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ISIS Demands American Blood: Jihadists Call For Attacks On US Interests Worldwide

Tyler Durden's picture




 

It was all fun and games with the West's ever escalating sanctions against Russia until Putin finally retaliated, sending the German stock market into a correction and German bunds to record highs. Now, following Obama's official latest military incursion into Iraq, it is time for ISIS, that ultra-aggressive spin off of Al Qaeda to do the same, and following last night's Obama announcement ISIS has called for attacks on US interests worldwide.

At least the world will now know which Nobel peace prize winning president to point the finger at if and when a massive terrorist attack takes place against US citizens in the US or abroad.

Last but not least, be on the lookout for planes and tall buildings over the next few weeks: the script is really not that new...

 

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Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:31 | 5065700 Alea Iactaest
Alea Iactaest's picture

Nobel Peace Prize, bitchez.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:33 | 5065720 whotookmyalias
whotookmyalias's picture

Since when isn't there a jihadist strike called for against the US? These guys need to get on twitter.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:38 | 5065768 pods
pods's picture

Lemme guess, ISIS spokesman dressed in US fatigues with an accent strikingly similar to guys from Chicago?

pods

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:39 | 5065776 maskone909
maskone909's picture

they have to be thinking, "damnit they trained us, armed us, and gave us free rain to do whatever the fuck we want, and now we are the bad guys!?!?"

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:42 | 5065795 economics9698
economics9698's picture

Moar War Needed.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:46 | 5065817 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

As long as Belgium doesn't start selling US Treasuries we should be fine.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:51 | 5065848 Keyser
Keyser's picture

It won't be airplanes and tall buildings this time... With the southern border open and recorded entrants from over 75 countries, this time it will be up close and personal... Like a jihadist with an Uzi in Wally World or a subway bombs in Manhattan... Not fear mongering, just the facts... 

 

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:51 | 5065869 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

As the world's greatest superpower terrorist organization the US has little to fear.  Once total war is decided ISIS, and everything around them, will be obliterated.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:00 | 5065919 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

They have to be thinking "Damn, this is why they trained us?  Just to be a goddamn scape goat"

Yes, ISIS, now you are getting it.

BTW, ISIS, you are real close to one American (elite) interest:  Israel.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:03 | 5065945 MalteseFalcon
MalteseFalcon's picture

LOL.

OK, I'll play along. 

Looks like we finally have a "state actor" in the GWOT; the Islamic State.

So we can expect an all out attack on the Islamic State, until it's vanquished and the previous status quo is restored, right?

<crickets>

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:04 | 5065961 MalteseFalcon
MalteseFalcon's picture

Remember to make them take off their belts and shoes.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:14 | 5066027 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

Exactly.  We have a War on Terror.

Now we have the world's first Terror State, lets see what the 'response' is.

Let me guess, negotiations and international recognition within 12 months?

http://russiancouncil.ru/common/upload/bbbv21.jpg

Oh look, is that Iraq split into 3 I see?

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:25 | 5066087 strannick
strannick's picture

Jihadists of the world unite! and bite the infidel hand that feeds you

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:52 | 5066319 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

Let's bomb people that really hate us but have open borders...now that's fucking brilliant.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:59 | 5066366 john39
Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:13 | 5066463 Gaius Frakkin' ...
Gaius Frakkin&#039; Baltar's picture

"The War on Terrorism 2.0" here we come!!!

Just remember Terrorism is a type of warfare, so... it's really just "The War on War" or put another way "A Conventional War on Asymetric War"... what could go wrong?

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 15:31 | 5066964 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

Mission Accomplished 2: Moar Iraqi freedom. 

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 19:31 | 5068090 espirit
espirit's picture

Oded Yinyon.

Arab nation states.

ISIS = catalyst.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 20:35 | 5068350 Optimusprime
Optimusprime's picture

Correct.  But how many will look it up?

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:59 | 5066368 eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

Why doesn't Obama just sanction ISIS and quit giving them weapons???!!!!! 

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:02 | 5066400 COSMOS
COSMOS's picture

Exactly, all these ISIS statements are smoke and mirrors to put them at arm's length from their real sponsors, the USSA.  All their gains are because of US military and intelligence backdoor aid.   The goons in DC are the biggest sponsors of terrorism in the world.  And the world KNOWS IT.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:17 | 5066520 TahoeBilly2012
TahoeBilly2012's picture

Waiting for the whole screen to come down and Mel Brooks to come riding out on a horse...

