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Won't You Be My Neighbor?

Tim Knight from Slope of Hope's picture




 

From Slope of Hope: After reading the "0.1% Problems" post on ZeroHedge (which was about a snippet from a local paper about a fellow complaining that billionaires can get whatever they want, whereas 'average millionaires' in Palo Alto cannot), I thought I'd share a property listing with you good people in case you want to join me here in my fair city (my house, mercifully, I bought into back in 1991 when prices were merely above-average, and not insane).

May I present to you 258 Middlefield Road, Palo Alto, California, which is located within walking distance from my house and is a mere $1,800,000 (well, that's the asking price, but it'll probably go for more). The property features ample storage in the back........

1021-homeshed

A spacious kitchen to prepare everything from snacks-on-the-go to sumptuous Thanksgiving feasts........

1021-homecluttertwo

A family room where you may gather with loved ones to share stories from the day, catch up on a good book, or sing around the piano.........

1021-homeclutter

A bedroom where you may relax or - heck, it's Palo Alto! - start the next Google!

1021-homecolor

Or relax in the well-appointed bathroom featuring running water (and, once the hot water heater has been installed and tested, your choice or either hot or cold).......

1021-homebathroom

It should be noted that the foundation isn't absolutely perfect and may require some attention; (please note that a Home Depot is just across the freeway, in colorful East Palo Alto, for all your home improvement requirements....)

1021-homefoundation

Thanks to rock-bottom interest rates, if you've got a little over a third of a million dollars saved up for the down payment, and a $300,000 income, you should be good-to-go:

1021-homeafford

I mentioned the storage, right?

 1021-home2 1021-home1

Incidentally, I didn't do a Google Image search for "hovel" and come up with a fake post. The above pictures are, honest to God, from the real estate listing.

And, in a rare moment of Realtor honesty, I close with this:

1021-homehabitable

 

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Wed, 10/22/2014 - 17:03 | 5364957 patb
patb's picture

1.8 Million for 2500 Square foot of tear down works out to the land value being around $735/SF

 

That's pretty nuts.  It's not quite tokyo bubble of the late 1980's but it's still nose bleed territory

 

once you do the flood proofing and build a new place it's some $4 Million house

 

 

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 10:47 | 5363307 ersatz007
ersatz007's picture

That's not a piano silly - it's an organ...

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 09:27 | 5362922 Comte d'herblay
Comte d'herblay's picture

All it will take is a little Home Staging.  

 

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 09:19 | 5362890 studfinder
studfinder's picture

To be honest, if someone just cleaned all that shit out of it (big dumpster) and washed everything up, it might not be such a turd.  You could easily make that thing liveable...fuck..do you even need heat or AC in that area?  We know shingles are optional since it never rains.   A window air is cheap and work great.  Throw up some solar panels. 

Even in this area location is everything...if you have something on the river, you pay a big ass premium (alogn with sky high property taxes and insurance).

But of course someone will throw some cardboard mcmansion with granite countertops and resturant grade stoves and refrigeration...  along with old growth mahogany floors and gold plated shitters.

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 09:10 | 5362850 therearetoomany...
therearetoomanyidiots's picture

Property taxes and insurance are only for the property as is.  once it sells, is torn down and new property built taxes will probably increase 1000 percent and HO will adjust appropriately.    Since it's in a flood zone, they'll be forced to buy Federal Flood Insurance which 'surprisingly' has increased 200-300 percent over past 5 years, at least here in Naples FL it has, and forget about normal HO insurance which will probably be about 3-5k. 

 

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 12:20 | 5363812 cornedmutton
cornedmutton's picture

Greetings from Victoria Park on Airport Road!  Resident starting in 89.

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 06:31 | 5362566 Azannoth
Azannoth's picture

1500$ in PROPERTY TAX a MONTH!?!?!?!?

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 07:53 | 5362670 More_sellers_th...
More_sellers_than_buyers's picture

Thats cheap....in NJ it would be 3 times that

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 09:11 | 5362855 therearetoomany...
therearetoomanyidiots's picture

3?!?!?   I recall in the late 90s in Bergen County anyway, a 1300 sf house on a postage stamp property was about 10k.   

