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"New Normal" America, In One Picture

Tyler Durden's picture




 

A Florida man calls 9-1-1...

 

 

Welcome to the new normal - when not being able to 'game' is an emergency!!

 

h/t @_FloridaMan

 

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Wed, 12/31/2014 - 18:48 | 5610614 lolmao500
lolmao500's picture

He should call about the FED...

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 18:57 | 5610634 Jeff the Terrible
Jeff the Terrible's picture

If I was the 911 operator I wouldn't pause with my answer:  "Yes.  Police are being dispatched to your location right now."

 

http://y2u.be/VI6tBwVjyOY

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 18:57 | 5610642 Beam Me Up Scotty
Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

Did you just plagerize No Debt's response below?

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:00 | 5610649 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Pathetic trolls are pathetic.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:18 | 5610701 Realname
Realname's picture

Its a vegan youtube video, to boot. Fekkin vagitarians.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:26 | 5610717 McMolotov
McMolotov's picture

This seems relevant and on-topic:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anwy2MPT5RE

Spam! Spam! Spam!

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 21:44 | 5611066 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Beat me to it. Monty Python always applies.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 21:42 | 5611059 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

My ancestors didn't work that hard to get to the top of the food chain, so I could eat fucking rabbit food. If I shoot it, I'm gonna eat it.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 22:04 | 5611127 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

All the vegans I ever dated loved to be "eaten."

Is that hypocrisy?

The banksters need to repay us.

 

"I don't eat meat, except fish."

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:15 | 5610682 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

That is his MO. He copies a post and then sticks a youtube video onto it.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:39 | 5610757 Wahooo
Wahooo's picture

A weird compulsion. I hope he feels better for it.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 21:00 | 5610960 krio
krio's picture

Unless he gets paid for the ads. And its not a he but a weird new spam bot.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:00 | 5610647 Five8Charlie
Five8Charlie's picture

Tyler- please throw out this shithead!

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:20 | 5610704 ClassicalLib17
ClassicalLib17's picture

Idiot!  This is what 911 is for.  Real life situations.

 

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/audio/play/80908020/

Thu, 01/01/2015 - 02:44 | 5611057 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

911 exists to dispatch overpaid, badge wearing janitors, wielding guns and fire hoses, to mop up grease stains.

...and buy votes by creating more jobs to evade reality.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 21:41 | 5611060 More_sellers_th...
More_sellers_than_buyers's picture

i gotta say that was pretty funny

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 21:40 | 5611058 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

i warned u 2 days ago Jeffy the Troll, now I'm going to grill a steak. Down the line another cow will die AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT!!!BAD TROLL JEFFY, BAD TROLL!

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 22:01 | 5611120 Bunga Bunga
Wed, 12/31/2014 - 23:28 | 5611303 vegan
vegan's picture

Oh, for fuck sake...

 

Thu, 01/01/2015 - 13:27 | 5612382 jaxville
jaxville's picture

Did you know that Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian.  He did not think that an animal should have to die so he could eat.  Why are you a vegetarin?

Thu, 01/01/2015 - 14:45 | 5612586 Benjamin123
Benjamin123's picture

Yes he was a vegetarian, some people were or are vegetarian including Adolf. Why are you asking?

Fri, 01/02/2015 - 21:04 | 5617031 PhysicalRealm
PhysicalRealm's picture

Geez I'm sick of hearing this one about Hitler being vegetarian.  He was not.  He loved liver dumplings.  <gag>

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adolf_Hitler_and_vegetarianism

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 18:56 | 5610636 Beam Me Up Scotty
Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

Might as well call 911 for a pizza delivery too.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 20:06 | 5610812 mkkby
mkkby's picture

This is obviously a North Korean (Russian, Iranian) test for jamming our emergency response systems.  Send in the drones.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 21:43 | 5611062 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

There's an app for that. No phone operators needed.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 18:58 | 5610644 JohnnyHenriksen
JohnnyHenriksen's picture

Caller: Hello, do you know about the whole fractional reserve debt based monetary thing?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0GDcA-gqY4

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:29 | 5610726 Bollixed
Bollixed's picture

DIAF copy-cat spammer.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 20:23 | 5610863 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Anyone get the impression that Tyler(s) do not exist anymore?  He/she used to come on every now and then.  No more.