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:37 | 5066656 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

With Sheriff Bart and the Waco Kid?

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:54 | 5066767 eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

American policy has always been to destabilize the Middle East so that they must turn to us for help (and provide us cheap oil), and it's been that way ever since the US blew all its oil out its collective tailpipes.  We've just gotten a lot better at it recently, apparently.  Maybe TPTB think there's still enough cheap oil left in the Middle East to make it all worthwhile? 

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 15:07 | 5066829 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

Albert Pike had a wildly prophetic vision in which he described, in 1871, the first two World Wars exactly as they unfolded.  Here is what he says about WWIII:  "The Third World War must be fomented by taking advantage of the differences caused by the "agentur" of the "Illuminati" between the political Zionists and the leaders of Islamic World. The war must be conducted in such a way that Islam (the Moslem Arabic World) and political Zionism (the State of Israel) mutually destroy each other."

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 20:23 | 5068303 29.5
29.5's picture

picture the cowboy representing the usa

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UG760huFuVk

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:54 | 5066336 john39
john39's picture

>>first terror state...

well, to be accurate, maybe second or third after the U.S. and Israel... but then again, isn't ISIS just U.S./Israeli proxy army anyway?   this shit is getting pretty old.

 

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:48 | 5066729 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

Chaos

no rules

no one knows who are their friends and who are their enemies

Probably safest to think of everyone as an enemy, which is exactly where they want us. A lack of trust in anyone makes it pretty damned hard to organize any kind of resistance.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 15:23 | 5066914 rocker
rocker's picture
Be assured, we have no friends in the middle east. Never had, never will. We blew up their families. Their children watched. Where do you think this next generation of thugs came from. As comment above says. We trained them, gave them our weapons and pissed them off. How did they never think it would ever go wrong. Kind of funny, I have a picture of Rumsfeld shaking Saddam Hussein’s hand condoning his leadership that we installed. Later Rummy takes him out because he offended Bush’s father. Simply Amazing. 
Sat, 08/09/2014 - 04:29 | 5069217 Lore
Lore's picture

I work with Muslims who understand quite clearly that the collective "We" does not apply to normal working-class people in western countries. "We" in the sense you mean refers to a bunch of self-serving psychopaths in positions of power who have hijacked our major institutions and corporations and are sucking capital from society in order to preserve their oligarchy. "We" are not "Them," never have been, never will be. Our government is not our own. Our democratic institutions are reduced to a sham. Psychopaths are natural destroyers, liars and cheats, manipulating others as they work to "shape" society in their own broken image.

This "ISIS" does not pass the stink test any more than its precursors and counterparts.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 15:56 | 5067148 ebear
ebear's picture

"They have to be thinking "Damn, this is why they trained us?  Just to be a goddamn scape goat""

The US has a long history of betraying its "friends."  I doubt the ISIS leadership was surprised - if anything, they've been expecting it and have prepared for the eventuality.


Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:03 | 5066404 ejmoosa
ejmoosa's picture

The US Government's elite may have little to fear.  The citizens of the US are another story.  

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:07 | 5066435 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

Ya suppose that is why we just will not bomb them (at least three public requests by Iraqis) unless they are quite literally about to kill Americans?

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:03 | 5065946 gcjohns1971
gcjohns1971's picture

That will soundly defeat gun control efforts.

Long Gun manufacturers.

It will be interesting what the world will says when video evidence shows there are 150 million armed gunmen in the US.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:26 | 5066099 Manthong
Manthong's picture

..and I would suspect there are more than few million of them that could arm a dozen or two more.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:40 | 5066198 Slave
Slave's picture

Hello! =)

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:46 | 5066257 Chief KnocAHoma
Chief KnocAHoma's picture

Bring it you rag head motherfuckers! This is exactly what is needed... a fucking wake up call to all those that don't understand the muslems are at war with us.

The sooner they are awoken, the sooner we can obliterate this scourge.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:21 | 5066542 p00k1e
p00k1e's picture

Um, didn’t your type say the same about Illegals?  Does the Minuteman Project ring any bells? 

