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Sunday (Un)Humor: Create Your Own Caliphate

Tyler Durden's picture


It's a good time to be in Iraq, if you're a crazed Muslim zealot bent on creating a caliphate, that is. As Mark Fiore explains in a format even the most iPad-addicted youf of today, Iraq is suddenly back on everyone's radar now that ISIS is taking over large chunks of that formerly-occupied nation. Here, in 120 seconds, is how they did it (and how you can too)... "now, sit back, relax, and enjoy a miserable theocratic existence..."


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Sun, 07/06/2014 - 14:40 | 4929372 takeaction
takeaction's picture

Caliphate is a weird word...sounds like the lotion.  Honestly...I had to look it up, I have never heard that word before.  

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 14:40 | 4929374 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture


Sun, 07/06/2014 - 14:57 | 4929411 Hugh G Rection
Hugh G Rection's picture

Zio funded Wahabi puppets balkanizing for their Ashkenazi banking masters.


Sun, 07/06/2014 - 15:02 | 4929423 john39
john39's picture

ISIS= U.S./Israeli proxy merc army, with a pile of useful idiots thrown in for good measure.   the rest is "noise"...

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 15:38 | 4929464 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture

Can GWB Spell Caliphate ?????

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 18:56 | 4929989 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

This is very entertainment! Please, where is guide for annex Crimea!?

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 21:33 | 4930363 Manthong
Manthong's picture

So the difference between “Obey” in ISIS land and “Obey” in the Federalized States of America is what?

Tue, 07/08/2014 - 18:02 | 4937103 omniversling
omniversling's picture

ISIS inc = Washington based military contractor a la Blackwater/Xe/Academi...coinkidinky...




Sun, 07/06/2014 - 14:43 | 4929381 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

"It puts the caliphate on it's skin or else it gets the hose again."

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 14:52 | 4929403 So Close
So Close's picture

That's ok.  They think the word, "selfie" is strange as well.

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 15:08 | 4929430 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Over there a 'selfie' is when a member of the Caliphate shoots himself in the foot.

<If you don't know how to do so just watch Obama.>

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 15:24 | 4929458 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

 Honestly...I had to look it up, I have never heard that word before.  

Pat Buchanan uses the word at least once per three editorials.

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 16:02 | 4929543 Bioscale
Bioscale's picture

Who the fuck is Pat Buchanan?

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 17:02 | 4929692 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

He is 150 year old political commentator who sounds like a douch-bag when he uses the word Caliphate.  

But compared to you he seems pretty smart.

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 17:10 | 4929711 Bioscale
Bioscale's picture

Man, I just don't fucking care about some commentator in your USA-land. I hope his opinion about FED and central banking is okay and not some statist bullshit.

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 18:53 | 4929980 BigJim
BigJim's picture

For a 'Republican' Pat Buchanan is pretty sound when it comes to foreign policy - everything I've read of his suggests he's a non-interventionist.

Don't know where he is on the monetary system... probably hasn't looked into it, like 99.99% of the rest of the population.

Tue, 07/08/2014 - 18:09 | 4937128 omniversling
omniversling's picture

Surprise yourself...

repost on Odod Yinon Plan:

Pat Buchanan is not someone I'd usually listen up to, but this article from 2003 made me sit up and reconsider his views. Very instructive, especially with hindsight now passing thru the prism of the 'surpRISE' of the ISIL/ISIS. PB names names and strategists:
Whose War?? A neoconservative clique seeks to ensnare our country in a series of wars that are not in America’s interest.?By PATRICK J. BUCHANAN • March 24, 2003
"Podhoretz credits Eliot Cohen with the phrase “World War IV.” Bush was shortly thereafter seen carrying about a gift copy of Cohen’s book that celebrates civilian mastery of the military in times of war, as exhibited by such leaders as Winston Churchill and David Ben Gurion.?A list of the Middle East regimes that Podhoretz, Bennett, Ledeen, Netanyahu, and the Wall Street Journal regard as targets for destruction thus includes Algeria, Libya, Egypt, Sudan, Lebanon, Syria, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Hezbollah, Hamas, the Palestinian Authority, and “militant Islam.”?Cui Bono? For whose benefit these endless wars in a region that holds nothing vital to America save oil, which the Arabs must sell us to survive? Who would benefit from a war of civilizations between the West and Islam??Answer: one nation, one leader, one party. Israel, Sharon, Likud."

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 16:23 | 4929594 atthelake
atthelake's picture

If you watch a lot of Hollywood movies, like Mummy, the Arab boss who helps the hero is, sometimes, a caliphe, but you have to listen, carefully.

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 16:23 | 4929595 atthelake
atthelake's picture

If you watch a lot of Hollywood movies, like Mummy, the Arab boss who helps the hero is, sometimes, a caliphe, but you have to listen, carefully.

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 14:42 | 4929376 Duffy
Duffy's picture

What you really need is Saudi money, and American and Israeli weapons and intel.

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 15:26 | 4929457 LeisureSmith
LeisureSmith's picture

You forgot the proxy war oldescool crew, the British. If you have the staying power to watch the whole thing (41 min) I did, and found it interesting. To be taken with some salt for sure, but still, not way off this old cat.

Interview with one of AQ's founding members.


Sun, 07/06/2014 - 15:34 | 4929481 Duffy
Duffy's picture

True.  The Auld Empire will always have its due.


Point being, ISIS has western intel backing all over it, and if you delve deep enough into the deep end of the net, the evidence looks better and better...

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 15:49 | 4929518 LeisureSmith
LeisureSmith's picture

True statement.

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 14:42 | 4929377 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture




Word association....

