A "Frightened" Gartman On War And The "Vagaries Of Trading"

Tyler Durden's picture


The world is suddenly a very sad place: people killing people across the globe, deadly viral epidemics claiming over a thousand, hate crimes, human misery and drama at levels not seen in years. What is one to do to find a little precious humor? Why read this latest Dennis Gartman excerpt ahead of his daily CNBC appearance of course.

To wit:

The “War” fears on Friday that seemed so palpable and so serious were erased within hours and several of the positions we had had on and were frightened out of because of these war scares turned sharply back in what would have been our favour. Such are the vagaries of “war” and such are the vagaries of trading. We were “frightened” out of the short Brent/Long WTI trades; we were “frightened” out of the short positions in crude generally, and we were frightened out of the short Yen/long “English” speaking currency positions. We’ll return to the Yen related positions sooner rather than later; we’ll almost certainly return to the short Brent/long WTI spread sooner, too, rather than later, but for now we’ll bide our time, wounds licked and bound in the process.

The smile alone is worth the $29.95.

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Mon, 08/11/2014 - 15:44 | 5078216 SloMoe
SloMoe's picture
"A Frightened Gartman?"

BTFD homies....

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 15:48 | 5078231 power steering
power steering's picture

Ebola also frightened him out of his long fruit bat/short cassava hedge

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 15:51 | 5078259 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

He must have dropped it on his foot...

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:14 | 5078397 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Gartman is a shill extraordinaire, I mean this guy still gets coverage on cnbc week after week with atrocious calls. I am certain he wouldnt mind embarassing himself by literally shitting his pants on cnbc if he could make a few more bucks misleading sheepish clueless investors....

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:18 | 5078421 synergize
synergize's picture

I'm still thinking about that long fruit bat/short cassava trade.  Now, only if there were an ETF...

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 17:41 | 5078833 SuperRay
SuperRay's picture

Dennis, Dennis, haven't you learned yet?  You BUY when you're afraid and SELL when you're greedy...

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 18:02 | 5078898 BrosephStiglitz
BrosephStiglitz's picture

An enthusiastic producer snorts a Sheen-sized line of coke before addressing Dennis:

Hey.. G-dawg, babe, do you think you could soil yourself on TV to drive the fear home?  Our marketing team says it would be electric and our customer surveys corroborate.

D-Gart with a shit-eating grin:

I guess the only question now is...
pinstripe, or tweed..

Wed, 08/13/2014 - 02:23 | 5085977 PiratePiggy
PiratePiggy's picture

"It is always nice to be Sean"   - Dennis Gartman

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 15:54 | 5078278 Eireann go Brach
Eireann go Brach's picture

Obama's next Treasury Secretary!

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 15:44 | 5078221 gdiamond22
gdiamond22's picture


Mon, 08/11/2014 - 15:49 | 5078246 Itchy and Scratchy
Itchy and Scratchy's picture

Fear+ Greed = Equity Markets!

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 15:49 | 5078256 Tenshin Headache
Tenshin Headache's picture

Don't forget the Ignorance.

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 15:52 | 5078274 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

I never forget a face...,

but, have we met?

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 15:49 | 5078254 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

Slow week so far.    Nothing new happening.    When's Vlad rolling the armored divisions?   

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:12 | 5078381 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

You mean the heavily armored humanitarian missions?  Shortly.

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 15:57 | 5078295 drinkin koolaid
drinkin koolaid's picture

I get "frightened" whenever Fartman gets long gold. I then know it's time to hedge my long gold position.

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:03 | 5078330 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Gartman is about to take the "Bearded Potato of the Year" award away from Krugman.

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:24 | 5078464 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

I'm $eeing a new accesessory here for the Mr. Potato Head toy.

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:04 | 5078336 Kilgore Trout
Kilgore Trout's picture

"favour"? He seriously said "favour"?

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:10 | 5078369 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

When you charge 30 bucks a month for your newsletter, sometimes you have to church it up a little.

Take a guess how he spells potato.  

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:23 | 5078445 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

G-A-R-T-M-A-N, no?

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:06 | 5078348 monopoly
monopoly's picture

Does any one listen to this useless idiot?

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:26 | 5078472 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

You just did via ZH.

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:13 | 5078389 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Vagary really means truth and lies are at war with basic common sense. So what else is new ..?

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:19 | 5078428 DirkDiggler11
DirkDiggler11's picture

Fartman is $$$$, just trade the opposite of what he reccomends. Thanks Dennis, you're out, I'm all in !!!

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:25 | 5078466 Whatta
Whatta's picture

All those things...sounds like any other "normal" day here on planet Earth. If you can't eat it of eff it...KILL IT before it kills you first!

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:26 | 5078473 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Baby sounds like he needs some trannies.

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:32 | 5078503 AC_Doctor
AC_Doctor's picture

That dick weasel Gartman need to eat more bush meat!

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 19:34 | 5079433 Implied Violins
Implied Violins's picture

I think it's time to go loooonnngg on meat and bloody some assholes.

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:34 | 5078509 youngman
youngman's picture

For all that IS GOING ON...Gold and Silver are not doing anything...nothing..nada....forgotten relics...very strange...but then again the whole market right now is very strange...I got those tinglies on my back...just does not feel right

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:39 | 5078539 NDXTrader
NDXTrader's picture

This was music to every market maker's ears

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:41 | 5078545 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

lol "Wounds licked and bound in the process." That salty old DOG Gartman can still reach his balls...

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:43 | 5078557 homebody
homebody's picture

Can't wait to see this idiot and many others piled up at the door like the impressive mountain of Chinese garbage when the sheeple whistle finally blows. 

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 16:51 | 5078609 Salsipuedes
Salsipuedes's picture

Yeah, that was pretty funny... I guess. Can he sing or dance?

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 17:01 | 5078673 Not Goldman Sachs
Not Goldman Sachs's picture

Stale turd.

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 20:24 | 5079690 harleyjohn45
harleyjohn45's picture

Gartman has never been right in his entire life, how does get any space in a column.

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 21:20 | 5079965 Gringo Viejo
Gringo Viejo's picture

Humorous cocksucker. Almost as funny as Robin Williams.

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