This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.
ISIS Is Hiring
Having previously searched for doctors, lawyers, and engineers; The Islamic State is now building out its workforce...
#ISIS Jobs openings:
- Munshid
- Hackers
- Programmers
- 3DMax artists
- Audio engineers
- Media tweeps
#Syria #Iraq pic.twitter.com/cz6MNh1PDp
— Rami (@RamiAlLolah) January 3, 2015
»
- 15010 reads
- Printer-friendly version
- Send to friend
- advertisements -
What are they doing? making a pixar style movie?
Got a couple old serious fuckup workmates I could recommend.
Do they trade bonds?
My sister's brother in law gets paid over $87 per hour working for ISIS.
http://fuckspam.com
ROTFLMAO!!!
Appealing to those currently "not in the labor force" I see.
How many wirgins are they offering?
Benefits include company Toyota Hilux, AK-47, personal infidel sex slave and Osamacare gold plan insurance.
I'll bet they have a fabulous defined-benefit pension plan;... trouble is, you'll never make it to retirement...
Is this a work-from-home opportunity?
they want to lure more idiots to kill. the israelis really have outdone themselves with this isis ruse.
Applicants must understand the right hand strokes Allah (peas be upon him), while the left hand slaps the kaffir into submission. Women and idiots of color encouraged to apply.
WTF, 3d artist, is there some real estate bubble they are planning?
I think the nonFederal Reserve advertised a little while ago for the same kind of thing. Maybe they can share staff and cut overhead?
I've heard they have an amazing severance package. It's simply to die for.
They found it's more cost effective to do beheadings with CGI.
And the Academy Award for best beheading goes to...
Allan Hu and his masterpiece "Snackbar." Congratulations Allan!
America, America, this is - youuuu
My understanding is that Americans have a leg up in hiring preference. Seems they've known our favorite Uncle Sam for years.
Never in a million years would I have suspected that "akhbar" sounds like "snackbar" to western ears. Guess that's what happens when you spend a couple of years in the middle east as a kid.
Sterling Archer* of ISIS**, for Best Male Actor in a Lead Role... and his amazingly authentic looking decaps and faux accent.
*Codename "Duchess".
** Special Agent for the International Secret Intelligence Service (ISIS), former cocaine dealer.
I'll guess they are pirating 3DS - Blender's cheaper and legal!
Blender Shit ;-)
Maya + Miarmy = World WarZ
Less trouble cleaning up too!
where does one apply, Langley?
@I.S.I.S., to 'ZH_SNOB':
All applications submitted to our foreign branch in Langley, VA, will be forwarded to our main headquarters in the 'Bunker' in Haifa. Only serious enquiries will be entertained.
Of course, due to the E.E.O.C. act, only those with blood ties to the correct people will be considered (and those who have sworn allegiance to protecting those who like to kill people for the hell of it using any methods that mankind has devised in the past 6,000 years).
Thank you again for your inquiry.
'Baghdad Bob'
That, or the Farm. You could also try "cultural exchange dept" over at Frogy Bottom.
Wonder if I could sign up my ex???
I am shocked that people still believe this ISIS organization is legit??
It is a CIA Operation setup to make an excuse for USSA to send troops on the ground.
I don't think too many ZH readers think ISIS exists as a legit, standalone entity.
Your average twitter viewer, however...
Being that a standing army is extremely costly that means they are being bank rolled by someone. But yes most people lack such common sense. Who else would bank roll isis I wonder?
They left off crash dummies
Don't they hire central bankers, or just bankers in general?
It's a terrrist organization, I think that means they are all central bankers.
"Have Printing Plates, will finance."
Fresh C-Notes, right from the CIA Fin Min.
What are the work conditions? Does ISIS pay over time? Is salary packaging available? What level of superannuation does ISIS pay? Is there an ISIS Union employees can opt to join? Does ISIS have an appropriate industry standard Occupational Health and Safety workplace policy?
Thanks
Never mind all that. They're hiring!
http://rall.com/comic/isis-is-hiring
You know jobs are scarce when people seriously consider this as an option.
Which they should. If someone offered you an opportunity to get out of the U.S. with a job lined up, why wouldn't you take it? You can dissappear into any other country after you get that paycheck...
First you would need a passport, way beyond all folks that can't even gain a photo ID to vote for their favorite perkie distributor here in the states.
They aren't recruiting dummies to build the Caliphate, just stooges.
http://www.amazon.com/Henchmens-Book-Club-Danny-King-ebook/dp/B005FX0KRU
Good Read.
We hired some folks.
