Overheard In Every Boardroom In America

Tyler Durden's picture

Could it really be this simple?

 

 

h/t MI

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stilletto's picture

sums up the stockmarket of the last 4yrs pretty nicely.

Bloppy's picture

Which CNBS will never question.

CNN makes huge new blunder- confuses Osama with Obama during SEAL coverage

http://tinyurl.com/kl25xax

deeply indebted's picture

Intended consequences?

ATM's picture

Absolutely. It'ds called the Wealth Effect for them but not for us.

Yen Cross's picture

 Shushhh. If we buy back all our stock no-one will notice.

 It will only cost us  15-25 basis points, and we can hedge those posistions in the derivatives markets.

 

    Haa Haa, Suckers

angel_of_joy's picture

Yeah, you can circle jerk it... for awhile, at least !

Stained Class's picture

Look, Philip Morris/Altria has been doing it for 30 years AND paying a whopper dividend each year. (They have a better 40 yr. total return record than Coke). Its fine if you're in a great business and there's always cash flow. BUT when business goes south and there's a LOSS to report? Well, fewer shares means HIGHER per share numbers for losses as well as profits. The double edged sword slices both ways, yet all we've seen is a one-way market.

These companies should be issuing STOCK to buy back their BONDS. When the equity is gone, the debt still remains, and grows because interest never sleeps. You can cut a stock dividend if times get tough, but try that on a bond payment? Its called default. Its a good thing The Fed has a law against defaults, and deflation.....

gwar5's picture

My roomate's step-mother is a hottie MILF with fake boobs who makes $175 an hour banging men on the internet. She has not had a legitimate job for 5 years and her paycheck last month was $182,500 for few hours of work. Get more info... www.DPsquirttrade.com

Choomwagon Roof Hits's picture

I sell hallway-sized hotdogs.  Let's join up and get an IPO going!

nathan1234's picture

Nothing is impossible

If Americans can vote Obola as President and if the Noble Prize committee can award Obola the  Nobel Peace Price.

And Holder who held you by the balls ( or tits, as the case may be) is going to a more powerfull post ( you think he would quit? )and has appointed the Lynch in his place to string you up ( while you hold your balls/tits)

BouncyTheWonderbunni's picture

The Tits !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fucking , fucking, awesomeness's of that image.

SilverRhino's picture

So here's what we need to do.  

  • We bundle up all the MILFs banging men for pay,  then we cut performance levels into tranches (Double-D, anal, Ethnic types) and then securitize them.    
  • Then we can sell it on wall street.   Whore-backed-securities 
  • Because we have the profiles, we can then issue derivative default insurance against the WBS products. 
  • Then start we short the WBS just before the expiry date [aka whores hitting the Wall] for each tranch.  

 

Steaming_Wookie_Doo's picture

The SEC would never say no to this! Especially if there's some midget or tranny tranches.

Kirk2NCC1701's picture

My cousin (Denny Crane of Crane, Poole & Schmidt) is into midgets and one-legged women with a wooden leg.

Since he's also a Wall St Republican, he's sure to go for the WBS scheme.  Why, his firm would be happy to structure the whole WBS thing.  Denny Crane!

motorollin's picture

So if a pimp smacks a bitch up and shorts these WBS, it's insider trading?

yogibear's picture

And fund mangers have bee fighting for IPO shares. Better than the DOTCOM days.

All the Fed's cheap money has been forced in every orifice of the stock market. 

Whoa Dammit's picture

Wilber Foshay did this with his company's stocks in the 1920's. Only difference was he wound up doing several years in Leavenworth for fraud when things went TU.

The trial court epitomized the accusation of the indictment in its instructions to the jury as follows: "The heart of the fraudulent scheme charged is that the defendants schemed to and did falsely represent that, owing to the good management of the Foshay companies, they were earning and paying large dividends upon the stock of such corporations and that the stock furnished a safe and conservative investment; whereas, in fact, the stock did not furnish a safe and conservative investment, and that the companies were not earning dividends as represented, and were not earning any dividends, but were paying said dividends out of capital of the corporations for the purpose of inducing potential investors to purchase such stock."

The Foshay Companies did not have net earnings for the payment of dividends in the ordinary acceptance of the words. They had vast amounts of money coming in through the sale of stocks and bonds and loans, and so they were enabled to, and did with that cash money, pay dividends and interest charges, , but they were not making any money in the way of net earnings. The gross earnings were always less than the expenditure incurred in producing them.

The trial case is linked below, and is a great read.

http://law.justia.com/cases/federal/appellate-courts/F2/68/205/1565319/

Moe Howard's picture

Wilber Foshay fucked up. He forgot to own the government.

DarthVaderMentor's picture

Very true and well stated truth in that comic strip. I have personally heard an almost identical conversation at a BoD meeting of a Fortune 1000 corporation in the last month.

robnume's picture

OMG, CASTBOUND, really? WTF?

Kirk2NCC1701's picture

Can't say I'm surprised, given that the side deal with Banksters resembles the kind of fun and creative games our family plays in the classic game of Monopoly.

I kid you not: we invest all sorts of creative banking schemes to keep the game going, even when all players have hotels on all properties.

If Banksters (or their kids) come up with similar creative ways in Monopoly, then it's no surprise that they do likewise in real life.

ekm1's picture

Do you understand now when I say that QE was designed to harm the Economy on purpose?

 

So, yes, it is that simple and it applies to world trade also hence world economy is declining because output is declining due to QE hence wars ensue

Village-idiot's picture

I don't think so.

I see QE as a futile attempt to offset the coming deflation. It isn't working, just as most individuals who really unerstand what's going on have predicted.

This is the real reason we haven't had the hyperinflation that so many predicted. It's also the reason why gold hasn't shot up like a rocket (yet).

TPTB are finally clueing in and are getting ready to try something else (and that's what really worries me).

It's every-man-for-himself time!

Bangalore Equity Trader's picture

Listen Zero's.

It's toon time Bitchez!

Carpenter1's picture

And what pray tell happens when they run out of retained earnings, and profits? That's already happening to some companies. We're going to see the death of half the S&P by the time this is over.
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donsluck's picture

Carpenter, I checked out the link. Money was invented, not "created" per the website. The insinuation that god (whatever that is) created money is insulting to theists and atheists alike.

Peter Pan's picture

I wonder if a company could actually buy all of its shareholders out at which point earnings per share could hit infinity. LOL.

Bemused Observer's picture

Be funny if they ran it up real high, then forgot in their enthusiasm that it is THEM doing all the buying.

AUD's picture

I can't believe Clive still hangs out with Alex

22winmag's picture

It's a circle jerk with no coffee can in the middle.

 

Someone is going to get creamed!

Moe Howard's picture

That comment painted a picture I would rather not have visualized.

August's picture

I see you never earned your "Arrow of Light".

RaceToTheBottom's picture

It's all a club and you're not in it!

world_debt_slave's picture

this pervades all levels, at my work, we do without what we need, the supervisors show higher ups the cost savings and the supervisors get a bonus at the end of the year.

My Days Are Getting Fewer's picture

If the company is such a cash cow, why not borrow and take the thing private.

Village-idiot's picture

Word is, that many executives have inside information pointing to government expropriation of bank accounts over a certain amount (bail-ins) and pension plans (a national pension plan in the works). They know it's coming and are spending as much cash as possible.

They buy shares of their own company because if there is no cash it cannot be stolen. Shares cannot be stolen if they've been bought, cancelled and therefore no longer exist.

Makes perfect sense.

DipshitMiddleClassWhiteKid's picture

This is every Fortune 500 company.