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The White House's Solution To Deranged Assailants

Tyler Durden's picture




 

That a "knife-wielding veteran sniper rushes White House to warn Obama 'atmosphere is collapsing'" should surprise most Americans, but, as The Washington Post reports, that he tried, and where he tried from, should surprise absolutely no one.


 

Via The Washington Post...

There are at least 32 similar incidents that have been reported since the mid-1970s, according to an assessment conducted by the Post. We included a few other interesting incidents in our total tally, but, regardless, that number is almost certainly too low. A report in 1994 indicated that the Secret Service had cataloged 23 people climbing the fence between 1989 and that year; news reports only covered a handful.

 

We took the incidents that were covered by the media and mapped them according to the point of entry -- and, in some cases, point of capture -- of the perpetrators.

 

 

The incidents cover a wide range of culprits and motivations, from homeless people to anti-war protestors to one remarkably drunk guy.

 

So - in response to all that...

35 breaches of The White House perimeter... "don't worry, we got this!"

So, as long as the next 'deranged assailant' is shorter than 3 feet tall and unable to climb, the President appears safe (especially if he 'resorts' to further vacations away from The 'endangered' White House.)

 

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Tue, 09/23/2014 - 14:52 | 5248637 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 14:53 | 5248652 stinkhammer
stinkhammer's picture

the sheriff is near!

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:01 | 5248705 Tim Knight from...
Tim Knight from Slope of Hope's picture

'scue me while I whip this out!

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:11 | 5248767 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

Oh, you were able to scale our fence, well try this one that is half the size.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:28 | 5248847 Isotope
Isotope's picture

They ought to just quit trying to keep up the pretty illusion and install razor wire. The look would be very appropriate for the government that we now have.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:49 | 5248957 Dixie Rect
Tue, 09/23/2014 - 17:23 | 5249344 Vampyroteuthis ...
Vampyroteuthis infernalis's picture

deranged assailant

For a second I though you were talking about the POTUS.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:11 | 5248771 Joe Davola
Joe Davola's picture

They put in a lower fence to prevent them from jumping the higher fence?

Pladizow:  Curse your fast fingers;)

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:11 | 5248773 Decolat
Decolat's picture

Help me! Somebody HelpMe!

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:02 | 5248706 y3maxx
y3maxx's picture

...Exact replica of the USSA/Mexican border.

sarc off

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:10 | 5248762 Cruel Aid
Cruel Aid's picture

yea the fence concept is a metaphor

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:56 | 5248983 Max Cynical
Max Cynical's picture

Maybe they need a moat around the WH...with alligators.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 22:58 | 5250372 MidwestJester
MidwestJester's picture

Gators are so 18th century. Why not splurge for the sharks with friggin laser beams?

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 14:59 | 5248684 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

The golf club was a nice touch.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:01 | 5248702 NOTW777
NOTW777's picture

so the mother who was driving around out front gets gunned down but this guy is allowed to hop over the fence and go right in ??????????

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:14 | 5248788 knukles
knukles's picture

Well, shit happens.
Now, off to the Camps with you for that impertinent historical factual observation.

She was shot in the back of the head, was she not?

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:45 | 5248934 Lostinfortwalton
Lostinfortwalton's picture

With centuries of firearm data no one can really tell if a mammalian skull takes a bullet in the front or rear, JFK being exhibit 1.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:32 | 5248864 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Maybe the Secret Service isn't trying so hard to protect the Prez - on purpose like (?).

Yeah, that poor Gal, it was an execution.  Don't cops have tazers or pepper spray anymore?

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 16:34 | 5249160 OldPhart
OldPhart's picture

Well yeah...

she was black, this guy is white...

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:02 | 5248703 NOTW777
NOTW777's picture

dupe

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 16:52 | 5249235 MeMongo
MeMongo's picture

Hedley Lamarr:
My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives.

Taggart:
God darnit Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37v-6Zs5T10

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 17:44 | 5249410 Ariadne
Tue, 09/23/2014 - 18:12 | 5249493 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

william, the men's 50s magazine covers were the best. I love that genre.

I had a good laugh at the building scaffold, I see that everyday here.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 14:53 | 5248641 stinkhammer
stinkhammer's picture

is that a border fence?

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 14:56 | 5248669 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Yeah, you wish.  There is no border fence.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:03 | 5248712 flyingcaveman
flyingcaveman's picture

There actually ladders disguised as bike racks that people can use to breach the fence.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 14:55 | 5248646 One And Only
One And Only's picture

There really shouldn't even need to be a fence. 

The new fence is actually 8 inches higher than the old fence which was put in place to deter wandering animals. 

This is just evidence of how far society has devolved. We used to have standards, morals, expectations but now we're just a multicultural, feminised, and mostly insane pack of animals that are spied on taxed and droned by our government.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 14:57 | 5248673 Bumbu Sauce
Bumbu Sauce's picture

Wait wait wait...Dey using a fence to keep people OUT?

