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Another Possible Ebola Case Investigated In Utah

Submitted by Tyler Durden on 10/02/2014 15:07 -0400

First Dallas, now Utah.

Moments ago Fox13 reported that Health officials confirmed they are investigating a possible case of Ebola at Primary Children’s Hospital. "Primary Children’s said it is unlikely the patient has Ebola however officials are taking this opportunity to use the emergency plan they have been working on to provide maximum protection to staff, patients, families and the greater community. Officials said they admitted a patient who has symptoms raising concerns about Ebola."

The hospital plans to explain how it is caring for the patient, what it is doing to protect the community and answer questions about the virus itself, at a 1 p.m. news conference.

A live stream from Fox13 can be found at the following link.

- advertisements -

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:09 | 5281303 X.inf.capt

ITS ON!

BITCHES!

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:14 | 5281329 Pool Shark

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7dp9OSqpdU

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:17 | 5281341 X.inf.capt

PANIC!!!???

NO!

its time to hunker down!

BITCHEZ!

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:20 | 5281353 Divided States ...

Tyler should map out the cities with the biggest African-American population within the US....then we can decide which city not to go visit for the next few months.

Btw, no more headlines coming out about Russia-Ukraine or Ferguson.....its all Ebola and Hong Kong dominating the headlines....so that means everything else is A-OK?

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:22 | 5281382 ZerOhead

As long as you don't breath for the next few months until this is over you'll be fine...

"In 2012, a team of Canadian researchers proved that Ebola Zaire, the same virus that is causing the West Africa outbreak, could be transmitted by the respiratory route from pigs to monkeys, both of whose lungs are very similar to those of humans. Richard Preston’s 1994 best seller “The Hot Zone” chronicled a 1989 outbreak of a different strain, Ebola Reston virus, among monkeys at a quarantine station near Washington. The virus was transmitted through breathing, and the outbreak ended only when all the monkeys were euthanized. We must consider that such transmissions could happen between humans, if the virus mutates."

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:22 | 5281387 pods

There's no Africans in Utah!

pods

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:27 | 5281404 12ToothAssassin

Im stocked up on hazmat suits to sell at a premium during the hysteria. Capitalism bitchez.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:37 | 5281490 Publicus

A life of abundance to every survivor.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:47 | 5281544 outamyeffinway

Or servitude.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:54 | 5281584 X.inf.capt

if they catch ya....

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 18:12 | 5282225 Not Too Important

Without the world's finest medical care, surviving Ebola usually involves organ damage.

Good luck hiding in the woods.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:43 | 5281506 ZerOhead

The most successful capitalists know that you get them the cheapest if you buy them after they have already been used.

Remember... It's ALL about the margin...

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:55 | 5281583 Glasnost

*more successful

The most successful know that you get them for free by shooting the people that already have them.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:58 | 5281595 X.inf.capt

you just trashed his whole pipe dream...

no hot redheads for him!!!

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 16:55 | 5281893 GeezerGeek

I wouldn't trust a suit I took from someone I shot, especially if he was wearing the suit when I shot him.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 17:06 | 5281943 Glasnost

He's quote "stocked up", so he's probably not wearin all of em.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:29 | 5281431 BandGap

And only a few monkeys!

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:30 | 5281447 Cathartes Aura

no Africans perhaps, but Utah's church-folk have a long standing close relationship with .gov, via See-Aye-A recruits, foreign diplomat postings, Freemasonry-based-Zion-gawdly-beliefs. . .

got mitt-uns?

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 17:00 | 5281906 ajax

Posted this before and post it again:

Ok Dallas/Fort Worth listeners, this one goes out to you from all your friends in Monrovia:

Ebola in Town

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-Eov6gIiqM

I assume it must be crystal clear to absolutely everyone by now that Thomas Eric Duncan knew he was going to become ill and after having seen the Monrovian Hospital situation plus the young woman he helped carry to said hospital and had to help carry back because she was refused admittance due to over-crowding and then Mr. Duncan sees her die and her brothers die as well ... oh there is no question why Mr. Duncan boarded a flight to "visit his sister" in Texas, USA.

Let's get real. He didn't tell the admittance staff at the Texas hospital that he had personally, physically had contact with a full blown Ebola victim who died.

