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Kerry Kaiser-Beer Caption Contest

Tyler Durden's picture




 

A first class, all expenses paid weekend trip to Vienna with full diplomatic and press cover, to explain to Germany why every day a new CIA spy is uncovered, and to again reach no resolution on Iran's nuclear program: millions of dollars.

Relaxing at the end of the day for a job well done with a cold Kaiser beer: priceless.

Some things money can't buy. For everything else there's TaxpayerCard.

 

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Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:40 | 4951967 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

My name is John Kerry, and I'm a doucheaholic.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:51 | 4951996 QEternity
QEternity's picture

Doucheweiser

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:53 | 4952002 Keyser
Keyser's picture

Wilbur, bring me another beer and some oats...

 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:58 | 4952019 InjectTheVenom
InjectTheVenom's picture

what a douche

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:11 | 4952045 Thomas
Thomas's picture

"You forgot the fucking ping pong balls?"

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:15 | 4952056 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Like making love in a canoe...

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:31 | 4952095 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Who stole my god damn ketchup?

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:38 | 4952112 flacon
flacon's picture

You can lead a horse to beer but you can't make it drink.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:55 | 4952160 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

"Who pissed in my beer?"

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:00 | 4952179 Beam Me Up Scotty
Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

He's still got a long face, even after a beer.  Thats sad.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:48 | 4952314 Bollixed
Bollixed's picture

"The least interesting man in the world"

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 13:34 | 4952733 Save_America1st
Save_America1st's picture

it's sick when sociopaths like Kerry, obama, etc. etc. etc. (all the political scum, pretty much) make EVERYTHING they do even something as small as drinking a fucking mug of beer look totally contrived, scripted, fake, and utterly ridiuclous. 

I'd sware these fuckers are so removed from the reality of everything that they just might be from an alien race. 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 13:49 | 4952780 Never One Roach
Never One Roach's picture

It's mind-numbing to think Barry chose this guy to be our #1 diplomat.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 16:29 | 4953202 AGuy
AGuy's picture

"It's mind-numbing to think Barry chose this guy to be our #1 diplomat."

 

Not really, All of Barry's Cabinet picks are the same. There is not one that stands out.

 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 12:16 | 4952427 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

And yet nobody noticed the feudal emblem on his mug?  Interesting.

Q:  Who does Kerry work for?  A: The Feudal Masters who are coming back to life, after a century of being undead.  Feudalism 2.0, baby, it's what's in the cards.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 12:51 | 4952570 SoDamnMad
SoDamnMad's picture

"Who pissed in my beer?"   All of us!!!

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:55 | 4952166 BorisTheBlade
BorisTheBlade's picture

Let's horseface it, life is good.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:34 | 4952260 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

"Why do Clydesdales have all the fun?"

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 12:12 | 4952400 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

@ TeamDepends: "Like making love in a canoe..."

Old Canadian joke about weak American beer like Bud:  both are fuc'g close to water.  Not to digress from the article's theme, what most foreigners and "serious" beer lovers fail to realize that it's not about selling "real beer".  It's about selling as much as possible.  Which happens when you can drink more, w/o getting drunk as fast, which leads to selling more.  Clearly the suits/MBAs run Bud (or used to), rather than beer lovers.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:02 | 4952025 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

""When your horse is headed down toward the waterfalls or your horse is drowning, it's a good time to change horses in midstream. May I also suggest we need a taller horse? You can get through deeper waters that way."

Actual quote from John Kerry during his 2004 campaign for President.
Say what you will about the equine man, he certainly is self-aware.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:04 | 4952031 TahoeBilly2012
TahoeBilly2012's picture

Was Irish, now Jewish....Jewrish!

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:41 | 4952105 weburke
weburke's picture

Actually, neither....... he is in the royal/holy family none will talk about. The most murderous liars win the planet. Proven here on planet earth ! Congrats. I am sure one centralized power on a human occupied planet could only have been brought about this way.                                      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YFk4b6yeX4

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:24 | 4952238 TahoeBilly2012
TahoeBilly2012's picture

Uncle Fester as Minister of Propaganda

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:28 | 4952247 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Hate to break it to you guys, but Kaiser beer makes a liar's head explode,

  in 5,4,3....

