide_by_zero's picture

I think that workout is only meant to keep him in shape for his mom jeans.

Sat, 06/21/2014 - 11:04 | 4880454 drendebe10
drendebe10's picture

Lose 10 lbs ugly fat - cut off its head..

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 15:40 | 4879017 syntaxterror
syntaxterror's picture

The gym is nothing more than his cruising spot for hook ups.

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 15:48 | 4879047 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

I think Larry Craig is his personal trainer. 

Put your foot gently into the next bathroom stall....exhale...wait....wait...wait

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 20:46 | 4879633 Firing Pin
Firing Pin's picture

Seriously, he lifts weights like a soccer mom. What a pansy. 

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 22:09 | 4879791 tony wilson
tony wilson's picture

his cia mind controlled mind is real busy.

thinkin of the hot sauna and all the muscle bound polish boys huffing and a puffing in it init.

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 15:42 | 4879026 Pairadimes
Pairadimes's picture

Somebody is going to photoshop Reggie into that last gif.

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 15:43 | 4879028 Platinum
Platinum's picture

Hard to workout when you've got no backbone.

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 15:44 | 4879033 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Moochele got enough back for both of em.

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 16:00 | 4879086 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

Baby got BACK!

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 16:05 | 4879099 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Got shears?

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 16:26 | 4879159 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

You could fit a moose in that caboose.  

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 17:32 | 4879281 bearwinkle
bearwinkle's picture

That caboose has its own zipcode.

 

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 15:42 | 4879030 BlindMonkey
BlindMonkey's picture

The Secret Service's physical fitness program is all about the Russian Kettle Bell.  How ironic.

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 15:48 | 4879046 Pairadimes
Pairadimes's picture

Are those shake weights?

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 16:03 | 4879098 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Public service hyperlink for those ZHers living in a spider hole:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rc337vb05jU

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 16:01 | 4879065 world_debt_slave
world_debt_slave's picture

Reggie Love glutes workout!

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 16:01 | 4879089 Dead Man Walking
Dead Man Walking's picture

he is SO gay.  This had to be leaked to show that he is not gay,he's a manly man, he works out.  Bad move, because he works out like a gay man trying to prove he's not gay.

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 16:13 | 4879114 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Obama 'works out' WAY gayer than Richard Simmons, fucking poofter.

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 19:12 | 4879457 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Richard Simmons (who is 65 and probably straight, I wouldn't be surprised) could kick O'bomb-a's ass with ease.

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 22:12 | 4879797 tony wilson
tony wilson's picture

come on guys cut the gay hate.

interweb bullying has to stop i mean if not the transgenders and the gays  who is gonna adpt all those kids from ukrainia and syria.

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 22:26 | 4879824 MeMongo
MeMongo's picture

Mongo straight!

............:-)

 

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 16:11 | 4879123 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

Amazing some skinny fucking smoking clown that works out with 10lb dumbbells can be in charge of so much death and destruction, not to mention what's coming.

And probably has a $500k a year trainer that does nothing but wipe the dumbbells and equipment clean with anti-bacterial tissues.  

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 16:11 | 4879125 potato
potato's picture

This is stupid. What kind of person would really want to spend time watching that pathetic video and make fun of it. It's just cringeworthy. Leave it alone.

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 20:53 | 4879650 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

It's too gay. I had to shut it off.

Sat, 06/21/2014 - 10:04 | 4880365 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

'cept that they are GIFs. Caught you in BS mode

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 16:14 | 4879130 quasimodo
quasimodo's picture

"............the most powerful man on earth".

 

 

The writer of this story is either

A) Completely disallusioned as to what the most powerful man on earth is

B) Was sniffing glue or huffing whilst writing this article

C) A close associate of Reggie and Co.

 

 

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 16:27 | 4879144 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Those were carbon fiber dumbbells.

Fri, 06/20/2014 - 16:15 | 4879135 stant
stant's picture

man of steal

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