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Goldman Managing Director Found Dead In Apparent Kite Surfing Accident

Tyler Durden's picture


Police are still investigating the tragic death of 39-year-old Goldman Sachs Managing Director Nicholas Valtz this weekend. As Bloomberg reports, Valtz, a "novice kiteboarder," was found dead yesterday by family members who went searching for him after he didn’t return from a kiteboarding outing. While there is no accusation of suicide in this case, it sadly brings the number of young financial services executives deaths to 16 this year.


As Bloomberg reports,

Nicholas Valtz, a managing director in cross-asset sales at Goldman Sachs in New York, was found in Napeague Harbor off the coast of Long Island, according to the East Hampton police. Valtz, 39, was a “novice kiteboarder” and was found floating in the water secured to his kite, police said in a statement released yesterday. Other kite gear was found in a grassy area of the harbor, police said.

Valtz, who joined Goldman Sachs in 2000, was promoted to managing director in 2010. His wife, Sashi Valtz, also works at Goldman Sachs as head of global third-party research sales, according to her LinkedIn profile.

Police are still investigating the death, according to the statement.


In March 2008, Valtz shaved his head to raise money for childhood cancer research, according to the website for St. Baldrick’s Foundation. Valtz enjoyed technology products and fast cars, according to the website for his brother-in-law’s 2012 wedding in which he was a groomsman.

*  *  *

This is the 15th financial services exective death in recent months...

1 - William Broeksmit, 58-year-old former senior executive at Deutsche Bank AG, was found dead in his home after an apparent suicide in South Kensington in central London, on January 26th.

2 - Karl Slym, 51 year old Tata Motors managing director Karl Slym, was found dead on the fourth floor of the Shangri-La hotel in Bangkok on January 27th.

3 - Gabriel Magee, a 39-year-old JP Morgan employee, died after falling from the roof of the JP Morgan European headquarters in London on January 27th.

4 - Mike Dueker, 50-year-old chief economist of a US investment bank was found dead close to the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in Washington State.

5 - Richard Talley, the 57 year old founder of American Title Services in Centennial, Colorado, was found dead earlier this month after apparently shooting himself with a nail gun.

6 - Tim Dickenson, a U.K.-based communications director at Swiss Re AG, also died last month, however the circumstances surrounding his death are still unknown.

7 - Ryan Henry Crane, a 37 year old executive at JP Morgan died in an alleged suicide just a few weeks ago.  No details have been released about his death aside from this small obituary announcement at the Stamford Daily Voice.

8 - Li Junjie, 33-year-old banker in Hong Kong jumped from the JP Morgan HQ in Hong Kong this week.

9 - James Stuart Jr, Former National Bank of Commerce CEO, found dead in Scottsdale, Ariz., the morning of Feb. 19. A family spokesman did not say whatcaused the death

10 - Edmund (Eddie) Reilly, 47, a trader at Midtown’s Vertical Group, commited suicide by jumping in front of LIRR train

11 - Kenneth Bellando, 28, a trader at Levy Capital, formerly investment banking analyst at JPMorgan, jumped to his death from his 6th floor East Side apartment.

12 - Jan Peter Schmittmann, 57, the former CEO of Dutch bank ABN Amro found dead at home near Amsterdam with wife and daughter.

13 - Li Jianhua, 49, the director of China's Banking Regulatory Commission died of a sudden heart attack

14 - Lydia _____, 52 - jumped to her suicide from the 14th floor of Bred-Banque Populaire in Paris

15 - Julian Knott, 45 - killed wife and self with a shotgun in Jefferson Township, New Jersey

16 - Nicholas Valtz, 39 - killed in apparent kiteboarding accident in Nepaugue Harbor, Long Island.


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Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:03 | 4984184 kowalli
kowalli's picture


Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:06 | 4984196 lordylord
lordylord's picture


Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:07 | 4984208 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Yes he was.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:10 | 4984219 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

THE SQUID got him!

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:12 | 4984233 cifo
cifo's picture

As they say, he died doing what he liked.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:14 | 4984243 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

...swimmin' with the fishes.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:19 | 4984271 SumTing Wong
SumTing Wong's picture

Am I the only heartless bastard that hears Queen in the background? 

"and another one gone, and another one gone...another one bites the dust"

We ready for a bankster dead pool around here? How long before Blythe gets it?

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:21 | 4984283 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

"tragic" is not the word that comes to my mind.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:30 | 4984333 PT
PT's picture

Shit!  That was quick.  It seems only a minute ago I was blabbering away and said


Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:31 | 4984345 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture

ZH Must Be The LAST PLACE This Guy Would Have Wanted His Mug To Appear...

