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Doug Kass: The Day The Market Died

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Here is Doug Kass' latest: "The Day the Market Died" (to be sung to the tune of Don McLean's " American Pie" and with special recognition to Sean Brady and Tom Kearney who originally presented this concept after the Nasdaq blew up in 2000).

Have some fun and sing along!

A long, long month ago

I can still remember

How the market used to make me smile

What I'd do when I had the chance

Is get myself a cash advance

And add another social media stock to the pile

 

But Whirlybird Yellen began to make me shiver

With every speech that she delivered

Bad news on the global growth front

Still I'd take one more punt

 

I can't remember if I cried

When I heard about the lowly CPI

But you could lose your capital and your bride

The day the market died

 

So bye bye to my piece of the pie

I poured my paycheck into the Russell

Now my cash account's dry

It's just one month from a new all-time high

And now we're right back where we were in July

We're right back where we were in July

 

Did you buy stocks you never heard of?

LinkedIn at $230 or above?

'Cause the shoe shine boy told you so

Now do you believe in Home Depot?

Can Berkshire save your portfolio?

And can you teach me what's a P/E ratio?

 

Well, I know that you were leveraged too

So you can't just take a long-term view

Your broker shut you down

No more margin could be found.

 

I never worried on the whole way up

Buying Tesla from the back of a pickup truck

But on Friday I ran out of luck

The day the market died

 

I started singin'

Bye bye to my piece of the pie

I poured my paycheck into the Russell

Now my cash account's dry

It's just three weeks from a new all-time high

And now we're right back where we were in July

Yeah, we're right back where we were in July

 

Now for 20 days, we've been on our own

And my E-Trade broker probably won't pick up the phone

But that's not how it used to be

When investors snapped up another bubble

With cash they borrowed easily

And a quote that flashed up permanently green

 

Oh, and just as things were turning 'round

Putin slapped the Ukraine down

The courtroom was adjourned

A Bear Market verdict was returned

 

And while the EU read a book on Marx

Buffet smirked and Chanos barked

While the bears sang dirges at "The Ali Blah Blah Top"

The day the market died

 

I started singin'

Bye bye to my piece of the pie

I poured my paycheck into the Russell

Now my cash account's dry

It's just three weeks from a new all-time high

And now we're right back where we were in July

Yeah we're right back where we were in July

 

Manic panic, it's just like the Titanic

Unsinkable and now problems well beyond the Atlantic

The Dow was at 16,500 but falling fast

On "Squawk Box," Tom Lee landed foul on the grass

While Joe and Becky were still trying for a forward pass

With Larry Kudlow on the sidelines in a cast

 

Now "Fast Money's Halftime Report" air was filled with sweet perfume

But Mr. Market wasn't playing the Najarians' marching tune

The bulls all got up to dance

Oh, but they never got the chance!

 

'Cause the bearish players took the field

As the long bond fell another 50 basis points in yield

Was mean regression ever really repealed

The day the market died?

 

I started singin'

Bye bye to my piece of the pie

I poured my paycheck into the Russell

Now my cash account's dry

It's just three weeks from a new all-time high

And now we're right back where we were in July

Yeah we're right back where we were in July

 

Oh, and suddenly we're underwater

Billionaires all hot and bothered

With no cash left to buy again

So come on, Fed be anxious, com-pen-sate

By lowering to negative the fed funds rate

'Cause easy money is a bubble's only friend

 

And as I watched the indices fall

I received the dreaded margin call

No broker born in hell

Could make me want to sell

But as my gains fell fast into the crash

E-Trade began demanding cash

The talking heads were talking trash

The day the market died

 

They were singing

Bye bye to my piece of the pie

I poured my paycheck into the Russell

Now my cash account's dry

It's just three weeks from a new all-time high

And now we're right back where we were in July

Yeah we're right back where we were in July

 

I met a strategist, the market's most optimistic equity muse

I asked him for their earnings news

But he just smiled and turned away

I logged on to the trading floor

Where I made my fortune weeks before

But they demanded to see cash before I played

 

And on T.V. the ticker streamed

Stifel's Bannister cried and the short sellers dreamed

Not a bullish word was spoken

The daytraders were choking

 

And the three stocks I acquired last

GoPro, Netflix and Comcast

Couldn't catch a bid and faded fast

The day the market died

 

And they were singing ...

