• Knave Dave
    05/23/2016 - 18:16
    This past Thursday marked the one-year anniversary of the US stock market’s death when stocks saw their last high. Market bulls have spent a year looking like the walking dead. They’ve...

And Now The White House Is On Lockdown

Tyler Durden's picture


A day that couldn't get any more bizarre, just did.


Why, was Obama trying to run away?

* * *

Update: It's all good, Obama is not running away:

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Thu, 07/17/2014 - 15:58 | 4969724 Kalevi
Kalevi's picture

Shit, better go to the bank.

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 15:59 | 4969736 synergize
synergize's picture

I think Israel told Obama to go to his room...

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:01 | 4969749 jbvtme
jbvtme's picture

aren't barry and mike on the vineyard?

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:05 | 4969782 Hapa
Hapa's picture

maybe time to hit the links, out to lunch, you know...

or maybe we're getting ready for a bank holiday this weekend

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:19 | 4969883 pods
pods's picture

Unattended package?



Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:21 | 4969900 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Yeah, I hear you.  My package needs to be looked after as well...

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:40 | 4970014 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture


Thu, 07/17/2014 - 17:24 | 4970205 XenoFrog
XenoFrog's picture

Don't worry. They cancelled Obama's only meeting of the day and he went to an emergency fundraiser.

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 17:35 | 4970248 rbg81
rbg81's picture

Lock down or no lockdown, Obama still needs time to be Obama.  Regardless of what is happening in the world, he will always make time for golf, selfies, drugs (weed or coke), playing pool or gay sex with celebrities.

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 19:00 | 4970699 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

In the good old days they'd execute the JEEP and everyone would get out of dodge.  I kinda have mixed feelings about these asshats sheltering in place.

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 20:25 | 4971140 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

"In the good old days they'd execute the JEEP and everyone would get out of dodge.  I kinda have mixed feelings about these asshats sheltering in place."

I'm all for discouraging critical thinking in this case.

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 22:33 | 4971700 MontgomeryScott
MontgomeryScott's picture


I live in a white house.

I sometimes order stuff, and it is delivered and left on my back porch. I suppose I should take the proper precautions and evacuate the white house that I live in when I get home and find an 'unattended package' on my back doorstep (if I see something, SAY something! THANKS, JANET NAPOLITANO! I WILL!).

Naturally, if the UPS or USPS 'attendant' is not there to 'attend' to my packages, I have to ASSUME that it is 'unattended', and will from now on immediately get my robot (or my less-than-intelligent neighbor who also happens to be a 'peace officer') to take the package out to the back yard and blow it up while I hunker in my bunker.

SHIT! I forgot! I just ordered 5,000 rounds of ammo! that stuff cost me a boatload of feds! WAIT, don't...

Too late.

 The closed-casket ceremony was quite emotionally moving (except for the motorcycle cops posed aiming their radar guns to track the speed of the casket as it was being lowered They compared readings, and I heard figures like 'almost a quarter-mile an hour').

The openly gay president and his transvestite wife (Joan Rivers, et.al) seemed to have forgotten that they had ordered this month's supply of sex toys from Victoria's Secret. The smell of phalates and the 'real-skin' fragments (sticky with Doc Johnson's Anal Lube) are now scattered all over the White House south lawn.

Secret Service agents are, even now, placing an order for a case of latex gloves so that they can clean up the residue. Hopefully, there will be someone present to 'attend' to the delivery of this package.

I'm all for discouraging critical thinking in this case.

Taking out anger on inanimate objects such as JEEPS seems to be a sign of emotional weakness (kind of like punching walls when the old lady tells you you have a 'little winkie' for the 451st time in your miserable life). If I recall, DODGE BOUGHT JEEP, so if one wanted to 'get out of DODGE', would one also have to EXECUTE their JEEP? Would punching a hole in the oil pan and letting the oil leak out be called 'WET WORK' in the manner of hired executioners like the inner circles of the CIA/MI6/LIKUD? 

Are the Wookie's kids 'ducking and covering' in fear and cowering shame right now? Are Michelle and Oprah having 'one last fling' because they are going to die (possibly)? Is Valerie Jarret giving Obombo 'one last blowjob' in sympathy for his imminent demise; or is he RATHER on the phone to his current boyfreind, asking him if he 'really loves him' in his 'hour of doom' (or; perhaps BOTH at the same time)?

ABC will give us ALL the SALICIOUS DETAILS, I suppose.

MEANWHILE, a perv posing as a 'TSA' agent convinced two women to step in to the screening room and give them 'pat-downs' in San Fransisco International Airport, before 'authorities' figured out the scam...

SHIT. I can't find a 'local news' link, so i will have to use RT:


Back when I was a kid and I had to walk to school five miles uphill each way, we used to go out on the weekends and get drunk and shoot at JEEPS with 'unattended packages' in them.




Thu, 07/17/2014 - 18:03 | 4970394 Dixie Rect
Dixie Rect's picture

Don't be so negative on ole Barry. He did NOT go off fundraising.


He played 18 holes.

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:42 | 4970030 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Barry is not in DC he's in NYC.  Maybe they saw another black woman driving around the WH.  It's wookie, don't shoo.

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 17:38 | 4970269 dracos_ghost
dracos_ghost's picture

I thought they were called "toddlers". I guess I was wrong.

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 19:22 | 4970814 Quantum Nucleonics
Quantum Nucleonics's picture

Bill was in the WH today?

