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The Panic Containment Team Speaks: Ebola Poses "Little Risk" To The US, CDC Claims: Is It Wrong?

Tyler Durden's picture


In the aftermath of the news from the past week that at least two US citizens have been infected with the Ebola virus, a very unpleasant if nagging question has appeared: can the virus spread to the US? According to NBC, "the Ebola virus, which has infected two U.S. humanitarian workers in Liberia, is only a short plane ride from any city on Earth. But federal health officials say it’s not a big worry for most Americans."

Maybe it should be.

Recall that last week's Ebola stunner came when not only did an Ebola patient die from the disease in the world's 4th most populous city, Nigeria's Lagos, but when he was intercepted while at the airport: how many people he may have come in contact with is anyone's guess even if the government swears they have all been quarantined.

It’s the first time this virus has moved by jet, even though public health experts love to warn that any disease is just a flight away from anywhere with an airport.

Perhaps the fact that the CDC had to go out as far as making an official statement for the record shows just how increasingly worried Americans are. According to the Centers for Disease Control, "Ebola poses little risk to the U.S. general population,” Stephan Monroe of CDC’s National Center for Emerging & Zoonotic Infectious Diseases told reporters in a conference call. It’s because you have to be in direct contact with someone who is ill to become infected.

“Transmission is through direct contact with the bodily fluids of an infected person,” Monroe said. That includes vomit, blood or diarrhea. “Individuals who are not symptomatic are not contagious,” he said.

The incubation period can last for as long as 21 days, meaning it can take 21 days for someone to develop symptoms after being in contact with an infected person. So in theory, someone could be infected and get on a plane to travel to the U.S. before he or she got sick. But the odds of this are low.


There’s no need to control travel in and out of the U.S. CDC says. It has quarantine stations in major airports and agents can forcibly isolate or quarantine people with symptoms of Ebola and other diseases such as cholera, tuberculosis, plague or bird flu.

How does the CDC hope to contain the potential threat? Apparently so far the first and only line of defense is... interrogation? Careful questioning can usually rule out a disease such as Ebola. In this case, it would be asking people if they’ve been to West Africa in recent weeks or in close contact with someone who had been and who was ill. One wonders how honest potential carriers would be if they knew the rest of their short lives could be spent under CDC quarantine.

"U.S. health experts pulled this off with MERS -- the Middle East Respiratory Syndrome virus, which was carried into the country twice by travelers, both of whom recovered fully without infecting anybody else."

And another denial:

“The likelihood of this spreading out of West Africa is very low,” Monroe said. While it’s possible someone ill could get on a plane, they couldn’t spread the virus to someone who just happened to be sitting nearby. “It is very unlikely they would be able to spread disease to their fellow passengers,” Monroe said. CDC worries more about airborne viruses such as measles, which can spread silently.

And even more attempts to contain any possible panic:

“People are not infectious prior to becoming symptomatic,” he stressed. And once in the U.S., doctors should isolate a patient quickly. “We are fairly confident that the standard of care in the U.S. would prevent much of the transmission of the virus were to show up here,” Monroe said.


We do not anticipate this will spread in the US if an infected person is hospitalized here but we are taking action now by alerting healthcare workers in the US and reminding them how to isolate and test suspected patients while following strict infection control procedures.” CDC Director Dr. Tom Frieden added in a statement.

The CDC is correct about the infectious phase. The problem is that while Ebola symptoms are quite glaring, such as fever, throwing up, and general pain, only about half of all Ebola cases show the bleeding that so frightened people, and that’s only in very advanced cases. The rest of the symptoms can be confused for your garden variety flu.

Still, despite all assurances,  the CDC has issued a “level 2” alert, which cautions people in the affected region to avoid contact with anyone who seems infected. CDC also issued a health alert, a reminder to doctors in the U.S. "Ebola virus disease poses little risk to the U.S. general population at this time. However, U.S. healthcare workers are advised to be alert for signs and symptoms of Ebola virus disease in patients with compatible illness who have a recent (within 21 days) travel history to countries where the outbreak is occurring, and should consider isolation of those patients meeting these criteria, pending diagnostic testing," it reads.

Bloomberg has some more details on the potential spread of the disease which has so far managed to spread beyond Africa only once, but as Bloomberg notes, "that doesn’t mean it can’t happen now, infectious disease experts warn."

