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50-Year NYSE Veteran Art Cashin Unleashes New Year's Poem - From ISIS To The Ice Bucket Challenge

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Hot on the heels of his Xmas Poem, 50-year NYSE veteran Art Cashin, UBS Director of Floor Operations, has unveiled his New Year's Poem summarizing the year behind and looking at the year ahead. From ISIS to The Ice Bucket Challenge and from Joan Rivers' death to Kim Jung Un's life, Cashin covers it all...

 

'Tis the day before New Year’s
and despite what you’re hopin’
The folks in the Boardroom
say “the full day we’re open”

So we'll buy and we'll sell
as the tape crawls along
And though "Bubbly's" verboten
we may still sing a song

Two Thousand Fourteen
was okay, not really a wow
Till a Santa Claus rally
took us through Eighteen Thou

We lost special people
as we seem to each year
It just makes us treasure
each one that’s still here

Robin Williams, so manic
snuffed out his own light
Mickey Rooney's gone also
into Dylan's Good Night

Joan Rivers departed
when a doctor slipped up
And Sid Caesar now sips
from a heavenly cup

James Garner, "Bret Maverick"
has played his last hand
Polly Bergen now sings
in an Angelic band

Eli Wallach needs no badges
he's got wings, I've a hunch
Elaine Stritch found a new place
now with cherubs she'll lunch

Hurricane Carter
has thrown his last punch
Ann B. Davis as "Alice"
no longer waits on the "Bunch"

Bacall, who could whistle
took her last curtain call
Philip Seymour Hoffman
is now just down the hall

Casey Kasem's now listing
Top 40 harp songs
Mayor Barry departed
moving on past his wrongs

Mike Nichols graduated
to Mrs. Robinson's place
Ruby Dee now also
fills heaven with grace

Ben Bradlee followed Nixon
for one final time
Maya Angelou tells St. Peter
her favorite new rhyme

Oscar De La Renta
designed his last gown
"Adam Smith" (Jerry Goodman)
he has also left town

The threat of Ebola
made everyone fear
'So Time made health workers
their Man of the Year

Kim K bared her assets
glossed up till they shone
But most folks on the net shrugged
and left the whole thing alone

Some guy near the White House
hopped up over the wall
And since the door was unlocked
he just strolled down the hall

The ice bucket challenge
made some hairdos a mess
But it raised lots of money
to help fight ALS

In their Little League Series
one kid pitched a pearl
As a young lady showed us
how to "throw like a girl"

Polar Vortex froze business
The year started out rough
But when we got defrosted
things seemed to go well enough

There were shootings, then lootings
things kept turning bizarre
Until a mad man came North
to shoot two cops in a car

We saw ISIS beheadings
and car bombs galore
Sadly, three different airliners
got half way but no more

Brad wed Angelina
and George Clooney - Amal
But some folks like Don Sterling
could not find any pal

There were midterm elections
The GOP did quite well
Will that help them to govern?
It's way too early to tell

Sony thought it terrific
and they'd have lots of fun
If they made a joke movie
in which they killed Kim Jung Un

Derek Jeter retired
one game at a time
In most states, gay marriage
is no longer a crime

The NFL fumbled
on domestic abuse
We didn't see the whole tape
was their only excuse

Rolling Stone ran a story
that they later withdrew
And more women blamed Cosby
saying the press really knew

Gwyneth Paltrow "decoupled"
Taylor Swift told streamers "No!"
In the kid's movie Frozen
Elsa sang "Let it go"

Let not this year's memories
of sadness or sleaze
Disturb you this day
just give your heart ease

Have faith that this New Year
will bring a new sign
And believe in yourself
it will all work out fine

Just lift up your spirits
and some fruit of the vine
And kiss ye a loved one
and sing Auld Lange Syne

And late in the evening
as you watch the ball fall
Wish yourself all the best
Happy New Year to All!!

 

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Wed, 12/31/2014 - 10:27 | 5608723 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

Not a word about Ukraine, full spectrum war with Russia soon to mutate into a military conflict, devastation of Gaza, and the seven Muslim countries that the Nobel Prize Winner is bombing? Apparently, the tranquilizers that Cashin is on are working.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 10:32 | 5608733 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

I had a snarky comment, but what more can I say but fuck this propaganda-peddling elite.  Half of those people should have been dead in a Hollywood circle jerk two decades ago, and have been kept alive by royalty payments and baby's blood.  Fuck Hollywood.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 11:09 | 5608851 Ahoy Polloi
Ahoy Polloi's picture

Go say hi to Joan Rivers & Robin Williams will ya Art? Don't forget to pay the boatman 2 paper gold coins.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 11:23 | 5608912 spastic_colon
spastic_colon's picture

just goes to show you all of these jackasses in the MSM are union actors with hollywood pensions

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:18 | 5610696 Ward cleaver
Ward cleaver's picture

Hey he's part of the 1%. Why
is this POS on ZH?

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 10:25 | 5608724 Recognizer
Recognizer's picture

No. Poems, no less.  Poems, everybody!

The lad reckons himself a poet.

Money.  Get back.  I'm all right, Jack.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 10:35 | 5608750 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

Cashin always gets his pudding.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 10:26 | 5608726 alexmark2013
alexmark2013's picture
Wall Street Fines Sweep Real Issues Under the Rug: Cohan http://investmentwatchblog.com/wall-street-fines-sweep-real-issues-under-the-rug-cohan/
Wed, 12/31/2014 - 10:33 | 5608728 trader1
trader1's picture

 

 

it’s a mad world.

many people suffer

by the actions of a few

 

a few people suffer 

by the actions of many

 

all of these organizations, 

government institutions, democrats, republicans,

church communities, mosque communities, 

corporations, organized criminals, 

legal and illegal militants,

are human beings.

