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Jamie Dimon Diagnosed With Throat Cancer, To Start Radiation And Chemotherapy

Tyler Durden's picture


He may be "richer than you", but when it comes to cancer everyone is equal. Moments ago, Dow Jones and Bloomberg broke news that JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon has been diagnosed with throat cancer.

  •  J.P. Morgan JPM Chairman, CEO Jamie Dimon Tells Employees, Shareholders He Has Been Diagnosed With Throat Cancer, Condition Curable
  • Dimon Says Prognosis "Excellent," Cancer "Caught Quickly"
  • Dimon Says Cancer Confined, No Evidence Elsewhere
  • Dimon to start Radiation and Chemotherapy Treatment at Sloan Kettering, treatment to last 8 weeks
  • Dimon advised able to continue to be actively involved in the business

And now the best healthcare that money can buy will be promptly put to use. We wish him a speedy recovery as it would be far more equitable for the JPM CEO to answer for his actions in full health before a jury of his peers, where guilt can not be "admitted or denied" away.

Full Dimon email

Message from Jamie Dimon to all colleagues and shareholders

Subject line: Sharing some personal news

Dear Colleagues and Shareholders -

I wanted to let you know that I have just been diagnosed with throat cancer. The good news is that the prognosis from my doctors is excellent, the cancer was caught quickly, and my condition is curable. Following thorough tests that included a CAT scan, PET scan and a biopsy, the cancer is confined to the original site and the adjacent lymph nodes on the right side of my neck. Importantly, there is no evidence of cancer elsewhere in my body.

My evaluation and treatment plan are still being finalized, but at this time it appears I will begin radiation and chemotherapy treatment shortly at Memorial Sloan Kettering Hospital, which should take approximately eight weeks. While the treatment will curtail my travel during this period, I have been advised that I will be able to continue to be actively involved in our business, and we will continue to run the company as normal. Our Board has been fully briefed and is totally supportive.

As you all know, we have outstanding leaders across our businesses and functions – the best team I’ve ever had the privilege of working with – so our company will move forward together with confidence as we continue to deliver first-class results for our customers, communities and shareholders.

I feel very good now and will let all of you know if my health situation changes.

I appreciate your support and want to thank our employees for the amazing work they do day-in and day-out. I’m very proud to be part of this company and honored to be working with such an exceptional group of people.



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Tue, 07/01/2014 - 18:52 | 4915527 Overfed
Overfed's picture

A friend of mine died of throat cancer in Feb. of this year. Not sure I wish it on anyone, even Jamie Dimon. Pretty miserable.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 18:56 | 4915542 UnpatrioticHoarder
UnpatrioticHoarder's picture

Dimon did too much DATY?

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:02 | 4915574 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Let's all be more kind about his illness now

And send him a nail gun.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:03 | 4915579 JLee2027
JLee2027's picture

Maybe GOD no longer wants Jamie to speak?

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:04 | 4915586 gh0atrider
gh0atrider's picture

...or throwing Jamie off a building would be a little too obvious?

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:08 | 4915599 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Not if he lands in some deep cold fast flowing water 500 feet below.

I know!  We'll take him out bungee jumping off a very high bridge over a flooded river....


And I wonder how many people committed suicide because of decisions he and his bank made these past five years??

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:09 | 4915611 max2205
max2205's picture

From eating IPads like the rest of us?

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:14 | 4915635 gh0atrider
gh0atrider's picture

Jamie may be richer than us but he is not at the top of the food chain.  It's widely believed that Jack Ruby, Hugo Chavez and others have been given weaponized cancer.  Taking out the high level guys might make sense now if we accept V and Lagarde's recent  speaches about something big in July...

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:16 | 4915647 gh0atrider
gh0atrider's picture

...and correct gh0atrider if he is wrong, but isn't throat cancer rare in non-smokers and non-chewers?

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:18 | 4915659 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

If this weasel Dimon comes out and starts getting all philosophical over this ("I never realized how precious life is.  I'm a changed man.  You can't take it with you.") I will be the first to send him a letter saying, basically, fuck off and suck it up your stoma, big boy.  Nobody wants to hear your banker sniveling.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:19 | 4915666 linniepar
linniepar's picture

Money is gold, and nothing else.  Throat cancer is expected when living a diabolical bankers life of sucking on the golden teat. - JP Morgan

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:46 | 4915764 Gaius Frakkin' ...
Gaius Frakkin' Baltar's picture

Death is the great equalizer.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:47 | 4915765 Publicus
Publicus's picture

Too bad for him, chemotherapy is a scam.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:54 | 4915786 Cap Matifou
Cap Matifou's picture

I am sure he walks up the Rockefeller Center instead, where the cancer cures are locked up before the commoners since decades.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 20:00 | 4915812 logicalman
logicalman's picture

He'll get a lot better care than most.