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:19 | 4969890 wallstreetapost...
wallstreetaposteriori's picture

Putin wasn't kidding around when he said there would be consequences to Barry's sanctions.... fuck.. if we wanted a pussy for a president, America should have elected a woman.  

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:44 | 4970040 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

That's coming...

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 17:31 | 4970231 SuperRay
SuperRay's picture

Then instead of racists, critics will be called anti-women

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 21:16 | 4971393 UselessEater
UselessEater's picture

called misogynists ...

We've had that game played in Aust. when Gillard was PM. It was nauseating, then one of the lead "misogynists" was voted in as the new PM...huh?

I guess the gender card had been played long enough to do a Tavistock PC exercise on us.

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 17:38 | 4970270 Stalin
Stalin's picture

You mean Sara or Monica? :O

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:21 | 4969898 Moccasin
Moccasin's picture

Speaking of shitting your pants, General Custer did and you can go see those shit stained pants of his at the museum in Helena Montana. I think pants shitting is going to be more and more popular with the ruling elite. And, since pants shitting is sooooo very embarrassing you can expect more lock downs. :)

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:23 | 4969901 Moccasin
Moccasin's picture

If you visit Montana be sure and visit the Little Big Horn, take pics and enjoy our history.

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:02 | 4969754 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

"Choom time, now git outta ma house."

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:05 | 4969768 SHEEPFUKKER

Is he locked in or locked out?

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:13 | 4969833 Liberal
Liberal's picture

If anyone dares try to imply that Reggie might be visiting my beloved Barrack, I will call you a racist, I swear!

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:13 | 4969836 COSMOS
COSMOS's picture

Michelle must of found some embarassing nude selfies of Obama and that Danish prime minister chick...

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:20 | 4969886 booboo
booboo's picture

not a chance in hell unless she had a rubber strap on firmly shoved up O'nero's gut rut

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 20:26 | 4971150 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

"Michelle must of found some embarassing nude selfies of Obama and that Danish prime minister chick..."


Well, we know those are fake.

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:26 | 4969941 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Have you been hired to improve the president's sexual image?

It's gay cut downs folks do, not staight. It would be reggie selfies. Get with the gay agenda!

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 18:38 | 4970559 drendebe10
drendebe10's picture

... another excuse for the lazy incompetent corrupt arrogant narcissistic illegal alien sociopathic liar in chief to avoid work while living its celebrity grand imperial golf life style at the expense and on the backs of tax paying US citizen serfs and peasants.......

"....navy corpse-man......"

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 19:04 | 4970716 Otrader
Otrader's picture

Hey may or may not be those things.  He's simply doing what he's told by the money masters. 


Woodrow Wilson signed the 1913 Federal Reserve Act. A few years later he wrote: I am a most unhappy man. I have unwittingly ruined my country. A great industrial nation is controlled by its system of credit. Our system of  credit is concentrated. The growth of the nation, therefore, and all our activities are in the hands of a few men. We have come to be one of the worst ruled, one of the most  completely controlled and dominated Governments in the civilized world no longer a  Government by free opinion, no longer a Government by conviction and the vote of the majority, but a Government by the opinion and duress of a small group of dominant men. -Woodrow  Wilson

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 20:13 | 4971079 PrintemDano
PrintemDano's picture

Shit for brains Obama is fundraising in NYC, Reggie awaits willy at the ready at the nearest bath house.

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 20:54 | 4971280 monkeyboy
monkeyboy's picture

Golf bag & clubs?

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 17:24 | 4969738 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

BHO wanted to sneak one last round of golf before the shit hits the fan...bummer for obummer

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:01 | 4969744 Liberal
Liberal's picture

Now, more than ever, is the perfect time to talk about the most pressing issue of our times: Why the Redskins should change their name.

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:12 | 4969825 kurt
kurt's picture

Yeah, they should change the "Washington" part.

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 19:01 | 4970710 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

Given the ethnic makeup of DC, all I can say is that that is just raycis!

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:39 | 4970011 nidaar
nidaar's picture

If they have to, then "white" house should be changed too.. Sounds racist, why white? Why not black or brown?

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 17:56 | 4970366 Vampyroteuthis ...
Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

How about African-American house?

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 19:02 | 4970712 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

How about the First Crib?

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 19:35 | 4970866 Zenseless
Zenseless's picture


Thu, 07/17/2014 - 19:44 | 4970899 acetinker
acetinker's picture

That's so fkn wrong, on so many levels, I greened it!

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:05 | 4969772 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Screw the bank...got ammo?


Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:24 | 4969921 Rakshas
Rakshas's picture

200 lbs of Ag bullets...... fuk it got tired of waiting for the price to go up now I'm give' em away  220 grains at a time free to the first jackboots through the door....... 

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 17:11 | 4970165 Kalevi
Kalevi's picture

Sorry, no.

We normal wage slaves down here in Mex don't own guns, but thanks to good old Tio Sam, the Narcos and the Criminals in uniforms have plenty, ask DOJ and State Dep for further info.

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:05 | 4969778 SWRichmond
SWRichmond's picture

Shit, better go to the bank.

Actually, I'm thinking it might be time for a few beers.

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 16:22 | 4969912 Kalevi
Kalevi's picture

Easy, sent wife to the bank, I went to the "deposito" for a few coronas.

Thu, 07/17/2014 - 19:46 | 4970915 acetinker
acetinker's picture

Cheers!  Or it Salut! now?  I can't keep up.

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