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Thursday Humor: The New US Tax Return

Tyler Durden's picture


The recent IRS scandal is sure to go down as one of the most ridiculous of scandals in U.S. history. As Andrea Combs scoffs (rightly), the more that is uncovered, the more unbelievable the story becomes. So, in the interests of "fairness" - a topic this administration holds at its core - we present the new tax return, with addenda...



h/t @BuzzPo


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Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:39 | 4944852 Deathrips
Deathrips's picture

They will use force to squeeze your "voluntary contribution" out of you....bastards.



Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:46 | 4944882 lordylord
lordylord's picture

Keep what you earn.  Pay for what you use.  Why is this such a hard concept for people?   

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:04 | 4944947 Liberal
Liberal's picture

Please pay your taxes, people.  My pension depends on it!  I mean, paying taxes is patriotic!


Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:11 | 4944966 pods
pods's picture

Just think about it, it took the government ordering 65,000 Guatemalan kids off Alibaba and asking CONgress for 3.8 billion bucks to get this hard drive crash story off the radar.



Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:24 | 4944992 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

I'm paid 1099-style.  The thought of just saying "I'm not gonna pay" crosses my mind too often.

Last year I whiffed on paying the quarterly estimated payments.  Had better uses for the money at the time (buying FB and AMZN).  Let me tell you how comfortably you can live when you bring home your WHOLE paycheck instead of 60% of it.  You pay the price come next April, though.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:29 | 4945001 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



The NSA will be more than happy to provide your information to the IRS.  The NSA will not provide the IRS's information to you, or your congressional representatives.


Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:30 | 4945007 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Unnecessary.  The IRS knows right where to find me.  Same cell phone number for 24 years, same address for 17 years.  It's the house with the big American flag out front and the "trespassers will be shot" sign.  

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:33 | 4945014 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

I actually used the "my hard drive crashed" excuse a couple times when I filed for extensions before I realized the IRS is a scam and stopped filing altogether back in 2008.  I think Lois just copped my game.

I am Chumbawamba.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 18:07 | 4945131 Gaius Frakkin' ...
Gaius Frakkin' Baltar's picture

If people won't even stop paying taxes, there isn't much hope for anything bigger.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 18:51 | 4945329 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

But we don't want to risk losing what we have. That's how they keep our nuts in the vise. The question far do we go before we put ANYTHING at risk? Do we wait until we are absolutely sure we have nothing left to lose?

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 23:13 | 4946145 NidStyles
NidStyles's picture

The funny thing is that realistically, you don't have anything. Under this system you have what they have only neglected to confiscate. You do not truly own anything though.

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 00:53 | 4946342 flacon
flacon's picture

One day they will charge you to work, as in 50% fed tax (of the gross income), 50% State tax (of the gross income) and 50% local tax (of the gross), plus 50% sales tax. We'll be worth more dead than alive. 

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 03:12 | 4946453 Four chan
Four chan's picture

if the endless spending by the government and all the wars

and other black budget shit doesnt prove the fact taxes are

obsolete to you, you are an idiot that deserves to be taxed.

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 06:15 | 4946525 effendi
effendi's picture

IIRC at one stage in Britain the top tax rate was an effective 104% tax. That sort of shit is why Britain isn't Great anymore and why the States won't be United.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 20:24 | 4945686 TheEndIsNear
TheEndIsNear's picture

Federal Prisons are generally pretty big.

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 00:48 | 4946338 flacon
flacon's picture

The Federation States of America is pretty big, yes. 

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 23:15 | 4946143 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

Comment deleted after a scary phone call from the NSA

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 01:35 | 4946383 Luckhasit
Luckhasit's picture

Don't forget to add that "survivors will be shot again".

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 18:10 | 4945136 Mox E
Mox E's picture

Where I live, as a 1099, >50% of my paycheck goes to the thieves. One year, I needed the extra scratch to pay for some medical bills (health insurance pays dick when it comes to hospital stays). I couldn't pay taxes for one year. They know instantly. The penalty for not being able to pay was $25K. I have to pay the penalty and the interest on the penalty in order for them to forgive it and then they keep the interest after they forgive the penalty. Because tax rates are so fucking high, I can never make this up unless I magically increase my earning somehow as a 50% tax rate per year (2 years) = 100% the next year. With penalties, it's far greater than 100% of my income. 'Murica is done hung itself on its own igornance.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 18:33 | 4945238 lordylord
lordylord's picture


By the sound of it, you probably would be better off quitting your job and getting on the government dole.  Funny thing is, that's probably their plan.  How dare you try to be independent and earn your own living. 

