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Shutting Off Water To 150k Residents - Ukraine? No, Detroit!

Tyler Durden's picture


The news that hundreds of thousands of people will lose water supplies is not a stunning headline anymore - poor old Ukraine... or Iraq. However, this time, the 'it couldn't happen here' crowd might be stunned to hear that The Motor City is playing serious hardball with residents who have fallen behind on paying their water bills. Detroit’s Water and Sewerage Department has begun turning off the taps of 150,000 residents who are at least two months behind on payments. As one advocate notes, "sick people have been left without running water and working toilets. People recovering from surgery cannot wash and change bandages. Children cannot bathe, and parents cannot cook." Of course, given that these are generally voting members of the US public, we would be stunned if the Federal government did not create a new fund to 'help' them out of this 'unfairness'.


As Yahoo reports, The Motor City is playing serious hardball with residents who have fallen behind on paying their water bills.

Detroit’s Water and Sewerage Department has begun turning off the taps of 150,000 residents who are at least two months behind on payments. People are being left without a drop to drink and no ability to bathe or use the toilet. Now a coalition of water and human rights activists has banded together to ask the United Nations to step in and end the disconnections.


Last week, advocates from the Detroit People’s Water Board, Food and Water Watch, Blue Planet Project, and Michigan Welfare Rights Organization submitted a comprehensive report to the U.N.’s special rapporteur that details the dire situation facing folks whose water has been cut off.


“Sick people have been left without running water and working toilets. People recovering from surgery cannot wash and change bandages. Children cannot bathe, and parents cannot cook,” write the report’s authors. And “families concerned about children being taken away by authorities due to lack of water and sanitation services in the home have been sending their children to live with relatives and friends, which has an impact on school attendance and related activities.”

In 2013, Detroit declared bankruptcy—it’s $18 billion in the hole. Half of the 323,000 customers served by the city’s Department of Water and Sanitation have either paid their bills late or simply can’t afford service, to the tune of $175 million.

Back in March, the department announced that it would be cutting service to residents who hadn’t paid up. Although the city claims that it started sending out notices about the disconnections in March, the report’s authors write that they heard “directly from people impacted by the water cutoffs who say they were given no warning and had no time to fill buckets, sinks, and tubs before losing access to water.”


“We really don’t want to shut off anyone’s water, but it’s really our duty to go after those who don’t pay, because if they don’t pay, then our other customers pay for them,” department spokesperson Curtrise Garner told Al Jazeera America. “That’s not fair to our other customers.”

However, activists claim the city has been unfairly overcharging Detroit residents for water to compensate for its significant financial woes.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 38.1 percent of Detroit residents are living below the poverty line. Despite the tough times many people are facing, they’ve been paying an average of $64.99 a month, significantly higher than the national average of about $40, and rates are only going up. The Detroit City Council just approved a nearly 9 percent rate increase for water.

“What we see is a violation of the human right to water,” Meera Karunananthan, an international campaigner with Blue Planet Project, told Al Jazeera America. “The U.S. has international obligations in terms of people’s right to water, and this is a blatant violation of that right. We’re hoping the U.N. will put pressure on the federal government and the state of Michigan to do something about it.”

Three U.N. human rights experts issued a statement on Wednesday, declaring that “disconnection of water services because of failure to pay due to lack of means constitutes a violation of the human right to water and other international human rights.”

“When I conducted an official country mission to the U.S. in 2011, I encouraged the U.S. government to adopt a federal minimum standard on affordability for water and sanitation and a standard to provide protection against disconnections for vulnerable groups and people living in poverty,” said Catarina de Albuquerque, who is the U.N.’s special rapporteur on the right to safe drinking water and sanitation. “I also urged the government to ensure due process guarantees in relation to water disconnection.”


One of the experts, Leilani Farha, who focuses on the right to adequate housing, also pointed out the racial implications of shutting off water to the nearly 83 percent black population. “If these water disconnections disproportionately affect African Americans, they may be discriminatory, in violation of treaties the U.S. has ratified,” said Farha.

Although the experts declared that “households [that] suffered unjustified disconnections must be immediately reconnected,” when was the last time the U.N. issued sanctions against an American municipality for human rights violations? In the meantime, 3,000 residents have lost their water, and Detroit plans to turn off the service of thousands more every week.

*  *  *

So people didnt pay their bills... advocates claim demanding payment for services rendered is capitalist exploitation (and racist)... and now the UN explains how that doesn't matter, water is a right? Tell that to Cambodians?

Welcome to the free market America


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Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:37 | 4903424 TalkToLind
TalkToLind's picture

But what about the chillrens????

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:39 | 4903431 max2205
max2205's picture

And we are Green

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:40 | 4903444 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Agenda 21 in action.  Feel the GREEN!!!!

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:44 | 4903464 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Blah, blah, blah, give us some information we can use.  Should I be buying or selling these municipal bonds?

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:50 | 4903476 Say What Again
Say What Again's picture

With only 15 minutes until closing time, I think its possible for SP500, RUA, and moar to reach an all-time-high.

Go Merica!!!

BTW - Tell everyone to move to Saginaw

Also they should start buying pitchforks

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:51 | 4903519 john39
john39's picture

as long as ISIL gets its 500 Mil, who cares...

