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Financial TV Media's Worst Nightmare: Robot Cheerleaders

Tyler Durden's picture




 

When it comes to the robotization of the workforce - especially those who proclaim they earn less than they are worth - we have grown used to the fast-food-worker being upstaged by technology. However, Murata Manufacturing Co. has unleashed the ultimate threat to every financial TV media's anchor... the world’s first cheerleading robots. With ratings plunging, perhaps it's time for managers to consider the dancing pom-pom carrying machines as replacements to say "off the lows."

 

 

As Wall Street Journal reports,

The robots, which Murata showed off Thursday, balance on balls to move around and wave plastic pompons in the air. Gyro sensors inside the robots allow them to stay upright while moving.

 

...

 

“They are small girls, but they show what electronics can do,” he said.

 

The Murata cheerleaders, which are about 36 centimeters, or 14 inches, tall, are not the only new robots on the scene here. Softbank Corp., the Japanese telecommunications giant, plans to make a humanoid robot called Pepper available in stores next year.

 

While the robots are made of metal and plastic, with hair fashioned from a sponge-like material, the group does have some characteristics that resemble real-life cheerleading squads. There are two backup members, for example.

 

“If one gets sick, we can substitute her,” said Koichi Yoshikawa, a spokesman for Murata.

*  *  *

At a demonstration in Tokyo, a troupe of 10 of the robots moved around in unison to form circles, squares and heart formations, to the bouncy accompaniment of J-pop music.

*  *  *

Of course, in reality this could never work... since the robots would inevitably question their sanity as constant cheerleaders... unlike real world money-honeys.

 

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Fri, 09/26/2014 - 18:38 | 5261434 Freddie
Freddie's picture

TV has always been a joke.  Laugh tracks on comedies.  Applause signs for live audiences.  People who watch TV are idiots.

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 18:43 | 5261448 666
666's picture

They're controlled really well, just like USSA politicians.

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 19:55 | 5261611 The9thDoctor
Fri, 09/26/2014 - 20:09 | 5261646 0b1knob
0b1knob's picture

Wait until sexbot androids replace the whole prostitution industry.   Some of those Japanese sex dolls are very disturbing looking.

http://japanesesexdolls.net/

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 21:02 | 5261790 Dave Thomas
Dave Thomas's picture

Crap just cliked the link, oh god, thinking of Murata capcitors, thinking of Murata capcitors, thinking of Murata capcitors, thinking of Murata capcitors, dear god it's full of stars!

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 21:17 | 5261817 espirit
espirit's picture

Need moar porn.

 

I miss the days when Erin Burnett looked like she'd been on a romp-a-thon with the back stage crew.

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 21:22 | 5261825 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

Being a Japanese sort-of-fetish site, I was expecting something "more tentacled", or maybe a Godzilla - Human combination.

Mind you, with the ongoing "slight but entirely manageable" problem called Fukushima Daichii, we may yet see "real, LIVE" versions of this sort of thing cropping up.

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 23:17 | 5262020 Jambo Mambo Bill
Jambo Mambo Bill's picture

Perfect example of the Japanese psychic... sick...   

That's why those freaking Japs are going extinct, real sex for the Japanese culture became a "disgusting" habit...

Cheerleaders reversals are the least of things folks are interested in... what a losers...

Must be a monstrous creation of their irradiated brains, cooked by Fukushima rain

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 19:56 | 5261614 Herd Redirectio...
Herd Redirection Committee's picture

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you:  The World's first Post-Apocalyptic Culture!  JAPAN!!!

 

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 20:24 | 5261697 Bro of the Sorr...
Bro of the Sorrowful Figure's picture

i grew up getting heavy doses of parental-administered TV. i have worked very hard since I woke up in 2011 to reduce tv exposure to zero. it is extremely difficult. i have been able to give up everything except the NHL playoffs, watching the broncos on sunday, and my guiltiest pleasure, south park.

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 18:40 | 5261438 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Fatal design flaw.

NO BOOBS.

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 19:32 | 5261549 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

And big asses.

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 19:46 | 5261590 CheapBastard
CheapBastard's picture

mmm ... I still prefer those nubile Japanese broadcasters who strip while they speak the news ... at least I think they're speaking; I usually mute the TV, and just 'watch' the news.

I think they call it,  the "Naked News."

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 20:21 | 5261686 Smegley Wanxalot
Smegley Wanxalot's picture

I would absolutely fuck the circuits out of the one on the left, 3rd one back.  She was hot and I think she winked at me.  The others are fucking dogs, but the left one 3rd back ... oh yeah baby, balance on my fuckin' balls and bark like a mechanical japanese dog!

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 22:43 | 5261983 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

and thay can't suck cocks like Maria B did for years on "the Street"...

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 18:41 | 5261444 Equality 7-25-1
Equality 7-25-1's picture

Use a hose on that.

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 21:23 | 5261829 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

Risk of "Short Circuit" I suspect.

