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Caption Contest: "We Call It Soccer" Edition

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Having had his omnipotence slightly reduced by SCOTUS and Verizon losing out over NSA spying concerns, we can only imagine President Obama's dismay while watching (aboard AF1) the Europeans trump the Americans once again...

 

 

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Thu, 06/26/2014 - 13:54 | 4898655 GMacTrader
GMacTrader's picture

Yeah... They they took the remote away too.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 13:57 | 4898678 PartysOver
PartysOver's picture

That pic explains a lot about the leadership of this country with regards to the current events.  Can it get any worse?  Yes it can.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:12 | 4898775 cifo
cifo's picture

Looks like Air Force One.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:15 | 4898799 msmith9962
msmith9962's picture

Chips dont even have ruffles.  Austerity?

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:19 | 4898827 Global Hunter
Global Hunter's picture

Who is the fellow with Down Syndrome sitting next to Obomber?

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:20 | 4898842 pods
pods's picture

Looks like the graphics we had on FIFA soccer on Sega.

pods

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:22 | 4898860 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Sega.... Lol......

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:28 | 4898889 max2205
max2205's picture

Look at all dem tight shorts!   Woody time

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 15:03 | 4899105 Say What Again
Say What Again's picture

I think I've spotted the problem.  If you look closely at the screen, you will see that US is off-sides -- again.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 15:22 | 4899209 Stackers
Stackers's picture

Oh look, its President Jarrett and her patsy

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 18:28 | 4900037 Ben Ghazi
Ben Ghazi's picture

Is that Joe Biden?

 

YES, he is under the table sucking Obomber's dick!

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:28 | 4898893 pods
pods's picture

SEGA!

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:30 | 4898901 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Obama was probably the type of kid that would invite you over to play and then give you the bum controller.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:47 | 4898996 deflator
deflator's picture

 If that is American football then I'm from bumfuck Nairobi.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 18:34 | 4900052 Ben Ghazi
Ben Ghazi's picture

"As soon as this Latino wetback photo-op is over, I'm putting BET back on."

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 18:22 | 4900005 world_debt_slave
world_debt_slave's picture

Dreamcast

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:33 | 4898902 Almost Solvent
Almost Solvent's picture

Janet Reno is back!

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:42 | 4898962 TahoeBilly2012
TahoeBilly2012's picture

No, just some other Ivy League egg head who is still wondering about what she heard on All Things Considered last night.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:40 | 4898952 alfred b.
alfred b.'s picture

 

    ....which one is it with the DS, not sure that it's the one on the left!

 

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 15:16 | 4899170 AcidRastaHead
AcidRastaHead's picture

Look at those fancy coasters.  Are they made of gold?  I think we found all the missing gold.  Clever buggers have hidden it in plain sight.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 15:13 | 4899156 vortmax
vortmax's picture

Supposedly one of the most technologically advanced aircraft in the world, yet it apparently doesn't get ESPN in HD...

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 13:58 | 4898683 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

All this ball kicking reminds me of something.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:20 | 4898797 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

Is that Valerie Jarrett sitting next to Obama? Why in the hell has she not been indicted yet!!! I am willing to bet there were numerous emails between Jarrett and Lois Lerner which have been "lost".

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:15 | 4898801 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Did you say ball kicking or ball licking?

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 13:59 | 4898695 TideFighter
TideFighter's picture

Situation Room...All Fucked Up. [SRAFU]

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:14 | 4898749 Syrin
Syrin's picture

American Fuhrer: "WHat I like most about this sport is how tough these guys are.   Just like my man Reggie Love.  Make sure to tax all their winnings and send them directly to Mochelle's slush fund.  Oh, and before I forget, be sure to let me know what next week's agenda is.   I didn't get your latest memo."

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:12 | 4898753 strannick
strannick's picture

Why don't they pick it up? What color are we again?

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:10 | 4898762 TideFighter
TideFighter's picture

"Hey, I'M A ZERO, and the final score is ZERO to ZERO-How cool is that? 

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:32 | 4898920 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Italy always had great World Cup teams until they added that f**king eggplant.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 13:54 | 4898658 Yes We Can. But...
Yes We Can. But Lets Not.'s picture

Val, did I tell you how great I am at soccer?

