• Tim Knight from...
    04/28/2016 - 00:27
    I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate - AKA the World's Most Exclusive Club - but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.
  • Tim Knight from...
    04/28/2016 - 00:27
    I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate - AKA the World's Most Exclusive Club - but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.

The Most Bullish Signal For Stocks Today...

Tyler Durden's picture


... Is that Gartman, after flipflopping to bullish yesterday just in time for the plunge, is again bearish.

We have reduced our position in the market in the only account we manage directlyour own retirement funds… to a long position in aluminium still hedged with out-of-the-money puts and some remaining derivative positions. The “news” out of Russia yesterday was sufficient to keep us on the sidelines on balance, wanting to be bullish but unwilling to commit funds when the news is this “un-or-im” balanced, for discretion is always being the far better part of trading valour.

Expect stocks to turn green any second.

Then again, since Gartman is always bullish and bearish at the same time to protect virtual investors from virtual losses incurred with virtual money, it is a little more complicated than that...

We stand by the statement made late last week and earlier this that support in the futures should be strong at or near the 1865-1875 level and we shall turn rather more openly bullish of shares when that level is put to test, perhaps as early as today but more likely sometime later this week. If that support is broken, then the real, very long term support shall not be evident until the S&P were to trade down to 1750.

Uh, ok.

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Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:43 | 5053527 PlusTic
PlusTic's picture

This shitt is gunna fukkin xplode!

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:50 | 5053575 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Yeah, 1865 was a pretty tough year. What was the article about again?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:52 | 5053585 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

We ticked green a minute ago.  It didn't hold, but we were green.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:54 | 5053590 Atlas_shrugging
Atlas_shrugging's picture


Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:57 | 5053605 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

"our own retirement funds… to a long position in aluminium still hedged with out-of-the-money puts and some remaining derivative positions"

Ok, Ok.  You guys can all do stuff like this in YOUR 401k or IRA just like Dennis can, right?  Show of hands, please.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:23 | 5053724 Richard Chesler
Richard Chesler's picture

FS = Full of Shit

FS = Financial Strategist

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:38 | 5053814 synergize
synergize's picture

Hey guy is brilliant because he gets people to pay $50 / month to hear him change his calls to follow the market momo the previous day.  Stocks rise yesterday and Gartman is "pleasantly bullish" today...

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 12:19 | 5054408 BC6
BC6's picture

I'm long American Gold Eagles, but short Kruggerands. I'm also long Silver Maples, but short American Silver Eagles.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:25 | 5053744 oudinot
oudinot's picture

Actually, it was a good year for the US-civil war had concluded.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:14 | 5053670 RockRiver
RockRiver's picture

Why doesn't this guy just stop talking?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:36 | 5053811 CPL
CPL's picture

He will soon.  He got a bad ticker.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:44 | 5053537 astoriajoe
astoriajoe's picture

I've gotta grow a beard and put out a newsletter. If this guy can do it I can do it.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:45 | 5053543 kliguy38
kliguy38's picture

and don't forget to drink a fifth of cheap scotch a day

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:52 | 5053584 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

Good luck and good trading. (signed)....Dennis Gartman

Seriously, that's what he ends each newsletter with

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:52 | 5053591 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

Disclaimer: This publication is protected by U.S. and International Copyright laws. All rights reserved. This publication is proprietary and intended for the sole use of subscribers. No license is granted to any subscriber, except for the subscriber’s personal use. No part of this publication or its contents may be copied, downloaded, stored in a retrieval system, further transmitted, or otherwise reproduced, stored, disseminated, transferred, or used, in any form or by any means, except as permitted under the subscription agreement or with the prior written permission of The Gartman Letter, L.C. (“Gartman”). Any further disclosure or use, distribution, dissemination or copying of this publication, message or any attachment is strictly prohibited.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:54 | 5053596 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

And now for the punchline ...


Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:01 | 5053607 Cacete de Ouro
Cacete de Ouro's picture

Last Word ... From Dennis

This disclaimer applies to any trial subscription. Anyone who says otherwise is itchin' for a fight.

Tylers, are you icthin' ?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:08 | 5053633 Arius
Arius's picture

@astoriajoe "I've gotta grow a beard and put out a newsletter. If this guy can do it I can do it."


Yeah, thats the american way, if you can do it ... i can do it too!  good luck... they dont tell you that you need "luck" or connections ... got to keep the image alive


the only thing is that that guy is a federali amigo ... you dont get in tv because you like to ... even if you grow a beard .... well the newsletter needs institutional subscriptions and they dont come unless they are told so ....


got the remember the machine runs completely differently than what you are told in school.


all these tips because of the astoria connection :)

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:45 | 5053542 gdiamond22
gdiamond22's picture

Bought Nasdaq futures earlier this morning, wasn't too sure about it, so just scooped a few contracts - time to load up now!

