Kerry Kaiser-Beer Caption Contest

Tyler Durden's picture

A first class, all expenses paid weekend trip to Vienna with full diplomatic and press cover, to explain to Germany why every day a new CIA spy is uncovered, and to again reach no resolution on Iran's nuclear program: millions of dollars.

Relaxing at the end of the day for a job well done with a cold Kaiser beer: priceless.

Some things money can't buy. For everything else there's TaxpayerCard.

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LetThemEatRand's picture

My name is John Kerry, and I'm a doucheaholic.

Keyser's picture

Wilbur, bring me another beer and some oats...


Thomas's picture

"You forgot the fucking ping pong balls?"

TeamDepends's picture

Like making love in a canoe...

kaiserhoff's picture

Who stole my god damn ketchup?

flacon's picture

You can lead a horse to beer but you can't make it drink.

SilverIsKing's picture

"Who pissed in my beer?"

Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

He's still got a long face, even after a beer.  Thats sad.

Bollixed's picture

"The least interesting man in the world"

Save_America1st's picture

it's sick when sociopaths like Kerry, obama, etc. etc. etc. (all the political scum, pretty much) make EVERYTHING they do even something as small as drinking a fucking mug of beer look totally contrived, scripted, fake, and utterly ridiuclous. 

I'd sware these fuckers are so removed from the reality of everything that they just might be from an alien race. 

Never One Roach's picture

It's mind-numbing to think Barry chose this guy to be our #1 diplomat.

AGuy's picture

"It's mind-numbing to think Barry chose this guy to be our #1 diplomat."


Not really, All of Barry's Cabinet picks are the same. There is not one that stands out.


Kirk2NCC1701's picture

And yet nobody noticed the feudal emblem on his mug?  Interesting.

Q:  Who does Kerry work for?  A: The Feudal Masters who are coming back to life, after a century of being undead.  Feudalism 2.0, baby, it's what's in the cards.

SoDamnMad's picture

"Who pissed in my beer?"   All of us!!!

BorisTheBlade's picture

Let's horseface it, life is good.

SilverIsKing's picture

"Why do Clydesdales have all the fun?"

Kirk2NCC1701's picture

@ TeamDepends: "Like making love in a canoe..."

Old Canadian joke about weak American beer like Bud:  both are fuc'g close to water.  Not to digress from the article's theme, what most foreigners and "serious" beer lovers fail to realize that it's not about selling "real beer".  It's about selling as much as possible.  Which happens when you can drink more, w/o getting drunk as fast, which leads to selling more.  Clearly the suits/MBAs run Bud (or used to), rather than beer lovers.

AlaricBalth's picture

""When your horse is headed down toward the waterfalls or your horse is drowning, it's a good time to change horses in midstream. May I also suggest we need a taller horse? You can get through deeper waters that way."

Actual quote from John Kerry during his 2004 campaign for President.
Say what you will about the equine man, he certainly is self-aware.

TahoeBilly2012's picture

Was Irish, now Jewish....Jewrish!

weburke's picture

Actually, neither....... he is in the royal/holy family none will talk about. The most murderous liars win the planet. Proven here on planet earth ! Congrats. I am sure one centralized power on a human occupied planet could only have been brought about this way.                            

TahoeBilly2012's picture

Uncle Fester as Minister of Propaganda

kaiserhoff's picture

Hate to break it to you guys, but Kaiser beer makes a liar's head explode,

  in 5,4,3....

TahoeBilly2012's picture

Skier's prefer Gosser anyways, Kaiser is for flat landers.

nmewn's picture

I never understood it either, apparently he thinks horses can't swim or only tall horses can or he doesn't want to get his feet wet...or sumpin.

Ahhh well, what the hell ya gonna


TheFourthStooge-ing's picture


I never understood it either, apparently he thinks horses can't swim or only tall horses can or he doesn't want to get his feet wet...or sumpin.

He's afraid his shoes will rust if they get wet.

nmewn's picture

Sir Kerry of Heinz mounted on his faithful warhorse Scottrade!

Has a certain ring to it ;-)

NoPension's picture

Jen Jiss Con never had it this good.

mjcOH1's picture

"I never understood it either, apparently he thinks horses can't swim or only tall horses can or he doesn't want to get his feet wet...or sumpin."


The taller horses have bigger flippers.  Duh?

kaiserhoff's picture

It's Irish philosophy.

Only makes sense if you are very drunk, or married to a troll.

ugmug's picture

I like my beer first then comes the lingerie afterwards....

NoPension's picture

.....he once held the entire U.S. congress spellbound, with his tale of military prowess....

Stay thirsty, my friends.

TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

"For a smooth, shiny coat on your Clodsdale, serve him genuine Olde Douche Oat Beer"

nmewn's picture

I think thats the name of his yacht ;-)

kaiserhoff's picture

Hmmm.  Crack Head One?

kliguy38's picture

I like Kaiser Beer but even better I like Kaiser gold......go foch yourselfs you stupid Krauts

mofreedom's picture

That green label during Xmas is frikin good strong...can't get any on America...i wish the the liquor control board of Ontario would mail me some...two cases please.

Berspankme's picture

The very definition of a useless fuck

FilthyHabits's picture

I also drink my own urine disguised as a beer and my face looks like a cunt.

thunderchief's picture

Nothing worse than some idiot making a display of a half drank half pint.

Just like his Vietnam tour, he got through half of the first half and ran home to cry to his senate. Half Ass!

JustObserving's picture

Horses drank beer? No wonder they are forever happily pulling wagons of beer.

ncdirtdigger's picture

Whiskey for my men, beer for my horses.

Escrava Isaura's picture

Got that right.... but that’s Germany, not England.

He’s just being a good diplomat

LetThemEatRand's picture

I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer to have the taxpayers buy it.

Escrava Isaura's picture

Complex societies...

The problem of running an Empire

QEternity's picture

We don't spend taxpayer money on it we spend stimulus money to quench the Clydesdale's thirst