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WTF Headline Of The Day: US Forfeits $480 Million Loss On Nigerian Dictator Scam

Tyler Durden's picture




 

While we assumed everyone knew that correspondence from Nigerian leaders requesting funds were always fradulent, it appears the US government decided the opportunity was worth the risk...

  • *U.S. FORFEITS OVER $480 MILLION STOLEN BY FORMER NIGERIAN DICTATOR
  • *DOJ SAYS MONEY WAS STOLEN BY FORMER NIGERIAN DICTATOR
  • *DOJ: $480M IN CORRUPTION PROCEEDS FROM SANI ABACHA

The DoJ describes it as "the largest forfeiture ever." Oh well - we hear Rwanda is looking to issue some bonds..."We might go for double that or more, up to $1 billion."

 

Perhaps the US should have read this...

 

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Thu, 08/07/2014 - 13:49 | 5059972 Itchy and Scratchy
Itchy and Scratchy's picture

Yeah but they were promised a +2500% ROI!

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 13:52 | 5060002 Vampyroteuthis ...
Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

How is the NYSE any different?

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 13:55 | 5060035 synergize
synergize's picture

Steve Carell said it best:

Toby: Didn’t you lose a lot of money on that other investment, the one from the email?
Michael: You know what, Toby, when the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country, okay?

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 13:57 | 5060049 power steering
power steering's picture

From: "Hassan" Subject: Before I proceed, I must first apologize for this unsolicited mail to you. I'M the Daughter of late Mr Hame, who wasassistant secretary of Muammar Gaddafi who is now dead. My father was among those GADDAFI killed as inside enemy, but before the fightI was taken by boot to Spain here in my father private house, so that I can take care of his investment here in Spain, and my father leave some amount of money for me here in one of the private security company here, and now I want to move this moneyout of this country I have told my lawyer about it, all I need is a trust worthy person. So that when the money is transferred into his or her account, he or she can help me for visa and other papers I needed to live in that country, you have 10 of any amount transferred into your account. If you are willing, then email my lawyer at this and his name is Barr. Martinez Luis So that he can explain to you more about this, if you want to come down here and see by yourself, Regards , Habbib Al Hassan

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 14:04 | 5060096 Groundhog Day
Groundhog Day's picture

whew for a moment i thought Obama received an email stating the prince of nigeria needs to send him 1 billion in return will give him back 480 million as a commission and he went for it

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 14:06 | 5060114 synergize
synergize's picture

no thats the deal he made with JP Morgan - I understand your confusion though

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 13:53 | 5060011 ZeroPower
ZeroPower's picture

Well i don't know about you all, but i relish having a discourse with all those Nigerian princes over the years. 

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 14:14 | 5060183 dracos_ghost
dracos_ghost's picture

Shit, I was about to buy in to that guy with the sister making $9500/wk working from home. This seems much better.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 01:30 | 5063640 jeff montanye
jeff montanye's picture

you may want to hurry.  ebola works quickly.

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 13:58 | 5060021 synergize
synergize's picture

double post

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 14:00 | 5060071 de3de8
de3de8's picture

They will be promoted too

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 14:02 | 5060089 junction
junction's picture

You mean that "Nigerian letter" I received via e-mail could be phoney? 

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 13:49 | 5059974 RockRiver
RockRiver's picture

Typical...always wanting something for nothing....

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 13:50 | 5059986 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

The nigerian prince has ebloa send money

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 13:51 | 5059988 lcs
lcs's picture

How's that US-Africa summit working out?

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 13:53 | 5060016 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

Is this Penny Pritzker's deal?

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 13:53 | 5060019 101 years and c...
101 years and counting's picture

the US thought it had an uncle that died in Nigeria and sent the funds needed to recover the inheritance.  my dog that licks his own ass isnt even that dumb.  obama is.

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 13:54 | 5060025 replaceme
replaceme's picture

The jokes on Nigeria, we paid them off in US Dollars.  Suck it, scammers!

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 14:05 | 5060112 Emergency Ward
Emergency Ward's picture

Or maybe reciepts for gold on deposit at the NY Fed vaults.

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 13:55 | 5060034 Shakes
Shakes's picture

Sheepish looks at the ExIm Bank for sure.

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 13:56 | 5060041 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

Nigerian Please!

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 13:58 | 5060050 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Easy come, easy go. Just call up the Fed and have them email over some replacement fiat.

/sarc

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 13:58 | 5060056 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Lol...can't build a website and they can't recoginze a phoney Nigerian email...... your government at work.

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 14:00 | 5060069 Itchy and Scratchy
Itchy and Scratchy's picture

R these the same dudes who control nuclear weapons & the biggest military in the world? Yikes!!!!!!!

