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Tuesday Humor: Zimbabwe's Mugabe Fires VP For Being A "Witch"
Zimbabwe's 90-year-old President Robert Mugabe fired the country's vice president, Joice Mujuru, today. His reasoning for her dismissal after 10 years in office... she is a witch who is plotting to assassinate him. She immediately responded, by radio address, saying she is not a witch (well she would, right?) adding she has "always been a God fearing person and would not and has not resorted to witchcraft to advance [her] political career." Mujuru is the first vice president to be fired since Zimbabwe gained independence in 1980. Her four predecessors all 'died' in office.
Zimbabwe's President Robert Mugabe fired the country's vice president, Joice Mujuru, on Tuesday.
Mugabe fired Mujuru and eight other Cabinet ministers with immediate effect, according to a statement released by the government.
"It had become evident that her conduct in the discharge of her duties had become inconsistent with the expected standard, exhibiting conflict between official responsibilities and private interests," said the statement issued by the cabinet secretary, on behalf of Mugabe.
Mugabe recently accused Mujuru of plotting to assassinate him and branded her a witch. Mujuru and her allies were kicked out of their senior positions in the ruling party, Zanu-PF, at a meeting last weekend. The 90-year-old president said he would, however, allow them to retain ordinary membership of the party.
Mugabe has also accused Mujuru of holding secret meetings at the U.S. Embassy in Harare.
Mujuru has denied the claims, calling them "ridiculous" in her first public statement, released a day before she was fired.
"I have become the fly in a web of lies whose final objective is the destruction of Zanu-PF," Mujuru said in a statement on Tuesday.
Mujuru, who has been a member of Mugabe's cabinet since he became president in 1980, said no evidence has ever been brought against her.
Mujuru is the first vice president to be fired since Zimbabwe gained independence in 1980. Her four predecessors all died in office.
The ministers of energy, education, public service and social welfare, presidential affairs, communication and postal services are among the other members of Cabinet who were fired.
Mujuru responds in a radio address:
A vociferous attempt has been made to portray me as “a traitor”, “murderer” and “sell out”, yet not a single iota of evidence has been produced to give credence to the allegations.
Alleged practice of “witchcraft”: Were it not that the allegations of the practice of “witchcraft” have been made in relation to a very serious matter, I would not have been concerned.
Suffice to say that I am and have always been a God fearing person and would not and have not resorted to witchcraft to advance my political career. Support comes from the people, it cannot be divined under cover of darkness.
* * *
What is ludicrous about all of this.. there is a much better way to test if she is indeed a witch...
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Xmal Deutschland Mondlicht ECB whores following the moonlight to a pot of misplaced fiat. Share that SDR carry trade so we can look like village idiots without poverty tents. Hahahahaaahaa
Follow the IMF and Joint hub to exasperate common core math skills.
http://www.imf.org/external/data.htm
BIS Quarterly Review, December 2014 | Let’s hold hands and sing a circle jerk Christmas Carol. Pray to lord our revenue meets quarterly expectations. / Hahahahahaa
More to come. Joint External Debt Hub is clunky at moment.
He would have killed her too but feared her dark spells
The NY Fed Desk isn't too far removed
Moochella, Hillary Clinton, Elizabeth "Pocahanta" Warren, Janet Reno, and Ol' Yellen are all witches. At least in a sense.
Joe Biden has been trying to cast spells on the shitty economy for 6 years now!
"Our economy is doing just wonderful! It's a big fuckin' deal!"
Laugh all you want but Hillary believes she is a witch and that's for real.
The Top Gophers are weirder than you can think.
Having been out all day and just getting home, one of the pages I read was a news redirect to Bloomberg. And I thought to myself that BBG has for all intents and purposes (Duh, with Hizonnor Mikie) become another official Mouthpiece of the NWO. Then I see that the newly appointed editor in chief is the Cheshire Cat, Mickelsthwaitaminute from the Economist, one of the Official Mouthpieces of the NWO.
Then I see that Nigeria says they're not Zimbabwe and Zimbabwe just fired a minster for being a Witch and wondered just how fucked up this world really and truly is.
I stand in awe
And the "Conservatives" have passed a NWO spending bill alongside the "Commies".
Just Amazing.
The folks at Tavistock have won, hands down
"How do you know she is a witch?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrzMhU_4m-g
["It's a fair cop."]
Well she turned me into a newt!
Now she may have denied being a witch....
But take note that she did not deny that she was planning to assassinate him.
You know, you might be on to something. Better burn you at the stake, just to make sure.