I doubt his medical bills will bankrupt him and lead to foreclosure

So, no, cancer is not the same for everyone.

Death is.

Hopefully a lot of banksters can reach equality.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 20:10 | 4915851 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

"You can't invade the Pearly Gate with the machinery of State"

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 22:38 | 4916236 SF beatnik
SF beatnik's picture

So there's a god, afterall.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 22:08 | 4916240 COSMOS
COSMOS's picture

Don't believe it till the Dimon scum is 6 feet under.  He said it was caught early on the evening news.  Could of been a biopsy that was just carcinoma in situ, meaning the shit never got a chance to spread or invade.  The clown is playing it up for some sympathy for whatever reason.

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 00:50 | 4916729 August
August's picture

Look on the bright side:  his tumour has spread to regional lymph nodes.

While he may already be completely cured, this could also be just the start of a long and very unhappy chain of events. It's bad if  any tumour gets into the bones of the face/skull.

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 01:04 | 4916758 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

Twain's great quote about Jane Austen seems appropriate here.

"It seems a great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death."

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 01:50 | 4916820 Four chan
Four chan's picture

there is only one true value and we all trade it for things that are comparatively worthless.

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 07:07 | 4916999 ShorTed
ShorTed's picture

It's a good start but plenty more crooks to go.

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 01:48 | 4916819 Richard Chesler
Richard Chesler's picture

Couldn't happen to a nicer scumbag.


Wed, 07/02/2014 - 00:57 | 4916742 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

I didn't think snakes got cancer.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 22:13 | 4916270 American Dreams
American Dreams's picture

All you folks wishing him a slow death and even more so the ones offering sympathy need to take a look at Chris Dodd.  Oh the pity party and slow death wishes he received at the time but Chris and his cancer were nothing more than a PR stunt for him to move on to greener lobbiest pastures and to be forgotten.  Diamon and his cancer will be the same, "is he dead? poor fellow, struck down in his prime? where is he these days?"  So, goodbye Jamie you miserable fuck, your exit is prepared, say hello to Chris will ya.

No more lies, no lore lies


Wed, 07/02/2014 - 06:21 | 4916963 mc225
mc225's picture

yeah it's probably a pr stunt. maybe i'm too cynical...

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 00:44 | 4916719 August
August's picture

Major, disfiguring facial surgery can be interesting, not that I would wish such a thing on anyone in particular.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 21:50 | 4916193 Crash Overide
Crash Overide's picture

They just need a cover story for a routine procedure to replace the clone... move along, nothing to see here.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:18 | 4915660 linniepar
linniepar's picture

Perhaps all that radiated golden cock he's been sucking.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 20:07 | 4915838 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Michael Douglas says you get it from eating bad pussy, maybe those uptown hookers aren't as clean as one would imagine?

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 21:04 | 4916037 sodbuster
sodbuster's picture

Maybe he can change his name to Ned and get one of those electronic voice box thingys.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 22:10 | 4916261 COSMOS
COSMOS's picture

He got it from all those big fat cigars he smoked to celebrate each time he swindled some pension fund or country.

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 03:22 | 4916878 cbxer55
cbxer55's picture

I was going to bring up stogies. you beat me to it.

I've been smoken em for years, but in moderation. One a week or so.  

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 10:30 | 4921367 DC Exile
DC Exile's picture

From Bloomberg:

Studies have shown that more than 70 percent of U.S. cancer cases in this area of the throat are the result of infection with human papillomavirus, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta. Smoking and excessive alcohol consumption are the other main contributors...

When cancers are induced by HPV rather than by smoking, “there may be significant improvement in the chance of responding to therapy and remaining cancer free following therapy,” Masters said. “There are some differences in the way tumors grow and propagate from the way they are induced by HPV and the way they’re induced by smoking.”