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:52 | 4903528 lordylord
lordylord's picture

I guess the fools finally ran out of other people's money. 

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:56 | 4903538 svayambhu108
svayambhu108's picture

OT :

Did anyone else taught the same about that at the time?

Did BP used nukes to stop the spill ?

There was a rare one in 50 years earthquake the same night the spill stopped in Louisiana

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:13 | 4903630 COSMOS
COSMOS's picture

Boy Right about now that 500 million dollars Obama earmarked for terrorISIS would sure come in handy in Detroit go keep the water running.  YAWN but I hear the money will be used to shut off more water, to millions of IRAQIS by taking over damns by force etc.

Not only that but the instability in the region raises gas prices and we end up paying for it at the gas pump.  Gotta love it.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:19 | 4903660 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

Well, in Michigan, you are never more than a couple miles from surface water.

Besides, where I live (west of Detroit) we have received more than twice the normal rainfall this month.

Bring on the cisterns!

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:39 | 4903734 Vampyroteuthis ...
Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

“What we see is a violation of the human right to water,”

BS. It is not your right to have water piped to you. The SNAP additcs can go to their local lake.... I meant sewer and haul it old school. This is assuming they don't die of a heart attack before reaching their home.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:40 | 4903742 COSMOS
COSMOS's picture

Sure not a right to have water piped to you in the USA but you have the right to have your money sent to other countries to build up their water infrastructure for free.  Please spare me your BS

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 17:11 | 4903838 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

Interesting bit of trivia. Not only are the Great Lakes the largest resource of surface fresh water, under them is the largest salt deposit.

Detroit’s salt mines are like an underground city within the city. It is a massive expanse of 1,500 acres and over 100 miles of roads right under everyone’s feet. It stretches from Dearborn, located in the northwest of Detroit’s metropolitan area, and known to automobile lovers as Henry Ford’s birthplace, via Melvindale to Allen Park in the southwest.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 17:04 | 4903839 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

Or here's the other side of it: fine, I don't want city water; I'll just sink a well.  Except that in most municipalities you can't.  A city resident isn't allowed to have a well.  You either pay for a city line or FUCK YOU.

I am Chumbawamba.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 17:49 | 4903991 Zoomorph
Zoomorph's picture

Let's not use government stupidity elsewhere to justify ridiculous socialism. "Human right to water" my ass.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 18:51 | 4904159 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

LOL.  Serious?  Wow.  Where do they make people like you?


Sat, 06/28/2014 - 02:54 | 4904961 Fiat Envy
Fiat Envy's picture

How can it be a human right to use violence to force someone else to provide you with something you need?

Sat, 06/28/2014 - 17:07 | 4905845 Monty Burns
Monty Burns's picture

Let's just assume that it is a 'human right' (every f*cking thing these days is a human right) to have access to water.  But sure as hell it is not a human right to get someone else to pay for treating it and piping it to your door.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 19:07 | 4904206 NoTTD
NoTTD's picture

And I don't want that done, either.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 19:15 | 4904233 0b1knob
0b1knob's picture

Actually in Michigan as in most states its against the law to cut of water to an occupied home.   They are cutting off water to unoccupied houses (of which there are many) and posting a notice to pay on occupied ones (pay your bill or face eviction).   After a court hearing the residents can be evicted if they don't pay.  As the article states most people pay.


Fri, 06/27/2014 - 20:16 | 4904398 HurricaneSeason
HurricaneSeason's picture

Some places in Florida will get the shut off order in the mail to you if you're a day or 2 late, not 2 months.  The notice will tell you that they'll charge $75 to turn it off and $75 to turn it back on, at least.  It wouldn't be good to be $50 behind.  They make hardship deals, probably a small percentage.

In Ohio, the city safety director told me "We are a business like anyone else."  My renter got water in 5 gallon buckets from the neighbor next door. They turn it off.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:52 | 4903790 Bemused Observer
Bemused Observer's picture

Great. Tell you what Skippy, when Detroit becomes ground zero for some 18th century, third-world disease outbreak, how bout we all just wall the lot of you in? Why should the taxpayers in the rest of the country have to send the CDC in to clean up your shithole?

Assuming you don't die of a heart attack first.

You better start 'stacking' antibiotics.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 17:23 | 4903907 Bill of Rights
Bill of Rights's picture

Quick someone notify snake pliskin

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 21:06 | 4904502 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

well coach,  somthing needs to thin the herd of the free shit army. have seen nothing but non-darwin socialism nearly my entire life.  so pay for your dirt cheap sterilized potable water or get it cut off. its simple, 

godalmighty, a right to free water?  oh i remember now, it was right under that line in the declaration about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.


wake up,  john smith,  you don't work, you don't eat. well we changed that.


then we did away with a right to our wages, so that they could be confiscated before we were paid them and the money given away for votes.


mazlo's heiarchy was circumvented.  no need for shelter, we have a right to that.  no need for food, we have a right to that. and from rape statistics no need for socially acceptable means to sex.  appearantly they have a right to that as well, they just take.


they have been taking for nearly 50 years and it is not enough and will never be enough. moar, moar, moar.


some liberal ass whiner said something about it's nothing compared to what we spend on war in other countries and largesse sent to other countries.  


yeah, we should put an end to it full stop.


somebody else talked about all the bailout money given to banks and elite,  we whould put an end to that full stop as well.


but the most putrid liberal drivel i have heard in ages is,  a basic human right to water.


this country is more fucked up than a blind mans tackle box and thats for sure and for certain.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:22 | 4903670 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

It's a safe bet you couldn't pull this shit off if the President was white and Republican.