Fuck Mr. Thomas Eric Duncan.

What the fuck is the CDC doing about the infected sheets, clothes, blankets etc left at his sister's apartment after he was taken away by ambulance?

Furthermore, if you think it's not possible to bribe your way out of Monrovia onto an airplane headed for the USA then you're quite insane.

Why aren't they going to France? Or remaining in Belgium? Liberians would have a hell of a time trying to speak French and convince anyone at French customs of any valid reason to remain in France...

No. It's USA USA USA. Cousins of cousins, sisters, brothers, uncles, aunts, ex-marital children, extended of extended "families"... not to mention a customs system which would rather nail you for "unpaid taxes" on a bottle of booze and some cigarettes than for importing a deadly disease.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 19:27 | 5282474 ajax

Whoever the fuck downvoted my post: grow the fuck up and face the fucking music. This is not a joke.

Ebola in Town "mon".

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:37 | 5281498 RaceToTheBottom

Serious Mormons perform a trip in service of their religion.

Some like Romney go to Paris and places like that.

But most go to areas of the world that need help. I would not be surprised that Utah outbreaks be traced to that type of activity.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 17:25 | 5282029 90's Child

That activity is called a 'mission'.

Utah moved all their missionary's out of West Africa a few months ago.

Missionaries server for 2 years and don't return anytime between then.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 18:48 | 5282349 puckles

Yeah, that's why the Canadians took down the link yesterday.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 20:14 | 5282579 drazneebar

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 20:15 | 5282580 drazneebar

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 20:13 | 5282585 drazneebar

A question I had (posted on the Author's facebook page) afer reading the Hot Zone recently was the following:

The Ebola Reston virus infected at least four people and all of them got better with only minor ailments along the way. Does being infected with the Reston virus give any immunity to any other strains of the virus? ie. Were any tests done on the blood of the ebola reston patients to see how it reacted to the other strains like ebola zaire, ebola sudan, or Marburg?

I haven't received any answer yet. Just posted yesterday.

In the book the CDC official overseeing these people, let one of them just wander around doing their normal things all while knowing he was infected with this Reston virus. And before they had the time to know what effect it had on a human being. And it spread very easily through the Monkeys.

That to me says they are either reckless or were in full knowledge of what this particular virus was capable of in humans. Who knows...even truth staring people in the face has a hard time getting hold these days.

All the best. Draz

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 21:28 | 5282744 ZerOhead

The chances of it being a natural outbreak by what I see (while still possible) is going down by the day. So let's hope they were merely reckless.

The alternative is much more frightening

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:22 | 5281385 WayBehind

Perhaps a Mormon coming back from a mission?

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:24 | 5281398 X.inf.capt

probably!!!

P.S. nice ass!

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:29 | 5281424 Dr Strangemember

Wouldn't that be funny if it were actually a dude's ass? Ever been to Thailand??? "LADYBOY"

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:35 | 5281488 X.inf.capt

sorry, but i can see her hips...

at least i think they're hips....????

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 16:01 | 5281625 El Vaquero

All of a sudden your avitar makes perfect sense!

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 16:08 | 5281663 X.inf.capt

now it does...

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 18:12 | 5282231 Not Too Important

Look for the Adam's Apple. Unless you're looking at Bruce Jenner.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 18:53 | 5282372 puckles

Guys, this really isn't funny. Read recovered Ebola patient, UK nurse Will Pooley's description of attending to two dying children, ages 4 and 2, and then imagine they are your own: (scroll down)

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2778022/UN-Ebola-chief-raises-ni...

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 19:23 | 5282463 ajax

You're absolutely right 'puckles', there's nothing funny about it. There's everything disgusting about how a Liberian infected with Ebola was allowed to leave Monrovia airport and travel across two continents and an ocean to end up in a Texan hospital. It's an absolute disgrace.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:27 | 5281410 McMolotov

Can't be, they have the magic underwear and are thus immune to all diseases.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:30 | 5281441 pods

Once you get to Level 9 you are immune to Earthly pathogens............

Wait, that's the other cult.

pods

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:35 | 5281477 X.inf.capt

more split up coffee...

dammit mc...

