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Days After Zero Hedge Report Of Its Plunging Ratings, CNBC Stops Using Nielsen

Tyler Durden's picture




 

It was less than a week ago when Zero Hedge broke the news that for CNBC, 2014 Was The Worst. Year. Ever.

Much to the embarrassment of CNBC, its staunch defender David Rosenberg, and not to mention its advertisers who realized they overspent substantially for the reach they were promised and received instead, the report promptly went viral.

Rosenberg himself said, when referring to the report, that "Now they [Zero Hedge] have turned their attention to CNBC. I think these guys should subject themselves to a New Year’s resolution: show respect because there are in fact two sides to every debate."

Thanks for the advice, but we will actually continue doing precisely what we do: exposing lies, stupidity and fraud pretty much anywhere we see it. Here's why: five days after our Nielsen-sourced report before the Comcast-owned channel announced it would no longer be subject to the humiliation of Zero Hedge periodically revealing its crashing viewership and, as WSJ revealed today, "CNBC will no longer rely on TV ratings specialist Nielsen to measure its daytime audience, beginning later this year. Instead, it has retained marketing and research firm Cogent Reports for the task."

Two words: "seasonal adjustments"?

A few more words: why rely on a uniform, universally-accepted rating methodology when one can come up with one's own, bought and paid for "adjusted" ratings.

And here are CNBC's own words on why it is doing the stunning move which validates that its viewereship is indeed as low as it could get before the pain for Comcast became unbearable:

For years CNBC and its parent company, Comcast Corp. ’s NBCUniversal, have complained that Nielsen underreports the size and wealth of its audience by failing to track “out of home” viewing in places such as offices and airports.

 

CNBC’s switch to Cogent is the latest barb for Nielsen, which has faced criticism from media companies that it has been slow to adapt its traditional ratings to changing media consumption habits. While many media companies say they are frustrated with Nielsen, CNBC is the first network to opt out of its ratings.

Zero Hedge readers already know the facts. Here they are from the WSJ:

CNBC’s daytime Nielsen ratings, which always have been relatively small, have fallen sharply over the past decade. In 2014—its least-watched year since 1995—CNBC had an average audience of 177,000 people from the hours of 9:30 a.m. and 5 p.m., according to Nielsen. That is down 17% from an average of 214,000 viewers in 2004, and it is a drop of 13% from 2013.

It has gotten so bad WSJ is now actively losing leverage, and money, when discussing ads: "Executives at CNBC said they were leaving money on the table with advertisers and they needed to make a change. “Nielsen has never measured us accurately,” said CNBC President Mark Hoffman. “If we can’t count the people the right way we can’t get paid the right way.”"

For those who are unaware, Nielsen generates ratings from a panel of sample households, and those ratings are the currency used by networks and advertisers to determine the value of TV commercials. Which means that the simplest solution is the right one: households no longer watch CNBC for a whole host of reasons. But that is unacceptable, so time to change the methodology, and the ratings provider.

The CNBC arrangement marks the first time Cogent Reports, a unit of Market Strategies International, will be measuring the audience of a TV network. Cogent ratings will be used starting in the fourth quarter of 2015. The company will survey over 1,000 investors and financial advisers on their media habits during the day and use that data to provide ratings for CNBC.

 

“We talk to people once a week and ask them to report out their behavior,” said Christy White, managing director of Cogent Reports. Ms. White said many of CNBC’s advertisers are also Cogent clients. “They know and use and trust our data,” she said.

And then we send CNBC the invoice for the monthly "rating"?

How are CNBC's two main competitors handling the situation?  Bloomberg TV isn’t measured by Nielsen, and never has been. Fox Business is measured by Nielsen and has no plans to change.

“Bloomberg has the most influential audience any cable TV network delivers,” Bloomberg Television said. “We’ve expanded our distribution to reach viewers on whatever platform they prefer.”

 

Explaining why Fox Business Network continues with Nielsen, Paul Rittenberg, executive vice president of advertising for the channel, said, “Only using the numbers you like is a little tough to sell.”

But the biggest trick will be convincing advertisers themselves why CNBC is changing the methodology. Needless to say, in a time when everything is moving to "native advertising" and distributed content, it will have a very tought time.