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 18:54 | 4945337 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

That's the game. Never lose your footing and fall or you may never be able to get back up again. And they make it so easy to stay down too. No guilt, no pressure. Once you have kissed the ring...admitted that they own your ass, they can be very generous...but not until then.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 18:54 | 4945341 boattrash
boattrash's picture

NoDebt + 1000! Damn Straight. If America's mojority did not have taxes automatically held out, and rather, had to pay all at once, this country would see a Blood-bath on April 15th

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 07:00 | 4946553 Pig Circus
Pig Circus's picture

"I'm paid 1099-style.  The thought of just saying "I'm not gonna pay" crosses my mind too often."

Turbo Timmy, is that you?

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:48 | 4944899 Silver Bug
Silver Bug's picture

lol wow, sad but true.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 23:16 | 4946151 nobodyimportant
nobodyimportant's picture

Maybe - if you read the tax code you would find you owe no taxes.


See for more information

Domestic earned income not taxable -- foreign earned income taxable.  Section 26 - 86 - 1 thru 8T tells you about taxable income, exempt income, etc.

However if you choose to volunteer your income is taxable the government will accept your contribution.






Thu, 07/10/2014 - 23:32 | 4946190 in4mayshun
in4mayshun's picture

And yet you'll still go to jail for tax evasion.

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 02:34 | 4946436 drendebe10
drendebe10's picture

Gummint (incl all bueaucrats): ctrl-alt-del

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:40 | 4944860 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

Pay as I say, not as I do.

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 07:13 | 4946563 The Navigator
The Navigator's picture


Tim Gheitner, Charlie Wrangel, et al, and most of pols. YOU pay, I don't

Where is that article from last week about IRS employee's being paid bonuses so they could pay their back taxes?


Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:41 | 4944861 dbTX
dbTX's picture

This brings new meaning to 4/15.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:03 | 4944944 toady
toady's picture

Isn't that supposed to be 4/20?

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:41 | 4944864 world_debt_slave
world_debt_slave's picture

uh, yeah, see how far that gets us, only the corrupt politicos, bankers, beaurocrats, dictators, etc etc have that card.

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 06:18 | 4946529 pazmaker
pazmaker's picture

You are right. I've been arrested and put in handcuffs at my home and taken away in front of my family and neighbors for failure to file income tax!!! The thing is it wasn't for the Feds but for the state income tax.

Not fun at all

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:43 | 4944871 cpzimmon
cpzimmon's picture


Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:43 | 4944872 cpzimmon
cpzimmon's picture


Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:44 | 4944876 Tasty Sandwich
Tasty Sandwich's picture

Irwin Schiff

Among the arguments raised over the years by Schiff are:

  1. that no statutory deficiency in Federal income tax can exist until an assessment has been made;
  2. that no tax assessment can be made unless a tax return has been voluntarily filed;
  3. that the Internal Revenue Service, in enforcing the income tax, seeks to impose a tax not authorized by the taxing clauses of the United States Constitution;
  4. that the United States Tax Court has no jurisdiction over Schiff; and
  5. that the United States Tax Court is not a court.
Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:47 | 4944888 moonman
moonman's picture

Schiff should not pay his taxes and claim one of these reasons, it will not work out well for him

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:49 | 4944900 ILLILLILLI
ILLILLILLI's picture

You're new here, eh?

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:56 | 4944928 knukles
knukles's picture

No... and he's sane, too

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:06 | 4944950 Tasty Sandwich
Tasty Sandwich's picture

Sanity is overrated.

I'm not crazy.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 23:34 | 4946193 Dubious Intentions
Dubious Intentions's picture

I work for a company that manfactures straight is booming.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:10 | 4944961 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

Yeah, but for how long?

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 18:10 | 4945141 max2205
max2205's picture

Ask P Diddy or Willy Nelson....or Al Capone

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 18:31 | 4945229 Crawdaddy
Crawdaddy's picture

Larken Rose explained why he hardly ever talks about his tax jail staycation - because hardly anyone cares. Pisses me off but the fact is most humans are brainwashed cows.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 22:49 | 4946107 Borrow Owl
Borrow Owl's picture

No shit.

