Sometimes 0% Is Better Than -82%

Tyler Durden's picture

The Best Investment Article Ever Written:

The Winners of the World

February 29, 2000...


You want winners? You want me to put my Cramer Berkowitz hedge fund hat on and just discuss what my fund is buying today to try to make money tomorrow and the next day and the next? You want my top 10 stocks for who is going to make it in the New World? You know what? I am going to give them to you. Right here. Right now.


OK. Here goes. Write them down -- no handouts here!: 724 Solutions (SVNX), Ariba (ARBA), Digital Island (ISLD), Exodus (EXDS), (INSP), Inktomi (INKT), Mercury Interactive (MERQ), Sonera (SNRA), VeriSign (VRSN) and Veritas Software (VRTS).


We are buying some of every one of these this morning as I give this speech.

And then this...


*  *  *

Sometimes - it would appear - 0% is better than -82%...

*  *  *

h/t @RudyHavenstein

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Divided States of America's picture

when u lose your pants investing in Cramer's stock picks and go broke. I am sure he will have a seminar for all those people suing him and he will be touting his law firm Cramer Berkowitz LLC for your services.

Hippocratic Oaf's picture

"Should I be worried about Bear Sterns liquidity and get out of there? NO, NO, NO!"

"Bear Sterns is not in trouble!"

NotApplicable's picture

"Jim Cramer has NO IDEA!"

That any losses have ever occurred due to his advice.

giggler321's picture

Brings to mind those stupid adverts about the Lotto, "You gotta be in it to Win it".

Ofcourse they don't go on to say "You gotta be in it to Loose it".  They way things are going; the latter does not apply and either way you loose...

jbvtme's picture

until jim cramer (where did he get that christian name???) came along the term "douchebag" was gender specific.

camaro68ss's picture

His yields are still 18% higher then my wife on a shopping spree

I MISS KUDLOW's picture

The thing that MOST concerns me is he doesn't need to be doing what he's doing he could have boated off into sunset ten years ago but for whatever reason he craves the attention and he's a true psychopath for it all

camaro68ss's picture

He injoys sucking Yellen off. Be careful, don't want to get throte cancer like Jamie diamond

ilion's picture

Europeans are doomed as explained here

SRSrocco's picture

....and a 10% INCREASE in Canadian Silver Maple Leaf Sales is better than a -51% decrease in Gold Maple Sales 1H 2014.

SURPRISING UPDATE: Canadian Silver Maple Sales Stronger Than Last Year



jonjon831983's picture

Welll... he was sort of right, right? He said they're more likely to be taken over - and it was then taken over by JPM.

Clockwork Orange's picture

It is very OK to trust this man - he fights for the little guy.  Oh, wait.  Nevermind.  He is a scumbag shill / contrarian indicator. 

Keyser's picture

Welll... he was sort of right, right? He said they're more likely to be taken over - and it was then taken over by JPM.

Technically you are right, although I believe the price was $2.00 per share when it had been trading at $80.00... Hardly a coup for Cramer... 

Againstthelie's picture

The interesting question:

Why is such an incredibly incompetent person like Cramer paid a high salary by a financial TV-outlet?

The only answer that makes sense is: it's not competence that matters for them. But if competence does not matter, what is it, what Cramer and the TV-outlet are about...


armageddon addahere's picture

As long as his show gets decent ratings it will stay on. It is a cheap show to make and they don't care if everyone watches only to laugh at him, as long as they watch.

Thirtyseven's picture

He's a tribal first and foreskinmost.  That should tell folks something. 

There are clearly ulterior motives at work (and some general socio/psychopathy, on that I don't disagree) in this charade.

wallstreetaposteriori's picture

"they have NO idea how bad it out there"


"They have NO IDEA how bad it is out there--NO IDEA" there, fixed it for you.

wisefool's picture

B-cup burnett is on CNN now, unless the layoffs get her.

villainvomit's picture

A cup burnett is on CNN now, unless her greedy me me me gets her.......fixed it for ya !

She has a pretty face and seems bright, but damn that greedy me me me bitch.

SuperRay's picture

"Seems" - She seems like a teenager who is incredibly impressed with herself..

Sages wife's picture

Or my wife hosting a garage sale.

