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SCoTLaND: BaLL IN PLaY...
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Scotland, please vote yes. The floodgates of investment will open up. Nobody wants to deal with the English moneychangers and support the Royal pricks.
they should settle it on a rugby pitch, the little poofter Cameron can accept the kickoff, then get pounded by a few large, angry Scots, and cleated in his back after releasing the ball, sorry mate!
If Scotland becomes indepentent they will owe a great debt to Mel Gibson, Liam Neeson, Battlestar Glatica and William Banzi. And a super reformation upon the meme the pen is mighter than the sword.
As a Canadian I have to be two faced.
Lovely free trade zone with bonded warehouses for Chinese firms and banking in yuan. Membership of Shanghai Conference and lease payments on RAF Lossiemouth. The 10 US bases hosted by the RAF are in England
WB7,
you know how some days a crazy-lookin cat photo is just the thing, and on other days not even the zaniest of feline hijinks can move you? well, you just so happened to've found janus happily situated in the former state. i can't say whether or not i want the cat to get the laces whacked across his face; and for the sake of humor, it doesn't in this case really matter. i think the funny's more from the cat's expression, appearing as if that cheek punt is the last thing he needed or expected...an unfortunate little surprise for any cat of distinction. also, the boller cap was the mot juste (as the frogs out paris-ways are known to say).
anyway, and speaking of the french, i was scrolling back through some of your recent work, just to see if i'd missed anything; and i made a shocking discovery! specifically, i'd missed something. and so it's always nice when you find what you're looking for. as regards the frogs out paris-ways, i stumbled upon a WB-workup what had hollande tuggin at obozo's ears for the house of saud's amusement. twas' amusing for janus -- just as much as for any arab of distinction.
and there was something else, that pic of general powell holding the used condom with the clothespin, underscored by the title "Evidence". that was sweet.
but WB, ZHealots one & all, and other distinguished guests, i have some good news and some bad news -- and a story to go along with it (you know, to really flesh out the moral in this true-to-life fable).
bad news first: for what is likely the first time in my life, and certainly for the first time in my career as janus, i was wrong about something.
the good news: i was sure that death was coming to visit me prematurely.
as you can see, i was mistaken; but i am more than happy to disappoint all you haters with my failure to expire. that's right, janus and ebola are here to stay for quite a while...so you'll have to just get used to us -- like it or not.
basically, i'd endured an excruciating headache for over a week solid...without its ever abating, and, most alarmingly, its gradual amplification. certain that i'd contracted some nasty case of brain cancer or that an aneurism had erupted into an angry and turgid mass within my crania, i was making preperations for to meet my Maker...there were other symptoms besides that led me to believe one of these two to be the case.
in any event, i'd resigned to nobly & calmly march towards death's icy embrace. and so it was that i marched & waited, with no small measure of dignity and grace, for the grim one to come swiftly along and scoop me up with his terrible sickle. but the unimaginable and uninterrupted agony stifled my patience and stirred me to action. i don't fear the grave, but searing pain stretched out over weeks on end is a different kettle of fish.
and so, around four am, nearly a fortnight past, i checked myself into the local ER and the attending physicians shared my suspicions. after a CAT scan revealed the absence of a ruptured aneurism or gnarled and malevolent lump in my grey matter, they preformed a spinal tap to clear away any other concerns. before continuing, i'd like to note -- and for the record -- that spinal taps (otherwise known as lumbar punctures) are not nearly as cool as the band so named.
as thing stand, i'm over three weeks into the worst headache of my life...but, all the same, i'm comfortably medicated (as long as i don't sit up or stand). nevertheless, a nervous tension in me accumulates if'n i go too long without engaging in some form of creative writing...so i'm going to share the story of my most recent experience with the medical industrial complex; at least, the one preceding this most recent experience with the MIC...so this is not the story of my aneurism/cancer scare; this will instead be the story of my freakish hemorrhoid from over three years back.
in the summer of 2011, i'd somehow contracted a hemorrhoid which was no less the size of half an adult's thumb. this was in alabama, shortly before my exodus from dixie.
not wanting any human being to see the thing, much less preform any procedures 'down there', i'd determined to fix the thing myself. after speaking to a physician-friend, i followed his advice to the letter (which, i must confess, was advice qualified with the admonishion that i 'seek medical care, as these things can be serious'...blah, blah, blah (doctors, they never shut up with the superfluous advice)). my friend's advice consisted in my downing a couple of beers (because it's gonna hurt) and then, with one decicive motion, to push the thing back into my colon. easy-peasy.
it is not often that my wife sees me bleeding from my mouth, even less from my nose and absolutely never from my anus; but that is precisely how she found me -- in rare form indeed -- oozing blood from every listed orifice. her panic and utter confusion were understandable, but, even so, it is never pleasant emerging from an unconscious state with ones wife screaming questions for which one hasn't any easy answers.