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 14:00 | 5060073 jcpicks
jcpicks's picture

"OFFICE OF THE SENATE HOUSE FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA COMMITTEE ON FOREIGN PAYMENT (RESOLUTION PANEL ON FOREIGN PAYMENT) ABUJA-NIGERIA Attention: In regards to your fund transfer, we the entire members of the federal house of senate has approved the above documents in your name to enable us concluded this final stage of your transfer before the 15th of september 2014"

Dumbass.

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 14:06 | 5060124 Honey Badger
Honey Badger's picture

$480 million - About 14 hours worth of QE3 at its current pace. 

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 14:21 | 5060238 No Euros please...
No Euros please we're British's picture

I heard US Q2 GDP was 4%, seems too good to be true.

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 14:31 | 5060317 KidHorn
KidHorn's picture

Who cares? The FED will just have to print a little more next month.

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 14:43 | 5060395 esum
esum's picture

tiny tim told obumbler it was a SOLID INVESTMENT .....

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 15:00 | 5060467 Its_the_economy...
Its_the_economy_stupid's picture

send in the seals

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 15:00 | 5060470 Its_the_economy...
Its_the_economy_stupid's picture

nothing personal, its just business

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 15:28 | 5060598 notadouche
notadouche's picture

I guess the US assumes it better to be thought a dupe than a thief.  

I would venture this convenient "forfeiture" didn't escape its intended purpose and wound up going exactly where the government wanted it to go.  

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 15:47 | 5060728 luckystars
luckystars's picture

t would not be a bad idea at all to get a big 500 pill bottle of 1000 milligram vitamin C NOW, though it is doubtful this ebola trend will continue at its current rate, VITAMIN C IS CHEAP AND GOOD TO HAVE AROUND ANYWAY.

I cannot help but think that the many countries that have tried to ban the sale of vitamins without a prescription may have been convinced to do so in preparation for this, in any country that has done this the population will be doomed if vitamin C really is the treatment for ebola.

 

Once again, I believe the ultra high dosages will not be needed. Max benefit is very likely to be achieved at 12 grams per day, with each 1000 milligram tablet taken at two hour intervals, and a few in the morning (all the ones you skipped while sleeping.) It is probably pointless to take more than that for preventive purposes (but obviously at least double that amount if you do come down with ebola). An anonymous nurse posted the following to a forum:

The human population of this world has always been kept in check by viruses, or some other method of sheer destruction. The Flu, Polio, Smallpox, you name it, these things have a purpose in nature. They keep populations under control.

Since the dawn of the industrial age we began to outsmart them all. We Vaccinate against the flu, we all but eradicated Polio in this country. We had beaten our enemies into near submission, and as a result, the worlds population has exploded. But our Genius is beginning to catch up with us. Anti-biotic resistant bacteria are on the rise, the flu is devising new ways to counter attack our defenses. And Ebola, well, lets just say it's doing what all viruses do. It's trying to survive, it's trying to find a way to use our own immune system against us. Think about this for a minute...

The Flu infects you, your body goes into defensive mode, realizing that it must expel the invader. So your own body fills your lungs with mucus and fluid, which forces you to cough. This is the real genius of the flu. It actually depends on your immune response to spread itself. And it doesn't have much time to do it either. Because your body begins to increase it's own temperature. Yes, having a fever is an immune response, not caused by the flu, rather it is literally your body attempting to make you so hot that the protein coat protecting the flu virus breaks down, allowing your white cells to attack.

This is what all viruses do. ALL of them. They find a way to exploit your natural immune responses to propagate themselves.

Ebola.... once just a hemorrhagic fever on steroids, now is a bona-fide menace. I work in a hospital laboratory at a major hospital in a major Metro Area. My wife works clinical micro for the same company. I'm very well versed in just about everything a STAT lab in a hospital can, and does do. My wife on the other hand, actually majored in micro, with emphasis on virology. So I wanted you all to know a few things about this outbreak that became apparent to us as it began to spread.

#1. Something has changed. This virus used to have a much shorter incubation period. And it would kill within a week. The mortality rate was much higher once upon a time. However, this is not the case anymore. Based on the sheer number of infected, the virus it seems, may have found a way to transmit itself easier. Typically when a virus "evolves" it gains in one area, while giving ground in another. It makes sense to me that Ebola gave up alot of it's lethality, for the ability to spread itself easier, and incubate much, much longer.