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 09:14 | 5362860 More_sellers_th...
More_sellers_than_buyers's picture

morris county ,  400k house 12k a year, also pay for my own water and garbage and have a septic

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 09:24 | 5362910 therearetoomany...
therearetoomanyidiots's picture

Nice area.  Jeezuz....

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 09:33 | 5362948 Panem et Circus
Panem et Circus's picture

This is why I have been developing RE in southern Delaware. $400k house, property tax $1,600 per year. 10-15 minutes from the Atlantic Ocean (beaches and resort towns). Yes I know I'm talking my book, but it's still the truth.

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 06:07 | 5362548 limacon
Wed, 10/22/2014 - 05:16 | 5362513 Leraconteur
Leraconteur's picture

Either a man or his widow. The man was a tinkerer and fiddled around with stereos, computers, piano, stuff in the garage - all sorts of projects. Probably did this well after retirement, but then began to have declining health and mobility and the ability to keep up housekeeping became not possible.

I would guess that he was in his early 70's by the looks of some of the equipment.

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 12:46 | 5363943 dvfco
dvfco's picture

You didn't read the listing.  It's Steve Job's house.  His wife is finally ready to sell.  She said the smell of his rotting corpse in the backyard was just getting to be too much.

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 03:22 | 5362438 limacon
limacon's picture

I bet they don't know their own password .

https://www.academia.edu/8897094/Passwords_to_Babel

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 02:03 | 5362385 cornedmutton
cornedmutton's picture

Used to work not 2.5 miles from this location back as recent as 2007.

My old boss was shocked (shocked! I tell you...) when I told him I had to quit because salary bumps weren't keeping up with cost of living increases.  And I was no slouch.

At the time, the wife and I lived in a 2 bedroom, 2 bath condo near downtown Santa Clara.  It was 900 sq feet.  We paid $2,200/month plus full utlities (take your power bill and multiply by 4 to get an idea of what it's like to live in CA).  This was in 2007.  Imagine now.

When our first came along, we knew it was time to go.

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 01:30 | 5362349 mojofabuloso
mojofabuloso's picture

I live in Menlo Park. There is a 20% premium when you cross the creek in to Palo Alto.

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 01:27 | 5362348 mojofabuloso
mojofabuloso's picture

I drive past this shit hole every day or two. My kids say that the person who lived in that house died there, alone, the body was discovered after the smell became a problem.

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 00:44 | 5362295 limacon
limacon's picture

"Surely you must be joking , Mr  Feynman!"

"Reality is stranger than we can imagine"

"What is reality ?"

"Reality never sleeps , but nods off occasionally"

"Assisted Reality"

"What happened to Reality ?"

"He moved . Address unknown"

"We have a Summons for Reality"

"Letter of Execution against Reality"

"Does Reality have any assets ?"

 

A good question .

 

Tue, 10/21/2014 - 23:08 | 5362064 BeetleBailey
BeetleBailey's picture

MexiCaliFakeTaxafornia....

May it fall into the fucking ocean.....

Down arrow me you fuckers still out there....one good shake, and the blue ball will swallow you whole....only a matter of time....

 

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 09:13 | 5362863 therearetoomany...
therearetoomanyidiots's picture

Learn to swim or see you drown in Arizona bay....   - Maynard

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 07:06 | 5362589 gmak
gmak's picture

Unfortunately, I believe that the fault line(s) are not resulting in earthquakes due to the land moving away from the rest of the USA. It is due to the tectonic plate moving towards the USA and shoving under creating the mountains. 

It's hard to see how that would 'fall off' into the ocean - wrong direction of motion in this eon at least. Maybe we'll get lucky and it will start the cycle back the other way. 

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 09:10 | 5362851 sleigher
sleigher's picture

Actually, LA will be a suburb of SF one day.  LOL.  Then the world will explode.

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 05:41 | 5362531 StormShadow
StormShadow's picture

I still visit LA occasionally on business, and used to go out there about once a month. It is interesting to visit, see the sights, enjoy great bars and dining. However, one can hardly describe the feeling of the hollowness of it all. It's literally like a movie set, everything is so beautiful yet you can't ignore the hollow shell, of the people or the physical structures.

I do really enjoy the San Diego area, though it too shares many of the traits of LA. Sacramento and north of there is really relatively normal when compared to other urban areas of the country, and the people are much easier to tolerate.

