WTF White House Statement Of The Day: Syria Airstrikes Edition

Tyler Durden's picture

When President Obama bragged earlier that "The United States is and will remain the one indispensable nation in the world..." adding that "no other nation can do what we do," we should have guessed some more war-mongering was coming... and sure enough. As AP reports, it appears Syrian airstrikes are on their way, but there's a mind-blowing twist in US foreign policy: "In an effort to avoid unintentionally strengthening the Syrian government, the White House could seek to balance strikes against the Islamic State with attacks on Assad regime targets." In the words of the Guinness commercial, Brilliant.

As AP reports,

The intelligence gathered by U.S. military surveillance flights over Syria could support a broad bombing campaign against the Islamic State militant group, but current and former U.S. officials differ on whether air power would significantly degrade what some have called a "terrorist army."


"Air power needs to be applied like a thunderstorm, not a drizzle," Deptula said, entailing "24-7 overwatch with force application on every move of ISIL personnel."

Further complicating the plans, any military action against Islamic State militants in Syria would also have the effect of putting the U.S. on the same side as Syrian President Bashar Assad, whose ouster the Obama administration has sought for years.

So first Iran and now Syria are best buddies with America?  Well we can't have that...

The U.S. is not cooperating or sharing intelligence with the Assad government, Pentagon and State Department spokesmen said. But the U.S. flights are occurring in eastern Syria, away from most of Syria's air defenses. And experts expressed doubt that Syria would attempt to shoot down American aircraft that are paving the way for a possible bombing campaign against Assad's enemies.




In an effort to avoid unintentionally strengthening the Syrian government, the White House could seek to balance strikes against the Islamic State with attacks on Assad regime targets. However, that option is largely unappealing to the president given that it could open the U.S. to the kind of long-term commitment to Syria's stability that Obama has sought to avoid.


*  *  *

So to summarize:

...the limited airstrikes in Iraq (which the Iraqi government did not ask for) now appear to be expanding into '24/7 carpet-bombing' of ISIS targets in Syria (which the US are not asking permission or forgiveness for) and in the interests of "fairness doctrine" America will bomb al-Assad's military installations to maintain some 'balance' between the moderate terrorists, extreme terrorists (and national armies), and scary-as-shit terrorists...

Is there something we missed?

White House spokesman Josh Earnest on Monday tried to tamp down the notion that action against the Islamic State group could bolster Assad, saying, "We're not interested in trying to help the Assad regime." However, he acknowledged that "there are a lot of cross pressures here."

"Cross-pressures" indeed. And all humanitarian.

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Charles Wilson's picture

When will Urban Renewal come to 1600 Penn Ave?

Inquiring minds want to know...

CCanuck's picture

This inquiring mind says..FUCK OBAMA and the wookie he rode in on...Im sick of this POS!

ymom11's picture

It seems we are slowly descending into insanity land.

Liberal's picture

As a staunch liberal, I strongly believe president Obama deserves another Nobel Peace prize for this.

TungstenBars's picture

"As a staunch liberal,..."


gets me every time +1

VATICANT's picture

And he can suck a mean cock!

Pinto Currency's picture



Destruction and disruption of oil producing nations continues.

Not that there is any fear about USD and oil.

Holleyman's picture

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

Drunk In Church's picture

I'm really glad that we''ve decided to bomb Syria.  I just hope we smarten up and put boots on the ground.  The Middle East desperately needs stern parenting.  The United States military is just what the doctor ordered. 

BlindMonkey's picture

Won't somebody ask questions when the ME countries go to school with black eyes? The US gov is the drunken, raping step-dad of parents.

0b1knob's picture

There's a scene in the old Woody Allen comedy Bananas where the US fights on both sides of a war so that whichever side wins it will be "our" side.

The Obama administration has outdone Woody Allen

DonutBoy's picture

Really - we're going to bomb both sides?  Wow.  We've forgotten the first rule of holes.

tonyw's picture

simple solution, just kill them all and let their god(s) sort them out.

get's them all to the promised land much faster, what's not to like?



Dugald's picture

get's them all to the promised land much faster, what's not to like?

Have some thought for the poor sods in the Virgin preparation section, how do you expect them to cope, or are you thinking of making quota with non muslim virgins?



BurningFuld's picture

The absolute complete total best way to strengthen the Assad regime?

Bomb it.

What a bunch of mental midgets.

BlindMonkey's picture

Please tell me that cat is on ZH.  That is some QUALITY mockery.

Sandmann's picture

Why not bomb Israel and resolve a few major problems ?

VATICANT's picture

I wake up every day hoping today is the day Israel gets bombed

Rakshas's picture

I was thinking bombing the US would solve many problems but they did that already......twice....Pearl Harbour......then because it worked so well the first time  a New Pearl Harbour... and it only made things worser....... need a game changer 

Ploutos74's picture

The only country close enough to threaten Israel, still standing in one piece is Saudi Arabia.

