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President Obama Holds Another Press Conference - Live Feed (Just An Hour Late)

Tyler Durden's picture


What will it be this time? Grab your popcorn and tune in.. and don't forget, he "will not rest" until whatever 'it' is, is fixed...


  • "Partner" Africa?
  • Ebola "Aid"?
  • "Complaining"?
  • Stocks "Recovery"?
  • "Unpatriotic" Inversions?
  • Putin "Costs"?
  • Republican "Blockers"?
  • "Fairness"?
  • Border "Defense"?
  • "Dis"approval Ratings?
  • Cynicism?
  • Hopey-ism?


President Obama is was due to speak at 5pmET...


One can't help but feel he was going for the record...


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Wed, 08/06/2014 - 16:57 | 5055869 Jethro
Jethro's picture

He can't keep his cock-holster shut for one lousy day can he?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:15 | 5055889 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



Lafonda pays a $350/month premium, plus $5,000 annual deductible, plus 30% coinsurance, and her Obamacare plan still doesn't cover Ebola?

Now I see how United Healthcare can afford to be one of your biggest contributors, Mr President.  UNH stock has quadrupled since you announced Obamacare.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:16 | 5055954 negative rates
negative rates's picture

Crazy like a fox.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:20 | 5055974 Relentless101
Relentless101's picture

Did I miss it or is this prick 20 minutes late?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:27 | 5056004 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

The Queen is a bit tardy lately. 

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:30 | 5056011 12ToothAssassin
12ToothAssassin's picture

Right on time!

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 19:19 | 5056516 eclectic syncretist
Thu, 08/07/2014 - 00:06 | 5057475 Elvis the Pelvis
Elvis the Pelvis's picture

Obama looks marvelous.  He's very popular among the Amish.  Bitchez.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:30 | 5056017 Notsobadwlad
Notsobadwlad's picture

Used to be that the tard was just a bit queenie.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 20:01 | 5056633 villainvomit
villainvomit's picture

Queen Obola....that's pretty good right there, GT !

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:29 | 5056166 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

One hour late and counting. Either this fucker has no respect for anybody. The lapdog media won't say a word either.

Edit: it's not a disease asshole, it's a virus. And know you can't contain it easily you fuck.

Wow that second question was a nice set up.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 20:02 | 5056636 knukles
knukles's picture

This shit really wants to make me vomit

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:04 | 5055905 Bloppy
Bloppy's picture

He will not rest until it's time for yet another vay-cay.


Israeli carrots suddenly yanked from Irish store shelves- care to guess why?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:34 | 5056046 ugmug
ugmug's picture

Obama speaks in English but listens in Arabic.....

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:30 | 5056307 JuliaS
JuliaS's picture

He's actually speaking Swedish:

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 19:54 | 5056625 logicalman
logicalman's picture

Saves having to read the number under the barcode to avoid purchasing the bastards' products.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:06 | 5055915 Normalcy Bias
Normalcy Bias's picture

Clearly, he gets off on lying to folks...

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:13 | 5055930 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

"cock-holster" =TBR ?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:28 | 5056008 takeaction
takeaction's picture

I am sitting here with my cock in my hand Barry.....edge of my seat...You late FUCK.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 16:59 | 5055870 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

"Mr. President. Is that a golf ball in your pocket or are you just glad to see us?" - A member of the Laimstream Media throwing the POTUS another soft (golf) ball question.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:11 | 5055938 Raymond K Hessel
Raymond K Hessel's picture

Apparently, MSM is not throwing soft balls as much as they are working together.

A prominent CNN commentator, the top two political reporters for The Huffington Post, a Reuters reporter, the editor of The Nation magazine, a producer for Al Jazeera America television, a U.S. News & World Report columnist, and approximately two dozen Huffington Post contributors are among the more than 1,000 members of Gamechanger Salon.

Founded by leftwing activist Billy Wimsatt, the group is a secretive digital gathering of writers, opinion leaders, activists and political hands who share information, ideas and strategy via a closed Google group.

The group’s existence was discovered by Media Trackers through an open records request filed with a University of Wisconsin professor who happened to be a member of the network.


Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:16 | 5055957 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Oooh, a new terrorist cell! Should be fun.

"Closed Google Group" Now there's an oxymoron if I ever saw one.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:46 | 5056096 12ToothAssassin
12ToothAssassin's picture

you gotta watch Matt Lee rake State Dept Spokeshole of the moment over the coals. His work is genius. When theres good audio you can hear the other reporters snickering. Im pretty sure hes a little soused too.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 22:52 | 5057252 IANAE
IANAE's picture

Matt Lee's cross examination at State pressers is awesome... absolutely brutal, in fact... like a dog with a bone he won't let anything slide no matter how much doubletalk they serve up.