*Covered mouth “Tee-Hee”.

Lazy rhetoric.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 15:04 | 5066826 p00k1e
p00k1e's picture

Whoever negged my post....

Here's your big break:

From Drudge -

Sheriff: Mexican immigrant gangs 'in military fatigues' marching through south Texas...

OR you going to wait?

 

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 16:07 | 5067229 ebear
ebear's picture

Man, don't you GET IT?   THEY want you to shoot up Mexicans and Moslems.

 

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 15:27 | 5066932 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

They are ALL out to get us! Does it really matter who is first? There is no treaty that will fix things. Even the trumpeted democracy is useless in the face of what exists. If people are as divided as American seems to be, what chance in hell does a country like Iraq or any other country full of people who have been murdering each other for years, have of having a functioning democracy. Trust is dead. It is long dead and buried in Israel...for all involved. It is dying in America as we watch the last gasps of The One, The messiah who was going to end division, eliminate racism, no red and blue states, showing us the absolute depravity of himself as well as his office. Nope. No trust, no hope, just look after yourself and your loved ones because everyone is out to get you.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 15:03 | 5066805 eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

Who trained and armed those rag heads?  Oh Yeah!  We did!

http://www.veteranstoday.com/2014/06/20/the-u-s-trained-terrorist-group-...

Ever since America drained its oil fields American policy has been to destabilize the ME and keep it under desperate conditions, so that we can swoop in and help them out here or there in exchange for keeping a steady supply of cheap oil flowing to the US.  Occasionally our policy is going to come back and bite us in the ass.  Even more problematic is that after four decades the rest of the world, and not just the ME, is beginning to figure out our policy and they aren't real happy about it.

Edit: I upvoted you even though I don't think we need to interfere over there any more, just because I like your style.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 15:38 | 5067015 Oldwood
Oldwood's picture

Does it really matter who trained them if they come to your door? We have zero control over our government. they could be the devil himself or Christ on the cross for all we know. The point is to know who your enemies are and not spend a lot of time rationalizing or justifying. When comes down to choosing sides you better be on your own side.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 19:37 | 5068116 espirit
espirit's picture

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose. "Joplin"

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 20:41 | 5068377 Optimusprime
Optimusprime's picture

"Kristofferson".

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 15:24 | 5066919 Bangin7GramRocks
Bangin7GramRocks's picture

Johnny get your gun. You first asshole! I'll fire when one kicks down my door. Until then, I won't fall for this bullshit. You don't even know whose side is with your own country, but you know we should just kill me' all. Groovy thinkin' Lincoln!

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:03 | 5065957 Hal n back
Hal n back's picture

I do not understand why they just don't wait til they can come in over the border become citizens and voters, and vote in their own leadership--might take a couple of decades all they have to do is make sure they settle in key states to control Congress.Set up a few lobbies and voila, they have control.

 

of course the concept of myderdom (sp)  is gone,

 

 

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:49 | 5066290 dontgoforit
dontgoforit's picture

Already been done:  Barak Hussein Soetoro Obama il-Shariff.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:10 | 5065999 exonomic halfbreed
exonomic halfbreed's picture

Woolsey gave a public warning about how vulnerable our transformers are to a small group of men with deer rifles and called for hardening the grid and increasing security.  Time for me to get that 10kw generator to back my tractor up to.  

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:11 | 5066478 DadzMad
DadzMad's picture

Hell, I've seen kids with 22's take out an entire small town substaion with a well placed or lucky shot at an insulator.  They didn't wreck it right awway and probably just moved on, but the shot casued a crack, which allowed for tracking and viola, free fireworks show on a hot, muggy summer day with a lot of load.  There is no hardening, just redundancy to reduce the effect.  The cost would be insurmountable.

You really want to fuck up someone's day you take a chainsaw out in the sticks and have at it with some class 2 doug fir transmission lines just before a windstorm.  Way too many wooden transmission lines out there in my opinion.

There are a million different ways....get that generator sooner than later. 

