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Activist Hedge Fund Goes Postal On Jim Cramer

Tyler Durden's picture




 

After last night's marvelous Bloomberg profile of Bill Gross' last days at PIMCO, we were confident that no written material today could surpass Mary Child's fascinating narrative of the fallen bond king. And then we read Cannell Capital's activist letter to one James J. Cramer, of CNBC and TheStreet director infamy, which is hands down the blockbuster reading material du jour.

Why?

  • Because where else can you find out how the Mad Money anchor with the record low Nielsen rating would have "assorted assistants spray ionized lavander water on his barren cranium";
  • Where else could someone ask Cramer "when you lie upon your deathbed, how will you reflect upon on your legacy? Once a $70 stock, TST is now $2.20. The market capitalization of TST has declined from a peak of approximately $1.7 billion in 1999 to $75 million today. This represents the dissipation of about $1.6 billion of sharheolder value."
  • Where else can a disgruntled shareholder tell Jim Cramer to "resign from CNBC and align your considerable energy and talents to helping your fellow shareholders crawl back from Hades."
  • Where else does one do the actual math: "You have already extracted more than $14 million dollars from TST. In the very best years for the shareholders of Apple, Steve Jobs was paid only $1.00 per year. Warren Buffett's salary has been $100,000 for more than 25 years. Why in the very worst years for TST shareholders must you pay yourself more than $3.5 million per year.... The four year employment agreement you signed in November 2013 guarantees you total compensation of at least $3.5 million per annum - nearly 5% of the market capitalization of TST and more than the cumulative dividends expected to be paid out this year to common shareholders."

And then there is Cramer's whole record low Nielsen rating "thing", first reported here. So how does it feel to be on the other side this one time, Jim?

The author of the letter's modest proposal: "collapse your inflated employment contract and conflicts and push to propel the business forward." However, since there is nothing in the letter about collapsing Cramer's "ego", nothing will change.

So sell, sell, sell, TST stock, because while Jim Cramer collects his monthly paycheck from the sinking ship, shareholders will be left with nothing.

Of course, the end will only come if and when Cramer himself opines on TST stock: "TheStreet is fine" should about do it.

full letter below (pdf):

 

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Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:28 | 5514021 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Don't blame poor Cramer, he's just the tip of the f*****g WS penis.

<Or did I mean the WS f*****g penis?>

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:27 | 5514032 DaddyO
DaddyO's picture

A real, honest to goodness, skinhead...

DaddyO

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:35 | 5514068 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

Does the title "Mad Money" allude to his investors?

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:43 | 5514099 Ahoy Polloi
Ahoy Polloi's picture

(z)ionized lavender water bitchez!

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:45 | 5514118 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

Rain falls on the just and unjust alike.  No justice will be had on earth.

 

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:50 | 5514137 MillionDollarBogus_
MillionDollarBogus_'s picture

Jim Cramer is right 49.27% of the time.
Jim Cramer's picks average a 0.15% ROI after 30 days.

Leonard the Wonder Monkey is right 49.55% of the time.
Leonard's picks average a 0.30% ROI after 30 days.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:03 | 5514208 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

That could be one of the greatest business letters I've ever read.  This isn't posting something nasty on a Facebook page- this is a real, live business letter announcing they are going to take a more activist role as an investor in TST, that just so happens to use every personal insult possible, short of bringing up Jim's questionable parentage.  Not sure how they missed that one in the littany, but I guess they feel like it's too soon after Jim's father's death to go there.

I'm guessing they don't want Jim to go for Option 1 or Option 2.  They want to come chop Jim's bald head off themselves in front of the board, God and everybody.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:23 | 5514289 SoilMyselfRotten
SoilMyselfRotten's picture

If the monkey is wrong at least you get to spank him

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:34 | 5514314 Stackers
Stackers's picture

The $1 salary and Buffet's $100k a year salary are biggest hypocritical scams run by uber wealthy elitest scum. They take $1 in "income" and pay no income tax, no social security or medicare tax and then receive 9 figure pay out from "distributions" "dividends" and "capital gains" and pay only the lowest tax bracket on those taxes because they had no "income". Grrrrrrrrr!!!

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 18:54 | 5514573 johngaltfla
johngaltfla's picture

Thank you Tyler. That letter just made my f'ing day.

