• Tim Knight from...
    04/28/2016 - 00:27
    I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate - AKA the World's Most Exclusive Club - but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.
  • Tim Knight from...
    04/28/2016 - 00:27
    I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate - AKA the World's Most Exclusive Club - but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.

The Cost Of Your July 4th Burger Has Never Been Higher

Tyler Durden's picture


Tomorrow, Americans will celebrate their independence from an over-taxing tyrant by eating and drinking to excess - and rightly so. However, what many will find as they pile into their friendly local grocer (Costco), is that the price of the July 4th smorgasbord has never (ever) been higher (as perhaps, just perhaps, another tyrannical entity - the Fed - has taxed them in a much more pernicious manner). Ground beef burgers have never been more expensive (+16.5% from last year)... and nor has white bread, American cheese, iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, ice cream, and chips...


Your July 4th Burger has never been more expensive... (up 16.5% from last year!!)

(wondering what the asterisks are - at significant inflection points in the price? Blue is Greenspan unleashing his dot-com bubble rescue plan and Red is Bernanke beginning his save-the-rich printing press plan to rescue Main Street from the banking crisis)


But it's not just Burgers... Bloomberg has compiled an index of the seven staples of July 4th...The barbecue index tracks ground beef, white bread, American cheese, iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, ice cream and potato chips... and that has never been higher...


Happy 4th!

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Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:06 | 4922387 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

How much does a 100% pure BS burger cost?

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:15 | 4922426 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture

 How much does a 100% pure BS burger cost?


Six years, $6T in new debt, the entire former middle class, and about 400 sleeves of lost golf balls (so far)...

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:34 | 4922497 Gaius Frakkin' ...
Gaius Frakkin' Baltar's picture

Not long now before it's illegal to hoard hamburger.

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:37 | 4922509 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

However, one can hoard as much FB stock and USTs as one would like.  Kinda tells a guy what has real value and what does not. 

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:46 | 4922538 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Good thing we're paying the BLS for such important metrics as a BBQ index. Now there's value!

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:50 | 4922549 BigJim
BigJim's picture

 The Cost Of Your July 4th Burger Has Never Been Higher

Can I still pay for it Tuesday?

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:17 | 4922434 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

BioSolids aren't directly allowed in food products yet..

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:19 | 4922446 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Is 'BioSolid' an euphemism for 'poo'?

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:27 | 4922454 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

Shhhhhh!... The official policy in the BS industry is currently "Don't ask don't tell".

Their motto is "Probably more nutritious and delicious than wood pulp"

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:28 | 4922476 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

I would've figured it would be "Don't ask, don't smell." ;-)

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:10 | 4922404 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture

Ground beef burgers have never been more expensive (+16.5% from last year)... and nor has white bread, American cheese, iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, ice cream, and chips...


Who puts ice cream on their burger?

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:18 | 4922439 813kml
813kml's picture

Trailer park sophisticates.

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:43 | 4922516 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

We call them "iceburgers" and they are simply delish!

Swing by my doublewide sometime...

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 16:32 | 4922695 Bangin7GramRocks
Bangin7GramRocks's picture

This is great news! Americans will be forced to eat a bit less than a fucking rhinoceros. Eat fresh, local real food and don't shovel it into your fucking face and we wouldn't need to worry about the "healthcare crisis".

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 16:38 | 4922711 MopWater
MopWater's picture

Why don't you come down off that ivory tower...I think the thin air is messing with your brain.

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 17:04 | 4922780 Bangin7GramRocks
Bangin7GramRocks's picture

I'm not being a dick. Most of the health problems in the U.S. are food related. Either too much food or chemical laden fake food.

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:11 | 4922407 joego1
joego1's picture

Don't forget the wood pulp dear!

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:11 | 4922408 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

      I have a P.H.D. in " Photosynthesis Engineering" ...

   Also accredited by the, " Skool of Hard Knocks".



Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:12 | 4922410 Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

and I thought wood was supposed to make food cheaper


Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:14 | 4922422 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

It does.  You can take your leftovers home and burn them in your wood stove to save on rising energy costs...

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:17 | 4922433 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



You can fish your "products" out of the loo and do the same with them.

Not exactly "hickory" flavor, mind you...

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:30 | 4922483 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Like shit you can...


