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No Bubble At All: Jessica Alba's Diaper-Delivery Startup Is Valued At $1 Billion, Prepares For IPO

Tyler Durden's picture




 

While today even the pundits are aghast at the latest Snapchat valuation round, which according to the WSJ has Kleiner Perkins inject a laughable $20 million into the private-parts photography service, boosting its valuation to a whopping $10 billion in a clear windowdressing mark-up round, up from $800 million a year ago, even as the actual equity invested into the company is a paltry $160 million or under 2% of said valuation, the true indicator of just how bubbly the second coming of the dot com era has become comes courtesy of none other than Jessica Alba's, yes the actress, own startup: a company launched in 2012 and which makes "non-toxic" diapers (as opposed to toxic diapers?), called the Honest Co., has raised $70 million at a valuation just shy of $1 billion in preparation for an IPO. 

Ridiculous? Well of course, but at least unlike Snapchat which still has zero revenue, there actually are idiots who will pay a premium to subscribe to hemp diapers, and the company does in fact have some revenue: "since launching in 2012 with its non-toxic diapers and other natural baby products, the California-based startup has grown quickly by blending its environmentally sensitive products with a social mission. Annual revenue is tracking to hit north of $150 million in 2014, or three times the revenue of 2013, according to Mr. Lee. Roughly 80% of Honest revenue is from customers who subscribe to a monthly service delivering diapers and other consumable products on a recurring basis."

It appears the customers of Honest Co are so stupid, or just so lazy, they prefer to pay an exorbitant premium for a commodity product just so they have a monthly diaper delivery on their front step. In other words, a service for the 0.001%, which will continue to generate revenue as long as Fed's uber ZIRP bubble continues and allows such other ridiculous business models as Tesla to not only survive but prosper.

Some more on how Jessica Alba is about to be a whole lot richer:

Along with the healthy lifestyle and cleaning products, which will soon include formula for babies and beauty products for moms, the startup is selling a feel-good mission. Like Toms Shoes Inc., Warby Parker Inc., Etsy Inc. and other e-commerce companies that use business to benefit social causes, Honest donates product and revenue. The company established programs like diaper and crib donations as part of its business model, earning it a B Corp certification from nonprofit group B Lab.

 

“Nowadays it’s about corporate responsibility. The consumer today demands this of companies and we are doing our part to help in any way we can,” Mr. Lee said.

 

Although the company has expanded its retail distributors during the past year from Whole Foods and Costco to include Target, Buy Buy Baby and Nordstrom, just 20% of sales occur offline.

 

Mr. Lee said that mix is a good balance for the company for now and the company has intentionally held back on marketing efforts because it is now at capacity fulfilling orders. The Series C funding round will be used to bankroll growth both in the U.S. and abroad.

In other words, this is just like a "supply-constrained" Tesla, only for diapers.

“We believe being a public company is the best path for us going forward and it’s good to get that validation early on,” Honest Chief Executive and Co-founder Brian Lee said, noting that public-markets investor Wellington Management Company led the Series C round. “I can’t say when that will be, but we are definitely starting to think and act like a public company.”

The existing investors are the who's who of venture capitalist for whom the initial round equity checks is also known as pocket money:

Along with Wellington Management Company, a handful of unnamed public financial institutions also participated in the round, as did all existing venture investors, a roster that includes Institutional Venture Partners, Iconiq Capital, Lightspeed Venture Partners and General Catalyst Partners.

 

The Honest Co., which employs 275, previously raised $52 million. Through an Honest spokesman, Wellington declined to comment.

 

“Having them as shareholders will help the team understand the metrics, traction and other things public-market investors are going to look for as they enter the market. Having them inside the tent instead of outside the tent makes that dialogue much more open.”

And, of course, the exit event is quite clear: "General Catalyst Partner and Honest board member Neil Sequeira said working with Wellington to lead the round was logical because the goal is an IPO."

Clearly, to IPO, the diaper delivery company will need an even greater upside story. Enter, what else, China.

In preparation for an IPO, Jessica Alba’s The Honest Co., a maker of eco-friendly baby products, has raised $70 million at a valuation just shy of $1 billion and is beginning partnership talks to expand to China, Dow Jones VentureWire has learned.