Latest Strat-zion free editorial dropped hints on the Saudis coming undone soon, in a theatre near you.

Watch this (vast, oil-producing) space...

Richardk888's picture

@ Drunk In Church

Fucking Moron!

Thats just what we need is to spend money on weapons to destroy, occupy, then "rebuild" another sovereign nation without a declaration of war.

PhilofOz's picture

Another ChickenHawk! Just so long as you and your family are there on the front line to throw the first stone.... but we all know none of that is ever gonna happen is it?! Mouth!!

jballz's picture


I wasted 2 minutes of my life reading your asshatter blog.

Literary tip - you can leave your bathroom tripis out of your blog entries. While nobody likely gives a fuck about the rest of it, rest assured nobody gives a fuck to read that. 

You're welcoome.

UselessEater's picture

LOL!!! he keeps changing his handle, so avoid wasting another 2 minutes by learning to recognise whatever Elvis The Pelvis calls himself toomorrow......

StandardDeviant's picture

A technical solution would be nice: ZH could start automatically blocking any posts which contain a link to certain widely-pimped blogs.

barre-de-rire's picture

there is a lil something in the air... a smelly sounding melody of a "je ne sais quoi"...oh... i think i got it... the sound of the fire crackling.

hmm yea, fire everywhere. that's it. the whole place is fucking burning & they piss gazoline on it.

RafterManFMJ's picture

Excellent choice - a PC war where EVERY side gets a trophy, er, bombing strike.

And I'll bet neither Obama or the Pentagon is keeping score; just participating is the goal.

Groundhog Day's picture

Sticks and stones may break their bones but WORDS will never hurt them. They are all sociopaths. They are probably reading zh posts and laughing their asses off.

MakeMineADouble's picture

Well, while he is sucking cock.  Where is Putin??  What the hell is going on??  I feel played.  

StychoKiller's picture

Assad:  "Yo Vlad, I'll be taking delivery of those SA-300s and SA-400s right about now..."

forensicator's picture

come on, I hear Reggie is a lovable guy. 

john39's picture

No, Eurasia is our ally.  We have always been at war with Eastasia.

balolalo's picture


So far the active participants are:

United States



Islamic State... whatever the fuck it is









Saudi Arabia









South Sudan





I am sure I am missing some...

Are we all seriously going to wait until it is "officially" declared? 

balolalo's picture


And Ebola created in Langley, don't forget.  Bio-depopulation warfare.   

DonutBoy's picture

Right. The CIA is really that smart.  We should be so lucky

Ides of November's picture

US bombing Syria/ Assad clears the way for Russia to bomb Ukraine/ Porky et al.

Yep, looks like someone is pushing hard to get this thing started before the Northern Winter.

IndyPat's picture

And the Mexican Dreamer Army..whatever the fuck that is.

jballz's picture

They are the ones who will fight the Free Shit Army in the last days when no nation states remain.

Says so in my bible. Don't worry though the Amish come from behind and kill them all and they live happpily ever after.

Fuckin sneaky Amish.




WOAR's picture

Beware the deaf Amish with dynamite. They are some kick ass honkies.

barre-de-rire's picture


So far the active participants are:

United States



Islamic State...   SLUTS








Are we all seriously going to wait until it is "officially" "necessary" declared?

esum's picture

Islamic State...   SLUTS


no no no


ISLAMIC ANAL JIHADIS...... as approved by the local fatwa

in addition west virginia is not the only state to allow bro and isis , sis to marry

“The new jihad allows brothers and sisters in Syria belonging to the [al-Qaeda linked] al-Nusra Front to marry each other under the name of jihad because of the lack of girls among fighters of that organization.”

One man appears on video saying, “At the Zawia mountain there is an imam called Imam Hussein.  They bring him a brother and a sister, he says ‘Allahu Akbar’ on them three times to have sex together and make them husband and wife.” ..... just like west vagina... 


Saudi Cleric Issues Fatwa Against All-You-Can-Eat Buffets  Saudi Cleric Issues Fatwa against 'All You can Eat Buffets'Reuters

A Saudi cleric named Saleh al-Fawzan has issued fatwa against all-you-can-eat buffets in Saudi Arabia. He made the statement on a Saudi Quranic TV station.

Fawzan said the value and quantity of the food sold should be pre-determined before hand.

"Whoever enters the buffet and eats for 10 or 50 riyals without deciding the quantity they will eat is violating Sharia (Islamic) law," Fawzan was quoted on al-Atheer channel.

Mr Pink's picture


I've been saving the term "full retard" for just the right time. Thanks Obozo!