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 22:17 | 4916294 Crawdaddy
Crawdaddy's picture

Doctor to Jamie - I have good news and bad news

Jamie: Bad news first

Doctor: We have a cure but it can only be applied to you orally from the tip of satan's cock

Jamie: forget the bad news, I got this down.


Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:19 | 4915664 SafelyGraze
SafelyGraze's picture

attention reggie love

get yourself checked

if it happened to jd, it could happen to you



Tue, 07/01/2014 - 23:57 | 4916613 Indian_Goldsmith
Indian_Goldsmith's picture

Pathetic , the Schadenfreude  I see here on Zerohedge, at someone's misfortune.

I thought America was a land devoid of jealousy at others' success.

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 00:41 | 4916712 BigJim
BigJim's picture

Yup, that's us all right!

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 00:54 | 4916736 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

I was never one to laud someone's criminal success.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 21:12 | 4916066 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Ya eat too many blue pills, and look what happens!

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:16 | 4915649 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

Chemo is only effective for 3% of adult cancer patients!

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:26 | 4915686 Dublinmick
Dublinmick's picture

Piece I read said only 4% survive chemo for over 5 years. It kills the heart muscle also.

Many times people don't have it. A friend of mine survived chemo. He said I did not even know I had cancer, felt fine until the check up. I told him maybe you didn't.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:48 | 4915767 Publicus
Publicus's picture

Exactly, you are better off without chemo almost 100% of the time.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:56 | 4915792 Cap Matifou
Cap Matifou's picture

Too hard to tell to those who think this is their only hope.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 20:44 | 4915949 Not Too Important
Not Too Important's picture

Why take more of what is most likely causing it in the first place? Decades of nuclear atmospheric testing, Chernobyl, Santa Susanna, Hanford, Fukushima, WIPP, on and on.

Is it the chemicals in the tobacco, the fiberglass in the filter, or the radiation in the soil that the tobacco is grown in?

Fukushima is the final nail. There will be more, but Fukushima was enough. Right now WIPP is just the icing on the nuclear yellow cake.

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 00:45 | 4916720 Lanka
Lanka's picture

Forget the chemo, try silver.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:12 | 4915627 old naughty
old naughty's picture

Cam someobe be kind enough to tell him chemo is outdated...

A Recipe To Make Cannabis Oil For A Chemotherapy Alternative
Wed, 07/02/2014 - 00:56 | 4916740 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

Hopefully not.

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 03:01 | 4916866 ThirteenthFloor
ThirteenthFloor's picture

not suicides, most likely trade arrangements secured by a "love note" that JPM or the feds failed to make good on, dk'ing the receiver.  When the victum complained or threat to show compliance records, they were hit with a nail gun or pushed off the roof.  Compliance audit will show a lot of unusual suspect trading since '05, as this site points out regularly.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:09 | 4915614 JLee2027
JLee2027's picture

Sending an angel to smote Jamie would be undetectable too.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 22:10 | 4916259 Mr. Magoo
Mr. Magoo's picture

Thats what happens when you swallow instead of spit

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:06 | 4915604 bbq on whitehou...
bbq on whitehouse lawn's picture

That was funny.
Maybe GOD wants him to stop doing Gods work.
Someone wants Jamie to STFU.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:17 | 4915653 Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

bullshit and lies coming out of ones mouth can cause cancer? wow i did not know this.

in reality though, it's just an excuse to be out of the office cuz the Shit is about to hit the fan and he knows it.  Next up with a unforseen medical problem will be lord "doing god's work" Blankfein

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:41 | 4915728 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

if only that little fuck "i have my balls stuck in my throat thats why I talk like that" Lloyd Bank-fiend would announce something similar... it would be a great weekend for roasting weenies

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 20:19 | 4915880 johnnymustardseed
johnnymustardseed's picture

Does throat cancer come from sucking FED cock?

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 06:37 | 4916971 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

~"Maybe GOD no longer wants Jamie to speak?"~

My thoughts were that there is something incredibly Dante's Inferno-ish about old Jamie getting it in the throat. Nothing could be more apropos for someone who made his living by preaching deceit.

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 13:04 | 4918228 Kassandra
Kassandra's picture

“I wear the chain I forged in life....I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it.” ~ Dickens

Yeah, I'll be very surprised if he goes all reformed Scrooge on us.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:06 | 4915595 zerozulu
zerozulu's picture

I hope he spread this to his buddies.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 21:10 | 4916057 brockhardman
brockhardman's picture

Luckily it's not contagious. It's the direct result of how many c*cks he had to puff on to reach the top.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 23:15 | 4916471 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

Did Rottenfellar give him HPV?