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:45 | 4984401 knukles
knukles's picture

Why am I smiling?  Was it something I read? 

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:11 | 4984518 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

Well, at least they're getting more creative in their suicide efforts.

I mean, jumping off buildings is so 1929, and the family murder/suicide thing is a little over the top.

The nail gun was a nice touch, a little questionable, but its keeping us glued to the screen.

I wonder what the insurance payout to the company will be on this one.

And, they spared the wife on this one, must still find her useful.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:40 | 4984645 espirit
espirit's picture

Got to be a way to start a lottery on this action.

(might speed things up a bit)

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 17:18 | 4985289 0b1knob
0b1knob's picture

Let's pool our money and buy Jon Corzine a kite surfing board and a nail gun for Christmas.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:53 | 4984714 Theosebes Goodfellow
Theosebes Goodfellow's picture

My thoughts exactly, Pure. Kiteboard, eh? Hell, and I thought a nail gun was creative.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 15:43 | 4984901 Escrava Isaura
Escrava Isaura's picture

" sadly brings the number of young financial services executives deaths to 16 this year"

NO! It's NOT.



Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:55 | 4984726 Amish Hacker
Amish Hacker's picture

The beauty of a watery death, as a method of murder, is that no one can say whether he slipped, hit his head on the board and drowned, or or if one of Goldman's Lucca Brazzis hit him on the head and held him underwater. Likewise with that other, amazingly frequent, murder technique, forcible defenestration from tall buildings. Did he jump? Was he pushed? No way to tell from the body lying on the sidewalk.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 15:26 | 4984842 Never One Roach
Never One Roach's picture

I wonder if GS has "Key Man" life insurance on its execs like many Big Corps do... i mean with an "accidental death" and Double Indemnity Clause...who knows how much a corp can get? My brother's company has a $1 million one on him.


"Double indemnity is a clause or provision in a life insurance or accident policy whereby the company agrees to pay the stated multiple (i.e., double) of the face amount in the contract in cases of death caused by accidental means. This includes murder by a person other than, and not in collusion with, the beneficiary of the insurance policy, and most accidental deaths."



Mon, 07/21/2014 - 16:37 | 4985124 August
August's picture

Got Hunter Biden's smile....

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 17:26 | 4985322 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

Damn. It used to be concrete shoes. Now it's concrete kiteboards?

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:32 | 4984346 Anusocracy
Anusocracy's picture

Fifteen down, thousands to go.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 15:19 | 4984822 QEternity
QEternity's picture

Lets give to the greater good

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:35 | 4984364 PT
PT's picture

Anyone else want to have a turn?




Hmmm, that isn't the nice little boy that mummy taught me to be.  Perhaps I've spent too much time here.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:33 | 4984336 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture


Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:24 | 4984304 john39
john39's picture

did he want out? say the wrong thing? or simply know to much...  the the latter, how many more fall into that catagory?

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 15:55 | 4984959 Took Red Pill
Took Red Pill's picture

maybe he was high as a kite

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 18:25 | 4985510 logicalman
logicalman's picture

Based on his hairdo, he was after Lloyd's job.

Could explain a lot.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:31 | 4984341 boattrash
boattrash's picture

Sum Ting Wong, no, you are not.

"While there is no accusation of suicide in this case, it sadly brings the number of young financial services executives deaths to 16 this year".

The sad part, are the low numbers.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:19 | 4984279 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture


Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:53 | 4984716 flacon
flacon's picture

Gold men's scrotums. 

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:22 | 4984257 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture


Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:25 | 4984284 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

What's that, screwing over a Muppet? Or maybe kicking a puppy?

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:10 | 4984221 Leonardo Fibonacci2
Leonardo Fibonacci2's picture

Nail guns were sold out at Home Depot......

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:26 | 4984583 Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture

It was dem dere Rooskies what shot 'im down whiles he wuz in dat kite thingy, I tells ya! Dey got dem dere Buktoof antee-aereoplayne nailgunz all over da place - seen it on da teevee, I did! An i heared dat Bush soled 'em to the Rooskies inna first playce!

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:04 | 4984187 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

You do NOT kitesurf alone. ESPECIALLY if you are a novice.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:27 | 4984323 icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

double especiallly if you're not good with a nailgun either

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:37 | 4984367 813kml
813kml's picture

I hope he got chomped by a hammerhead shark to keep with the theme.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 15:00 | 4984743 Amish Hacker
Amish Hacker's picture

Then, thematically, he should get chomped by a giant squid.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:33 | 4984355 Moe Hamhead
Moe Hamhead's picture

Hmmm, like Fredo in The Godfather!

