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Sometimes 0% Is Better Than -82%

Tyler Durden's picture




 

The Best Investment Article Ever Written:

The Winners of the World

February 29, 2000...

 

You want winners? You want me to put my Cramer Berkowitz hedge fund hat on and just discuss what my fund is buying today to try to make money tomorrow and the next day and the next? You want my top 10 stocks for who is going to make it in the New World? You know what? I am going to give them to you. Right here. Right now.

 

OK. Here goes. Write them down -- no handouts here!: 724 Solutions (SVNX), Ariba (ARBA), Digital Island (ISLD), Exodus (EXDS), InfoSpace.com (INSP), Inktomi (INKT), Mercury Interactive (MERQ), Sonera (SNRA), VeriSign (VRSN) and Veritas Software (VRTS).

 

We are buying some of every one of these this morning as I give this speech.

And then this...

 

*  *  *

Sometimes - it would appear - 0% is better than -82%...

*  *  *

h/t @RudyHavenstein

 

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Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:57 | 5150880 dracos_ghost
dracos_ghost's picture

Booyah?!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:02 | 5150914 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

when u lose your pants investing in Cramer's stock picks and go broke. I am sure he will have a seminar for all those people suing him and he will be touting his law firm Cramer Berkowitz LLC for your services.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:05 | 5150925 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

"Should I be worried about Bear Sterns liquidity and get out of there? NO, NO, NO!"

"Bear Sterns is not in trouble!"

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:15 | 5150986 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

"Jim Cramer has NO IDEA!"

That any losses have ever occurred due to his advice.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:25 | 5151039 giggler321
giggler321's picture

Brings to mind those stupid adverts about the Lotto, "You gotta be in it to Win it".

Ofcourse they don't go on to say "You gotta be in it to Loose it".  They way things are going; the latter does not apply and either way you loose...

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:31 | 5151069 jbvtme
jbvtme's picture

until jim cramer (where did he get that christian name???) came along the term "douchebag" was gender specific.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:53 | 5151166 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

His yields are still 18% higher then my wife on a shopping spree

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:57 | 5151178 I MISS KUDLOW
I MISS KUDLOW's picture

The thing that MOST concerns me is he doesn't need to be doing what he's doing he could have boated off into sunset ten years ago but for whatever reason he craves the attention and he's a true psychopath for it all

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:01 | 5151190 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

He injoys sucking Yellen off. Be careful, don't want to get throte cancer like Jamie diamond

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:44 | 5151340 ilion
ilion's picture

Europeans are doomed as explained here

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:56 | 5151385 SRSrocco
SRSrocco's picture

....and a 10% INCREASE in Canadian Silver Maple Leaf Sales is better than a -51% decrease in Gold Maple Sales 1H 2014.

SURPRISING UPDATE: Canadian Silver Maple Sales Stronger Than Last Year

SRSroccoReport

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:17 | 5151486 Keyser
Keyser's picture

Cramer's most famous call... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPc16cuQJR0

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 20:49 | 5152021 jonjon831983
jonjon831983's picture

Welll... he was sort of right, right? He said they're more likely to be taken over - and it was then taken over by JPM.

Thu, 08/28/2014 - 00:33 | 5152614 Clockwork Orange
Clockwork Orange's picture

It is very OK to trust this man - he fights for the little guy.  Oh, wait.  Nevermind.  He is a scumbag shill / contrarian indicator.    

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMShFx5rThI 

Thu, 08/28/2014 - 07:53 | 5153060 Keyser
Keyser's picture

Welll... he was sort of right, right? He said they're more likely to be taken over - and it was then taken over by JPM.

Technically you are right, although I believe the price was $2.00 per share when it had been trading at $80.00... Hardly a coup for Cramer... 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 19:04 | 5151651 Againstthelie
Againstthelie's picture

The interesting question:

Why is such an incredibly incompetent person like Cramer paid a high salary by a financial TV-outlet?

The only answer that makes sense is: it's not competence that matters for them. But if competence does not matter, what is it, what Cramer and the TV-outlet are about...

 

Thu, 08/28/2014 - 10:03 | 5153478 armageddon addahere
armageddon addahere's picture

As long as his show gets decent ratings it will stay on. It is a cheap show to make and they don't care if everyone watches only to laugh at him, as long as they watch.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:29 | 5151289 Thirtyseven
Thirtyseven's picture

He's a tribal first and foreskinmost.  That should tell folks something. 