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 12:03 | 4952383 TahoeBilly2012
TahoeBilly2012's picture

Skier's prefer Gosser anyways, Kaiser is for flat landers.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 14:13 | 4952836 dogfish
dogfish's picture

War hero.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:11 | 4952044 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I never understood it either, apparently he thinks horses can't swim or only tall horses can or he doesn't want to get his feet wet...or sumpin.

Ahhh well, what the hell ya gonna do...lol.

 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:18 | 4952064 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

.

I never understood it either, apparently he thinks horses can't swim or only tall horses can or he doesn't want to get his feet wet...or sumpin.

He's afraid his shoes will rust if they get wet.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:22 | 4952072 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Sir Kerry of Heinz mounted on his faithful warhorse Scottrade!

Has a certain ring to it ;-)

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:27 | 4952087 NoPension
NoPension's picture

Jen Jiss Con never had it this good.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:33 | 4952252 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

"I never understood it either, apparently he thinks horses can't swim or only tall horses can or he doesn't want to get his feet wet...or sumpin."

 

The taller horses have bigger flippers.  Duh?

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:33 | 4952101 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

It's Irish philosophy.

Only makes sense if you are very drunk, or married to a troll.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:12 | 4952040 ugmug
ugmug's picture

I like my beer first then comes the lingerie afterwards....

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:25 | 4952079 NoPension
NoPension's picture

.....he once held the entire U.S. congress spellbound, with his tale of military prowess....

Stay thirsty, my friends.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:56 | 4952010 Martial
Martial's picture

"Beer For My Horses"

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:10 | 4952043 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

"For a smooth, shiny coat on your Clodsdale, serve him genuine Olde Douche Oat Beer"

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:12 | 4952046 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I think thats the name of his yacht ;-)

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:42 | 4952123 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Hmmm.  Crack Head One?

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:51 | 4951997 kliguy38
kliguy38's picture

I like Kaiser Beer but even better I like Kaiser gold......go foch yourselfs you stupid Krauts

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 13:12 | 4952644 mofreedom
mofreedom's picture

That green label during Xmas is frikin good strong...can't get any on America...i wish the the liquor control board of Ontario would mail me some...two cases please.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:19 | 4952223 Berspankme
Berspankme's picture

The very definition of a useless fuck

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:20 | 4952227 FilthyHabits
FilthyHabits's picture

I also drink my own urine disguised as a beer and my face looks like a cunt.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 12:09 | 4952404 thunderchief
thunderchief's picture

Nothing worse than some idiot making a display of a half drank half pint.

Just like his Vietnam tour, he got through half of the first half and ran home to cry to his senate. Half Ass!

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:41 | 4951968 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

Horses drank beer? No wonder they are forever happily pulling wagons of beer.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:44 | 4951976 ncdirtdigger
ncdirtdigger's picture

Whiskey for my men, beer for my horses.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:05 | 4952034 Escrava Isaura
Escrava Isaura's picture

Got that right.... but that’s Germany, not England.

He’s just being a good diplomat

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:43 | 4951970 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer to have the taxpayers buy it.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:46 | 4951984 Escrava Isaura
Escrava Isaura's picture

Complex societies...

The problem of running an Empire

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:48 | 4951988 QEternity
QEternity's picture

We don't spend taxpayer money on it we spend stimulus money to quench the Clydesdale's thirst

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:53 | 4951971 remain calm
remain calm's picture

Lets face it people I am real good. I deserve everything and more. You are welcome. Cheers.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:46 | 4951975 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

It needs moar ketchup.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:45 | 4951978 ncdirtdigger
ncdirtdigger's picture

Say John, why the long face?

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:45 | 4951979 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

In breaking news:

Margaret Thatcher 'personally covered up' child abuse allegations against senior ministers


The Tory Prime Minister is said to have held a meeting with a rising star, who was tipped for promotion, and told him: “You have to clean up your sexual act”

Margaret Thatcher personally covered up child abuse ­allegations made against one of her senior ministers, according to explosive new claims.

The Sunday People reports Tory Prime Minister is said to have held a high-powered meeting with the rising star, who was being tipped for promotion, and told him: “You have to clean up your sexual act.”

