Want To Buy A Tank? Here's How

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Dreamed of driving a "Deathstalker"? Always wanted to drive an M3 Light Tank over your neighbor's car parked in your driveway? Well, now's your chance... As Bloomberg reports, on July 11, a portion of the world’s largest private collection of tanks and historic military vehicles will be up for auction. Former Silicon Valley engineer, Jacques Littlefield, bought his first tanks in the 1980’s and by the time of his death in 2009, he had acquired more than 200 vehicles.

 

 

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Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:22 | 4954023 DirkDiggler11
DirkDiggler11's picture

Great, I was looking for the perfect vehicle to "navigate" Atlanta traffic ...

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:25 | 4954041 Bear
Bear's picture

Should work ... except in Roswell

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:48 | 4954118 zorba THE GREEK
zorba THE GREEK's picture

I had a neighbor who bought a tank. He use to go fox hunting with it.

I think they made a movie about him, but I'm not going to pay to see it.

I already saw it first hand. Not a bad idea though. Next time  someone

lets their dog poop on my lawn and doesn't pick it up-" KABOOM "

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:51 | 4954130 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture

 

 

"Want to buy a tank?"

"No, tanks..."

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 22:19 | 4954221 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

In Iraq you are not buy tank, just scare Iraq security forces. They are even leave engine running for commandeer.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 22:56 | 4954333 pachanguero
pachanguero's picture

Boris,

I love your stuff. I'd vote for you for President.  If you will make me Minister of Marijuana.  Si O no?

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 23:32 | 4954437 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

Do the come with ammo?

Mon, 07/14/2014 - 00:03 | 4954493 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

I toured this guy's collection before.  It is impressive.  When I was there he had at least five [American] football field sized steel buildings (and more being built) filled with various military vehicles, including 50 ton tanks and a decommissioned SCUD missile.

I am Chumbawamba.

Mon, 07/14/2014 - 12:17 | 4955716 Frankie Carbone
Frankie Carbone's picture

Ammo is heavy as hell. I don't think the Minister of Marijuana, or his staff, would have the inclination to get off the couch and even move it. Even getting a boxcutter or crowbar to open the boxes/crates is energy wasted otherwise needed to sign the check for the pizza. 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 23:33 | 4954442 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture

 

 

Wouldn't you rather be ADminister of Marijuana?

 

Mon, 07/14/2014 - 00:02 | 4954499 pachanguero
pachanguero's picture

General of Ganja?

Mon, 07/14/2014 - 00:07 | 4954508 Boondocker
Boondocker's picture

Can i be minister of silly walks?

Mon, 07/14/2014 - 13:36 | 4956007 Boris Alatovkrap
Boris Alatovkrap's picture

If you are speak in silly English accent.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:55 | 4954148 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Hunting fox with a tank is overkill.  Try a little JR terrier, they love it, bring a shovel.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 23:14 | 4954403 zorba THE GREEK
zorba THE GREEK's picture

Harbanger...my neighbor was John DuPont, Look him up online. No joke, the crazy bastard had a tank.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 23:52 | 4954479 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

It's amazing how a hooker took out the google guy.

Mon, 07/14/2014 - 00:27 | 4954543 Thorny Xi
Thorny Xi's picture

Exactly.  We need more politically aware hookers.

Mon, 07/14/2014 - 00:14 | 4954516 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

Having a tank is no big deal, it's what you do with it that counts.

John DuPont was an amateur compared to this player.

-Chumblez.

Mon, 07/14/2014 - 01:50 | 4954621 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

San Diego Police shot that guy dead after the Tank was stopped and no longer a threat. There was no trial. It was a very public execution with no public outcry.

 

Yeah..so much for due process. So much for those Constitutional Rights.

 

But that was okay because Obama was not President at the time. Right?

 

Good video and...Thanks for the reminder.

 

Maybe some here may see the inconsistency in their own belief ststems. Fat fucking chance.

 

I am looking forward to the downarrows as you cannot justify your support. But it will NOT CHANGE THE TRUTH ABOUT THE CHARACTER DEFICIENCES THAT ARE EXHIBITED BY MANY HERE.

Mon, 07/14/2014 - 02:28 | 4954644 Hugh G Rection
Hugh G Rection's picture

Right?

I guess the moral of the story is, making the police state look stupid is a death sentence.

More importantly... We can imbed video on ZH now!?!?!? Sweet!!!!

I gotta try it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDqNLrOd_SY

Mon, 07/14/2014 - 02:28 | 4954645 Hugh G Rection
Hugh G Rection's picture

Ahhh WTF?  Is chumba special or does he know a Jedi imbedding secret?

 

Mon, 07/14/2014 - 03:05 | 4954665 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

Chumba is a Contributing Columnist. He is special.

 

He has the priveleges of WilliamBazai7 (who is MIA ???) and Hedgeless Horseman.