There are clearly ulterior motives at work (and some general socio/psychopathy, on that I don't disagree) in this charade.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:58 | 5151186 wallstreetapost...
wallstreetaposteriori's picture

"they have NO idea how bad it out there"

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:18 | 5151251 MASTER OF UNIVERSE
MASTER OF UNIVERSE's picture

"They have NO IDEA how bad it is out there--NO IDEA" there, fixed it for you.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:26 | 5151278 wisefool
wisefool's picture

B-cup burnett is on CNN now, unless the layoffs get her.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:44 | 5151575 villainvomit
villainvomit's picture

A cup burnett is on CNN now, unless her greedy me me me gets her.......fixed it for ya !

She has a pretty face and seems bright, but damn that greedy me me me bitch.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 20:39 | 5151997 SuperRay
SuperRay's picture

"Seems" - She seems like a teenager who is incredibly impressed with herself..

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:34 | 5151303 Sages wife
Sages wife's picture

Or my wife hosting a garage sale.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:04 | 5151209 Dugald
Dugald's picture

 

It's  LOSE sonny, Loose ain't the word.....!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:12 | 5151226 wallstreetapost...
wallstreetaposteriori's picture
  1. Loose [loos]adjectivelooser, loosest.
    1.
    free or released from fastening or attachment:
    a loose end. 2.
    free from anything that binds or restrains; unfettered:
    loose cats prowling around in alleyways at night. 3.
    uncombined, as a chemical element. 4.
    not bound together:
    to wear one's hair loose. 5.
    not put up in a package or other container:
    loose mushrooms. 6.
    available for disposal; unused; unappropriated:
    loose funds. 7.
    lacking in reticence or power of restraint:
    a loose tongue.
Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:48 | 5151358 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

There's also loose women.

Bob: "I might ask out Amber. I heard she's pretty loose."

Joe: "Yeah, she's given more rides than Greyhound."

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:52 | 5151608 villainvomit
villainvomit's picture

The only good thing I can think about Cramer is .........at least he has no " I have no hair, so I will have a tiny pony tail and will show all the poor bastards who are forced to have CNBC running in the background my option prowess while my hair dresser braids my meager pony tail and replay ad nauseum"

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:30 | 5151064 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

If I were a casting director auditioning people for the role of angry penis with a beard, I'd skip the try-outs and go straight to Cramer.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:34 | 5151297 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

You give him waaaay too much credit.

 

Edit: Maybe Hedwig and the angry inch, he could be the inch...

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:42 | 5151328 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

He reminds me of Paul Giamatti (Pig Vomit), Howard Stern's Program Director in 'Private Parts'.

"But if they hate him, why do they keep listening to him??"

"Most common answer:  I want to hear what he says next."

"That mother fucker!"

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:07 | 5150942 rubiconsolutions
rubiconsolutions's picture

Short Cramer....or is that redundant?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:54 | 5151168 what's that smell
what's that smell's picture

i was too stupid to resist a CRAMER CRAMER CRAMER headline.

now i've wasted my time and made the zhedge wealthier.

who's as stupid as cramer, zhedge, or me?

let's go lower and find out.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:12 | 5150968 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

-82% ? Haa. a mere flesh wound. We have not yet begun to fight.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:23 | 5151028 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

No doubt. He could still lose another 82%. Then another. Then another.

Honestly, he's got a long ways to go at this rate.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:36 | 5151310 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

When you go that far under, do you create a credit event horizon?

Oh wait, guess the USA will find out...

Thu, 08/28/2014 - 18:41 | 5156165 SokPOTUS
SokPOTUS's picture

Credit Event Horizon.   Nice turn of phrase there, MsCreant...

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:58 | 5150888 Grande Tetons
Grande Tetons's picture

TSLA, FB, TWTR....

