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AAPL Stock Fades On 'Apple Watch' Unveiling

Tyler Durden's picture




 

It's square with a metal band, rotating dial...

  • *APPLE INTRODUCES 'APPLE WATCH'
  • *'APPLE WATCH' HAS SMALL DIAL ON THE SIDE FOR ZOOM, SCROLLING
  • *'APPLE WATCH' HAS NOTIFICATIONS FOR TEXT MESSAGES
  • *'APPLE WATCH' APPS INCLUDE MAPS, PHOTOS, MUSIC, MESSAGES
  • *APPLE WATCH HAS MAGSAFE, WIRELESS INDUCTIVE CHARGER, VERGE SAYS
  • *'APPLE WATCH' DETECTS PULSE RATE
  • *'APPLE WATCH' HAS TOUCH SCREEN
  • *'APPLE WATCH' INTERFACE AND STRAPS CAN BE CUSTOMIZED, CHANGED
  • *'APPLE WATCH' COMES IN TWO SIZES
  • *'APPLE WATCH' COMES IN CLASSIC, SPORTS AND GOLD EDITION MODELS
  • *APPLE IPHONE IS REQUIRED WITH 'APPLE WATCH'

It appears the market is disappointed in the watch and loved the payments...

The reaction so far...

 

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Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:31 | 5198535 Banker Buster
Banker Buster's picture

All Your Base Are Belong To Us

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:33 | 5198554 strongband
strongband's picture

What next, the Apple Pippen watch?

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:34 | 5198557 Lawn.Dart
Lawn.Dart's picture

What is the first sign of a substantial foreign invasion?...

 

Your smart phone and smart watch stop working.

then the lights go out.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:52 | 5198650 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

People streaming across the southern border signing up for welfare?

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:36 | 5198565 InsaneAngloWarLord
InsaneAngloWarLord's picture

If you wanna say Hi to the NSA you need to strap on the iDildo. yes it can be strapped right to your forhead.

 

Don't fucking judge me god dammit.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:39 | 5198578 TabakLover
TabakLover's picture

Draghi Top saved by Apple watch.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:38 | 5198580 huggy_in_london
huggy_in_london's picture

That is a very very ugly watch.

 

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:39 | 5198581 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 

 

  Cardiologists across the USSA should be booked solid for the next 10 years, when the serfs see their heart rate, blood pressure, & glucose levels. iWatch may feature blood pressure, glucose and sweat analysis sensors, awaiting FDA approval

   Does it come with Obamacare app?

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:39 | 5198582 XRAYD
XRAYD's picture

What I want to see, is the MAP on the iPhone ... with my Google Glass!

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:42 | 5198587 XRAYD
XRAYD's picture

Now ... for Obmacare and Medicare to pay for all this gee-whiiery vapr ware with free phones! And GOOG Glass!

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:41 | 5198592 FreeNewEnergy
FreeNewEnergy's picture

My favorite headline:

APPLE WATCH' DETECTS PULSE RATE

This is apparently so you can see how excited you are, paying for more iShit with ApplePay on your iPhone. I-flabbergasted.

I-NEEDTOSMOKEMOARWEED!!!

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:41 | 5198597 Tenshin Headache
Tenshin Headache's picture

Here is some serious competition for the i6 Plus, from Samsung, in the form of the Note Edge. Not too shabby.

http://www.samsung.com/global/microsite/galaxynoteedge/index.html

The Samsung Gear S watch is also very nice, if somewhat big:

http://www.samsung.com/global/microsite/gears/gears_features.html

 

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:44 | 5198610 BrokusDickusMaximus
BrokusDickusMaximus's picture

Obama Watches right before the midterms. A hole in one!

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:46 | 5198613 XRAYD
XRAYD's picture

The REAL winners here?

AAPL has given them have a gift.

The guys selling fake watches on NYC streets?

