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And Now, Expert Financial Advice From Jessica Alba
In a world in which neither the Fed, nor the sellside (Goldman was forecasting $100 oil for years to come as recently as October 29), and certainly not tenured economists have any idea what lies beyond the next corner, perhaps the best place to look for financial answers are Hollywood celebrities such as Jessica Alba. So, in our pursuit of truth, financial answers and the Hollywood way, we give you... Jessica Alba.
Yes, the shapely artist alternatively known as Cash Money, was at yesterday's DealBook conference sharing deep insight. Why? Because among all the other ridiculous capital misallocation opportunities presented to West Coast venture capitalists in recent years thanks to the Fed, her diaper delivery startup, Honest, launched in 2012 and which is unbelievably valued at $1 billion, is preparing for its IPO as reported previously.
Here, courtesy of DealBook, is what she had to say:
1. “I appreciate being an actress now more than ever, because being in business is so stressful.”
Credit Thos Robinson/Getty Images For New York Times
2. “Board meetings are so long.”
Brian Lee and Jessica Alba are co-founders of Honest Company.Credit Andrew Renneisen for The New York Times
3. Raising money is “like pitching a movie all the time.”
Credit Andrew Renneisen for The New York Times
4. “My 30-plus-page deck got condensed into a 10-page deck, with a lot less words, a lot more pictures.”
Credit Andrew Renneisen for The New York Times
5. “I had this idea of this brand where people could really outsource their trust.”
Credit Andrew Renneisen for The New York Times
6. With a movie, “it’s not like your whole life is hanging on this thing. With a business, your whole life is hanging on this thing.”
Credit Andrew Renneisen for The New York Times
7. “We don’t test our products on animals. We test our products on our kids. And on ourselves.”
* * *
Finally, for all those who would rather watch rather than listen, here is the 21 minutes clip of Jessica Alba explaining why all one needs to be valued in the hundreds of millions, however briefly, is stunning good looks, B-ish grade Hollywood celeb status, VCs with ridiculous amounts of cash to burn, and the biggest equity bubble in history. Oh yes, and an idea involving excrement.
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how many cocks did she blow to get there
Finally someone I will listen to
Must say something about their audience.
Regards,
Cooter
tyler can we leave my childhood fantasy alone please?
god damnit jessica
She is Phoebe Cates reincarnated.
pods
haha hell yeah
I'd do her
as if she would even give you a second look, assuming you left your mothers basement
Unless she is giving a speech with her titties and pussy hanging out, no one wants to hear that shit.
I didn't know whether to cry, laugh, get pissed off, or just keep fapping.
Well don't lose your SA, nothing worse than trying to explain why you are giggling with tears coming down your face, pants around your ankles, and junk in your hand.
Them's words to live by!
pods
"7. “We don’t test our products on animals. We test our products on our kids. And on ourselves.”"
I appove of this plan.
I'm gonna leave SODBUSTIN' behind... Fappin, not so much.
I'd buy that for a dollar!
Kito, that's why God invented Ruffies
I though that said "Ruffles".....Hot chicks will bang for potato chips? This is gonna be agreat weekend
Ebeezeeby thebere Bibil, theba labadies mibight bebe wabacting whabat youbo wribite.
pods
Dear god, you wrote that in mushmouth.
Brilliant.
lol. that was funny. +1
"I'd do her"
With an avatar like that you´d do a soggy paper towel tube.
judging from your picture , you will do anything that moves lol
It has to move?
A remake of the "Hollywood Squares" game show...
Still waiting for Alba's pool scene.
I heard Bill Cosby is having a pool party this weekend, with his special drank in the punchbowl!!
I'm not sure what she said but whatever it was count me IN!
I'm sorry; I had the volume off and just enlarged her moving, pouting lips.
What can I say .... I'm just a normal, red-blooded, XY, American guy .
They test the products on themselves? Does that mean she wore a diaper and shat in it?
Who knows, but i give it full points just because it is to absurd even for this bizarro world.
Yup, Reality beats The Onion to the punch yet again.
Man, I hope she doesn´t read this thread. She won´t leave her house for a month without a pack of gorillas.
She could read the phone book to me for all I care as long as she's naked.
Barbarian. I would at least put up with socks so she can feel warmerishly.