Grab a pen! 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 15:59 | 5150892 SickDollar
SickDollar's picture

who listens to this clown

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:01 | 5150908 Gaius Frakkin' ...
Gaius Frakkin' Baltar's picture

People watch Cramer like the entertainment at a Casino.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:00 | 5150905 RougeUnderwriter
RougeUnderwriter's picture

Buy buy buy

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:01 | 5150907 RougeUnderwriter
RougeUnderwriter's picture

Bye, Bye Bye - to all of my money

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:01 | 5150911 NOTaREALmerican
NOTaREALmerican's picture

I only invest with the Bronco Bama fund,   he called the bottom.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:32 | 5151079 astoriajoe
astoriajoe's picture

Still waiting for Jay Carney LLC

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:02 | 5150917 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

Same as his charitable fund. It is the size of my mothers PA ($2mm) and he has a co-cio on it.

He is part of the CNBC "expert" army. We really aren't wealthy HF investors/titans of business we just play them on TV.

Best thing one can do when that muppet comes on any channel is turn TV off.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:07 | 5150934 saveUSsavers
saveUSsavers's picture

only bigger idiot has to be Kernen Claptrap

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:03 | 5151416 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

My wife is a RAZOR when it comes to reading people and assessing their character.  She can figure people out in minutes that it takes me days or weeks to discover.  Years ago, she told me she never wants to see Cramer on our TV ever again.  "He's a horrible little person, and I think he's got 'issues'", she said.  Chalk another one up for the wife.

Joe Kernan got off more lightly. "I don't think he's nearly as smart as he thinks he is.  And he keeps talking over his guests.  I think he's a lightweight."

And I'm married to this woman.

You don't want to know what she thinks about me.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:43 | 5151573 Clycntct
Clycntct's picture

Over heard at the market by your wife speaking to a friend.

"Were human" "We all make mistakes"

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 19:09 | 5151662 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

"My wife is a RAZOR when it comes to reading people and assessing their character.  She can figure people out in minutes that it takes me days or weeks to discover."....

And yet, they can't change a lightbulb, or check the oil in their car... just saying.

Classic post, NoDebt.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 19:42 | 5151769 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

NoDebt,

+1000. Your wife sounds like mine, except Mrs Atomizer judges by voice tone. When I get in the Zerohedge blogging doghouse, she just calls me a goddamn piece of shit . ;-)

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:06 | 5150930 economessed
economessed's picture

The first thing I learned from one of the best retail brokers Smith Barney ever employed (waaaayyyyyy back in the day) was:

If someone actually found a way to consistently earn higher returns than a random walk or the S&P Index average, WHY WOULD THEY EVER TELL YOU ABOUT IT?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 19:32 | 5151736 Ratscam
Ratscam's picture

like the ranaissance fund?

Thu, 08/28/2014 - 08:59 | 5153278 zjxn06
zjxn06's picture

"WHY WOULD THEY EVER TELL YOU ABOUT IT?"

Buffet does and nobody listens.

Cramer and his "investment" show emphasize the need to be "doing something" every day. Buy, Buy, Buy. Sell, Sell, Sell.

Who are his advertisers? TD Ameritrade, Scott Trade...you get the picture.

Buffett says buy good companies significantly below intrinsic value and sit on your ass and wait until Mr Market comes to your earlier conclusion.

Too easy, so nobody does it.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:06 | 5150937 FightingtheFed
FightingtheFed's picture

I recall like it was yesterday the day Jim Cramer went on CNBC during the depths of the downturn and says "We must remember the Weimar.. we must rebuild confidence because if we do not the masses will begin pointing their fingers toward the Street and the Bankers..."

 

So it's all about putting a positive spin on every thing to Cramer.. Just make believe and pretend that debt doesn't matter...

 

I'll be honest with you.. Cramer is a disgusting criminal and I woudn't lose a wink of sleep if his head was beat in with a ball bat.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 19:10 | 5151672 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

"...I woudn't lose a wink of sleep if his head was beat in with a ball bat."

Well, kicked in the nuts, anyway.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:07 | 5150944 blu
blu's picture

Like Jerry Lewis, they think he is a comic genius in France.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:20 | 5151014 CHX
CHX's picture

Wait now, seriously, he's NOT a comedian? 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:44 | 5151338 Carl Spackler
Carl Spackler's picture

...which, for the most part, explains the French

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:10 | 5150961 seek
seek's picture

If I was still in the market, I'd be shorting the shit out of anything that shill was pumping. Looks like a great strategy to me!