CNBC will still guarantee a rating to advertisers when it switches to Cogent, but it will need to persuade Madison Avenue’s advertising agencies that the numbers are trustworthy.

 

“Agencies have realized there is a lot of smart research out there that allows you to do business other than Nielsen,” said Sam Armando, a senior vice president at Starcom MediaVest Group Exchange, a media-buying firm. “We will definitely put it through the ringer to make sure what they are doing is sound and usable.”

Completing the picture is CNBC parent Comcast, which two months ago itself admitted advertising revenue is sliding rapidly.

Curious why Q3 revenue at the NBCUniversal segment of which CNBC is
part of at Comcast remained unchanged at $2.255 billion compared to
($2.239 billion in Q3 2013), and why advertising revenue actually dropped by a lofty 4.6% in the quarter compared to a year ago?

Let's find out from the source, shall we. Here is the explanation from the company's earnings release: "For the third quarter of 2014, revenue from the Cable Networks
segment increased 0.7% to $2.3 billion compared to $2.2 billion in the
third quarter of 2013, reflecting a 5.1% increase in distribution
revenue, partially offset by a 4.6% decline in advertising revenue, primarily due to a decline in ratings."

Expect this trend to accelerate sharply in the current quarter.

Luckily, there is always hope that the future brings better ratings. Here is how CNBC is approaching that, via PageSix:

CNBC is trying to find a new audience on gay hookup app Grindr after ratings for the business channel fell to a historic low.

 

 

While the NBCUniversal-owned network’s audience has traditionally been Wall Street bankers and avid watchers of the financial markets, after a huge drop in ratings in 2014, television industry insiders are joking that CNBC is now being more creative about attracting hot new viewers.

 

It is currently running a banner ad for the “All-new CNBC app for iPhone & iPad” on Grindr, which helps users find available gay, bi or curious guys locally.

 

CNBC’s shiny app features a smiling picture of Carl Quintanilla, but bears little resemblance to Grindr’s app and its somewhat semiclad users with catchy profile names like “PreppyJockDad.”

Good luck CNBC.

 

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Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:58 | 5627449 SandiaMan
SandiaMan's picture

That'll get the ratings up!

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:03 | 5627469 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

When the numbers run against you fudge the numbers. Works every time for those who are desperate to see good numbers.

<How humiliating is it for Wall Street to be putting up record numbers and be met with indifference?>

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:03 | 5627479 cossack55
cossack55's picture

Isn't Cogent a rating agency for GS and JPM?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:03 | 5627481 PartysOver
PartysOver's picture

Ah yes, the Ostrich effect.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:09 | 5627521 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

Oh sh!t.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:15 | 5627531 The Juggernaut
The Juggernaut's picture

TV ratings specialist Nielsen was the only way I knew CNBC was still a channel! Thank you Nielson! Also, Jim Cramer sounds like  Bobcat Goldthwait  caught in a blender. 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:16 | 5627553 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

Cogent may have industry respect but to get those numbers you really want contract with BLS

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:21 | 5627581 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

First thing I would do at CNBC is a little "addition by subtraction" and ditch that hand-waving idiot Cramer.  Even if he still has any viewers (doubtful), I think the whole "I know everything but still lose money for people who watch me" routine is wearing a little thin.  Frankly, I can't believe they haven't been sued over his moronic advice yet.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:29 | 5627607 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture

 

 

 

 

What's CNBC?

 

 

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:42 | 5627669 Keyser
Keyser's picture

TFF, the chief clown is on CNBC right now justifying their changing rating companies... Cramer's logic, Neilson can't gauge how many CEOs are tuned into CNBC... You can't make this shit up... 

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:50 | 5627697 Whoa Dammit
Whoa Dammit's picture

The ratings aren't bad if they are never reported.

Full Soviet!

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:53 | 5627714 Fish Gone Bad
Fish Gone Bad's picture

Cramer is a manipulative tool. 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:02 | 5627744 Fun Facts
Fun Facts's picture

Cramer is for sale to the highest bidder.