The symptoms appear from two days to three weeks after infection, meaning it’s possible for an infected person who doesn’t feel ill to board a plane, said Ben Neuman, a virologist at the University of Reading in the U.K. Since Ebola in its earliest stages can resemble nothing more than flu, no one else would know either, he said.


The symptoms appear from two days to three weeks after infection, meaning it’s possible for an infected person who doesn’t feel ill to board a plane, said Ben Neuman, a virologist at the University of Reading in the U.K. Since Ebola in its earliest stages can resemble nothing more than flu, no one else would know either, he said.


“One person per plane load would have something that you would possibly call flu-like symptoms,” Neuman said in a telephone interview. “Do you want to detain all those people coming into your airport? Do you have the manpower to do that, and send them all for testing? It’s expensive, and difficult.”


The question of trans-continent infection became more key this week after Patrick Sawyer, a Liberian government worker who took a July 20 flight to Lagos, Nigeria, died from Ebola five days later. His death gave Africa’s most populous nation its first case, a frightening hint at how global air travel may enable the spread of disease.


“We’ve known it’s a risk ever since the beginning of the Ebola outbreak, and now it’s finally happened,” Neuman said. “He could have gone anywhere on this flight.”

The 1994 case:

Fruit bats are thought to be the natural host of Ebola virus, according to the WHO. Monkeys, chimpanzees, gorillas, porcupines and forest antelope can also be infected, and human outbreaks can begin when people eat the meat of infected animals, according to the WHO.


The only case in which an Ebola victim was known to be taken out of Africa by aircraft came in 1994, when a 34-year-old Swiss zoologist became infected with the virus while performing an autopsy on a chimpanzee in Ivory Coast.


Eight days later, she developed chills, then diarrhea, an all-body rash, temporary memory loss and was flown to Switzerland by air ambulance for treatment, accompanied by health workers wearing masks, gloves and gowns. She recovered without infecting anyone else.


The Ebola outbreak is expected to go on for some time and will be difficult to stop as it can easily “re-ignite” from even one case, the CDC’s Monroe said. Even if there are no new cases, it would be 42 days before health workers would be sure the outbreak was over.

But the biggest smoking gun, and perhaps the reason why 2014 may be the new 1994, is this:


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Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:21 | 5016992 BiteMeBO
BiteMeBO's picture

Obamao will stop it at the border.  

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:23 | 5016999 espirit
espirit's picture

I'd pay for a one way ticket to see the Washington Monument.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:31 | 5017005 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



Just get away from the damn right now. If I claim to be an you suppose Canada will take me?


Give us you tired huddled masses and pestilence.....please.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:33 | 5017033 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Well that does it

We're all gonna die from ebola now


Does Obamacare cover mass funeral fire costs?

Oh wait... That would add to fucking global warming.

but we need it cause this summer is so cold.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:44 | 5017050 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



I imagine ISIS is recruiting suicide barfers. Barry will buy plane tickets for the moderate ones, only. And probably the children, too. They are very good at barfing.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:43 | 5017067 flacon
flacon's picture

Epidemics are always an excuse for MORE GOVERNMENT and LESS FREEDOM. 

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:56 | 5017104 knukles
knukles's picture

Plus, we're exceptional


PS  Question:  Is this the same perceptions management panic containment team that does the finagling in stocks?

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:01 | 5017132 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

if you want it to be... yes... it's all under control...


Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:20 | 5017206 Davalicious
Davalicious's picture

The Mexicans will scoot back home and play with their Obama phones till the epidemic passes. No use having free health care only to bleed out of your eyes.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:23 | 5017218 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

“The crisis is all contained,” Bernanke told all the peeples…..nothing to worry about….



“It’s only a tiny leak,” the Japanese PM re-assured his peeples…nothing to worry about….

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:29 | 5017239 negative rates
negative rates's picture

If it's part of the Fed, it's wrong. Please, only one crisis at a time, were on overload here in DC, just at break time too, so we can raise money and tell everyone that everything is fine, when we know damn well it aint.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:55 | 5017243 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture




I doubt the CDC or the TSA or the NYPD would be able to spot or stop a suicide barfer.

-Officer, which subway gets me to Times Square?

-First, let me shake your hand and thank you for your service, soldier.  Are you sick, son? 