-82% and the S&P keeps hitting new Fed-fueled records in the same time frame. Jesus.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:16 | 5150990 atthelake
atthelake's picture

Pump & Dump

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:40 | 5151324 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Hump a chump.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:18 | 5150994 Honey Badger
Honey Badger's picture

Jim Cramer is a cock gobbler. 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 19:34 | 5151748 Jendrzejczyk
Jendrzejczyk's picture

No Honey, he doesn't gobble, he just sucks.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:17 | 5150996 ShrNfr
ShrNfr's picture

FB, TWTR, .... You can't go wrong.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:20 | 5151011 ratpack1968
ratpack1968's picture

I knew investing had finally "jumped the shark" when stock recommendations were delivered by a loud fucktard with accompanying sound effects.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:22 | 5151025 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

AU, AU, AU...write that down....then pick some up!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:23 | 5151031 Schaublin
Schaublin's picture

Cramer Berkowitz ____________________________________________________________________ (10 foot barge pole) The clue is in the name.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:55 | 5151066 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

What a list of crap, jeebus!

Berkowitz got into T.V. for a reason it appears.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:33 | 5151084 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

    Cramer's living proof there's reptilian shapeshifters amongst us.

  CNBS'n it since 2005...

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:35 | 5151097 torabora
torabora's picture

So take his list and sell it short....profit!

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:50 | 5151156 RichardENixon
RichardENixon's picture

Cramer is the poor man's (sic) Slappy White. No offense intended to Slappy, rip.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 19:46 | 5151787 Jendrzejczyk
Jendrzejczyk's picture

Slappy's just thrilled your Alzheimer's hasn't erased him yet.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:56 | 5151176 Seize Mars
Seize Mars's picture

This asshole should be behind bars.
Oh yeah that's right, I almost forgot, he can get away with doing this to Americans because...he's special.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:57 | 5151181 blindman
blindman's picture

reposted from another post ....
.
Caravan To Midnight - Episode 110 Capital Kinetics with Greg Morse
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmJKrhWucC0

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 16:58 | 5151187 Fuku Ben
Fuku Ben's picture

I hope they do a reality show when he's living in his car again

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:01 | 5151188 honestann
honestann's picture

Grab a pen.

Okay, ready?

Never trust governments.
Never trust corporations.
Never trust advertising.
Never trust marketing.
Never trust celebrities.
Never trust television.
Never trust authority.
Never trust radio.

The one exception to the rule.  Trust the X-Files slogan:

TRUST NO ONE.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:02 | 5151198 crazytechnician
crazytechnician's picture

In other words, do not trust human beings. Trust Math,

 

Bitcoin , BTChez......

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:33 | 5151302 TeethVillage88s
TeethVillage88s's picture

Jurat Affidavit Of Gregory C. Morse In Support Of IRS Form 211 & SEC Form TCR Filings

4. The Securities Fraud, Tax Fraud and Tax Evasion perpetrated by the majority,
if not all, of the banking, financial, ratings and legal entities,
agencies and firms involved in the illegal securitization and trading of fraudulent RMBS
(and illegally taking advantage of the REMIC tax exempt feature of Federal Law and the IRS Code),
and simultaneously committing financially motivated RICO fraud activities, has resulted in the outright and direct theft of hundreds of billions, if not trillions, of tax dollars from the United States
Treasury and has resulted in the well -documented amassing of $700-800 trillion dollars of worthless long term RMBS debt
resulting from the multiple trading of these illegal and worthless securities.

DESTROYED AND SHREDDED DEEDS OF TRUST, MORTGAGE TRUSTS,
Real Estate Mortgage Investment Conduit (REMIC)

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:00 | 5151192 I Drink Your Mi...
I Drink Your Milkshake's picture

Com'on, you all know that Cramer is a clearing house wind pipe for WS, right?

Right?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:00 | 5151196 crazytechnician
crazytechnician's picture

If he put 50k into bitcoin his fund would be 5000% up.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:06 | 5151217 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

At some point my friends, you have to sit back and reflect on what you have done as a person, doesnt matter what you do for a living, but what you did to those around you.

Thats why so many find sollace in the bloke in the sky, that Dog bloke.  They couldnt believe they did what they did to their fellow humans just to make that extra buck.

Some folk lose that little bit of yourself that seperates us from the animals, they gave into the greed.  They didnt give a fuck about anyone at that point bar themselves.  Pity me eh?