More importantly, are my questions: WHERE is the Mission(ary Position) Statement? Is there a Vision Statement or are there Shared Goals? I need to see some branding here -- a consistent look (font, texture) and feel across platforms and faithful rendering of the corporate colours (black and ???). These are the elements that really make an enterprise viable. Until these crucial building blocks of statehood are in place (rotating "tag lines**" would be appropriate as well), I just can't even consider applying and having their lack of corporate identity blmish my job record. Time will tell..........
*** examples: -- "A SHARP look forward to the past"
I think they are relying on the 72 virgins for severance & safety benefits!
But I don't WANT to fuck a goat!!
OldPhart, they are bisexual so you can fuck either a sheep or a goat.
Hey Rami tweet your posting to the NSA
FUCK YOU, dbTX!
I don't want the NSA to know about this, you silly person!
Sincerely,
Rami
(this tweet sent by 'NSA.org' on my I-pad)
Man, that really sucks. I have a lot of experience as a senior-level munshid but my comp claim is about to come through.
Boy, Obama's sunni boo's sure are industrious.
ISIS ain't what it used to be. They will be lucky to have a flag let alone fly it over the White House. Sunni punks.
Lucky me !!! I got 10 years of munshid experience !!!
Near as I can make out "Munshid" is a singer or showman...
or cantor, as in call to prayer.
Job Requirements: Must be willing to submit to the authority of the Caliph or his masked representatives. Be handy with an AK47 or RPG in the service of what the Caliph calls a peaceful religion. Enjoy long walks on beach-like sand with small water rations from said Caliph to festive beheadings. And cover your women-folk from head to toe lest they be deemed harlots.
Apply within the gates of hell.
Just amazing, the number of folks who stick up for the bat shit crazy fuckers determined to destroy all vestiges of civilization while forcing you to bleat to Allah or die, no?
Does airdropping armaments to these folks count as sticking up for them? I'm sure it was just a mistake.
http://globaleconomicanalysis.blogspot.com/2014/10/us-airdrops-load-of-w...
Get a hold of yourself, when modern western civilization starts decapitating people and throwing it up on youtube and the industrial strength raping and killing of people for simply refusing to convert to their bastardized religion & culture as something to aspire to, come back and talk to me.
You doubt that we are directly supporting ISIS with weapons and tech support?
Yes I do doubt we are currently supporting ISIS with weapons and tech support. If you have something besides a bad air drop bring it forward and lets review it.
If true I'll be your greatest ally, if false...
Nmewn did you forget your sarcasm tag or is this the first time I disagree with you? Isis as a military front doesn't exist in a vacuum. They need a shit ton of money, food, weapons, intel, medical attention, etc...
The only way for an army to be funded is;
1) conventional military (not isis)
2 ) militias (not isis)
3) mercenaries (isis)
Yup. Isis is the new Al Qaeda, a kind of geopolitical Global Warming: you find the bogeyman wherever the sponsor WANTS you to find it.
"If true I'll be your greatest ally, if false..."
If false...what?
You forgot beastiality, necrophilia, and...
I need a drink.
Oh man, all the fun stuff.
They don't drink, either.
industrial strength raping and killing for people simply refusing to convert to Neo-Conism.... seriously NMEWN, I thought much better of you... How many folks have we droned, how many kids have we killed? Do you think for one second we couldnt wipe them off the map? target every pickup truck with AA mounted on the back of it? I dont have the McCain dinner with these folks, what more do you want? we want assad out, worse then we want these guys gone.
What's more, ISIS' leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has "Qu'ranically authorized" buttpiracy between ISIS fighters in the field! When female chattel and Infidel sex slaves aren't available "on the battlefield", Allah grants war dispensations for poopchutery!
YEAH ISIS ---ITS DEVOLUTION IS ENDLESS!
Sorry, Mr made my rum Toddy too strong.
Miffed;-)
Thank the Lord you're amongst the sane, Miffed.
Just amazing, the number of folks who stick up for the bat shit crazy fuckers determined to destroy all vestiges of civilization while forcing you to bleat to THEIR GOD OF CHOICE, or die, no?
FIFY
Can i work from home and make a crapload of money per week?
Thats the real question
Free ammo.
That one guy's/gal's/sister's/brother's/uncle/aunt/mom/dad/quadriplegic running back seems to do pretty well.
I guess they already have plenty of exploding guys and "Media Savvy Decapitation Specialists".
I have been working on several 'less-than-lethal' methods of making the infidels pay for their crimes. Due to a combination of H2O (and less-lethal combinations), tourists from everywhere could be potentially effected, and only those who are already used to my type of unique attacks are immune.