Starting to look more and more like Alan Dershowitz too.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:38 | 5627910 froze25
froze25's picture

You know Gay people refer to those gay people that use those sites as "gutter trash"

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:00 | 5628007 tarsubil
tarsubil's picture

The last I heard was something like 80% of them use it. Public health wants to advertise prevention services on there because the use is so high and universal among that group.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:04 | 5628024 MillionDollarBogus_
MillionDollarBogus_'s picture

CNBC Ratings Drop to 21 Year Low
 
Posted By: Mark MelinPosted date: September 05, 2014 04:30:46

It’s hard to exactly determine why CNBC’s viewership is bouncing around near all time lows along with its revenue, but as the recent Nielsen Ratings demonstrate there could be a problem in what some consider the land of Wall Street gloss and cheerleading.

http://www.valuewalk.com/2014/09/cnbc-ratings-drop-21-year-low/

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 20:15 | 5630536 Keyser
Keyser's picture

The only thing that will bolster CNBC ratings is if all on-air females were required to wear leather and latex... 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 21:03 | 5630728 Larry Dallas
Larry Dallas's picture

Um No. Sue Herera looks like she's eaten her adopted kids. No need for that.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:09 | 5628031 Supernova Born
Supernova Born's picture

edit

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:24 | 5628094 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

cnBSc - the station for 82 year old ED affected pensioners targeted by Extenz & "Ask Chuck" commercials (along with late night Shake Weight infomercials).

...with a viewership bases of 102,000 (lower than public access channels).

At least bring Beaker back along with airing those commercials conning American Evangelicals into donating money to Israelis.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 20:26 | 5630578 August
August's picture

>>>The last I heard was something like 80% of them use it.

But there is zero discordance between froze25's satement and your own.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 13:09 | 5628361 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

If they got Kernan to adopt some new roadkill for his head perhaps the ratings would go up or at the very least he'd grow some new majick hair.

hahahahah

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 20:20 | 5630547 Keyser
Keyser's picture

Kernan is a reptile shape-shifter... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTgADBk8oCE

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:54 | 5627715 JRobby
JRobby's picture

Nielsen is very expensive to begin with. Especially so if you wish to see improving numbers through the "advanced analysis" they offer....................

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 13:06 | 5628351 Paveway IV
Paveway IV's picture

Comcast is tops on my 'most hated companies' list - mostly because they a monopoly broadband provider in so many areas and they spy on their internet user's traffic. 

I have to ask why in hell any Comcast-related company uses that fossil, Neilson, for anything nowdays. Comcast cable TV is two-way almost everywhere. They can tell which channel your set-top box is tuned to and when you change channels. It should be easy to get that information for marketing intel, but then I'm probably assuming way too much basic technical capability for those clowns. 

Does Neilson still try to get people to use some kind of boxes or did they go back to phone surveys?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:59 | 5627735 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

 

 

 

C = Can

N = Never

B = Buy

C = Cred

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:24 | 5628098 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

aka the BlowHorn...

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:57 | 5627720 Richard Chesler
Richard Chesler's picture

All lies all the time.

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:34 | 5627637 Save_America1st
Save_America1st's picture

CNBS will be at the top of the(ir) ratings in no time now!  It's like adjusting GDP and unemployment numbers.  Piece 'o cake.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:22 | 5627585 Stackers
Stackers's picture

Congrats Tyler. You have now been promoted to the ranks of "they", "some people", "others", and "these guys" often quoted by the media as expert opinions

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:18 | 5627575 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

They should add more game shows.

Financial based shows might work.

Like before the market opens on Monday morning 5 girls in bikinis each pick one stock for the week and after the close on Friday, whoever does best gets to keep the bikini on and the other 4 have to lose their bikinis.

Whoever finishes last not only loses her bikini but has to cram her vajay-jay into Cram-er's face. I think this could help ratings.

I know I would watch.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:42 | 5628207 SickDollar
SickDollar's picture

they should have some BTFD commercials/ games too

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:20 | 5627577 SafelyGraze
SafelyGraze's picture

friendly tip for cnbc:

1. limit survey to households that watch cnbc

2. extrapolate

you will find that this methodological approach generates the figures you need for your endeavors

hugs,
bls 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:49 | 5627944 Tebow
Tebow's picture

Now that is some funny shit! Spot on.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:55 | 5627963 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

I always enjoy your comments.

They are a little nuts, and always irreverant.   Perfect;)

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:18 | 5627571 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

Crap, Nothing But Craps Seaonal Rating Revision in 3, 2, 1....