I applaud Ms. Alba for undertaking this risk! Best of luck.
The fact that I would do things to her that I wouldn't do to a farm animal has zero influence on my feelings of goodwill.
pods
Damn Pods, I hope you wouldn't do that stuff to farm animals...
The saddest part is, that in this world of microwave pop-tarts, it's about the quantity of cocks and not how well she had to blow them.
yeah, we all know why we're here...
http://youtu.be/MZFJsUm0phA
Not yours obviously.... she is beautiful, but don´t get sour about it.
Not enough. She forgot mine.
Geez, I must be getting old. That was painful to watch. All twenty seconds
..... knock, knock.... anybody home....
The difference between democrats and republicans explained!
Once upon a time one not very smart lady has been sexually exploited by the battalion of soldiers. Naturally they utilized both holes to make the process more efficient.
Later that lady has been asked how she feels. Her answer was: - I am fine, except now I have a strange feeling that there is no any gap between my anus and my vagina.
Bridging the gaps - is the new world order!
wow
JUST SHOW US YOUR TITS!!!!!! STOP TALKING
The fuck is this?
I'd fuck her with this ==> PENIS
Then I'd shit in her diaper.
stupid whore.
Stupid whores have a history of taking lots of money from lonley old men with money. It's like the stock market, but with big purty eyes, tits, and ass.
That's the power of her peehole.
I don't know about that, but I do know she has three things going for her: beauty, married a regular guy, and she's an earner.
Refreshed the page to see how many comments would come in before there was one with "tits" or "cock".
Sigh.
I agree, you gotta be suave about dirtiness.
Can't just steamroll in there with a quick spit and thrust.
This isn't prison.
pods
Buncha animals around here, some of us are merely interested in her scat chat.
Pods you suave devil.. Don't forget the ruffles this weekend... ha
too many cocks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrGrOK8oZG8
good day
A sausage fest, you say?
it certainly isnt a clam jam, unfortunately.
I know how you feel.....I have to keep bringing up the endless classic "tongue punch her fart box" 'cause noone else seems to.
Which I'd definitely do with her.
She talks a lot of sense but I really think our governments & bankers know really what is good for us. You know, why risk it?
Too bad she didn't speak the truth, which is: if you look like one of the Brady Bunch girls and smile a lot, ugly old farts will give you money.
Marsha Marsha Marsha!
Marsha? Shit, by the last season Marsha's face looked like an old catcher's mitt. But Jan really blossomed.
give her money of hopes they can give some tube steak. Or maybe the old fucks need a better fitting diaper?
you got to be kidding...what is this HONEST again and why shuld it be worth 1 Bn?
high price whore - what are you expecting?
Boobs
Undeniably boobs got power, but I am willing to bet that in the case of this bullshit diaper company, the fat little Chinese man has more to do with what's happening behind the scenes. I think a more applicable name would have been Ali Caca.
'splain Angelina Joli then.
billion dollar diaper eh? I have to add Ding Bat Diaper Service to my future shorts watch list.
I'm digging the dehyradated water idea from a previous thread. Had no idea I was sitting on so much inventory.
This one is almost as good as my GoPro short. Dang keep em coming you baffoons.
What does dehydrated water weigh per cubic foot?
It's a trade secret to be revealed after the fifth round of venture funding.
Awfully close to what it weighs per cubic meter.
Just a sign of the times folks. And times are fuuuuuccked up.
Moar Alba,
less clothes.
How do I vote for "less clothes" without giving you a down arrow?
she needs to advertise naked with her legs spread.....
“I had this idea of this brand where people could really outsource their trust.”
What the fuck does that even mean?!?!
She had an idea /sacr
Dont know. But it sort of feels synonomous with "suspend thier disbelief"
It means I am smoking and whatever i say is amazing
it means what US (and World) citizens do with Central Bankers - we've outsourced our trust to them.
More like we've had our ability to produce and prosper outsourced to them.
Appealing to those who are easily duped.
Should be a roaring success in the US.
It means...once you outsource it to them you no longer will have it...or your money.
It's cute, funny and annoying all at the same time when the pretty ones try to baffle you with bullshit.