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:39 | 4984381 LasVegasDave
Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:35 | 4984363 boattrash
boattrash's picture

True, alien, John Kerry should have gone with him.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:12 | 4984420 knukles
knukles's picture

Dear Leader's Reptilian Shapeshifitng Palziewalzie.
Ever noticed how much his face morphs from photo to photo
Gets sent to Egypt to straighten out the Gaza thingamajigglies.
Spends time in the "crypt" in the King's Chamer rejuvinating.


"No point mentioning those bats, I thought. The poor bastard will see them soon enough."
     - The Good Doctor

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 15:26 | 4984840 Alea Iactaest
Alea Iactaest's picture



I really would like to read whatever Taibbi and Hunter S. could have put together. Maybe add a little George Carlin on the side. John Stewart and Stephen Colbert would be taking notes.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 18:48 | 4985588 knukles
knukles's picture

Oh my... Tiabbi and the Good Doctor together....
One could only imagine...

Perhaps a great wish for another go around....

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:42 | 4984389 ebear
ebear's picture

One does not simply kitesurf into Mordor.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:53 | 4984422 knukles
knukles's picture




Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics
        (guess who)

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:51 | 4984430 petolo
petolo's picture

If you work for Goldman and are a novice kiker please go alone.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:36 | 4984630 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

The Man Who Knew A Lot, now demoted to The Man Who Tells No Tales.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 19:51 | 4985837 overmedicatedun...
overmedicatedundersexed's picture

 No Iq :"You do NOT kitesurf alone. ESPECIALLY if you are a novice." he was not alone, the hit team was there too. just as you do not fly a plane full of tourists thru a war zone by chance, you do it as ordered. this was ordered.

Tue, 07/22/2014 - 12:18 | 4988354 PT
PT's picture

alien-IQ re "You do not kitesurf alone ..." :

unless you have a really big ego.


Dammit!  It would be so much simpler if I just agreed with you.
I still give your idea the better odds.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:04 | 4984189 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture


Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:18 | 4984264 onewayticket2
onewayticket2's picture

ZH doesnt seem to have seen this JPM software programmer.....

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:48 | 4984415 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

 <---banker scum

 <---innocent programer got nuttin to do with the real problem

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:06 | 4984201 pot_and_kettle
pot_and_kettle's picture

during the post-mortem, was the proctologist able to remove the nailgun?

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 16:16 | 4985055 DaddyO
DaddyO's picture

Nope, just a gerbil...


Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:07 | 4984203 NOZZLE
NOZZLE's picture

Good riddance and thank God that the focus is no longer on dead lawyer jokes, its nice not be the most hated profession anymore.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:14 | 4984245 813kml
813kml's picture

I think you'll have to settle for a tie.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:18 | 4984270 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

With Realtors making it a three way tie.

What do you call 535 dead lawyers ?

A good start.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:24 | 4984305 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

Realtors stink....except for the tiny 1st-grade-teacher-turned-realtor down the street who wears the ultra short mini skirts and tight blouses trying to sell me a house every week.


Some day [when prices correct] I might buy one from her.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:48 | 4984689 NOZZLE
NOZZLE's picture

Ultra short and ultra tight, 

Far as lawyers go after having been one for 23 years with few exceptions they all suck, dumbest worst pieces of shit I have ever come across in my life.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:59 | 4984477 whirling tword ...
whirling tword freedom's picture

Well, if his death was an, "on purpose" then, it's someone "fixing" something.... So, there should be no joy here.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:53 | 4984538 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

What is an Investment Banker?

Either a banker who sucks at math or a lawyer who can't win in a court room.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:08 | 4984204 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Did they find a nail gun with his gear?

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:09 | 4984218 kowalli
kowalli's picture

or some Putins cutaways

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:13 | 4984238 ekm1
ekm1's picture

For as long as QE is not fully unwound, assassinations will proliferate, I fear.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:19 | 4984272 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Just wait until you see how many there are if it ever is unwound. These sporadic events will be nothing compared to what will happen when this shit falls apart.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:34 | 4984361 ekm1
ekm1's picture

QE will be fully unwound and further more another $10+ trillion will be extinguished, otherwise world drops USD

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:42 | 4984388 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

I think if they extinguish 10+ trillion the usd gets extinguished anyway. 