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 21:43 | 4916171 SilverDOG
SilverDOG's picture

Let us all see that this is a complete attempted EMPATHY front.




S   L    O      W L Y.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 18:56 | 4915543 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

Part of the Natural Order: the Devil claims one of his own.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:24 | 4915681 cougar_w
cougar_w's picture

I was going to feed him to the tiger one of these days, sort of the same thing.

Guess I missed my chance.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 20:07 | 4915836 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

As long as the tiger stays away from his throat and lymphatic system I'm sure it will be okay.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 18:56 | 4915546 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

To bad it wasnt dick cancer. It would of made it harder for him to fuck us.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 18:59 | 4915556 zerozulu
zerozulu's picture

cursed by a billion struggling middle class can cause throat cancer.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:01 | 4915576 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

Better a thousand Dimons than a single innocent.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:00 | 4915568 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

"Not sure I wish it on anyone, even Jamie Dimon. Pretty miserable."

I didn't wish it on him, but I'm not going to shed a tear either.  

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:19 | 4915634 Overfed
Overfed's picture

Fair enough. I ain't gonna cry for him, either.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:05 | 4915590 JLee2027
JLee2027's picture

Sorry about your friend.

Following thorough tests that included a CAT scan, PET scan and a biopsy, the cancer is confined to the original site and the adjacent lymph nodes on the right side of my neck.

I had cancer last year, clear now. They have no way to tell if it's spread until they perform surgery to remove and examine the lymph nodes. Jamie could be a dead man walking.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:17 | 4915652 Overfed
Overfed's picture

My friend was clear for 11 or 12 years before it came back. Let's hope you are luckier.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:36 | 4915720 spekulatn
spekulatn's picture

Very close family member had it years ago as well. He was clear of any cancer after the chemo/radiation for 15 years.

Then diagnosed with stomach cancer and died 3 weeks later.

The C is a cruel disease.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:15 | 4915641 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

Fuck him, fuck his throat, fuck his soul, fuck his family.  Fuck whoever the fuck calls him friend.  

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 05:13 | 4916928 Ratscam
Ratscam's picture

you sound like 2Pac in the song Hit'em up :)

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:49 | 4915774 caShOnlY
caShOnlY's picture

FUK YES!! THERE IS A GOD!!!! GO JAMIE, GO!!! and take that phucking LOYD JIZZSTEIN with you!!

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 20:01 | 4915816 OceanX
OceanX's picture

That's what my neighbor had...  I thought he wsa improving because I saw him out smoking more often.  One day, his sons came over and told me he would not last the weekend.   He refused all treatment, it had spread to his brain...

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 20:47 | 4915962 Not Too Important
Not Too Important's picture

John Wayne refused treatment for lung cancer. Had the first one removed, drank like a fish until the other one went.

Well, he drank like a fish a lot of the time anyway, but that's another story.


Long live the Duke!

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 23:27 | 4916514 gallistic
gallistic's picture

Fuck the Duke!

He was a faux cowboy, a faux soldier, a faux this and a faux that.

Shove your tinseltown fairy tales up your deluded ass!

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 20:39 | 4915930 Not Too Important
Not Too Important's picture

He might get his throat cancer under control, but his lungs are full of enriched uranium and plutonium - as are all the rest of ours, from the ongoing Fukushima - and now WIPP - fallout:

"Some 39 months after the multiple explosions at Fukushima, thyroid cancer rates among nearby children have skyrocketed to more than forty times (40x) normal.

More than 48 percent of some 375,000 young people—nearly 200,000 kids—tested by the Fukushima Medical University near the smoldering reactors now suffer from pre-cancerous thyroid abnormalities, primarily nodules and cysts. The rate is accelerating.

More than 120 childhood cancers have been indicated where just three would be expected, says Joseph Mangano, executive director of the Radiation and Public Health Project.

The nuclear industry and its apologists continue to deny this public health tragedy. Some have actually asserted that “not one person” has been affected by Fukushima’s massive radiation releases, which for some isotopes exceed Hiroshima by a factor of nearly 30."


We're just getting warmed up. Hug your kids, the smaller ones will go first.


And if you think you or your family will get cancer care in a few years, if you're not in the .001%, good luck.