He was well chosen.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:41 | 4903750 COSMOS
COSMOS's picture

The poor black folk dont realize that Obummer was never about them, he serves another groups interestes.  Sold down the river by an Uncle Tom.

Sat, 06/28/2014 - 06:48 | 4905069 Gavrikon
Gavrikon's picture

Of course not.  If he did, he'd be RAY-cisssss!!!!!

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 18:27 | 4904093 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

The Motor City is playing serious hardball with residents who have fallen behind on paying their water bills
Golly, up in the land of Whitey, you get your shit turned right off if you don't pay; and no one thinks it odd.

One would have to wonder about the functional IQ of a creature that expects the water/food/electric to keep on a comin' without any payment.

Oh - I just got it; they think the water be flowin' from Obama's stash.

I hope the UN does deploy to clothe and bathe the Hopeless Negroes of Detroit - that would be some absolutely awesome video.

I imagine a truck filled with water and greens, being overwhelmed by colorfully garbed denizens of Detroit as choppers strafe and rocket.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 19:26 | 4904261 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

The basic problem is the concept of water being a right. Unfortunately it is not because if it is, someone must be forced to provide it. Therefore healthcare and food are not rights as well. Long ago people understood this concept and provisioned themselves for a possible lack of basic needs. Nowadays people are so disconnected from the realities of life they are clueless.

Drop a bichon frise in the Serengeti and it will just search for the food bowl. However, before long, nature will take its course.


Fri, 06/27/2014 - 20:19 | 4904403 COSMOS
COSMOS's picture

Yeah but back in the days you could go into the forest or fields and pick any herbs and wild plants you needed for your ailments (most modern drugs are derived from medicinal plants whose properties were explored, case and point big pharma has tons of reserchers scrounging around India and China looking for old time remedies).  You had the right to go out there and get the plants you needed.  Now its called trespassing and someone has torn down the native fauna to plant bermuda grass for a golfcourse.  Listen stuff became a basic right when that happened. Same went for food and water, so please dont go telling me its not a basic right.  When society breaks down me and my weapons will be exercising my basic rights quite thoroughly.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 21:13 | 4904523 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

well bubba, you try to exercise your basic rights by taking mine or threatening to.  you may find out that there are people that are old timey tough and meaner than catshit on linoleum that can still shoot a mite, or set some pretty good snares for play bandits.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 22:00 | 4904614 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Sweety you are dead wrong here. Water is a necessity not a right. You need to unlearn what has been indoctrinated by a college professor. If anything is a right it MUST be provided to you. That means enslaving some one to do so if necessary. Or taking from someone else to provide it. There is no way else to look at it. Study the difference between rights and privileges.


Fri, 06/27/2014 - 23:12 | 4904715 scrappy
scrappy's picture

BS God Created the Earth. Not the Koch Bros. It is a human right to access GOD's creation - Water.

To have it piped to you for zilch is wrong, but so is not having access to a reasonable way to get some somewhere.

If I were the first man to ever catch a fish in the ocean, would I and my family own this "property - my claim on fish" over others, forever?

Common sense begets the notion of our common-wealth.

That's part of why we are in this mess - GREED.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 23:27 | 4904762 knukles
knukles's picture

See and the powers that be in SanFran want to limit your access to water, and use federal funds to do so....

Sat, 06/28/2014 - 10:35 | 4905246 Hulk
Hulk's picture

LOL, they are limiting the velocity at which you access the water, not the actual water itself !!!

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 21:36 | 4904574 SofaPapa
SofaPapa's picture

"The basic problem is the concept of water being a right. Unfortunately it is not because if it is, someone must be forced to provide it. Therefore healthcare and food are not rights as well. Long ago people understood this concept and provisioned themselves for a possible lack of basic needs. Nowadays people are so disconnected from the realities of life they are clueless."

My thoughts have gone exactly here as well.  The whole concept of "rights" has been completely divorced from "responsibilities".  When the founders talked about rights, they were describing their reasons for armed insurrection for independence from the crown.  In other words, they were saying that their actions to take matters into their own hands were just.  They did not expect anyone to GIVE them rights.  Rights were tied to their struggle to bring them into reality.  That concept of "If I want something, what do I have to do or trade to obtain it" has been lost in this country for decades.  One way or another, however, it will return.  The concept of "resources" will be relearned and the current concept of "money" will be shown to have been garbage now for a long time.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 23:32 | 4904775 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

You get it. I'm not saying this is pleasant but a simple reality. We as humans can help one another in times of need but this is entirely different from being forced.