The black swan is the status quo.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:14 | 4984247 GolfHatesMe
GolfHatesMe's picture

Nail gun still in his hand

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:08 | 4984214 freeasabee1
freeasabee1's picture

elites are starting to panic, this is a good sign.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:15 | 4984251 angel_of_joy
angel_of_joy's picture

Thart's what I would call a good start of the week !

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:10 | 4984222 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Killed flying a kite? Damn, banksterin ain't easy!

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:11 | 4984224 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

Kite Surfing should be the new Golden Parachute of these tards!

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:51 | 4984432 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

Golden surfboard?

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:12 | 4984231 Conax
Conax's picture

How'd his pockets get filled with rocks, eh?

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:15 | 4984244 dracos_ghost
dracos_ghost's picture

At what number do we scream Yahtzi!!!!!

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:15 | 4984249 alexcojones
alexcojones's picture

As a Alaska commercial fisherman most summers, we are more likely to die or get injured while -

Recreating, playing, DUI, but not while working.

Probably the same here.

Now nail guns: never mess with one of those. Always opt for the AK-47. Less dangerous

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:14 | 4984250 XitSam
XitSam's picture

"... 16 this year."

So how many during other years?  It may, in fact, be a slow year for banker deaths. 

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:16 | 4984255 MASTER OF UNIVERSE

US NAVY Dolfin TEAM #6 did it IMHO.

Good boy, Flipper!

Extra fish for you tonight!

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:16 | 4984256 nink
nink's picture

At least they are getting innovative then just jumping of a roof. Nail guns, absailing, falling on knives multiple times ... 

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:17 | 4984261 GrinandBearit
GrinandBearit's picture

If I worked for a major bank and had a middle to higher level position, I'd leave the country.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:17 | 4984262 Spitzer
Spitzer's picture


Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:19 | 4984269 youngman
youngman's picture

I tried to learn that too...I hit the more for me...

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:20 | 4984273 Dubaibanker
Dubaibanker's picture

Though reported at ZH on 26 June, 2014, this banker has been missed in the above list of dead / suicided / murdered bankers, and I think he must be truly included.

Albanian banker shot dead in Tirana - police

Even the CEO of Bank Frick was covered at ZH but is not included in the list above.

CEO of Liechtenstein's Bank Frick killed in car park: Swiss media


Please add them we dont miss any.......

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:19 | 4984278 Bunga Bunga
Bunga Bunga's picture

In the good old days the rule No 1 they learned on Wall St was"what goes up will come down." It's different this time.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:21 | 4984285 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

all dudes


what? no divots in finance?


how about some equal rights??

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:21 | 4984288 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

It is not hard to get seriously hurt kiteboarding. All that would had to have happened is he misjudged the weather got hit with an unexpected wind blast that lifted him up and slammed back into the water with sufficient force knocking his ass out cold and then drowning afterwards.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:37 | 4984369 medium giraffe
medium giraffe's picture

+1 blame the weather.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:51 | 4984421 ebear
ebear's picture

I blame the Russians.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:53 | 4984447 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

Word is according to the State Department it was an unexpected wind blast from Putin's ass.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:21 | 4984289 SickDollar
SickDollar's picture
The Banking Industry Is a Criminal Enterprise Organization

Doug Haggman  has recently revealed the existence of a massive Wall Street surveillance grid conducted between an interlocked triumvirate of the NYPD, the CIA and the banks themselves. And just like the movie, The Firm, the surveillance grid is designed to eliminate all people who could pose a potential threat to bankster operations. Hagmann also revealed that the Senate has looked at financial “irregularities” of JP Morgan in a heavily censored report released in 2013. The cat is out of the bag. These murders represent damage control to keep the plot of a global financial meltdown being engineered by the banksters. Despite the cover-up, there is still enough evidence to conclude that a financial meltdown is in our near future.


the article:


Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:23 | 4984296 JRobby
JRobby's picture

Tying up loose ends.

You can't keep zip locks on everyone forever.


Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:24 | 4984306 Otto Zitte
Otto Zitte's picture

The Departed Insured

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:25 | 4984310 teslaberry
teslaberry's picture

i almost went kiteboarding, i got a bad eye infection the day i was scheduled for a training session with a teacher. 


i think fate was telling me something.  kiteboarding is hugely popular in tel aviv and israel. lots of young folks on the beach in dedicated areas with plenty of beautiful huge kites flying around. 


it definitely looks dangerous . but fun!