-No, sir, I just had too much to drink last night at the Yankees game.

-I understand.  Great game!   It is the gray "S" to 42nd Street.  It is the track on the right.   Enjoy the city!


The American who joined the Syrian rebels becomes the first known US suicide bomber

The man was identified as Moner Mohammad Abu Salha, a US citizen from Florida He went under a different name in Al-Nusra - Abu Hurayra Al-Amriki (Abu Hurayra the American).

Abu Hurayra was among four Al-Nusra men who carried out suicide bombings on army positions in Idlib province, northwestern Syria on May 25. Dozens were killed and wounded, though exact numbers of casualties are still unknown.

In the 17-minute video about ‘the life and death’ of Abu Hurayra, the 22-year-old American from Florida appears smiling and saying he looked forward to going to heaven.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 10:14 | 5017440 Manthong
Manthong's picture

What if patient zero is an indiscriminate and hyper-active gay flight attendant?   

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 10:23 | 5017490 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



Gay sex spreading a deadly African virus around the world?   Don't be ridiculous! 

It's not like gays shoot their body fluid into other men's mouths and assholes indiscriminately.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:24 | 5017839 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

That guy doesn't look like an Abdul Mohammed Akbar Sameer Jabar. More like Joe down at the local McDonalds.



Thu, 08/07/2014 - 08:34 | 5058103 Dollar Bill Hiccup
Dollar Bill Hiccup's picture

Bleeding and tearing of membranes which is most worrisome ...

So one of those acts seems more dangerous than the other.

So happy guys, you've got that goin for ya!

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:04 | 5017739 Four chan
Four chan's picture

fuck you religionists.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:29 | 5017869 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

At this point you can only hope there is no God.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:55 | 5018018 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

That is almost infinitesimal odds that there is NOT. A probability which is so close to zero may, for practical purposes, be considered zero.


Anything less tha 10-50 is considered by any COMPETENT ENGINEER as an absurdity BY DEFINITION.


I have demonstrated that by the Mathematics before on this site in the comments sections previously.


 He does not understand that the odds for a Chance Manifestation of the Physical Universe, which I have demonstrated before is 10-10123 He does not understand that is (10123 - 50) Orders of Magnitude greater than that of an Absurdity.


If it was not a Chance Manifestation then it was a Designed Manifestation which one must infer a Designer.


Of course this is from the EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE of the Physical Universe.


Anything else is mere speculation as there is no evidence for Infinite Universes, nor, can there ever be. By definition the Big Bang Event was a Singularity and any information outside of that event is unobservable because of the Event Horizon.


So it is pointless to talk with him rationally as he refuses to consider the most rational of the languages, Mathematics, and he lacks the understanding of the Physical Sciences.


I do not bet on long odds as that is a Sucker's Bet. But I am sure that the Casinos love him.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 12:11 | 5018092 Socratic Dog
Socratic Dog's picture


Tue, 07/29/2014 - 12:11 | 5018101 Socratic Dog
Socratic Dog's picture


Religionistas, please fuck off.  I prefer the trolls

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 12:30 | 5018170 Andre
Andre's picture

Grow a thicker skin.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 12:53 | 5018277 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Most prefer their own.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 14:02 | 5018661 EBT excepted
EBT excepted's picture

Everyone likes a little whiff of their own brand...

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 14:12 | 5018715 icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

There is nothing religious per se about the spiritual implications of physical evidence.

I personally find the Planck length to be quite remarkable, since that appears to be the resolution of our universe, and that the universe has a resolution at all is mind-blowing.


Tue, 07/29/2014 - 17:19 | 5019608 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

Isn't that cool? I used to trip and contemplate it while tripping.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 17:59 | 5019767 Loose Caboose
Loose Caboose's picture

Religion is nan's interpretation of god's mind.  As powerful as the human brain is, it is still woefully unequipped to understand the mind of god, the mind at the centre of creation.  It's like an ant trying to understand the internet.  Hopeless.  Religions have hijacked this idea of god and crafted it to suit their purposes over the centuries.  The real god is something undefinable, unreachable and unknowable.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 12:49 | 5018256 Monty Burns
Monty Burns's picture

You know something is true only when it's been officially denied.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 13:48 | 5018589 JeffB
JeffB's picture

Or the U.K. officials who ridiculed those who worried about Mad Cow disease, because "You can't get it from cows.".