Fri, 06/27/2014 - 23:58 | 4904817 Curiously_Crazy
Curiously_Crazy's picture

A 'right' is me being able to set a bore in my yard to get the water, or build a rainwater tank to capture the natural rain. But when the gov comes in and says "sorry son, you're not allowed to do that" then yes the bastards should provide me with water if they are stopping me from getting it myself.

Sun, 06/29/2014 - 05:50 | 4906697 Kobe Beef
Kobe Beef's picture

I agree with you. But the SNAP crowd in Detroit ain't talking 'bout digging a well or building a cistern. They're demanding more free shit, and claiming ray-cism.

Cut them off. Root, hog or die. The perpetuation of the FSA/Nanny State dysgenic cycle is neither my concern nor in my interest.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:24 | 4903680 Paveway IV
Paveway IV's picture

"...the same night the spill stopped in Louisiana..."

The seafloor blowout flow was reduced enough (for a year or two, anyways) to allow BP and the U.S. government to claim to Americans that it stopped and everything is now OK. Just like those TEPCO guys told the Japanes people those Fukushima reactors were in cold shutdown and cleanup could start. 

Really great lies have to be tailored to the target population's language and culture. They rarely survive scrutiny when subject to the critical thinkers across other languages and cultures. If the government either allows an odd amount of de facto censorship on an event, or actively promotes such censorship secretly and squeals about doing any such thing in public, then you can be sure you have no frickin' indea what really happened or how it ended or if it's even over.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 18:11 | 4904047 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

But without water, how will they make their mud huts and mix pigment for face paint?

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 18:22 | 4904085 Government need...
Government needs you to pay taxes's picture

They also need the water to recover after their rounds of spear chucking.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 20:21 | 4904409 COSMOS
COSMOS's picture

Hmm how will they boil you dead, or maybe alive for fun, to get the protein they require when society breaks down and we have marauding gangs with molotovs to burn you out of your house and pick you off as you run out.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 18:18 | 4904069 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

I don't usually double post...

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:48 | 4903502 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

The Chinee are buying up large swaths of Old Detroit, and while they are largely pro water, they are terrified of Pit-bulls.  Hope that helps.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:53 | 4903795 LasVegasDave
LasVegasDave's picture

All you need to know about Detroit, right here:


An Excerpt:


An 83 percent black city, where civilization - created and only capable of being sustained by whites - was supplanted by the regression to the black mean. 

Though many will assert water is a basic human right, the reality is this resource is no more a right than is the right of a citizen to enjoy safe streets in their community. 

A community is only a reflection of the people who call it home. 

Who work hard to make those streets safe and a place where responsible families can flourish. 

It doesn't just happen naturally any more than water is naturally supposed to come pouring out of your faucet when you put it into the "on" position. 

You have to pay for it. 

Detroit, an 83 percent black city, is not that place. 

It's an unnatural place, kept alive merely by federal and state grants. 

Class dismissed.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 19:09 | 4904214 NoTTD
NoTTD's picture

It's 83% diverse!  Big success story for the NYT!

Sat, 06/28/2014 - 00:03 | 4904823 Curiously_Crazy
Curiously_Crazy's picture

"It doesn't just happen naturally any more than water is naturally supposed to come pouring out of your faucet when you put it into the "on" position. "


Actually it does for 10's of thousands of farmers in Australia and 10's of thousands of others living in remote areas. It's called a water tank. Remember them?

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:45 | 4903475 max2205
max2205's picture

They just said it out loud.. . 83% of blacks in Detroit don't/won't pay their water bill

What else don't they pay for



Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:55 | 4903542 john39
john39's picture

i think i read that the bill starts at a base of around $80 per month...  for fluoridated, chlorinated shit quality water...   utter bullshit.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:57 | 4903793 Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

they will just open a hydrant

edit: oops, already said below.  Okay my contribution: use the water fountain at the park, or the nearest restaurant or swank hotel bathroom (oh yeah, the owners will love that)

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 20:00 | 4904357 Oleander
Oleander's picture

Swim in public pools and shower at the YMCA.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 17:13 | 4903867 BeerMe
BeerMe's picture

That is on who continues to get elected.  You can't rack up massive amounts of debt and not expect consequences.  Of course these people are to brainwashed to understand.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 17:03 | 4903826 SDShack
SDShack's picture

I wonder how many of those same people DO pay for cell phones, cable tv, cigarettes, tatoos and booze each month. Plus wear the latest and greatest sports clothes, sneakers, and fashion jewelry.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:40 | 4903445 max2205
max2205's picture

Don't worry about it.  The UN will take care of them.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:47 | 4903491 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

"Aim small, hit big."

"Aim 'blue,' hit big."

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:01 | 4903576 Dangertime
Dangertime's picture

Yeah a pretext to get the UN on soverign soil.


Let's be real, how many of these households have flatscreens, cellphones, XBoxes, or spinners on their cars.