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:35 | 4984362 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

Extreme work environments, places to live etc. the people tend to play hard also.

Little personal ancedote. I was in Manhattan a couple of weeks ago to go see a concert and visit a friend. I walked into a local bar by myself to prime the pump before going into the show while waiting on my friend to get off work, every suit and tie wall street type couldn't finish their drinks and close out their tabs to get the fuck out of there fast enough once I walked in. They know what is up..... The paranoia and fear will do more of them in than anything else.


Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:43 | 4984390 Mi Naem
Mi Naem's picture

"...couldn't finish their drinks and close out their tabs to get the fuck out of there fast enough once I walked in."

Sorry Dewey, but unless you're Sasquatch, I'm not understanding what they saw to prompt their hasty departure. 

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:04 | 4984438 Dewey Cheatum Howe
Dewey Cheatum Howe's picture

When people have been fundamentally rengineered by the hope and change virus it is fairly easy to stick out like a sore thumb when you ain't been infected by it. Remember we are terrists and raciss for starters according to the social engineers.

They are only reacting in the natural manner they are programmed to react in a police state which NYC is leading the way. Safety over freedom requires a fearful populace to sacrfice freedom for safety. A police state can't exist without fear as a reason to implement safety to take away freedoms.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 21:35 | 4986217 optioneer
optioneer's picture

So what you're saying is, you ARE a Sasquatch.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:56 | 4984454 freedogger
freedogger's picture

Yeah a lot of accidents happen when learning to kiteboard. Once you get decent at it it is pretty safe. Lessons and a safe location are a must when starting out. Safe location means nothing nasty (fences, trees, cliffs, parked cars etc) to bounce off of when you get dragged somewhere you didn't mean to go. Also, spending a lot of time on land learning to fly a small trainer kite is a good idea. 

Me, I prefer windsurfing but most of my friends have switched to kiting.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:31 | 4984344 SanfordandSon
SanfordandSon's picture

What if all these deaths are a plot cooked up by a spin off from Occupy Wall Street?  Maybe they're calling themselves D-Occupy Wall Street - "making 'em pay one way or another"? 

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 16:17 | 4985056 Perfecthedge
Perfecthedge's picture

Where can I apply? Want to get into the fun!

Did someone of you see the movie THE EAST? Nice topic.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:34 | 4984349 reader2010
reader2010's picture

Karma is a bitch! 

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:34 | 4984354 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

     I think Kite Boards  should be stocking stuffers for all of Goldmans management for Christmas 2014...

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 19:22 | 4985715 medium giraffe
medium giraffe's picture

I thought Goldman already had a Kike Board? Oh.... wait, my bad, sorry.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:38 | 4984358 tony wilson
tony wilson's picture

ladies and gentlemen sum silence for brad,chad whatever his name is.

a sad day indeed for masons literally everywhere.


Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:37 | 4984371 Mr Giggles
Mr Giggles's picture

Ah getting creative, I look forward to the first one found drowned in his foot spa.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:36 | 4984373 Salsipuedes
Salsipuedes's picture

If Sashi starts acting like she just won the lottery and then gets a promotion, we should be on track for 2015!

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:40 | 4984382 goldhedge
goldhedge's picture

Pass the Popcorn...

Nom nom nom...

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:47 | 4984410 Fuku Ben
Fuku Ben's picture

Saturnian sacrificial signal to empty the Gold (Goldman) vaults (Valtz)?

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:52 | 4984423 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Yes, he looks like a pseudo bald 39 year old moron.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:04 | 4984483 Fuku Ben
Fuku Ben's picture

His hair and American's rights have a lot in common

They were both willingly given up to help the children

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:50 | 4984429 youngman
youngman's picture

I hope he had sunscreen on that those scalp burns hurt..

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:54 | 4984450 Culling of the Weak
Culling of the Weak's picture

Loose lips sink corrupt central banksters.....

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 13:57 | 4984462 freedogger
freedogger's picture

I wonder what kind of insurance Goldman had on this guys head

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:02 | 4984493 22winmag
22winmag's picture

He knew too much... or too little?

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:05 | 4984500 e_goldstein
e_goldstein's picture

Bet he was confused when the "instructor" tied the rope around his neck.

Nice to see a dead squid for once, hope there are many more.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:04 | 4984501 Appalledlawyer
Appalledlawyer's picture

...and he won't be down on Wall Street in the morning...

In a New York minute, everything can a New York Minute...