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:15 | 4898804 Syrin
Syrin's picture

He's as good at soccer as he is at bowling.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:21 | 4898850 pods
pods's picture

Think you got the "L" a few spaces too far right.

pods

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:40 | 4898950 Clockwork Orange
Clockwork Orange's picture

Well played, PODS.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 17:45 | 4899843 ndotken
ndotken's picture

"Can't I just issue an Executive Order and declare victory for the Americans?"

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 13:55 | 4898664 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Why are the walls made out of rubber?

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:00 | 4898700 TideFighter
TideFighter's picture

"Yes, I have to hold Reggie's head down with both hands now."

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 13:55 | 4898667 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

I guess they don't want their gold back.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:04 | 4898724 BandGap
BandGap's picture

Very well played.

Val J looks like an extra from the latest Planet of the Apes movie.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:41 | 4898961 knukles
knukles's picture

Oh, now that's just wong.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 15:01 | 4899091 BandGap
BandGap's picture

I believe she is an Iranian Jew. No, not kidding.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:44 | 4898975 kowalli
kowalli's picture

what? gold? /sacr

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 15:29 | 4899240 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

What gold? LOL

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:45 | 4898977 GMacTrader
GMacTrader's picture

(initiate slow clap) Well done.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 13:56 | 4898669 alexcojones
alexcojones's picture

Obama: "Ya know; I coulda been as good at soccer as I am at golf."

"I coudda been a contender!"

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:23 | 4898866 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

"I coudda been a contender!"

 

Instead he's an ass bender.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 13:56 | 4898673 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

lol at 'powerful' yet dumb woman feeding herself Diet Cancer.

They must have removed the bong and the Cheez-Its from the table before snapping the picture.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:10 | 4898754 you enjoy myself
you enjoy myself's picture

my first thought upon seeing that pic was if the Wookie would allow school kids to snack on that stuff.  

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:17 | 4898814 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

#Wookies4StateApprovedLunches

" Sorry kid, that PB&J mama made you is no good. Gotta eat these freedum fries if you wanna stay in skool, or we're gonna put you on psych meds cuz you and your parents are fucked up because we said you are. *smiley face* "

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:43 | 4898966 knukles
knukles's picture

Pass the fluoride

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 15:23 | 4899211 A is A
A is A's picture

LOL... and forgot to remove the scotch ( see lower right of picture)

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 13:58 | 4898685 SethDealer
SethDealer's picture

we call it pussysport

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:02 | 4898711 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Oh, it's like your army, you're used of losing out... And yet you call them patriots for trying :)

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:15 | 4898803 Omegaman2211
Omegaman2211's picture

What?

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:16 | 4898811 zerocash
zerocash's picture

As opposed to the fully padded and helmeted children sport called "Football" in the US. Over here only little kids get to wear that kind of protection when they go skateboarding. Try some Rugby or Australian Football, they are basically the same sport without the protective gear.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:36 | 4898929 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

We have rugby in America, it's called kill-the-guy, and it's played without pretense of rules and regulations, the only rule is you give the ball up when you can't take any more, and it is an adolescent bloodsport.  It's great fun.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:46 | 4898984 madmax1965
madmax1965's picture

Oh yeah!  Park Ave, kill the guy with the ball was awesome growing up!  Good times!  I long for those days! 

Now, about that picture, Holy shit! we are screwed! a Kenyan and a retard on AF1!

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 17:22 | 4899773 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

She doesn't look Kenyan to me!

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:47 | 4898992 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

As a former major county rugby player, that behavior only happened when we had the misfortune to play

the Metropolitan police team.By them I might add, though I may have kicked a few heads by

accident, cough.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:59 | 4899068 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

The thing is, there are no teams, so there is no basic, conditional reason (he's not on my team) to kick in someone's head.  It's a game of one versus all.  No score is kept.  Your performance has no baseline measure.  You have esteem and honor or you don't, but there is no judge or arbiter to declare anything unequivocably.  It's actually revolutionary.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 13:58 | 4898689 Bold Eagle
Bold Eagle's picture

"I thought that kick below the crossbar was no good?"

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 13:58 | 4898690 There is No Spoon
There is No Spoon's picture

"Pass me that last basket of food. My munchies remain unsated."