I call bull$hit they can't pay their waterbill.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:08 | 4903609 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

Shutting off the water is drastic. Flow restricters work better.  You get enough to drink but not enough to shower.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:16 | 4903644 COSMOS
COSMOS's picture

And just you wait, should the people try to put in a rain collection system so they can get some water that way, it will be declared illegal, happened to someone I think in Oregon or Florida.  So what will happen is that people will break up water mains or fire hydrants to get at water, and the city ends up paying more to fix busted pipes.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 18:35 | 4904122 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture


“Did you know if you don’t pay your electric bill within 4 to seven… months, they will turn your lights right out – don’t you think they should slowly dim them so you get the hint to pay the bill?”-Dave Attel

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 20:50 | 4904466 FeralSerf
FeralSerf's picture

Isn't collection of rain water already illegal in Colorado?

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:14 | 4903633 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

Give the scum of Detroit a one-way ticket to Port-au-Prince and let them witness the wonders of UN aid up close.

If clean free municipal water right such a human right, then these ass clowns owe reparations to all the people in other banana republics who had to do without so that the FRB could provide them with an unnaturally elevated standard of living and inexpensive way of life for decades.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:24 | 4903681 Idaho potato head
Idaho potato head's picture

They need to call in NATO assistance and do a reverse flow scheme. I mean hey it's working for Ukraine.

Sat, 06/28/2014 - 06:52 | 4905073 Gavrikon
Gavrikon's picture

The difference is, I care about the folks in Ukraine.  The Detoileters?  Not so much.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:40 | 4903442 ZH Snob
ZH Snob's picture

does this mean the proposed tax on air is still on the table?

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:43 | 4903459 Hugh G Rection
Hugh G Rection's picture

The air will still be free, but you will have to pay a $10 carbon offset tax everytime you fart.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:51 | 4903525 Mi Naem
Mi Naem's picture

No Problem.  Just head to the local Victoria's Secret, and crop-dust those SBDs. 

Do they still have those in Detroit?  Victoria's Secret, I mean. 

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:43 | 4903752 gatorengineer
gatorengineer's picture

No shortage of Vickies or stores selling $200 sneakers......

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:43 | 4903753 gatorengineer
gatorengineer's picture

No shortage of Vickies or stores selling $200 sneakers......

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:52 | 4903530 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

"The air will still be free, but you will have to pay a $10 carbon offset tax everytime you fart."

And file a "Methane Release Reporting " form to ascertain if you farted more during the previous year and 'owe' more loot to Al Gore.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:12 | 4903628 Mr Giggles
Mr Giggles's picture

The guy who comes to fit that meter, will be taking his teeth home in his hat.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 19:11 | 4904226 NoTTD
NoTTD's picture

Another reason not to give in to them.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 17:47 | 4903971 teslaberry
teslaberry's picture

funny i'm selling fart offsets if you need any. i obtain them from an unnamed agency that pays me for keeping about a hundred farts a day in my butt . the verification system is just about signing a few papers under oath about how many farts you keep in your ass. 


thing is , i used to think everyone getting these credits were liars , especially one guy i knew who claimed to keep an average of 500 farts a day up his ass for about two years. I always thought he had a trick like burping them out his mouth or something but he denied every attempt I ever made at guessing his secret . Until one day, he just exploded in a violent manner , spontaneous human explosion. yea. 

So now we have to have this stuff regulated and a few government beauracrats formed the  FPA funded by a tax on our sales of offsets to make sure everybody is being safe with their witheld farts. I mean, i figure the concern is that people are cheating and diluting the market for my offsets with fraudulent ones. I suppose regulation is for the best even if it costs extra, but safety first . 

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 20:28 | 4904421 cbxer55
cbxer55's picture

$10.00 a fart? That one is going to cost me alot of money! ;-)

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:47 | 4903487 Pooper Popper
Pooper Popper's picture

83% of the black population.????????! I didnt know white people actually still lived in Detroit!

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:09 | 4903608 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Why shore nuff, dem dose white ghosts who's baby daddy's be African-Merican. Ain't good enuff fer proper white folks, not black enuff fer the hood. Dey liv on the outskirts, but dey get EBT cause dey babies be like Obama.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:41 | 4903746 z tranche
z tranche's picture

Really? Please. There's a lot more here than what you see in the MSM.  But everybody in every social stratum of Detroit (and particluarly the suburbs) knows that the Water Department is one of the biggest revenue generators left to actually operate the City.  The City can't touch casino revenue because it was used as collateral for a (basically) unsecured loan right after a corrupt mayor got booted from office. Property taxes? People abandon more houses every year. So here's what a Detroit water bill looks like for me: $14.97 for water, about the same for sewerage, and the rest of my $93 bill for this month is various 'fees'. Less than 10 years ago, that bill arrived every quarter and was under $100. Yes, it's still a small bill compared to a mortgage or even cell phones, but that's still a roughly 300% rise for no increase in use or in service provided.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:48 | 4903776 COSMOS
COSMOS's picture

You would think supply and demand at hand would say, more abandoned houses means more water available to fewer customers should drop the price.  But that supply and demand stuff is only for the classroom, we know in reality its Setup and Defraud

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 19:18 | 4904243 Jstanley011
Jstanley011's picture

Supply and demand only work as advertised in free markets participated in by free agents on both sides of the sale. Water, because of the infrastructure involved, tends to be supplied by monopolies created and run by gun-toting governments, whose captive customers have one choice: pay up or else.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 17:31 | 4903928 MachoMan
MachoMan's picture

My water bill in the cheapest place in the U.S. is ~$10/mo. (for hellaciously good drinking water)...  sewage maybe $5/mo...  and electricity on a full electric house, even in the summer with the AC blaring, doesn't top $120 and probably averages more like $75ish... Maybe an extra $3-5 in fees.

