Middle-East "Relations" In 1 Simple Chart

Tyler Durden's picture




 

While everyone in the world (apart from the BRICS and Germany) know that Putin/Russia is the enemy; the relationships among the various 'states' in The Middle East are a mystery to most... As Slate reports, with overlapping civil wars in Syria and Iraq, a new flare-up of violence between Israel and the Palestinians, and tense nuclear talks with Iran; Middle Eastern politics are more volatile than ever and longtime alliances are shifting. Here's Slate's guide to who's on whose side in the escalating chaos...

 

Click here for The Slate's full interactive chart.

 

It seems ISIS doesn't like anyone...

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Sat, 07/19/2014 - 15:20 | 4977624 Duffy Duck
Duffy Duck's picture

A bunch of filthy Arabs run Slate and its parent, and the writers are disproportionately Muslim.

True story.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 16:03 | 4977746 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

That sounds bad.

I am Chumbawamba.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 17:05 | 4977910 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Lord god almighty.  I'm friends with Israel?

Who knew?

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 17:06 | 4977917 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

ISIS wins.  Nobody likes them.  Straight red.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 18:56 | 4978229 nidaar
nidaar's picture

To make sense, this chart needs to be 3 dimensional plus time (plus some hidden quantum dimensions). These relations change so rapidly..

Sun, 07/20/2014 - 07:42 | 4979259 0z
0z's picture

I was gonna say the same. Or, in other words, Bullshit!
The world is made of people, not 'countries'.
The chart would need about half a billion rows.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 16:08 | 4977756 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

Careful Duffy... that statement is clearly anti-semitic...

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/semitic

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 18:05 | 4978063 Duffy Duck
Duffy Duck's picture

I'm counting on the fact that some Semites are more equal than others, Zero.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 16:36 | 4977838 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

13 elements and across all axes not one of them has more than 4 'likes'.    11 are muslims, 1 jewish and then there's the USA.

Conclusions?

  • No one likes Israel
  • Muslims are just flat out dicks to each other regardless of what their book says.

 

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 16:44 | 4977861 nopalito
nopalito's picture

Iraq is the most popular with 6 'likes'. 

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 17:26 | 4977963 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

If the chart wasn't 'relations' but rather weapons sold to or donated to, the US would have a green smiley all across the board

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 18:36 | 4978164 nailgunnin4you
nailgunnin4you's picture
  • Muslims are just flat out dicks to each other regardless of what their book says.

 

Yeah why can't Muslims be civilized like Europe and the western world? 

 

But seriously if you don't think all humans are naturally apish cunts of the nth-est degree, doomed to wallow in our own shit until we are saved by a long-overdue asteroid - then please go pat yourself on the back elsewhere.

Sun, 07/20/2014 - 07:47 | 4979264 0z
0z's picture

You're confusing the people with the 'Government'.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 16:39 | 4977848 indygo55
indygo55's picture

This chart isn't too accurate. Iran and Turkey are complicated. They trade oil for gold. The US and Iraq is complicated, especially now. Definately not friends. Syria and Hamas are complicated. In fact the whole thing is complicated except ISIS. They DO hate everyone, oh except the US who sponsors, pays, trains and arms them.

Sun, 07/20/2014 - 10:18 | 4979529 R-502
R-502's picture

You know most of this love-hate shit in the middle east could be solved with deodorant. If these jerks would all start using deodorant they might be able to stand each others stench and talk... Just a thought :P

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 15:21 | 4977634 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

How about a chart showing how all the nation state 'leaders' (politics and banking) all scheme with each other behind the people's back while this charade is presented to maintain some semblance of organized conflict?

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 15:47 | 4977711 Dre4dwolf
Dre4dwolf's picture

It's easier to just throw them all in jail and let god sort them out in 100 years.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 18:56 | 4977747 Bossman1967
Bossman1967's picture

surely god has nothing to do with this

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 18:16 | 4978098 umdesch4
umdesch4's picture

Who's tax dollars are going to pay for that?

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 19:35 | 4978348 Tarshatha
Tarshatha's picture

"It's easier to just throw them all in jail and let god sort them out in 100 years."

 

"Jail them" ?

 

Kill them all, God will know his own. 


Sat, 07/19/2014 - 15:22 | 4977638 q99x2
q99x2's picture

People with hair on their backs don't have good relations no matter where they live.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 16:13 | 4977778 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

That must explain the American divorce rate.