Thu, 01/01/2015 - 13:34 | 5612403 actionjacksonbrownie
actionjacksonbrownie's picture

Tyler made a post last week. He/she is still lurking.

Sat, 01/03/2015 - 21:10 | 5619490 fedupwhiteguy
fedupwhiteguy's picture

oh yeah???? send me the link please.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 21:38 | 5611049 SAT 800
SAT 800's picture

There used to be some hope. Sometime ago. I think. If I remember right. Probably not, tho.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 22:03 | 5611121 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

"He should call about the FED..."

My guillotine handles that hotline.

The banksters need to repay us.

 

Guillotine the Fed!

Thu, 01/01/2015 - 01:53 | 5611537 tplink
tplink's picture

my best friend's half-sister makes $77 every hour on the computer . She has been laid off for 5 months but last month her pay check was $14292 just working on the computer for a few hours. read... www.works3.com

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 18:52 | 5610616 Ahoy Polloi
Ahoy Polloi's picture

PUH ~ LEEZ or...?

 

- Bear Claws

- Glazed

- Buttermilk Old Fashioned

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:04 | 5610654 John Wilmot
John Wilmot's picture

Buttermilk? How odd...

I usually put whiskey in my old fashioned

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:16 | 5610679 Ahoy Polloi
Ahoy Polloi's picture

alright... Party... BONUS!

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 18:51 | 5610618 pachanguero
pachanguero's picture

Thanks American public shcools! 

Thu, 01/01/2015 - 13:45 | 5612430 actionjacksonbrownie
actionjacksonbrownie's picture

You speld scoolz rong

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 18:52 | 5610623 Sub MOA
Sub MOA's picture

This would almost be funny if neverfuckingmind

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 18:53 | 5610624 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

If I was the 911 operator I wouldn't pause with my answer:  "Yes.  Police are being dispatched to your location right now."

 

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 18:56 | 5610632 Beam Me Up Scotty
Beam Me Up Scotty's picture

Send in the SWAT team!!

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 20:07 | 5610816 Bossman1967
Bossman1967's picture

Must have been playing gta v unbelievable

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:11 | 5610675 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

"How much cash do you have in the house?"

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 22:13 | 5611140 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

Great comment!

"Sir, before I dispatch the paramedics I need to know how much cash you have in the house? That allows us to know how many gun and badge thugs to also dispatch."

The banksters need to repay us.

 

What does a cop call a dollar bill? Probable cause to look for more.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:49 | 5610778 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 How's that "Grand Nationa"l build working out? I love that Buick small/block. 3.6 liter small block 6/ It's hard to find impellers for that turbocharger.

 That's a nice rebuild, and works well. I like touring cars, with exceptional track capabilities.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 18:55 | 5610628 Bill of Rights
Bill of Rights's picture

Long born and bred dopes 2015

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:01 | 5610652 fascismlover
fascismlover's picture

Tazers enroute to caller's location.  Police brutality for the first win of the year!

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:02 | 5610655 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

What do you expect when POTUS calls Sony "hacking" a national security issue?

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:14 | 5610686 Harry Balzak
Harry Balzak's picture

Yet he had no comment when his own site gets hacked:

http://www.wsj.com/articles/hacker-breached-healthcare-gov-insurance-sit...

 

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:18 | 5610694 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

Insurance site getting hacked is not good for business. Best keep quiet about that. FORE!

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:26 | 5610718 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

"What do you expect when POTUS calls Sony "hacking" a national security issue?"

Didn't his teleprompter actually say that?

The banksters need to repay us.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 21:06 | 5610974 amadeus39
amadeus39's picture

Your Roman strategy is sound. Repitition is effective as Cato proved. The banksters need to repay us! and then the banksters must be destroyed as was Carthage. Carthago delenda est.

 

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:03 | 5610657 The Shape
The Shape's picture

I don't get why this is a new normal.

People have always been idiots.

 

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:15 | 5610683 SickDollar
SickDollar's picture

Tyler is trying to show you that the investment has grown at the n end of 2014

now we have double idiots

 

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:06 | 5610662 Intoxicologist
Intoxicologist's picture

ROR!