#2. Africa is a mess. There is no way to tell how many are infected. Once upon a time Ebola would strike a village and wipe everyone out, and that was it. It would kill so fast that it could not spread out of the hotzone. Because of what I said above that is not the case anymore. On a continent where borders still mean very little to the native population, it is a scary mix. Even if the CDC or the WHO wanted to get accurate numbers, it would be hopeless due to the unknown number or people that distrust western medicine, refuse to get help, or wander around from village to village. The infrastructure simply does not have the same capabilities we do in the west.

#3. Even in the United States, out of all the various hospitals I have worked at, there is no hope of containing anything like this. One of the largest hospitals I worked at only had two reverse flow isolation rooms. [b]TWO[/b], let that sink in for a minute. If this thing goes as bad as some think it will, we are, quite literally, screwed. Patients only show up to the hospital when they go symptomatic. So by the time they get there, they've already infected their entire family, their work group, and anyone they got within a few feet of on the way to the hospital. When they get there the ER nurses would treat it either like Flu, or Sepsis. But the whole time the patient is infecting all of them. And all of them, in turn, begin to infect everyone else in the exact same way. If this is as virulent as the WHO thinks it might be, by the time people realize what is going on, there will be more sick people than there would be beds available at every hospital in the US combined.

#4. Testing blood for anything is not as simple as looking under a microscope. And hospital labs are not set up for exotic virology. We run basic Chemistries, Cardiac enzymes, blood counts, sed rates, drug levels, bacterial cultures, all the basic hands on shit. The kind of things that old people usually present for, blood loss, infection, and cardiac events. Anything exotic gets sent out. Sometimes to the State lab, most of the time specimens get sent across the country to Quest Diagnostics, or to other organizations actually set up for it. Your average city hospital is pitifully, laughably, not ready for anything of this nature. Sure, running a CBC can tell if you are dehydrated, it can tell of you are loosing blood, it can tell if you are fighting "something" off. It just can't tell what. A sed rate can determine if you have excess inflammation, but it can't tell you why. A Lactic Acid level can indicate Sepsis, but it can't tell you from what. The point is, at the early stages of an outbreak, people will get treated for run of the mill things. Because nothing a hospital can test immediately will be able to tell anyone that you are carrying the most deadly hemorrhagic fever currently known. Honestly, if a person came into a busy ER with a fever, the triage nurse would put them in the waiting room until a non urgent room opened up in the back. They simply have no way to know who is carrying what.

I'm not saying we're all gonna die. This thing could fizzle out. And everything could be fine. What I am trying to illustrate here is that just because a lab exists in a hospital, does not mean that it can tell you everything. There are triage algorithms that work for everyday field medicine, but nothing for an outbreak. Thinking that living in a developed nation will curb the spread is ridiculous. If anything, it makes it worse. Our commute, our workplaces, our homes, our methods of entertainment, all of those things that we love so much about living in the the west, are the things that viruses depend on to spread.

If this virus truly has found a way to transmit easier, the healthcare system would be completely overloaded with something they simply can not handle.

Anyway, I'm not trying to scare anyone, I just hope people can be realistic about the capabilities of hospital containment, hospital laboratory testing, and the fact that the healthcare system, in ANY country, could not handle a massive outbreak.

So don't expect miracles from front line hospital staff, we don't have the tools, and we certainly do not have the manpower. Ask anyone in the medical field how much overtime they could work if they felt like it, don't even get me started on how thinly stretched people in the industry are. Though I suppose if this does turn into something, that will become apparent very, very fast.

Good luck, don't freak out, wash your hands, be prepared, hug your kids.

That is all.

http://www.jimstonefreelance.com/

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 15:56 | 5060770 discopimp
discopimp's picture

And of course no one lost their job due to this "minor" mistake.

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 16:32 | 5060977 SmittyinLA
SmittyinLA's picture

Oh ya the link

http://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/2014/August/14-crm-835.html  

Who would have figured the Obama admin would even have a  Kleptocracy Asset Recovery Initiative?

Oh its only for foreign Kleptocrats.

The Kleptocrat investigators seemed to have missed the Fannie Mae crowd, the IRS didn't even toll Roland Arnall's estate. 

(Ameriquest)

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 20:22 | 5062175 Star Jonestown
Star Jonestown's picture

Oops, it's just a badly written press release.  

Incredibly, what they mean is that they are TAKING the $480m, not FORFEITED it.  They got a court order, now they're planning to steal it back under the...  get this...  " Kleptocracy Asset Recovery Initiative".

It's just a bizarre language error - even if there is some obscure way to use "forfeited" in this manner, it is not recognized by anyone who speaks English every day.  

http://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/2014/August/14-crm-835.html

 

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 04:55 | 5063880 onmail
onmail's picture

Its time to forfeit all the Gold at Federal reserve Bank, NY as well as all the Treasury Bonds issued by USA govt. in past.

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