I am Chumbawamba.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 17:07 | 4977916 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Don't you be making fun of the first lady,  er..., wookie.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 15:23 | 4977639 Duffy Duck
Duffy Duck's picture

"Every time anyone says that Israel is our only friend in the Middle East, I can't help but think that before Israel, we had no enemies in the Middle East. ...

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 15:49 | 4977696 sessinpo
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 Duffy Duck   "Every time anyone says that Israel is our only friend in the Middle East, I can't help but think that before Israel, we had no enemies in the Middle East. ...

---

So explain:

Sept. 16, New York City: TNT bomb planted in unattended horse-drawn wagon exploded on Wall Street opposite House of  killing 35 people and injuring hundreds more. Bolshevist (democrat Muslims) or anarchist terrorists believed responsible, but crime never solved.

Islam has a thousand year + history of trying to expand and dominate the world going back to the Christian Crusades and probably before. It is not different then any other government doing the same such as Germany, Britain and even the US.

 


Sat, 07/19/2014 - 16:10 | 4977763 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

I'd like to know who the "leader" is of this Islam that is trying to expand and dominate the world.  Where is this leadership located?  Can you point out where Islam is on the globe?

I am Chumbawamba.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 16:37 | 4977842 john39
john39's picture

first name bibi... last name starts with an N. 

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 16:27 | 4977814 potato
potato's picture

proportionality and group punishment.

let's not ascribe to and punish a group of people for the actions of the few. let's not confuse an isolated act of violence with a national invasion. i'm sure you would agree with these points.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 18:18 | 4978104 umdesch4
umdesch4's picture

Somebody blew up something on Wall Street, and you have a problem with this? You're on the wrong site...

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 18:53 | 4978223 nailgunnin4you
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Islam has a thousand year + history of trying to expand and dominate the world going back to the Christian Crusades and probably before.

 

Ummm, you are aware the crusades were a series of Christian campaigns waged on the muslim world right? It's rather queer of you to mention the crusades seeing as they are the quintessential refutation of your idiotic assertion. 

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 21:36 | 4978677 InTheLandOfTheBlind
InTheLandOfTheBlind's picture

Quit using italics so I can down vote your stupidity.   Catholics would have been a better word...  Remember byzantine?  

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 23:20 | 4978941 Kawaii Empress ...
Kawaii Empress Natalia Poklonskaya's picture

That is Orthodox, Rome is catholics.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 19:57 | 4978370 earleflorida
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"Israel in the Soviet Mirror: 1958" (Appendix II)     ---Select & Quoted excerpts:

"After an interval of almost thirty years (~1928), a book on Palestine (Israel) has been published in Moscow, in the autumn of 1958 (*Israel Post, Nov. 28,1958 -- K. Ivanov and Z. Sheinis). The situation in Israel is described in this book, as well as other recent Soviet essays and broadcasts, in terms of a conflict between American (Standard Oil) and British (Shell) oil companies. Whereas Weizmann followed followed the lead given by Dererding, Ben-Gurion has now joined Rockefeller's empire. Dealing at considerable length with American capital investments in Israel, Soviet authors find it somewhat difficult to provide a satisfactory explanation of the political implications, for Israel is hardly a very profitable source of income for the American monopolistic trusts.                              Of more interest than these attempts at economic analysis is the effort made to refute Zionism, and in particular left-wing Zionism, on the ideological level. It is argued, in one of the longest chapters of the Ivanov-Sheinis book (About a Certain False Contention), that the Jewish problem can be solved only by assimilation in a socialist state free of anti-Semitism. The Jews are not a single nation; even the Jews in Israel do not act as if they were one. On the authority of Mr. Alfred Lilienthal, of the American Council of Judaism (What Price Israel), the Soviet authors ridicule the idea that there is any more affinity in physical features, language, customs, psychology, etc., between Jews coming from various parts of the world than there is between Spaniards and Slavs. "

"This, however is a false dilemma, according to Ivanov and Sheinis, for the attitude of a genuine democrat and Marxist toward national movements depends entirely on the concrete conditions that actually exist in the struggle for liberation of the people of the Arab East and the world as a whole. Marxist, as distinct from bourgeois nationalists, do not regard each national question as being self-sufficient, or as the main, or basic problem of the time. Some national movements are 'objectively progressive,' others are objectively reactionary.' Ivanov and Sheinis quote Lenin to substantiate their assertion that liberation of some of the large peoples must be placed above the liberation movement of small nations, and that the whole problem must be considered not in isolation, but in a global context. Marx and Engels in 1948 'directly and definitely distinguished between entire reactionary peoples serving as Russian advance posts in Europe, and the revolutionary peoples, such as the Germans, Poles, and Hungarians. In 1948, the revolutionary peoples fought for freedom, whose major foe was then Tsarism, while the Czechs and others like them were indeed reactionary peoples and the advance posts of Tsarism.' With this,, the authors think, they have provided the necessary ideological justification needed in 1958."

