This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.

Amazing Gartman Does It Again: "We Are Going Back To Being “Pleasantly” Long "

Tyler Durden's picture


It has become clear that no price is too small to subsribe to Gartman's newsletter just to always, always, do the opposite of what is recommended.

From his July 10th letter to "clients"



following the release yesterday afternoon of the latest minutes from the FOMC which make it very clear that the Fed’s propensity to tighten monetary policy in the near future is near zero. We may have thought that the market was over-bought and due for a correction, but we are going back to being “pleasantly” long rather than market neutral for the Fed’s wind is at our back.


We are not quite as openly long of the market as we have been at times, but certainly we are considering being so given that we believe the Fed’s comments and we believe the Yellen Fed’s current philosophy.

In other news, sorry Tom Stolper: when it comes to reco fades you have now been officially eclipsed.

The new and undisputed all time champ:


- advertisements -

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:09 | 4942819 PlusTic
PlusTic's picture

One word...WOW!

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:18 | 4942867 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

One word:  MOOK!

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:33 | 4942940 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

This guy should be 'pleasantly' beheaded in front of the peasantry he's fucked, live on CNBShit.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:39 | 4942964 saveUSsavers
saveUSsavers's picture

I'd PAY to see that ! Throw in Kernen, and double the price !

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:52 | 4943009 jbvtme
Thu, 07/10/2014 - 10:17 | 4943103 kliguy38
kliguy38's picture

Garman ... "Muppet Master" piece of dog shit

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 10:24 | 4943128 yogibear
yogibear's picture

Pay-per-view would make millions. Include Bernanke, Greenspan and many involved in the Federal Reserve in their fraudulent/treasonous behavior.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:54 | 4943018 DirkDiggler11
DirkDiggler11's picture

Hell No, save Dennis Fartman !

The hell with the Death Crosses, Hindenburg Omens, Tarrot Cards, chicken bones and finally technical analysis, Fartman is freaking money !!!

Trade the opposite of his every call and you can't lose !

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 11:46 | 4943525 JJdog
JJdog's picture

Trade this clueless clown in for an illegal mexican kid  at the border please.  I bet  you any more the Mexican kid knows more about finance than this clown. 

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:19 | 4942872 linniepar
linniepar's picture

Pure propaganda,  nothing more.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:20 | 4942881 blabam
blabam's picture

The master.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:35 | 4942947 Gringo Viejo
Gringo Viejo's picture

Assclown extrodinaire.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:37 | 4942958 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Ok you made me do it. A "Blast" from the past:


Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:40 | 4942971 saveUSsavers
saveUSsavers's picture

He makes the Arsewhole shortlist

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:35 | 4942949 dressguard
dressguard's picture

One word: Asswipe!!!

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:37 | 4942955 RockRiver
RockRiver's picture

This guy has to be doing the opposite of what he says....

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 10:45 | 4943205 Banker Buster
Banker Buster's picture

Gartman, enjoy being a brainless Fed whore, worthless fuk.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 10:48 | 4943222 rubiconsolutions
rubiconsolutions's picture

The Fed's wind is at your back? 

That's akin to having your rapist breathe down your neck while he goes about his business of anally raping you. 

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 13:18 | 4944028 Jumbotron
Jumbotron's picture


Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:10 | 4942821 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

What an idiot. The moment he panics out again is the time to BTFD.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:11 | 4942823 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

given that we believe the Fed’s comments...

what a maroon

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:12 | 4942828 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

.     .


Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:12 | 4942831 gdiamond22
gdiamond22's picture

Greatest contrarian indicator of ALL TIME

Such a tool

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:12 | 4942832 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Tyler would u put DB stock on death watch already. i heard a rumor they are being taken off the NYSE and being added to the GDX

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:17 | 4942859 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I find it curios that  he doesn't. We get articles on stock like CYNK yet nothing on the price collapse of DB.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:28 | 4942924 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

If Europe implodes Germany itself is in big trouble. These are all "interconnected" relationships and now that the idea of the EU has collapsed now comes the part where it in fact does.

Again I think there are names worth looking at here to buy...the folks who have blindly screaming at Joe Investor to buy have been absolutely obliterated by CNBC et al.

Having said that the energy boom remains intact inside the USA and indeed is expanding. There is a massive problem of law and order right now...and absolutely no one it seems who really cares about the massive violence that is now spiraling out of control inside the USA and inside Chicago in particular.

I think you're gonna get an annihilation politically come November as Sarah Palin and MSNBC all jump on the "STOP THE MADNESS!" bandwagon.

"A parting on the now a parting on the left."