In the context she used it, she was talking about the consumer goods her company offers/finds. Example, if you have a baby and you need to see what materials go into your baby forumla or diaper. Her company would do that legwork for you and allow you to "outsource your trust" by putting it into them. You wouldn't need to worry about toxic ingredients or materials in your products because her company vets them out for you.
Poorly worded, but that's the gist of what she is saying.
Context is essential. I couldn't bring myself to watch it.
Do you trust people? No, I outsource that.
It means she could get a job at the State Department with that gobbledygook when that bitch Psaki moves on.
i was pregnant and find this guy, this small chinese guys who don't like me, hahaha lolololo LOLOLO
$1 Billion Dollars worth of shit. I want to see her in diapers.
her brand "Honest Company" is a collassal fucking rip off. My wife was about to pay for the monthly subscription of like $85 for diapers and wipes based on one of her Lexus Liberal friends recommendation. I politely told her to get the fuck off the computer and go make me some dinner. I'm of course paraphrasing.
If the company makes it 2 years it will be a miracle. People just don't have the money to waste on this type of crap.
lol> I think you're on to something here. She should do some cross branding with Lexus and Subaru in their commercials.
They can pan into backseat of the car during the commercial, and show little Skippy in his car seat with a "full load" in his Honest® sphincter guards.
iShit
From SNL: Oops I crapped my pants (1:24).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUP3PMLdoOs
Maybe her next I-Pee-Ooohh will be for adult diapers. Much bigger "return" on those puppies.
This fucking article and thread were made for me.
Maybe not so "Honest"
Synthetic Chemical Free, Ummm, Not Really
While company co-founder Christopher Gavigan told us the Honest Diaper is 80% plant-based,the most prominent page of the website (on Jan 18, 2013) about the Diaper Bundle described the product as "100%… plant based" and not exposing your baby to any "synthetic chemicals (ever!)" (see highlighted section of this screen capture from 1/18/13). However, after our previous review of the Honest Company and a conference call with the one of its founders where they openly admitted to their use of petroleum-based SAP when we inquired for details, the website now clearly states it does have some sodium polyacrylate (SAP) or less SAP for absorbency, just like conventional diapers. We don't know how the diapers can simultaneously include the petroleum-based chemical SAP as a key ingredient and also be 100% free of synthetic chemicals, however, we do appreciate the changes they have made to the description of their product and the effort to be more transparent. "
"the company was highly critical of competing diapers use of SAP in their absorbent core, previously stating "sodium polyacrylate (SAP) is the main component of those absorbent gel crystals found in many diapers and it can be a skin irritant." They mocked competing diaper companies for including SAP by stating, "Great idea to use it in something that's in direct contact with infant skin 24x7, right?" This was not very honest in our opinion, since Honest Diapers also includes SAP as a key ingredient in their absorbent core."
In contrast to their comments about SAP causing skin irritation when criticizing competitors' use of it, when talking about their own use of SAP in their diaper's core, Honest Company states, "[SAP has] been rigorously tested and found to be safe and non-toxic." In reply to our inquiries about their use of SAP, the company's Senior Product Manager said, in justifying their use a petroleum-based chemical in the diaper, "no one's going to use a diaper if it doesn't work
http://www.babygearlab.com/Disposable-Diaper-Reviews/The-Honest-Company-...
And a premium for this?
According to the website the diaper wipes are "Designed in California Responsibly made in China." And the diapers are made in Mexico.
I can't help but wonder now, what synthetic chemical Spishak maxi pads use as absorbant.
Wish I could up arrow you more than once. I'm still laughing at the "paraphrasing."
Spatula City is valued at 10 Billion get in on the IPO now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XbCWmY0eqY
She has a reel purtty mouff
She has a reel purtty mouff
And she's getting long in the tooth (34 y/o now?). She's starting to look like Skeletor in those pics when she opens her yap to show the pearly-whites.
“Board meetings are so long.”
Those quarterly 8-hour board meetings are so harsh!
*rubs forehead violently*
More like slapping your skull silly like a twisted firestarter.
A $1 billion diaper company???????
Shirley she must be shitting us! (don't call me Shirley).
That's a shitload of diapers!
She's betting a pantload on a shitload. A marriage made in heaven for Wall Street.
Scamming:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2579040/Lady-Gagas-Born-This-Way...
MIsallocate that capital! And Kinross Gold, which actually PRODUCES something, goes for $3 and change a share...?!?