We (those who, for whatever reason, still possess enough wit to think for ourselves) are, unfortunately, grossly outnumbered by those

who can just barely muster up enough intelligence to tie their own fucking shoes in the morning.

Sad.. but true.


Fri, 07/11/2014 - 10:23 | 4946955 Nimby
Nimby's picture

It has ALWAYS been that way.  The American Founders made a point of limiting the electorate to those that were vested in society.  The progressives have done their damnedest to undo that, and look at where we are now.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:56 | 4944926 Tasty Sandwich
Tasty Sandwich's picture

Schiff is serving a 13-plus year sentence for tax crimes with his location listed as the Federal Correctional Institution at Fort Worth, Texas. His projected release date has been changed from October 7, 2016 to July 26, 2017.

(Yeah, it's Wikipedia, but it's easy.)

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:07 | 4944956 Ribeye
Ribeye's picture

when i first heard the in depth story of what was done to Irwin Schiff I simply could not believe it, and only did believe it because it was Peter recounting the story, one of the most anger inducing stories I'v ever heard

From that day forward I carry a deep hatred of the IRS, akin to the red hate that I carry for the RCC and all the scum who wear its various uniforms, 

And i'm not even an American,  

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:28 | 4945000 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

Yeah, when I first heard the story about Schiff I was not too intrigued until I heard that the DC US and court BANNED his book. That got my attention.

They arrested, persecuted and incarcerated him because, as they said, he was wrong, yet they still felt compelled to suppress his views. When they do that to a person and his ideas, you know that that person is on to something.

Also of note regarding the DC US' criminality are the several videos of people, some well know, going around asking IRS pols and crats to, "Show me the law." I was incredulous when I first heard of it, as I figured it would be people acting like ass-clowns, etc. and so preventing any cooperation from the pols and crats being interviewed. Nope, these were straight forward people asking one straight  foreword question: "Show me the law." The pols and crats, all of them, in all the videos, refused to answer or show them the law--ALL of them in ALL of the videos that I have seen.

Pretty eye opening.


The most powerful weapon the American people have to use against the DC US tyrants is Rejection.

The system of fraud and theft that has been built up upon the backs of the American people is dependent upon our backs. Withdrew our backs, and the whole thing collapses. This is our greatest weapon.

Quit Paying--put it into food, steel and lead, and precious metals, etc. They stole what ever "debt money" they loaned you in the first place via fraudulent-reserve banking and soon you won't be able to pay them anyways, so just stop now.

Quit Obeying--If they are in violation of the Constitution then they are criminals and not legitimate.

Quit Playing--Quit being a tool for them to use.

The Four Rs
Rejection: Quit paying, quit obeying, quit playing
Revolution: It is inevitable, so prepare, as they are.
Retribution: The guilty must answer for their crimes against the American people and the Constitution.
Restoration: Restore the American people, country and Constitutional republic.






Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:49 | 4945063 _disengage_
_disengage_'s picture

1. If money is power, why do we so freely part with it?

2. Disengage the thieves' economy on all non-essential functions.

3. Deploy your capital today on solutions for tomorrow that require no dollar inputs.

4. Spend time with loved ones/pursue goals.

I don't understand why people get so enraged at the IRS when the reality is that consumer spending is what keeps the veil propped up. Yes, the IRS is shit and you could fight them, but you will likely end up in jail. A general boycott can't be countered and will have the same effect.

Remember SOPA and GoDaddy? Money talks; bullshit walks. A general boycott (keep paying for needs: rent, food, etc) from even a few % of people would force the thieves' hand.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 23:18 | 4946156 acetinker
acetinker's picture

1.  Money is power, but fiat currency ain't money- it's an obligation, a promise to pay that no matter how well intentioned, cannot be kept due to the very nature of usury.

2. The whole fkn economy belongs to the theives who claim that currency is money.  It's not.

3. Do you live in a cave?

4. Now there's a happy thought!  How long has it been since you sucked Jamie's dick?  He has cancer, y'know.  Some believe it's contagious.

Maybe you're just naive.  Maybe you practice what you preach, but you kinda fizzled out there with your segue to SOPA- and3 what the fuck does GoDaddy have to do with this?  I assume that if gov't has the ability to fuck me, it already has.  The revelations about spying leave me cold- I already knew that.  Fuck 'em.  Let 'em snoop.  They can suck my dick.