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:36 | 4942954 Squid-puppets a...
Squid-puppets a-go-go's picture

i know man - last weekend chicago 85 firearm casualties - only 16 from police. And america yawns.

you dont even read that shit coming outta Iraq. Well, until last month that was

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 11:05 | 4943306 Jani
Jani's picture

Our old Canadian friend EKM predicted DB imploding "in a few months" at the beginning of the year -- Since he dissapeared / banished I miss him. I hope some of you guys that are smarter than me are making some money on the drop.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:12 | 4942833 GrinandBearit
GrinandBearit's picture

Blithering IDIOT.  Fantastic contrary indicator.  How is this guy still in business?

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:22 | 4942875 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Never underestimate the stupidity of the American public, or as P.T. Barnum, or David Hannum put it: "there's a sucker born every minute".

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:27 | 4942917 gmak
gmak's picture

Look at what he does, not what he says.  What exactly does it mean "we are going back to being pleasantly long"? Is he lying? Who announces what they are going to do where algos can then front run you at will?


Not a fan, but what he says is just more noise. Need more signal.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:38 | 4942959 Squid-puppets a...
Squid-puppets a-go-go's picture

he means that he has a pleasantly long C--- up his arse

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:12 | 4942835 RiskyBidness
RiskyBidness's picture

He and Obama should hang out!!  Everytime they open their mouths.....the opposite happens.  Fuck off Gartman!!

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:14 | 4942840 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Just confirming the top is in again Dennis?  Thanks.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:15 | 4942841 moonstears
moonstears's picture

I shoulda been in the financial newsletter business, like a weather man, you can be wrong and still get paid!

edit. weatherman or politician

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:13 | 4942843 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

400 a month for priceless advice, where do I sign up?

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:40 | 4942972 dognamedabu
dognamedabu's picture

Inquire here

and you'll soon be a believer just like Nigel Saperia of Glencore Commodities Ltd

"Simply the easiest way to get a snapshot view of what is happening in the world markets, and as a bonus, you make money if you follow the trading recommendations."




Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:14 | 4942844 HamRove
HamRove's picture

That wind at his back is the FED blowing a massive fart. 

Doesn't pass the smell test. 

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:14 | 4942845 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

hey gartman, a short primer on fedspeak:

contained = not contained
stability = they want volatility
resilience = there is no market, there is only the fed
etc. etc.

no charge bozo


Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:15 | 4942848 TheBoyPlunger
TheBoyPlunger's picture

He killed the AAPL rally when he pumped it on Monday afternoon's Fast Money episode.  When the "King of Commodities" starts schilling tech stocks you know the fun is about to begin.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:39 | 4942967 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Apple?  I haven't heard the blather idiot talking heads pontificating on Apple saving the economy with their new phone/craplet/watch in about...

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:15 | 4942849 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

fuck off and die gartman

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:17 | 4942854 Kreditanstalt
Kreditanstalt's picture

Yes, yes...I KNOW he's a "trader".  But his clients may not be and next time his stuff goes zero-bid in an abbreviated market plunge they won't be happy, either...

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:17 | 4942858 Homunculus
Homunculus's picture

Who is crazy enough to subscribe to a newsletter from a guy who believes in the FED's comments?

I think he is the guy moving up the CYNK stock!

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:17 | 4942860 jcaz
jcaz's picture

The dude is MONEY!   Thanks Denny!

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:18 | 4942865 Spungo
Spungo's picture

He's undressing me with his eyes, but I'm not sure which eye.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:19 | 4942868 Zeptemberalevin
Zeptemberalevin's picture

dumb fuck

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:18 | 4942870 Notsobadwlad
Notsobadwlad's picture

It has woked for the past 20 years with only two brief interruptions. Why not?!

To create phantom wealth for the crony elitists and ensure retirement accounts have the money (if not the value) expected one does not need a printing press. All one needs is an inflatable asset or pseudo asset (stocks) and a buyer of last resort (the Fed). It is a very simple system... and the elitist cronies blindly and eagerly surrender their power and free will to those who multiply their fiats. Life is simple, no?

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:22 | 4942886 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Correct, at least until the supply lines for essential commodities breaks...

then life gets really "simple" for the vast majority.

same as it ever was.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 10:21 | 4943123 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

We mock him. Hmmm, even a broken clock is right twice a day. 

Gartman is a side show comedy act. Just roll with the humor. 

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:19 | 4942873 swmnguy
swmnguy's picture

Has this guy ever been right about anything in the past 5 years? I'm not being snotty; I only know about him through ZH.  Seriously, with the things he's said why does anyone listen to him at all?

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:20 | 4942882 Keltner Channel Surf
Keltner Channel Surf's picture

Naw, doesn't really trade, $ comes purely from newslettter subscr's and CNBC appearance fees.  Just a sideline gum-chewing waterboy.

For him personally, "pleasantly long" means 50 shs of AAPL -- in his wife's IRA.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:21 | 4942888 TabakLover
TabakLover's picture

Gartman......... a clock with no hands.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:23 | 4942894 intric8
intric8's picture

a "yellen fed philosophy"? How is that different from any past fed philosophy?