And then you have people, and I am not fucking preaching here mind, like me, or you, or any of you that didnt do it for the money, you did it because it was your job, if like me, you did it because you wanted to, you could help others and you enjoyed doing so because you felt what you were doing actually mattered, or helped someone, it made you feel good about yourself, or let you sleep better at night, or you just knew, you didnt rip someone off.

Jim Cramer is not one of me.

I normally type angry here, but not tonight, I'm tired and feeling very fucking melancholy.

These fuckers dont even deserve your angry comments.  Kiss your wife, love your kids, and let this shit go.

You are all better than this, and trust me, I fucking know this for a fact.  The good, will always out weigh the bad, the bulk of you bitchez on ZH only confirm it.

Another rant off 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:12 | 5151235 crazytechnician
crazytechnician's picture

The only problem with smoking drugs - is that they wear off , and then you are back into this fucked up reality.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:21 | 5151264 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Thats a very true fact my crazytechnician friend.

The only problem is I have never done so, never liked it to be honest.

I must have one of those things even a bankster cannot buy, you know them 'Consience's'?

And lift your chin up mate, not everyone is out to get you.

There are some fucking decent folk roaming about you know.

Anyways, I much prefer beer, if you know what I mean?

;-)

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:45 | 5151336 crazytechnician
crazytechnician's picture

It's funny , you come across just like the really fucked-up guy from Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas , and , well , I really like that guy he has shall we say a sensible perspective on life .... I prefer red wine , in fact it's my only vice in this reality.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOmtVFQ3WF8

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:53 | 5151374 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

If I come across like that friend, I never meant it.  I type angry thats all.

There are some fucking good people here on ZH crazytechnician.

Give them all a chance, and believe you me, you will learn more than you ever wanted to know.

At the end of the day though, on a long enough timeline, we all get the same.

;-)

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:56 | 5151391 crazytechnician
crazytechnician's picture

Hey man , trust me , it's a compliment. Check the vid. and you will geddit. ..

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:07 | 5151433 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Well played mate.

I've never seen that film mind, but my avatar has....

Hehehe

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:23 | 5151269 john39
john39's picture

Mix- you are right you know.  the controllers want us all angry.  Orwell figured that out and showed it with the 'two minutes of hate' in 1984...

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:48 | 5151354 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

I know I'm right John, as I know you are.

My hate is long gone, bereft of a partner it could never keep.  Its pity now my friend.  Its pity for those that dont know whats coming their way.

It didnt have to be like this my friend did it?  They caused this, and thats the pity you see.

It didnt have to end like this.  But as man never learns, thats why I sit with a tear in my eye, smiling into a pint of Stella Artois, it WILL be like this.

Till we dont John.  Till we dont...

Is that melancholy?  Fuck me if I know now friend.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:02 | 5151410 crazytechnician
crazytechnician's picture

hater's gonna hate , lover's gonna - well you know.

bitcoin , BTChez.....

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:17 | 5151250 CHX
CHX's picture

When Cramer will pump gold at 3k, it'd be a sure sign to reduce the stack a bit. But till then...

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:19 | 5151257 knickfan81
knickfan81's picture

this is why sites like ArbitrageDude are awesome.  They have stock picks by accuracy ... does the writers accuracy outperform S&P on a risk-adjusted basis consistently. If so, then she/he is a winner!

 

Stock Picks by historical accuracy.

Historical accuracy is defined as return/risk > SamePeriodS&PReturn/Risk

Can't wait till sites like these use crowdsourcing to figure out best stock pickers amongst the 7bn of us, instead of the ponzies on Wall St. 

Stock picking BS games will end soon you hear me hedgefunds!!! Accountability now!! 

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:23 | 5151268 rosiescenario
rosiescenario's picture

Down only 82%.....did he supply that figure?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:53 | 5151379 Jethro
Jethro's picture

If gains were priced in Argentinian Peso's, it's in the positive territory....at least in numbers, not value

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:02 | 5151412 crazytechnician
crazytechnician's picture

value is subjective.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:24 | 5151273 Atlantis Consigliore
Atlantis Consigliore's picture

repeat after me?

Put him in a clown suit and makeup.


Never trust governments.
Never trust corporations.
Never trust advertising.
Never trust marketing.
Never trust celebrities.
Never trust television.
Never trust authority.
Never trust radio.