You know Boetie?  I'll leave ya' with a quote.  Read the whole fkn thing.  This dude only lived 33 years and he gained more wisdom in that span than most of us do in a lifetime.


  • Poor, wretched, and stupid peoples, nations determined on your own misfortune and blind to your own good! You let yourselves be deprived before your own eyes of the best part of your revenues; your fields are plundered, your homes robbed, your family heirlooms taken away. You live in such a way that you cannot claim a single thing as your own; and it would seem that you consider yourselves lucky to be loaned your property, your families, and your very lives. All this havoc, this misfortune, this ruin, descends upon you not from alien foes, but from the one enemy whom you yourselves render as powerful as he is, for whom you go bravely to war, for whose greatness you do not refuse to offer your own bodies unto death. He who thus domineers over you has only two eyes, only two hands, only one body, no more than is possessed by the least man among the infinite numbers dwelling in your cities; he has indeed nothing more than the power that you confer upon him to destroy you. Where has he acquired enough eyes to spy upon you, if you do not provide them yourselves? How can he have so many arms to beat you with, if he does not borrow them from you? The feet that trample down your cities, where does he get them if they are not your own? How does he have any power over you except through you? How would he dare assail you if he had no cooperation from you? What could he do to you if you yourselves did not connive with the thief who plunders you, if you were not accomplices of the murderer who kills you, if you were not traitors to yourselves? You sow your crops in order that he may ravage them, you install and furnish your homes to give him goods to pillage; you rear your daughters that he may gratify his lust; you bring up your children in order that he may confer upon them the greatest privilege he knows — to be led into his battles, to be delivered to butchery, to be made the servants of his greed and the instruments of his vengeance; you yield your bodies unto hard labor in order that he may indulge in his delights and wallow in his filthy pleasures; you weaken yourselves in order to make him the stronger and the mightier to hold you in check. From all these indignities, such as the very beasts of the field would not endure, you can deliver yourselves if you try, not by taking action, but merely by willing to be free. Resolve to serve no more, and you are at once freed. I do not ask that you place hands upon the tyrant to topple him over, but simply that you support him no longer; then you will behold him, like a great Colossus whose pedestal has been pulled away, fall of his own weight and break in pieces.


Thu, 07/10/2014 - 23:40 | 4946209 in4mayshun
in4mayshun's picture

Eventually, all power comes down to the end of a gun. As long as there are willing military who will obey treasonous commanders, not paying taxes or any other civil disobedience is pointless. If everyone stopped paying taxes, they would declare martial law and just take the resources they want and blame it all on the people for failing to pay taxes. Real power always has and always will be, physical force.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 23:54 | 4946232 acetinker
acetinker's picture

Agreed.  So at the end of it all, we all must be willing to die in order to live free.  This is the secret the banksters know- but the people do not.  Same as it ever was, and thanks for the reply.

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 00:48 | 4946337 _disengage_
_disengage_'s picture

GoDaddy was boycotted for supporting SOPA. They were shitting themselves so many people left. They changed their tune to not supporting SOPA. This was a lie most likely, but it proved that money talks and bullshit walks.

I really like your advice better than mine. Sure it is basically the same thing "don't play with the assholes" but yours is much more vague and inactionable. "Be willing to die". Well shit, that is all I gotta do, be WILLING? I don't even have to DO anything at all.... Keep spending and complaining about those assholes that YOU KEEP GIVING YOUR (fake) MONEY/POWER TO.

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 20:46 | 4948909 acetinker
acetinker's picture

No, sir.  I am self-employed.  I won't do gubmint work.

They call and leave me messages all the time telling me I can have a no-bid contract.  I say no.  Fuck you!

Maybe one day when you enter the real world you will understand the real world.  Choices are hard.  You will find that this is true.

Right now, you are a weed laying in a field of perfect wheat.  A parasite.  That is all.

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 00:55 | 4946349 Demonoid
Demonoid's picture

Boetie was Montaigne's best friend. That tells you volumes.

Thank you for the quotation.



Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:13 | 4947234 cchoo
cchoo's picture


Fri, 07/11/2014 - 08:39 | 4946692 Eugend66
Eugend66's picture

You all then may like this:

This is a copy of a book written by Irwin Schiff.

Mr. Schiff has freely released his coprighted materials on the web as part of Irwin Schiff's Great Giveaway. His index of scans for "How an Economy Grows and Why It Doesn't" are posted here. The pages displayed and linked below are Schiff's scans with sequentially clickable links added, making the book easier to read online.

