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The One Thing The Bank Of Japan Apparently Can't Print More Of
First it was socialist utopia Venezuela and now Keynesian-economics favorite playground Japan is concerned about a troubling problem - fear of a toilet-paper shortage. As WSJ reports, the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry is encouraging families to stockpile at least one month’s worth of toilet paper in the event of a major disaster, as they "fear there would be a serious shortage of toilet paper nationally." Ironic really, given Shinzo Abe's past 'problems'.
As WSJ reports, the government is using the day to advise families to stock up on toilet paper.
Using the motto, “If you prepare, no despair,” the Ministry of Economy, Trade and Industry is encouraging families to stockpile at least one month’s worth of toilet paper in the event of a major disaster. The ministry is holding an exhibition at its headquarters and sponsoring panel discussions on the subject of toilet paper.
According to the ministry, “The biggest supply problem during the 1995 Hanshin Earthquake was not food or clothing, but toilet paper.”
...
If an earthquake strikes central Japan, the shortages could become even more severe. Forty percent of the nation’s toilet paper is produced in Shizuoka prefecture. “If an earthquake in the area affected Shizuoka, we fear there would be a serious shortage of toilet paper nationally,” says a METI news release.
Shizuoka-based Kasuga Paper Industry Co. has established a “Secure Supply System” for its toilet paper, allowing concerned families to preorder toilet paper for ready dispatch in case of disaster.
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As their currency rapidly becomes as worthless as the bathroom tissue, it's ironic really that this fear has arisen... given Shinzo Abe's past 'problems'.
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On a side-note, we suspect they will be needing a lot more TP if this incredible analog continues... from the last time Japan hiked taxes... (as we warned in April)
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Scrawny japs only need one sheet for that rice and fish diet.
Sounds like Johnny Carson's gag:
http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2011/01/johnny-carson-once-caused-a-month-long-toilet-paper-shortage/
COSTCO has the best toilet paper....
Long COSTCO Japan Inc
I suppose if you sell what you don't need, and make a tidy profit, .gov will want you to report capital gains on your TP! Taxes for TP!!
How many more taxes do you want on the TP?
HELL, the only one I see DIRECTLY is the 'sales tax', but I'm SURE there are a whole shitload of others (including the EPA's 'Spotted Owl' tax)... all built in to the end-price (the "END-PRICE", I didn't mean that term's double-entendre in 'the price you pay to wipe your rear end'; I meant the 'consumer price at the final sale, or "retail level"', so get those potty jokes out of your mind!).
If there is a major disaster, what makes them think there will be enough water to flush the TP down?
Tell them to just use the yen, it is more economical and they won't get shit on their fingers.
Dear Prime Minister Abe,
Let your central bank know that we have a surplus of toilet paper left over from Bernanke's tenure, if it gets desperate over there. We WOULD just load up a carrier and bring it over, but last time we came over to help, all our people started glowing in the dark, so transportation is up to you this time. On the brighter side, our Surgeon General says that radioactivity seems to counter the foul smell from all those unwiped 'bowel movements' (so we encourage you to keep using your own supplies of wood to make the paper, if your people can get close enough to keep cutting the trees down without falling down dead. We suggest the use of the homeless, as per Yazuki current recruitment contracts at Dai-ichi).
Sincerely,
Mr. Yellen
P.S.
Our FED would like to thank you for your support of our toilet paper for all these years (and a special thanks from General Electric for buying those Mark One BWR's) (and an extra-special thanks for processing all that D.U. for us. We never would have done Gulf war One so well without your assistance! The generals here need to know when Fukushima is coming back on-line, by the way. Stockpiles are running a little low right now...).
Buy extra toilet paper in case of an emergency, or just use the fiat that were marked for tp purchases to wipe your ass and save a trip to the store. Same same.
Pffff Bernanke can print up a batch in minutes
Time again for Clarke and Dawe's video copy of the broadcast on the Austrailian Broadcast System, back in 2011. It easily explains 'Quantitative Easing' so that even The Bernank can understand:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2AvU2cfXRk
'TAKE PRINTER OUT OF BOX AND PLACE ON TABLE WITH THE 'OUT-TRAY' FACING THE WINDOW.'