No one need a $350 watch and a $600 I phone, when they look just as cool with a fake iWatch on their wrist for $50!

The chics just dont care! As long as one looks cool.

 

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:47 | 5198614 JRev
JRev's picture

Are any of these shitty "watchputers" functional at all? No. Are they more useful than the tracking devices we already have in our pockets? Hell no. Do they get us prepared for a world where technology will be on our bodies at all times, and eventually, in them? That's the question worth pondering, if you haven't already.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:47 | 5198624 FreeNewEnergy
FreeNewEnergy's picture

Somebody help me out here.

I have a house which I rent out to a couple on welfare (more on that later) and their two kids. They also let two friends live there rent-free (this will end, I assure you).

As of the end of this month, the couple will no longer be receiving public assistance, meaning I won't get a rent check. They have two kids, in school, so they don't count, but as of October 1, I will have a house inhabited by four adults (and two kids), of which only one works, and none of them pay rent.

But, all four of them have smart-phones. (BTW, I don't. Still use land-line since I run my business from my home)

Something just doesn't seem right.

Suggestions, pithy, idiotic, sadistic or otherwise, welcome.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:53 | 5198655 metaforge
metaforge's picture

Suggestions?  Yeah it's called: eviction.   Get friendly with your local sherrif.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:03 | 5198700 Raoul_Luke
Raoul_Luke's picture

Depending on where he is, that may not be easy due to the kids.  And/or, God forbid, one (or more) of the adults is disabled...

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:16 | 5198790 Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture

The property is insured against accidental fire, innit?

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:34 | 5198870 tony wilson
tony wilson's picture

freeenergynews

your in trouble fella those 4 potential perps smell your weakness and fear.they will kill you move into your home and take over your life pretend top be you until you money runs out.

i would go around a kill them first

all of them to be safe your end.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:43 | 5198907 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Well, the answer is obvious. Go buy iPhones for the two kids.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:53 | 5198949 edifice
edifice's picture

These are the same people you see walking out of Best Buy on Black Friday, with their 100" LCD TV, trying to load it and their 300 lb. asses into a 1992 Ford Festiva.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 16:18 | 5199079 rejected
rejected's picture

LOL,,,, I actually saw a situation very close to that. (It was an old Ford Escort) It was so funny I re parked and watched the whole ordeal. Would have put Worlds Funniest Videos to shame.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 16:03 | 5199007 Quantum Darwinism
Quantum Darwinism's picture

I'm sure you can find something along with non-payment of rent that would lead to a swift eviction (like drug use and such).

I've been evicted in the past, and it's not even because I failed to pay rent (I ignored the notices, assumed they were bluffing, didn't attend the hearing = automatic win for landlord corporate Real estate investment trust). I learned my lesson; only rent for owners, not corporations.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:48 | 5198625 metaforge
metaforge's picture

Does it come with some of Jobs' ashes inside?

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:52 | 5198645 cocoablini
cocoablini's picture

If I shove it up my ass for 15 years, will be get better?

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:14 | 5198660 Fuku Ben
Fuku Ben's picture

Great! A black cube you can strap to your wrist instead of on your head

You can say prayers (cast spells) into it and worship the god of time and space simultaneously after your sign a contract to give up your soul and pay a convenient monthly tithing

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:56 | 5198665 FreeNewEnergy
FreeNewEnergy's picture

Mandy Drury (the hot Aussie blonde) is on CNBC getting all hot over the iWatch. I swear she's about to jump up on the desk and finger-fuck herself to a pulsating, magnificent orgasm, screaming, "Tim Cook, you're so hot, take me now you fucker!"

I'd pay to watch that shit. Obviously, this is my day off

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 14:58 | 5198686 Raoul_Luke
Raoul_Luke's picture

You know Tim is gay, right?

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:03 | 5198705 Peak Finance
Peak Finance's picture

BULLISH BULLISH BULLISH!!!