Thu, 12/04/2014 - 10:32 | 5516366 northern vigor
northern vigor's picture

Booyah Carlo...booyah!

Thu, 12/04/2014 - 04:05 | 5515872 stacking12321
stacking12321's picture

why do you complain about them paying no tax?

depriving the most violent and destructive gang on the planet (usa federal govt) of funds is a good thing.

no one should pay tax.

 

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 18:14 | 5514433 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

Too soon?

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:59 | 5514194 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Or anywhere else for that matter, 'some being will deal you when you die' is just stories made up to make the shit covered dirt peasants feel better.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:14 | 5514257 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

cramer? 

Giving up a paycheck?

Think about this for a moment.......cramer, thinking of his legacy and doing 'the just thing'?

He's getting paid at the expense and demise of others. It's what his tribe wants.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:25 | 5514294 gafgroocK
gafgroocK's picture

 

 

 

...Sell..Sell...Sell..

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:54 | 5514381 ILLILLILLI
ILLILLILLI's picture

 

 

"I hardly exaggerate. Jewish life consists of two elements: Extracting money and protesting." ~ Nahum Goldmann, Ex President of the WJC World Jewish Congress in his book "The Jewish Paradox." athenäum, Frankfurt 1988, p. 77

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:28 | 5514034 maskone909
maskone909's picture

We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:36 | 5514075 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

I don't think there is inherently anything wrong with pussies, dicks and assholes. They have their pleasurable uses. As with guns, the wielder is the sole reason for problems.

Miffed

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:07 | 5514165 Ahoy Polloi
Ahoy Polloi's picture

Long Soup Line HOF nominee (notwithstanding somewhat exaggerated verbosity)

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 18:59 | 5514592 ILLILLILLI
ILLILLILLI's picture

>> I don't think there is inherently anything wrong with pussies, dicks and assholes. They have their pleasurable uses. As with guns, the wielder is the sole reason for problems.

 

Apparently a cultural reference is need here:

I don't think there is inherently anything wrong with pussies, dicks and assholes. They have their pleasurable uses. As with guns, the wielder is the sole reason for problems.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:44 | 5514111 froze25
froze25's picture

Merica fuk yeah!

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:30 | 5514047 alphamentalist
alphamentalist's picture

i loathe the guy. but he is also one of the best counter signals in existence. 

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:58 | 5514190 swmnguy
swmnguy's picture

Well, there is Gartman.

Oh, I see you said "one of."  Never mind.  Carry on.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:44 | 5514350 bluskyes
bluskyes's picture

I am personally the best counter signal in existence. Just follow my portfolio, and short what I go long on.

You are guaranteed to make a killing!

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:31 | 5514051 HedgeAccordingly
HedgeAccordingly's picture

Cramer is a asshole. He flared up on my ass when I called him out for recommending TZOO @ 103$ a share. It never traded that price again. And today. Single digits. He is a self loathing smoker of pole.

Http://www.hedgeaccordingly.com

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 20:09 | 5514844 SmackDaddy
SmackDaddy's picture

yeah but we already knew that.  what this guy [the letter writer] doesnt seem to understand is that the letter was a declaration that "I'M A DUMBASS AND A FOLLOWER".

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:38 | 5514078 stinkhammer
stinkhammer's picture

Cramer the douche bag extraordinaire

 

 

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:37 | 5514079 stinkhammer
stinkhammer's picture

shine your head for a shiny nickel douche bag

 

 

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:39 | 5514095 Bloppy
Bloppy's picture

Cramer belongs behind bars but that will never happen while he's part of NBCObama

 

Backlash against Charles Barkley begins:

http://tinyurl.com/k675ch3


Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:46 | 5514355 SmallerGovNow2
SmallerGovNow2's picture

Sir Charles can take it.  He'll give back double what they dish out...