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 13:58 | 4898691 firewire888
firewire888's picture

just the like the market going up on bad macro, u.s. advances by losing.   All makes sense.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 13:59 | 4898692 Jack Sheet
Jack Sheet's picture

what a prick

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 13:59 | 4898693 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

In Kenya where I was born. It's called football.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 13:59 | 4898694 stant
stant's picture

Wwf and dodgeball rolled up into one

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 13:59 | 4898696 toddf
toddf's picture

"I am going to inact an executive order mandating that the U.S. won.  And then I will give all the foreign players amnesty so they can come play for the US, get free healthcare (if they can figure out how to sign up and find someone willing to provide care).  And anyone who doesn't take advange of my offer will wind up on the no-fly list, I will have the NSA expose all of their private information via some Murdoch publication or CNN, and then I'll hit the course for another 18."

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:02 | 4898698 Save_America1st
Save_America1st's picture

***Not a caption...just me....

I can't stand soccer...it's just not an American sport even though they try to shove it down our throats more and more lately.  My old g/f in highschool played varsity soccer.  I hated going to those boring games, but I had to do it or no nooky for me! haha  But she did look pretty hot kickin' the other girls asses up and down the field...that's about the extent of it for me and watching soccer.

Like one of my buddies always says about soccer:  "Soccer is for fat kids to get them in shape."  LOL

So anyways...does everyone know that the U.S. men's soccer coach is a German national soccer hero who used to coach the German national soccer team?

Hmmmm...now I won't say there may be a conflict of interest there or anything.  But knowing how fucking fanatical S. American and Euro soccer fans are, why would that guy want to risk getting killed if he steers the U.S. into a victory over his nation team???

Just a little soccer conspiracy theory for you all.  I'm sure he wouldn't give the game away or give up plays to the Germans or anything like that....right???  ;-)

And why the fuck can't the U.S. get a fucking U.S. coach for their little kick-ball team anyways????  Not one guy in America is good enough to coach kick-ball for the U.S.??? 

Why even try to compete then, geez.  Do they wear pink shoes like the NFL now too? 

Weak....

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:02 | 4898706 Omegaman2211
Omegaman2211's picture

I don't really consider the 'nationality' of a sport when I'm considering liking it or not. It's just a really boring thing to watch. There really isn't much more to say.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:08 | 4898745 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

To which people will reply, "But you're still rooting for the US, right?"

Ummmm... NO

I almost cheered when Germany scored, but there were children there who just wouldn't understand. So I just acted loudly dismayed.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:14 | 4898789 Omegaman2211
Omegaman2211's picture

I can't think of anything more pathetic and sad than rooting for a sports team because of nationalism.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:25 | 4898872 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

How about rooting for and sending your kids to die in a war because of nationalism?

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:03 | 4898713 Headbanger
Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:14 | 4898793 john39
john39's picture

Ann Coulter was born a male.  look close.  

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:20 | 4898845 Eirik Magnus Larssen
Eirik Magnus Larssen's picture

Definitely this.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:56 | 4899062 Duffy Duck
Duffy Duck's picture

I'd still tap that ass.

so would you, Johnny...

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:21 | 4898817 Save_America1st
Save_America1st's picture

that was pretty funny...it's funny cuz it's true. haha

And just like I said...the "establishment" is trying to cram soccer down our throats.  Ann Coulter mentions that as well:  (6) I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer. The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO's "Girls," light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is "catching on" is exceeded only by the ones pretending women's basketball is fascinating.

It's true too.  I knew immediately when NBC Sports (the gay peacock channel) bought out the Versus Sports channel that it would be non-stop soccer bullshit.  And I was right.

Not only did NBC destroy that channel with soccer, it also started showing horse racing, polo (WTF is that all about???), and it also immediately cancelled all the cool hunting, fishing, and car shows that Versus had so many of which were very good shows.  But of course hunting shows advertise guns and shooting animals, so NBC (the gay peacock channel) had to cancel them as part of the LBGT, green, Euro, Libtard "agenda".