The one exception to the rule.  Trust the X-Files slogan:

TRUST NO ONE.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:32 | 5151294 TeethVillage88s
TeethVillage88s's picture

Never trust Lawyers
Never trust Politicians
Never trust Financial Advisers
Never Trust Mortgage Servicing Companies
Never Trust MERS
Never Trust Real Estate People to know the Industry & Contracts
Never Trust Justices or Judges who preside over Mortgage Foreclosures to understand OR Apply the Law, understand Trusts formed, and Understand REMIC formed

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 22:37 | 5152390 fxrxexexdxoxmx
fxrxexexdxoxmx's picture

You can trust with absolute confidence that Barrack Hussein Obama, the first African American Presiden of the United States of America, will continue to lie to the world.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:36 | 5151312 pot_and_kettle
pot_and_kettle's picture

Follow Cramer's picks??

I'd rather be subjected to the pear of anguish.

http://www.medievality.com/pear-of-anguish.html

Thu, 08/28/2014 - 06:46 | 5152933 Comte d'herblay
Comte d'herblay's picture

I don't think so.   Uh-uh.

Thu, 08/28/2014 - 08:26 | 5153153 pot_and_kettle
pot_and_kettle's picture

same net effect, though  :P

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:41 | 5151323 SillySalesmanQu...
SillySalesmanQuestion's picture

Shorting Cramer's stock picks or GS's buy reccomendations to the muppets, would be the ONLY way I would short stocks these days.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:54 | 5151383 besnook
besnook's picture

more than a few of those firms ende up doing alright so it is definitely a timing thing, always has been, always is with a time factor.

 

cramer is still an asshole, however, on a linear chart.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 17:57 | 5151390 Don Diego
Don Diego's picture

Trust a Tribesman at your own risk

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 19:51 | 5151813 lotsoffun
lotsoffun's picture

cramer was at the goldmine shacks under bob rubin.  he was such a nut job then, he got pushed out, even they knew it.  don't believe me, look it up.

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:06 | 5151420 Zodiac
Zodiac's picture

Why are we rehashing his pricks from almost 15 years ago?  He has been vastly wrong since then, but he has caught the wave of the Fed-induced bull market.  However, don't expect him to call a turn in the market.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:04 | 5151422 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Cramer on right now making fun of "polar bears".

Hey Jim, 14 years to regain the 2000-2001 NASDAQ losses.

And yes, 2009 actually happened, S&P 666.

Bubble economy.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:11 | 5151454 webspin
webspin's picture

Down 82% We must be referring to the typical tard that peruses zerohedge.

Investing isn't a religion and faith is for fools.
Christians, Jews, Islamists and Zerohedgians just can't figure it out.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 19:26 | 5151713 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

And you have?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 22:54 | 5152434 daveO
daveO's picture

Jimmie, is that u?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:12 | 5151457 Bloppy
Bloppy's picture

For years I've been waiting for Cramer to be hauled off in cuffs, but he clearly has friends inside the SEC.

 

Elsewhere: Senator Kirsten Gillibrand says she's been sexually harrassed but won't name the culprits:

http://tinyurl.com/mg2utx7


Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:50 | 5151538 NuYawkFrankie
NuYawkFrankie's picture

re Kirsten G. harrassment... wont name names...

 

My guess is that the perp is some foul-mouth bull-dyke - with 17" hairy ankles - named Hillary

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:13 | 5151461 AchtungAffen
AchtungAffen's picture

Sometimes nothing is a cool hand too.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:21 | 5151498 NuYawkFrankie
NuYawkFrankie's picture

A bombastic, bloviating buffoon

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:26 | 5151523 hegemony
hegemony's picture

I have handed out this article many times over the last 14 years anytime someone mentions crammer in a positive light. Don't forget that in october of 2008 he stated on the today show to take your money out of the market if you will need it in the next five years. So maybe he can claim you should be long for about the last ten months. He is a buffoon and a carnival barker. On a positive note a guy I used to trade with told me that crammer gave his mother a check for 10k at her husbands funeral about 18 years ago

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 18:37 | 5151550 windcatcher
windcatcher's picture

 

Cramer was a ass-clown when he arrived on the scene and he is a ass-clown leaving the scene. How many suckers did he rope in?