Eat more rice that shit binds you up
Scrawny? Go hang out at the nearest KFC or McDonalds in Tokyo (don't go too late at night. That's where the homeless live. If you do, buy them cup of coffee, give them a cigarette). Better still, the Krispy Kreme at Shinjuku Station. Westernization comes at a "heavy" price.
Yeah but they'll out live you. Japanese are among the most long lived people on earth. The iodine and isoflavones from the fermented soybeans assure that.
But hell one month? WTF? how about one year? its not like it will spoil and for what you'd pay for gasoline going out a picking up a roll every now and then, you might as well get a few jumbo packs and scratch it off the things to do for the next 365.
Fortunately, the Japanese have an ample supply of adult diapers which they can use if needed in a crisis. They are stockpiled for "entertainment purposes."
Corn has and had many great uses one is to wipe your ass with it!
It does gets softer with more use.
The crisis comes from diverting toilet paper imports to Fukushima.
It's okay I'm already invested in gompf sticks.
Forget about food, inflation, radiation....this concern trumps them all.
Radiation sickness causes diarrhea.
The Japanese government know what's coming.
They are scared (can't say shitless here can I?)
Of course you can say shitless.
edit: just noticed logical is older than I, no need for me to inform him ZH swears.
http://www.bloombergview.com/articles/2013-09-27/venezuela-is-running-ou...
Keep repeating the same crisis and expect a different outcome.
Those who chose not be be part of Global Banskterism, are chosen to become Failed States in 3 easy Steps*.
The "how" does not matter.
* Step 1: Chaos ab Ordo (Chaos out of Order) = Create the Problem
Step 2: Ordo ab Chaos (Order out of Chaos) = Offer the Solution
Step 3: Ordo Novo Seculorum (New World Order) = Enjoy the Solution, laugh all the way to the Bank
First you create the solution, Then create the problem to implement your solution and the sheep thank you
Shit!
FRNs, anybody???
Might be hard to wipe with a gold bar or silver coin. Thank goodness comex created cheap financial toilet paper.
When are they gonna start a USDTP Index?
'If you prepare, no despair that nobody has a square to spare' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gysu0kgFwT0
http://thepeoplescube.com/red/gallery/soviet-mike-komsomolets-a149/shitt...
There you have it, Shittens Mits for Japan.
Wait, wait.. they cannot print money to buy paper?
Or they cannot buy paper to print money?
What a Weimar RePUBIS!!!
I really hate to do this, but I feel I must.
Along with everything else people tell you to stock up on for a SHTF moment, the one thing they often neglect is a six months' supply of TP, so, since I just checked and I'm down to my last roll, I've decided that first thing tomorrow, I'm going to do it.
The local Dollar Tree store has some pretty decent single ply that comes in 250-sheet rolls, four to a pack, for a buck.
So, I take one shit a day on average (I'm a regular guy... or at least that's what I've been told). I like to get a good wipe, so I use an average of seven sheets, and, I wipe twice, just to be sure. (Come on, we've all been there, when an insufficient wipe has caused problems later in the day.)
So, that's 14 sheets a day. For purposes of easier math, let's make it 15 sheets a day.
Six months is roughly 183 days, so I'll need 2,745 sheets of TP. Divided by 250 sheets to the roll, that's 10.98 rolls. Jeebus! That's less than three packs, or three bucks for a six month supply.
Screw it. I'm going for a full year, plus some. Gonna gets me 8 packs. Eight bucks is a small price to pay for sublime, superior ass-wipe comfort. When the rest of the known universe will be walking sideways, using leaves and old newspapers, I'll be strutting like a peacock with a clean bung-hole.
Inflation? What inflation?
And don't forget sufficient supplies of duct tape and plastic sheeting. But then, you probably wouldn't need the toilet paper, because yuo'd be dead in less than two months.
That is some solid prepping. Some extra ammo to protect your stash would be wise.
Are you married? If you are you better buy 10 times what you think you need, AT LEAST!! You wife will burn you toilet paper so fast, and then she will be crabby if you run out. She will be so happy you prepped (there's a first for everything) and then she will be mad you didn't buy enough. If you aren't married, you might be golden.
He CAN'T be married; or he would have figured it out.