PS. I'd be afraid that the remaining alchohol would burn the house down.

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:18 | 4922442 TruthHunter
TruthHunter's picture

 "I thought wood was supposed to make food cheaper"

It does, but not for the consumer!

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:47 | 4922543 taketheredpill
taketheredpill's picture




How long before the bag of chips on the side is actually..a bag of chips.





Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:12 | 4922411 rtalcott
rtalcott's picture

cheap beef, nasty cheese, iceberg lettuce, white bread and chips...I'll pass...beer and tequlia is very nicely priced.

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:18 | 4922436 ENTP
ENTP's picture

Must eat crap, can't let Medicare spending drop.

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:22 | 4922458 rtalcott
rtalcott's picture

For the 4th...stay away from the beef


Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:12 | 4922412 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



Does anyone else see the irony of Independence Day celebrations given the current statist-tyranny state of the USA?

That rumbling you hear is James Madison rolling over in his grave...

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:16 | 4922431 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

What the hell is Independence Day? We celebratin' July the 4th dawg - beer, bbq, gettin' fucked up... datz what July the 4th is all about.

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:38 | 4922511 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

And da fire wuks!

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:52 | 4922554 El Vaquero
El Vaquero's picture

Most of those are banned where I am because it's been so dry, and even if they weren't banned, I wouldn't use them because it's so dry. 

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 18:18 | 4923041 yellowsub
yellowsub's picture

Independence Day was a movie about alien invasion.

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:13 | 4922416 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

I never wood have believed...

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:18 | 4922438 Tenshin Headache
Tenshin Headache's picture

Inflation in the real world. Too bad the Fed doesn't live there too.

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:26 | 4922469 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



Too bad we can't grill up some Fed.  I'd probably beg off a Yellen-burger, but a Ben-burger sounds delicious.

Now, back to my scotch...

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:20 | 4922451 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

I see this all around me.  Many are taking cattle to market.  Exponential equations are indeed a bitch.

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:25 | 4922462 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

Bessy goes to the slaughterhouse and NFLX gets to live to see another day. 

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:37 | 4922510 Gaius Frakkin' ...
Gaius Frakkin' Baltar's picture

Maybe NFLX can create some original content of a cattle herd and people eating burgers.

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:45 | 4922525 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

Brain wave....I am going to buy about 12 rabbits and a bottle of viagra....I figure I should be able to retire in about 6 months. 

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 17:42 | 4922935 813kml
813kml's picture

I hope the viagra isn't for you, that's not how jackalope are made.

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:43 | 4922528 813kml
813kml's picture

I have a line on a herd of free range bison roaming the aisles of the local Walmart for those wanting to get back to their Native American roots this 4th.  The huntin' ain't ever been simpler, all you gotta do is short out their scooters and zap 'em with a bolt gun.  Easy stuff, just gut 'em right there and call an associate over for cleanup.  

I recommend stringing up the carcasses near the freezer aisle and waiting a few days for proper marbling.

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:48 | 4922542 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

 proper marbling

Way to spike the ball! That was awesome. You made my day with that one. 

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:55 | 4922564 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Just gotta lure them over to the freezer aisle first, though. Otherwise, you'll beef hooked without that scooter.

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:21 | 4922453 papaswamp
papaswamp's picture

Cellulose burger with cheddarwood cheese...

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 18:21 | 4923045 yellowsub
yellowsub's picture

You forgot the applewood smoked bacon or human version of beggin strips.

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:24 | 4922460 Jayda1850
Jayda1850's picture

I just ate a juicy ass burger, but about half way through I realized that millions and probably billions of people have a meal like that once maybe twice a year? Everyday for everyone of us is a blessing, hopefully we can all hold off the impending whirlwind caused by TPTB for as many days as we can to get most enjoyment out of each day we have on earth. Happy 4th my fellow ZHer's.

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:31 | 4922489 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture


That's the spirit!

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 15:45 | 4922534 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Ass burgers for everyone!

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 17:42 | 4922932 robertocarlos
robertocarlos's picture

Lions taking down a large water-buffalo always go for the windpipe and the asshole. Nature is cruel.

Thu, 07/03/2014 - 17:37 | 4922914 Bear
Bear's picture

Of course, that's the famous Third of July burger and indeed you can only have once a year .. unless you have another one today. But, God bless your spirit

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