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:48 | 5281546 Kirk2NCC1701

"Perhaps a Mormon coming back from a mission?"

Must have been a dyslexic type... Was told be BE a Missionary, not to ASSUME the Missionary. Either that, or he/she took the saying "Jesus saves" too literally. Cheap Bible humor... sorry. GFY if you can't take a joke.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 16:37 | 5281812 Divided States ...

probably a mormon coming back from a mission for another mission....which is to spread the goods (virus)

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:18 | 5281354 Bastiat

Not surprising that in the whole US you would have a couple patients presenting with Ebola-like sypmtoms. And that hospital is doing exactly what it should be doing (unlike Dallas). So far, this means nothing else.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:29 | 5281426 pods

I agree.

Heck, Elizabeth Shue was bleeding out her ass in Leaving Las Vegas too IIRC and that wasn't Ebola.

pods

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:39 | 5281505 Bastiat

Hell, as a precious metals investor I've been bleeding out my ass for years!

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:51 | 5281553 Skateboarder

Outta yer ass and into the lake. ;-)

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 16:16 | 5281710 TeamDepends

We are testing a new industrial-strength model designed exclusively for travelers to Africa and PM investors. You'll get used to the "puffiness".

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:32 | 5281459 Cathartes Aura

"that hospital" is doing what amrkns do,

it's having a DRILL.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:21 | 5281370 TruthInSunshine

"Officials are taking this opportunity to use the emergency plan they have been working on to summon a Liberian Ebola Specialist who is currently residing in an Ebola hot zone in western Africa in order to have him perform a differential diagnosis on the patient."

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:57 | 5281596 Kirk2NCC1701

Q: What are our Texan ZH friends doing to "Keep Ebola Out!"? LOP? HH? etc?

Here in the Pac NW, most of us keep to our own Clan/Kind anyway, and I do not know of anyone who has business in Africa -- much less in that part. Although... come to think of it, there is this one recent Central African immigrant at a car dealership, who "gets around"... a slutty single guy, with an appetite for blondes.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 16:58 | 5281877 sleigher

Is Ebola an bug-in or bug-out type of issue?

Cabin in the mountains far away from everyone could keep one safe.

Bugging in and staying there could work too.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 18:46 | 5282342 puckles

Apparently the University of Minnesota figured this out some time ago. http://www.cidrap.umn.edu/news-perspective/2014/09/commentary-health-wor...

They recommend respirators, not masks, due to likely aerosol infectivity. Duh.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 16:02 | 5281624 tempo

Only solution is to put billions into W. Africa health care, We need 100,000 Christians/students to spend a year caring for E. patients. Its your duty to love your neighbor. Stop going to church. The purpose of church is to leave church.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 19:15 | 5282439 Jumbotron

UNITED AIRLINES IS RELEASING THE INFO ON THEIR FLIGHTS THAT PATIENT X TOOK TO AMERICA

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2777375/Were-YOU-flight-America-...

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:10 | 5281310 gdiamond22

EEEBOOOLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:11 | 5281320 Dr Strangemember

First Dallas, Now Utah???? What about Hawaii? Is that guy now cured?

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:17 | 5281350 papaswamp

Test takes a bit of time and is run more than once.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:31 | 5281458 Doubleguns

Canadian health department strongly suspects that its airborne. Now that will change the equation. When do they stop flying folks from Africa. When all the pilots are dead?

http://www.americanthinker.com/2014/08/airborne_transmission_of_ebola.ht...

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 16:00 | 5281564 ZerOhead

I was watching the esteemed CDC Director Frieden on the news yesterday...

Says the spread would be worse if we stop airline flights and travel out of the affected areas. When an obviously very 'smart' person like that holds those views I know that either I am a complete idiot or all life the planet is doomed...

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 17:04 | 5281932 GeezerGeek

All flights from Africa to the US should be directed to a single airport that is provisioned specifically to test all passengers.

I suggest one of the DC airports. After all, it's hard to catch it, right?

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 16:08 | 5281653 Kirk2NCC1701

These CDC careerist fucks have clearly failed Thermodynamics -- if they ever had the course -- because AIR IS A FLUID.