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:06 | 5627491 linniepar
linniepar's picture

Their website which is work friendly for me, basically,  just grabs zero hedge headlines but then puts their bullshit spin on it. Endless manipulation on ratings won't save you schmucks. Booya! Sell sell sell.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:30 | 5627863 Abitdodgie
Abitdodgie's picture

CNBC have a web site ,wow.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:52 | 5627955 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

Yup, that's exactly what the poor old-school media has become to save research dollars.  And I can confirm that I saw, more than once, one of the morning anchors accessing ZH for 'updates' to a few stories.

The channel is broken, the model outdated,  the formula weak.  Of course, if the market were free, they would have been dead years ago.  The control freaks in power have big problems facing reality.

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 18:48 | 5630243 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Nielsen is just too Egan-Jonesish for CNBC.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 18:22 | 5630073 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

Strangely enough, my employers (VicHealth) block everything (even US / UK / EU National Health / Professional sites), especially under generic log-ins (so-called "kiosk" computers), Yet - ZH is available on ALL machines.

Makes you wonder a little doesn't it, especially seeing as the Network is managed by an ostensibly "US Contractor" . . . . .

Not that I'm complaining - certainly helps tp "Spread the Good Word" to the as-yet "unconverted"!!

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:28 | 5627609 de3de8
de3de8's picture

Just like the gov't

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:23 | 5628096 scrappy
scrappy's picture

They are a very fishy fishy group cossack55.

Veronis, Suhler & Associatesled me to...

Related Identities

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:26 | 5628103 scrappy
scrappy's picture

http://worldcat.org/identities/np-kivijarv,%20leo/

A rhetorical movement study : the Estonian Nationalism Movement by Leo Kivijarv ( Book )

 

The Iran crisis and international law : proceedings of the John Bassett Moore Society of International Law symposium on Iran Author: Robert D Steele; James P Rutherfurd
Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:26 | 5628106 scrappy
scrappy's picture
World War II

With the outbreak of war between Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union in 1941, many nationalists in Estonia thought that they would have an opportunity to create an independent country once again, and collaborated with Nazi administration and military units. However, the German treatment of the local population quickly put an end to this.[8]

The Estonian partisans was a military group that took up arms first against the Nazis and later against the Soviets. Interestingly, the Estonian partisans were not only ethnic Estonians, but also Ingrians, Latvians, Russians, and Jews.[9] During World War II, the Estonian partisans fought against the German, and Soviet forces. After the Second World War, Estonian partisans took actions directed against Soviet rule within Estonia. Many members of the Estonian partisans saw themselves as the armed wing of the Estonian people in its struggle for Estonian independence.[10]

Estonian partisans maintains a prominent and symbolic role in Estonian history and the quest for Estonian independence.[11] At the same time it was deemed an insurgent or terrorist group by Soviet historiography.[11]

Niall Ferguson writes that around 2,000 Jews and Romani people were murdered then by Estonian nationalists.[12] Norman Davies in his book "No Simple Victory: World War II in Europe, 1939-1945" puts the number of murdered Estonian civilians at between 20,000 and 50,000.[citation needed]

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:26 | 5628111 scrappy
scrappy's picture

Shit Stirers?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:07 | 5627506 unrulian
unrulian's picture

Grinder seems like a perfect place to advertise considering their blatant over use of hash tags

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:23 | 5627596 knukles
knukles's picture

I had to stop and think about that "Grinder" thingamajig for a moment but now I get it.
face in hands crying softly praying for the Rapture... don't worry, John Nelson Darby was just a crank

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:10 | 5627780 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Now, how many viewers will Cogent count per bath-house?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:57 | 5627986 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Going for the crisco crowd.

Seems like a good match.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 18:26 | 5630096 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

Tempted to "Google" that one - but didn't! Put 2 and 2 together and the result was "DON'T GO THERE, NOT EVER!!"

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:22 | 5627588 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Don't overthink this CD, Junker said it best, "sometimes you have to lie"...

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:45 | 5627677 Dungholio
Dungholio's picture

Works for the gubbermint!

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:18 | 5627820 sTls7
sTls7's picture

The truth hurts, doesn't it.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:20 | 5628086 fockewulf190
fockewulf190's picture

"When the numbers run against you fudge the numbers. Works every time for those who are desperate to see good numbers."