It simply baffles the mind how ridiculously overpriced the real estate is out there. It is insane.

Tue, 10/21/2014 - 21:38 | 5361806 83_vf_1100_c
83_vf_1100_c's picture

"ample storage in the back.."

  Hardly. my ample storage is a 24'x30' shop (wish we had made it bigger), a pole barn and 5 acres. Who knew we had a $3 million home? /s because in East Tx it isn't anywhere close to that. And Cali's look down on us TX boys, think we're backwards.

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 10:00 | 5363039 psychobilly
psychobilly's picture

Fellow Texan here who is grateful that pops never took that job with Intel back in the 70s (despite the fact that the person who did ended up succeeding Andy Grove).  Didn't want to raise his family there.  Who could blame him?

My 4-room garage/workshop is bigger than that entire (unlivable) house and "ample storage space" put together.  Can't imagine what I'd have to pay to live on secluded acreage like this in that fucked up place.  I can see myself  living assholes to elbows in a rundown shack on a tiny plot in some "vibrant" neighborhood... or in a shoebox-sized condo.  Not.

Tue, 10/21/2014 - 22:29 | 5361971 Carnegie_IB
Carnegie_IB's picture

because it is all about location. 

regards, from Austin

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 00:43 | 5362285 Plato's Law
Plato's Law's picture

First visited TX this year.  Can't believe how nice are the people.  Saw the MotoGP race at Austin's COTA (Circuit of the Americas), opened 2012 and surely the most fantastic, beautiful, and incredible road race track in the USA if not all the Americas.

Seats in the main grand stand.  Seeing and hearing about 22 1000cc motorcycles only 75' away, some making about 225hp, take off from the Start/Finish line was beyond words.  Me and a stranger to my left stared at each other with mouths open as if we just witnessed aliens land in flying saucers.  Top speed about 220mph for the fastest bikes on the longest straight right in front of me.

Each of three categories is successively faster.  The 250cc corner like on rails.  600cc make the 250cc look slow. The open class MotoGP is simply frightening, not much slower apex speeds than the 250s but 220hp per 450 lb bike and rider...about 2 lbs per hp...better than a F1 car (I know 4-wheel vehicles have multiples greater coefficient of friction for better braking and cornering).    

Be there next 11 April.  

Love Texas except I'm more a snow bunny that heat lover.  H.E.B grocery store chain is absolutely mind-boggling.  Worth moving there just for that!   

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 09:21 | 5362897 SubjectivObject
SubjectivObject's picture

Herman E. Butts ... FTW!

If in one of the big 4 cities, look for the HEB Central Market; makes Who Folds look like ...... well ... California.

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 09:20 | 5362891 Billy Sol Estes
Billy Sol Estes's picture

I hear the governor is a hoot...

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 09:23 | 5362906 SubjectivObject
SubjectivObject's picture

That's Hooter on a Bore.

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 04:52 | 5362495 Casey Stengel
Casey Stengel's picture

Moved to TX to work on the Eagle Ford. We're in China now. Mrs. Stengel wants to go back so she can shop at HEB. Long live the republic! (of TX)

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 07:56 | 5362678 Mongoose
Mongoose's picture

Enjoy China. I wish I had got to see more of it. I was on rotation so not much tourist time.

 

Back to killin' snakes...

 

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 00:21 | 5362256 Dugald
Dugald's picture

 

How did slum clearance miss this gem???

Tue, 10/21/2014 - 22:15 | 5361940 Kprime
Kprime's picture

I too am east texas. I had my shop built 30X40 and I love it.
57 acres. I guess I have a 50 million estate.

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 00:34 | 5362281 cheech_wizard
cheech_wizard's picture

I used to live in California...bought a 2 bedroom 1 bath bungalow (910 sq ft including the garage on a postage stamp lot for $158K. Sold it days before the first housing bubble burst for $430K and said goodbye to Silicon Valley forever. Moved to Missouri. 20 wooded acres, 1800 sq ft custom home with a full basement. A 3/4 acre pond, and a 40x60 outbuilding which is nowmy woodworking shop. I try to calculate what something like that would cost in California. I believe the word "astronomical" is the word I'm searching for. 

Getting out of California... priceless.