As long as there are airborne things (dust, pollen, atomized water droplets, etc, etc), for the Virus to cling to, it gets a FREE RIDE, and will then cling to whatever surface it can -- you dumb-ass Muthafuckers.

There are days that I swear that Medical Schools should not allow anyone into their MD program, until their prospects have a full degree (BS or MS) in Physics & Chemistry. You won't believe how many MDs I know, who are smart and dumb at the same time. Many remind me of an Idiot Savant.

It feels like we're living an episode of THE STRAIN. Government scum!

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 17:00 | 5281919 FuzzyDunlop21

I think, though, that the reason why some viruses are not airborne is because they are destroyed by oxygen. Like HIV for example. I dont know if Ebola is one of them

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 17:06 | 5281948 GeezerGeek

How long can the virus survive 'in the wild', that is to say without a living host?

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:29 | 5281427 Drummond

Why do i get the idea that this Obama is doing everything he can to get this Ebola to the states. He is fully responsible for any deaths from Ebola. I would not be suprised if Ebola has been made airbourne in a government laboritory (Porton Down) and only the in-crowd get the already prepared immunisation. Fucking criminals.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:34 | 5281478 Cathartes Aura

Porton Down has admitted to test spraying the UK population for decades now, pre-US current figurehead sock-puppet.

think accordingly.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 16:15 | 5281701 Cathartes Aura

for the downvoters,

the documentary reveals how, during 1963 and 1964, scientists from the UK Government's Chemical and Biological Warfare research facility at Porton Down used a de Havilland DH-104 Devon aircraft to repeatedly spray the county of Norfolk (the city of Norwich being the main target) with a hazardous material – Zinc Cadmium sulphide (ZnCds). A recently declassified MOD document reveals that, inexplicably, Porton scientists didn't subject the ZnCds for toxicity testing prior to spraying the material in populated areas.

and lest amrkns feel left out, plenty of aerosols left for all!

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:13 | 5281327 ghengis86

Oh yeah, forgot about that from a few months ago. Ricola style

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:23 | 5281388 Perfecthedge

I've read your comment with this voice:

http://youtu.be/ONPStK2EjLk

("Rebeeeeeeeengaaaaaaaa" Scarface movie)

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:40 | 5281516 NoDebt

RIIIIIICOLAAAA!

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:10 | 5281312 JuliaS

According to the stock market, the 2nd ebola case cancelles the first one out.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:11 | 5281316 Philo Beddoe

Are there black people in Utah? I thought he moved.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:12 | 5281318 RattNRoll

Right turn Clyde.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:13 | 5281323 JailBank

Thanks dude I laughed out loud about that one, and can't tell my coworkers why.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:26 | 5281402 drendebe10

Diito & im from Utah. Hahahaha.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:39 | 5281511 Cathartes Aura

can you include "Polynesians" in your meme?

Nowadays, Polynesians have a huge population of LDS members; 1 in 4 people living in American Samoa are Mormon, 17% of Tongans belong to the Church, Hawaii has roughly 70,000 members, and Samoa itself has nearly 13% of it's population professing the LDS faith. All in all, Polynesians have quite enthusiastically embraced the LDS church. Thousands have even moved to Utah after becoming Mormon.

because the Mormons import those by the gang-load. . .

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:12 | 5281319 ghengis86

We'll stop it here...or maybe here...or over there too...ok, fuck it, we'll stop it on this planet for sure!

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:16 | 5281338 Pool Shark

Just like subprime...

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:34 | 5281359 ZerOhead

Or polio...

Belgium – As reported to ECDC by Belgian authorities, on 2 September 2014, following a human error, 45 litres of concentrated live polio virus solution were released into the environment by the pharmaceutical company, GlaxoSmithKline (GSK), in Rixensart city, Belgium.

Ooops?

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:48 | 5281548 Cathartes Aura

echoes of Jane Burgermeister's work. . .

by the way, this might be of interest to some,

Emergency Update: US government behind Ebola outbreak? Evidence grows of false flag attack

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 16:10 | 5281658 ZerOhead

Mostly those that don't wish to be able to sleep at night.

Once you realize the planet is run by psychopaths anything becomes possible...