The illustrator, Vic Lockman ("Cartoonist for hire!"), has a web page here.

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 09:29 | 4946805 BigJim
BigJim's picture

It's a great book.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:56 | 4944927 Ribeye
Ribeye's picture

he did, it didn't, 


Thu, 07/10/2014 - 18:20 | 4945170 world_debt_slave
world_debt_slave's picture

Doing time for the man.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:08 | 4944955 Malachi Constant
Malachi Constant's picture

He has lost several civil cases against the federal government

Isn't any judge in conflict of interests in such cases?

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 18:53 | 4945334 messystateofaffairs
messystateofaffairs's picture

Right and wrong, good and bad, have nothing to do with law. Crooks write immoral laws and use the legal system to screw you. Thats what happened to Irwin Schiff. He is right, they are crooks, he is in jail, they are not. All who benefit from the injustice, judges included, deserve an unhappy ending. Irwin Schiff is a brave and moral man, some would say a fool for challenging his theives, but perhaps we are the fools. We whine and accept the tyranny, he did not. Ultimately men like Schiff are better than us and our lives become better because of them.

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 00:02 | 4946247 iinthesky
iinthesky's picture

Everything Irwin Schiff says it's completely correct and lucid and sane. The problem is twofold. One, Schiff failed to realize he is under multiple layers of contractual obligations, and two, the collection agency of the federal reserve and it's owners known as the IRS simply doesn't give a shit about the law or if your right...

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 06:39 | 4946538 Mr. Ed
Mr. Ed's picture

The only thing I can fault Irwin Schiff for is his mistaken belief that the courts in this country will uphold the Constitution basic principles of law when those in power want them not to.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:45 | 4944880 NoDecaf
NoDecaf's picture

They have to know that a mass revolt is brewing, right? I mean down to the individual worker at the IRS and other such parasitical organizations...If it is not common knowledge in those institutions by now, then it should be.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:26 | 4944997 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

They know, man.  They know.  Every congress and administration plays the "not on my watch" game to stave it off until the next guy is sitting in the chair.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:27 | 4944999 quasimodo
quasimodo's picture

Probably, but I am sure arming said worker bees has nothing to do with the bad moon on the rise.


Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:47 | 4944890 Mrs. Cog
Mrs. Cog's picture


Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:50 | 4944907 Zerozen
Zerozen's picture

I love that. I'm going to get a T shirt made out of that one.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 18:02 | 4945110 Sedaeng
Thu, 07/10/2014 - 18:34 | 4945245 messystateofaffairs
messystateofaffairs's picture

I never pay "my" taxes. Nothing about those taxes is mine except the money that is stolen under threat. It's their taxes paid with my stolen money.

 If some fool with a Stockholm syndrom is offended because he didn't mind being robbed but I wasn't robbed my "fair share" I really just don't give a fuck. The robbers need to be dealt with and the fools disregarded.



Thu, 07/10/2014 - 19:52 | 4945557 jimmytorpedo
jimmytorpedo's picture

You mean LiveStock Home Syndrome?

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:49 | 4944894 Emergency Ward
Emergency Ward's picture

Off to the Gulag IRS-I-Owe.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:50 | 4944904 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Just get your assets off their grid, and fuck 'em.

It takes a couple of years, so start now.

The govt. will be coming for everything you own,realize it ,and hedge accordingly.

Its just a matter of time.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 18:19 | 4945169 trader1
trader1's picture

ZERO hedge.


get it ;-)

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:52 | 4944918 The Most Intere...
The Most Interesting Frog in the World's picture

In other news, IRS changing name to ISIS and will accelerate serf tax collection enforcement actions.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:04 | 4944948 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

...and destruction of antiquities whose cost basis cannot be adequately determined.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:52 | 4944919 thamnosma
thamnosma's picture

If one wished to blow off a small refund, it would be fun to submit that form.  If you are owed money you are not required to file.  They'll probably eliminate refunds in the future anyway.

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 06:30 | 4946535 effendi
effendi's picture

Do you really think the worker drones at the IRS give a shit about some nobody blowing off a few dollars refund? If they did give a shit then they can arrange for you to be audited.

If you want to make the IRS wake up then learn how to make remote detonators, IEDs and other fun stuff. No blow off but a big blow up. 