If he ever DOES get married, God help him if he has DAUGHTERS as well! I had FOUR; and let me tell you TRULY, the stockpile of toilet paper I needed on-hand filled the back wall of the frigging GARAGE! FUCK THIS, what about the supply of TAMPAX? Of course, there are the different varieties, like the little ones and the medium ones and the big ones and the extra-large ones, and the different 'applicators' (like plastic petals, plastic regulars, cardboard), and then the different 'PADS' needed as well (minipads, pads, maxi-pads, pads with 'wings', scented varieties of all these sizes, and of course the DOUCHES...
I SWEAR half a roll would be used by ONE DAUGHTER in one 'sitting' on ONE DAY [five or six days out of the month, for each, times five, four girls and the other one I married] (this doesn't include the bra-stuffing because she saw a boy who she thinks she liked)! At least TWICE a YEAR I had to pull the toilet so that the wadded-up TP could be cleared out (and one time, I found a 'Barbie Doll' head as well. I never asked about this one. You preverts out there know what happened, and you had better just shut the hell up). Every time I went in to the local hardware store (for several years), the clerk saw me coming, and had the 'wax toilet mounting ring' ready (just in case).
SERIOUSLY: The only thing this guy has gotten as far as a 'piece of ass' was when the 'seven sheets' ripped a hole when he was wiping the Klingons off of Uranus. HELL, the dude must not even MASTURBATE! Otherwise, he'd be talking about 'MOUNTY' (the 'quicker-dicker-picker-upper'). He CAN'T be MARRIED. I estimate the total cost of 'toilet paper' in the 25-year period ('PERIOD') to be upwards of 25,000 Fedscrip (and that's back when Fedscrip was atually WORTH at least 8 cents).
Guys wipe their asses once a day (dude is kind of stinky, though), but girls wipe their asses and their pussies after they pee and the blood 5 days a month and use it to spot their make-up and apply their make-up and...
Only 7 sheets ??????? Do you shit out of a barn door? What's been up there buddy to make it so wide?
Been doing the dollar tree 4rolls for a buck for a long time. I have a 16 year supply
How do you spell B I D E T?
Get this attachable one here from Home Depot for $37:
http://www.homedepot.com/p/Blue-Bidet-Non-Electric-Attachable-Bidet-Syst...
Catch that rain water and put it in a barrel on your roof to keep the water pressure up. Much more civilized than toilet paper. beter on the 'roids. Get cleaner. Save money in the long run.
What did the romans use?
"What did the romans use?"
They sure as HELL didn't use radioactive fallout rainwater up their asses or their twats.
'Oh, honey, you're asshole AND you're pussy are glowing in the dark! That's SO sexy...' (I can't speak Japanese, so someone needs to help with the translation)
FreeNewsEnerggy,
Stay out of debt and you don't need to prep for supplies.
Very fortunate person that never leaves the house. Don't need anything. Once the spine surgery is complete, will drive +100 MPH to make myself feel human again and out the medical industry scam. I keep demanding to get out of this fucked up medical circus. They don't want to lose the insurance revenue
My primary care doctor read the MRI notes. This neurological bitch doctor wanted more testing. The second MRI told the story. All collapsed spine and nerve related.
I remind them my last surgery was appendix removal in 7th grade. The gatekeepers state, the medical has grown since then. I reply, this entire industry is completely fucking dysfunctional. A long pause on the phone, do want to schedule that date with the doctor?
This is a high end insurance policy, not even Obama fuck me up ass health care scam. I pay high deductibles because I'm never ill. Sorry for rant. Today is one of those bad days. Shaking more than usual today . You would think I have MS.
"Stay out of debt and you don't need to prep for supplies."
You don't think that a series of high altitude detonations of thermal nuclear devices that creates electromagnetic pulses that knocks out the power grids is a credible threat? Think about it... When the power grids go down it ain't like just flipping a switch to get them powered back up. Credible electrical engineers say that when/if the grids go down(for whatever reason) they are not coming back--they will have to be rebuilt from scratch. Just trying to power everything back up from scratch will short things out left and right pretty much destroying the entire grid infrastructure.
That won't happen. As mutch as they create new terrorism attacks. They cannot lose the revenue income tricking in. The story you share is Mad Max Hollyweird caption. Will not happen.
Pretend you have USD$ 5 million every 6-7 months, 10 million annuallyi. Do you think someone is going to kill that income over some personal jackass in Israel?