It followed an allegation that the minister had sexually abused young boys at the home of one of his political allies in 1982.

However the minister apparently ignored the warnings.

It is claimed that four years later he was spotted by police seeking young boys for sex at Victoria railway station in London.

But no action was taken.

The extraordinary claims – made to the Sunday People by a source with inside knowledge of Scotland Yard in the early 1980s – are now expected to be put before the Westminster child abuse ­inquiry announced last week by the Prime Minister.

They go to the very heart of claims that there was an Establishment cover-up to protect politicians , judges and police officers involved in a sick ­paedophile network.

David Cameron has already agreed to a full-scale investigation into historical allegations of child abuse.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/margaret-thatcher-personally-covere...

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:49 | 4951993 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

John Ward over @ The Slog has been exposing this for years now.

Why are the PTB allowing it to go mainstream now ?

 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:03 | 4952003 Escrava Isaura
Escrava Isaura's picture

Bread & Circus.... as the shit is about to hit the fan

 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:16 | 4952057 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

More breaking news: Kievan Yatzi shelling hits house in Russian town, kills father of four.

http://rt.com/news/172404-russian-donetsk-shelled-victims/

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 13:34 | 4952734 NoPension
NoPension's picture

Looks like Horseface or Theresa went through and gave everybody 1downvote.

Hey Idiot. Doesn't the fact you're The ONLY fucking one without a sense of humor make you reflect?

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:55 | 4952007 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Limited hangout for all kinds of reasons. Most of those involved are dead or out of power. It gives the appearance the "press" is actually pressing the PTB and doing its job and it is cover for something else they REALLY don't want you to see.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:45 | 4952135 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Like getting caught committing high treason in the IRS scandal,

  and caught again in the stoopid cover up???

OMIFUCKINGGOD!  The dog ate all the hard drives..., well only the one's of criminals and fools.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:58 | 4952013 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

Why are the PTB allowing it to go mainstream now ?

Jimmy Saville was not a big enough distraction from the collapsing economy?

Margaret Thatcher made repeated attempts to get Jimmy Savile knighted – despite pleas from concerned aides

 


Senior Whitehall mandarins repeatedly warned former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher against knighting Jimmy Savile because of long-standing concerns over his private life.

 

Previously unseen Cabinet Office papers reveal that suspicions about the DJ’s “strange and complex” personality were known at the highest level for decades.

Lady Thatcher – who invited the presenter to Chequers – made four attempts to appoint Savile to the knighthood before eventually succeeding in the final year of office in 1990.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/margaret-thatcher-made-rep...

 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:21 | 4952070 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

I supplied a load of plant ,free of charge, to his Stoke Mandeville hospital charity,

way back when.Met Jimmy Saville half a dozen times,plus a couple of private lunches.

He seemed perfectly normal,for an  obvious queer,that is.

Scary, that you just can't tell how evil some fukers are.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:33 | 4952099 Escrava Isaura
Escrava Isaura's picture

Churchill,

How is a queer supposed to look?

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:40 | 4952108 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

A bit like Ian Thorpe, perhaps?

https://twitter.com/hashtag/IanThorpe?src=tren

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:52 | 4952136 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Which type ?

I knew one that was an enforcer for the Kray twins.Built like a brick outhouse.

He hung out at "The BlackCat" on Camden High St,his cover wife was a girlfriend of

mine for a while.

Saville was effeminate,off air,talked about only one woman,his mother,evinced

no interest in some very pretty ladies(groupies) surrounding him.

As a product of an English Public school,I can spot them at a thousand yards.

Shame the gaydar doesn't work on paedophiles.

 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:48 | 4952147 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Like Pee Wee Herman,

  or Choomie.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:21 | 4952231 Berspankme
Berspankme's picture

Picture Obama

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:45 | 4951980 QEternity
QEternity's picture

Is this from the Super Bowl Clydesdale ad?

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:23 | 4952074 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Now stop that, you know better. Clydesales are beautiful horses. That one is a scrawny ugly horse, ready for the glue factory. For shame.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:39 | 4952114 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Yes, Clydesdales are well trained and useful.