 

Jeremy Liew, a partner with early investor Lightspeed Venture Partners, said Ms. Alba, the actress-turned-entrepreneur who co-founded the company in 2011, has leveraged her star power for the benefit of the startup.

 

“She is an international star. We’re starting to see a lot of demand from her fans around the world,” he said. “This idea for non-toxic, chemical free products has resonated around the world in developed and developing countries.”

To summarize: an "sexy movie star", a whole lot of VCs seeking to cash out to get-rich-quick morons who have forgotten all about the sad ending of the first dot com bubble, a company that has a "unique product", a ridiculous, laughable, bizarre "business model", even if ultimately it is used to simply contain shit pardon our French, and the piece de resistance, "China."

What else is there to say. We expect the stock to soar over 100% on the day of its IPO, but for now here are some gratuitous shots of Jessica Alba:

 

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Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:22 | 5149505 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

I might buy one share just to receive the annual report. 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:26 | 5149520 whotookmyalias
whotookmyalias's picture

Jessica Alba.  Mmmmm.  Oh, did you say something?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:26 | 5149529 jbvtme
jbvtme's picture

shape shifter

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:28 | 5149548 walküre
walküre's picture

Anyone here old enough to remember Robotrader? He had the privilege to post pics and his pics were usually the hot kind. Made one forget all about the shorting losses for a minute.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:37 | 5149592 SumTing Wong
SumTing Wong's picture

I do remember robotrader. What fun he was.

As for the nontoxic type of diapers, I have two daughters not yet potty trained. There are many days I would have paid extra for them to have had nontoxic diapers. Something that cute shouldn't produce something that smelly.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:48 | 5149639 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Listen, if there's a hot chick who happens to be into diapers, who are we to cast aspersions?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:55 | 5149663 john39
john39's picture

all of the pics above ignore what is, imho, her best attribute...

http://youtu.be/BI3EZBatHYw

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:02 | 5149719 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

Thank you.  Really....thank you. That is the best gift I have received all year. 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:04 | 5149728 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture

 

 

Well, if you can't act; you might as well sell nappies...

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:10 | 5149745 Save_America1st
Save_America1st's picture

yep...smmmmmmmmokin' hot :-)

However...it's a little creepy and suspect that she would name the company "Honest"...that's usually a dead giveaway that the exact opposite is in play.  If she had put the word "Affordable" in there too, then I'd say run the other way fast with your investment capital.  But we can at least watch from the sidelines here on ZH and see how long it takes for it all to crash and burn.  Probably will go bankrupt due to some "DIShonest" business practices.  lol

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:10 | 5149759 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

One question: Does Jessica Alba deliver the diapers?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:16 | 5149768 Save_America1st
Save_America1st's picture

she'll pooh in one for you for 500 bucks and give you 10 shares of "Honest Co." stock.

for those of you sickos out there who are "into" that.  LOL

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:21 | 5149814 SafelyGraze
SafelyGraze's picture

as most of you know, me and Jess used to be kind of a big deal

what you prolly don't know is that she turned out to be needy

really really needy

anyways, I wish her the best with the diaper modeling thing

ps no hard feelings about what you did to my tires

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:38 | 5149934 TheLooza
TheLooza's picture

i went to elementary school with that lady's husband.  He cheated in handball, he marries an international star and is now joinining the uber welathy class.  Iz not fair; he cheated in handball!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 14:34 | 5150335 Four chan
Four chan's picture

the market has gone full retard.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 21:16 | 5152104 Matt
Matt's picture

Six times revenue at, what, half the fiscal year? with 200% growth over last year.

Seems not quite the same as valuing companies that have no revenue yet at $X Billion or valuing companies like Amazon at 200 P/E.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 21:37 | 5152183 mjcOH1
mjcOH1's picture

"One question: Does Jessica Alba deliver the diapers?"

 

For $1B she damn well better show up wearing one.

Thu, 08/28/2014 - 04:28 | 5152835 Eirik Magnus Larssen
Eirik Magnus Larssen's picture

As a man with blond hair and blue eyes, I'll never understand the Western media's unhealthy obsession with blond hair and blue eyes.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 14:40 | 5150381 TerminalDebt
TerminalDebt's picture

does she deliver them looking like that? I can see that worth the money

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:09 | 5150533 Wait What
Wait What's picture

i've seen her cruising around Malibutt in a tiny bikini, kids in tow.

someone with that many kids should not look that good.