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:21 | 5066539 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

There's someone at the door for you.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:39 | 5066683 agNau
agNau's picture

Plan coming together.
Recall a government procurement order placed for bidding on dynamite and detonators, etc. Within the last six months I believe. I believe this was ordered for state dept.(embassies) Cannot imagine why they would need those things.
Also just heard there was another Government order for bidding on hazardous material dumpsters and service for fema camps. This bidding request was placed in January 14'.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 16:48 | 5067433 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

"waste removal industry vendors that can potentially provide either dumpster service and/or bio-medical waste collection and removal services during emergency response events within the Continental United States (CONUS) area of responsibility."

"Indefinite delivery.  Indefinite quantity."

"contractor(s) must be ... capable of meeting FEMA's emergency response task orders for delivering 40-yard size dumpsters with waste removing services and establishing bio-medical hazard waste removal services within time requirements, throughout the full duration of the contract."

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 15:37 | 5067003 Max Cynical
Max Cynical's picture
U.S. Risks National Blackout From Small-Scale Attack

Federal Analysis Says Sabotage of Nine Key Substations Is Sufficient for Broad Outage

The U.S. could suffer a coast-to-coast blackout if saboteurs knocked out just nine of the country's 55,000 electric-transmission substations on a scorching summer day, according to a previously unreported federal analysis.

A small number of the country's substations play an outsize role in keeping power flowing across large regions. The FERC analysis indicates that knocking out nine of those key substations could plunge the country into darkness for weeks, if not months.

http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB1000142405270230402010457943367028...

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:05 | 5066424 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

I said in 2001 that if I were a terrorist hellbent on crushing the American economy and I had assets in the US that I would have them attack churches, malls, gas stations, or any place where people tend to gather in numbers.  Sniping, ala the DC sniper, would also be highly effective.  The point is they could do a lot of these things without losing their assets, at least initially and people would just stop going out, assuming you had enough assets to make the attacks utterly random in terms of location and time.  Heck, the snipers could just focus on police.  The police would armor up and hide in tanks or behind bulletproof booths.  That alone would scare a lot of people into chaning routines and behavior. 

It is very interesting that such simple and inexpensive tactics have not been applied.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:16 | 5066517 onthesquare
onthesquare's picture

The USSA could always borrow the Isreal-lies "Iron Dome"

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:10 | 5066464 onthesquare
onthesquare's picture

The new suicide warrior will be armed the latest ebola virus and walk right into Barrie's bedroom

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 15:51 | 5067114 fishmonger
fishmonger's picture

From your lips to God's ears...

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 16:10 | 5067250 The Phallic Crusader
The Phallic Crusader's picture

any chance they'll hit DC?

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 16:44 | 5067416 Mesquite
Mesquite's picture

"Hope and Change" baby, hope and change...

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:23 | 5066077 freewolf7
freewolf7's picture

Reminds me of Wile E Coyote and the sheep dog at shift change, punching the clock.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 16:46 | 5067422 forensicator
forensicator's picture

TPTB want Woar

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:46 | 5065823 HamRove
HamRove's picture

Free Reign...not rain

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:54 | 5065892 thatthingcanfly
thatthingcanfly's picture

That's "free rein."

Not "reign," or "rain."

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:58 | 5065911 Anarchy 99
Anarchy 99's picture

who knows, maybe they gave free cloud seeding.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:01 | 5065927 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

Free Hat!

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 15:53 | 5067126 fishmonger
fishmonger's picture

Free phones and healthcare!

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:16 | 5066037 gcjohns1971
gcjohns1971's picture

Unless your name is John Kerry.

In that case it is definitely 'reign' if not 'saddle'.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:25 | 5066568 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Actually, that's "rein" and that's where the expression comes from (horses in general, not John Kerry specifically)

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 15:57 | 5067163 Jstanley011
Jstanley011's picture

On the plane? In Spain?

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 20:50 | 5068409 Optimusprime
Optimusprime's picture

People have forgotten about horses.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:59 | 5065917 maskone909
maskone909's picture

im just full of reign makers today.  their has to be a better way. 

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:11 | 5066007 freewolf7
freewolf7's picture

Cloudy, with a chance of F-18s.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:33 | 5066144 Manthong
Manthong's picture

..scattered drones giving way to mostly sunny.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:36 | 5066173 Manthong
Manthong's picture

..except low visibility in dusty areas due to drone activity.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 15:24 | 5066922 fockewulf190
fockewulf190's picture

Obama will be tested.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:57 | 5065900 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

Stupid fucks!