End Quoted excerpts       Pgs. 350-1  C.1959  by Walter Z. Laqueur   "The Soviet Union and the Middle East"

Note: Laqueur is / was perhaps the leading authority on the Soviet Union, ME, Etc., Etc., throughout the entire 1950s to the 2001 millennium and beyond!   jmo

Ref: "Reporters talk about Sykes-Picot of 1916 ( an ignore the Balfour Declaration of 1917)"   6/29/14             http://mondoweiss.net/2014/06/reporters-balfour-declaration.html/comment-page-1       

Sun, 07/20/2014 - 08:39 | 4979316 DanDaley
DanDaley's picture

...between American (Standard Oil) and British (Shell) oil companies

Hey, Shell is Dutch.

 

Marx and Engels in 1948 'directly and definitely distinguished...

In 1948, those two be dead!

 

Too many basic errors to give creedence.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 19:46 | 4978382 bombdog
bombdog's picture

"So explain: Sept. 16, New York City: TNT bomb planted.... but crime never solved."

Didn't know we could solve unsolved crimes on Zerohedge. Send us the case files and we'll get back to you.

"Islam has a thousand year + history of trying to expand and dominate the world going back to the Christian Crusades"

Another enigma for sure!

Sun, 07/20/2014 - 02:53 | 4979115 litemine
litemine's picture

So you are saying someone new what Bankers were doing....and tried to Kill some of them? Seems many on the Internet want to do that as well, do you have  contact in which many could join?. By the way, goldman, Saks, etc....what religion are they? 

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 15:25 | 4977645 chunga
chunga's picture

Irag has a Happy Face for the US?

WTF is this?

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 15:28 | 4977650 kowalli
kowalli's picture

You need to change good for bad and all ok=)

PS 50% - total BS

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 15:51 | 4977721 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

And Egypt and Israel are friends, and Iran and Iraq too?

I suppose if we keep giving Egypt Billions of taxpayer dollars (to a military dictatorship) they'll keep saying they are Israel's "friend".

What that chart shows is that the Middle East is one big mess we should have never gotten involved in.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 16:06 | 4977752 Bossman1967
Bossman1967's picture

They are still using our funny money when that changes they will be our enemy

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 15:28 | 4977648 Platinum
Platinum's picture

ISIS managed to displace Israel as most hateful/hated, but it seems like Israel is determined to take the psycho trophy back. Germany may have won the World Cup, but Israel is determined to win the Psycho Blood Bowl.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 15:34 | 4977677 sessinpo
sessinpo's picture

Platinum   ISIS managed to displace Israel as most hateful/hated, but it seems like Israel is determined to take the psycho trophy back. Germany may have won the World Cup, but Israel is determined to win the Psycho Blood Bowl.

---

You left out Al Quacko. Back to chart reading 101 for you.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 15:45 | 4977704 Platinum
Platinum's picture

Actually, I just consider them to be a part of the United States, therefore it's between ISIS and Israel.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 15:57 | 4977734 Let them eat iPads
Let them eat iPads's picture

Al Qaeda was created by Reagan so yes, they are technically part of the USA.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 21:38 | 4978687 InTheLandOfTheBlind
InTheLandOfTheBlind's picture

Brehsinski or however it is spelled was carter you nitwit

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 21:43 | 4978688 InTheLandOfTheBlind
InTheLandOfTheBlind's picture

Duplicate

Sun, 07/20/2014 - 10:12 | 4979512 R-502
R-502's picture

So, Reagan opens his Quran and says " I know, we should fund a terrorist group to attack us" that is the most ignorant revisionist shit I've ever hear. Not defending Reagan he did plenty, but really, stick to the real world  :P

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 16:12 | 4977772 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

You mean Isisrael?

I am Chumbawamba.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 16:38 | 4977847 john39
john39's picture

Isis Ra El = Israel.   secrets hidden in plain sight.

Sat, 07/19/2014 - 18:56 | 4978230 nailgunnin4you
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The illjewminati.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!