You mean "fudge-pack the numbers."

Kinda looking foward to CNBC advertising on the upcoming "Tribr" app for those lesbo, bi and curious gals. Mandy and Sarah pressed together on a banner ad should get the needed results.

Wed, 01/07/2015 - 02:56 | 5631460 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

How does anyone "measure" what someone is watching in an airport or other public place?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:05 | 5627473 Haus-Targaryen
Haus-Targaryen's picture

Ba---ba---ba----ba----ba----BOOOO YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Fuck you Cramer.  

 

Who here wants to bet the Grinder idea was his? 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:26 | 5627549 Sisyphus
Sisyphus's picture

Two questions:

Does that mean David Rosenberg will have a new question for Cramer, I mean his clients?

Does this also mean that Carl "Before we let you go, is it fun being a billionaire.?" Quintanilla is coming out of the closet?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:30 | 5627613 ghostzapper
ghostzapper's picture

Grindr was the natural move to make in transition after viewers no longer were able to see Liesman suck off Bernanke a few times a year.

Don't worry all you geniuses at CNBC - things will perk up the ratings death spiral is "transitory". 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:01 | 5627748 Whoa Dammit
Whoa Dammit's picture

Plus I hear they are hiring the former CEO of Penney's to bring CNBC out of the ratings closet.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:05 | 5627489 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture

 

 

And if that doesn't work, they can try Viagra...

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:06 | 5627501 Haus-Targaryen
Haus-Targaryen's picture

I'm Bob Dole and I approve this message. 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:08 | 5627508 dirtyfiles
dirtyfiles's picture

actually it shows how effective the ZH news is...good work ZH

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:13 | 5627539 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

"Nobody goes to Zero Hedge any more.  It's always too crowded."

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:20 | 5627586 stant
stant's picture

I want a zero hedge channel , hosted by my fav posters here. With back ground by wb7

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:32 | 5627631 de3de8
de3de8's picture

Stant,
Would have to be X rated!

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:39 | 5627659 stant
stant's picture

Oh but the possibilities!!

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:01 | 5627746 Fish Gone Bad
Fish Gone Bad's picture

I had to laugh.  Remember when RoboTrader would put up all the hotties?  There was even a link (or two) to a few high end escort services. 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 18:30 | 5630129 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

Well seeing as the Tylers were always running sidebar ads for Anastasia Date, DateAsia, and almost every other Asian / Ukrainian / Russian Dating Agency, your wish might be (potentially) granted.

Nowadays my ads seem to be restricted to Sigma-Aldrich, Fishpond, Origin Energy, Kathmandu and Mathers Shoes, so maybe not so exciting??

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:17 | 5627812 gaoptimize
gaoptimize's picture

Actually, I want an alt conservative news channel with an hour long Zerohedge show in prime time.  For the last month, I have not missed seeing Rove, various RINOs, neocon war mongers, and appologists for the surveillance state, as Fox news was dropped from DISH network.  There is NewsMax, but it is unprofessional and they had a Boehner supporter (Rep NC) on last night that almost made me vomit.

I hear Alex Jones is equipped and things are in motion.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 13:29 | 5628536 nowhereman
nowhereman's picture

OK, so here's someone who actually admits to watching this shit,  of course for research purposes only :)

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:23 | 5627595 Keyser
Keyser's picture

+1 for independent media... Between ZH and Drudge, TPTB must be planning some more suicides...

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:02 | 5627752 Fish Gone Bad
Fish Gone Bad's picture

TPTB must be planning some more suicides...

Suicide by nail gun is really pretty artsy.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:15 | 5628062 Ms. Erable
Ms. Erable's picture

Yeah, but shooting yourself in the back of the head twice takes real talent.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:32 | 5628127 fockewulf190
fockewulf190's picture

"Suicide by nail gun is really pretty artsy."

Nah man, the novelty has worn off a bit. I'm waiting for the hand crossbow to make it's debute.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:12 | 5627543 post turtle saver
post turtle saver's picture

"tell us what we want to hear, not what we need to hear"... typical...