How do they think they will get across the border?

HEY ISIS! You think you can just walk into the USA and infect or kill Americans, with terrorism, a robbery "gone wrong" or a DUI you are revealing your stupidity!

Fortress America, her people productive and united, her Military powerful and undefeated since 1945, he coffers flush with cash LAUGHS AT YOU!

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:04 | 5065950 Quus Ant
Quus Ant's picture

Wow.  That got this Amerigun's red blood pumpin'!

Alright.  Where's a terrorist? 

Say the word and let's roll.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:19 | 5066061 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

Satire, thy new name is sarcasm.

Or were you being sarcastic, too?

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:23 | 5066082 Quus Ant
Quus Ant's picture

Get behind the war effort, LF.

Our way of life is under threat- this is no time to purse or parse.

To the drones!

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:45 | 5066248 Manthong
Manthong's picture

.one if by southern border..

..two if by southern border..

…three if by your freaking airport where a costly government agency isn’t worth jack-s except to bother people.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:12 | 5066487 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

Don't worry about ISIS or what the meaning of is is.  They are small in number and do not relicate very fast.  Ebola and it's cousins on the other hand...

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:40 | 5066212 tony wilson
tony wilson's picture

raftermanfmj calm down buddy

put your erection away nobody like lookin at a circumcised prick.

isis are israel

the script is zionist hollywood land jew.

get back to chewin your grits and eatin your gefelter fish moses

 

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:16 | 5066502 Bunghole
Bunghole's picture

You missed his sarcasm Tony

Not everybody is as blunt as you.

Sat, 08/09/2014 - 00:30 | 5068733 conscious being
conscious being's picture

Tony, Tony, Tony, friendly fire disaster. Take it off full auto or you can't shoot straight.

RafterManFMJ always rocks.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:53 | 5066755 rbg81
rbg81's picture

You think you can just walk into the USA and ....

This is a joke right?  'Cause I can personally vouch for the fact that those who have the most trouble getting back into the USA these days are actual citizens.

All they have to do is walk across the Mexican border and they'll be treated like royalty.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 16:32 | 5067369 ebear
ebear's picture

One does not simply walk into the USA.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:38 | 5065974 JuliaS
JuliaS's picture

Before invading Kuwait with US weapons, Saddam had a meeting with a US foreign policy secretary seeking approval. He was told that US simply didn't want to be involved and hoped for a quick resolution. He interpreted it as a "go-ahead".

On a side note, I remember people bringing attention to the fact that the US always referred to the Iraqi leader on first-name basis. Not Mr. Hussein. If they did, it would sure get confusing. First one Hussein was running the country, now we've got the other. It's like they knew ahead of time.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 22:35 | 5068745 conscious being
conscious being's picture

Rìght April Gillespie was the Ambassador he spoke with.  What ever became of April?

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 17:43 | 5067660 petolo
petolo's picture

Iraqese going to be needing a lot more free rain if them folks blow up those dams.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 19:07 | 5067979 Buck Johnson
Buck Johnson's picture

Yep.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:40 | 5065780 BaBaBouy
BaBaBouy's picture

Well... It Is Time For A New War... Even The POPE Is Calling For It.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:51 | 5065866 813kml
813kml's picture

The modern Crusades.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:54 | 5065888 Keyser
Keyser's picture

If the neo-cons have their way, I see a future of the ME being covered in green glass with holes drilled in it to extract the black gold... 

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:14 | 5066374 Manthong
Manthong's picture

I am considering crowd sourcing a start-up with a line of designer chainmaille fashions.

If you keep your smart phone under the lapel it will not only protect your skin from the radiation hazard, it will block GPS and cell tower triangulation tracking.

And of course, the clothing will help to protect from the occasional radical ISIS scimitar attack.

.and maybe a padded breastplate of titanium and Kevlar with a cinch at the waist for that slender, chique look.

Anybody want in?

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:16 | 5066506 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

Does it come in pink?  Just got back from a 3,000 mile road trip and holy shiite!  Saw so many men wearing pink shorts or pink pants that I thought I was in P-town the whole time. 