In short, your water bill alone is more than the entirety of all my utilities.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:44 | 4903763 gatorengineer
gatorengineer's picture

Muzzies count as white.....  A few havent made it to Dearborn yet....

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 17:49 | 4903989 teslaberry
teslaberry's picture

who says 17% are white? assumptions assumption . ASS U ME

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 18:02 | 4904017 25or6to4
25or6to4's picture

My guess is the other 17% is a mixture of Hispanic and Middle East. No way that a caucasoid makes it through one night in that shithole. At least not without special forces training.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:13 | 4903593 Herodotus
Herodotus's picture

Have you ever seen how much water is in the Detroit River?  Get a bucket folks!  All the water you want is free for the asking.  Or better yet, just bring a bar of soap down to the shoreline and you can have a free bath in the river on Saturdays.


Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:17 | 4903653 COSMOS
COSMOS's picture

No shower needed in winter since you dont perspire lol, that or a good fresh snow rub to cleanse the skin, I wonder how the eskimos do it.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 18:09 | 4904040 Bemused Observer
Bemused Observer's picture

Jesus Christ! Don't you people THINK before you post? Or is it like some kind of Tourettes, where it just comes out before you can stop it?

Or maybe you were being sarcastic? (I hope...)

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 19:10 | 4904220 ThankYouSatan
ThankYouSatan's picture

Herodotus, you've never smelled the detroit river. Impetigo

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 19:13 | 4904228 NoTTD
NoTTD's picture

Big flaw in your plan:  That would involve work.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:29 | 4903700 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

The pedo's collect thru CPS.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:36 | 4903726 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

Are these people insane?  Fuck, PAY the goddamned water bill.

Those are the FIRST two bills (water / electrcity) that get paid.  



Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:52 | 4903792 viahj
viahj's picture

i agree and am dumbfounded (not really) as to why they would shut down the water.  shut down the water/electricity = instant riots...

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 17:50 | 4903994 teslaberry
teslaberry's picture

people who cannot afford to pay for things are by definition insane. they should be put on medication for brainsanity by the state, with your tax dollars. not our tax dollars, just yours.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 17:52 | 4903999 doctor10
doctor10's picture

they ssem to be importing more of them from south of the border

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 18:20 | 4904079 jerry_theking_lawler
jerry_theking_lawler's picture

If healthcare is a 'right'....then water, sewer, and electricity is a right. Tax the rich and give all of this stuff free to the poor.

Come on Amerika...what are you waiting for....


Sun, 06/29/2014 - 06:03 | 4906707 Kobe Beef
Kobe Beef's picture

Now that's some 21st Century Compassionate Socialistism! Change we can believe in. And then we could have an even bigger government make moar Americans poar so the evil rich have to pay moar! And import moar poar because equality! Diversity! FORWARD SOVIET!!

The USSA does not have a future. This is not a bad thing.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 18:28 | 4904103 Freddie
Freddie's picture

I am sure if everyone here does not pay the water bill - it gets shut off.  It has happened to me before because I forgot.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:38 | 4903428 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

this must be bullish as the Dow, NAsCrap, and the Smelly&Piss have miraculously recovered all losses in the last 30 minutes of trading...


Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:01 | 4903572 101 years and c...
101 years and counting's picture

a green close for stocks is much, much more important than running water.  even if the people arent paying for it because they have no money for it because obama's #1 goal since he was sworn in has been, and will continue to be to fuck the middle and lower class as much as possible.  stocks are THE ONLY priority for this "administration".

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:06 | 4903587 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

nice how they man handled the phony paper price os Silver which had traded at 21.11 all day to get it down below 21.00 in the last hour...

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:38 | 4903429 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

they will just turn it back on themselves. duh.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:42 | 4903448 ShrNfr
ShrNfr's picture

Most folks do not have the socket on the end of the 4' tool with the handle to turn it back on. The service is turned off with a valve off the water main which is sufficiently deep to be below the frost line.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:45 | 4903477 PartysOver
PartysOver's picture

They will find a way.  Steal some pipe.  Steel a wrench.  Borrow a welder.  Mission Complete.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:48 | 4903501 Mi Naem
Mi Naem's picture

Entrepreneurial opportunity knocks,  and I might give it a try myself if not for the pervasive robbery..., oh, wait, nevermind. 

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:01 | 4903562 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

duh. they do too. a tee and a pair of bolt cutters is A LOT cheaper than the water bill. you ain't very street wise cuz.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:07 | 4903601 barre-de-rire
barre-de-rire's picture

you could be surprised how smart a nigger can be when he is hit in own liberty of consuming.


no bath, he gonna break next house 's pipe & take buckets.

you  leave house, gonna use your bathroom.


just 15 years in africa experience here.  nothing more dangerous a nigger who is hungry.


advise for america, never make nigger starving,  -> is gonna be war.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 18:30 | 4904106 Freddie
Freddie's picture

I should try that next time my water gets shut off and it has.  If I do - I will be arrested and go to jail.  I guess I am the wrong color.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:39 | 4903433 Milton Freewater
Milton Freewater's picture



Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:56 | 4903550 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture




People who expect water should pay their bills. Shame on them for demanding everyone else pay for their free stuff!



Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:36 | 4903723 COSMOS
COSMOS's picture

What about the free stuff and foreign aid and billions of stuff we give other countries, including loan guarantees, and oil guaranteed at a certain low price etc, why don't we expect those people to pay their bills too??  Why is it wrong for the black dude to expect something free from his govt but a foreign citizen of another country is not a problem cause they are white. At least most of the black community is christian while all the other foreigners we ship money out to are not and they are not Americans either.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:58 | 4903814 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture



Here's a novel concept:

Let's cut out all the free stuff we give to foreign countries, and use the funds to pay down the national debt.

The USA managed to survive for 137 years and become a world superpower without the Federal Reserve and an income tax.

The US government should be a referee; keeping the game fair, instead of taking sides and deciding to take from one team to give to the other.


Fri, 06/27/2014 - 19:15 | 4904235 NoTTD
NoTTD's picture

And I don't want that shit done, either.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 18:04 | 4904027 Bemused Observer
Bemused Observer's picture

So when the outbreaks start, you won't be demanding everyone else pay for your treatment, right? You'll quarantine yourselves and deal with it in-house, and not ask for any 'free stuff' from the CDC, is this correct?

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:39 | 4903435 ShrNfr
ShrNfr's picture

Well, well!

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:40 | 4903439 WTFUD
WTFUD's picture

Dem $100 hookers will start smellin' like $20 hookers

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:46 | 4903483 Mi Naem
Mi Naem's picture

Now there's a man who sounds like a working girl connoisseur. 

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:40 | 4903441 bigrooster
bigrooster's picture

"Three U.N. human rights experts issued a statement on Wednesday, declaring that “disconnection of water services because of failure to pay due to lack of means constitutes a violation of the human right to water and other international human rights.”

FUCK you UN assholes who think that you can tell Americans what to do!  Why don't you pay the fucking bills with all of the money that US Taxpayers give to the UN each year.  I can't wait until I see some your blue hat fuckers on the street to shoot!

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:11 | 4903622 TalkToLind
TalkToLind's picture

Send the water bill to the UN.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:18 | 4903657 saltedGold
saltedGold's picture

Human right to water?  Says who?  Is Warren Buffet aware of this? 

We'll see how that right to water thing goes 50 years from now...

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 17:59 | 4904015 BurningFuld
BurningFuld's picture

Warren should buy all the free flowing water in the US and shoot anyone that goes near it. <= End result of Criminal Capitalism.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:25 | 4903682 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

Those three U.N. human rights monkeys must have been strangely silent when the EU was demanding the Greek government get its deadbeat serfs to pay up, thereby denying that water is human right.

As usual John Bolton was wrong when he said it wouldn't make any difference if the UN building in NY lost 10 stories. In fact, it would make the world a better place, particularly if those 10 floors were filled with UN bureaucrats at the moment of disappearance.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:40 | 4903443 free_as_in_beer
free_as_in_beer's picture

Sounds like a jobs program in disguise.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:41 | 4903446 walküre
walküre's picture

Shut it off. Just do it.

Residents can walk a mile to the well somewhere in the city.

Water in the house is a privilege that many people on the planet would die to have. Paying a few bucks for that privilege is not too much to ask. Especially since water is a valuable resource that shouldn't be wasted.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:44 | 4903465 seek
seek's picture

Except they won't. They'll take a bucket to the nearest hydrant, open it up, fill bucket and leave, with the hydrant still running.

The same I'll-just-take-it attitude that allows someone to not pay the water bill applies to everything else they do as well.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:05 | 4903588 pods
pods's picture

I used to see that in Providence in the summer at my Grandpas house (bad neighborhood). 

They just opened up the hydrants and used it as a sprinkler.  


Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:06 | 4903594 zaphod
zaphod's picture

What was great about america 2 generations ago was that even given all its faults there were very few people of that mindset. Today it's become the majority. 

If you can't shutoff someone's water when they don't pay, then there is zero incentive for anyone to pay it. It's reached the point that people refusing to pay for their food, shelter, healthcare, phones and now water, still receive all these things anyway and the suckers are the ones working 80 hours a week to pay their own way. 

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:51 | 4903780 COSMOS
COSMOS's picture

Can you blame the common folk for the mindset when they see those in DC and on Wall Street stealing left and right. 

Heck even the treasurey secretary lied on his taxes to hold on to a few thousand dollars.  Then the guy before him made off with One Trillion Dollars in TARP funds which he didnt even have to account how it was spent lol.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 20:22 | 4904411 seek
seek's picture

Yes, you can blame them. It's still wrong.

But it does show why maintaining the rule of law and actual justice at all levels of society is important -- when you move to lock up a teenager with pot brownies for 99 years while people that steal billions walk free, and the government takes bribes is causes faith in the law to collapse and then you wind up with the entire system collapsing and the "bad" kind of anarchy. (God knows we could use some of the good kind to offset the regulartory BS, but that's a dream at the moment.)