...but chicks like her grow on trees around here, california (the coast, at least) doesn't tolerate ugly people.

even our nannies & diaper changers have to be at least 8s, which she is.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:50 | 5150823 HoleInTheDonut
HoleInTheDonut's picture

No shit!  The closer you get to the coast, the hotter and thinner the chicks get.  I live about 20 miles inland, which works for me because I don't like them TOO thin.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:42 | 5149950 GoatHerder
GoatHerder's picture

Wish I could have given you a one to the to the tenth power. I dont care who you are thats funny.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:02 | 5150548 Wait What
Wait What's picture

Rule 34, bro, Rule 34. google it.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:20 | 5151260 Mr. Magoo
Mr. Magoo's picture

I would be better off investing in VALTREX

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:06 | 5149739 TuPhat
TuPhat's picture

I think you mean the cave? right?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 14:48 | 5150417 what's that smell
what's that smell's picture

that woman is possessed by the devil SEXY.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:20 | 5149832 Bangin7GramRocks
Bangin7GramRocks's picture

Thank you.

Thu, 08/28/2014 - 00:17 | 5152593 pilager
pilager's picture

I've been buying her original startup from backpage..... Sented

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 14:19 | 5150194 Ignatius
Ignatius's picture

Fuck diapers, or The Jetson's flying cars we were all promised, when do we get the Jessica Alba robotic fuck doll?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:51 | 5149651 aVileRat
aVileRat's picture

For those in the know, plenty has been written by SF/LA blinds on the shady shit Alba's company has been involved with overseas. Cliff notes: BBB delisted them for known fraud. Same guys who are her overseas vendors were charged with wire fraud & product scamming by the HK and Chinese gov doing a similar baby targeted product line around 2005.

Nice person, bad luck in acting, no sympathy for how she parlayed C-list into a bad mail-scam idea.

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:58 | 5149688 t0mmyBerg
t0mmyBerg's picture

Yes that is terrible.  Who cares though.  She is magnificently hot.  Reason fades.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:43 | 5150778 Not My Real Name
Not My Real Name's picture

"Reason fades."

So does beauty.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:52 | 5150835 Real Estate Geek
Real Estate Geek's picture

Well played, sir.  (Although he did kind of hang that one over the plate . . . )

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 14:09 | 5150123 DullKnife
DullKnife's picture

Anyone still doubt that the US Market is not in a bubble?

This Company is a BUY.

Production will flow.

Factory to be powered by natural gas.

Profits will swell.

Alba will come out of the deal smelling like a....er, well, nevermind...

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:10 | 5149763 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

Robotradersmom has left the building too.

As for diapers, Diapers.com can't be beat. Next day delivery, discounts, wide range of products.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:44 | 5150787 Clowns on Acid
Clowns on Acid's picture

Yeh but Jessica don't wear them...

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 14:13 | 5150161 seek
seek's picture

Loved Robo's pics, but he also had some pretty solid commentary on markets.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 14:22 | 5150219 James_Cole
James_Cole's picture

Robo is much missed. Hated by most but one of the only guys who knew shit. 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 14:42 | 5150402 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

If only there had still been markets in existence then...

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:13 | 5149777 jballz
jballz's picture

This is great news. Jessica Alba will now be earning enough to support me and our children.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:29 | 5149543 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

Jessica Marie Alba (born April 28, 1981)[1] is an American film and television actress, model, and businesswoman. She began her television and movie appearances at age 13 in Camp Nowhere and The Secret World of Alex Mack (1994). Alba rose to prominence as the lead actress in the James Cameron television series Dark Angel (2000–2002) when she was 19 years-old.[2][3]

Alba later appeared in Honey (2003), Sin City (2005), Fantastic Four (2005), Into the Blue (2005), Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) and Good Luck Chuck (2007).[4][5]

Alba has been called a sex symbol.[6] She appears on the "Hot 100" section of Maxim and was voted number one on AskMen.com's list of "99 Most Desirable Women" in 2006, as well as "Sexiest Woman in the World" by FHM in 2007.[7][8][9] In 2005, TV Guide ranked her # 45 on its "50 Sexiest Stars of All Time" list.[10] The use of her image on the cover of the March 2006 Playboy sparked a lawsuit by her, which was later dropped.[11] She has also won various awards for her acting, including the Choice Actress Teen Choice Award and Saturn Award for Best Actress on Television, and a Golden Globe nomination for her lead role in the television series Dark Angel.[4]

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:51 | 5149545 JRobby
JRobby's picture

Of course! Beautiful people (especially if you are a celebrity) are more successful in our youth/beauty driven society.