They don't spend their entire lives pissing in the soup.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:46 | 4951981 Unstable Condition
Unstable Condition's picture

When I'm not serving in Viet Nam, or avoiding paying taxes on my yacht, I drink Douchequis.

Stay elitist, my friends.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:48 | 4951987 Escrava Isaura
Escrava Isaura's picture

Welcome to America

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:54 | 4952004 d edwards
d edwards's picture

By the dumbass look on his face, I'd say he's already had a few.

 

No, wait-he always looks that way!

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:58 | 4952016 Escrava Isaura
Escrava Isaura's picture

He actually looks good...

Anyway, just another academic hard at work

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:47 | 4951986 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Why don't we get drunk and screw [the citizens].

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:49 | 4951992 Escrava Isaura
Escrava Isaura's picture

Rand,

I don't think they need a drink for that... or that much effort, either

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:49 | 4951991 Reaper
Reaper's picture

Be thankful,I wasn't a failed president.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:55 | 4951999 Atomizer
Sun, 07/13/2014 - 12:06 | 4952388 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

And yet the US Treasury Secretary Jack Kew poured cold water on the EU requirement that the US Financial Services sector be included in TAFTA (TRANS ATLANTIC FREE TRADE AGREEMENT).

The Morgue and the Squid & F(r)iends  are to be excluded from accountability to the EU.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:52 | 4952000 Took Red Pill
Took Red Pill's picture

"Did someone put a Roofy in my beer?"

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:20 | 4952066 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Wishful thinking.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:54 | 4952001 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Well, I woke up Sunday morning

With no way to hold my head that doesn't make me look, like a douche

And the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad

So I had one more for dessert

 

 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:54 | 4952005 T-NUTZ
T-NUTZ's picture

It's on the HOUSE, BITCHEZ!!

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:55 | 4952009 jack stephan
jack stephan's picture

Hey man I'm bored, wanna come over and play gijoes?

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 09:58 | 4952014 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.

-Homer Simpson-

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:14 | 4952053 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

Paraphrasing the man in black and quoting Homer, you are on fire.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:17 | 4952058 centerline
centerline's picture

LTER wins several times over on this post!

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:05 | 4952022 Normalcy Bias
Normalcy Bias's picture

Here’s to screwing friends,
tonight I'm extra special,
the beer the peasant pours,
must say 'Up-Yours!' some-how,
so tonight, tonight,
let it be Kohnbrau

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:00 | 4952023 Boomberg
Boomberg's picture

Well I woke up this morning got myself a beer,

the future's uncertain and the end is always near. 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:02 | 4952024 Arbysauce
Arbysauce's picture

He tweeted that photo himself.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:04 | 4952028 nmewn
nmewn's picture

John Kerry, reporting for duty...our hero...lol.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:04 | 4952030 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

"In an expletive-charged broadside, the executive was quoted as saying: "You ... Americans! Who are you to tell us, the rest of the world, that we're not going to deal with Iranians?"

 

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/bruised-grumbling-foreign-banks-bend-u-rul...

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:08 | 4952037 Escrava Isaura
Escrava Isaura's picture

Because we're the boss of the world

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:06 | 4952035 Herdee
Herdee's picture

That guy's got something wrong with him.He seems dimwitted or touched by just being plain dumb.Is Victoria Nuland any smarter?That bitch is PMS'd bigtime.They both make good bed partners.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:09 | 4952041 q99x2
q99x2's picture

"I'm done, I quit and there ain't nothing you can do about it."

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:14 | 4952051 Escrava Isaura
Escrava Isaura's picture

C’mon, stick around! Zero Hedge doesn't have a new thread yet

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:12 | 4952047 the grateful un...
the grateful unemployed's picture

Road Trip! Road Trip! Road Trip!

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:14 | 4952050 R-502
R-502's picture

This doesn't taste like beer.... Who Pissed in my cup!!!!! Although it does have a familiar Wang to it.  :P

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:15 | 4952052 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

Can I have a beer, I'm a little horse.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:15 | 4952054 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Isn't his face on the bottles of Rolling Rock beer ???

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:18 | 4952062 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

I think the Germans drink their beer warm...

Or is that really a glass of Merkel's piss he is holding?