 

You guys are missing something obvoius here:

 

After the initial iWatch TOTAL FAIL (Which it will fail totally and completely at 349 USD!!!?!?!??!?!?!?) Apple will lobby congress and have iWatch declared a "Medical Device" which will then be paid for by the government for every member of the entire Free Shit Army!

 

Apple 500 by Dec 30th!!   LOLZ!!!!

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:03 | 5198707 NDXTrader
NDXTrader's picture

This is the dumbest product I've ever seen. They might as well write "Bust" on the front. It's a calculator watch. And iPhone "is required". Well if I have the phone why would I need the watch? What a disaster

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:22 | 5198812 Proofreder
Proofreder's picture

YOU need that watch, buster.

to look sooooo kuel.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:10 | 5198762 drinkin koolaid
drinkin koolaid's picture

Buying climax - short rallies to 103ish.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:13 | 5198773 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

I bet it is a Casio under the hood.  Probably bumped the price from 34 to 349$

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:42 | 5198788 Kantbelieveit
Kantbelieveit's picture

It's a compromised design caught between watch as jewelery and multifunction computer. The interface differences will overload customers who can barely manage a smartphone. Initially, many will be sold as gifts and trinkets, but this will not be a big new market for Apple. They seem to have talked themselves into believing that this is the next big thing, but it's just an inconvenient appendage to the iPhone.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:21 | 5198814 Jugdish787
Jugdish787's picture

Big fucking deal...a watch?? seriously?  I stopped wearing watches when I started carrying a cell phone everywhere that also shows what time it is.  The only people that will be interested in this will be the die hard apple people.  I am in business and the only watches i see people wearing are for cosmetic purposes only.  Apple is out of innovative ideas, what a let down.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:24 | 5198820 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Now this is cool!  and only $13 advertised right here on zh:

http://www.miniinthebox.com/unisex-pu-analog-quartz-wrist-watch-assorted...

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:24 | 5198824 Blazed
Blazed's picture

A calculator watch on steroids.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calculator_watch

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:29 | 5198853 edifice
edifice's picture

I think the iPhone 6+ is pretty cool... Not cool enough to actually buy, but it looks neat.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:38 | 5198882 Peak Finance
Peak Finance's picture

Missed opportunity..

at 99 it's a great toy

at 199 well ok but maybe just for serious athletes

at 349 just fucking nuts

They had a chance to make a REAL medical breakthrough here.  It was originally rumored to have blood sugar monitoring. Seeing blood sugar in real time as you eat would have been a game changer. You would have been able to see those carbs fuck up your blood sugar in real time. Possible you could know the MOMENT you started to become insulin resistant from a bad diet! However for some reason this truly ground-breaking achievement was dropped. 

 

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:39 | 5198888 css1971
css1971's picture

I have a Casio. A cheap Casio. Cost me 35GBP in 1999, so it's 15 years old now and pretty scratched up. Changed the batteries twice on it, yes they last 5 years+. Accurate *to the second* over years.

As someone who has to deal with technology daily. this is easily the single best technology investment I ever made. Absolute reliability.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 16:49 | 5199215 maneco
maneco's picture

i had a similar Casio back in the 1980s! What's so technological about the iWatch?

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:42 | 5198896 silentboom
silentboom's picture

Honestly I just don't see the point and I've been in IT for over 20 years.  The screen is too small for anything other than a fitness application, I'm not going to talk to my wrist like some out of date James Bond to make a phone call.  Phones are already small enough and likely to already be in your pocket.  I don't see the need.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:42 | 5198906 ajax
ajax's picture

 

 

Tim Cook should tuck his fucking shirttails in like an adult - bet he doesn't cover his mouth with his hand when he yawns either. Fucking disgrace.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:56 | 5198964 edifice
edifice's picture

He's just trying to relive his hipster days. Don't knock him too hard.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 20:46 | 5200092 mijev
mijev's picture

Tim is a shirt lifter so it may be just a convenience thing.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:49 | 5198924 TomGa
TomGa's picture

And the list will grow by one....

