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Thursday Humor: The Fed Is Hiring

Tyler Durden's picture




 

An auditor...

Job Description:

The Audit Function assists the Bank's Board of Directors and senior management in the effective discharge of their fiduciary responsibilities by assessing the adequacy and effectiveness of the controls within Bank business areas over (1) financial reporting, (2) effectiveness and deficiency of operations, and (3) compliance with laws and regulations, and the adequacy of the Bank's risk management and governance processes. 

Job Responsibilities

  • Plan and conduct audits of various Federal Reserve Bank operations to assess the adequacy and effectiveness of its internal controls.
  • Develop knowledge of the risk applicable to the operations in order to create formal risk profiles and identify appropropriate risk-based audit scopes.
  • Develop understanding of the Bank’s businesses and department interrelationships; and apply this knowledge to form appropriate conclusions on the efficiency and effectiveness of business processes.
  • Prepare complete, clear, and concise workpaper documentation and audit memos that reflect timely and relevant analysis and recommendations.
  • Complete assignments within established timeframes
  • Communicate the audit results to Audit and Bank senior management verbally and in a formal

Job Competencies

  • BS/BA undergraduate degree
  • Minimum 2 years of internal audit experience, preferably with strong knowledge of business process risks and controls.  Knowledge of cash vault operations or Federal Reserve Bank cash processing a plus
  • Certified Internal Auditor (CIA) designation or a willingness to complete a program to obtain certification within 1 year of the hiring date
  • Team player capable of building teamwork, as well as, collaborative relationships with operations management throughout the organization
  • Strong critical thinking, analytical, written, and verbal communication skills
  • Proficient in the use of PC applications and automated analysis tools and
  • Ability to travel up to 25- 30% to other sites within the Twelfth Federal Reserve District, and to other Banks in the Federal Reserve System.

*  *  *

Perhaps they are preparing for this.

 

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Thu, 07/31/2014 - 20:53 | 5030501 slotmouth
slotmouth's picture

Audit the fed bitchez!

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 21:01 | 5030554 Slave
Slave's picture

Auditor my ass.

Based upon the market results today, somebody must have been on vacation. Can't have the BUY seat empty. Gotta hire moar.

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 21:07 | 5030578 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Hmmm.   I have the credentials.  I could be Snowden redux.

If I just liked Ruskie chicks...

edit: oops, I didn't see that team player shit.

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 21:12 | 5030616 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

Familiarity in MS-13 gang signs helpful!

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 21:17 | 5030643 knukles
knukles's picture

Hah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
They're about the only ones hiring ....
Auditors, my ass.

I mean, just what the fuck is going on?
Nothing is audited or examined or any laws and regulations upheld.
Except for farmers selling raw milk, people catching rain water, or living off the grid and other associated shit that is feared to bring down the republic

Ummmmaaaaarragggahhhhhh!..

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 21:24 | 5030671 yrad
yrad's picture

Make my century and hire Ron Paul.

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 20:55 | 5030513 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

An auditor?

Since when has the FED cared how much money it printed and shuffled around to anyone other than individual citizens?

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 20:56 | 5030519 Yes_Questions
Yes_Questions's picture

 

 

Minimum 2 years of internal audit experience

 

But not more than that!!!

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 21:10 | 5030603 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Someone who understood derivatives could make a name for himself with that gig.

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 21:21 | 5030659 knukles
knukles's picture

Kaiser, you're knowledgeable of accounting. 
Does internal auditor in FedSpeak mean acquainted and conversant of prostate massage and kissing arses...
Stuff along those lines?

Sorta like SEC Examination Staff needing working knowledge of transsexual midgets.

Now you've got me wondering where the Tijuana donkey shows come into hiring standards.
"Our donkeys are not abused or harmed in any manner during performances"

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 21:27 | 5030687 813kml
813kml's picture

Preference given to applicants currently in a vegetative state.

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 20:58 | 5030534 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

"Team player"

Team Rothschild.

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 21:39 | 5030700 813kml
813kml's picture

Don't hate, the company softball team gets to use solid gold bats.

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 21:01 | 5030542 sixsigma cygnus...
sixsigma cygnusatratus's picture

I'm a little suprised that spinning straw into gold is not listed as a qualification.

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 21:01 | 5030551 tickhound
tickhound's picture

"...collaborative relationships with operations management throughout the organization"

This is the key qualification.

It means you're gonna see some shit and you best partake.

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 22:34 | 5030984 Salsipuedes
Salsipuedes's picture

The Non-Disclosure Agreement is done in a special red ink which makes it all very exciting!

Fri, 08/01/2014 - 02:39 | 5031499 boattrash
boattrash's picture

Hey tickhound, is that the hidden part I was missing that would be, "Extensive Experience with Blow and Hookers?"

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 21:02 | 5030556 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Federal Reserve: Craigslist wanted Ad themed...

 

Book Cooker 

 

Had to cut to the chase. /lol

 

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 21:06 | 5030580 p00k1e
p00k1e's picture

Since it's a humor page.

Well looky here:

Poor families use 'supervouchers' to rent in city's priciest buildings

“This is nuts,” says landlord Tony Rossi, president of Chicago-based RMK Management Corp., who describes himself as a liberal Democrat. “In a situation where you're dealing with a low-income person, do they really need a 25th-floor apartment with a lake view? It just doesn't make sense to me.”

http://www.chicagobusiness.com/article/20140726/ISSUE01/307269984/poor-f...

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 21:20 | 5030649 SloMoe
SloMoe's picture

Doesn't say anything about helicopter flying skills. Or, is that assumed?

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 21:27 | 5030693 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

I dialed their human resource line at 1-866-666-SOUL but they transfered me to the Suicide Intention Hotline and put me on with some guy named Jim Jones...? Is this for reals?  /s

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 21:52 | 5030792 LawyerScum
LawyerScum's picture

Fuck the Fed, right in its corrupt asshole without the benefit of lube.

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 21:46 | 5030801 Postal
Postal's picture

Why do I want a job downloading tranny porn? Yeah, I know, that's the SEC. But with the revolving door and all...

I'd prefer to be over at the NSA where I could watch all those webcam girls for free. :D

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 21:55 | 5030834 Yes_Questions
Yes_Questions's picture

 

 

hmmm, webcam girls..

 

Not just for NSA lackeys anymore and anyway goes well with an Ebola outbreak

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 22:14 | 5030918 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Run Kevin...run. Not the forrest kevin, you idiot! 

  The unemployment line kevin? Run... kevin ,run.

 Training tape for the CIA. smuggled one out/

Thu, 07/31/2014 - 22:36 | 5030960 Salsipuedes
Salsipuedes's picture

Les see...I got da B.S. and, uh, cash vaults are like my specialty but I also do safes an' I'm a team player long as you don' fug wid me, capiche? Now ged oudda here! AND DON' CALL ME, I'LL CALL YOU!

- Lenny, HAVE GUN, WILL TRAVEL

Mon, 08/04/2014 - 19:16 | 5046407 Salsipuedes
Salsipuedes's picture

Dey jus' called. I'm on da "short list"! Ha-ha-fuckin'-ha!

Fri, 08/01/2014 - 00:37 | 5031301 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Fall Guy Needed.

Fri, 08/01/2014 - 06:20 | 5031716 HUGE_Gamma
HUGE_Gamma's picture

fuck taleo HR system

Sat, 08/02/2014 - 08:09 | 5037078 Blast_Bug
Blast_Bug's picture

I assume Chelsea Clinton has applied?   

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