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:53 | 5627967 j0nx
j0nx's picture

Guess cogent propagandizes better than nielsen. Welcome to 1977 USSR right here in the states.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:00 | 5627454 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

They announced this morning that the early morning program is moving to a studio in NYC tomorrow.  Wonder if they got evicted from Jersey?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:01 | 5627467 knukles
knukles's picture

#handsupiquit

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:04 | 5627483 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Chris Christie's chest bumping back slapping romp with Jerry Jones was the last straw. Time to leave NJ.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:18 | 5627574 knukles
knukles's picture

Oh Cog.  You silly.   That was simply Christe's subtle presidential campaign reach around to the gay community telegraphed via the allusion to Cowboys and Brokeback Mountain.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:26 | 5627597 Keyser
Keyser's picture

Not to mention courting Jerry Jones' wallet... 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:13 | 5627791 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

He looked like a giant Jersey tomato in that sweater.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:59 | 5627458 Never One Roach
Never One Roach's picture

They're in negotiations with the BLS to 'do their numbers the right way.'

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:05 | 5627485 Legolas
Legolas's picture

Missed your post.  Nice to know there are others who think alike though.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:00 | 5627462 knukles
knukles's picture

Probably same guys made the decision to shut down the radiation monitors and fish inspections after Fuckushittinme
Booyah! 
Cheap oil energy independence, job creation, equality, fraternity, Ferguson and Happy Days are Here Again
If you like your cancer, you get to keep your cancer for 2 more years.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:00 | 5627463 Falling Down
Falling Down's picture

Queer eye for the financial guy.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:05 | 5627497 thatthingcanfly
thatthingcanfly's picture

You had me at "preppyjockdad."

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:02 | 5627471 Glass Seagull
Glass Seagull's picture

 

 

Move the goalposts. 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:01 | 5627472 the6thBook
the6thBook's picture

When you don't get the results you like, change the ruler...

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:06 | 5627509 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture

 

 

Like when the Fed stopped publishing M3?

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:33 | 5627634 GRDguy
GRDguy's picture

"The final (GOFO) rates will be published on Friday, January 30."  The LBMA gettin' tired of reporting negative rates. Too much information for outsiders.


Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:22 | 5627591 Sisyphus
Sisyphus's picture

Or
“When it becomes serious, you have to lie.”

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:24 | 5627593 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

CNBC were envious of the "people and firms" they "report" on, continually changing the ruler.  So CNBC decided to do same....

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:02 | 5627478 Legolas
Legolas's picture

Why don't they contract with the Bureau of Labor Statistics?  If they want unicorns and skittles, that's the gang to hire !

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:09 | 5627516 Mike Honcho
Mike Honcho's picture

Dude they blurred out your face, this close to 15 minutes of fab fame.

 

If the government does it, so should its mouthpiece.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:04 | 5627484 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

Oh cool so now we'll have manipulated viewer ratings.  Personally i'm shocked they already didn't 'fix' all that before it was reported. 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:20 | 5627584 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Gotta have their favorites on TV baby!

One viewer is the clown who paid for that.

Of course when you can watch reality itself transpire what other content is there?

Other than chaos of course....

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:06 | 5627487 youngman
youngman's picture

And Moving to New York......just forget about the rest of the country...we dont matter....its all about the tribe in New York...it will turn into a Bloomberg...all New York all the time...the rest of country is forgotten..

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:08 | 5627488 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

Begs the question...

Will 'Jimmah' and "Stevie Lie" now use this coup de grace to follow Ms. Fartoromo out the door!

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:15 | 5627537 j.tennquist
j.tennquist's picture

Why the hostility towards Maria Bartiromo?  At least she and Erin and Becky were good looking.

If they reported financial news in the nude, they would have been the highest rated outlet on the planet. It still would have been bullshit, but titilating bullshit.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:16 | 5627556 NoDebt
NoDebt's picture

Attitude counts for a lot.  Imagine the sad sack that's married to Maria.  Could you imagine what it must be like in that house?  The screechy voice yelling at you to take out the trash, get your feet off the coffee table, stop cumming in her hair, etc.  Absolute hell.

Wait, what did I just say?

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:21 | 5627582 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

"The screechy voice yelling at you to take out the trash, get your feet off the coffee table, stop cumming in her hair, etc.  Absolute hell."...

Just spilled coffee all over my lap on that one.