Tue, 07/01/2014 - 23:15 | 4916472 Mesquite
Mesquite's picture

And not to mention all the cancers now showing up in the ME due to all the DU used over there...


Tue, 07/01/2014 - 20:48 | 4915967 emersonreturn
emersonreturn's picture

karma.  i've had numerous friends, family die of cancer, too many forms to list.  one family member battled stage 4 for 15 & a half years.  i've watched myraid battles.  some noble few accepted and left with grace, some valiant wounded fought and won, only to be yet again tossed to the fates, and time after time struggled up to fight yet again. i've witnessed magnificent heroic wars.   i've heard the death talk doctors give more times than i can recall, and while i don't rejoice in jamie's diagnosis, i truly hope in his battle, and a battle it will be, that he arrives at a vista where he may begin to glimpse the damage he's caused.  some of us die in ignorance, while others  die soaking in self pity, some few die in love.  how any one of us will behave or what we may learn or if we shall manage to depart within a state of grace we may never know until we come  F2F with that singular moment..and if he allows it i suspect his will be a reckoning of shattering magnitude.  i hope for the cleansing of the planet!  i do not seek retribution.   death and his higher self will no doubt render him to his own magnificent fukushima.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 21:40 | 4916160 jerry_theking_lawler
jerry_theking_lawler's picture

I don't normally wish bad things upon people......but, die already.

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 01:42 | 4916815 xtop23
xtop23's picture

With the pain this fucker has caused around the globe, I hope he strangles on that fucking tumor.

Good riddance to bad rubbish. 

I can only add that I wish it was pancreatic and not esophogeal.

THEN..... we might have an actual shot at the Earth being rid of this parasitic bastard.

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 03:23 | 4916879 Idaho potato head
Idaho potato head's picture

As Cheney's heart attacked him, Dimons throat turned on him, poetic justice, simple.

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 07:56 | 4917066 Peanut Butter E...
Peanut Butter Engineer's picture

I found myself rooting for that cancer.. Is that bad of me?

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 18:54 | 4915529 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Sucking dick with shit on it, could be the cause. 

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 18:58 | 4915553 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

No isn't it from licking nasty twat as Michael Douglas said?

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:00 | 4915563 jbvtme
jbvtme's picture


Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:03 | 4915571 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

It's from licking Bernanke.  He is, after all, a giant stinking infested bearded clam.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:14 | 4915638 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

You ain't seen nothin' till you're down on a muffin, then you're sure to be a-changin' your ways.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:49 | 4915770 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

I met a market cheerleader, was a real CNBC'r

All the times I can reminisce

Ah the best thing lovin'

With her sister and her cousin

Started with a Kramer kiss, like this

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 20:06 | 4915821 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

I know - everybody knows... where it comes and where it goes...

i know it's everybody's sin got to lose to know how to win

sing it with me , if it's just for today, maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 20:48 | 4915972 Not Too Important
Not Too Important's picture

"Started with a Kramer kiss, like this"

Walk this way, walk this way!

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:39 | 4915734 mbutler101
mbutler101's picture

too much verbal diarrhea

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:47 | 4915766 overmedicatedun...
overmedicatedundersexed's picture

c-diff ,vre, candida,mrsa, all await oh mighty prince of finance, sleep well tonight the minimum wage cleaning staff at your hospital are, well ,less than motivated like your well oiled bank.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 18:56 | 4915530 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Bet the cost of treatment is .05% of his income, whereas regular people would go bankrupt (if they even got good treatment).

"Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy."



Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:04 | 4915587 Freddie
Freddie's picture

The avg American now is pretty much screwed if they get a serious illness.  At least Dimon has a chance.  The rest of us would have no chance thanks to ObamaCare.,

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:08 | 4915609 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

He could probably pay for his entire treatment by selling one of his presidential cuff links. What a fucker.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:20 | 4915669 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

die you arrogant fuck, and your kids are little ugly fucks too, thanks for making them to prey off the other 99% like you have go and die   

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:42 | 4915750 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

This is the funny part. His income doesn't matter. Look how infinite resources Steve jobs ended. Throat cancer has a poor outcome if spread and not detected early. Even if he does survive it his health may never be the same. Radiation often causes cardiac problems later.

I'm glad he wasn't hit by a bus and have an easy exit. This may be long and protracted Living Hell and I feel no pity for such an evil asshole. I'm sorry, but I have seen cancer strike wonderful people and devastate them and their families. It's nice to see him experience something he can't buy his way out of.