I mean you really have to take a massive dive (Charlie?) that would get most people imprisoned before you get completely dropped from the fun club.

 

I know, the truth hurts small dicked, troll like renters of flesh and happiness.

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:06 | 5150573 Wait What
Wait What's picture

are you knocking renting flesh & happiness?

How dare you, sir!?!

it's the only thing holding up GDP at this point.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dw1oM7LBbxE

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:11 | 5150607 JRobby
JRobby's picture

Indeed it is sir!

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:53 | 5150846 zerozulu
zerozulu's picture

Yes, let me tell you as well, you cannot compete with two person in practical life. A lucky man and a beautiful woman.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:26 | 5149521 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

First Million-Dollar IPO buyer gets to spend a night with this virgin Billion-Dollar Baby.

But wear a condom, to long your position.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:33 | 5149573 RockRiver
RockRiver's picture

Yup, she looks like a baron of industry.....

 

Wonder sho really thought this company up?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:43 | 5149603 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

OMG! Honest™ is literally a sack of shit!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:53 | 5149654 Dame Ednas Possum
Dame Ednas Possum's picture

Here's the CEO bio snapshot.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Pi-W38bLCOg/UWxT9HigZXI/AAAAAAAAAFM/O-yIr5aln-...

Clearly very qualified.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:58 | 5149686 Z_End
Z_End's picture

Warning! NSFW!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:02 | 5149713 Dame Ednas Possum
Dame Ednas Possum's picture

Sorry...my bad.

I avoid ZH on work PC in the hope of avoiding being dragged away in a straight jacket.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:23 | 5149512 souljaboy
souljaboy's picture

I'm sure they'll have "blow-out" earnings.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:24 | 5149515 Relentless101
Relentless101's picture

This one might actually make sense... My goodness...

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:24 | 5149517 Soul Glow
Soul Glow's picture

LOL!!!!!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:45 | 5149625 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Is this an example of 'things falling apart' you were referencing earlier?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:24 | 5149518 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

I could use a diaper right about now.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:40 | 5149946 Freddie
Freddie's picture

You must have been shorting the dip.  Don't you know?  Buy the **cking dip!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:26 | 5149522 walküre
walküre's picture

What's the ticket for this Honest Shit Service?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:50 | 5149649 Boomberg
Boomberg's picture

Will trade on the NASDAQ as TURD. 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:25 | 5149523 One And Only
One And Only's picture

Ralph likes to nap. See Ralph nap. Buy Ralph's stock.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:25 | 5149525 recidivist
recidivist's picture

you cannot put a price on pulchritude

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:25 | 5149526 stinkhammer
stinkhammer's picture

Shitty idea

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:50 | 5149646 dracos_ghost
dracos_ghost's picture

Gives a whole new meaning to stinky weed.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:26 | 5149527 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

Well, 1st law of bullshit clearly states:  Anything plus bullshit results in money to the power of the bullshit. 

In a society that runs on bullshit, the money potential might be unlimited.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:26 | 5149530 lester1
lester1's picture

Wow.. Stunning !!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:27 | 5149531 Boomberg
Boomberg's picture

Is that one of the non-toxic diapers she is wearing? 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:54 | 5149661 toady
toady's picture

Exactly. I didn't know she wore diapers. Kinda ruins the sexy thing for me... what, the shit is supposed to be lube?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:06 | 5149742 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

She's modeling their newest product..edible diapers.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:27 | 5149532 Catullus
Catullus's picture

Amazon does this too. And same day.

What a load of shit

Mark it #ref! P/e.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 21:33 | 5152159 Matt
Matt's picture

AMZN P/E: 901.8

Honest company at 6 times revenue (earnings not available at this time).