I know one old guy who told me if the doctors tell him to get his estate in order then he will go out with a bang.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:53 | 4944920 p00k1e
p00k1e's picture

Wiki 'Ed and Elaine Brown'. They're both in jail. 


"The Browns filed numerous pre-trial motions, contending (among other things) that the United States is owned by Paine Webber and that "the most powerful court in America is not the United States Supreme Court, but the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania."

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 18:43 | 4945293 Crawdaddy
Crawdaddy's picture

google "birth certificate cusip"


Thu, 07/10/2014 - 16:57 | 4944933 CaptainSpaulding
CaptainSpaulding's picture

I will show this to H&R Block next year if i'm still alive.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:03 | 4944943 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

The HDD failure is such a lame plot-point in this awful stage play.  

Bring on the FAT LADY!

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:09 | 4944960 mt paul
mt paul's picture

fat lady 


Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:11 | 4944967 arby63
arby63's picture

So what would happen if we all do that? I am thinking about it. Those filthy fucks 

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:13 | 4944970 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

When the Petro$ goes poof, I will be doing my own audits--me and my buddy Guillotine.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:17 | 4944979 Moe Howard
Moe Howard's picture

The law doesn't matter. Pay your taxes, bitchez.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 19:12 | 4945425 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

Exactly. Like we have all been screaming about how unconstitutional our government is, yet still suggest we can use the law as a defense. They laugh at our simplicity!

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 20:51 | 4945778 gcjohns1971
gcjohns1971's picture

40% of households have guns.

Most of them have multiple gun owners.

If one of every ten gun owners reported, it would still be the biggest army in the world.

And don't tell me about airplanes, bombs, nukes and the rest, becuase they'd be bombing their rentier assets.  And because those things are good at destroying THINGS mostly.  The people are just collateral.  But collateral doesn't work as well when the targets aren't clustered together in a tiny urban area the way they are in most of the world.

To stay on top they have to have a means of going door to door against resistance.

So... they can laugh at our conception of Law only up to the point that they lose their credibility and legitimacy.  After that they are toast.

Then again, they are stupid enough to do just that.

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 00:17 | 4946273 Jorgen
Jorgen's picture

This may fix the door-to-door dilemma (with elaborate NSA, FBI and local Law Enforcement databases cross-reference).

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:39 | 4945033 Golden Showers
Golden Showers's picture

How about this:

Dear Dick Holes. Please provide us with evidence that there is such a thing as "money".

Ha Ha Ha. We are American. We don't need no stinking money.

Go fuck yourselves.

Love, America.

PS. Nice try.

PPS. Fuck the Queef and her ugly inbred non-lineage bastard piece of shit faggot son.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:46 | 4945050 ncdirtdigger
ncdirtdigger's picture

Can't I just QE my tax payments?

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 17:57 | 4945096 Golden Showers
Golden Showers's picture

Indeed. This is because QE stands for QEEF.

Why else is the family called WIND SOARS?

WHAT, I SAY, WHAT is in a name?

Now you understand: there is no money. There has never been any money. There will be no money. There is only tax and death.

The only people who ought to be taxed are those who do not work.

Especially illegal mexican children crossing our borders. We should eat them. I bet they are tender and juicy.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 19:15 | 4945431 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

I love mexican and central American food! Yumm!

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 18:01 | 4945105 Golden Showers
Golden Showers's picture

Why do I always get the last word?

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 18:12 | 4945150 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

On Barry's watch.


Ohhhhhhh, big surprise.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 18:21 | 4945180 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  I.R.S. , LLC

  Specializing in colorectal exams and proctology.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 18:43 | 4945291 F em all but 6
F em all but 6's picture

The tax system is voluntary? Only partially true. What IS voluntary is your application into the Social Sewcurity System. Once in you are elible (entitled) to what the courts would classify as EXTRAORDINARY PROTECTIONS PAID FOR WITH MONEY FROM THE PUBLIC TREASURY. You have NO Liberty, Property, or Contract rights in those protections or its source of funding. Again, this would be a STATUTORY RIGHT that can be modified or taken away at the will of the legislative body that created the PRIVILEGE. YES, I SAID PRIVILEGE.  Does anyone other than government lawyers understand the concept of an EXCISE OR PRIVILEGE TAX????? YES!!!! The government can TAX the PRIVILEGES it creates. With the help of the States it has done so. The TAXES witheld from your paycheck, State and Federal are ALL excise or Privilege taxes within a system YOU had to VOLUNTEER into by APPLICATION. YES!!! YOU or your parents had to apply. When you did, you WAIVED judicial protections of CONTRACT and PROPERTY in exchange for those protections. The EXCISES imposed under the ACT use the WAGE, or whatever else, AS A UNIT OF MEASUREMENT TO CALCULATE THE INDIRECT EXCISE.  And as the taxing power knows NO LIMITS upon that which is a proper object of taxation, the government can take 100% of what you earn and leave you with NOTHING save a few future promises that can me modified or taken away at any time.