Thx for helping start the morning off right with a laugh!

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:58 | 5628291 TalkToLind
TalkToLind's picture

And what about when she's all up in the private jet with some other dude?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:05 | 5627493 _SILENCER
_SILENCER's picture

Well, that's a great sign. All TV "news" needs to just roll over and die. Who in purple fuck wants to watch a bunch of Statist asshats run their mouths on the idiot lantern?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:05 | 5627495 rsnoble
rsnoble's picture

"And now that we've lied to you about the economic prosperity in the US, please stay tuned for how to suck off your bf without getting AIDS."

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:06 | 5627496 j.tennquist
j.tennquist's picture

Everything Comcast touches is debased beyond redemption.

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:09 | 5627502 Keltner Channel Surf
Keltner Channel Surf's picture

Long suffering viewers have their own versions of the beloved CNBC acronym:

Criminally Neglecting Bearish Coverage
Can Never Beat Cartoons
Channel Nuzzles Buffett Continuously
Christ, Nix Bartiromo’s Chirping!
Consequently, Now Bloomberg’s Cool

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:06 | 5627505 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Those Advertisers deserve to get raped by Cramer. 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:07 | 5627507 Hamm Jamm
Hamm Jamm's picture

A TURD WILL ALWAY FIND A WAY TO FLOAT UP !

 

 

flush this MFer down, its stinking, real bad !

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:06 | 5627510 Smuckers
Smuckers's picture

I didn't know it was suddenly vogue to watch CNBC from the airport. 
Silly me, opting to watch "Happy Gilmore" for the 23rd time.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:09 | 5627511 agstacks
agstacks's picture

<CNBC Headquarters War Room- CNBC and Cogent CEO's present>

"I think we should take a step back and define what a "viewer" really is, guys. Perhaps we should weight the viewers.  Surley, somone with 50 million in investments should count more than your mom and pop investor."

 

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:08 | 5627513 Squid Viscous
Squid Viscous's picture

Cramer is unfairly penalized by Nielsen not measuring the mobile home viewers.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:28 | 5627603 Sixdeuce062
Sixdeuce062's picture

who or what is the cramer?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:07 | 5627514 ShorTed
ShorTed's picture

One small step for non-crony capitalism.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:07 | 5627517 djsmps
djsmps's picture

I'll bet they will be number one!

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:08 | 5627518 Billy Shears
Billy Shears's picture

"Cogent" Reports? Edward Bernays would be proud!

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:34 | 5628144 scrappy
scrappy's picture
Full Definition of COGENT 1 :  having power to compel or constrain <cogent forces> 2 a :  appealing forcibly to the mind or reason :  convincing <cogent evidence>  

b :  pertinent, relevant <a cogent analysis>

co·gent·ly adverb
Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:08 | 5627519 Vincent Vega
Vincent Vega's picture

Algo's don't watch TV.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:22 | 5627592 Rainman
Rainman's picture

+1   ( the phony ' Teen Wolf of Wall Street ' interview was some funny shit, tho )

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:08 | 5627520 aleph0
aleph0's picture

 

Well , that says EVERYTHING you need to know about CNBS.

Thankyou ZH ... for a great start to the day.

 

I would be nice to know who 'Rates' their Website-Clicks as well 
;-)

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:10 | 5627526 Salzburg1756
Salzburg1756's picture

When the dollar finally tanks, CNBC will be the most watched channel on TV.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:11 | 5627532 silverer
silverer's picture

That's a great one. They don't track viewing in airports. WTF? Are they talking about the zombies waiting for a plane with a big screen TV planted squarely in from of all the seats? And who, pray tell, selects the channel they are watching?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:12 | 5627535 i_call_you_my_base
i_call_you_my_base's picture

Right, they've always known it was wrong, but are changing it now when it's down. Sounds legit.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:12 | 5627536 Maplehood
Maplehood's picture

Well that strategy worked with the inflation calculation.  And the jobs data.  And GDP.  

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:13 | 5627540 B2u
B2u's picture

CNBS is still broadcasting?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:13 | 5627546 Katastrofenhausse
Katastrofenhausse's picture

Maybe Preznit Kim Jong Illinois will give em a bailout to kick off Recovery Summer Part VII

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:16 | 5627555 yogibear
yogibear's picture

Their following the Federal Reserve and the BLS. If the real numbers aren't good, change them.