Bye bye to my piece of the pie

I poured my paycheck into the Russell

Now my cash account's dry

It's just two weeks from a new all-time high

And now we're right back where we were in July

Yeah we're right back where we were in July

 

Source: Doug Kass of Seabreeze Partners Management

 

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Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:39 | 5325342 stant
stant's picture

Whew she's going down blew past 16451. And the sp below 1900. Oh and I forgot. Bitchez !

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:40 | 5325354 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

"Watch what happens when I pull my finger out of the dyke for just a moment,"

said Mr. Yellen at today's TBTF War Games.

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:41 | 5325371 Zhuge Liang
Zhuge Liang's picture

so, was it lagarde or hillary?

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 16:29 | 5325727 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Dennis Fartman went long last night.

What's he saying now? I want to reverse front Fartman him.

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:43 | 5325399 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

When Yellen speaks again, if she mentions "a breach of protocol", you'll know the end is nigh.

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:39 | 5325359 Zhuge Liang
Zhuge Liang's picture

did PPT get columbus day off?

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 17:06 | 5325916 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Pirates never take a day off, they're either pillaging, or they've died.

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 17:06 | 5325917 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Pirates never take a day off, they're either pillaging, or they've died.

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 18:19 | 5326252 HardlyZero
HardlyZero's picture

But the newly funded Airline Seat Protection Team is forming up now.

First rip out and burn all the warm moist foam seats from airlines and airports.  (a really big job).

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:37 | 5325343 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Took my Chevy, but was repo by Mr. Levy. 

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:43 | 5325347 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

But, but, but stocks only go up in the land of the free (markets). Besides, the markets are blessed by the Gods of the Fed. And gold and silver are only allowed to go down

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:39 | 5325350 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

That'll be $29.95, please.

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:48 | 5325365 thunderchief
thunderchief's picture

Thats great!

Can you do Heaven and Hell, Black Sabath, on the very bottom?

Love to hear it when we bang through 666 on the S&P this time.

Can't wait!

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 16:25 | 5325701 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

Kick ass song!

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:44 | 5325367 Dapper Dan
Dapper Dan's picture

Dow dow dow Down......................

 

some baaad news is forth coming.  

 

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:40 | 5325369 Honey Badger
Honey Badger's picture

Somebody call a vet, cuz this puppy is sick!

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:42 | 5325372 himaroid
himaroid's picture

Alright, except wrong about "the ticker streamed".

Funny how cnbc has done away with the top screen ticker now that "the market's died".

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 20:08 | 5326736 lunaticfringe
lunaticfringe's picture

I noticed that too. Much easier to hide it all in that crappy little box while everyone on the network screams, "Buy stawks, they are attractive at these levels!"

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:42 | 5325388 fuu
fuu's picture

So Doug has some free time today. Good to know.

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:43 | 5325390 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  That pie should have Obola and Holder poking their little "roach heads" out of it... I wonder if Susan Rice baked that pie?

  The Dow is sharting itself as we speak.

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:43 | 5325397 balanced
balanced's picture

I keep hearing Bloodhound gang... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChmUC0OysoU

"We don't need no water, let the mother f***er burn."

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 17:47 | 5326123 blindman
blindman's picture

http://www.silverdoctors.com/jim-willie-the-economic-endgame-has-arrived/
Jim Willie: The Economic ENDGAME Has Arrived
Posted on October 13, 2014 by The Doc

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:45 | 5325407 irongator
irongator's picture

great poetry! Needed to laugh after I checked my retirement website!

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:47 | 5325419 MATA HAIRY
MATA HAIRY's picture

Janet be yellin' when she sees what I gots

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:52 | 5325431 falak pema
falak pema's picture

the day the market died is the day that the market dictated to the world that the SOLE purpose of a corporate structure was to serve SHAREHOLDER VALUE.

The search for shareholder value became the be all and end all of all WS stock plays.

Gone were the days of a corporation serving the client, serving its salaried workers, its supply chain, its people's government though taxation, symbol of shared civilization.  As a cog in the moving economy that respects the big picture of adding value to the SYSTEM, not just to the bank accounts of greedy shareholders only interested in speculative IN/OUT plays.

The day REAGANOMICS made speculative capitalism the mainstay of WS and City, commercial capitalism serving the economy, died.

Now the whole shooting match belongs to the Oligarchs and the economy is just their HAREM and we its harem eunuchs as keepers of its prize jewels :  the Apples and Googles that run the world! 