Gartman is such a chode.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:07 | 5053641 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

+1 for the chode comment :)

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:18 | 5053697 enforcer92677
enforcer92677's picture

chode: +1


Haven't seen that in a while.  Well done!

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:45 | 5053545 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Obviously this Gartman sack of watery flesh derives his income as a percent of clients money invested.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:47 | 5053551 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

Shit, I cannot hit the 'Buy' key any faster. 

FYI: I'm seeing some dog shit companies already in green on the day. 

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:47 | 5053553 IronShield
IronShield's picture

I just love a good sale.  Either way, volatility is good; except for the 'investors'.  Do those people even exist anymore?  ;-)

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:47 | 5053556 Gringo Viejo
Gringo Viejo's picture

"Bring out your dead."

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:47 | 5053559 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

For cripes sakes, are you really only willing to commit funds when the market is up? What a maroon.  

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:47 | 5053560 kaa1016
kaa1016's picture

What's wrong with this guy? The S&P is bouncing off of the 100 DMA, and is oversold short term. This is where you take a shot long the S&P or short VXX.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:47 | 5053561 IronShield
IronShield's picture

If you're not making 3-10% per month, you just ain't doing it right.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:52 | 5053587 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

And that's just on the coupon! Eeeeeeee hawwww!

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:55 | 5053601 IronShield
IronShield's picture

Shucks; ya done gawn and figgered it out.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:50 | 5053576 vote_libertaria...
vote_libertarian_party's picture

I'm going set up a terminal to look for his statements.  Convert positive statements to a short signal and negative statements to a buy signal and make MEGA BUCKS.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:51 | 5053579 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

We have reduced our position in the market in the only account we manage directly… our own retirement funds…

In other words, "We sold to our sucker clients who we told to go long yesterday".

I'm glad someone is watching this guy, but, perhaps it should now be for homicide instead of suicide.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:52 | 5053588 Mi Naem
Mi Naem's picture

This is fun. 

These Gartman articles are like the funnies section of the newspaper used to be. 

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:58 | 5053615 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

He already has a stand up economic comedy gig.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:56 | 5053606 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Gartman forgot to eyeglasses. He would have looked smarter. 

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:58 | 5053611 mastersnark
mastersnark's picture

Too bad for the aluminium industry.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 09:59 | 5053619 yogibear
yogibear's picture

Gartman is right on queue to do the opposite.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:01 | 5053623 yogibear
yogibear's picture

It's the famous buy,buy,buy signal!

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:12 | 5053660 Squids_In
Squids_In's picture

Or is it the bye bye, and goodnight, nurse - signal?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:11 | 5053656 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  Gartman churns more than the 'Land-O-Lakes' butter factory...

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:16 | 5053686 GFORCE
GFORCE's picture

Gartman used to be a good trader, hence why he runs a hedge fund and you douche bags are pi%%ing around with $300 FX accounts.


Like many veterans though, he is struggling in a market run by algorithms and power hungry central bankers.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:26 | 5053749 Arius
Arius's picture

yes, he learned in the tranches ... now struggling beynd algorithms ... life is unfair



Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:28 | 5053758 Tyler Durden
Tyler Durden's picture

Actually, he "runs" a 401(k). He is "selling" a newsletter.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:42 | 5053844 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

That's why he has to jack off on the Cable TV Channels. Struggling account management needs an upper hand in funneling daily cash infusions. 

Without this, his 401K portfolio turns into a ponzi scheme. Gartman ends up in jail. 

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 12:04 | 5054331 dutchTender
dutchTender's picture

tyler with the smack down ...

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:48 | 5053859 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

$300 FX accounts...Lol. Sure whatever you say. 20 years in the business has taught me the key to making 'money' is identifying the market meme and going with it. It doesn't matter what I think about how things should be. I just accept the "market" for what it is and the rest is easy. If Garman can't grasp that after all these years then he deserves to be ridiculed for his ridiculous calls.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:26 | 5053738 PeeramidIdeologies
PeeramidIdeologies's picture

Mean while in the real world, where results actually matter... Wait a minute, does this guy earn the 2 and 20 I've heard so much about. Lemme see 2% handling fee plus 20% commission on profits is it? *clickity click* oh, one would earn a pretty decent living at this

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 15:08 | 5055269 jballz
jballz's picture

No. He just said top of the article he has no funds except his newsletter revenue. Aka his retirement fund invested in aluminum. Aka he scraped enough change off his floor to buy a six pack of pabst and he's waiting til he has gas money enough to go turn them in for the nickel deposit across the state line.

Guy is the king of sheep. He can't get two and twenty because his performance record would be on the record instead of his fucktabulius bullshit "units of" horse shit. Then he would lose the meth addict trust funder subscribers too.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:33 | 5053789 A82EBA
A82EBA's picture

10 yr treas yld just had big down spike

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 10:36 | 5053820 TabakLover
TabakLover's picture

How can this guy even look at himself in the mirror? 

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