 

we have to approach tense

violent situations

humanely.

 

humanely

on a personal interactive level,

humanely

on a global political level,

so that we can negotiate

together 

towards peace.

 

of course 

there is a natural tendency

to respond with violence.

 

but when we do that,

we create more violence.

 

violence has an echo.

it reverberates.

 

it never ends well

with violence.

 

 

Happy New Year ZH.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 10:30 | 5608731 rccalhoun
rccalhoun's picture

dow up several thousand

and nary a blink

zirp is working

and if not, theres fresh ink

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 10:36 | 5608748 ParkAveFlasher
ParkAveFlasher's picture

'Twas the night before New Year's,

And all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring,

Except for Art Cashin, something something

Do I really need this ginny J-loving POS telling me what to care for?

THanks for the Best Wishes from Above, pissing down my back and telling me it's raining.  Oh look, dead comics!  Kim K!  Don't worry, we got you covered!  Head to toe!

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 10:30 | 5608736 SickDollar
SickDollar's picture

HAPPY NEW YEAR  ZH NATION

 

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 10:35 | 5608761 surf0766
surf0766's picture

retire please

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 10:38 | 5608769 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

and so art cashin

in true maggot fashion

glorified the theft

to help steal what was left

good night

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 10:48 | 5608793 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

at least he put Derek Jeter and gay in the same stanza...

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 10:47 | 5608796 noben
noben's picture

In the spirit of ZH gloom, doom and boom...

Have a depressing New Year, and may all your wishes for The End come true.

Failing that, it's best to do some manual labor or outdoor exercise, to fill those lungs with fresh air and rejuvenate that brain. And don't forget to have sex with someone other than yourself.

Cheers.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 10:50 | 5608806 bardot63
bardot63's picture

Art Cashin talks out of one side of his mouth for CNBC, and the other side for King World and ZH and whomever else will publish him.  The guy has been around 50 years, and that deserves applause, of sorts, but I can't think of one thing he's said in the past 15 years that really mattered six months later.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 10:53 | 5608822 Herdee
Wed, 12/31/2014 - 10:56 | 5608829 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

I love the rhymes

That Art Cashin sent us

Too bad the old bastard

Is non compos mentis.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 11:04 | 5608846 spastic_colon
spastic_colon's picture

ok now that's funny shit

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 11:15 | 5608889 earleflorida
earleflorida's picture

to bad a algobot don't choke the stupid fuck and his gang of con-artist

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 11:18 | 5608856 spastic_colon
spastic_colon's picture

nary a mention of constant vix smashing,

while 10 million jobless go windows a-smashing,

close your eyes, and sleep tight in your beds,

cuz if you don't, the cops will blow off your heads.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 11:12 | 5608873 saveUSsavers
saveUSsavers's picture

USELESS IDIOT !

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 11:13 | 5608881 earleflorida
earleflorida's picture

fuck 'Cash`en' the maggot POS!

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 11:13 | 5608883 Billy Shears
Billy Shears's picture

A nice guy, if you like blowhards.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 11:18 | 5608894 clade7
clade7's picture

 

Big buxom bitches with bubblegum booties,

hot horney Harlots and flaxen haire floozies,

Tawt tawney Trollops with twin nipple rings,

These are a few of my favorite things!

 

Fighting and farting and fishing and fucking...etc..

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 11:24 | 5608924 Mike Honcho
Mike Honcho's picture

"The ice bucket challenge
made some hairdos a mess
But it raised lots of money
to help fight ALS"

It was a self promoting event and little more.  Less than 27% of those funds go to actual research, bravo.

http://naturalsociety.com/ice-bucket-challenge-als-foundation-27-percent-donations/

Similar, when Obuma's husband held up the #bringbackourgirls sign with the pouty face that broke a nations heart.  The girls didn't go back and more have been kidnapped.  Total result - self promotion.

http://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/features/2014/10/abandonment-bring-back-our-girls-2014101494119446698.html

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 11:43 | 5608974 HedgeHammer
HedgeHammer's picture

Anyone else just throw up in their mouth a little bit?

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 12:18 | 5609088 El Hosel
El Hosel's picture

HH ..... I just brushed my teeth so I opted for shart in the shorts.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 12:40 | 5609149 HedgeHammer
HedgeHammer's picture

Haha it'll have to do my friend.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 11:56 | 5609017 Berspankme
Berspankme's picture

Fuck Art Cashin just another bloodsucking thief on wall street. He'd be on his knees for Dimon in a heartbeat

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 12:16 | 5609080 El Hosel
El Hosel's picture

He lost any credibility when he took offense at the notion that "The Markets" could be manipulated/blatantly fukin rigged... Pass the apple pie.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 13:56 | 5609493 natty light
natty light's picture

HFT fits

Market glitches

Dont want  to think about it

Gold Bitchez

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 16:26 | 5610100 green888
green888's picture

Well it could have been written something like this, if you plagarised Satires:-

 

Who knows not to what monstrous rules, my friend

The mad officials of America tend.

CIA, FBI, SEC some enschrine

Some think the Fed alone divine.

Others, where MF Globals vast ruin strews the ground

And shattered Comex yields a magic sound

Set up a glittering brute of uncouth shape

And bow before the image of an ape.

Thousands regard the  spectre with Holy fear

No-one decent. And 'tis dangerous here

To read ZH and then to stain

The sanctity of MSM with words profane

They spare the monkey in the jungle and think it ill

The blood of lobbyists or dross to spill

But middle class incomes! Why, that's legal fare

To steal it all. No scandal there

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 17:53 | 5610465 ultraticum
ultraticum's picture

Cashin talks stocks, Hollywood and scant in between,
With content that's plucked from Faux and Sheeple magazine.

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