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:24 | 5066549 Manthong
Manthong's picture

We could do it in stainless and thread some red LED's through it

That would be pretty freaking hot.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:46 | 5066722 Manthong
Manthong's picture

My metallurgist just dropped in with a design that is in anti-Ebola aseptic silver and platinum.

It's going to be a bit pricey, but we figure there is a market in the City-of London, Manhattan and Rodeo Drive.

He suggested a foil version for the Wal-Mart or Ghetto Dollar crowd.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 16:22 | 5067314 Moe Howard
Moe Howard's picture

Make sure it has a high, brass collar to stop those back of the neck chops.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:18 | 5066525 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

Early adopter, right here.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:13 | 5066014 gcjohns1971
gcjohns1971's picture

Well this is the Pope that openly advocated theft and redistribution a.k.a. Socialism.

Why would he act differently than the other socialists in western europe like, say, Hollande?

 

What's the difference at this moment between the Pope and Hollande?  Holland doesn't wear a dress.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 18:10 | 5067742 americanspirit
americanspirit's picture

This is also the Pope who was real cozy with the Generals in Argentina and helped them find new homes for the poor orphans whose parents had 'disappeared". A regular sweetheart.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 22:43 | 5068761 conscious being
conscious being's picture

Not homes. Satanic ritual murders need to source their victims somewhere, some how. Having video of you congress critter, general, judge, banker doing the hokey-pokey at said ritual makes for bullet proof blackmail material.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:44 | 5065804 yogibear
yogibear's picture

From Hyde Park, Chicago.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 16:06 | 5067220 Dugald
Dugald's picture

 

 

Ariel spray........pigs blood.........get the idea?

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 16:53 | 5067443 Overfed
Overfed's picture

The Little Mermaid?

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 20:56 | 5068430 Optimusprime
Optimusprime's picture

Full fadom five thy father lies...

 

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:25 | 5066090 Antifaschistische
Antifaschistische's picture

LOL...exactly.   I'm fully convinced myself and one buddy could cause more trouble roaming around the US performing random acts of mischef than the entire ISIS army.   The truth is, anyone could be a "boston bomber" if they wanted to.   The fact that these events aren't happening means ISIS is just another panty waisted pseudo threat....a puppet of someone who's making a lot of money off of crying wolf terrorist.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:48 | 5066269 Eirik Magnus Larssen
Eirik Magnus Larssen's picture

The Western public still seems to crave an enemy it can be continously hostile to. It's disturbing to see how little things change.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:08 | 5066440 Zerozen
Zerozen's picture

That whipping boy for the Western (mostly Anglo-American) public would be Russia. Has been since the Brits lost the Crimean War.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 15:37 | 5067004 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

Crimean War was fought to (pre-emptively) keep Russia from taking Constantinople, and taking the choicest bits of the Ottoman Empire for itself (which of course, France and Britain wanted for themselves).

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 20:59 | 5068450 Optimusprime
Optimusprime's picture

The Brits didn't lose the Crimean War--more's the pity.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 15:01 | 5066727 rbg81
rbg81's picture

Calling for attacks on US interests, eh?  Gee, I'm shaking in my boots as no one has ever done that before.  Right??  Having a fucking Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube account is a must have for terrorists and/or drama queens these days.  

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 17:25 | 5067573 mt paul
mt paul's picture

they want

our porn...

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:36 | 5065739 Urban Redneck
Urban Redneck's picture

I guess the ebola thing wasn't getting the administration the traction they desired with rescinding civil rights and violating human rights fast enough... time to recycle the Darth Cheney playbook.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:49 | 5065846 VATICANT
VATICANT's picture

Darth Cheney will be bunkering in the white mountains as well when the nukes start flying. Fuck Darth Cheney. America is so done. By 2017 it'll be a New World

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:27 | 5066106 pods
pods's picture

I thought Frodo destroyed the ring, how the hell is Cheney still around?

pods

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:46 | 5066258 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

You may call him Lord Sauron from here on out.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 16:16 | 5067287 Dugald
Dugald's picture

 

Frodo.....did'nt he make brake shoes/pads

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:36 | 5065747 zorba THE GREEK
zorba THE GREEK's picture

9/11 is just 5 weeks away....here we go back to color coded terror levels....purple is 

an intense color, let's add that one to the top.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:29 | 5066002 Quus Ant
Quus Ant's picture

oh god...

can I opt out? 