She should have just run with the witchcraft card. If he fears witchcraft, be a witch.
Maybe post videos of putting a stolen credit card of Mugabe's inside a pentagram, and waving incense over it while chanting.
We thought you was a toad. The Coen brothers brought the rural south to life with their portrayal of chained-together prisoners escaping an Alabama prison during the great depression.
That said, rural Alabama in 1930 was miles ahead of Robert Mugabe in 2014.
In her defense, the Vice-President said that she would never resort to witchcraft in order to advance her career.
Idiots.
You seem to have a decent handle on reality.
To be called sane on this planet is an insult.
Does she weigh the same as a duck? It's the only way to really tell if she is a witch.
Knukles,
At first blush, Mugabe firing his Vice-President for being a witch is hilarious. What a maroon!
Maybe these two have given a window into the hive mind of those who call themselves elite and were just too stupid to realize that they were supposed to keep that shit on the down-low.
Layer after layer, the elite continue to reveal what they truly are.
So, does that make R. Mugabe a warlock? They're all insane.
The only way that Tavistock has won, is if you decide so. Tomorrow, the Sun will rise. Tomorrow the world will be the same as it was yesterday.
I love you brother, do you find any comfort in that?
I am not a man of God, as God is currently understood. However, God has shown me a few things, and maybe those things are only important to me.
In any case, I will never cause harm to a single hair on your head, unless you or yours commit harm to me/mine.
Fuck Tavistock, and all who follow them!
Last picture I saw of her, she looked like a fat chipmunk. I would lay money (or a couple of pounds of Ram Shot Magnum powder, if any one has any) on her just being someones Familiar.
"Hillary believes she is a witch"
A joke that keeps on giving...
Seriously, Hitler had voice that told him what to do. It saved his life in
WW1 and apparently made it impossible to assasinate him.
How many other famous people are "infested" in this way? Think
about how many otherwise stupid people seem to make the "right"
choice and accumulate wealth and power?
If one day a "voice" said to you. Do what I tell you and I'll make you rich,
what would you do? Check into a hospital? Get a Xanax prescription?
What if the Faustian bargain is more common that you realize?
Well said. Our Fed statements are same as those predictions by shaman or woodoo or whatever.
Back in the days, these women were hardcore wife material gems, head turners. Not the 2014 sappy liberal feminist type groups. This group was from Hamburg Germany. I love fucking with the lesbian crowd.
Well he has survived till now with his believes. Stunning for such old man.
By the way, he probably learned the art of getting rid of smart women from the Holy Catholic Church which recently apologized for all those murdering by burning for over 400 years in the name of witchcraft.
I can also tell you that, even the elites in Arab regions, India, Indonesia, Thailand, etc etc all have large part of population believe in some form of woodoo or Jin magic.
The Chinese are one of the surprisingly matured and modern people who refuse to pray even during disaster. The Chinese calls other "primitive". seriously.
The Russians are closet atheist. They are openly ashamed that they do not beleive in God or devils.
Mugabe is just normal. Definitely not crazy. But maybe Power Crazy
I suspect a really fat fat-finger typo: He meant to use a B, instead of a W.
Mugabe has been prez long enough already; plus he's crazy
Frank... "Crazy" is being kind.
And damn well he should. Where are my pickled rooster feet? Better strengthen my Ju Ju.
Deys a witch in da house.
That's nothing, we have Psaki. Stare into those dead eyes for more than a few seconds and your gonads shrivel then wither away.
Is there anyone here who'd dare not call Hillary a witch?
I'm learning to appreciate 'primative' cultures more everyday. Burning at the stake, now that's extreme. But what about buried to the neck in a Honey Bucket? Smells like justice, doesn't it?
Burning at the stake is way too kind.
You are so screwed, it's powdered rooster feet that strengthen your JuJu. Pickeled ones shrivel it.
...and whatever you do, don't you ever look inside that mojo bag.
Whose? Jen's?
Jen's isn't so much a bag. It's more of a psack.
I just broke out laughing like Shemp! Sweet!
I think my dad wishes he could have fired my mom for being a witch. Instead he gave her a broom one Christmas. It didn't end well.
More details please.
Agreed. We need the full story here.
And just to let you know that odd stuff happens more often than you think, I had a neighbor many years back with a nutso wife. One Christmas she felt sorry for all the dogs at the pet store not having a home over the holiday. So she bought them. ALL OF THEM. And brought them home.
There were divorce papers on their kitchen table within two weeks.
We cast a spell on some folks...