Wed, 08/06/2014 - 16:57 | 5055873 zorba THE GREEK
zorba THE GREEK's picture

That picture of him should be hung in the White House after he is gone to remind

future presidents not to be lazy A-holes.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:30 | 5056016 eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

Hes showing where Bernie Goetz shot him in the ass!

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 16:59 | 5055878 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

Maybe he will take us off the Golf standard. 

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 16:59 | 5055880 1000yrdstare
1000yrdstare's picture

he's gonna let you know about the guy in Cedar-Sinai.....and it ain't good....

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:14 | 5055948 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Cue horse-faced Herman Munster, Secretariat of State, saying, "we are confident in our assessment that Putin is responsible."

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:15 | 5056233 BeansBulletsBandaids
BeansBulletsBandaids's picture

Can't. Stop. Laughing....

Secretariat of State. ha!

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 16:59 | 5055882 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

   No popcorn, I need extra sour 'Shit-Gum' to listen to Zero.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:00 | 5055883 pods
pods's picture

"We tortured some folks, and not just the ones who have to sit here day after day while I drone on and on."


Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:02 | 5055891 ShrNfr
ShrNfr's picture

After starting at least 15 min. late.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:22 | 5055980 Thecomingcollapse
Thecomingcollapse's picture

22 mins so far and still no Zero, Hedge accordingly

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:02 | 5055886 ShrNfr
ShrNfr's picture

He is about to grant amnesty to millions of suffering Africans from Nigeria, Liberia, and all those other butt hole places of this earth.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:04 | 5055893 cn13
cn13's picture

Obama may be holding a "press conference" but that doesn't mean he will be taking a single unscripted question from the press corp.

What a ruse this clown is. 

Sad days for Amerika.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:02 | 5055898 Blano
Blano's picture

I'm only here for the comments.

And where is al-Qaeda when you really need them??

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:58 | 5056151 XitSam
XitSam's picture

Killing generals?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:02 | 5055900 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

Fuck that neo-con, Bill Kristol.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:03 | 5055903 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:06 | 5055916 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

That joke is a never ending one :)

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:06 | 5055918 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

Put that in your Hall o Fame, William. 

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:09 | 5055926 Bioscale
Bioscale's picture

Everytime I see this picture I start laughing loudly. The more often I see it the better it gets.

Great work, WB

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:33 | 5056044 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Thank you WB7. This will become a long inside ZH joke. All ponzi schemes come to a end.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:03 | 5055906 Aussie V
Aussie V's picture

He has to ram home to us who the enemy is,


"War is when the Government tells you who the enemy is, Revolution is when you work it out for yourself."
Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:05 | 5055913 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Dear fellow Americans...
It's clear that there are negative people amongst us... With bad karma...
The economy... Destroyed because of them...
The dollar?... Destroyed... Bush did it...
Putin.... Stole Micheles strapon...
As of tomorrow... The official langues.. Will be mandarin...
And it's going to snow... This winter... Yes... White snow.... Racist snow...

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:20 | 5055973 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

Why would Putin need Moochelle's strapon. You reckon he is a sniffer? 

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:29 | 5056009 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

As the house of cards is crumbling all over, I'm just expecting that all what's happening is staged.

It's all over, to much and all that is missing in every situation... Actual proof.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:09 | 5055928 Sick
Sick's picture

Today's date 8/6/2014....8+6=14.....14/2=7......2014.....14/2=7....magic number 7....must be bad news....what does Christine Laguarde have to say?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:18 | 5055969 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

"Where's my tanning cream?!"

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:00 | 5056160 XitSam
XitSam's picture

that rayciss

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 20:02 | 5056635 logicalman
logicalman's picture

That's a tan?????

I thought it was Carotenaemia.

(xanthaemia) is the presence in blood of the orange pigment carotene from excessive intake of carrots or other vegetables containing the pigment resulting in increased serum carotenoids.

I guess she wants to see in the dark, given that's where she lives.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:32 | 5056032 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

I got another few!

1+6 = 7
2 +5= 7
3+4= 7

Coincidense or just math?!?! Who knows but I bet... Tomorrow morning... The sun.... Will rise.... Yellow... Will be the dominant colour...

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 19:33 | 5056561 knukles
knukles's picture

You guys are fucked up :)  I'm so happy I found you.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:34 | 5056041 exi1ed0ne
exi1ed0ne's picture

Bah.  I make all my decisions by magic 8 ball.  One more then 7, so you know its good.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:59 | 5056156 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

"..what does Christine Laguarde have to say?"