That channel gets no air time from me.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:54 | 4899040 Zerozen
Zerozen's picture

You're right, soccer is a left-wing globalist conspiracy, clearly. It's downright unAmerican and freedom-hating.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 15:04 | 4899108 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

I would disagree, and say it's only garden-variety pass-agg de-masculinization that just happens to be organized along map lines.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 15:05 | 4899109 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

It seems the more screwed over people are by their govt, the better that country plays "futbol".  There is some definite correlation.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 17:30 | 4899804 U4 eee aaa
U4 eee aaa's picture

The reason soccer is becoming so popular and is so popular around the world is because you don't need expensive equipment to play it. Just a ball. That is why it is the sport of choice in the impoverished countries. With the middle class in America being sent to the poor house it is one of the few sports families can still afford to let their kids play.

That is also why the media likes to shove soccer down our throats. It is their way to rub our noses in it on the sporting level. It is a sign of victory when all the majority of a nation can afford to do is kick a ball around.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:16 | 4898810 spastic_colon
spastic_colon's picture

you need to lie down for awhile and let the medication take hold....since there are no timeouts in soccer the "falling down" is to rest the team.  Soccer is not big in america yet because they havent figured out how to do commercial timeouts like they do every other down in football. 

 

And yes, europeans know a lot more about soccer than americans....do a little research, american football was bourne of european futbal.....just sayin

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:35 | 4898934 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

You need to drive your Beeemer into a boulder at 80mph.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:51 | 4899024 Zerozen
Zerozen's picture

Shows how fucking clueless you are.

Soccer isn't for fat kids. You're sprinting in short bursts more or less constantly for 90 minutes. You know what's for fat kids? Baseball and American football (linemen).

Also, a soccer coach is not the equivalent of an American football coach. He doesn't call plays. He just coaches the team and can scream from the sidelines as much as he wants but once the players are on the field, they're on their own. The only thing he can do is make substitutions. The coach cannot "give up plays" to the other team.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 15:06 | 4899115 Deer Hunter
Deer Hunter's picture

How about a meteorite knocking that sh-t out of the sky? Thank God I won't have to spend eternity with that ass. Back to work.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 00:11 | 4901126 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

People that find soccer boring are too brain-damaged to appreciate the game!

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:01 | 4898702 LibertyBear
LibertyBear's picture

There has to be a way to rig this too.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:50 | 4899014 knukles
knukles's picture

It's horrifically crooked, rigged and staged.
Been discussions about it going on for years, but is so popular, well....
I'd be like trying to take cheese and white wine away from Progressive San Franciscans

Betcha Progressive Insurance wishes they had a different name....

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:01 | 4898703 Cursive
Cursive's picture

It's been 40 minutes with no timeouts?  When is there a commercial break?

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:12 | 4898777 SethDealer
SethDealer's picture

this is why soccer and rugby arent popular in merica, no stoppage so they can show 239848358 commercials and rake in the money

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:41 | 4898955 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

Soccer is unpopular because it's GAY.  Rugby is unpopular because as an amalgamation of soccer, football, wrestling, and adolescent dirt-lot grab-assing, there really isn't all that much depth to it.

 

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:58 | 4899072 Zerozen
Zerozen's picture

I grew up playing rugby. Looks like you don't know the first thing about it, but you sure seem to have a strong opinion on it.

FYI American football evolved directly out of rugby. It's not an amalgamation of anything.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 15:02 | 4899096 Duffy Duck
Duffy Duck's picture

Rugby is very popular amongst people who aren't pad-wearing cunts, though.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 15:07 | 4899124 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

The armor increases the brutality and performance level, not decreases.

Rugby is not popular because that type of play is covered by other sports.  The US speaks English but is not Anglo.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 15:16 | 4899175 Zerozen
Zerozen's picture

Incidentally, I also played a smidgeon of American football back in the day.

The padding allows football players to hit harder and with awful technique, and not feel a friggin thing. It also slows you down a lot, limits your mobility and vision.

In rugby the lack of padding means if you don't tackle with textbook technique you will hurt yourself. You can't hit with as much force, but both you and the tacklee feel it 5x more than football players do.

I agree that rugby can't get popular here in a big way because the spot for that type of sport is already taken by American football, and there are only so many eyeballs/advertising dollars to go around.

But...believe it or not...there are more collegiate rugby teams in the U.S. than football teams.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 15:33 | 4899266 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

I should have written "performance".  Agreed on the technique vs. armor point.  That's why I like basketball and baseball ... these are "naked" sports of technique and strategy (in spite of what big pharma and big media would make them, and you must agree that Rugby has had drug problems as well).