apparently, janus had fainted from the do-it-yourself hemmoroid treatment, fell face first into my desk, busted my lip, broke my nose and scraped my forehead...doctors call it a vaso-reflex (or something like that); whatever the case, it made an awful ruckus. and so mrs. janus charged up the stairs to find her dignified husband unconscious, with his pants and boxers gathered about his ankles, bleeding anus, mouth, nose and brow...again, she can be excused her confused alarm.
it was decided that i fill her in on the details on the way to the ER. janus, being the man of the family, insisted on driving (i may've been nearing death's doorstep, but i sure as hell wasn't going to pull-up in the emasculated position of having been driven there with my wife at the wheel). at this time, i had only VA medical care. and for those familiar with such, VA medical care can be mixed bag...much depends on the facility; and the one in montgomery, alabama sucks (as does most everything in montgomery, al).
the nurses were, one & all, obscenely obese and uniformly (and passionately) prejudiced against white people. i was very sorry to have interrupted their race-rioting or whatever else it is those people do to occupy their time until opportunity affords their participation in the next race-riot, but there i was, about to be the next victim of bigotry.
normally, black women love me (and i them), so there is among us rarely a reason for enmity. but, alas, black women (especially those most obscenely obese) positively despise my wife. now, my wife does bear much responsibility in this particular dynamic...she does give these bitches every reason to loath her. and if her striking natural beauty, long spirals of blonde hair, enormous and sparkling blue eyes, etc., weren't enough to conjure their collective spite, the fact that she can be just as sassy and intense as any ghetto queen is enough to spark a powder-keg of hostility.
it was not a pleasant affair. sassy has a way of exacerbating its mate wherever it makes such an encounter. long story short, these racist nurses and my wife had it out...security was called...janus was coded the drunk redneck who fell in an alcohol induced stupor...he spends the next four hours laying face down on a gurney...until, at long last, the residing physician preforms a cursory examination and, with a great deal of alarm, announces that i've experienced something serious, and that i had to go immediately into surgery.
it seems the world of hemorrhoids (as is the case with so much of life) is populated by many variants of the principal theme. mine was not only serious due to its unusual size, but also because mine was not an angry, turgid mass of blood bulging from my lower intestine; rather, mine was the extraordinarily dangerous species that come from some major vein compassed round the anus. put it like this, in the league of hemorrhoids, i was pitted against the arch-villain par excelance of their foul race. not really the most heroic way to shed this mortal coil of ours.
naturally, i declined the surgery with a dramatic flourish. after sitting ass-up in a gurney for four hours, one has plenty of time for contemplating speeches of spite and vengeance. in other words, i, with elegance and verve, told the attending physician that they could all rot in hell; and that i'd sooner be damned than to allow any of those oinking swine to lay another uncloven hoof on any part of my body, much less the anus.
i did, however, wait until he'd administered something to address the pain.
sure, i could've bled out into my colon on that hot & humid alabama night...but i'd of preferred to take with me some measure of dignity. looking back, i suppose i made the right choice.
as for the moral of this story: if your wife is hot and blonde, do NOT let her tag along on any visits to the montgomery VA hospital.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eO2Ed7cMQM
janus
Hemorrhoid prevention------ eat 3 heaping tablespoons of miller's unprocessed bran with cereal or other foods and drink an extra glass or two of fluids each day and you will shit like a tied coon, and effortlessly, which relieves the strain.
Headaches-----I had the same thing about 30 years ago and mine were in the back of my head, it woke me one night, off to the ER. After diagnostic tests, doc said it may be stress, everything else looked normal. Stress? STRESS!?!? WTF, I swore off worry that night and haven't had a headache since. I had long ago killed all brain cells that are sensitive to hangover headaches by drowning them. Fuck a bunch of stress.
General health---- don't believe the bullshit put out by the alphabet agencies on what is healthy. The most nutritious foods are eggs and brewer's yeast. Don't have to be creative to come up with dropping a couple raw eggs in a beer and enjoy drinking to your health.
Alabama--You obviously didn't eat what we natives eat or you would have never got the bloated vessels to start. Eat plenty of fried shit fried in peanut oil from Lower Alabama and plenty of greens, corn, squash, peas beans with plenty of pepper sauce and Tabasco to keep the bad microbes in check. Hell, even the fat smokers live into their 80s if they have the anti-diabetes genes, many must come prepacked with them. Our black brothers are more susceptible to diabetes, if you believe the govt. brainwashing.
Glad you are OK. Use extreme caution outside the South, don't leave home without heat. :-)
hope that was cathartic for you... good luck
welcome back buddy
i wish i was that eloquent when i have a 3 week migraine
Good luck to them. I hope they get what the majority seem to want: independence from the brown nosing poodles in London who are always busy with uncle sam's trousers.