Settle down and be reasonable. Nothing to worry about here.



Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:21 | 5017214 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

I imagine that in some universe somewhere the CDC would give an honest evaluation but this isn't that universe. Much as I dislike the Kenyan guy he doesn't have to tell them to lie. "We believe there is a real threat to the safety of America and everyone should be concerned" - just not gonna happen.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 10:46 | 5017623 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

This is threat we live under. The highly concentrated power vested in world governments and especially in world health organizations relies on people put in charge that are supposed to be the smartest of the human race, but this leveraging, especially when politics has entered the equation, can put us all at significant risk. Be it failed socialist paradigms or simple wishful thinking, a few at the very top can doom us all "with the stroke of a pen". It always seems that the smartest people create the greatest advances but also the greatest blunders. As the leveraged risks increase, all it takes is a few, or even one to end it all. These humanitarian efforts may possibly lead to this end.

But fuck it. Lets just book a bunch of chartered Malaysian Airlines excursion trips to Ebolaland and see what happens. There's bound to be a derivative for that, right?

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:30 | 5017245 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Yet, they are also great opportunities for a mass culling.

For instance, say you have an indigenous population that is growing restless with its current government and it's economy, lack of employment, lack of law and what have you. Say that same government has an uneducated agrarian replacement population waiting in the wings....

Oh....never mind. That's just crazy talk.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:43 | 5017068 Bad Attitude
Bad Attitude's picture

I'm glad the CDC has assured us there is little risk for those of us in the US. But, this assurance comes from the regime that lies about everything.

Forward (over the cliff)!

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:00 | 5017706 XitSam
XitSam's picture

Government at all levels sees its number one job as to prevent "panic".  Go look at health or disaster planning sessions for the last 50 years. And look at their statements during a crisis, all "don't panic."

Why?  Because that's when government loses control.  And government is all about control.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 12:48 | 5018245 Pheonyte
Pheonyte's picture

Sheik Umar Khan just died:

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:45 | 5017076 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



Does Obamacare cover mass funeral fire costs?


Yeah....if you can afford the deductible.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:54 | 5017111 knukles
knukles's picture

Well they already got a billion or 2 of those cheesy disposable plastic coffins.
Be prepared!

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:06 | 5017151 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

Is it wrong?


We're from the government and we're here to help

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:51 | 5017992 Manthong
Manthong's picture

FEMA management job posting-  “Local and Regional Cart Masters”.. must be capable of calculating load weight and balance of two wheeled carts, able to walk long distances repetitiously clanging  a cowbell while loudly chanting “Bring out your dead.”.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 12:42 | 5018212 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

FEMA just put out a huge purchase order for these.

Scott Gas Mask (proto)

Kinda stylish? Wear one on the subway tomorrow. Might wake a few passengers....

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:33 | 5017251 General Decline
General Decline's picture

When I eventually get kicked off zerohedge for anti Semitic remarks, I'm coming back as "Suicide Barfer"

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:39 | 5017279 90's Child
90's Child's picture

It'll happen eventually as I've learned first hand.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:43 | 5017295 General Decline
General Decline's picture

And you were who?

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 10:28 | 5017522 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

He's Zero Hedge's resident Eugenicist.

He makes ol' Margaret look down right loving and warm.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 12:54 | 5018276 Monty Burns
Monty Burns's picture

Francis Sawyer?

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 12:56 | 5018295 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

No, he was a leading expert in the field of anti-Zionism.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 10:54 | 5017670 XitSam
XitSam's picture

"I imagine ISIS is recruiting suicide barfers."

And where are the "immigrants" being put?  Many are put on military bases in the US.  

Unintended consequences or following the plan?  Doesn't matter does it?

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:58 | 5018044 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

No, it is a great plan to wipe out the military so Obamabola's Military is all that's left.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:52 | 5017098 ShrNfr
ShrNfr's picture

However, dead people are a renewable resource.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:56 | 5017114 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

That's right!

Soylent Green is people!

So that's what this ebola pandemic is all about.

Solving the world hunger problem

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:49 | 5017330 exi1ed0ne
exi1ed0ne's picture

Most of the US population is hyped up on pharmaceuticals so no thank you.  Biodiesel for the scooter riding fatties on the other hand. . .