Pass the tanning spray?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:10 | 5056210 Quus Ant
Quus Ant's picture

she makes me wonder if there's any truth to the whole lizardpeople thing.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:13 | 5055939 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

Racist snow lol

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:13 | 5055943 ronron
ronron's picture

what's with all you folks hating? c'mon man, i'm or your side.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:17 | 5055959 HerrDoktor
HerrDoktor's picture

What if....someone gave a press conference and nobody came?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:20 | 5055977 Jethro
Jethro's picture

He doesn't say anything when he speaks anyway, so I don't think that it'd matter.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:17 | 5055962 Uchtdorf
Uchtdorf's picture

Aarrgghh, I haven't heard Obama speak for more than 24 hours!!!! Quick, somebody tell me what I'm supposed to think.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:27 | 5055987 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I haven't heard him for years. After listening to him say "You Ain’t My Bitch, Nigga. Buy Your Own Damn Fries!" I didn't think he could ever top that.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:17 | 5055963 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

Still waiting.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:20 | 5055972 negative rates
negative rates's picture

We still don't know what you're waiting for?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:20 | 5055975 Jonesy
Jonesy's picture

Dumb mixed breed.  That ain't racist, is it?  I guess it has to be, not because mixed breed is a race but because I'm white.  

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:22 | 5055983 Its Only Rock N Roll
Its Only Rock N Roll's picture

Maybe it's about sending the US military into Chicago if this doesn't work:


Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:23 | 5055991 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Jake and Elwood again?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:39 | 5055984 JuliaS
JuliaS's picture

"If all you have is a golf club, everything looks like a golf ball."

- Prez Obola

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:25 | 5055999 nosoeawe
nosoeawe's picture

if you voted for this imbecile please immediately run out into rush hour traffic and be sure to take your evil spawn (new borns included). the human race needs a good cleansing and you would be helping your liberal consituents with lowering global warming

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:26 | 5056000 B2u
B2u's picture

Wahoo.....still on the golf course....

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:26 | 5056003 czarangelus
czarangelus's picture

The Tao te Ching says the best leader is one whom the people barely know exists. Obama certainly gives creedence to that view.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:27 | 5056007 mendigo
mendigo's picture

He'll be telling us not to worry about ebola.

Which means time to lose it.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:59 | 5056155 Quus Ant
Quus Ant's picture

He'll be telling us not to worry about ebola.

From a bunker in the Arizona desert.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:30 | 5056024 B2u
B2u's picture

Obama to  admit he was born in Kenya....

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:37 | 5056059 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Chris Jansing from MSNBS already did that for him today.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:34 | 5056029 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Uhhm, did I miss it or something? I can never tell with this guy.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:37 | 5056058 ShrNfr
ShrNfr's picture

Nah, he is just his usual half hour+ late. Fucking twit has zero manners.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:34 | 5056043 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

He must have a lot of hand-shaking of Ebola infected dignitaries to do.

Take your time Barry, take your time.  Is Joe Biden out of state?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:43 | 5056078 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

This is just fucking rude.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:49 | 5056110 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

Maybe his teleprompter is running Windows 8. 

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:58 | 5056149 Quus Ant
Quus Ant's picture

He's shaving his wookie.  Give him a break.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:51 | 5056093 B2u
B2u's picture

Ooops....he forgot...

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:47 | 5056102 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

So his first words will be "Sorry for my lateness ladies and gentleman ... (add as you see fit)

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:47 | 5056103 craus
craus's picture

Too bad he didn't speak at 2:30 pm like last time.

Yellen ramps the S&P 500 an hour before his appearance.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:56 | 5056119 Quus Ant
Quus Ant's picture

teleprompter malfunction.

White house aides are feverishly transcribing script, as dictated by Lloyd- god's work- Blankfein, onto Obama's sweaty palms.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:52 | 5056124 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

51 minutes late - What's his record?

What's the over/under on 1 hour?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:55 | 5056142 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Sometimes it takes a little more electo-shock therapy in order for him to answer the questions correctly.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 17:55 | 5056144 Fuku Ben
Fuku Ben's picture

No need for all the formality whey you're phoning it in

Can't we just strap a gopro to his caddy and live stream from the golf course

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:04 | 5056180 HumanResourceProblem
HumanResourceProblem's picture

This would be bullish, right?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:07 | 5056194 Quus Ant
Quus Ant's picture


Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:03 | 5056181 HumanResourceProblem
HumanResourceProblem's picture

This would be bullish, right?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:07 | 5056195 Quus Ant
Quus Ant's picture


Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:07 | 5056198 B2u
B2u's picture

He needs to make sure he talks about himself.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:12 | 5056220 ShrNfr
ShrNfr's picture

You are kidding me. Over 70 min late now. Jerk. They should just pull the plug on anus.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:18 | 5056247 SharkBit
SharkBit's picture

Is it me or is Obozo looking blacker today?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:21 | 5056252 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

So when did asshole Buffet puppet decide to show up?  Hour and fifteen minutes late?