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:27 | 5149533 Charles Nelson ...
Charles Nelson Reilly's picture

I have a three week old.  He shits every 12 seconds.... this is just what we need to get him?!? Who the fuck cares about these idiots social mission when it costs me $40 per four days to put diapers on my kid.

fuck off you collectivist scumbags...

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:32 | 5149557 JRobby
JRobby's picture

He is shitting too much.

You need to get him down to the PPO/HMO debacle facility immediately.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:50 | 5149644 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

every 12 seconds equals hockeystick to the moon.

Bullish!!!! or is that Bullshit?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:57 | 5149681 BeetleBailey
BeetleBailey's picture

12 seconds?

Holy shit!

Stop with the fruit IV's, for the love of GAWD!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:26 | 5149870 Tall Tom
Tall Tom's picture

That is pure genius.

 

Jessica can also modify her business model by "giving away" Apple Juice. with every order.

 

Guaranteed demand.

 

With your diapers you will get One Gallon of apple juice free. Babies love Apple Juice. It is good for me...er...them.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:31 | 5149888 laomei
laomei's picture

Just use cloth diapers, seriously, you'll thank me.  It's an investment, but it pays off fast.  I dropped something like $500 on "soft bums", splurging on bamboo and all that crap.  End result: no rashes, easy to clean, happy baby.  Once you do the math, if you can manage a payoff period in under 6 months, you're doing pretty well.  Also pay attention to which brands command decent resale values.  The better ones can still fetch around 70%.

 

 

This "Honest" company seems to have a pretty long track record of being stupidly overpriced, no better than the cheap disposables, and impossible to cancel.  Seriously, like 84 cents a diaper? Wow.  My $500 turns into $150 when all is said and done, which is less than 2 months of their shit... which still causes rashes and still has all the same chemicals as the cheapest shit on the market.

 

Fucking hilarious.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:07 | 5151220 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Also don't forget that shit'll ruin a washing machine for good.
If you're rich enough to have a spare, awesome. If not, it's good ol' fashioned hand-washing. MMM mmm delish thought.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:47 | 5151593 laomei
laomei's picture

Ummm... no it doesnt

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 19:43 | 5151778 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

It does.

You'll find out, shitty deal for you.

Thu, 08/28/2014 - 04:23 | 5152832 laomei
laomei's picture

Maybe if you're a complete and total idiot.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 21:35 | 5152170 Matt
Matt's picture

"fuck off you collectivist scumbags..."

I don't understand how a for-profit company that uses donations of goods and money as its advertising platform can be considered collectivist?

Are they forcing you to buy from them? Is the government supplying you with their diapers without your consent?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:28 | 5149537 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

    I wonder how "The Mens Wearhouse" feels about having their slogan"HONEST" associated with soiled baby diapers?

  JFC> This planet needs an enema!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:19 | 5151006 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

oH NO!

They've been usin' brand x!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:28 | 5149540 denverdolomte
denverdolomte's picture

Well isn't that some shit?

 

Should have named the company "DingleBerries, Inc." - "We pick up what you leave behind!" 

Guess this is a whole new meaning to someones career going down the shitter? 

 

Best of luck Testable Alba, I'm sure the financiers of the world have only your best interests at heart. 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:31 | 5149554 denverdolomte
denverdolomte's picture

Damnit!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:29 | 5149546 NuYawkFrankie
NuYawkFrankie's picture

Hege Funds buying this - just to "cover their ass"...

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:29 | 5149549 wmbz
wmbz's picture

I imagine they could triple their income by acepting EBT cards.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:33 | 5149559 NuYawkFrankie
NuYawkFrankie's picture

Buffet is not only an stock-holder, he uses the service...

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:36 | 5149584 Infinite QE
Infinite QE's picture

Buffet will dump Becky and get in on this as an investor. As will most VC's who just want a chance to `rub elbows' with the young tart.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:43 | 5149960 Freddie
Freddie's picture

He and Munger are big customers.  They also buy dribble cups.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 21:41 | 5152195 Matt
Matt's picture

All natural, non-toxic, chemical free adult diapers. The way demographics are going, she could triple revenues by diversifying into that market. Maybe get Betty White on-board?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:33 | 5149566 Kirk2NCC1701
Kirk2NCC1701's picture

FYI... If you click on the first JPG and then click again on the resulting JPG, you get a nice, large JPG to view.