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 20:58 | 4904483 FeralSerf
FeralSerf's picture

"If you can't shutoff someone's" GOVERNMENTAL SERVICES "when they don't pay, then there is zero incentive for anyone to pay it."

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 17:58 | 4904011 Bemused Observer
Bemused Observer's picture

Really? Well, go ahead and shut 'er down then. See how much of a "privilege" it is when those folks start sharing their diseases with you, when the lack of sanitary facilities cause human waste to leach into your own water supply. See how far that "privilege" gets you when you and yours get sick even though you paid your bill. Or when you can't trust what comes out of your tap but are still getting billed for it.

A heads up...most of the kinds of diseases you'll see will start with stomach cramps. Don't muck about, get a friend to take you to a hospital. If it is cholera, it can kill you in a matter of hours, and once you start getting the symptoms, you will probably be too sick to go yourself.

Good luck to you.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 18:25 | 4904092 jerry_theking_lawler
jerry_theking_lawler's picture

'They' say it takes a village...well, the village needs to form a line and shuttle water to the kids.


Fuck these idiots. They are ruining America.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:41 | 4903447 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Just a guess, but this probably isn't in one of the neighborhoods recently purchased by the Chinese...

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:51 | 4903520 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Only the very, very, tanned Chinese.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:42 | 4903453 halfasleep
halfasleep's picture

Then walk to the f'ing lake

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 17:42 | 4903966 Bemused Observer
Bemused Observer's picture

"Then walk to the f'ing lake"

Maybe you shouldn't post until you are fully awake.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 20:19 | 4904404 Bemused Observer
Bemused Observer's picture

Hey, to my three downvoters...I hope you don't live near me, because we have several lakes here, and I can tell you right now, any plans you have to make our little lakeshores look like the banks of the Ganges will be met with violent opposition.

Let 'em walk to YOUR f'ing lake and turn it into an open sewer. We try to keep our folks in housing fit for human habitation so they don't have to shit and bathe and wash their clothes in our water supplies. We're funny that way.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:42 | 4903456 Sophist Economicus
Sophist Economicus's picture

Isn't there a welfare program for this?

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 19:39 | 4904304 NoTTD
NoTTD's picture

Probably 10 or 12...

Sun, 06/29/2014 - 06:09 | 4906708 Kobe Beef
Kobe Beef's picture

You can never have enough welfare.


Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:43 | 4903461 FuzzyDunlop21
FuzzyDunlop21's picture

Cant cook? Cant cook meth more like it.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 19:11 | 4904208 25or6to4
25or6to4's picture

Exactly. As long as McDonalds, KFC and Dominos pay their water bills these people should have plenty to eat.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:43 | 4903462 Mi Naem
Mi Naem's picture

More class warfare agitprop from our friends at freedom-loving-libertarian-small-government ZH. 

People aren't paying their bills.  Who's going to pay those bills, you? 

And, now we're taking moral, ethical advice from the U friggin' N?!? 

"Shutting Off Water To 150k Residents - Ukraine? No, Detroit!"

"Welcome to the free market America"


Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:51 | 4903518 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

Do you think the $500 Million Obomber requested from Congress to fund ISIS could have been used to help out here?

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:55 | 4903546 Mi Naem
Mi Naem's picture

No, I just think it's $500 million more the FedGov pretends it will repay. 

Meantime, we use other peoples money to help bring down the existing systems for the new global government under SDR's or some global fiat concoction. 

The Keystone Cops on Bath Salts could do a better job. 

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:59 | 4903560 Ness.
Ness.'s picture

Then why did you feel the need to throw your little jab at ZH in your post?  I don;t think the Tyler's or their readers had anything to do with the plight of Detroit, do you?

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 15:57 | 4903552 john39
john39's picture

the bills are outrageously high because the USSA is totally disfunctional...  coming soon to your neighborhood.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 16:41 | 4903744 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

But if the bills weren't outrageously high, how would we pay all those executive bonuses? How would we keep the niggers and the spicks from access to what is clearly the solitary right of the privileged white upper class?

Remember; it's only socialism if it benefits the poor.

If it benefits the rich, it's capitalism.

High price for running water? Capitalism. What's not to love?

Sun, 06/29/2014 - 06:10 | 4906710 Kobe Beef
Kobe Beef's picture

African-style corruption isn't cheap, mmkay. Takes a lot of well-meaning, Tax Donkey Honkies to keep it going.

Fri, 06/27/2014 - 17:39 | 4903955 Bemused Observer
Bemused Observer's picture

Well, as long as you are willing to put your money where your mouth is...So when you get a major outbreak of some third-world disease, you'll be showing us some of that rugged individualism by not whining for any Federal help, right? You won't be demanding that the taxpayers send in the CDC or anything like that, correct?
I'm good with that. As far as I'm concerned, anyone who deliberately shits their own bed should be happy to lie in it.

Sun, 06/29/2014 - 08:21 | 4906791 DannoH
DannoH's picture

Enough with the end of the world disease nonsense. Every god damn post end of the world disease.

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