Let's not forget though that Scotland was independent for 350yrs until they went bankrupt trying to make a colony out of Panama. There's a lesson there for the future generations, and I think the SNP may become one of the few saner voices in the EU if they succeed.
The Scots did their fair share of raping and pillaging on behalf of their English overlords.
True. There's a lot of romantised nonsense about Highlander barbarism that the english made sure to foster to recruit cannon fodder for the empire.
That is great stuff, really. Add some potatoes, and a good single malt, and you're well on your way to heaven, or wherever the fuck you wanna go.
Depends on how much you drink.
People in the US used to eat a lot more organ meats than they do now. I remember from when I was a kid in stone age OKlahoma of seeing "sweet breads,"rabbit, chicken livers, and other organ meats for sale. Of course given a good single malt I'd eat squirrel head stew. .....another good reason for the current administration to stay out of trees.
I see Max Keiser in the "Putin has been spotted" picture.
Just thinking about how Scotland will be Identified..... well Great Britian is GB, USA for USA..... but Independent Scotland (IS)
suggestion for a new topic:
is anybody watching "foreign reserves" for that tiny little English island ?
Haggis - I thought that was Scottish for "Old Ladies".
HaggIS, I thought that's what the Islamic State would be called if Hitlery was heading the group.
HaggISIS means two Islamic states. you can\t expect those people to get along can you? pretty soon they start an inquisition and they start beheading each other. so you have another Islamic state, and another. (like the Protestant church)
You're saying it won't be 95 theses nailed to the church door? Something else?
Given how few of Scotland's or the UK's richest people are Scots
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-27363200
Perhaps leaving the Auld Empire is a wise move ahead of the coming world war...
In the former Czechoslovakia, Prague got all the prestige and Bratislava was the illegitimate, red headed stepchild.
After separation, Bratislava has gotten more of its fair share.
Same would happen with London/Edinburgh. Actually, interesting fact is that previous to the last twenty year aberration of Banksters in London, the Scottish were very well represented in the worldwide banking scene. Something genetic about their skill in rubbing nickles together...
if scotts and jews have so much in common why does mel gibson hate himself so much?
Not to mention Aberdeen as the heart of oil production
Oil and gas pipeline comes ashore just North of Newcastle, so Scotland will not even have a sniff at the oil and gas
If the oil originates offshore, would it not be the ownership of the waters where the oil originates and not any entry point to dry land that drives future revenue?
bill I did email you about buying your Peace image, but have not gotten a reply..
Sorry I just looked at my emails and i don't see it. I checked my junk folder as well. Can you pleae try again: banzai7institute@gmail.com
Maybe next month. This month I am totally focused on my Nigerian financial solution.
that haggis makes me horny.
u could do better
It looks like a bag of chum.
I thought everyone knew that haggis was invented to make english tourists vomit? (Then the vomit used as filling in the next batch to save costs) Anyone who has eaten the genuine dish knows how bad it smells and tastes. Seriously, I had the bloody things on two occasions and I'd rather eat the genitals of a marathon runner who died by falling into a cesspit. 6 weeks ago. Maybe there are "haggis-lite" versions in the US that are edible, but I wouldn't risk it.
Thats disgusting.
WB7, you really must remember to add the tatties and neeps (potatoes and turnips, for those uneducated folks!).
Add a good few tots of a good single malt, and the job is a good one.
I tried it everywhere I went when I was in Scotland. It was all good, but the best I had by far was drizzled with Drambuie.
Finally, someone making sense on this site . . .
Hell, I would give that a try if it is prepared properly. We use hog intestines in making our traditional Polish kielbasa recipe. When I say we, I mean that there are only two people in the family who know the original recipe and technique.(My brother and I.) I am guessing that there are a few tricks to know about properly preparing haggis.
I am afraid a lot of those old recipes and techniques are being lost because of laziness and predilections about some of the ingredients. No one wants to spend three days of preparation for a great meal. No, they just want some shit out of a frozen box, throw that in the nuke, box and all and call it dinner. I call that disgusting.
The French and Germans have the same kind of sausage. If nothing else, the European common heritage is defined by putting scraps of meat and otherwise inedibles into a sausage to give impression of virility. Was probably invented by some sick oversexed royal prick to impress the ladies.
I like haggis but its an acquired taste. Its no longer made from internal organs after the BSE scare. Its mostly mutton.
That's odd, I was under the impression that Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy came from eating the nerve/brain tissue of cattle or animals which had been fed cattle nerve/brain tissue.
served with Scotch on Hogmanay...quite OK
Mmmmmmm. Loverly. You can't beat haggis for comfort food.
sorry but my entrails are of the opinion that digesting entrails is rather perverse
Sausage is the perfect storable food. All you need is an animal and a chimney.
OK. So haggis is correctly served ... on the floor?