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:55 | 5017115 Tasty Sandwich
Tasty Sandwich's picture

If it's gonna be biological, then I hope it's faster than ebola.


And I saw a pale horse,

And a pale rider upon it,

And the name of the horse

was pestilence

And the name of the rider

was death


Not that I believe in god, but we do seem overdue for a pandemic.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:20 | 5017205 Frostfan1
Frostfan1's picture

Don't worry headbanger.  There will still be plenty of articles abou how this was the warmest or fourth or fifth warmest summer ever.   It could be snowing in Dallas and there will still be an article about how this was one of the warmest summers ever thanks to climate change.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:19 | 5017186 loonyleft
loonyleft's picture

GetZeeGold If I claim to be an you suppose Canada will take me?


short long answer...definitely not.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:38 | 5017052 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture



Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:42 | 5017060 Sizzurp
Sizzurp's picture

CDC says US docs should be on the lookout for patients returning from western Africa.  Really?? Are you effing kidding me??  When are we going to cancel inbound flights from these places?  After it's already here I suppose.  CDC must be a bunch of morons.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:01 | 5017134 Kinskian
Kinskian's picture
The Ebola victim who sparked fears of a worldwide outbreak was American: Father who died of incurable virus in Nigeria after taking international flight was going to visit his children in Minnesota

It has been revealed that the Ebola victim who sparked fears of a global outbreak is a US citizen

Patrick Sawyer, 40, died of the deadly virus in Lagos, Nigeria, on Friday

His wife back in Coon Rapids, Minnesota, has revealed he was due home in August

Decontee Sawyer, 34, said her husband caught the virus from his sister in Liberia
The couple are originally from Liberia and have family in the US and West Africa

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:19 | 5017201 knukles
knukles's picture

Now tell me this ain't all serendipitous.

A black guy from Coon Rapids.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:39 | 5017278 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

...and how did you pass on DE-CON-tee.

They make it so obvious.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:42 | 5017291 Big Brother
Big Brother's picture

I used to live in Coon Rapids.  They're migrating north from Brooklyn Center and Brooklyn Park.  But I think they stop there.  Coon Rapids is mostly made up of 30-year old town homes and 30-60-year old ramblers.  So fairly affordable.  Ham Lake and Blaine are 90% McMansions, Full-on Mansions, and trailer parks; and very little public transportation services.

On side note, The International Institute of MN brokered 178 illegal immigrant children into MN last week too.


Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:46 | 5017302 corporatewhore
corporatewhore's picture

"What difference does it make?"

HRH  Hillary Clinton

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:28 | 5017858 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

“There’s no emergency yet,” the African Health Minister said, “since I haven’t caught the disease yet. Once I catch it, THEN it will become an emergency!”

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 15:35 | 5019170 still kicking
still kicking's picture

I didn't want to up arrow that comment, I really didn't, but I had to.  :(

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 12:59 | 5018309 Monty Burns
Monty Burns's picture

He wasn't 'American'.  He was an African handed an American passport. (Bit like that Nobel Peace Prize winner).

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:46 | 5017305 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Open borders for invaders are good.  The libtards and govt shills posting here think so. 

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:59 | 5017379 PGR88
PGR88's picture

Are you kidding - Obama is searching for some Ebola victims now, so he can bring them into the USA illegally.

Remember - exploit the contradictions in society and rub them raw.  Its how collectivists and community organizers operated.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 10:50 | 5017654 JohninMK
Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:11 | 5017776 Freddie
Freddie's picture

I hope this Ebola does not cut down the letters and emails I get offering me $20 million on a special bank deposit in London.  The people there always want to share the wealth from their dead father, uncle or realtive at an oil company, military, bank.  

I also like being addressed as Dearest Sir in all correspondence.

There was one guy who was a master screwing with Nigerian 419 scammers.

Here is one guy.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:22 | 5017827 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Freddie...those emails are spoofed and actually originate from Goldman Email servers.
I traced one back and the name of the forwarding server was "LowFruit".

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:30 | 5017877 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

Freddie, here's one for you:


"After Nigeria was  eliminated from the world cup the Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans who travelled to Brazil. He said he just needed their name, bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions."


Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:21 | 5016994 Gringo Viejo
Gringo Viejo's picture

I believe the CDC.
I also like to wipe my ass with wax paper.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:26 | 5017010 espirit
espirit's picture

CDC's protocol mishaps so soon forgotten?