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:02 | 4898707 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Every thing is proceeding as planned. By the time I'm done America will have gone from world power to world beggar.  

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:02 | 4898710 Yes We Can. But...
Yes We Can. But Lets Not.'s picture

The players seem to be falling and getting hurt a lot.  I think this sport needs a helmet law.  Val, would you put that on my executive order list, so I don't forget.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:03 | 4898714 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Fuck is up with this basket of baked Lays chips?

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:49 | 4899004 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

Hah....I had that thought too.

There is a sayngi here in India, as an example/alllegory to this: You can take the boy out of the street but you cannot take the street out of the boy.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:59 | 4899076 knukles
knukles's picture

Well, the French conjured something like that up during the Age of "Romanticism" called the "Noble Savage".
You know, you can take a jungle dweller ot of the deepest dark places in Africa, clothe, house and feed him like a King and soon, he'll be a section 8, EBT addicted criminal sociopath for which most white Progressives will think they're responsible, including the redefinition of the gene pool...

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 15:06 | 4899121 Zerozen
Zerozen's picture

Yeah and I've heard it here in the U.S. too, "you can take the girl out of the trailer park but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl." I think every country must have it's own version.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 22:41 | 4900876 Abbie Normal
Abbie Normal's picture

Hey, my home may be small and on wheels but can your McMansion go 60mph down the highway?

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:03 | 4898715 booboo
booboo's picture

Oh boy, He will order the US Soccer team to wear helmets next year.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:03 | 4898719 huggy_in_london
huggy_in_london's picture

"Fuck them, we aren't giving them their gold ..."

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:04 | 4898721 Debugas
Debugas's picture

we call it "Playing balls"

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:05 | 4898726 homiegot
homiegot's picture

Look, he's with his vacuous cipher. 

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:06 | 4898731 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture

 

 

Where's the basket?

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:19 | 4898832 Duffy Duck
Duffy Duck's picture

it puts its lotion in the basket, or it gets buried at sea...

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:08 | 4898738 spastic_colon
spastic_colon's picture

"Did you hear that?!"

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:09 | 4898750 Duffy Duck
Duffy Duck's picture

hey, he's just like us!

aw, come on boys... let's give him another term!

/
I can not wait for this soccer bullshit to be over... I can sort of get into championship games for any sport, its mostly the white middle class American soccer fans whom I content are inveterate douchebags, more odious even than Eagles or Yankees fans...

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:10 | 4898752 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

"You gonna finish that Coke?"

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 20:14 | 4900362 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

Total product placement.

 

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:10 | 4898758 Rosie-Redknapp
Rosie-Redknapp's picture

I am not sure about the team names , perhaps we can change them !

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:11 | 4898766 replaceme
replaceme's picture

"I look manly watching soccer with my sleeves rolled up."

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:14 | 4898794 Omegaman2211
Omegaman2211's picture

"Next time I talk to Putin I'm going to be really stern and show him who's boss. Y-yeah."

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:11 | 4898768 Uchtdorf
Uchtdorf's picture

There is no integrity in futbol. Watch the multi-million $$ players fall down and hold their shin in sheer agony when slightly bumped in the shoulder by an opposing player. It's sickening to see. Replay should be used to fine their hineys into oblivion. Clean up the game and then I might consider it worth watching.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:13 | 4898790 Eirik Magnus Larssen
Eirik Magnus Larssen's picture

Those who claim that professional soccer players are overpaid need only look at Suarez. The man is simply starving.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:12 | 4898783 Eirik Magnus Larssen
Eirik Magnus Larssen's picture

Just be glad you weren't up against the Netherlands. ;)

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:13 | 4898788 Jigsaw
Jigsaw's picture

'Winner gets their Gold'

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:27 | 4898843 cowdiddly
cowdiddly's picture

"Tell Germany that the WC trophy will be in good hands in NY".

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:16 | 4898806 Canucklehead
Canucklehead's picture

'My friends say soccer was all about cutting off the heads of your enemies and kicking them around the field."

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:18 | 4898820 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Not so much a caption as an observation, but if I were the leader of the free world, I would surround myself with better looking women. 