How many gold and silver suckers did Goldline rope in with Joe Baglia and his radio program?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 19:43 | 5151774 razorthin
razorthin's picture

I hate Cramer, don't get me wrong.  But 15 months after the peak of the .con bubble??  Almost any list would have been down about 50%.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 20:02 | 5151860 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Great comments ZH members. Think it's been nearly a year since I have watched CNBS on TV. Life is much better, so is my blood pressure. Have cheated listening on satellite radio, by pressing the CD button makes them go away. 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 20:06 | 5151884 TabakLover
TabakLover's picture

Cluck Framer.  And Warren Buffett too while you are at it.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 20:20 | 5151939 TheFulishBastid
TheFulishBastid's picture

for shitsngiggles went and checked vrsn stocks.  alltime high of 253 in feb of double aught.  I think everyone gives cramer too hard a time, he was only off by two years.  If you had followed his advice in 98 you'd have had a hell of a deal.

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 21:27 | 5152057 BeetleBailey
BeetleBailey's picture

Did a study on Jimmie....back in the roaring 90's....back when the street.com was...."cool".....all heads were a-Twitter over.....Jimmie...

Threw out that track years ago....but it was God-awful.

Tracked his picks to go up....they were aggregate down....75% loser-to-winner ratio if I remember right...

Asinine-ingly, his picks to avoid I also tracked. Aggregate down - but BETTER THAN HIS UP PICKS.....which made him even worse in my book.

The fuck couldn't even pick a loser...

His involvement in cnbc, or the fact that he is ALLOWED TO BE A STOCK SHILL ON TEE VEE, is a disgrace to the profession....

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 21:15 | 5152101 Vendetta
Vendetta's picture

Cramer is still alive? 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 21:27 | 5152135 pachanguero
pachanguero's picture

When will this asshole be indicted, convicted and sentenced to prison with Bernie made off.?

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 21:48 | 5152221 nathan1234
nathan1234's picture

Cramer is still around !!!!!!

Okay, Guess he will be still around as long as the Wall Street Cartel is around

 

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 22:06 | 5152303 bobthecat
bobthecat's picture

I don't care for Cramer, but the day they choose to analyze some of his picks carries a little selective bia.... Dot Come Bubble started to crash 9/10 days after this investor conference.... All the stocks he listed would obv be negatively affected by a bubble bursting.  So, we could attack him for not predicting the bubble, but that's not a great way to judge an investor.   Someone should do a study on all the stocks that Cramer has done a special around on his show.  Not the stocks that desperate people call in to ask for advice on, but the stocks that Cramer pitches, like one or two a show.  

Wed, 08/27/2014 - 22:50 | 5152420 daveO
daveO's picture

I remember March 2000. Janet Reno sued MSFT during the first week. I sold everything I had in the market. My family bailed, too. I'm just a stupid hick, but I knew that was gonna kill the market. It was the most obvious top ever. 

Thu, 08/28/2014 - 03:02 | 5152778 californiagirl
californiagirl's picture

What he really meant to say is:

We, and my hedge fund buddies, already bought these stocks before I got on the air to hype the. After enough of you sheeple drive the price up, we will unload them.

Thu, 08/28/2014 - 03:18 | 5152789 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

Anybody that pays any attention at all to this asshole deserves exactly what they get.

Jeez, what a jerk!

Thu, 08/28/2014 - 06:42 | 5152929 Comte d'herblay
Comte d'herblay's picture

Yada, yada, yada....but how have these stocks performed SINCE 2002????

 

And for Krissakes WHY oh WHY do you contaminate the Bodacious Ta-Ta pictures with a shrewish, Renee???

Why! Can't you leave well enough alone??

 

Thu, 08/28/2014 - 08:38 | 5153215 The Pop In
The Pop In's picture

"Goyim were born only to serve us. Without that, they have no place in the world - only to serve the People of Israel." "Why are gentiles needed? They will work, they will plow, they will reap. We will sit like an effendi and eat... That is why gentiles were created..."
- Rabbi Ovadia Yosef, Former Chief Rabbi of Israel

Thu, 08/28/2014 - 11:33 | 5153944 Jim Shoesesta
Jim Shoesesta's picture

hmmmm, this fiasco was 14 years ago,  and Crammer, as well as CNBC are less significant today then even then.    Next.........

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