Like, is there a grown up table I could chill at while the kids food fight?

My already taxed patience is running razor thin for folks who can't see through this chtuff.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:22 | 5066073 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

As in The Color Purple.

Mistah done told miss Effy already, dammit!  Does Mistah have to smack up a bitch?

that Danny Glover plays a great Ike Turner!

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:42 | 5066228 Postal
Postal's picture

Ms. Postal likes her purple friend...

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 17:00 | 5067469 ebear
ebear's picture

Blue Alert!   Blue Alert!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qa_gZ_7sdZg

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:40 | 5065748 Leonardo Fibonacci2
Leonardo Fibonacci2's picture

 Obama with an AK47  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhxqIITtTtU

This is what happens to a guy that proposes CHANGE, he sprays you with bullets of war!! Moar war....

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:53 | 5066766 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

Did you see the one about Idi Amin's machete chimps?  Seems chimps were taught to use machetes to guard bunkers in the jungle but now they are teaching each other and spreading the knowledge.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:43 | 5065808 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:57 | 5065909 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

Ah yes...

The most feared of the Al Qaeda/FSA/ISIS threats

Fatima ali-bin Cunton!

She warned the United States Government in 2011 that they created it and that she would forever be a problem during her days as a terrorist (in office)!!!

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:01 | 5065925 Anarchy 99
Anarchy 99's picture

actually, the more her face is covered, the better (less worse?) she looks. maybe a pillow for 120 seconds?

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:05 | 5065964 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

You can't accomplish anything in 120 seconds in such dry, barren, hostile conditions.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:10 | 5066003 Anarchy 99
Anarchy 99's picture

damn, 120 seconds will just cause brain damage, wait......too late!

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:12 | 5066019 freewolf7
freewolf7's picture

Is that her O face?

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:40 | 5066203 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

If ISIS starts selling "ISIS" bumper stickers and lapel pins on Ebay then I'll know we're in trouble.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 22:55 | 5068775 conscious being
conscious being's picture

They could put together a lobbying group to get more funding for their project.

They could call it the American ISIS Political Action Commitee - AIPAC. They could create a lot of little feeder PACs to disguise their true scale and ... Oh, hold on AIPAC is taken already?!? Never mind.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:45 | 5066242 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

No wonder Bill didn't have sex with that woman.......Ms. Clintonsky.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:52 | 5066313 king leon
king leon's picture

Is this another Bush for President?

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:47 | 5065825 Canadian Dirtlump
Canadian Dirtlump's picture

the CIA sound stage looks great.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:47 | 5065830 Thom_333
Thom_333's picture

And the ISIS have Stingers courtesy of Benghazi.Makes for unsafe air travel.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:57 | 5065904 nmewn
nmewn's picture

#LetOurStingersGo

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:09 | 5065992 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

Please, ISIS fiends, do not attack Chase's Jamie Dimon, nor their senior executives.

Please, ISIS fiends, do not attack the senior executives at Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, Bank of America, Citigroup and Wells Fargo.

And most of all, ISIS fiends, do not attack the US Supreme Court.

Thank you.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:55 | 5066774 TheReplacement
TheReplacement's picture

Why would they attack the paymasters?

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 15:41 | 5067028 Berspankme
Berspankme's picture

Dear ISIS, please hang loose until congress finishes their vacation. It's best to have them all in one place. Thank you

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 13:13 | 5066026 junction
junction's picture

Deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole.

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:13 | 5066492 JLee2027
JLee2027's picture

But Jack Burton says the CIA created ISIS. Was he wrong?

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 14:17 | 5066516 Bossman1967
Bossman1967's picture

Exactly. Guessing n malls or movies for me I cant beleive that this fuck head went to war half ass again and knowing they are here when he had his cousins come over. So give him a peace prize again cause we all know he can just stick this one up his ass again

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 15:32 | 5066981 Bloppy
Bloppy's picture

Come on, guys, you know Kate Upton is the only thing that really matters.

Until missiles are heading for our doorstep (even then, who knows?):

http://tinyurl.com/pyzyxm7


Sat, 08/09/2014 - 08:28 | 5069377 Seize Mars
Seize Mars's picture

She is epic. Epic, I tell you!!

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!