I don't think so!
Listen carefully, 'Atomizer'; this is the TRUTH.
Mom is 78 now, and she was too stubborn for several years (decades, actually). She got sick, and I went down for a week to see and be with her and discuss the situation with my brother and the doctors. I thought I WAS a 'prepper', until I spent a week at the house. Holy SHIT!
Anyway, she is stubborn and ingored her health (she kept a 'stiff upper lip' and never wanted to go to doctors for decades). Of course, since the Obamacare shit, she REALLY didn't want to go. The WARNINGS came over the alternet to take care of any health issues in about 2011, but perhaps you didn't heed them (I KNOW SHE didn't).
NOW, she's sitting in a hospital in El Paso (right across the border with Ciudad Juarez, Mexico, where the ISIL/ISIS and the MS-13 are massing their first large incursion). She has suffered a series of strokes, and three vertabrae in her back have voids in them (due to heavy Aspertame consumption for the past 30 years), and her left leg and arm are swollen up because of various blockages in her vascular system. The POINT IS that all that stuff she was 'prepping for' over the years can't be accessed by her right now, and is sitting in the house, rotting; while the cross-border attack that is being set up is in it's final stages, just a couple of miles from her current location.
PREPPING means preparing for EVERYTHING (not just thermonuclear and biological attacks and 'martial law' and droughts and space-aliens and EMP attacks and Ebola and external threats in general).
YES, the issues have not been made clear; and the fiat incomes of everyone are worth the toilet-paper that they are written on. Some 'personal jackass' in the 'state' of 'Israel' has been feeding you the 'invulnerability' doctrine for decades, now. YOU PERSONALLY haven't been to a 'doctor' since the seventh grade, you state; and, NOW, you are laid up due to BACK SURGERY (you ALSO state in a previous posting).
Well, my brother (who is a lot closer than I am by about 1,000 literal miles) is pushing to get the hospital to release my Mom so that he can take her NORTH, this Thursday. IF they get out in time, I'm going to have to scold her for her inaction one day (because I am her son, and I love her, and I am also a male adult, north of fifty myself, and her own stubbornness has caused her issues, like she used to lecture me about when I was but a child).
If you don't have your HEALTH, your 'prepping' doesnt really matter; because you are at the mercy of your 'lessers' if you have not taken care of the Temple where you are forced to live.
NO 'sarcasm' tag.
Do you have first hand evidence of ISIS prepping for an attack from the Mexican border?
Tell that to the sun. Terrorist my ass, ever heard of a Carrington Event? Google it.
it aint if the grid goes down. its when.
beans and rice and TP and vodka. Doomsday shopping list. buy extra to swap with neighbors for those essentials that didn't make the cut.
bag that dryer lint and save it in a nice dry fireproof place like a block shed. Best firestarter this side of bear fur.
did I mention vodka?
but it's all digits on a computer somewhere right? It doesn't really mean anything right? Can't we hedonically adjust all those brown stains on all those previously tidy whiteys somehow? It's not like momma is gonna come out and tell you your ass is stinkin', she is gonna ask if you want to take a shower right?
LMAO
LMCAO (Laughing My Clean Ass Off) - Because I have one month of toilet paper! Thank you Central Planning!
Shit Paper. Like Gold. Well, Ammo is the real Gold.
Well now there will be a shortage. If the government says they are running out of TP, and to go buy a months worth, there will be a shortage.
BEE-Dayz are big in Japan. I meant, bee-DAYZ. The don't use a lot of toilet paper, so what is the intention of this?
Buy a solar powered/battery washlet, problem solved. They even have portable ones now, in case the sewer systems are down and you have to shit in your neighbors Bonsi garden. Or, you could just join the SHTF fettish club. Suprisingly, lots a cute girls in these.
I'd be careful of battery-powered bidets.
If they are not 'U.L.'-approved, they might disintegrate and melt and suddenly collapse at free-fall speed. HELL, even if they ARE 'U.L' approved, they might.
SOME girls might enjoy them, though (if you send them to China to be retrofitted with 'vibrating egg' tips). Some vibrating 'electroshock' stuff might even revive the whole 'porn toys' industry! A DOUCHE, and a VIBRATOR (with electroshock stimulation) that is CORDLESS as WELL! If it melts and collapses at free-fall speed, you can tell the horny but unsatisfied bitch that it's 'lifelike' (and she'll kiss you on the cheek, and tell you that it felt 'just like you do').