Worst Apple Product Disasters of All Time

 

(Still can't forget the Apple Lisa rollout.)

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:49 | 5198933 lilimarlene1
lilimarlene1's picture

Not that anybody will admit to it (well, maybe here) but people do text and drive. People do look at their diretions on their phone, over there somewhere to the right. 

When you look, your eye can track in the linear left to right fashion that it normally does; that it has been trained to do. It's not so great to do (tho people do it), but with a phone you can do a quick sidelong glance and see if you are headed in the right direction. If someone returned your call, email, text. You just can.

Conversely, taking your eye off the road to look left, to your left hand, is a whole other matter. T'other matter completely.

No. This will not do!

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 15:49 | 5198934 lilimarlene1
lilimarlene1's picture

Not that anybody will admit to it (well, maybe here) but people do text and drive. People do look at their diretions on their phone, over there somewhere to the right. 

When you look, your eye can track in the linear left to right fashion that it normally does; that it has been trained to do. It's not so great to do (tho people do it), but with a phone you can do a quick sidelong glance and see if you are headed in the right direction. If someone returned your call, email, text. You just can.

Conversely, taking your eye off the road to look left, to your left hand, is a whole other matter. T'other matter completely.

No. This will not do!

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 16:01 | 5198992 abatis
abatis's picture

I was hoping for something a little more creative, like an iShillelagh. Not only could you use your iShillelagh like a phone, camera etc, but also for self defense when the brown shirts are clubbing you at a peoples ralley.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 16:21 | 5199094 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

Big deal, Dick Tracy had one decades ago....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Dt2wrr.jpg

 

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 16:34 | 5199160 maneco
maneco's picture

I'll hold on to my Rolex!

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 16:39 | 5199163 RealityCheque
RealityCheque's picture

I have a "contactless payment solution" already: its called cash. It's accepted everywhere, its light and it isn't at all prone to being hacked.

Always some motherfucker trying to reinvent the wheel.

Oh and on a side note: smartwatches are shit. Always have been, always will be. They are the mother of all pointless products. File them next to Google Glass as being only for pretentious cunts.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 16:36 | 5199168 orangegeek
orangegeek's picture

Apple introduces its i-shit and AAPL closes down 0.4%.

 

Good job Tim.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 16:59 | 5199248 AdvancingTime
AdvancingTime's picture

An article appeared on MarketWatch in the middle 0f 2012.that was titled "Ten Things Apple Won't Tell You" It was penned by Quentin Fottrell who writes for SmartMoney.com. I thought it had a lot of merit. You can chase the article down or see the bulk of it below and that will give you the general idea of its message.

http://brucewilds.blogspot.com/2012/09/10-things-apple-wont-tell-you.html

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 17:08 | 5199277 FreeNewEnergy
FreeNewEnergy's picture

What happened while I was away?

Tim Cook took a dump on stage. Next up, the I-Shit-You-Not.

I remember when Apple introduced the Mac (seriously, who can forget the best commercial ever made) and it revolutionized the printing business, replacing typesetting machines and chemicals and darkrooms with a computer and paper on your desk.

I too had a Lisa. So sad when she burned up right in my office (it was a POS). Since Steve Jobs - the real genius of our generation - died, Apple has innovated in exactly which area? Music? Nope. Communications? Nope? Idiocy? Yep.

This company is worth a little more than the huge amount of cash on hand and that's it. The iphone was the apex of their achievement and that was Jobs' doing. Ever since his death, nearly three years ago, this company has been running on fumes.

I still love Apple computers and still use them, but they're fading fast and some new, innovative company will grab share from them soon. Back in 1999, I advised people in a newspaper article to buy Apple stock, seeing that Jobs had returned to the company. Unfortunately, I was too broke to take my own advice. Otherwise, I'd be wealthy.