Tue, 07/01/2014 - 21:00 | 4916019 Colonel Klink
Colonel Klink's picture

Yep, hope he dies a long, slow, painful death.  He deserves no less!

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 22:18 | 4916295 COSMOS
COSMOS's picture

Here is the nice part of it, the JAWS gets to have all his teeth pulled.  Usually due to the radiation given their teeth drop out so they usually yank them out preemptively.  He will be a dentured smile from now on till the rest of the cancer drags him down 6 feet under.

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 00:46 | 4916721 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

Hopefully they will pull them without anesthesia.

Did not know that about the teeth. Thanks

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 03:28 | 4916883 cbxer55
cbxer55's picture

Pushin up daisies with a toothless grin. LOL  ;-)

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 20:08 | 4915842 puckles
puckles's picture

And I can assure you that in his case, the cancer meds will not be on the short list, as they are for so many these days.  Thank you, FDA.  This was the start:

Now, the shortages include everything up to and including IV saline.  Yes, that's right--a sterile NaCl saline drip bag.  You are better off heading to Europe or the Far East, but that's been the case for years, if you are not an elite by birth.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 18:54 | 4915531 hegemony
hegemony's picture

I'm sure others will not be so kind but I wish death from cancer on no man

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 18:57 | 4915550 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

I wish it upon subhumans.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:12 | 4915552 J S Bach
J S Bach's picture

I understand your altruistic sentiments.  I, personally, don't wish cancer upon anyone either.  However, I do wish JUSTICE upon all of us - and if cancer is this guy's just deserts, then so be it.

I will add that I didn't shed a tear when Ted Kennedy got brain cancer either.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 20:51 | 4915979 sodbuster
sodbuster's picture

Scuba Ted? I haven't given that piece of a shit a single thought since he croaked.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:11 | 4915624 spinone
spinone's picture

I hope the guillotine can cut through the tumor.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:16 | 4915648 bbq on whitehou...
bbq on whitehouse lawn's picture

He is not a man, he is a beast; having chosen the way of the beasts.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 18:54 | 4915534 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

To rephrase a line from The Who: "Meet the new boss, same as or worse than the old boss."

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 18:54 | 4915535 yogibear
yogibear's picture

Jamie Dimon you piece of crap, it's what happens when you suck on too many bankers when you were younger.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 18:55 | 4915538 BernankeHasHemo...
BernankeHasHemorrhoids's picture

Hell yeah I wish it on him. That and more. I wish him the most excruciating painful death that it is possible to have. In fact I would like to be at his hospital bed torturing him while he dies. I don't want this SOB to have one moment's peace until he dies and goes to the hell he so completely deserves. GOD IS PUNISHING YOU, YOU BASTARD!

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:06 | 4915593 agent default
agent default's picture

You know it is interesting you say that.  If you are poor, you cannot afford treatment so it progresses fast and the end is relatively quick.  It is soul crushing, may be painful, but still, it is quick.  If you are rich on the other hand you can afford treatment, which is pretty horrible and not really effective in the long term, many times requiring chemotherapy or surgical procedures (that's when they cut you up piece by piece), and you know that you are fighting a losing battle which gets worse day buy day. So in a way Jamie with cancer is a way of divine justice. 

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 20:21 | 4915884 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

You are so correct.

One of my clients,very rich Boston banker,has been going thru' purgatory

for years now,fighting recurrent new areas of cancer.

He donated the cancer wing of his hospital up there, and the hospital

is milking him for every dollar over his prolonged death rattle.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 18:58 | 4915554 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

His Cancer is Richer than yours. 

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 18:58 | 4915555 BiteMeBO
BiteMeBO's picture

Let them eat chemo.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 18:59 | 4915557 souljaboy
souljaboy's picture

Well, that'll keep him out of oral testimony and depositions for a while. Just sayin'.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:10 | 4915621 BanksterSlayer
BanksterSlayer's picture

Yeah, do we even really know if this news is actually true? I wouldn't put it past Jamie to fabricate this whole thing as a personal escape pod.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:20 | 4915667 bbq on whitehou...
bbq on whitehouse lawn's picture

People like him do not spend their lives hiding on a farm. There is no where for him to run to, that the people cannot find him.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:28 | 4915689 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

He can always write or type it. If the next letter about his medical condition includes problems with tennis elbow then you know what is up.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:00 | 4915558 dashingdwl
dashingdwl's picture

He got it from sucking unclean government co<k.


