Sometimes 0% Is Better Than -82%

Tyler Durden's picture




 

The Best Investment Article Ever Written:

The Winners of the World

February 29, 2000...

 

You want winners? You want me to put my Cramer Berkowitz hedge fund hat on and just discuss what my fund is buying today to try to make money tomorrow and the next day and the next? You want my top 10 stocks for who is going to make it in the New World? You know what? I am going to give them to you. Right here. Right now.

 

OK. Here goes. Write them down -- no handouts here!: 724 Solutions (SVNX), Ariba (ARBA), Digital Island (ISLD), Exodus (EXDS), InfoSpace.com (INSP), Inktomi (INKT), Mercury Interactive (MERQ), Sonera (SNRA), VeriSign (VRSN) and Veritas Software (VRTS).

 

We are buying some of every one of these this morning as I give this speech.

And then this...

 

*  *  *

Sometimes - it would appear - 0% is better than -82%...

*  *  *

h/t @RudyHavenstein

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Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:57 | 5150880 dracos_ghost
dracos_ghost's picture

Booyah?!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:02 | 5150914 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

when u lose your pants investing in Cramer's stock picks and go broke. I am sure he will have a seminar for all those people suing him and he will be touting his law firm Cramer Berkowitz LLC for your services.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:05 | 5150925 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

"Should I be worried about Bear Sterns liquidity and get out of there? NO, NO, NO!"

"Bear Sterns is not in trouble!"

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:15 | 5150986 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

"Jim Cramer has NO IDEA!"

That any losses have ever occurred due to his advice.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:25 | 5151039 giggler321
giggler321's picture

Brings to mind those stupid adverts about the Lotto, "You gotta be in it to Win it".

Ofcourse they don't go on to say "You gotta be in it to Loose it".  They way things are going; the latter does not apply and either way you loose...

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:31 | 5151069 jbvtme
jbvtme's picture

until jim cramer (where did he get that christian name???) came along the term "douchebag" was gender specific.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:53 | 5151166 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

His yields are still 18% higher then my wife on a shopping spree

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:57 | 5151178 I MISS KUDLOW
I MISS KUDLOW's picture

The thing that MOST concerns me is he doesn't need to be doing what he's doing he could have boated off into sunset ten years ago but for whatever reason he craves the attention and he's a true psychopath for it all

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:01 | 5151190 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

He injoys sucking Yellen off. Be careful, don't want to get throte cancer like Jamie diamond

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:44 | 5151340 ilion
ilion's picture

Europeans are doomed as explained here

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:56 | 5151385 SRSrocco
SRSrocco's picture

....and a 10% INCREASE in Canadian Silver Maple Leaf Sales is better than a -51% decrease in Gold Maple Sales 1H 2014.

SURPRISING UPDATE: Canadian Silver Maple Sales Stronger Than Last Year

SRSroccoReport

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:17 | 5151486 Keyser
Keyser's picture

Cramer's most famous call... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPc16cuQJR0

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 20:49 | 5152021 jonjon831983
jonjon831983's picture

Welll... he was sort of right, right? He said they're more likely to be taken over - and it was then taken over by JPM.

Thu, 08/28/2014 - 00:33 | 5152614 Clockwork Orange
Clockwork Orange's picture

It is very OK to trust this man - he fights for the little guy.  Oh, wait.  Nevermind.  He is a scumbag shill / contrarian indicator.    

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMShFx5rThI 

Thu, 08/28/2014 - 07:53 | 5153060 Keyser
Keyser's picture

Welll... he was sort of right, right? He said they're more likely to be taken over - and it was then taken over by JPM.

Technically you are right, although I believe the price was $2.00 per share when it had been trading at $80.00... Hardly a coup for Cramer... 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 19:04 | 5151651 Againstthelie
Againstthelie's picture

The interesting question:

Why is such an incredibly incompetent person like Cramer paid a high salary by a financial TV-outlet?

The only answer that makes sense is: it's not competence that matters for them. But if competence does not matter, what is it, what Cramer and the TV-outlet are about...

 

Thu, 08/28/2014 - 10:03 | 5153478 armageddon addahere
armageddon addahere's picture

As long as his show gets decent ratings it will stay on. It is a cheap show to make and they don't care if everyone watches only to laugh at him, as long as they watch.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:29 | 5151289 Thirtyseven
Thirtyseven's picture

He's a tribal first and foreskinmost.  That should tell folks something. 

There are clearly ulterior motives at work (and some general socio/psychopathy, on that I don't disagree) in this charade.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:58 | 5151186 wallstreetapost...
wallstreetaposteriori's picture

"they have NO idea how bad it out there"

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:18 | 5151251 MASTER OF UNIVERSE
MASTER OF UNIVERSE's picture

"They have NO IDEA how bad it is out there--NO IDEA" there, fixed it for you.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:26 | 5151278 wisefool
wisefool's picture

B-cup burnett is on CNN now, unless the layoffs get her.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:44 | 5151575 villainvomit
villainvomit's picture

A cup burnett is on CNN now, unless her greedy me me me gets her.......fixed it for ya !

She has a pretty face and seems bright, but damn that greedy me me me bitch.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 20:39 | 5151997 SuperRay
SuperRay's picture

"Seems" - She seems like a teenager who is incredibly impressed with herself..