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:20 | 5610670 SickDollar
SickDollar's picture

Caller: Hello

911 Operator: 911 Police Brutality Unit  or Fire the joint Bitch dept

Caller : Do you know what the Masters are planning for the sheeple in 2015  because I am trying to hedge accordingly???

911 Operator: Buy Gold Bitch!!

 

HAPPY FUCKEN NEW YEAR BITCHEZ,

 

 

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:18 | 5610698 yellowsub
yellowsub's picture

this guy's just scared of North Korea...

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:20 | 5610702 wendigo
wendigo's picture

Why is Florida usually the culprit for weird shit like this? 

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:37 | 5610756 BeansMcGreens
BeansMcGreens's picture

Carnies?

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:25 | 5610712 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

911 Operator: "What is the nature of your emergency?"

Caller: "Can you sent over the police to do to my neighbor what they did to Kelly Thomas in California?"

911 Operator: "The thugs are being dispatched. Please stay on the line until they have finished beating your neighbor into a coma."

Caller: "Yes, I will. Thank you."

911 Operator: "While you are waiting, would you like to donate to the FOP?"

The banksters need to repay us.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 21:09 | 5610977 amadeus39
amadeus39's picture

And then they must be destroyed!

 

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:38 | 5610747 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

Yet this kid will grow up to remotely control a drone flying somewhere in Afghanistan, Iraq, Ukraine and why not, even in America.

That's how sad the nation of Messrs Washington and Jefferson has become.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:41 | 5610761 nasa
nasa's picture

The caller put in more effort into one phone call then your average SEC employee will put into their entire career.  Tough to hate on him...  

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:44 | 5610771 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 The new "house minority" leader is a pilgrim.

  Mitch Mc Connell has an opportunity to look beyond ambition and start courting new constituentes? In the United States Senate.

 If you don't, the people will take the senate back!

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:50 | 5610774 tarabel
tarabel's picture

 

 

On a serious note, this got me to thinking about how one talks to the government at any level. This is likely the only case where people will actually answer the phone. And they'll come arrest you if they don't like the question you have for them.

Maybe a generalized government help line is in order, something like 6-6-6 or 0-0-0 for inquiries other than an emergency. I mean, who has the number for anything other than 9-1-1? And who can find a number on their smart phones given all the useless but sponsored results at the top of the page for every topic?

I can see it now. Looking for "Government help line"

Find Postal Jobs in your area.

Train now to take the test for postal jobs in your area.

Join the National Guard today and see the world, or certain ugly parts of it, tomorrow.

Finds lots of government help at allthingsbogus.com

Searching for the best deals on government help line?

Fuck, just call 9-1-1 and see if they have a suggestion.

 

And a Happy New Year to everyone. May you all end up richer, healthier, and freer.

 

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:52 | 5610787 Jstanley011
Jstanley011's picture

OT: "Thanks for the memories"

Bob Hope and Shirley Ross, "The Big Broadcast of 1938"

Thanks for the memory
Of rainy afternoons, swingy Harlem tunes
Motor trips and burning lips and burning toast and prunes
How lovely it was

Thanks for the memory
Of candlelight and wine, castles on the Rhine
The Parthenon, and moments on the Hudson River line
How lovely it was

Many's the time that we feasted
And many's the time that we fasted
Oh well, it was swell while it lasted
We did have fun, and no harm done

So thanks for the memory
Of crap games on the floor, nights in Singapore
You might have been a headache, but you never were a bore
I thank you so much

Thanks for the memory
Of China's funny walls, transatlantic calls
That weekend at Niagara when we hardly saw the falls
How lovely that was

Thanks for the memory
Of lunch from twelve to four, sunburn at the shore
That pair of gay pajamas that you bought and never wore
Say, by the way, what did happen to those pajamas?