Tue, 07/01/2014 - 18:59 | 4915559 f16hoser
f16hoser's picture

Hope you DIE Fuck-Wad! Take a Nail Gun and Expidite your departure mother-fucker!!!

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:27 | 4915677 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

Unfortunately "that's why I'm richer than you" doesn't work at the Pearly Gates, but I still hope he suffers alot before his eternal hell-fire of excruciating agony... at least his kids will live well for a brief time before they face their own judgement... just kidding who am i to judge anyone, they do seem like assholes though

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 18:59 | 4915564 ross81
ross81's picture

Can't all these Wall St banks just get a massive heart attack and die? Tonight preferrably.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:43 | 4915753 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

no that would be bad for XLF, might even cause the Spooz to open lower, can't have that...

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 18:59 | 4915565 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

My guillotine is concerned.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:49 | 4915772 agent default
agent default's picture

Don't worry, the blade does not get stuck in the tumor.

Wed, 07/02/2014 - 00:17 | 4916659 CaptainObvious
CaptainObvious's picture

+1 and I wish it could be +1000.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:00 | 4915567 Charles Nelson ...
Charles Nelson Reilly's picture

Yeah, cancer is a bummer. I'm not exactly wishing this prick a speedy recovery though. Whatever happens, happens.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:03 | 4915583 overmedicatedun...
overmedicatedundersexed's picture

I would perfer he suffer  by his throat at the end of a rope, but this may do.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:15 | 4915645 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

my thoughts exactly

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:42 | 4915745 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

This is worse.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:01 | 4915572 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

The hangman is being cheated.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:24 | 4915679 bbq on whitehou...
bbq on whitehouse lawn's picture

No the people will just dig him up and hang the corpse. Place it in a cage on Wall street for all traders to see.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:34 | 4915713 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

That will be difficult, as the cemetery will most likely be in Israel.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:01 | 4915573 Randy Goodnight
Randy Goodnight's picture

Not saying I wish anything on anyone . . . .However, this guy and others in his line of work are parasites that cause lots of misery for lots of people.

Hard to have sympathy for him.  He could/could have chosen other things to do with his life.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:02 | 4915575 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture


Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:06 | 4915598 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Nail guns, guillotines and tall buildings.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:02 | 4915577 yogibear
yogibear's picture

It's what happens when your mouth is full of shit. 

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:02 | 4915580 JmanSilver.Gold
JmanSilver.Gold's picture

poor POOR Jimmy Demon.  The thief of WaMu has throat cancer.   Too much manchowder Jimmy? Somewhere, that despicable lying fucking smelly FrauDIC CUNT sheila cunt bair is crushed.  Its just so sad.  Truly.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:02 | 4915582 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

Hey Jamie, why do you have more cancer than me?!

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:04 | 4915585 BurningFuld
BurningFuld's picture
Supraglottis (part of the larynx above the vocal cords)


    5-year relative survival rate










Glottis (part of the larynx including the vocal cords)


    5-year relative survival rate










Subglottis (part of the larynx below the vocal cords)

(These numbers are less accurate because of the small number of patients.)


    5-year relative survival rate












    5-year relative survival rate











    Hope he's not a betting man. Those are very very bad numbers.


Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:12 | 4915631 JLee2027
JLee2027's picture

If it's in the lymph nodes, he's at least stage 2.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:04 | 4915588 NoWayJose
NoWayJose's picture

"God's work"

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:06 | 4915600 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

Finally. Took Him long enough.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:05 | 4915594 Eternal Complainer
Eternal Complainer's picture

Is he a smoker?

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:06 | 4915597 razorthin
razorthin's picture

I was wishing that he get rectal cancer, but this will do.

Tue, 07/01/2014 - 19:06 | 4915601 D-Fens
D-Fens's picture

Fuck the pussies here who, in their self-righteousness, say that they don't wish it on him.


I for one, wouldn't shed a tear if it goes metastatic and kills him.  Fuck the bastard.


And that's what makes me a man, and what makes you pussies.  Because I recognize that all 7 billion of us walking talking contradictions have to die of something, and it might as well be these asshole bankers.  But you want to be "nice" and humane and all that shit because you yourself imagine that you will live forever, and that is what makes you their slave.

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