Welcome to the Haremised stock market and the banks pumping it and dumping it to serve their Sultans,  like the Janisseries of the Sublime GAte ! 

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 16:49 | 5325833 Clowns on Acid
Clowns on Acid's picture

You are wrong. It has nothing to do with the emphasis on shareholder value nor Reaganism, it has everything to do with low, real interest rates, Fed Gov't deficit spending, Great Society "policies", fictional racism, and of course QE printing.

 

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 17:42 | 5326088 falak pema
falak pema's picture

So, all this just happened all on its own ?

Nope, it was planned and packaged. You are in denial of the global Oligarchy thread. 

And fictional racism is gonna bite you up your real ass one day. Its not a fleeting fancy its more deep rooted than that. It serves a social divide. 

QE printing was invented to SAVE the Oligarchy.  Reagan was top Oligarchy front man and believed in their take over of the whole shooting match, just like Maggy. He stage managed it. 

After Piketty's demonstration of causality of Rentier capitalism's systemic inefficient action and subsequent collapse we now have this follow up : 

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/3-things-nobel-prize-winner-tirole-teac...

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 22:08 | 5327169 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Having interest rates so low is like turning down the volume knob on a radio.  It does nothing to fix the Signal/Noise ratio, it just attenuates the signal needed by everyone to figure out the true price of Munny.

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:51 | 5325445 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  Paging 'Wi Tu Low' over at #Fortress Ponzi Mgmt.

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 15:53 | 5325446 tahoebumsmith
tahoebumsmith's picture

The pollution of free money is causing diseases everywhere. Even the HFTS can't play pong against themselves anylonger. It reminds me of the pics of Bernie Madoff in his apartment window days before he got hauled off to prison...All ponzi's eventually run out of ways to cover your scheme. I don't see how anybody can credibly call Wall St. a market when the fact is that it has become just one big Casino filled with compulsive gamblers using other peoples money to get a fix...

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 16:17 | 5325619 Duc888
Duc888's picture

tahoebumsmith: The pollution of free money is causing diseases everywhere.

 

But you do understand it is zero's and ones on a computer screen backed by absolutely nothing, right?

Or if you actaully want to drill down it is backed by the future labor of wage slaves.

I prefer to call them heart beats.  It adds realism to that trade.

 

One side of that trade is finite (heart beats) the other side.....not so much,, the sound of clickity, click, click...

 

 

 


Mon, 10/13/2014 - 16:54 | 5325861 Stormtrooper
Stormtrooper's picture

Yeah, but those future heartbeats are going to repudiate all of that debt and stick a lot of banker/politician heads on their pitchforks.

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 16:27 | 5325710 gmak
gmak's picture

Fabulous parody. Good job!

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 16:26 | 5325711 dontgoforit
dontgoforit's picture

Excellent!

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 16:48 | 5325830 mathdock
mathdock's picture

It's hard to write an 8-minute song without a drum solo....

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 17:29 | 5326036 blindman
blindman's picture

all this and not one link to the thing.
.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqukWXviyew

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 19:03 | 5326461 blindman
blindman's picture

funny and smiles for that.
.
but.

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 17:38 | 5326071 Keltner Channel Surf
Keltner Channel Surf's picture

Or perhaps a similar parody in honor of today's NASDAQ breaking again:

I can't remember if I cried
When Facebook’s IPO began to slide
But something touched me deep inside
The day the NASDAQ died

We said bye-bye to open outcry
Sent my orders to the NASDAQ, but the NASDAQ was dry
Them good ole boys stopped trading APPL and sighed
Saying:  “This'll be the day that I die,
this'll be the day that I die”

So, let’s go back to open outcry
NASDAQ’s too complex – we must simplify
Can’t get a freaking quote on BBBY !
This should be be the day that it dies,
This should be the day that it dies

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 17:43 | 5326108 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

Well done with the lyrics change!

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 19:00 | 5326451 Joe_in_Indiana
Joe_in_Indiana's picture

Excellent! I was hoping for a mention of Santelli, but that's OK.

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 19:03 | 5326462 robertocarlos
robertocarlos's picture

They should have used lard and not that Crisco crap.

Mon, 10/13/2014 - 21:57 | 5327139 netpounder
netpounder's picture

When financial terrorist Bernanke announced through the main stream media that he could not refinance his mortgage, it was the signal to wake up the Sleeper Sells. 

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