Letters with sweet little secrets
That couldn't be put in a day wire
Too bad it all had to go haywire
That's life, I guess, I love your dress

Do you? Thanks for the memory
Of faults that you forgave, rainbows on a wave
And stockings in the basin when a fellow needs a shave
I thank you so much

Thanks for the memory
Of Gardens at Versailles, and beef and kidney pie
The night you worked and then came home with lipstick on your tie
How lovely that was

Thanks for the memory
Of lingerie with lace, and Pilsner by the case
And how I jumped the day you trumped my one and only ace
How lovely that was

We said goodbye with a highball
And I got as high as a steeple
But we were intelligent people
No tears, no fuss, hooray for us

Strictly entre nous, darling, how are you?
And how are all those little dreams that never did come true?
Awfully glad I met you, cheerio, tootle-oo
Thank you, thank you...
-----------------------------
"Surprise me." The radio and film star Bob Hope's last words, said this to his wife, Dolores, after she asked him where he wanted to be buried.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 19:55 | 5610793 petaloka
petaloka's picture

Kind of makes me look forward to our collapse.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 20:27 | 5610874 czarangelus
czarangelus's picture

Get a grip, Zero Hedge. This is obviously a child who watches too much TV and literally thought that the PSN outage was some kind of terrorist attack. Of all the things to harp on about the end of Anglo-Zionist civilization, I'm not sure a kid being a kid is really the catch-all symbol for our time.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 20:44 | 5610924 SickDollar
SickDollar's picture

relax grab a Drink you sound tense

 

Thu, 01/01/2015 - 12:53 | 5612304 Jerk_Store
Jerk_Store's picture

probably a 35 year old "kid".

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 20:55 | 5610947 _SILENCER
_SILENCER's picture

911: Operator. Please state the nature of your emergency.

Caller: It smells like lunchmeat when I pee.

911: That's an issue. Would you care for some coupons, redeemable next black friday? Imagine the savings!

Caller: I DO need a new playstation setup.

911: How's that bladder problem now?

Caller: All better! Thanks, Big Government!

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 22:19 | 5611156 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

I almost killed my wife today. While she was pulled over by a cop, I handed her a cell phone.

The banksters need to repay us.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 23:00 | 5611235 amadeus39
amadeus39's picture

And then be destroyed!

 

Thu, 01/01/2015 - 02:27 | 5611589 idontcare
idontcare's picture

So your plan to off your wife didn't work.  Bummer.  Well, there are always more speed traps - better luck next time.

Wed, 12/31/2014 - 22:22 | 5611164 cnmcdee
cnmcdee's picture

surprised he isn't pimping out his sister for 77$ hr part time..

Thu, 01/01/2015 - 02:23 | 5611584 idontcare
idontcare's picture

It's Palm Beach County, FL - what do you expect? 

Thu, 01/01/2015 - 05:37 | 5611773 dreadnaught
dreadnaught's picture

Best drunk 911 call yet "I need a ride to the liquor store-a cop i met today said she would do it"

Thu, 01/01/2015 - 14:47 | 5612593 Last of the Mid...
Last of the Middle Class's picture

we stupidified some folks!!

Thu, 01/01/2015 - 16:12 | 5612811 disgruntled hou...
disgruntled housewife's picture

In part of my thesis I addressed the endocrine disruption caused by styrene dimers and trimers. Styrene is used in food packaging whether it is plastic, paper, or the new plant based biodegradables. Styrene is cracked from petroleum for use in these products. Many studies since 1976 have shown that styrene leaches into the food we consume. The government has actually been collecting industry supplied data to formulate what they call polystyrene consumption factor (PScf.) In 1980 it was .08, 95' re-evaluated at .10, and 07' study pegged it at .14. There were two studies that really made me think twice about packaged foods. Male rats brains were significantly smaller when exposed in vitro. Rats are mammals- so are we. Decreased brain weights could be a reflection of styrene's inhibiting the T4 conversion to T3- thyroid hormonal action important in branching cells in the embryonic brain.The other study noted polystyrene petri dishes interacted with human leukocyte cells and observations were recorded of DNA single strand breaks.  There are a total of 51 polystrene (most people call it styrofoam- which is incorrect- that is a Dow product not used in food applications but similiar) and styrene based additives used in and to package food. In an 05' study PRL was hyper secreted in rats exposed to styrene. PRL stimulates mammary gland growth.

Boys are getting dumber- look at the lack of males on a college campus and girls are getting breasts earlier and earlier. More research needs to be done but packaged foods could be the source of some of our ills. Reaearch shows I.Q. is falling- what if we really are what we eat? Food for thought.

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