A while back, I was in the local supermarket at about 2am
One of the teenage slaves was twirling a broom.
I said to him 'hey, you, be careful with my mother-in-law's car'
Took him a second or two before he started to laugh.
If I had a son, he would be like Mugabe.
Theoretically, there should be a quantifiable weight differential between a witch and a duck.
Fiat paper witchcraft vs Physical Gold holdings?
We do in fact have our share of witches in Congress here. They also get a low approval rating.
Baby got back.
I don't post too much anymore...I mostly read all the crazy crap that's happening and sit here and shake my head, muttering "Good God" to myself.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrzMhU_4m-g
She turned me into a newt. But I got better.
We are soooo close to this type of stupidity breaking out in the US.
Didn't know Pelosi worked for Mugabe
Jendrzejczyk...You are so on the money.
.
Stupidity?! Hold on just a second there. I'll have you know that some of America's Closest Allies® have substantial problems with witchcraft.
http://www.livescience.com/41938-black-magic-crackdown-bahrain.html
It's no laughing matter. Those witches threaten our oil.
The book "Plain Honest Men" was about the Continental Congress. One day, while they were meeting in Philadelphia, negotiating the Constitution, just a block away a crowd of people stoned a woman for being a witch.
Never heard that. Will look it up.
This is why I love Zh. Even if it's a goose chase, it's fun chasing them around.
Breaking News: Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe turns into frog.
Isn't that why Barry fired Hillary?
Magoobe actually accused her of being a witch. And she actually had to go on the radio to explain she wasn't a witch. ...The reason for the country's problems are becoming so much clearer.
http://www.csmonitor.com/Commentary/Opinion/2009/0706/p09s01-coop.html
Reggie was moonlighting? WHat a whore.
This is a good example of the many reasons a global economy and society can't work.
You see, "global" means everyone on the globe. THESE people, and plenty more like them and worse, are on the globe. Geographically, we are fortunate to be on the other side of the globe from most of them, but "globalism" now forces us to deal with them. Or at the very least, have their antics reported as if they were legitimate 'government doin's' by the media.
Notice the disclaimer she made about not having to "resort" to witchcraft to further her career...uh yeah, you can't resort to something unless there's belief that it exists in the first place.
THAT should be the thrust of the article.
Not so much deal with them... in a globalized world economy you have to compete against them.
RACIST!!!
HATER!!!
The first sign of a witch is that deny their witchosity.
He mixed up the first letter......?
Hitlery campaign going to cause a shortage of brooms.... Long broom companies.
just... satire-proof
It's all fun and games until someone is turned into a newt
re Mugabe Fires VP For Being A "Witch"....
and, in related news: Obongo Fires VP For Being A "Wanker"....
Correction, Obongo Fires VP For Not Being a Tranny.
Don't smoke eye of newt before your piss test
Why didn't he just throw a bucket of water on her and get it over with
MUGABE: I piss on him.
Me too. If you can, watch the documentary Mugabe and the White African.
He Christine O'Donnelled her.
Does the "he who smelt it, dealt it" principle apply to witches? Because there's no way in the hell Mugabe is still alive without some serious juju.
Obama is probably kicking himself for not thinking of that justification when he fired his Secretary of Defense.
I thought voodoo was the correct term for African witchcraft?
We have Squidcraft here in the U.S.
I for turning the other check and all but a witch is a witch and dont mess around with no witch.
So when are Pelosi, Feinstein and Hitlery going to get theirs then?
*yawn*
Who didn't see this coming when 49 year old First Lady Grace Mugabe said she wanted to be the next Presdent of Zimbabwe? Same thing is happening with Hillary really.
She obviously is an effective witch since she avoided being murdered like her predessors.
Maybe Obama could make her his new Witchcraft Czar, no government would be complete without one? Curious, are there any snowplows or nail guns in Zimbabwe?
Hey I know it sounds crazy but, I've been living in South Africa for 30 years and they take this witchcraft thing really seriously. I can pay (possibly with a goat) a sangoma (witch doctor) to cast a spell on someone that's giving me trouble for what ever reason and since the local believes in the "curse", when he see's the "signs" he'll crap himself. Just about every year in some rural area someone will be accused of being a witch and gets taken out. As an example one lady's children were doing much better in school than all the other's children so she was accused of putting "bad muti (medicine)" IE a bad spell on all the other children so hers would do better; she was run out of town! So Mad Bob really believes it and his constituents will fully except it as fact and that's why she has to defend herself as a God fearing person otherwise she'll be seen as weighing less that a duck!