The CNBC policy is don't change the crappy format, change the statistics and cook the real numbers.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:17 | 5627557 alexmark2013
alexmark2013's picture
"Can't time the market so buy our funds, pay us a fee and let us try to do it" http://investmentwatchblog.com/cant-time-the-market-so-buy-our-funds-pay-us-a-fee-and-let-us-try-to-do-it/
Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:17 | 5627564 Fidel Sarcastro
Fidel Sarcastro's picture

LMFAO!  cnBS deserves nothing but derision.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:18 | 5627570 Panic Mode
Panic Mode's picture

So the liar network is following the FED strategy, changing the goal post. Typical.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:20 | 5627572 chomu
chomu's picture

Hire some Playmates and put them through a crash course on the markets. The current crop of ladies just aren't doing it.

There's your damn ratings solution...

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:18 | 5627573 monopoly
monopoly's picture

I don't get it. With an average audience of 177,000 why does Comcast even keep this useless station on the air. Just shut it down, lick your wounds and cut your losses. Few really care anyway. Makes no financial sense to keep cnbc on the air. Never mind the content, which is a different subject. Just looking at the numbers.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 13:14 | 5628428 nowhereman
nowhereman's picture

Could it be because cnbc is a subsidiary of CIA government phsyops.  How can a losing operation stay afloat without government assistance?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:19 | 5627579 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

The should give mr. bove a morning show, that will fix it

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:21 | 5627580 I woke up
I woke up's picture

If their ratings were high I would bet the Nielsen method would be totally acceptable, bunch of clowns

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:21 | 5627590 mijev
mijev's picture

CNBC is just one continuous infommerical for the rancid bullshit that passes for markets these days. I guess it wouldn't occur to them to try and attract more viewers by reporting what's actually going on in the financial world.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:24 | 5627598 RealityCheque
RealityCheque's picture

Why is anyone watching any broadcast TV anymore. Surely we have figured out that its a basically a very blunt mind-control tool?

Make your own channels, ad free, using "other" methods. 

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:30 | 5628121 Freddie
Freddie's picture

TV and Hollywood is for idiots.  You watch it - you support your serfdom like a fool.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:28 | 5627605 hotrod
hotrod's picture

Alibaba said it all.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:30 | 5627615 SillyWabbits
SillyWabbits's picture

CNBC?

Can Numbers Be Changed?

Goldman says, “Yes they can”!

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:31 | 5627619 q99x2
q99x2's picture

They should disconnect their servers from the net and someone should arrest them for spreading propaganda to take over the United States of America.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:31 | 5627621 libertysghost
libertysghost's picture

The remaining advertisers aren't paying for the "viewers"...their paying for the propaganda and endorsements.  But for them it may be getting hard NOT TO PAY UP for their other media buys...you know, the ones they need to get "viewers" on, when they are paying these high rates at CNBS who gets lower ratings.

Maybe the change in "who figures" has more to do with trying to cover the ass of their remianing CNBS "sponsors".  But it's a dead end idea.  But hey...Bloomberg uses what appears to be a similar business model.  

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:30 | 5627625 T-NUTZ
T-NUTZ's picture

the irony!  people no longer want to watch the Fed Cheerleader Channel simply because who needs information when all you have to do is put it all on black?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:30 | 5627626 whoopsing
whoopsing's picture

Excuse me for the outburst , but....AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:30 | 5627627 pazmaker
pazmaker's picture

one word describes this:  HILARIOUS!

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:37 | 5627652 whoopsing
whoopsing's picture

Yes Paz , and made all the funnier when they point their finger  and blame TYLER ? Assholery at it's finest !....Fuckin' burn already...

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:32 | 5627629 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

Thanks for the Link. It makes this article legit as opposed to a lot of this made up BS crap put out as truth and gobbled up as fact around here.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:33 | 5627633 SilverMoneyBags
SilverMoneyBags's picture

CNBC is a propaganda station. People liked to watch it back in the day because they actually reported news on companies and held people's feet to the fire. If they wanted ratings they would get rid of Liesman and guests like Krugman and hire more folks like Santelli.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:40 | 5627666 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

krugman, haha.

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