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 16:19 | 5281719 Cathartes Aura

*meh*

if most folks don't want to acknowledge deeper truths about their supposed "realities" then let it be a surprise. . .

best prep is the mind, eh kitteh!

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 17:44 | 5281921 ZerOhead

It's a giant mindfuck out there when you start scratching around...

"Disturbingly, the US government has an viral fever bioterrorism research laboratory in Kenema, a town at the epicentre of the Ebola outbreak in West Africa." The US Department of Defense (DoD) funded an Ebola trial on humans which started just weeks before the Ebola outbreak in Guinea and Sierra Leone, it has emerged.

http://birdflu666.wordpress.com/2014/07/07/emergency-update-us-governmen...

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 18:44 | 5282337 Cathartes Aura

aye, that's a link I shared here a few months back, to much downvotin' dissonance in thread - "conspiracy theory site!!!!!!!11!"

I don't believe everything I read, but I try to read "everything" of interest, particularly around the edges. and then adopt a wait & see outlook, watch for what intersects, and when.

on a long enough time line

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 17:14 | 5281986 GeezerGeek

Why can't Obama just draw a red line around Dallas, and Utah, and anywhere else ebola might be discovered. That's all it took to stop the Ukranian separatists, right? Or ISIS? Or the Tea Party?

Hey, everyone, send Obama lots of red markers!

Whew, I feel safer already!

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:12 | 5281324 Jacksons Ghost

Capt Trips. Who is going to do Gary Indiana?

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:28 | 5281423 Zhuge Liang

capt trips spread a hell of lot faster than ebola. if ebola was capt trips, most of africa would be dead already. ebola is bullshit.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:51 | 5281555 NYPoke

True. In reality though, we are getting towards the point where the government "isolates" you, when you sneeze. Just don't try to broadcast it on the radio. That won't end well.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:13 | 5281325 Dr. Engali

Contained.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:15 | 5281340 3bavboys

fingers in dykes - what happens when all the fingers are used up

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:33 | 5281462 BandGap

Use your dick. If you have one.

You said fingers in dykes.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 18:05 | 5282207 e_goldstein

Turn the barstools over.

4x seating that way.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:21 | 5281381 Help Is Not Coming

Contained. By Top Men.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 16:13 | 5281679 Kirk2NCC1701

"Contained."

To planet Earth.

Tips: 1. Listen for what they are NOT saying, and 2. Watch what they DO.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:14 | 5281328 toros

No reports of Ebola in Europe

https://airlineroutemaps.s3.amazonaws.com/maps/Air_France_africa_middle_east.gif

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:15 | 5281333 yogibear

Surprise, surprise, surprise. Yeah, sure it's all under the CDC control.

The only one controlling this situation is the virus and the person's immune system.

Problem is eventually Obama and CDC's BSing won't work anymore.

Welcome to reality.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:14 | 5281334 Cthonic

Why don't they run a friggin' rt-pcr test first and spare us the media-driven drama... it's not like they will release enough data for anyone to act upon. It's almost like intentional panic mongering. Nothing more dangerous than diminishing trust in public health at the cusp of a potential breakout of a lethal epidemic.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:17 | 5281352 seek

Because they want the media-driven drama.

You need a crisis before you can not let it go to waste.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:22 | 5281380 Zhuge Liang

and have they ever got a new toy with the ebola scare. and think about how easy it would be be to fake a handful of cases here in the U.S... no, tptb would never do anything like that, right?

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:27 | 5281408 TruthInSunshine

That gag fake rubber vomit is being purchased by merry pranksters with reckless abandon, to be spewn about on subways, planes, elevators & taxis.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:31 | 5281445 Zhuge Liang

sick thought, but as the fear spreads, people will behave in strange ways.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:22 | 5281379 Cthonic

Thermal cycling time, 50 minutes

http://www.fda.gov/downloads/MedicalDevices/Safety/EmergencySituations/U...