The constitutional problems with this are many. And forget about Schiff's frivilous arguments. He lost and the government is correct. But still corrupt. What we have here is TREASON by the States themselves as they handed the feds the power to do something that they themselves are constitutionally forbidden from doing. Those are:


Interfere with the obligation of contracts.

Moot the provisions of the federal apportionment clause as to direct taxation on property. The States handed the feds the power to bypass this clause by handing the feds the power to use the PROPERTY as a unit of measurement to calculate the indirect excise. No need to tax the WAGE (property) directly anymore as if the people would ever put up with it anyway.


Its all irrelevent now. The system is overloaded and is imploding as I write this. The courts are terrified and will do nothing even if the matter is properly brought. This leaves us with a complete collapse of the dollar and the treasury. Yes, they will get nasty on the way out which is why the next Civil War in the US is now mathematically impossible to avoid. The free shit crowd is going to riot and burn the inner cities to the ground. Starving peoiple do not give a shit about the rules of martial law. The money to pay law enforcement and the military will dry up as the value of the currency goes to zero. And another thing. In the midst of the collapse, look to China and Russia to lash out at the US as it goes down.


Hedge accordingly

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 22:51 | 4946112 damicol
damicol's picture

Th ONLY smart move for anyone with any sense who has even the slightest whiff or foreboding of events to come, is to get your assets out of there.

Even your house can be transferred offshore.

Its not hard to do, Create a paper loan   for all free equity, there are off shore companies available to do just that

They register the lien and  you don't get the money and you don't repay the non existent loan but it exists on paper .

It is a loan applied for, approved, in place, active, but with a deferred draw-down and repayment schedule that can only be activated by both parties agreeing  and with a draw-down and repayment that can take place simultaneously, extinguishing the loan at any future time.

All your personal assets can be covered this way as all free assets can be included in the schedule of securities.

Like the mansion taxes proposed in the UK.

If you own a mansion and the bank owns the 100% mortgage and you walk away if a mansion tax is imposed, they cannot pursue you for that tax if you vacate the property.

Its not yours anymore

It belongs to the bank.

Wherever that bank is based.

But there again only a fool buys property in their own name instead of an offshore corporation.




Fri, 07/11/2014 - 10:01 | 4946874 Nimby
Nimby's picture

What is the point of shuffling papers on the titles of assets in the event of a collapse?  Once the collapse occurs, all that matters is the actual, phyiscal asset.  You think the state or the bank is going to be going door-to-door conducting foreclosures after mortgage calls went unheeded?  Are you serious?

Even if they did, how would they be any different from the zombies going door-to-door looking for food?  None of them are bullet-proof. 

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 19:37 | 4945519 FreeNewEnergy
FreeNewEnergy's picture

When it come to federal income taxes and SS, I have three rules.

1. Always file a paper return.

2. Always file on April 15.

3. Never show profit from a business of more than $400 (triggers SS).

I have been self-employed for the past 15 years. Have paid $0 taxes. I have rental income and a huge expense item (amortization of intangible assets - look it up) that effectively wipes out any income. This year that item runs out, but I have a plan. I'm going to write to the IRS and ask if they have my 2005 return, because mine was lost. I might ask for 2002, 2003 and 2004 also. By law, I am only required to keep records seven years, so, 2006 would be the last year I have.

If my assumption is correct - that the IRS is a bunch of useless mouth-breathing yankers - they will have no record of my 2005 return or any prior year, so, how can they possibly know that my 15-year amortization has expired?

If I'm right, I'll just keep taking the full, fat expense. If not, I will adjust the basis upwards or institute a new amortization schedule based upon new "subscribers." It's a simple dodge for anyone who has a website and publishes a newsletter.

If that doesn't work, I'll just start claiming the deductions for using my home as a business, which I have never done, and, possibly using that angle for more exemptions, expenses, etc. for past years (I think I can go back three years).