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:21 | 4952063 highly debtful
highly debtful's picture

"Whaddayamean "Abraham Lincoln once said 'I will gladly hold McClellan's horse if only he would bring us success.' What's that got to do with anything? I'm just having a beer here, you fucking piece of shit, you don't have to start quoting Shakespeare on me!"

 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:22 | 4952071 ISEEIT
ISEEIT's picture

These useless pieces of shit supposedly run the world?

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:24 | 4952076 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Scary huh? ;-)

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:28 | 4952088 Escrava Isaura
Escrava Isaura's picture

ISEEIT "....These useless pieces of shit supposedly run the world?

What? You didn’t know that they run America, and the world?

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:30 | 4952094 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

ISEEIT

Not for much longer, they are toast. 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:34 | 4952103 Escrava Isaura
Escrava Isaura's picture

Atomizer,

How so?

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:07 | 4952185 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Can't say. It's coming. That's why a fourth generation Scotlander loves this country. The EU is going to have a financial assburn. Coupling the United States to help pay off the bankers leverage. That's when the dancing to a banker reality show begins.

Cable TV will have a new reality show called, dancing to a banker dodging a AR15 bullet clip spray. You dumb fucks created this mess. 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:33 | 4952100 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

You are supposed to say something funny for the caption contest...not true and depressing.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:17 | 4952219 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Sorry. Always enjoy your posts. Sometimes I need to unload information to help others. Generally, my rants are 3-6 months before they happen. 

I love my country. Call me a asshole. We will take down these pieces of shit. 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:24 | 4952077 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Forgot to buy milk, will have to piss in my bowel of cereal 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:25 | 4952078 JailBanksters
JailBanksters's picture

Oi, You Talkin' to me ?

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:32 | 4952096 NoWayJose
NoWayJose's picture

Everywhere I go, I tell world leaders what WE want THEM to do, but in the end the only thing we agree on is that 'beer is good - and people are crazy'

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:42 | 4952106 Smegley Wanxalot
Smegley Wanxalot's picture

. . .  "I drink fine imported urine from a beer glass" - John Kerry

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:46 | 4952110 Watts_D_Matter
Watts_D_Matter's picture

As John looks at his beer, Merkel looks at John's puzzeled face and sez:

 

John, I know you are probably wondering the same thing most Germans are thinking about in this time of crisis, yes, you still have a bigger head than that head on the pint of beer that we poured in your glass. 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:39 | 4952117 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

You can lead a horse to beer but that doesn't make him a secretary....wait...you're a secretary?

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:36 | 4952266 prymythirdeye
prymythirdeye's picture

Too funny

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:56 | 4952350 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Secretariat.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 15:23 | 4953053 Otto Zitte
Sun, 07/13/2014 - 12:01 | 4952351 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Just horsing around with "foreighn" policy.

There's a tear in my beer 
'cause I'm cryin' for you, dear 
you are on my lonely mind. 
Into these last nine beers 
I have shed a million tears. 
You are on my lonely mind
I'm gonna keep drinkin'
until I'm petrified.
And then maybe these tears 
will leave my eyes.
There's a tear in my beer 
cause I'm crying' for you dear
You are on my lonely mind. (Hank Williams, singing the role of the cartoon horse)

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:40 | 4952118 Mempo of Twilight
Mempo of Twilight's picture

Where I live (not in the US) the politicians i.e. the thieves still have the sense to enjoy themselves behind closed doors.

 You Americans should know that you are completely fucked when your politicians publicly show off the proceeds of their criminal activities. They are not even pretending to be decent or modest anymore.

 What next? I wouldn’t be surprised if your next president shares a selfie on twitter showing himself doing cocaine while fucking a hooker with the hashtag “work hard play hard”.

 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:42 | 4952127 The Blank Stare
The Blank Stare's picture

Hey! What's the fucking country code for Ukraine.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:42 | 4952128 Watts_D_Matter
Watts_D_Matter's picture

Ms. Merkel, thank you for the mug of beer, but I only drink out of a trough.....