Please send investment inquiries for this unique opportunity to:
MONTEZUMA
c/o
(your nation's) Embassy, Mexico City
A sponsor 'revenge' message from Monsanto, the world's supplier of GMO beans
After putting in my application, I received a form letter. My response:
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi
Caliph
412A Farouk Blvd
Fallujah, BA 04109-8756
Dear Mr. al-Baghdadi:
Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant head disposal specialist position in your organization.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite the Caliphate's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in
rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of head disposal specialist in your organization this August. I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.
Sincerely, Jxxxx Sxxxxxxx
The US government provides a wonderful template. After all: hackers, use of media producers and control of the masses via communication outlets, it all works.
I had to look up munshid. Seems like thay are in the new star business.
http://www.thenational.ae/arts-lifestyle/television/the-lowdown-on-the-l...
Possible working titles:
Beheading with the stars...
Jihadi idol...
isis got talent..
Keeping Up With The Koraninites!
It's in the Yiddish-American dictionary.
Right next to 'Messhuginah'.
Real Zoujahs of ISIS- You watch the show and try to figure out which burka covered woman goes with which Cali-fighter. Hilarity ensues when the women change clothes with one another during events like "The Burka Game."
Teen Ummu- A show about the women of ISIS raising their children. Teen Ummu is determined to be doubly redundant by the end of the series.
Big Akh- A group dubbed as "Cali-fighters," live together in specially constructed large roaming tribes. They are isolated from the outside world and are not commonly aware of outside events. They are under observation at all times, making sure that they strictly adhere to the rules of the Caliphite. They kill those who fail to follow the rules. The last Cali-fighter alive, wins.
The Persian Gulf-The show debuted amid large amounts of controversy regarding the use of the words "s@nd nigger", "rag-heads," portrayals of middle eastern stereotypes, and scrutiny from locals because the cast members were not residents of the area.The series' cast have also been credited with introducing unique lexicon and phrases into middle eastern popular culture.
As in "rules for a knife fight?"
I want to know what benefits they are offering.....
For example, if I lose my head in a car accident, versus in a fight with ISIS enemies, do I still get 70 virgins?
And when they take head count (heh, heh, heh) after a campaign against non-Isrealites, is it OK if I bring a bag of foreskins instead of a bag of heads?
Finally - what's the 401K look like? Do I get whacked for early withdrawal?
Next big tech IPO?
They definitely have a better business model than Uber.
Looks like they are trying to hack into main stream media to deliver
Beheadings live to the folks? Might improve on the existing "reality shows".
What's a "tweep"? Like a twink?
Sorry I looked it up.
A "tweep" is a Twitter user who is a rookie or a novice by virtue of their low number of tweets. It is also someone on the bottom of the Twitter hierarchy.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Tweeps
Yes. It come from the "beeping" noise he makes when he backs into "the" room dressesed as a young girl.
Ref: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bacha_bazi
The Taliban are against it; I am starting to see some of their appeal to the locals.
I demand British MPs thouroughly investigate this 'tweeping' business using whatever resources the nation has at its disposal.
They must get to the bottom of these vulnerable little boys affairs once and for all.
A 'tweep' is like a 'twinkie' (combined with a 'twerker'), who is still inexperienced.
PAST iterations would include 'DWEEB', 'LOSER', and 'NERD'. OTHER iterations would be 'FREAK', etcetera.
Kikes always have 'neat' expressions; don't you think?
Are they paying in gold ?
Yes...but you'll have to pick the food out of the fillings yourself.
Sign here_________ ;-)
Snorting loudly
You're one sick puppy, y'know?
Beautiful. I especially love the subtle Arab/Nazi illusion
http://www.danielpipes.org/comments/163591
Send your resume to
Eric Holder
C/O US Dept of Justice
All you crisis actors, ex-cons, satanist stooges, and minions et al. who help contribute to the the big fraud and are working for ISIS and their global affiliates you better start polishing up your resumes. Oh and your weapons as well and prepare to defend yourself against the upcoming slew of mysterious suicides by self-inflicted nail guns etc.
It looks like your loyal brothers in arms are going 100% CGI for the fraudulent false flags of the future. Which means they're selling you out
And it also means you will now be 100% expendable
We hope you enjoyed your ride on the big electron and look forward to seeing you here again soon. Based on your actions and who you chose to align yourself with this time you are destined for a round trip right back here to do it all over again until you get it right
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvz9uSK3zXo
Batman, one of the Novorussia separatists' commanders, is dead. Murdered on the road by ... unknown gunmen by using termobaric grenades. All of his men died with him on place.