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 18:19 | 5514454 besnook
besnook's picture

charles has always had a way of telling the truth that only allows you to argue against him either by saying something stupid or calling him names or both.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:47 | 5514135 prudent1nvestor
prudent1nvestor's picture

I would be really curious to run a "Short Jim Cramer" strategy. It seems like it would do extremely well. Has anyone seen/tried this? Just back test all his picks w put options

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:57 | 5514166 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

i would imagine it's not easy because there are plenty of momo retards who bid his momo stocks even higher... probably need to stagger or wait a few days after the ass clown recommends something

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:42 | 5514346 besnook
besnook's picture

i made a lot of money on cramer spikes as i called them. i'd short them after they spiked on his reccomendation. the good old days.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 18:20 | 5514456 liquid150
liquid150's picture

I've done it (for real). I picked a few of his "sell" recommendations from a while back. The primary mover was Alcoa. I made more than 100% in less than a year.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 18:24 | 5514468 Baldrick
Baldrick's picture

a few years back some college kids did a research paper on Cramers calls. zh published the results. check the search.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:04 | 5514215 Burt Gummer
Burt Gummer's picture

Fuck Jim Cramer right in his stupid fuckin' face.

"Once a $70 stock, TST is now $2.20. The market capitalization of TST has declined from a peak of approximately $1.7 billion in 1999 to $75 million today. This represents the dissipation of about $1.6 billion of sharheolder value."

“If you look at the value of the dollar today to where it was 100 years ago, the dollar has lost 98 percent of its purchasing power since the Federal Reserve was put in charge. And if you look at the dollar’s purchasing power 100 years prior to the Fed, the dollar gained — maybe doubled. The dollar was more valuable in 1913 than it was in 1813.” - Peter Schiff

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGYaFMFU63U

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:31 | 5514326 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

LOL

Didn't feel a thang.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:30 | 5514042 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

You want winners? You want me to put my Cramer Berkowitz hedge fund hat on and just discuss what my fund is buying today to try to make money tomorrow and the next day and the next? You want my top 10 stocks for who is going to make it in the New World? You know what? I am going to give them to you. Right here. Right now.

OK. Here goes. Write them down -- no handouts here!: 724 Solutions, Ariba, Digital Island, Exodus, InfoSpace.com, Inktomi, Mercury Interactive, Sonera, VeriSign and Veritas Software.

 We are buying some of every one of these this morning as I give this speech. We buy them every day, particularly if they are down

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:50 | 5514371 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

Fuck you and trust your fund, winner.  No one gets out of here untouched.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:30 | 5514050 Bill of Rights
Bill of Rights's picture
Sebelius: Americans Have Low ‘Financial Literacy’

 

http://www.cnsnews.com/mrctv-blog/curtis-kalin/sebelius-americans-have-l...

Douche bag says what?

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 21:28 | 5515091 MeBizarro
MeBizarro's picture

It is now partneralistic and elitist to state a basic fact?  Average Amercians average financial literacy is horrid.  Most Americans read at a 6th grade level and can't understand basic math concepts like percentages and decimals.  Those aren't elitist opinions based on misperceptions.  Based on survey after survey and a basic fact. 

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:33 | 5514057 screw face
screw face's picture

is Cramer french?

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 18:36 | 5514507 Dien Bien Poo
Dien Bien Poo's picture

most definitely not. Hes a grade A American Wall St asshole.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:34 | 5514064 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Hang the shiney heads for Treason !!!

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:34 | 5514065 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

     The market Cap. of {TST} was  $1.7billion in 1999 and now worth $75 million today.

      Ya got to love fractional reserve, debt based societies.

 

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:36 | 5514076 WTFUD
WTFUD's picture

Thankfully no self respecting investor would listen to Jim ' i've fucked you up the arse before ' Cramer.
Wait, is anybody in there, just nod if you can hear me, is anyone at home?

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:37 | 5514083 Bell's 2 hearted
Bell&#039;s 2 hearted's picture

i prefer the other NY Kramer

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:41 | 5514096 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Cramer's not scary. The 41,500 knuckleheads who pay 350 fiatscos for his newsletter are the real scary .

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:50 | 5514145 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

and the people who call him from their mobile homes every night

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 18:18 | 5514444 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Booyah drama queen's looking for nightly pillow talks on how to fuck over the investors.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:45 | 5514113 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Awe how cute, some of the 0.1 % ers are having a spat..

fuck em.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:46 | 5514122 suteibu
suteibu's picture

I'm shocked that a "22-year-old SEC-registered investment adviser" owns 8.95% of TST.  I would hate to see the rest of his portfolio.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:08 | 5514235 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

The COMPANY is 22 years old, not the individual penning the letter.  An RIA (registered investment advisor) is an entity.  Those who work for it as individual advisors are called IARs (Investment Advisor Representatives).