Here's my opportunity (yes, it knocks more often than once) to finally win on Apple - on their demise. It may be slow and painful, but I'd say that within two years, the stock price could easily be cut in half. We're in the eighth inning of a nine inning game and not just Apple will fall, but lots of other overpriced stocks.

I've seldom been so confident. Tim Cook is no Steve Jobs, that's for sure.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 17:11 | 5199289 ToNYC
ToNYC's picture

APPLE PAY = PAY APPLE,

same as the old app, catching up to the rest with the best of shiny times.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 17:17 | 5199301 mdtrader
mdtrader's picture

Good to see Tyler is still in the anti Apple camp. When did you start calling the stock a bubble Tyler? Around $45 bucks! A broken clock is right twice a day! Perhaps you should get yourself an iWatch and then you can watch the stock go to $145!

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 17:19 | 5199310 Super Hans
Super Hans's picture

Who the hell even wears a watch anymore?  I go rid of all of mine, and I've not worn one since '01

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 19:19 | 5199723 ToNYC
ToNYC's picture

Wearing a watch is so 20th Century.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 17:27 | 5199333 IndyPat
IndyPat's picture

This reminds me of futons and El Caminos....
Futon sucks at being a bed and a couch.
El Caminos make shitty trucks if you have to haul something and they are one fugly useless car.

Wow. Leading us into the future with this turd, eh? They've really taken a loose stool with this idea. This will be Apple's "Windows ME" ....or Windows 8, for that matter.

Nonetheless, I know about 3 hipster fucks that will camp out for this and probably have it surgically embedded on their skinny limp wrists.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 17:39 | 5199371 NaN
NaN's picture

Everyone here is so contrarian, the only way for me to be contrarian is to say I Like It. It has haptics. Induction charging.

And of course people will buy these. Notice that the pocket watch was wiped out by the wristwatch. For the same reason, the wrist form factor will extend the smartphone in your pocket.

Wed, 09/10/2014 - 15:28 | 5201076 RealityCheque
RealityCheque's picture

No it wont. The phone killed the watch. Time wont move backwards.

And smartwatches are total bollocks. "Oooohh great, the screen is fucking tiny, have a look at this postage stamp sized photo of my kids!"

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 17:58 | 5199437 Frankly Speaking
Frankly Speaking's picture

Hoping it has a micro phone and camera which transmit directly to the NSA. And a GPS so that you know where you are at any time. Lol. But, people will probably line up to enter the matrix.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 18:21 | 5199518 mdtrader
Tue, 09/09/2014 - 18:43 | 5199603 scubapro
scubapro's picture

 

 

my wife who hasnt heard anything about apple today... i said the new thing is an iwatch, she says, what like a stalker-app? 

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 22:28 | 5200490 talisman
talisman's picture

Despite obvious ridicule,
it worked for the "I-Pad"

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 19:07 | 5199692 Falconsixone
Falconsixone's picture

Whoa! Coo!  That fucker'll think for yew! Better make it in ugly green so everyone can c i-got-1-2...What time is it? Who gives a shit look at this thingy that'll tell me if if my mellons ripe enough for prunning or somethin an stuff....lol 

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 19:40 | 5199818 SilverRaven
SilverRaven's picture

G-Shock forever baby!

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 20:06 | 5199915 Xrated
Xrated's picture

Does it come with a free set of reading glasses for the over 40 crowd?

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 21:01 | 5200155 The Count
The Count's picture

My G Shock survies ocean water, pool water, steam room, sauna, whirl pool with flying colors. Never any issue.

Tue, 09/09/2014 - 20:59 | 5200146 The Count
The Count's picture

This will be really big one day...but I will pass for now. Maybe in a year or two  the watch will lose half its width and double the battery life.

I don't wear any watch thicker than 4mm and have a laughing fit when I see those GIANT Invicta watches on ShoptNBC.

 

 

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