Terrible pictures, be cautious: http://dnr-news.com/dnr/11267-betmen-ubit-pod-lutugino.html
http://rt.com/usa/219491-kkk-billboard-arkansas-racism/
Netanyahu: Israel 'won't let its soldiers be dragged' to ICChttp://rt.com/news/219735-israel-soldiers-icc-netanyahu/
‘Bro’s in arms: Obama-Cameron ‘special relationship’ gets even friendlierhttp://rt.com/uk/219751-cameron-obama-bro-relationship/
Cops turn backs on NYC mayor once more at slain officer’s wake (PHOTOS)http://rt.com/usa/219767-funeral-nyc-cops-backs/
Russia is also hiring
Foreign Legion: Contactors from abroad allowed to serve in Russian army
http://rt.com/news/219563-putin-army-foreigners-contractors/
And about the fillings...what do you think from where did the gold for BIS http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bank_for_International_Settlements came from ?
Take a look, it is intresting video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=veQfroRUWdM
April 4, 2012
Decades of deceitful motion pictures have done much to produce a misinformed and compliant American public. A notable example of such film deceit is “Mission to Moscow,” a major Hollywood production made with White House backing, that portrays Soviet dictator Stalin and the Soviet Russian regime as benevlolent, peace-loving and trustworthy. Another good example is the “Why We Fight” series of documentary-style films produced by the US War Department, which have been viewed by millions. Made during World War II, these seven films use staged scenes and fake quotations to present a grossly distorted view of history and the world. Along with countless other motion pictures that likewise reflect the outlook and agenda of those who hold power in the US, these productoins promote dangerous falsehoods about modern history, including the “big lie” claim that Hitler and Third Reich Germany were bent on world conquest.April 18, 2012
Third Reich Germany was a world leader in public health policy and medical research. The regime’s “war on cancer,” for example, was the most vigorous anywhere, and included restrictions on the use of asbestos, bans on carcinogenic pesticides and food dyes, and restrictions on public smoking and cigarette advertising. Years ahead of their colleagues in the US, Third Reich researchers were the first to prove definitively that smoking was the major cause of lung cancer. Hitler’s Germany was also a pioneer in promoting healthier and better quality foods, environmentalism, holistic medicine, animal welfare, and healthier living generally. Such “progressive” and socially beneficial measures were a reflection of the country’s National Socialist world view. Decades of malicious propaganda and deceitful “education,” especially in the US, have inhibited awareness of these and other Third Reich achievements. http://reasonradionetwork.com/20120418/the-mark-weber-report-public-heal... http://reasonradionetwork.com/20120404/the-mark-weber-report-lies-and-de...I'll see your "Hollywood Dino-Expendables 2" and raise you my "Expendables 3".
They should advertise for CIA agents like China does on the American Chinese cable channel. Although, they probably have too many of those as it is.
Knowledge of hebrew helpful.
Is this a fucking joke?
Please send all resumes to
1000 Colonial Farm Road
McLean, VA 22101
Wow, that Rami twitter feed is...insane.
And you guys said Bathhouse Barry can't create jobs
Pretty much a perfect comment.
Carry on.
There's only one reason why U.S. forces are going to enter Iraq once again.ISIS has a large amount of nuclear waste left over from the former dictators days.The U.S. Government is paranoid about these radioactive products being used in a "dirty bomb". A lot of sophisticated weaponary has been captured by ISIS and the technology is being exploited.The U.S doesn't really care about anything else this time and that will be the mission.
most of the radioactive material is in artillery rounds fired by the USA, the metal is extra heavy, although it is blamed for causing Gulf War syndrome, the VA categorically denies that claim
They're hiring munchkins?
ISIS Headhunter videos have been out for a while.
damn, all I lack are beheading skills
Technically, not too difficult.
The big trick is sleeping nights.
How long do I have to serve before I'm granted Israeli citizenship?
How odd...the same jobs were posted on the jobs board at the Langley head office, internals getting preference over externals for all positions.
No mention of a relocation package. I suppose most of the work could be done from home.
Do they offer a 401k match?
Get to work Mr. Bullard!
the buzz tonight is that ISIS is going to fill the US void in Afghanistan, fill the void, get it?
Void filling occurs every Thursday night in Muslim countries.
They left one off:
Pussy faggot that kills unarmed women and children
Like the US drone operators?
How are their benefits? Do you get medical insurance or do you have to go on Obamacare? What is their mandatory "retirement" age? Media tweeps -- Isn't everyone that works for MSM a tweep?
I suppose they can match the minimum wage, set by Hussein Obanana & pay at least $15.
Hey I have probably worked for worse people. #BigCorporations
Please apply in person, CIA Headquarters Langley, VA
They are short of Americans to behead?
One significant difference between ISIS and the USA is that ISIS appears to have competent leadership.
A wholly owned subsidiary of Academi LLC!
recovery bitchez!
Not would I wouild call a good lomg term career choice.
Benefit package does include 72 virgins, though. Er, in paradise, which will be forthcoming shortly.