Methinks they have a credibility problem to spout such nonsense.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:40 | 5017059 Da Yooper
Da Yooper's picture

Just remember boys & girls


The CDC talks


I am from the government




I am here to lie to youuuuuuuuuu

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:00 | 5017715 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

I believe the CDC.
I also like to wipe my ass with wax paper.


Money is the better choice. See below.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:21 | 5016996 PlusTic
PlusTic's picture

Hang around JFK airport and take the A train into Manhattan...make sure you touch every railing and then your face repeatedly...NO RISK AT ALL

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:20 | 5017211 Frostfan1
Frostfan1's picture

Actually, it's the E train.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 10:59 | 5017693 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

Wiping your bloody asshole with Money, and then spending it, will be quite more affective.


Hey buddy..Got change for a Stinkin' Lincoln?

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:01 | 5017722 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Spreading the wealth.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:17 | 5017800 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Makes the term "velocity of money" just a touch more uncomfortable.

I was working on Beale Street in Memphis for a time in my misspent youth.
There was an outbreak of HepC at that time. I was a doorman/bouncer that collected cover charges.
The local health "authorities" were interested in us. Had to be tested and educated in money handling hygiene. It was an eye opener. Spread by infected shared needles and "fecal matter from improper restroom hygiene". Nobody talks about shit like this anymore. Nobody wants to know the numbers of people with Hep and TB and God knows what that are out there now. I doubt many could stomach the results of a swab culture from their kids daycare. Ditto that for your local Hospital! Wait until little Rio Grande Pedro joins the daycare or enters your local emergency room. That's when the fun really starts. Scary stuff out there right now. More inbound.
Super thick nitrile gloves for me, thanks!

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:32 | 5017884 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Memphis and Lagos, Nigeria?  And exactly how are they different?  Oh Elvis was not from Lagos.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:35 | 5017904 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Ribs maybe. Other than that, I got nothing.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 13:03 | 5018337 Monty Burns
Monty Burns's picture

Lagos is safer?  Then maybe not.  We used to get - quite literally - an armed escort from the airport to downtown. (I'm talking about Lagos here).  Despite repeated warnings all five of us had our laptops stolen, as if by magic, within a week.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 13:28 | 5018447 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

I was about to say...
Because I was my own armed escort in Memphis. And your laptop wouldn't have last much longer there.
I had a Ford Taurus with factory sound in those days.
Someone broke the window and stole it.
I replaced it with the cheapest radio I could find at the Weet Memphis Walmart. I also left the door unlocked.
Someone broke in the window and stole that too.

I found the best solution.

I moved.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 12:54 | 5018283 QuietCorday
QuietCorday's picture

My mother worked in healthcare all her life, and she told me that one of the key public areas for contamination was supermarkets, particularly any loose fruit and veg areas where you self-select your produce.

Not only do you have people picking up the fruit and veg with their hands to root through it, discarding the ones they don't want, but you also get supermarket shop workers stocking up with their bare hands. Apparently, if you are an adult with no exposure to children or childrens' areas and you contract threadworm, you have most likely picked up the eggs from produce in a supermarket fruit and veg counter.

Also, it doesn't make much difference if you wash your hands after using the toilet in a public or workplace convenience (ie, one that isn't at your home) unless the tap and soap dispenser is automatic, and the door a swing door. It isn't your cleanliness you need to think about per se, it's other people's. It doesn't matter if you've washed your hands if the person who pushed the toilet door handle before you did not.

Due to this, at work, we have been told to turn taps on and off with paper towels and use paper towels to open doors.

Trains, by the way, are *horrendous*. 

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 13:00 | 5018318 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Daycares are Petri dishes of funk

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 13:28 | 5018446 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Full Goretex/Rubber suits for everybody!!!

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:23 | 5017000 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

I did not have sex with that Ebola bucket.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:33 | 5017031 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

The fact of that will be revealed in 2-21 days. Virus don't respect lies. The elite are, for once, without advantage.


Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:45 | 5017073 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Are you sure they don't have vaccines for all these nasty critters?

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:48 | 5017090 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Doubtful. This is a virus that can literally melt a body. Would you be willing to work with it to develop a vaccine in an animal model such as a primate that could attack you aggressively? That is some dedication. Passive immunity is their only hope and that is no guarantee.


Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:56 | 5017110 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

That would be sweet:  "Angry Baboons Dismember Dr. Mengele".  It's nice having someone who knows what they are talking about.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:43 | 5017293 corporatewhore
corporatewhore's picture

didn't the cdc recently close a level 4 biolab for incredible fuckups?  how long did they wait to take this action after the fuckups became known?

your government at work will take good care of you.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:27 | 5017855 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture


The "mishandled" material is now in the hands of the DHS. We are safe now.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:50 | 5017332 Freddie
Freddie's picture

....animal model such as a primate that could attack you aggressively?

Sounds like any city in America. Oakland, Philly, Baltimore, Atlanta, the list is almost endless.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 10:55 | 5017679 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

There will be Hundreds of Millions dead by Christmas.


Because of the influx of Chinese into Nigeria they will be bringing it to China.


I believe that is where, outside of Africa, that it appears next.


We may be screwups but they are worse. They are emerging from being a Third World Economy.


Happy Holidays?

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:12 | 5017772 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

That's a devious way to screw the Chinese, and get them out of Uncle Sam's Africa.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:29 | 5017867 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Bullish for Walmart Black Friday riots.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 13:08 | 5018357 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

Walmart now has an excuse for the forthcoming Q3 earnings revisions...

Walmart stores in Nigeria (and the rest of Africa) are under the Massmart label.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 15:40 | 5019195 still kicking
still kicking's picture

I kind of wondered if that was what really led to the quarantined city in China.  I think they lifted it so the gov officials must have murdered everyone in contact with the initially infected guy....Marmot my ass.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:11 | 5017766 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

There's a cheap, readily available vaccine available already. 

< $1 per shot. [bang]

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:32 | 5017885 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Jeez, Captain! Where do you live? Cheap ammo in your neck of the woods.

'sides, bullets spray to much "material". I'm thinking carbon monoxide as the better route,

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 13:24 | 5018433 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Use a nuke, like the dustbin hoffman/morgan friedman movie.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 13:30 | 5018459 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Or what was recommended and not used in the Aliens II movie.

Just to be sure, I believe it was....

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:48 | 5017086 Took Red Pill
Took Red Pill's picture

it depends what your definition of sex is

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:53 | 5017346 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Can't we just attack Ebola with drones?

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 13:40 | 5018530 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

No, but Obama has a pen and a phone.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:03 | 5017730 XitSam
XitSam's picture

Bill is patient zero?!

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:23 | 5017001 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

Not to worry, Goldman partners already have the vaccine in hand.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:24 | 5017002 Stackers
Stackers's picture

I looked into this a little myself. From what I could find.

1. It takes 2-3 days from time of infection until you show signs.

2. Must be passed from body fluids (see Myth Busters TV show for how far body fluids fly through the air)

3. Hard to turn pandemic because it makes you super sick relatively quickly, so you dont go around spreading it more after you start to feel sick

4. Can be passed on to other for months after you recover (viruses never really die they just kind of go dormant)

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:50 | 5017092 Took Red Pill
Took Red Pill's picture

Do sneezes count as body fluids?

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:59 | 5017126 knukles
knukles's picture

Yes.  Sweat and juicy farts, too.  Use your imaginaiton.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:05 | 5017736 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

When you smell that fart you can be ASSured that you are inhaling, deeply into your lungs, gases which were just inside of somebody's anal cavity.


Take some solace in that?


Yes it may be sick...but it is the truth.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 13:22 | 5018426 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Actually, they are shit molecules.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 10:33 | 5017549 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

2-21 days strains the word "relative", but ok.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:16 | 5017795 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

You'd be amazed how many times/day all people touch their faces (mouth, nose, eyes), and other things.  And shake hands and other things.  And they just can't help but touch railings, banisters, door handles...

It'll spread like the Common Cold for these reasons.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:40 | 5017945 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

Ah yes, Captian!

Frumunda Cheese.

That stuff don't wash off with bleach and it ain't from France, although they have it there for sure.
It originates from the exotic 'Taint region.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 12:40 | 5018213 Freddie
Freddie's picture

You'd be amazed how many times/day all people touch their faces (mouth, nose, eyes), and other things.

What about the anus?

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 13:21 | 5018421 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Hey! That means Bath House will get it!