I'm sorry for his family

but his profession may overtake Alaskan crab fishing as the most dangerous job in 'Merika

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:12 | 4984528 esum
esum's picture

eyewitnesses ???  you have to practice letting go of the bar..... o/w you can find yourself high in the air or slamming into something. sounds simple but goes against human nature in a panic situation... instinct is to hang on...

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:53 | 4984710 Comte d'herblay
Comte d&#039;herblay's picture

Sloopy was told as much many decades ago:

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:26 | 4984566 dspace
dspace's picture

Only time I've commented. I've been kiteboarding for 14 years and still instruct part time in one of the prime locations (Outer Banks, NC). As others have said there are plenty of ways to get hurt in this sport without proper training and precaution. One other comment: I've taught my fair share of the younger one percenters who gravitate to this sport, and quite often they tend to be cocky thinking they can master kiteboarding as quickly as they achieved financial success. Like many high level sports (and investing) humility, common sense, patience and perseverance are critical.  Not exactly the typical character traits of a Goldman director  

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:24 | 4984575 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

That is GREAT!!! I hope he broke his phucking neck. Everyone should send a banker a kiteboard!!! The more dead bankers the better.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 15:10 | 4984793 WTFx10
WTFx10's picture

Fuckin A, They tell us we have to hate the Muslims,the Palestinians,the Syrians, the Iranians, and now the Russians.

The only ones that truly deserve the hate are those fucking criminal bankers.

"The issue which has swept down the centuries and which will have to be fought sooner or later is the people versus the banks."
John Dalberg Lord Acton

The ONLY World War that needs to be fought.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 18:59 | 4985623 The_Prisoner
The_Prisoner's picture

That's too quick. I like to think he got tangled in his lines and drowned. Not that uncommon with kitesurfing noobs.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:31 | 4984608 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

It may have been a check kiting incident, being a banker and all....

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:35 | 4984619 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

No doubt Russian-backed Seperatists shot him down.  Moar sanctions!

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:34 | 4984624 Notsobadwlad
Notsobadwlad's picture

Who goes in an retouches all of the eyebrows on these people? Is this some sort of sick NSA joke?

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:42 | 4984659 Gringo Viejo
Gringo Viejo's picture

So...if I'm Goldman, I insure this guy's life for maybe 20 million through GEICO, collect, and as per previous understanding, kick 10 mill back to Warren.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 14:50 | 4984698 Comte d'herblay
Comte d&#039;herblay's picture

How can one call the death of anyone to do with Goldman Sucks and the rest of the jewish Mafia, "Tragic"????


One less G/S employee at any level who renders himself extinct thru risky behavior is the Universe trying desperately to make things a tiny smidge aright. 

There will  always be an England.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 15:07 | 4984780 pupdog1
pupdog1's picture

At least Newton's laws apply to this guy.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 15:46 | 4984920 ken
ken's picture

C'mon man, it should be obvious that these guys are assuming new identities, and checking out of the USA, and into somewhere else, Switzerland?

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 16:08 | 4985010 fuu
fuu's picture

Tragic? Nope.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 16:16 | 4985040 db51
db51's picture

and somewhere there is a rich trophy widow or Girlfriend needing some consolation.     FIRST!   Well, maybe I'll wait for any bankster bodily fluids to clear the system.    SECOND!


Mon, 07/21/2014 - 16:30 | 4985100 Perfecthedge
Perfecthedge's picture

Man, really? Death through kite surfing? This will take ages until we get rid of all of them....too slow.  There must be something else.

Maybe they could all fly in groups to Banking conferences in Kuala Lumpur and take Malaysian Airlines. 

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 16:30 | 4985102 Meat Hammer
Meat Hammer's picture

Kyke surfing?

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 21:47 | 4986261 cpzimmon
cpzimmon's picture

Someone shot his kite down with a nail gun.

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 22:38 | 4986447 tony bonn
tony bonn's picture

he was murdered....let's find out how much life insurance the squid had on him

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 23:47 | 4986606 jez
jez's picture

". . . it sadly brings the number of young financial services executives deaths to 16 this year."


But how many is that, seasonally adjusted?

Tue, 07/22/2014 - 02:41 | 4986899 hithere111
hithere111's picture

Satellite footage shows he was BUKd down by Long Islandian separatists.

Tue, 07/22/2014 - 09:41 | 4987513 Ghostdog
Ghostdog's picture

Sadly? Fuck him and the kite he flew in on

Tue, 07/22/2014 - 18:47 | 4990541 cudied_smoke
cudied_smoke's picture

anyone got a tissue?

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