Novel idea...shame this is the same cabal of psychopaths that claim it won't work ON THE BORDER.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 14:56 | 5248675 replaceme
replaceme's picture

The Feds put more effort into keeping Americans away from public monuments than this - if he were around more, I suspect Obama would feel slighted by the lack of initiative shown here.  I think I could still hurdle that inner fence, and my runnig days are well behind me.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 14:58 | 5248679 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Why don't they just electrify it?  The sacrifice of a few citizens and a bunch of tourists every year shouldn't bother the president too much.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 14:58 | 5248683 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Plenty of money for that fence apparently, and drone strike operations nite and day....everyone else, yer on yer own.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 14:58 | 5248687 olle
olle's picture

The best insurance for a president to being assessinated is to have an worse alternative as vice president... so feel safe, nobody wants Bieden

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:01 | 5248704 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

Please keep the most deranged assailant of them, Obama, out of the White House before he kills many more.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:02 | 5248711 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

ADDING TO THE STUPIDITY OF THIS MIDGET FENCE, I PRESENT YOU WITH THEIR FINAL SOLUTION TO THE PROBLEM:  LOCKING THE FRONT DOOR.  (I shit you not)

http://www.mediaite.com/tv/nbcs-jansing-on-secret-services-white-house-c...

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:17 | 5248793 knukles
knukles's picture

I lock my front door.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 17:42 | 5249401 Ariadne
Ariadne's picture

Officer Doberman has a response time of zero. Officer Chow lets them in, but they don't get out.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:30 | 5248816 highly debtful
highly debtful's picture

Ha! I laugh in the general direction of your stupid American fence! I'd be over it in, what, certainly less than half an hour.  

Come to think of it, if your president is so well protected, us Europeans might actually have a chance of defeating the USA in an armed conflict. 

You'd almost think someone in the White House wouldn't mind if something would happen to the POTUS.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:37 | 5248714 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  The "goon squad" should put up a fence with spikes at the ends of the rods. (medieval style) That way when things go TEOTWAWKI we'll have some place to stick all the banksters and politicians heads.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:05 | 5248728 Inthemix96
Inthemix96's picture

Whats the point attaking the Shite House?

The goffer, imbicilic cunt is never there??  The wank stain is either playing golf at some random club all over the world badly, or sucking off Reggie Love??

Makes no sense.  You may as well attack a wall??

I was going to suggest someone piss on the fucker, but once again, he would love it, so dont bother.

Dog damn brotherish cunt.

;-)

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:06 | 5248729 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

Knife wielding veteran sniper?....

Comes from the same "factory" that created this and this!

If you plan on visiting Washington D.C. to knock on a few doors where your Congressman and Senator(s) dwell that you pay for to ask them about where your money is going -expect those door signs to be permanently removed that use to say "Welcome" to "No Trespassing" -cause you ain't allowed in to meet with them in their "crib" anymore even if you're payin for it!

Remember that this is a war on terror we're fighting and protection is their #1 priority on Cap Hill!!!

Is it startin to sink in real good now?...

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 16:01 | 5249014 StupidEarthlings
StupidEarthlings's picture

"Knife wielding veteran sniper?"

 

I don't know why. but I keep reading that as Knife wielding vegetarian sniper..

lol

yes, I said lol.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:04 | 5248730 SgtShaftoe
SgtShaftoe's picture

The president doesn't matter.  He's just a puppet.  the SS probably knows this, so who cares. 

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:06 | 5248745 Otto Zitte
Otto Zitte's picture

Why don't they get amnesty? At least a roll of FR shares...

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:15 | 5248784 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

   lol, Any excuse to further remove the 'Dear Leader' from the serfs is welcome... The last time I checked the White House was located at the 19th hole of some distant golf course where Reggie was washing balls and serving cocktails.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:19 | 5248798 Agent P
Agent P's picture

You'll have to get past this short dull fence if you want to climb over my tall pointy fence again, you Hooligans!  Stay off my lawn!  

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:24 | 5248833 trader1
trader1's picture

why hasn't this been mentioned yet?

 

http://www.reuters.com/article/2014/09/22/us-usa-whitehouse-security-idU...

 

A decorated Iraq war veteran who scaled a fence on Friday night and got into the White House had over 800 rounds of ammunition in his car and was arrested in July with a sniper rifle and a map marking the executive mansion, a federal prosecutor said on Monday.