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:16 | 5281337 Frank N. Beans

People will downvote this, but let us know when the cases are "probable" or "confirmed" and I will have another look at these stories. Most "possible" cases may just be flu or some other kind of inconsequential plague.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:16 | 5281347 JailBank

Let me know when my neighbor has it, then I will get concerned.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:23 | 5281392 Zhuge Liang

when the bodies are getting piled up in mass graves, then you know its not a psy-op... until then, looks pretty dubious from here.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:16 | 5281343 JailBank

So are they going to try to contain it to the lower 49? Alaska you lucked out.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:19 | 5281362 ghengis86

I believe you mean lower 55 (57 minus Alaska and Hawaii)

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:18 | 5281351 John McCloy

Markets love it.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:18 | 5281355 papaswamp

Someone needs to pop off a nuke for distraction...

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 17:21 | 5282011 GeezerGeek

Do nukes kill ebola? Or just make it glow in the dark?

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:18 | 5281357 Bell's 2 hearted

The Golfer

sept 16th -

First and foremost, I want the American people to know that our experts, here at the CDC and across our government, agree that the chances of an Ebola outbreak here in the United States are extremely low.

http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2014/09/16/remarks-president-...

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 17:34 | 5282060 GeezerGeek

Breaking News:

Having recently learned from a news broadcast that ebola has, in fact, surfaced in the United States, the Golfer has named Julia Pierson, formerly the Director of the Secret Service, to head up the anti-ebola campaign. "I would have done this sooner if my staff had informed me about this", he complained.

"She was available, and did a perfect job keeping me alive." he said when asked "Why Julia?"

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:19 | 5281360 BullyBearish

Mormon missionaries

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:52 | 5281556 Cathartes Aura

particularly those serving their "missions" in .gov positions. . .

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:21 | 5281376 teslaberry

HOLY FUCKING SHIT EBOLA IS GOING TO KILL EVERYONE

EVERYONE GODAMNIT EVERYONE! EBOLA!!!!!EVERYONE GODAMNIT EVERYONE! EBOLA!!!!!EVERYONE GODAMNIT EVERYONE! EBOLA!!!!!EVERYONE GODAMNIT EVERYONE! EBOLA!!!!!EVERYONE GODAMNIT EVERYONE! EBOLA!!!!!EVERYONE GODAMNIT EVERYONE! EBOLA!!!!!EVERYONE GODAMNIT EVERYONE! EBOLA!!!!!EVERYONE GODAMNIT EVERYONE! EBOLA!!!!!EVERYONE GODAMNIT EVERYONE! EBOLA!!!!!EVERYONE GODAMNIT EVERYONE! EBOLA!!!!!EVERYONE GODAMNIT EVERYONE! EBOLA!!!!!EVERYONE GODAMNIT EVERYONE! EBOLA!!!!!EVERYONE GODAMNIT EVERYONE! EBOLA!!!!!EVERYONE GODAMNIT EVERYONE! EBOLA!!!!!EVERYONE GODAMNIT EVERYONE! EBOLA!!!!!EVERYONE GODAMNIT EVERYONE! EBOLA!!!!!

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:22 | 5281384 RattNRoll

Candidate for Thorazine ^

Fri, 10/03/2014 - 04:53 | 5283565 Titus

Candidate for Ebola.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:23 | 5281390 X.inf.capt

what the hell is the matter with you???

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:23 | 5281391 craus

dingleberry Quiet the F down you nutcase.

There are ISIS coherts going around licking car door handles, fast food toilet flushers trying to give you their sickness.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 19:37 | 5282495 kumquatsunite

No more eating out! Home Cookin!

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:26 | 5281407 Perfecthedge

Epic post!

I will never forget this moment.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:28 | 5281418 CoolBeans

OK, seriously?

At least be creative enough to put together more than one thought and try to contribute to the discussion.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:41 | 5281530 RaceToTheBottom

Was there some message in the number of lines?

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:56 | 5281588 Creeps

I guess you can't see the fnords.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:53 | 5281568 Cathartes Aura

lolumadbro?

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:55 | 5281585 pupdog1

Try some Corn Flakes with your breakfast gin.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 16:02 | 5281630 Hobbleknee

So, invade Syria?