Hell, you can even see the fine C-Section scar. 

p.s. Dr. McCoy told me.  It's the sort of thing he looks for, he says.  ;-)

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:33 | 5149575 huggy_in_london
huggy_in_london's picture

Looks cold on that beach....

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:34 | 5149576 gdiamond22
gdiamond22's picture

I'd eat her ass with a spoon

Her stock on the other hand I wouldn't touch

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:34 | 5149580 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

This diaper smells like ass. Let me guess, the next government subsidized company to supply free shit under the taxpayers dime. 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:35 | 5149583 AgeOfJefferson
AgeOfJefferson's picture

Am I the only one who didn't read the article at all but just stared at her picture for 10 minutes instead?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:38 | 5149595 Infinite QE
Infinite QE's picture

What article?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:39 | 5149605 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

There was only ONE picture when I "read" the article.  I feel cheated. 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 21:46 | 5152216 Matt
Matt's picture

Read it again, problem solved.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:38 | 5149601 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

I don't even know why I just read your post.  Back to the pictures!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:43 | 5149606 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

The NSA probably has screenshots of over half the Zerohedge membership making their O FACE right about....now. 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:52 | 5149655 BeetleBailey
BeetleBailey's picture

LOL

+1,000

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:49 | 5149641 Dame Ednas Possum
Dame Ednas Possum's picture

After your prompt i just looked again...amazing...she has a head too!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:38 | 5149590 magnumpk
magnumpk's picture

My kids were raised using toxic diapers and they turned out just fine thank you very much.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:39 | 5149597 Salsipuedes
Salsipuedes's picture

That explains it! Dick Cheney had toxic diapers!

(She's too late to save the world but in the new world of 24/7 Orwellian speak, 'The Honest Company' should make a toxic amount of money.... for a few.)

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:43 | 5149614 Eahudimac
Eahudimac's picture

I took my bowel movements public last week. All I had to put in was a dozen hot wings and a few beers. Made $7 billion on the IPO.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:43 | 5149617 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

The only way this is worth 1 billion is if she is personally delivering the diapers...naked.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:45 | 5149629 GilgalMarkets
GilgalMarkets's picture

So it's time to ZeroHedge IPO !!!!!!

 

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:45 | 5149630 Elliptico
Elliptico's picture

I'm in!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:46 | 5149633 Mi Naem
Mi Naem's picture

Actually, I like a woman with woman hips - she has boy hips. 

But, maybe all those subscribers think she's delivering them. 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:51 | 5149650 g speed
g speed's picture

boy hips are in cause fags are fashion---

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 21:48 | 5152224 Matt
Matt's picture

Wide hips are no longer needed, we got C-Sections now. Of course, if antibiotics stop working and hospitals all become cesspools of drug-resistant bacteria, wide hips could come back in vogue and be a competitive advantage. 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:50 | 5149648 BeetleBailey
BeetleBailey's picture

Now that's some expensive shit!

I know some guys out there that would eat a mile of Alba's shit to tongue punch her fart box......but

Jesus....1 BILLION?

LOL....

fucking.....INSANITY

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:05 | 5149732 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

The first 4 minute mile ran by the human tongue. 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 12:59 | 5149699 ilw4e
ilw4e's picture

I'd say anyone buying stock at S&P above 2000 is as idiot as those buying diapers.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:04 | 5149730 barre-de-rire
barre-de-rire's picture

financial economy... dust, wind, and..blowjobs.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:05 | 5149738 Sokhmate
Sokhmate's picture

I think SnatchChat is undervalued.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:08 | 5149750 Raoul_Luke
Raoul_Luke's picture

Yes, these valuations are laughable, but until the technical indicators start pointing down, you gotta be long here (albeit with your finger on the eject button).

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:10 | 5149761 hotrod
hotrod's picture

Well have been wondering what causes all the mental disorders with children lately.  The diapers.  I thought it was GMO and other food chemicals.  All along those damn toxic diapers  DTD.  Cant wait to tell my wife who teaches at a public school where 10% of the kids are ADD or ADHD or Bi polar or mildly slow.  It's the Diapers.  I trusted Pampers and Huggies and they screwed up my kid.  Sue those bastards, there should have been a warning labels that "These Diapers may be hazardous to your health".