Tue, 10/21/2014 - 21:20 | 5361748 Temerity Trader
Temerity Trader's picture

The final collapse will begin in Silicon Valley; that seems a certainty. When?  Not so certain. The largest property bubble in history is there and the people living there are 100% certain there is no bubble. There are plenty of tech layoffs, but most don’t make the headlines, yet. The valley has  reached its zenith and now will go down into decay like Detroit.  Likely not that far into the future.  As others have noted you cannot work flipping burgers and live in a $2mil POS house.  Fear will drive the collapse. Those that paid four times realistic values will panic.  Banks will demand bailouts as they cannot absorb all the losses. It will all revert to the mean…always does.

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 02:22 | 5362371 mojofabuloso
mojofabuloso's picture

Yes there is a bubble here. But the chinese are buying like crazy in Palo Alto, IPO money is feeding the market in the whole area like a foie gras goose. There's no room for more houses with yards. They are building million dollar crackerbox condos along busy streets.

The whole rotten system will implode with this bubble.

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 01:15 | 5362339 Global Observer
Global Observer's picture

The largest property bubble in history is there and the people living there are 100% certain there is no bubble.

 

Actually they know they are in a bubble. Where they differ with ZHers is about whether we are close to the bubble bursting. They believe they have a few years to get out.

Tue, 10/21/2014 - 20:34 | 5361620 Pancho_Villa
Pancho_Villa's picture

You are paying for location there.  Its less than 2 blocks from University Avenue which is ground zero for Facebook hipsters and Stanford students.  Seems a tad high though.  There is another house 6 blocks away on a larger lot for 1.9mil that you could live in without buldozing it first.  Thats pretty insane though.

Tue, 10/21/2014 - 22:22 | 5361956 Nadine of Tyrol
Nadine of Tyrol's picture

In Palo Alto / Menlo Park these days if it is not 5000 square feet minimum and brand new, it is a tear down...... darlings!

Tue, 10/21/2014 - 20:59 | 5361693 gold-is-not-dead
gold-is-not-dead's picture

it's not habitable, seems like one of those CCC--- cds toxic leftovers

Tue, 10/21/2014 - 21:06 | 5361709 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

It would be $2,000,000 if they budozed it first but building permits (remodel) are half price if you keep one wall standing. Planning is easier too. Be sure to encase the wall in concrete to entomb the asbestos.

Tue, 10/21/2014 - 20:46 | 5361588 idontcare
idontcare's picture

A former acquaintance purchased a 1800 sq ft stick home going down the side of a hill in a Silicon Valley hamlet 15 years ago for $900K and has chucked another $350K into it just to make a habitable by '70's standards.  The lot next door with another shithole on it went up for sale for a mere 1.25M.  He and the new Mrs. jumped at purchasing it - afterall, it was a bargain, had an old bomb shelter, and was 1.5 acres (though most of that acreage was on the down slope of the hill).  Now the 2 house combined are still under 4K sq ft, are stick construction, are located on the side of hills with both houses having parts of the home secured on "stilts" and 3 acres, though only about .75 acres is flat. 

Of course, I've seen worse in CA. 

A bud in Manhattan Beach has one of those 4 story narrow "row house" shitholes w/ <2000 sq ft under air within walking distance of the pier, desperately needing to be gutted and updated, no yard, and a 1 car garage, a recent appraisal said his joint was worth almost $4M.  A similar home from VA down to Central FL would be in the $300-$350K range and only that much because of its proximity to the ocean. 

I often ask myself when thinking about CA "where do the people who work retail and flip bugers live?"

 

Wed, 10/22/2014 - 01:17 | 5362343 fedupwhiteguy
fedupwhiteguy's picture

The retail help lives in lovely Hawthorne. /s

 

I miss Sharkez. I love that mesquite BBQ.

Tue, 10/21/2014 - 20:10 | 5361524 12jc
12jc's picture

Does it come with the camper top?

Tue, 10/21/2014 - 20:41 | 5361639 therover
therover's picture

I was wondering the same thing. If it does, it's a steal at that price. 

Tue, 10/21/2014 - 20:59 | 5361694 3.7.77
3.7.77's picture

Actually that's the guest house.

Tue, 10/21/2014 - 21:31 | 5361784 Wahooo
Wahooo's picture

More likely the servants quarters.

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