 

Omar Gonzalez, 42, was also stopped, but not arrested in August walking by the White House with a hatchet in his waistband, federal prosecutor David Mudd told a federal judge.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 17:16 | 5249316 IndianaJohn
IndianaJohn's picture

Omar needs the ammunition to shoot the sky off of himself when the big fall comes.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 17:28 | 5249357 trader1
trader1's picture

sorry buddy, but the question went over your head.

you're not reading between the lines.

but, thanks for the humour.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 18:42 | 5249567 Steaming_Wookie_Doo
Steaming_Wookie_Doo's picture

Well, if he was any real sniper, he sure as heck wouldn't go running to his target to warn him "the atmosphere is collapsing" before he uses the 800 rounds. I'd think a sniper would have 1 or 2 shots available to him. I'll be even more creative and suggest that waiting til the prez was in Marine 1 would've been an easier target.

The story doesn't make sense as it's being portrayed, unless it's meant to be a general discrediting of military servicemen in general. But then that makes you wonder about the loyalties of those uniformed men who are around the WH constantly. Is it a signal from the Pentagon (or other PTB) that there are lots of able bodied men ready to get at the Golfer in Chief if he strays from his script? But I can't even think of anything what's his face has strayed from. Lies and betrayal are full speed ahead.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:27 | 5248843 nink
nink's picture

Just don't get no crazy ideas of standing on the short fence to scale the large one or taking a section of the short fence and putting it sideways and using it as a ladder so hundreds could climb over or anything.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:32 | 5248867 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

"The front door was unlocked."

 

I'll bet that pisses off terrorists no end. The Prez ain't skeered.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:39 | 5248903 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

I think they should go retro and build a moat, complete with a drawbridge, chains, the works.

Either that, or ring the place with white house staffers eager to explain (spin) their latest mid-east strategy in 5000 words to anyone who comes near. It won’t stop loonies from trying, but, it might scare them off once they realize the people inside are crazier than they are.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:42 | 5248919 Comte d'herblay
Comte d'herblay's picture

So what?  I give anyone credit, nutso or not, who attempts to put his life on the line and attack the government symbols oppression, of which the Big House is one.

 

If about a million would do it would be hailed as the people taking back the government and willing to risk their lives to do it, an act that we will, unfortunately never live to see.

 

Good on ya, mate.  Too bad you didn't carry out your mission. 

 

You who are opposed to physical attacks do not seem to know that the roots of freedom can only be fed with the blood of people who sacrifice themselves for all. 

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:44 | 5248931 Quaderratic Probing
Quaderratic Probing's picture

A line of golf carts would really slow you down.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:49 | 5248955 swass
swass's picture

All this begs the question over why a President deserves so much security in the first place?  For quite a long time, Presidents weren't kings here.  Perhaps this started to change after Teddy.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:57 | 5249001 Kelley
Kelley's picture

How about instead of a short fence outside the fence, they construct a taller fence inside the fence?

 

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 15:58 | 5249006 XRAYD
XRAYD's picture

So, Drone overhead will zap anyone who jumps the short fence to get to the taller one?

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 16:35 | 5249167 Billy Shears
Billy Shears's picture

Tear down that wall, Mr. Obama!

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 16:41 | 5249191 Racer
Racer's picture

Why don't they just put up razor wire and be done with it to keep the fucker where he should be instead of off out playing golf!

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 16:52 | 5249231 Duc888
Duc888's picture

....put DHS in charge of it.  That'll fix it.

 

Ha!

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 16:56 | 5249258 brainlpb
brainlpb's picture

This is all a pointless effort people - does everybody remember a few years back when a couple people snuck into the whitehouse during a cocktail party? Gosh... just wait for a party and then dress up nice, enter and leave, but please don't do anything stupid because then Biden becomes our president and then he might get a Peace prize ...

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 16:59 | 5249267 Canadian Bacon
Canadian Bacon's picture

Don't worry about the president - there's better security at the golf course.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 17:03 | 5249272 quasimodo
quasimodo's picture

WTF, they actually appear to be bound together with cable ties? 

Durability at it's finest, and probably only cost 100 million to erect

 

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 17:40 | 5249393 Ariadne
Ariadne's picture

If you're going over the fence at the wh you're motivated, not crazy. If you fail your mission, you're not adequately prepared.

Find the others.

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 17:58 | 5249458 NoWayJose
NoWayJose's picture

Here is the scoop on the latest event - Prez getting ready to chopper out with family - all security on deck with high alert. Prez choppers out. Dude hops fence 4 minutes later. Where is security? It's doing what all cops do - going inside for coffee and doughnuts!! (Not Tim Horton's though)!

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 19:25 | 5249702 ExpendableOne
ExpendableOne's picture

So fence and guards around white house is good.  Fence and guards on the border bad?!?!?

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 20:39 | 5249937 Irving Phelps
Irving Phelps's picture

He''s from Chicago, he's used to being jumped! Why do we have to employ thousands of people to protect this asshole anyway?

Wed, 09/24/2014 - 09:30 | 5251197 Vin
Vin's picture

A shoulder-fired rocket launcher might do the trick.

Wed, 09/24/2014 - 09:52 | 5251296 Jim Shoesesta
Jim Shoesesta's picture

Who says he is deranged? 

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