According to posts above, "Home Depot" (now the 'victim' of a massive Credit Card phishing scam as I write) is selling Bidets for only $37.00 (Fedscrip, that is). I was asked by the girl if they were 'portable' and 'cordless'.
Something tells me that a months worth of asswipes is the last thing the Japanese are going to need if there's a major disaster.
When TSHTF bog paper will be more valuable than $s
If said $s are in the form of zeros and ones, you can't even wipe your arse on them.
I'm thinking more along the lines of potable water and lead-lined underware. :-)
Here are some REAL historical facts regarding LEAD.
LEAD was used quite widely as a paint additive and an 'octane booster' for straight-chain refined gasoline, UNTIL 1973, in the CONUS.
A study ('study') by some commiesymplant university was 'cited' by the 'EPA' regarding the incidence of LEAD in gasoline and the lowered I.Q. levels in children who lived close to FREEWAYS. The CONCLUSION was that the 'lead additives' were causing this issue (it failed to mention the socio-economic factors, racial makeups, or lack of two-parent households in people whose bastard and mullato children were living in the 'lower-income' stratas near fucking FREEWAYS due to the fact that they were too unintelligent to be able to make enough income to live farther away from the undesirable areas in question). When questioned and grilled by the Congress, they; in desparation; used the strange and weird reference that has no correlation in reality; citing the wild conclusioin that the 'children' were' licking the lead-lined paint off of the walls' in the tenements, barrios, and (ghettos, but this term is REALLY 'rayciss'!, AMEN, forever and ever) that were within the few kilometers (KLIKS; like that of the 'Geiger Counter', 'coincidentally') of proximity of the 'FREEWAYS'; and that the reason was that they were 'malnourished' and seeking 'essential minerals'. Of COURSE, everyone has seen human children licking walls (haven't they?).
NO BULLSHIT.
Naturally, since LEAD is now all but BANNED, the EPA is working to outlaw it's use in such things as AMMUNITION. We can't let the poor children SUFFER, can we?
It's interesting to note that the early 'bullet-proof vests' were lead-lined (WAY before the invention of 'KEVLAR' which is a peculiar mixture of epoxy resins and fiberglass that is injected with nano-metallic powders such as LEAD).
Potable water is SO 'twentieth century'!
Lead is mighty soft. you can bend it with your bare hands. Don't think it would make a very good bullet proof vest. Ever wear an x-ray vest or apron? they are heavy as fuck.
I can't imagine wearing that for an hour let alone all day.
Lead is pretty toxic. Glad its out of gasoline, pretty foolish to try to remove it from ammo though.
MontgomeryScott
This is hilarious as it is true. I can stop laughing reading this in a Texas drawl.
Your my new friend.
Larry
Nothing to worry about.
There hasn't been a 'major disaster'.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wE2eTebInJ8
IF there's a 'major disaster'. The FUTURE tense, I presume.
Go back to sleep, now: Your govenment is in control! There are more radionucliedes in BANANAS than in those explosions,; and afer all, SOME radiation is GOOD FOR YOU!
The Japanese people simply need a little more 'roughage' in their diets to counteract the diahrreal discharges. Loss of hair and teeth and skin is simply due to a diet low in McDonald's beef and KFC fried chicken skins. In the MEANTIME. keep stockpiling toilet paper (it has 'NO' expiration date! [unlike the entire Japanese population seems to have now]).
Did you know that the Federal Reserve System has it's own POLICE FORCE?
No way, man,! TEPCO alone is full of huge assholes!
Save the trees! I wonder if Abe has shares in a TP company... I also wonder if japanese anti logging activists chain themselves to Bonsai trees.
Man, this is getting too easy - it's shooting fish in a barrel. We gotta raise the bar on snark for this headline!
Thanks, everyone, for the laughs. We need threads like this more often. I shit you not!
Abe says - "next drisaster sooo big yu gunna shrit yor serlf"
2012 after cyclone Yasi hit australia 1000's of acres of pine forest was wiped out, the whole lot was sent to Japan to be made into TP.
Them Japs must be full of shit...