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 17:26 | 5019639 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

There is a silver lining to every stormcloud, you know.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 18:18 | 5019841 Loose Caboose
Loose Caboose's picture

Time has arrived to replace the greasy polluted handshake with the fist bump.  It looks way cool too.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:24 | 5017003 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

It gets to Lagos and it becomes global. Africa is the third world shit hole this bug needs. Its a big fucking deal.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:54 | 5017352 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Bill Gates and Soros are working on a new Ebola upgrade.   Ebola ME 2.0.  Ballmer can give a rousing speech.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 10:36 | 5017564 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

What vector did they choose? Their standard injection method? Or are they going to put it on candy this time?

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 13:20 | 5018407 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

No, this time they have a new, free device: The obamabolaphone.

Free at your EBT Centre.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:26 | 5017007 Stockmonger
Stockmonger's picture


Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:33 | 5017036 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



Word up.....I've heard that crap is almost as bad for you as 20oz sodas.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:01 | 5017133 knukles
knukles's picture

Bloomberg and DiBlasio say the biggest infected monkey you can eat is 16oz.
Ain't that sweet!

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:18 | 5017195 More_sellers_th...
More_sellers_than_buyers's picture

GZG .... now that is funny

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:02 | 5017138 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

You can say that again!

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:45 | 5017307 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

...Stop eating monkies.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 13:17 | 5018396 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

Stop eating fruit bats.

Eat only straight bats.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:26 | 5017008 One And Only
One And Only's picture

Yes. The CDC is wrong.

Anything the government tells you is the antithesis of truth.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:27 | 5017009 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

where is the slice containment team.. backswing needs improvement



Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:06 | 5017152 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

from the headline 

"President Obama's Golf Ball Reportedly Found in Woods at Congressional"


Does this mean they found it up tiger's ass @ congressional?

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 13:16 | 5018393 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

"Obamabola's balls were found in the woods by his ball handler, Reggie."

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:27 | 5017014 mogul rider
mogul rider's picture

Ah yes the malthusian BLACK SWAN.

When we all live in fear we are easily contained.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:30 | 5017021 mogul rider
mogul rider's picture

dirty little Mexicans

dirty little Chinese

dirty little Russians

dirty little Ebolas

dirty little Canadians


pretty soon Americans will hate everything except themselves.

Oh wait

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:44 | 5017057 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

You got it!

Blame Canada! Blame Canada!


it's all THEIR fault with their fucking hockey causing all this global cooling now so they can rule the world skating backwards all day and sweeping furiously to curl huge boulders against the U.S. too ,eh!

Oh the humanity!


Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:19 | 5017805 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Don't forget to also blame the Swiss, Aussies, Kiwis, Swedes, Norwegians and Fins.  And the Scots, och aye.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 17:29 | 5019649 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

I am giong to blame His Noodleness for this outrage.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:31 | 5017022 Frostfan1
Frostfan1's picture

Well, duh!!!!!  Saying Ebola is a problem would mean checking who's coming into the country. We can't let Ebola get in the way of destroying America now, can we?

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:30 | 5017023 InsaneAngloWarLord
InsaneAngloWarLord's picture

Oh please when has the govermant ever lied to us. Oh wait shit.

Hiltery where are you. please save us.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:36 | 5017043 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



We're Americans.....we have a right to be lied too.


Pretty sure that's in the Constitution.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:30 | 5017025 Frostfan1
Frostfan1's picture

Don't worry.   Obama will just pass an executive order that states no illegal immigrants have Ebola. 

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:08 | 5017157 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

I don't have to worry, I live in a Ebola Free city.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:31 | 5017027 Reference Variable
Reference Variable's picture

What incentive do they have for telling the truth? If I knew any, I'd be watching what CDC people are doing with their personal time the next few weeks.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 08:33 | 5017028 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture can take 21 days for someone to develop symptoms...

agents can forcibly isolate or quarantine people with symptoms...

am i the only one to get a whiff of the bullshit here?

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 09:35 | 5017254 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Probably, and worse yet it's he who smelt it, dealt it, so have fun living with yourself from here on  out, cause it's gonna get stinky, you aint alone.

Tue, 07/29/2014 - 11:08 | 5017753 XitSam
XitSam's picture

Federal Ebola Management Assembly camps.  

You're incarcerated for your protection.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!