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 16:16 | 5281699 Kirk2NCC1701

No, just Carpe Diem, and Carpet-Bomb Syria's infrastructure and Assad's military assets. /sarc

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 16:50 | 5281868 hoist the bs flag

i got fucking dizzy reading that there for a solid minute, nearly went blind... it's probably Ebola

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 17:10 | 5281972 ajax

... and "teslaberry" thinks he's oh so clever.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 17:45 | 5282128 teslaberry

no i don't , i just ebolad the comment section. ebolad is a verb. it means to cause ebola to something or someone.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 21:24 | 5282762 MsCreant

Someone spilled Ebola all over my blog. Goddammit!

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:22 | 5281383 Jason T

this thing could wreck havoc on the economy like nothing has ever..

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:24 | 5281394 NMFP

This time tomorrow we'll all be dead.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:26 | 5281401 CoolBeans

I have a bit of a swallowing issue due to a neuro problem. So, when I eat - I sometimes cough (so consquently don't go out to eat anymore).

Sometimes the cough will last a few hours. I am afraid that on those days - folks at the grocery store just might start looking at me like "Ebola (vs. "Typhoid") Mary.

If we have an outbreak of any significance - people walking around with regular colds are going to be treated like they're from the "Hot Zone" - and I can't blame people were being concerned, cautious, etc.

Even then, day-to-day life around other people will get interesting.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:25 | 5281403 kchrisc

For those keeping score, and know what Obama really is, notice that most of the supposed infections are in "red" states.

Not "blue" urbans like NYC, or LA, or Chicago, or Atlanta, but in the neo-con supporting, evangelical Christian "heartland."

An American, not US subject.

"Don't believe the hype, it's a sequel!"

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:32 | 5281428 One And Only

Most of the people who get Ebola are black and I'm pretty sure 100% of blacks are Obama supporters. Mostly ignorant with poor hygiene.

Ebola could turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to this country,

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 16:08 | 5281654 DelusionalGrandeur

....from the one and only douchebag.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:49 | 5281552 yogibear

So don't go out and vote in Nov. Only blue states like IL and California are Ebola proof.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:55 | 5281581 Cathartes Aura

dude, seriously??

"Obama" - working as intended. . .

*shakes head*

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:30 | 5281440 Seize Mars

Utah!? Is it Robbie Parker?

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:58 | 5281597 kchrisc

I cried like Robbie Parker at my mother-in-law's funeral.

An American, not US subject.

Robbie Parker
verb: faux emotional stress;

1. Feign crying and act as if to appear to be in emotional pain.

noun: fake;

1. Be seen and identified as feigning emotional pain and crying.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:31 | 5281442 NMFP

Top 5 zombie apocalypse/end of the world survival movies?

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:33 | 5281466 Lostinfortwalton

It should be noted that the White House is under positive filtered atmosphiric pressure related to the outside air to prevent any nasty airborne whatever from entering the place. The downside is that staying there while he rest of us die really cuts down on the golf outings and fund raisers.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:33 | 5281470 Farmer Joe in B...

Living in NYC....

I'm going to set a limit on confirmed cases in the NYC area (5? 10?). At this limit, I'm getting in the car and driving to my parents' house (fairly isolated) in Montana.

This city is a fucking disgusting petri dish w/o ebola.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 19:31 | 5282488 kumquatsunite

B@sterds have turned into one giant "plum island." The numbers say that more than 50% of "New Yorkers" are foreign immigrants now. Someone I know was there recently and said she couldn't stand the Smell of them.

As to the Liberians, exactly what is it that Any Foreigner brings with them that somehow makes us "better people?"

Show me any foreigner who has stepped up the way America has to the problems of the world. They are all corrupt, and thieving. It is odd that Zimbabwe...which is purportedly "following" 100 ebola potentials, isn't actually reporting ebola patients.

Call me Cynical, but President Mugabe might just shoot them rather than try to cure them...we'll see. He just signed a multi-million dollar platinum deal with Russia a few days ago and it's rather odd that these purported ebola carriers were nowhere to be seen...just saying...

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:34 | 5281471 Cthonic

So they already got back a negative? Why is this even news? Oh, because they want to project a calm, controlled demeanor to counteract the stress fest that was the Texas press conference. Totally concocted. TV for cows.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:43 | 5281529 Cthonic

They won't even give out the alternative diagnosis. This is psyop.

Thu, 10/02/2014 - 15:37 | 5281491 square wave