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:26 | 5514301 gafgroocK
gafgroocK's picture

 

 

 

sshhhh....

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 18:20 | 5514453 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

Is Cramer advertising franchises like Chuck?

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 18:29 | 5514485 suteibu
suteibu's picture

Of course, I know the letter writer is not 22 years old.  I was quoting the description of the company directly from the letter.  Still would not give my money to this company. 

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 18:22 | 5514459 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

That 22 year old had the best mouth skills to please his homosexual employer.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 21:30 | 5515097 MeBizarro
MeBizarro's picture

Cannell actually has a pretty impressive track record and unlike other hedge funds is focused on getting money back to his clients and not building up billions in assets and making a mint in annual fees.  

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:49 | 5514134 aliki
aliki's picture

the timing is absolutely classic as cramer has spent the last 1-2 weeks in particular absolutely RIPPING activists (since they don't fit his "model")

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:53 | 5514157 Mr Giggles
Mr Giggles's picture

Most tv zecks know half the auidiance is mad, guess which half are left?

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:05 | 5514175 H H Henry P P P...
H H Henry P P P Paulson's picture

I stopped reading when the author compared Cramer's salary to Buffett LOL.  Yes, what a good samaritan Buffett is, paying himself only $100k/yr salary.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:58 | 5514186 oldedit
oldedit's picture

Just to be contrary:

 

1. Anyone who bought any stock and let it drop more than 7% from the purchase price has only himself or herself to blame..

2. Cramer's on CNBC some two hours a day. I've seldom heard him mention The Street on the air, but his involvement with the company is widely known, and I'll guess that his involvement sells subscriptions.

3. So how much is 10 hours a week of free PR and indirect advertising worth? $3.5 million a year. Conservative estimate.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 16:59 | 5514188 anachronism
anachronism's picture

No wonder he has defended executive compensation contracts!

JCC is a victim of his own image. He has become a caricature of himself. And I expect that Canell was being polite and reserved in his letter to Cramer. He could have exposed much more.

He wasn't always this way. I haven't spoken to Jim in about 18 years. (He apologized. He was getting too busy and I wasn't getting any more interesting.) But I recall him as decent and sincere, and as a man of good will and good counsel.

I only managed to watch "Mad Money!" a few times, before I gave up in disgust. I listen to him -sort of- during his appearances on CNBC every morning. Huckster, Cheerleader, Praising or Panning a stock or a person whichever suits him at the moment. He is not a teacher anymore. Too bad. 

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:02 | 5514211 swmnguy
swmnguy's picture

It's sad to see somebody you've known completely sell out what made them a good person in return for money.  I don't know anybody who's sold out on nearly the level your comment implies Cramer has, but I've seen enough.  Sympathy and Empathy are pretty much out of the question once the process has taken hold, but it is sad to see somebody you've known turn away from doing good and do harm to people for personal gain.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:03 | 5514210 trader1
trader1's picture

i like the bit where the leter goes "'Now suffer my opinions and recommendations."

#BADa$$MoFo

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:07 | 5514223 A82EBA
A82EBA's picture

WTF  GDX falls 10% in last minute?

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:09 | 5514232 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Old story, nothing has changed. Drag him off to the back shed.

https://www.deepcapture.com/tag/jim-cramer/

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:08 | 5514234 swmnguy
swmnguy's picture

Cramer's attempt to grin and shuck and jive his way out of Jon Stewart's hit was one of the funniest things I've ever seen Jon Stewart do.  Well, except when he and Rob Corddry translated the name of Kim Jong Il's "Tae Po Dong" ballistic missile as "Kind Of Penis."  That was very funny too. 

I'm not a Jon Stewart fan (not a fan of shills of any flavor), but he destroyed Cramer almost as badly as he destroyed Tucker Carlson and James Carville.  Stewart pretty much singlehandedly got their show off the air.  Too bad he didn't get Cramer off the air.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:10 | 5514240 Spungo
Spungo's picture

Is anyone else searching youtube for videos of cramer? I could listen to this guy all day. I wonder what his blood pressure is like. 