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:54 | 4952157 Elliptico
Elliptico's picture

Hmmm...Hillary might have diabetes.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:55 | 4952159 esum
esum's picture

yes i prefer my own warm urine to beer.... pass the peanuts and pretzels....... burp fart

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:55 | 4952162 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

What a waste of good beer!  He probably pisses blue....

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:56 | 4952164 Circle of DNA
Circle of DNA's picture

The path to "prosperity" lies through stupidity, absence of heart and ignorance .  Cultivating fraudulent mind and mastering the "art" of chaos is the only way they (reptiles) know how to survive.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 10:57 | 4952174 Martian Tourist
Martian Tourist's picture

"This beer is as weak as my foreign policy"

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 12:28 | 4952469 Salsipuedes
Salsipuedes's picture

Actually the beer is good and the foreign policy is poison.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:03 | 4952183 Salsipuedes
Salsipuedes's picture

Zum wohl The CIA just gave me a statement to read. It says:" Ich bin ein assenstuffers nachtraum und einen dumbkopf snhweinhund erste Klasse!"  I'm John Heinz Kerry von der Heiny and I approve this message! Now let's get back to work! SLURP!

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:03 | 4952187 BeetleBailey
BeetleBailey's picture

OK..who pissed in my stein?

Oh...Teresa....OK.....sorry...my bad...

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:05 | 4952188 synsolve
synsolve's picture

I'd much rather a chardonnay!

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 12:03 | 4952382 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Neighhhhhh! Pbbbbbbb!

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:15 | 4952216 kurt
kurt's picture

The Least Interesting Man in the World

Drinks Alone.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:18 | 4952222 mr.n3utr0n
mr.n3utr0n's picture

This bugs for you.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:33 | 4952255 theyjustcantstop
theyjustcantstop's picture

from the expression on his face, the telepromter he was practicing to read for the next day, didn't have i'm a decorated war vet. in the first paragraph.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:34 | 4952258 prymythirdeye
prymythirdeye's picture

Good end to a long face.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:34 | 4952259 Dublinmick
Dublinmick's picture

Angie when this is over, do you want to go to Paraguay or Argentina? Don't worry we will seal the bunker for 150 years.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:35 | 4952263 alexcojones
alexcojones's picture

Why not brew a NWO Beer, John?

"Bonesman Beer: When You Really Feel Dry, Demonic & Diabolical"

Bush and Kerry - always brewing up some new shit - along with the rest of the scum (Hitlery, Barry, Reid, McCain etc)

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:36 | 4952271 alexcojones
alexcojones's picture

"You can never buy beer, you can only rent it."

Archie Bunker

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:37 | 4952273 rogerramjet
rogerramjet's picture

It is great!  Got more than u!  Smarter than you!  More money than u!  WHY???  Because I got a TAXPAYER CARD and I'M SUCKING u assholes dry.  Don't like it? FUCK YOU  Your powerless.  Free HEALTHCARE, BBig pension.  Sucking you assholes dry.  And your powerless....

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:39 | 4952280 petaloka
petaloka's picture

I didn't steal your beer Wilbur.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:46 | 4952306 booboo
booboo's picture

There once was a nave named John Kohn

with a face like a horse made of stone

he married for money

he looks very funny

so he has a beer goggles ap on his phone.

 

 

 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:52 | 4952330 pakled
pakled's picture

You know what I'm going to do when I finish this beer? I'm giving this fucking job back to Hillary and retiring in Vienna.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 11:56 | 4952353 The Most Intere...
The Most Interesting Frog in the World's picture

On a long enough time line, all of the worlds gold will be mine.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 12:00 | 4952372 Who was that ma...
Who was that masked man's picture

"I'd like to propose a toast to America.  This Bud's for you......  Bunch of suckers".

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 12:01 | 4952374 HerrDoktor
HerrDoktor's picture

You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't make him drink.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 12:16 | 4952428 RichardENixon
RichardENixon's picture

I'll let Jim Morrison handle this one

I woke up this morning and got myself a beer

The future's uncertain and the end is always near

 

 




Sun, 07/13/2014 - 12:18 | 4952436 orez65
orez65's picture

"Good end to long days"

Great !!!

But what did you accomplish ? !

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 12:35 | 4952501 Jano
Jano's picture

Kohn in Vienna.

Well in every case I left the city for this weekend

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