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:29 | 4898892 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I bet Reggie looks pretty fetching in drag.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:18 | 4898824 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

if it wasn't for the pot brownies this would be boring as hell

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:18 | 4898828 Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture

The Golfer-in Chief, bewildered beyond belief, asks President Jarret about the point of this non-golf game showing on the teewee.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:52 | 4899027 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

Ahhhaaahhhaa...that was an instant belly laugh...thanks Ms. E.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:20 | 4898841 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

Anyone wonder who's team they are rooting for? I'm sure it ain't the US.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:22 | 4898851 Agent P
Agent P's picture

"Want to change the channel and watch some drone strikes?" 

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:22 | 4898855 ptoemmes
ptoemmes's picture

I think I can talk Lebron into playing soccer for his country.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:30 | 4898899 SillyWabbits
SillyWabbits's picture

Bill Clinton, called for you!

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:30 | 4898905 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

     Is that Janet Reno sitting next to zero? </sarc>

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:30 | 4898906 Mox E
Mox E's picture

I'm a hand soccer fan, myself.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:31 | 4898912 BullyBearish
BullyBearish's picture

Discussing how to send the next batch of young Christians half way round the world to die killing Muslims...

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:34 | 4898931 Baby Eating Dingo22
Baby Eating Dingo22's picture

Damned kids broke the remote

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:37 | 4898939 Cake Please
Cake Please's picture

Barack: Did you play soccer when you grew up in Persia, I mean Iran, or whatever we're going to call it when our Caliphate is complete?

Valarie:  Why yes, I played with a lot of balls to get where I am today.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:40 | 4898945 Baby Eating Dingo22
Baby Eating Dingo22's picture

Looks like it's just you, me, and this conference table.

 

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:41 | 4898957 strangeglove
strangeglove's picture

And now you mustn't stroke anyone's head—you might get your hand bitten off.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:41 | 4898960 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Just look at your National 'Leader', sitting watching something he knows nothing about, where its being played, what the rules are, how its played, and what the outcome may be.

He knows exactly the same about Football, as he does about ruining your nation.  Good job I'm a mother fucking duck, or I would laugh, but instead, here I find myself crying, with laughter.

This idiot, this downright, fucking offensive idiot, has no right watching grown children kick a pig skin about.  The fucking idiot, and I mean grade 'A' idiot must be grinding the gears in his idiot head trying to work out what football is.

The fucking idiot would be dangerous on his own in an empty room, never mind trying to watch child men playing the beautiful game.

;-)

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:46 | 4898990 Jethro
Jethro's picture

It's like a dog watching a ceiling fan

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:43 | 4898972 potato
potato's picture

"Wanna see me drone all these fvckers?"

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:46 | 4898978 Took Red Pill
Took Red Pill's picture

"A loss is a win, just like the stock market"

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:46 | 4898979 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

Hey Valerie.

 

Get the fuck out and send in some interns.

 

I wanna watch porn instead.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:46 | 4898980 Jethro
Jethro's picture

Caption Contest submission.  "This isn't what I pictured when you said ball handling skills."

 

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:48 | 4898999 Zymurguy
Zymurguy's picture

"Fuck those tax paying slaves, can't we get a bigger TV in this place?"

 

(BTW, soccer is a gay sport, it was recently announced by FIFA:  http://www.theonion.com/video/soccer-officially-announces-it-is-gay,17603/)

 

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:51 | 4899023 stinkhammer
stinkhammer's picture

I'd like to kick that cunts ass.  Valarie I meant

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:52 | 4899030 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Epic Fail Soccer Cheaters

Just like our US President, a fake.

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:55 | 4899048 landho69
landho69's picture

"The SCOTUS must've voted down my executive order that the US always wear black?"

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 14:58 | 4899071 smacker
smacker's picture

                             "Oh look, it's raining in Recife.

      I hope the weather's better in Palm Springs when we arrive."

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 15:00 | 4899085 landho69
landho69's picture

" You make sure the German team got those Merkel selfies we got from the NSA"

Thu, 06/26/2014 - 15:06 | 4899119 Falconsixone
Falconsixone's picture

Do you think the rain'll hurt the rhubarb?

 

 

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