I'm a world-class fukker. I'm not rich, but I'll be damned if I pay taxes into a system built on fraud, waste and abuse.

Molon labe, bitchez.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 20:55 | 4945791 potato
potato's picture

This is very interesting. Tons of great info on ZH comments. How would you reduce, say, a $150,000 W2 income  of an engineer or a manager.

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 23:52 | 4946228 emersonreturn
emersonreturn's picture

french fries anyone?

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 00:19 | 4946280 Crawdaddy
Crawdaddy's picture

Some of most knowledgable tax experts I have ever met were union heavy equipment operators. Those guys spent all their break time, which was a LOT, discussing their side businesses and trying to figure out how to not get killed on taxes. Some of those guys made more on the side, or claimed they did anyway, than they did on their day job.

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 00:43 | 4946327 Obamanism
Obamanism's picture

Invest $146,000 in either email recovery software or a company the produces hammers to destroy Hard disks

Thu, 07/10/2014 - 20:07 | 4945599 Clowns on Acid
Clowns on Acid's picture

Timmy Geithner and Charley Rangel. What else needs to be said?

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 00:30 | 4946305 Dre4dwolf
Dre4dwolf's picture

I losted mine toooo and also my dog ate it after.

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 00:46 | 4946332 Obamanism
Obamanism's picture

My tax return would included a section in hobby Business of buying corrupt  Hard disks and recoveing data from them, with a special note: I know what the IRS did from summer 2010 to 2013.........

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 02:45 | 4946445 luckylogger
luckylogger's picture

Good job Tyler.

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 07:00 | 4946547 Mr. Ed
Mr. Ed's picture

People, people, people...

In the next election, demand that your senators and representatives support and become sponsors of the FairTax legislation currently before Ways and Means!

Stop all this ranting!  End the IRS now, while you still have the right to vote!

If ya hate to read, check it out here!

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 08:42 | 4946702 mastersnark
mastersnark's picture

"Voting," LOL.

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 09:51 | 4946859 Nimby
Nimby's picture

There is nothing fair about the FairTax.  Repeal the 16th amendment.  Problem solved.

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 10:33 | 4946997 sleigher
sleigher's picture

How do you repeal an amendment that never was?

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 10:47 | 4947038 Nimby
Nimby's picture

Oh Jesus.  Another one of you.  Ok, let me try this again:  Regardless of whether or not it was properly ratified (and there are legitimate questions as to whether or not it was) what matters is that all three branches of government operate as if it were.  If you want to change that, you need to repeal it, get rid of the federal government ability to tax individuals, and make the feds collect their revenue from the states.

That is all.  You want to start splitting hairs on ratification, go to infowars.  They'll love you there. 

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 11:15 | 4947098 sleigher
sleigher's picture

I try not to frequent sites controlled by the opposition (Infowars).  I know that the government operates as if it were ratified, I think it is pertinent to the discussion though.  

Do you think it would be easier to repeal the amendment or to raise awareness of the research done into the questions surrounding its ratification?  I am just asking and not trying to argue.

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 12:43 | 4947389 Milestones
Milestones's picture

The same holds true for the 13th Ammendment that was originally ratified in 1809. I have read it in published law books that were used in a courtroom; the prime move of the original 13th was to delete any attorney who swore alligence to their oath to the BAR

(The oath does not mean that railing around a court but rather teh British Accreditation Registry.) The punishment was attorney's being stripped of their Citizenship for taking a title from a foreign nation.

When the 2016 Constitutional review is held, tese matters must be brought up.             Milestones

Fri, 07/11/2014 - 13:04 | 4947456 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

The IRS isn’t just good at destroying information that would incriminate them. They seem to be making shit up when it suits them too.

I just got a delinquency notice from the IRS for failing to report extinguished debt from Citibank. Problem is, neither my wife nor I ever had a mortgage, credit card, or loan account of any kind with Citibank. We never received a 1099-C from the bank for debt relief either. When I called Citibank to inquire about it, they confirmed they had no accounts in their system associated with either of our SSN’s, and they had no records in their system of the account number referenced by the IRS being assigned to anyone. They also told me they had received numerous calls from people similarly inquiring about unverifiable tax claims.

So, what’s up IRS? What NSA profile are you using this time to target people who challenge your procedures and practices? Let me help you get started, I am not a member of the Tea Party.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!