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 15:01 | 4929421 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Caliphate: An Arabic word meaning synthetic construct, not unlike Bolshevism, used to ostensibly represent local nationalistic uprisings but uncannily (like in its historical Russian predecessor form) only appearing to manifest in autonomous oil-rich areas where the ultimate goal is to produce resource scarcity (i.e petroleum/currency/inflation price support) courtesy of theatrical atavistic vandals and their petro-central-bank sponsors.

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 14:42 | 4929379 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Somewhere in here is an implied "the US must do something about this."

Did somebody say "Saudi Arabia"?  

Huh.  Coulda sworn I just heard somebody say that.  Must be my imagination.


Sun, 07/06/2014 - 23:54 | 4930716 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

In fact, the US MUST do something about this.  The US must stop manipulating and using proxies and other vile practices. 

Giving aid to a just cause is one thing.  Fomenting uncivil war in order to weaken a rival is unAmerican by definition.

That was American Exceptionalism - holding ourselves to a higher standard and doing the right thing, however infrequent that might be.

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 14:46 | 4929382 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

1)  Get the idiot white feminist/progressive American women to vote to cut their own throat.

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 14:59 | 4929416 Emergency Ward
Emergency Ward's picture

"Wha'?...no, Obama won the Peace Medal, there are no wars going on -- I don't see any wars."

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 15:04 | 4929425 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Barry Obongodinga will be remembered as the enabler of radical islam.  HOPE you like the CHANGE, peasants!

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 14:48 | 4929392 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

Iraq is "back on the radar" because that's where those who own media want it.

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 14:49 | 4929393 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

But works only if you have the plan in a 'Hello Kitty' notebook.

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 16:17 | 4929578 what's that smell
what&#039;s that smell's picture

>>It's a good time to be in Iraq, if you're a crazed Muslim zealot bent on creating a caliphate, that is.


It's a good time to be in Iraq if you're a crazed American Imperialist bent on destroying a nation again, that is.



Sun, 07/06/2014 - 15:02 | 4929415 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

we had our shah of iraq moment now we get the fifty year ayatollah of rock and rollah. a word to the wise, take a look at how hosni and saddam (et al) were treated in the end before you kiss the usa pinky ring bitchez.

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 15:18 | 4929446 JimmyRainbow
JimmyRainbow's picture

if you want your caliphate you can have your caliphat

just for the meme

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 22:12 | 4930472 Aussiekiwi
Aussiekiwi's picture

That just never gets old, lol, and ' you didn't build that Caliphate by yourself'

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 15:28 | 4929453 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

It's funny how we were indirectly taught foreign policy as innocent kids, unknowingly.

Neverland : http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DJNUk-O2RlY

Knock out m. (If not on mobile phone) 



Sun, 07/06/2014 - 15:29 | 4929470 OC Sure
OC Sure's picture

Amazing that while Europe was in its first dark ages that Baghdad was a thriving business center and that the Persian mathematician, al-Khawarizmi, invented al-jabr, algebra. His name mutated into algorism, etc. ...Its been a long time since you rock and roll, Baghdad.


Sun, 07/06/2014 - 15:36 | 4929489 Duffy
Duffy's picture

Well a hundred years ago they were chopping each other's heads off in the desert and wiping their asses with their hands and that's what they'll be doing in another 100 years.

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 16:03 | 4929541 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

Well, a hundred years ago in Europe they were killing 15 million dupes and wounding 20 million more.

And they learned NOTHING from that - except that they could get away with it.

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 22:11 | 4930465 Aussiekiwi
Aussiekiwi's picture

touche, we have a winner

Mon, 07/07/2014 - 12:58 | 4931961 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture


I get tired of the ingroup outgroup propaganda.

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 16:09 | 4929557 Boondocker
Boondocker's picture

What makes you think anything has changed?

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 17:47 | 4929801 Dugald
Dugald's picture


How insteresting, so just how to do you wipe your arse, or do you have a very long tongue...

Just asking...

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 20:35 | 4930222 Totentänzerlied
Totentänzerlied's picture


The world's collective memory-span is about 5 minutes.

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 22:15 | 4930477 OC Sure
OC Sure's picture

Good find. Looks interesting. I like that the first chapter starts with Åristotle. Åristotle's logic travels from Greece to Iraq and,Presto!, the golden age of arabic science. Then the big Å travels to Paris and Padua and, Presto!, the Renaissance. ...Too bad modern economics doesn't know about Åristotle's definition of money. :-/

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 15:46 | 4929509 kurt
kurt's picture

Not cute

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 16:33 | 4929614 Goldilocks
Goldilocks's picture

Minions Mooo kkkkkk'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyfbBJzJQNw (0:45)

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 16:34 | 4929618 Radical Marijuana
Radical Marijuana's picture

That narrator's voice was disturbingly appropriate. The "fine print" warnings at the end were the most important points, but went past too fast to catch, as intended.

My basic view has become that the events on 9/11/2002 were inside job, false flag attacks, which were capitalized upon in order to cause what has actually happened since. I believe that there is a criminally insane plan at work, to deliberately make things get bad enough to be able to justify the use of weapons of mass destruction, in order to kill hundreds of millions of people living in various Islam dominated countries. The consequences which may go out of control, and then kill billions more, are a risk that the people who actually did 9/11 are willing and able to take. Therefore, the rapid warnings at the end of this terribly true video should have included those final consequences: "Create your own crazy Caliphate, in order to set yourself up to later be annihilated."

Sun, 07/06/2014 - 21:31 | 4930322 Andre
Andre's picture

They may be able to take the risk, but not survive it.

A lot of people talk about cave men being stupid. I'll say this, even the old tribal chieftains were smart enough to realize what could kill his people could kill him too. 18th century aristocrats, OTOH, had the same problems as today's crew - "consequences are for peasants."


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