Thursday Humor: The Fed Is Hiring

Tyler Durden's picture

An auditor...

Job Description:

The Audit Function assists the Bank's Board of Directors and senior management in the effective discharge of their fiduciary responsibilities by assessing the adequacy and effectiveness of the controls within Bank business areas over (1) financial reporting, (2) effectiveness and deficiency of operations, and (3) compliance with laws and regulations, and the adequacy of the Bank's risk management and governance processes. 

Job Responsibilities

  • Plan and conduct audits of various Federal Reserve Bank operations to assess the adequacy and effectiveness of its internal controls.
  • Develop knowledge of the risk applicable to the operations in order to create formal risk profiles and identify appropropriate risk-based audit scopes.
  • Develop understanding of the Bank’s businesses and department interrelationships; and apply this knowledge to form appropriate conclusions on the efficiency and effectiveness of business processes.
  • Prepare complete, clear, and concise workpaper documentation and audit memos that reflect timely and relevant analysis and recommendations.
  • Complete assignments within established timeframes
  • Communicate the audit results to Audit and Bank senior management verbally and in a formal

Job Competencies

  • BS/BA undergraduate degree
  • Minimum 2 years of internal audit experience, preferably with strong knowledge of business process risks and controls.  Knowledge of cash vault operations or Federal Reserve Bank cash processing a plus
  • Certified Internal Auditor (CIA) designation or a willingness to complete a program to obtain certification within 1 year of the hiring date
  • Team player capable of building teamwork, as well as, collaborative relationships with operations management throughout the organization
  • Strong critical thinking, analytical, written, and verbal communication skills
  • Proficient in the use of PC applications and automated analysis tools and
  • Ability to travel up to 25- 30% to other sites within the Twelfth Federal Reserve District, and to other Banks in the Federal Reserve System.

*  *  *

Perhaps they are preparing for this.

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slotmouth's picture

Audit the fed bitchez!

Slave's picture

Auditor my ass.

Based upon the market results today, somebody must have been on vacation. Can't have the BUY seat empty. Gotta hire moar.

kaiserhoff's picture

Hmmm.   I have the credentials.  I could be Snowden redux.

If I just liked Ruskie chicks...

edit: oops, I didn't see that team player shit.

palmereldritch's picture

Familiarity in MS-13 gang signs helpful!

knukles's picture

Hah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
They're about the only ones hiring ....
Auditors, my ass.

I mean, just what the fuck is going on?
Nothing is audited or examined or any laws and regulations upheld.
Except for farmers selling raw milk, people catching rain water, or living off the grid and other associated shit that is feared to bring down the republic

Ummmmaaaaarragggahhhhhh!..

yrad's picture

Make my century and hire Ron Paul.

ebworthen's picture

An auditor?

Since when has the FED cared how much money it printed and shuffled around to anyone other than individual citizens?

Yes_Questions's picture

 

 

Minimum 2 years of internal audit experience

 

But not more than that!!!

kaiserhoff's picture

Someone who understood derivatives could make a name for himself with that gig.

knukles's picture

Kaiser, you're knowledgeable of accounting. 
Does internal auditor in FedSpeak mean acquainted and conversant of prostate massage and kissing arses...
Stuff along those lines?

Sorta like SEC Examination Staff needing working knowledge of transsexual midgets.

Now you've got me wondering where the Tijuana donkey shows come into hiring standards.
"Our donkeys are not abused or harmed in any manner during performances"

813kml's picture

Preference given to applicants currently in a vegetative state.

LetThemEatRand's picture

"Team player"

Team Rothschild.

813kml's picture

Don't hate, the company softball team gets to use solid gold bats.

sixsigma cygnusatratus's picture

I'm a little suprised that spinning straw into gold is not listed as a qualification.

tickhound's picture

"...collaborative relationships with operations management throughout the organization"

This is the key qualification.

It means you're gonna see some shit and you best partake.

Salsipuedes's picture

The Non-Disclosure Agreement is done in a special red ink which makes it all very exciting!

boattrash's picture

Hey tickhound, is that the hidden part I was missing that would be, "Extensive Experience with Blow and Hookers?"

Atomizer's picture

Federal Reserve: Craigslist wanted Ad themed...

 

Book Cooker 

 

Had to cut to the chase. /lol

 

p00k1e's picture

Since it's a humor page.

Well looky here:

Poor families use 'supervouchers' to rent in city's priciest buildings

“This is nuts,” says landlord Tony Rossi, president of Chicago-based RMK Management Corp., who describes himself as a liberal Democrat. “In a situation where you're dealing with a low-income person, do they really need a 25th-floor apartment with a lake view? It just doesn't make sense to me.”

http://www.chicagobusiness.com/article/20140726/ISSUE01/307269984/poor-f...

SloMoe's picture

Doesn't say anything about helicopter flying skills. Or, is that assumed?

krispkritter's picture

I dialed their human resource line at 1-866-666-SOUL but they transfered me to the Suicide Intention Hotline and put me on with some guy named Jim Jones...? Is this for reals?  /s

LawyerScum's picture

Fuck the Fed, right in its corrupt asshole without the benefit of lube.

Postal's picture

Why do I want a job downloading tranny porn? Yeah, I know, that's the SEC. But with the revolving door and all...

I'd prefer to be over at the NSA where I could watch all those webcam girls for free. :D

Yes_Questions's picture

 

 

hmmm, webcam girls..

 

Not just for NSA lackeys anymore and anyway goes well with an Ebola outbreak

Yen Cross's picture

 Run Kevin...run. Not the forrest kevin, you idiot! 

  The unemployment line kevin? Run... kevin ,run.

 Training tape for the CIA. smuggled one out/

Salsipuedes's picture

Les see...I got da B.S. and, uh, cash vaults are like my specialty but I also do safes an' I'm a team player long as you don' fug wid me, capiche? Now ged oudda here! AND DON' CALL ME, I'LL CALL YOU!

- Lenny, HAVE GUN, WILL TRAVEL

Salsipuedes's picture

Dey jus' called. I'm on da "short list"! Ha-ha-fuckin'-ha!

q99x2's picture

Fall Guy Needed.

HUGE_Gamma's picture

fuck taleo HR system

Blast_Bug's picture

I assume Chelsea Clinton has applied?