She better dump her stock shortly after the IPO

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:10 | 5149764 youngman
youngman's picture

I would buy a used diaper from Jessica..jus sayin

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:18 | 5149792 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

In other words, a service for the 0.001%

Yep, probably gets delivered by a Tesla limo conversion along with a daily supply of mud pack, skin cream, botox, makeup, and gin for the little tykes moms.

But, sorry ladies, we can’t handle those used diapers for you. They’re toxic, and we’re not into that kind of shit.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:17 | 5149797 Rockatanski
Rockatanski's picture

she's a butter face.....everyting is good but her face.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:17 | 5149804 IridiumRebel
IridiumRebel's picture

You more of a Sarah Jessica Parker type? 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:20 | 5149818 Rockatanski
Rockatanski's picture

oh please NOOOOO....lol

just something about those fat silicon lips and that 14 yr old face......doesnt it make ya feel like a pedo?

Fri, 08/29/2014 - 19:32 | 5150946 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Since the 80's I Kerry a torch for  her!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:22 | 5149844 Tachyon5321
Tachyon5321's picture

 

 

 

Trust me, they are Honest....

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:23 | 5149849 jballz
jballz's picture

Also the hyperbole in the is piece is rather reflective of jaded moronity than sound analysis. Kimberly Clark turns 5 billion a year in disposal diaper sales. The baby market (excluding black market sales I assume) around 85 billion. Five year forward valuation around 500 billion so alba shitters would be justified at .05% market share. It's not that ridiculous at all.

Also she can expand and go ass to ass with depends for the dirty old man market.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:24 | 5149851 Dane Bramage
Dane Bramage's picture

These diapers were (until recently?) available @ CostCo and less expensive than other non-toxic brands elsewhere (Seventh Generation, etc.,).  Not sure about all the other aspects of their business model.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:24 | 5149852 Godisanhftbot
Godisanhftbot's picture

 if that absurd 100 lines of code  snapcrap is worth 10 bill, then ZH is a 50 billion property.

 

 congrats guys, you never have to work again.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:29 | 5149879 tahoebumsmith
tahoebumsmith's picture

I hope all those investors get a free supply after The Shit hits the fan fan on this stupid idea! They will all be shitting their non toxic diapers...LOL

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:30 | 5149889 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

Forget mining gold - MINE SHIT, the new brown gold....we'll all be rich!!!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:32 | 5149890 Dre4dwolf
Dre4dwolf's picture

Tits sell stocks.

Just blast tits on all the stock tickers and we will have a rally. 

 

The days of market comparison, etc. are over.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:31 | 5149898 Duffy
Duffy's picture

This idea stinks!

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:41 | 5149949 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

hollywood is in the tank

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:51 | 5149997 SilverDoctors
SilverDoctors's picture

While the $1 B valuation of The Honest Co. is obviously bubble territory, what the Tylers are completely missing in this is the rapidly growing demand for natural/organic/non toxic products as the alternative media educates the population, and excellent investing opportunities in small companies in this market- obviously before they reach bubble stage.

The non-GMO/ organic food movement is nearing a tipping point of mass conciousness in the US.  Its an extroadinary investing opportunity- in the right situations. 
And yes, Tyler, traditional disposable diapers are EXTREMELY toxic.  

-Doc

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 22:52 | 5150222 Salsipuedes
Salsipuedes's picture

The Making of a Modern Mogul

Jessica had a baby and couldn't believe it! "It's a miracle!" cried Jessica. Then she went to the mirror. "Fuck! I look like shit!" she exclaimed to the oddly unmade-up and rather nauseating presence before her. "Shit" she repeated, in a sexy but thoughtful way, simply because the other operative word was now no longer of interest... "Where does it come from and where does it go...like...to?" she pondered, in a serious but still, remotely sexy way......... "I know!" bellowed Jessica in a very unsexy way, overcome by a rapture in green, "I'll take us back to the fifties when we all had maids..." and, having calculated (herself!) that the modern woman will find it so convenient, kids could be wearing them into their teens in warmer climes, she had her Eureka moment: ".... AND WE CHARGE THEM A BILLION OR WHATEVER!"