Mon, 07/14/2014 - 12:18 | 4955730 Frankie Carbone
Frankie Carbone's picture

76 mm is probably OK. 105 mm and up is just way too much gun in my opinion. 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 22:06 | 4954188 Greenskeeper_Carl
Greenskeeper_Carl's picture

probably not going to do so well down ponce de leon either, my tahoe barely fits

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 22:57 | 4954340 zhandax
zhandax's picture

You care if they shoot back in the Tahoe.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:28 | 4954049 erkme73
erkme73's picture

I bet somewhere right now, Michael Dukakis is having a little orgasm.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:31 | 4954064 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Only kind he's ever had.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:49 | 4954122 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Stop comparing.  When are we gonna start making babies lola?

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:35 | 4954079 Jendrzejczyk
Jendrzejczyk's picture

Michael Duchekakas will never be able to look at a tank without feeling peevish and embarrassed.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 22:13 | 4954207 NYPoke
NYPoke's picture

Him & Jane Fonda.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:23 | 4954027 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Can't afford a used one because of all the taxes to pay for the new ones that also belong to someone else.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:24 | 4954036 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Someone is leveraging assets 

/sarc 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:26 | 4954037 Bear
Bear's picture

I'll wait for the Lexus Landlandler

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:54 | 4954140 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Canyonaero

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZeFDe44Ddo

Must be a GM vehicle.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:25 | 4954043 kurt
kurt's picture

I've already bought all the tanks, airplanes, ships, and arms. I'm an american taxpayer.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:27 | 4954050 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

That's the great part, because they don't belong to us.  We pay taxes for the MIC that protects the MIC.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 22:13 | 4954208 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Yeah whatever... I don't even know why they still need to collect our taxes, to meet a budget? No way, they can print all the $ want, it's just a way to fuck over what's left of the middle class, BiTCHEZ.

Mon, 07/14/2014 - 12:21 | 4955742 Frankie Carbone
Frankie Carbone's picture

So if a civil war ever erupts do you plan on walking onto Fix Bragg and saying "Ohh no you don't. We paid for these. These are ours! Get your own goddamn tanks!", and then hop in and drive off?

 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:26 | 4954046 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

Hey, D.C. District of Criminals, here I come.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:29 | 4954057 Caviar Emptor
Caviar Emptor's picture

This will piss off the gun lobby. Right to bear tanks?

Mon, 07/14/2014 - 02:11 | 4954632 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

The right to bear arms was not a restriction on the arms that one could bear.

 

In fact Private Citizens, when the fledgling Republic was born, OWNED Cannon. Some owned Warships outfitted with Cannon. That was STATE OF THE ART back then. Even the Government did not want to tangle with a private citizen who owned a cannon. Yes. Liberty was great for a little while. 

 

Anyway the owners of Warships were very instrumental in harassing the British Fleet during the Revolutionary War and the War of 1812. They were called PRIVATEERS. (Today we call them mercernaries, Guns for Hire.)

 

If you captured a British Merchant Ship THEN it, and the Cargo, became YOUR PROPERTY. Many got rich doing this.

 

So...I want a MIRV with an ICBM. I can take care of a lot of World problems with that.

Mon, 07/14/2014 - 02:31 | 4954649 Hugh G Rection
Hugh G Rection's picture

May I suggest you set coordinates for Tel Aviv when the winds are blowing from NNW?

Mon, 07/14/2014 - 02:53 | 4954652 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

And take out Riyadh, Saudi Arabia too....Hmmmmm....

 

Well I did specify a MIRV...Multiple Warheads....While we are at it I think that I can erase Somalia and Oman if the trajectory is correct.

 

I am restricted by the Laws of Orbital Mechanics.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:30 | 4954061 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Everyone has the right to a tank.

I want a subsidy for mine ;-)

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:35 | 4954067 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Obamatank?  I'm searching autozone right now for fitting spinner rims.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:40 | 4954097 maskone909
maskone909's picture

They are right next to the banana cognac air fresheners

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:49 | 4954117 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

I'm kind of new to the government handouts thing -- not being poor or a banker or part of the MIC or the intelligence services -- so could you clarify?  Where is the banana cognac air freshener aisle in relation to the gray poupon air fresher aisle? 

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 21:57 | 4954159 nmewn
nmewn's picture

They're over on aisle five here at ObamaMart, right above the Rent-a-Spinner Wheels for a night out on the town with a favorite ho.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 22:44 | 4954285 optimator
optimator's picture

its next to the dashboard vase.  Flower Power, the power to rule the earth, and there'll be a great reverse, etc.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxD7MeMrnQU

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 22:37 | 4954261 TheObsoleteMan
TheObsoleteMan's picture

When you try to start the engine on an Obamatank, they won't turn over. You have to send for a "special" mechanic who specializes in them {his wife went to school with Michele} that costs 5X's the norm because it is solar powered. Even then there are more delays. Once you do get it started, you discover it only makes left turns. Then there is that factory rainbow camouflage. But the worse part, is that it doesn't have a gun, because guns are evil.  So what is it good for you ask? Makes a great float in a "Pride" parade!

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