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 18:43 | 5261449 freedogger
freedogger's picture

They should partner with fleshlight

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 19:58 | 5261620 The9thDoctor
The9thDoctor's picture

S.O.E. makes a MOLLE compatible pouch for those!

http://www.originalsoegear.com/products/fleshlight-pouch

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 21:20 | 5261823 espirit
espirit's picture

I wanted to say 'that's so sick'...

But I'm not sure what to say.

(double up as a suppressor?)

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 18:44 | 5261455 JamesH
JamesH's picture

the japanese should have learnt by now to quit while they are ahead. they have screwed up their own economy and society already. creating robots will just make it all worse if that was possible

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 18:54 | 5261465 dirtyfiles
dirtyfiles's picture

what happen to that Fuckushima maskot?

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 19:12 | 5261504 JuliaS
JuliaS's picture

Is that why their eyes glow green?

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 21:28 | 5261835 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

Whilst green-eyed may be attractive to many, I'm not so sure about "phosphorescent glowing green eyed" - especially in the home of Fukushima!!

If planning to engage this one, you'd be needing an entirely "different" sort of "protection" - one that "matches "her" eyes perhaps??

http://www.buyingdirect.net/Tychem_CPF2_High_Performance_Chemical_Suit_p/tychem-tk-suit.htm

 

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 18:54 | 5261466 JetsettingWelfareMom
JetsettingWelfareMom's picture

These would cost too much to take the place of real cheeerleaders. Now the money honeys? No tittytainment.

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 18:54 | 5261468 Racer
Racer's picture

“They are small girls, but they show what electronics can do,” he said

 

???? Uh.... what????

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 18:54 | 5261469 Spungo
Spungo's picture

It's not a cheerleader unless they give bjs behind the bleachers.

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 19:34 | 5261556 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

I'm sure they're working on it.

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 19:10 | 5261497 vegas
vegas's picture

Who coulda known? All this time I thought it was Maria, Sue & Trish. Glad I found out what's what.

 

www.traderzoo.mobi

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 19:16 | 5261509 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

"They" seem to lack the polymeric enhancement much favoured by US Human Cheerleaders, in the "upstairs areas". Can't say the glowing green eyes do anything for me either!!

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 19:29 | 5261537 Spungo
Spungo's picture

It comes with an integrated flesh light for an extra 100 bucks

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 19:33 | 5261550 Falconsixone
Falconsixone's picture

How do i know it's  not just magnets in the table moving them? i don't.

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 19:38 | 5261569 Omen IV
Omen IV's picture

I have been getting used to plastic tits anyway

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 19:39 | 5261570 whoopsing
whoopsing's picture

Cheerleaders balancing on your balls and singing.....whats not to like ?

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 19:50 | 5261600 SillySalesmanQu...
SillySalesmanQuestion's picture

They are an improvement over Liesman...

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 20:09 | 5261650 Loup Kib
Loup Kib's picture

Thanks Tyler.  That one completes my day :-))

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 20:11 | 5261653 Loup Kib
Loup Kib's picture

Hilarious ...

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 20:30 | 5261720 Keltner Channel Surf
Keltner Channel Surf's picture

As someone whose profession requires enduring CNBC more than I'd care to admit, it is rather telling that on a day when the market was down 250+ points, they basically ignored it and went with AAPL 'bend-gate' 24 X 7 (other than to march out Pisani once an hour to snark that there was no reason for the silly sell-off), but the days we were up triple digits they chirped nonstop about "rebounds", with Kelly Evans' Good-Witch-of-the-North vocal lilt on the close several semi-tones higher in pitch.  Comical.

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 21:44 | 5261863 Freddie
Freddie's picture

LOL!  I hate TV with a passion and stopped wtaching years ago.  The manipulation you mentioned and the endless brainwashing is the main reason.  They just lie to everyone about everything.

I still remember a few days back in 1999 era.  Going out to lunch at average places where you might have a waitress. One step above say a sub shop for lunch.   This was before flat screens on the wall.  The little restaurants who have TVs and CNBC on because the "everyone is going to be rich" mentality.  People stared at the screen during lunch like they stare at handheld devices these days.

This was not in the NYC tri state area or California or a big city.

At the time and in retrospect it was surreal.

 

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 22:45 | 5261989 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

she is such a mindless cunt...

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 20:39 | 5261735 AchtungAffen
AchtungAffen's picture

Pretty soon there'll be robotic net-uyoku and this site will only be visited by androids...

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 21:56 | 5261898 ironmace
ironmace's picture

Rise of the Machines!!!!!

out of the pom poms come machine guns

Fri, 09/26/2014 - 22:45 | 5261941 limacon
limacon's picture

See http://andreswhy.blogspot.com/2012/04/god-and-ais.html
https://www.academia.edu/8408584/Ethics_of_AIs_Botprize_vs_Turing

The ethics of artificial intelligences .

These machine children enslaved into lewd acts should fall under existing child protection legislation .

Wait until robo-bums fill the streets . Then humans are sperfluous and stagnation complete . The New Order will have won .

See http://andreswhy.blogspot.com/2014/09/drowning-in-gold.html

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!