He's treasonous on any number of levels, but letting all those Africans fly in under an Ebola outbreak is one.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:20 | 5056253 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

Of course he's starting with Kenya, Bwahahaha

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:21 | 5056256 Oldballplayer
Oldballplayer's picture

Jeez for a hundred years we invested in Africans. Then we stop. Now 150 years later we have to invest in Africans again?

I am confused.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:24 | 5056263 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Come on you trollop! 

Ask him why the hell he let hundreds of Africans from an Ebola outbreak fly into the nation's capitol for a feel good summit!?!?

When is he going to ban flights into the U.S. from infected areas or Africa itself to protect us citizens like he pledged at the oath of office!?!?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 20:17 | 5056272 Quus Ant
Quus Ant's picture

the gist:  more weapons for african warlord folks / keeping china folks out.

MIC folks for the win.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:28 | 5056279 B2u
B2u's picture

Obama doesn't know how to work with others.  Never has had the skills to negotiate his position.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:30 | 5056304 Duffy
Duffy's picture

not one reference, based on the lead-in pic, to the Ministry of Silly Walks?

You bastards... you let a fella down sometimes, you know? 


Look, Obama is a puppet.  Bush ostentatiously was - a puppet put in a box on the morning of 9/11 as Rumsfeld got a photo op on the lawn and Cheney and the OSP Jewish Ziocons/Joint Chiefs/Mossad ran the op  {kinda one of them open secrets, eh?}...  so some tinfoil hat wearing cowboys have said around a campfire or two anyway...


So, Obama this, Obama that - look at the guy.  He wants it to be over. He wants to be the black Bill Clinton - he wants to go around getting awards for bullshit and eating dinner with assholes for 250k a pop.  He wants to maybe even return to Chicago, and transform himself into some sort of civil rights figure. 


Or he could just go to work for Goldman's Sack, because, after all - fuck it.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:39 | 5056354 BeansBulletsBandaids
BeansBulletsBandaids's picture

I thought Bill Clinton was the black Bill Clinton???

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:30 | 5056306 Oldballplayer
Oldballplayer's picture

Would someone please stick some knitting needles into my eyes.

The world is falling apart and he blathers, and the media ask ridiculous questions.

I would love to see a reporter simply stand up and start by asking, "What. The. Fuck."

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:35 | 5056331 SpanishGoop
SpanishGoop's picture

Is he burping all the time or are those "Uh's" (didn't learn my text good enough).


Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:36 | 5056335 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  Zero can't even make a compelling argument about immigration reform. Over 2/3rds of the country are against his bullshit open border antics. He keeps trying to play the partisan division game, and sounds like a three year old girl fighting with her friends over the last bag of Cheezy Poofs.

  Just enforce the immigration laws that are on the books you worthless fucking scumbag!

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:41 | 5056363 SpanishGoop
SpanishGoop's picture

I hate his accent, "All Ukrainians must be hurt" but i think he meant "heared".

But to be honest, i am not sure.



Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:44 | 5056373 SpanishGoop
SpanishGoop's picture

He said it "our efforts to control the internet".


Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:44 | 5056377 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

We are pushing for the rights of journalists.... Lol.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:46 | 5056387 I Write Code
I Write Code's picture

POTUS CapEx spending minus greens fees also trending negative since CapEx is basically zero.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:53 | 5056416 Aussie V
Aussie V's picture

He is one of those guys you meet at a party who you listen to for 30 seconds and think, "Far out this guy is smart"

After a minute, you're starting to think, "Gee, this guy just contradicted what he just said didn't he?"

After two minutes you are madly scratching your head wondering how you got yourself into this situation of actually listening to the guy talk

After 3 minutes, you tell hem, "Listen mate, you are full of yourself, you are full of shit and, you're a fuckin bore. Now Fuck Off!"

Then, he keeps talking without missing a beat and just changes faces to talk to.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:55 | 5056420 Kapital Xposure
Kapital Xposure's picture

thats all folks

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 18:55 | 5056424 HumanResourceProblem
HumanResourceProblem's picture

The MSM has puff pieces, Opompous has puff press conferences. What an innovation.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 19:32 | 5056557 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

He's stoned.

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 19:31 | 5056558 ronron
ronron's picture

cancelled for lack of interest?

Wed, 08/06/2014 - 19:44 | 5056593 pakled
pakled's picture

"...he "will not rest" until whatever 'it' is, is fixed..."


It all depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is.


Wed, 08/06/2014 - 20:08 | 5056650 djsmps
djsmps's picture

You left out "folks".

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!