Dugald's picture


It's  LOSE sonny, Loose ain't the word.....!

wallstreetaposteriori's picture
  1. Loose [loos]adjectivelooser, loosest.
    free or released from fastening or attachment:
    a loose end. 2.
    free from anything that binds or restrains; unfettered:
    loose cats prowling around in alleyways at night. 3.
    uncombined, as a chemical element. 4.
    not bound together:
    to wear one's hair loose. 5.
    not put up in a package or other container:
    loose mushrooms. 6.
    available for disposal; unused; unappropriated:
    loose funds. 7.
    lacking in reticence or power of restraint:
    a loose tongue.
McMolotov's picture

There's also loose women.

Bob: "I might ask out Amber. I heard she's pretty loose."

Joe: "Yeah, she's given more rides than Greyhound."

villainvomit's picture

The only good thing I can think about Cramer is least he has no " I have no hair, so I will have a tiny pony tail and will show all the poor bastards who are forced to have CNBC running in the background my option prowess while my hair dresser braids my meager pony tail and replay ad nauseum"

McMolotov's picture

If I were a casting director auditioning people for the role of angry penis with a beard, I'd skip the try-outs and go straight to Cramer.

MsCreant's picture

You give him waaaay too much credit.


Edit: Maybe Hedwig and the angry inch, he could be the inch...

NoDebt's picture

He reminds me of Paul Giamatti (Pig Vomit), Howard Stern's Program Director in 'Private Parts'.

"But if they hate him, why do they keep listening to him??"

"Most common answer:  I want to hear what he says next."

"That mother fucker!"

rubiconsolutions's picture

Short Cramer....or is that redundant?

what's that smell's picture

i was too stupid to resist a CRAMER CRAMER CRAMER headline.

now i've wasted my time and made the zhedge wealthier.

who's as stupid as cramer, zhedge, or me?

let's go lower and find out.

SAT 800's picture

-82% ? Haa. a mere flesh wound. We have not yet begun to fight.

NotApplicable's picture

No doubt. He could still lose another 82%. Then another. Then another.

Honestly, he's got a long ways to go at this rate.

MsCreant's picture

When you go that far under, do you create a credit event horizon?

Oh wait, guess the USA will find out...

SokPOTUS's picture

Credit Event Horizon.   Nice turn of phrase there, MsCreant...

Grande Tetons's picture


Grab a pen! 

SickDollar's picture

who listens to this clown


Gaius Frakkin' Baltar's picture

People watch Cramer like the entertainment at a Casino.

RougeUnderwriter's picture

Bye, Bye Bye - to all of my money

NOTaREALmerican's picture

I only invest with the Bronco Bama fund,   he called the bottom.

astoriajoe's picture

Still waiting for Jay Carney LLC

lizzy36's picture

Same as his charitable fund. It is the size of my mothers PA ($2mm) and he has a co-cio on it.

He is part of the CNBC "expert" army. We really aren't wealthy HF investors/titans of business we just play them on TV.

Best thing one can do when that muppet comes on any channel is turn TV off.

saveUSsavers's picture

only bigger idiot has to be Kernen Claptrap

NoDebt's picture

My wife is a RAZOR when it comes to reading people and assessing their character.  She can figure people out in minutes that it takes me days or weeks to discover.  Years ago, she told me she never wants to see Cramer on our TV ever again.  "He's a horrible little person, and I think he's got 'issues'", she said.  Chalk another one up for the wife.

Joe Kernan got off more lightly. "I don't think he's nearly as smart as he thinks he is.  And he keeps talking over his guests.  I think he's a lightweight."

And I'm married to this woman.

You don't want to know what she thinks about me.

Clycntct's picture

Over heard at the market by your wife speaking to a friend.

"Were human" "We all make mistakes"

gmrpeabody's picture

"My wife is a RAZOR when it comes to reading people and assessing their character.  She can figure people out in minutes that it takes me days or weeks to discover."....

And yet, they can't change a lightbulb, or check the oil in their car... just saying.

Classic post, NoDebt.

Atomizer's picture


+1000. Your wife sounds like mine, except Mrs Atomizer judges by voice tone. When I get in the Zerohedge blogging doghouse, she just calls me a goddamn piece of shit . ;-)