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:34 | 5151303 Sages wife
Sages wife's picture

Or my wife hosting a garage sale.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:04 | 5151209 Dugald
Dugald's picture

 

It's  LOSE sonny, Loose ain't the word.....!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:12 | 5151226 wallstreetapost...
wallstreetaposteriori's picture
  1. Loose [loos]adjectivelooser, loosest.
    1.
    free or released from fastening or attachment:
    a loose end. 2.
    free from anything that binds or restrains; unfettered:
    loose cats prowling around in alleyways at night. 3.
    uncombined, as a chemical element. 4.
    not bound together:
    to wear one's hair loose. 5.
    not put up in a package or other container:
    loose mushrooms. 6.
    available for disposal; unused; unappropriated:
    loose funds. 7.
    lacking in reticence or power of restraint:
    a loose tongue.
Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:48 | 5151358 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

There's also loose women.

Bob: "I might ask out Amber. I heard she's pretty loose."

Joe: "Yeah, she's given more rides than Greyhound."

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:52 | 5151608 villainvomit
villainvomit's picture

The only good thing I can think about Cramer is .........at least he has no " I have no hair, so I will have a tiny pony tail and will show all the poor bastards who are forced to have CNBC running in the background my option prowess while my hair dresser braids my meager pony tail and replay ad nauseum"

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:30 | 5151064 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

If I were a casting director auditioning people for the role of angry penis with a beard, I'd skip the try-outs and go straight to Cramer.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:34 | 5151297 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

You give him waaaay too much credit.

 

Edit: Maybe Hedwig and the angry inch, he could be the inch...

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:42 | 5151328 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

He reminds me of Paul Giamatti (Pig Vomit), Howard Stern's Program Director in 'Private Parts'.

"But if they hate him, why do they keep listening to him??"

"Most common answer:  I want to hear what he says next."

"That mother fucker!"

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:07 | 5150942 rubiconsolutions
rubiconsolutions's picture

Short Cramer....or is that redundant?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:54 | 5151168 what's that smell
what's that smell's picture

i was too stupid to resist a CRAMER CRAMER CRAMER headline.

now i've wasted my time and made the zhedge wealthier.

who's as stupid as cramer, zhedge, or me?

let's go lower and find out.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:12 | 5150968 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

-82% ? Haa. a mere flesh wound. We have not yet begun to fight.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:23 | 5151028 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

No doubt. He could still lose another 82%. Then another. Then another.

Honestly, he's got a long ways to go at this rate.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:36 | 5151310 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

When you go that far under, do you create a credit event horizon?

Oh wait, guess the USA will find out...

Thu, 08/28/2014 - 18:41 | 5156165 SokPOTUS
SokPOTUS's picture

Credit Event Horizon.   Nice turn of phrase there, MsCreant...

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:58 | 5150888 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

TSLA, FB, TWTR....

Grab a pen! 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:59 | 5150892 SickDollar
SickDollar's picture

who listens to this clown

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:01 | 5150908 Gaius Frakkin' ...
Gaius Frakkin' Baltar's picture

People watch Cramer like the entertainment at a Casino.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:00 | 5150905 RougeUnderwriter
RougeUnderwriter's picture

Buy buy buy

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:01 | 5150907 RougeUnderwriter
RougeUnderwriter's picture

Bye, Bye Bye - to all of my money

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:01 | 5150911 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

I only invest with the Bronco Bama fund,   he called the bottom.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:32 | 5151079 astoriajoe
astoriajoe's picture

Still waiting for Jay Carney LLC

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:02 | 5150917 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

Same as his charitable fund. It is the size of my mothers PA ($2mm) and he has a co-cio on it.

He is part of the CNBC "expert" army. We really aren't wealthy HF investors/titans of business we just play them on TV.

Best thing one can do when that muppet comes on any channel is turn TV off.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:07 | 5150934 saveUSsavers
saveUSsavers's picture

only bigger idiot has to be Kernen Claptrap

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:03 | 5151416 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

My wife is a RAZOR when it comes to reading people and assessing their character.  She can figure people out in minutes that it takes me days or weeks to discover.  Years ago, she told me she never wants to see Cramer on our TV ever again.  "He's a horrible little person, and I think he's got 'issues'", she said.  Chalk another one up for the wife.

Joe Kernan got off more lightly. "I don't think he's nearly as smart as he thinks he is.  And he keeps talking over his guests.  I think he's a lightweight."

And I'm married to this woman.

You don't want to know what she thinks about me.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:43 | 5151573 Clycntct
Clycntct's picture

Over heard at the market by your wife speaking to a friend.

"Were human" "We all make mistakes"

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 19:09 | 5151662 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

"My wife is a RAZOR when it comes to reading people and assessing their character.  She can figure people out in minutes that it takes me days or weeks to discover."....

And yet, they can't change a lightbulb, or check the oil in their car... just saying.

Classic post, NoDebt.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 19:42 | 5151769 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

NoDebt,

+1000. Your wife sounds like mine, except Mrs Atomizer judges by voice tone. When I get in the Zerohedge blogging doghouse, she just calls me a goddamn piece of shit . ;-)

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