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:24 | 4942897 paint it red ca...
paint it red call it hell's picture

Top's IN

Short the farm...............

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:30 | 4942930 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

Nailed it Dennis!  Way to go, how do you do it man?  Please tell me it's time to get short gold.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:33 | 4942942 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Knowing him he shorted gold last week.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:31 | 4942934 Rodders75
Rodders75's picture

Love it love it love it

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:39 | 4942963 Eyeroller
Eyeroller's picture

Holy bat shit!

Na-na Na-na Na-na Na-na FARTMAN!!

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:42 | 4942981 MATA HAIRY
MATA HAIRY's picture

speaking of wind being released, both the Fed and Gartman are good at doing that a lot...

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 09:46 | 4943000 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Since Dick Bove disappeared in a cloud of stink this guy seems to have taken his place.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 10:02 | 4943042 Itchy and Scratchy
Itchy and Scratchy's picture

Been there done that!

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 10:03 | 4943047 Itchy and Scratchy
Itchy and Scratchy's picture

I think the wind is up his butt!

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 10:05 | 4943053 Magooo
Magooo's picture

How does one say in Latin 'I am wrong therefore I exist'

Let Denis know so he can put it on his coat of arms

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 10:06 | 4943059 Lanka
Lanka's picture

Ah, pleasantly long in ...... dong terms.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 11:07 | 4943301 NoPantsSpongeBob
NoPantsSpongeBob's picture

"Pleasantly Long" goes well with his pedo face. Ugh

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 10:08 | 4943065 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Give Gartman a few hours, he'll change his position,  like the direction of the wind.

PS: go see a dentist, your teeth are yellow from fluffing and semen intake.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 10:14 | 4943086 Itchy and Scratchy
Itchy and Scratchy's picture

An odd lot! Global Soverign Central Banks are LONG US$29 TRILLION in equities on behalf of all of us!

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 10:30 | 4943156 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Shhh. Be quiet or the IRS, NSA will be after you. All kidding aside, good job. You figured it out. 

+1000 green arrows 

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 10:26 | 4943142 yogibear
yogibear's picture

People pay him to lose money. Target those people for the worthless IPOs.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 10:39 | 4943175 enforcer92677
enforcer92677's picture

Geez ... seems like folks are daring the market to crash.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 10:45 | 4943199 GFORCE
GFORCE's picture

This is why the market sold off. Dennis went Tepper...

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 10:48 | 4943221 eishund
eishund's picture

Soon, he will be pleasantly shocked.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 10:55 | 4943263 starman
starman's picture

Fucking retard! 

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 11:03 | 4943302 ThisIsBob
ThisIsBob's picture

In fairness to Gartman, a technical "buy" printed yesterday at 1969.  It will be good.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 11:55 | 4943566 Itchy and Scratchy
Itchy and Scratchy's picture

Dennis do yourself a major favor and stop trying to figure out where the casino is going. They know don't! Stick to short term momentum trade if u can!

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 12:00 | 4943580 Ghostdog
Ghostdog's picture

At one time this guy used understand what was going on but his timing was always for shit. Now he doesnt understand what is going on and his timing is the same. Put a fork in him

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 13:34 | 4944090 teslaberry
teslaberry's picture

up until now, gartman has been CORRECT. 


buy buy buy. he was RIGHT!!!!!. if you listened to gartman and just bought anything and verything mindlessly, you would have done very well!

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 23:42 | 4946213 Magooo
Magooo's picture

No he hasn't  See his record on gold and everything else.


He has impecable timing - that is he always recommends buying when you should be selling - and he always recommends selling when you should be buying.


We need more people like Denis - because at the other end of every trade there needs to be a buyer or a seller.


And he is a natural born sucker.  


Sign up for his newsletter - he will lead you to the slaughter.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 15:41 | 4944651 Bernoulli
Bernoulli's picture


Gartman just blabla-ing about how great Alcoa has been.

"you might even make me interested in gold in dollar terms".

What kind of shit is this guy smoking???????

"I could be wrong, I've been wrong many times before"

Oh yeah? Really??

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 22:51 | 4946115 Magooo
Magooo's picture

Denis must be having a hissy fit reading this. Yooo Hooo. Denis.  What's the difference between you and a donkey?


Answer: a donkey has 4 legs - you have 2.  Otherwise, nothing

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 00:55 | 4946348 Magooo
Magooo's picture

Hey Denis -- which is harder -- gettting it Right 100% of the time -- or getting it Wrong 100% of the time?


Fri, 07/11/2014 - 01:31 | 4946378 Magooo
Magooo's picture

And how long did you have to think about that before you realized the answer.  


I hear when Dennis was a kid they used to call him Thick as a Brick Denis.  Not to worry Denis, you can always get into politics when when your subscribers all go away

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 03:55 | 4946478 PiratePiggy
PiratePiggy's picture

"It's always great to be Sean, Mel."

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!