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:23 | 5150679 Blankenstein
Blankenstein's picture

Maybe not so honest.

"Synthetic Chemical Free, Ummm, Not Really
While company co-founder Christopher Gavigan told us the Honest Diaper is 80% plant-based,the most prominent page of the website (on Jan 18, 2013) about the Diaper Bundle described the product as "100%… plant based" and not exposing your baby to any "synthetic chemicals (ever!)" (see highlighted section of this screen capture from 1/18/13). However, after our previous review of the Honest Company and a conference call with the one of its founders where they openly admitted to their use of petroleum-based SAP when we inquired for details, the website now clearly states it does have some sodium polyacrylate (SAP) or less SAP for absorbency, just like conventional diapers. We don't know how the diapers can simultaneously include the petroleum-based chemical SAP as a key ingredient and also be 100% free of synthetic chemicals, however, we do appreciate the changes they have made to the description of their product and the effort to be more transparent. "

 

"the company was highly critical of competing diapers use of SAP in their absorbent core, previously stating "sodium polyacrylate (SAP) is the main component of those absorbent gel crystals found in many diapers and it can be a skin irritant." They mocked competing diaper companies for including SAP by stating, "Great idea to use it in something that's in direct contact with infant skin 24x7, right?" This was not very honest in our opinion, since Honest Diapers also includes SAP as a key ingredient in their absorbent core."

In contrast to their comments about SAP causing skin irritation when criticizing competitors' use of it, when talking about their own use of SAP in their diaper's core, Honest Company states, "[SAP has] been rigorously tested and found to be safe and non-toxic." In reply to our inquiries about their use of SAP, the company's Senior Product Manager said, in justifying their use a petroleum-based chemical in the diaper, "no one's going to use a diaper if it doesn't work

http://www.babygearlab.com/Disposable-Diaper-Reviews/The-Honest-Company-...

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 13:57 | 5150032 teslaberry
teslaberry's picture

most indian mothers let their babies run around with a shirt and naked bottom . they shit and piss on the floor like animals and then they clean up the shit and piss with rags if the shit and piss is indoors or anywhere needing cleaning. 

 

rags. not cloth diapers, not recycleable diapers, let alone plastic. 

 

the world moves on. an epidemic of garbage makes no difference , our species is 7 billion strong. we shall fight off the aliens when they get here. 

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 14:54 | 5150498 TerminalDebt
TerminalDebt's picture

Explains why indians still piss and shit everywhere after they are grown men

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:58 | 5150889 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

By flinging our poop at them!
Perhaps that's why we've never seen an alien invasion.
They see what monkeys do, they see we have bio-weapons, and they assume the worst possible combination out of an abundance of caution.
Honestly: I can't blame them for coming to that conclusion.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 14:42 | 5150391 nakki
nakki's picture

From their Website,  "Designed in California made in Mexico". What a bunch of smug assholes, do they think they're Apple? You know what would be less toxic for humanity, less fucking humans. 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 14:55 | 5150507 TerminalDebt
TerminalDebt's picture

less fucking humans leads to less humans, that's what the church preaches everyday

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:16 | 5150641 Blankenstein
Blankenstein's picture
And the diaper wipes are "Designed in California Responsibly made in China."

They charge a premium for the wipes because these are supposed to be "better" (honest) but they are made in China?  The sheep will buy anything as long as it is celebrity endorsed.  
Wed, 08/27/2014 - 14:51 | 5150479 starman
starman's picture

Ahhh ......thanks  for the pix Tyler it was almost as good as Katy Perry.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:03 | 5150553 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

All diapers that are used become toxic.  Just saying!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:06 | 5150574 QQQBall
QQQBall's picture

non toxic diapers are a great idea. They ar ecalled cloth diapers... seriously, what is the barrier to entry?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:26 | 5151046 Crocodile
Crocodile's picture

Perhaps she will also come up with the non-GMO adult diapers and sell them by wearing them.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:09 | 5150596 Rikeska
Rikeska's picture

This whole thing smells like a used panty machine I once saw in Tokyo.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:23 | 5150675 pragmatic hobo
pragmatic hobo's picture

i'm in ... where do i pay?

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