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:15 | 5514256 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Meanwhile as some of the .01%ers have a bit of a cat fight, all indexes close up another +1%.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:21 | 5514275 Heavy
Heavy's picture

Ha ha, is funny clown fight...I hope someone gets kicked in the balls with a floppy shoe.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 19:01 | 5514604 mastersnark
mastersnark's picture

Wish I had more up votes for this

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 17:31 | 5514319 SweetDoug
SweetDoug's picture

'

'

'

C'mere… That'ta boy… Don't hold it in…

 

Let it out… That'ta a boy!… Don't be diplomatic, just let it out in one primal gush!

 

•?•
V-V

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 18:13 | 5514389 besnook
besnook's picture

cramer is the most honest person on wall street. he took the veneer off the image wall street created to seperate themselves from common hucksters on the street corner. he is the penultimate common huckster.  you never ever would have heard anything like his famous "they know nothing!" rant from anyuone anywhere in the ws media all the way down to the lowliest investment newsletter. he exposed wall street for what it really is and told us we should play accordingly.

he is a scumbag only because his intent is the intent of wall street.

his butt buddy, adam feuerstein, is the human buttplug. the operation he is a part of in the biotech space is as crooked as it gets on the street.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 18:10 | 5514426 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Jim Cramer’s Charitable Trust Fund Portfolio of Stocks.

http://www.jim-cramer-charitable-trust-stocks.com/

 

Heavy cocaine use will make a man pull his hair out. Spank monkey look ensues. Bet your TV producers are asking you wear heavy rimed eye glasses to make you look smarter. Kissinger type.

/LOL

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 18:13 | 5514429 Baldrick
Baldrick's picture

Dear Mr. Cannell, I am informing you of some of the useful expenditures provided by The Street. Jimmys ads appear quite often here on Zero Hedge and I click on them daily. How nice is that?  Sincerely, Baldrick

xxxooo

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 18:28 | 5514479 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Clear your computer cache and install a ad blocking program. Traces of where you've been populates advertisement. Food for thought.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 18:51 | 5514562 herriage
herriage's picture

What the FUCK is a perfumed driver??? Jesus H....and this fuckin guy goes on and on about being an everyday man. Hes a motherfuckin pole smoker is what he is. Now we know why he goes to those Eggles games....all the boys in tight pants. 

How this crazy douche is still on the air I got no clue. But fuck me....what do I know. Oh yeah....I know that I've never lost a billion dollars in market cap! Gomdammit I loved this letter. Now I wanna know alot more about this J carlo character....what a dumbass...but still, the letter is priceless.

Get a toupee and go into hiding JC....your time is almost up hillbilly.

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 19:17 | 5514658 Berspankme
Berspankme's picture

Does this mean I should sell my Bear Stearns?

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 19:37 | 5514737 IrrationalBear
IrrationalBear's picture

Let's look at the FACTS, instead of hypoerbole and BS. Market is 25% above historical mean/median Market is 68% above historical Schiller PE10   http://www.multpl.com/

Wed, 12/03/2014 - 23:08 | 5515383 the grateful un...
the grateful unemployed's picture

in the day i subbed TST, and it was worth it. they had some great writers,  including stuff Cramer himself penned. a series on some fictitious sketchy fund managers who bought shares in companies with small floats and juggled the stock higher. Cramers big edge was getting CEOs to interview, (but he was never tough with them, i learned more listening to company earnings announcements) while some of you are already red arrowing, consider the system no longer cares about anything fundamental or technical, the big brokers have closed their tech analysis down. its all market by the gov of the gov and for the rich. Cramer is just a caricature of himself, part of the CNBC package. even in the gogo 90s he was losing money but indexing was already the thing. he was just ahead of his time. where does a guy get rich using just his wits? those days are gone i guess. some say you can still make it with hard work, hard work means constant self promotion, that was the great quote Abelson of Barrons, said Cramer was self-puffery. but then who reads Barrons?

Thu, 12/04/2014 - 00:44 | 5515652 BeetleBailey
BeetleBailey's picture

Cramer....the Grand Cuntasaurus

Thu, 12/04/2014 - 06:14 | 5515944 Alex DeLarge
Alex DeLarge's picture

Boofuckingyah!

 

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