Bet she gives better advice than Cramer.
Bet she gives better head than cramer, too. But obola disagrees.
Probably better head too
Kardashian's ass gives better advice than Cramer.
"dont hate the hoes...
hate the Fed..."
Jerome
i read the other day that people stopped having babies. unless they can bill those diapers on ebt cards i see bankruptcy in their future.
She makes way more sense than any bankster or Nobel eclownomist.
We dirty-diapered some folks....
they claim to have sales and profits, and besides diapers, cleaning products etc. all environmentally friendly etc. there is also a company called malaleuca that sells concentrated cleaning products and thus claims to be environmentally friendly.
add this one to the list: GRUB, YELP, TSLA etc of fantastically overvalued companies that come public during a bull mkt and the people involved think its easy. mix in one recession and suddenly people buy diapers and cleaning products at target again. "...AND ITS GONE"
How bad is it? So bad that Hollywood had to come out of the propaganda closet.
An American, not US subject.
I dunno...I find her much more interesting when she's swinging from a pole and shaking her ass...
The Sin city Dame to kill for DVD I rented stuttered and skipped around her dance scene.
Never read one word............. but it did take awhile to get to the comments.
I wonder if she owns TWTRQ?
Those penny stocks are where it's at.
Yen: I would die a happy man if I found out she reads ZeroHedge and it made her cry.
Now excuse me while I go test-drive her new diaper line. I'll send her the results.
lol Make sure you weigh yourself first Angus. You don't want anyone disputing your results. I don't want your dog taking any flak. ;-D
Yen: The results are in (ala Fat Bastard).
A short clip (4:31)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f71VqFgwPy4
Math is hard.
Quite a hottie though - bet she could sell most anything.
Shit - I saw a half dozen chicks way hotter than her today working at Sewell Lexus in Dallas. Especially the short buxom Latina. Yummy.
I don't mind looking at Jessica Alba, but I refuse to watch that incredible asshole and Wall Street toady Andrew R Sorkin
"...put more pictures..."
-lol idiocracy in full swing
She is a friggin' genius.
It's all about results an she has 'em
I've succeeded and failed in business, but I'll be dipped in rectal nutrition if she hasn't maximized what she's been given.
She's a mother with two kids. Pussy probably blown out and titties all beaten to hell.
Anyone for the dumper?
1. “I appreciate being an actress now more than ever, because being in business is so stressful.”
And gets you a get out of jail free card for grafitti. Sheesh.
http://www.newson6.com/story/10499283/actress-jessica-alba-leaves-her-mark-on-downtown-okc
She was not being unreasonable.
Oklahoma City has a real problem with random and senseless shark killings.
Holy fuck, she loves sharks too?
She might be good people.
pods
Wierd, around here taxpayer money was spent to paint up the utlitity boxes so they aren't such eyesores.
finally, some images that I don't want to unsee.
I'd bang the mustard out of her even if she was dead broke.
lets lay down and talk about this and if your any good... you get a bear off the second shelf.... "sensitive fellow"
another fareast snake oil salesman humping the IPO market
Jessica will learn to talk in the near future... ah ah ah ah and think shortly thereafter..
the guy on the left is the brains in that duo... she's a millenial.... where's her water bottle
Everyone here trashing her ... as she goes public with a billion dollar valuation company.
I would bang Jessica Alba right in front of my wife and her divorce attorney.
That gave me a good laugh +10 for that one
LOL +2M or for me the cost of my divorce in 1990 when I caught my wife banging her attorney. Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. 24 years later she's not hot, kinda pitiful and my son,26, is MY son again. I named my boat Karma Getcha. Life is good. Cheers ZH-ers.
I'm going to buy some Pet Rocks, shit really sells. Fuckin glorified diapers. I seen better waiting on corners for a bus.
Most here should quit whining and throwing pokes at Alba and get off your assess, invent something and collaborate it with a celeb like her. Instant Billion IPO's Jealous Fukkers.
Your right. I will collaborate with Mickey Rourke with boxing gloves that cover entire head and face.
Would she have pulled it off if she was Jessica Alba, waitress????
Methinks not.
Not too surprising her business venture would be about bums.
Did you see her spectacular tiny heinie in that scuba movie?
It reminded me of a juicy little peach.