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Presenting The Nominees For Dumbest Government Of 2014

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Submitted by Simon Black via Sovereign Man blog,

Each year governments around the world seem to compete with one another to come up with the dumbest and worst policies possible. But which one is the stupidest?

The competition is indeed tight as there are just so many terrible entries to consider. But my team and I took some time over the holidays to narrow it down.

We’ll leave it to you to help decide which one should be crowned Dumbest Government of 2014.

In order to cast your vote, leave a comment on our Facebook page, or on Twitter (@thesovereignman #stupidestgov2014), and we’ll release the results later this week.

It is difficult to quantify policy stupidity, as this is one area in which governments can be exceptionally creative. So we’ve decided to set some criteria to help make comparisons.

The two main measurements we look at are greatest damage done to personal freedom and economic activity.

We’re also looking at the biggest relative decline in the past year, not merely the worst government in absolute terms—otherwise North Korea would have topped the list for the past few decades.

This year we’ve seen a significant move in the digital world towards spying, censorship, and limitations of free speech amongst many of the top contestants.

Economies have been destroyed the world over by wars on other countries, wars on free markets, and wars on sound money—increasing volatility and frightening away brains, businesses, and capital.

With that in mind, the nominees are [drumroll]…

1. Russia

Undoubtedly the first country that comes to mind, with its decision to invade Ukraine.

In response, capital has fled and the ruble has plummeted. Over $55 billion in reserves have been used so far to prop up the currency.

The damage to the economy has been so great that Apple alone is now worth more than the entire Russian stock market. (Investors—pay attention to this).

The government has responded with even more stupidity, as it has attempted to crack down on dissent by requiring bloggers to register with the government and most recently banning the use of the word “crisis” in public.

This is a country that has gone from bad to worse with incredible speed this past year, and Russians have some very tough times ahead of them with the economy in severe recession.

2. Venezuela

Failing to foresee the consequences of one’s actions is a common flaw amongst politicians around the world, but with none is it as obvious as in the case of Venezuela’s president, Nicolás Maduro.

Completely ignoring the laws of supply and demand, he imposed strict price controls, which resulted in shortages across the board, including even basic necessities such as toilet paper, flour, cooking oil, and sugar.

In the time since, Venezuela’s government has gone to ludicrous lengths to respond to shortages. They’ve tried everything—except allowing prices to be set freely.

Mr. Maduro has deployed the military to patrol grocery stores, has required people to have numbers on their arms to track their purchases, and has even implemented fingerprinting systems to do the same.

You can tell how poorly mismanaged the country is given that Venezuela, which has some of the top oil reserves in the world, still has to import oil.

And when people poured out into the streets to protest, Maduro’s forces cracked down viciously.

This may have postponed the government’s collapse for now, but Mr. Maduro has ensured that when the day comes, la revolucion will not be peaceful.

3. Argentina

With one of the highest inflation rates in the world right now, at roughly 40%, another economic disaster is the case of Argentina.

Despite officials’ attempts to misrepresent inflation statistics and targeting of economists who try to publish more accurate figures, no one is fooled.

Thanks to the country’s Supply Law introduced earlier this year, companies have been prohibited from setting their prices too high, generating too much profit, or producing too little.

Importers are required to export the same value they import, while currency controls have been enforced by currency-sniffing dogs to prevent capital flight.

Of course let’s not forget that Argentina defaulted on its debt yet again this past summer as well.

4. Thailand

Anyone familiar with the Thai government’s scheme of subsidizing rice purchases from farmers could have told you it would fail. For in the space of a single year, the program cost $12.5 billion to wastefully stockpile 18 million tons of rice that is now rotting away in government warehouses.

Thailand’s position as the world’s leading rice exporter is not the only thing that toppled as a result of this obtuse policy. The country experienced yet another coup when the government was toppled by a military junta back in May.

Shortly thereafter the military imposed martial law.

Stability was regained momentarily, but the country has been on a continuous decline ever since, with increasingly harsh crackdowns on dissenters.

In recent months people have been sentenced to two years in prison for something as innocuous as raising the Hunger Games’ three-finger salute.

5. United States

Last but not least there is of course the United States.

Once thought of as the Land of the Free, the country has now dropped to 12th place in last year’s Economic Freedom of the World Index, behind the United Arab Emirates and Jordan.

Government debt levels soared to unprecedented $18 trillion this November, and nothing is being done about it, with unfunded liabilities well over $200 trillion.

As a percentage of GDP, official debt now exceeds 100%. Of course, the only reason they’re able to run such a prodigious debt is because the rest of the world buys Treasuries and uses US dollars.

So you’d think that the US government would go out of its way to treat the rest of the world with respect and dignity in gratitude for continuing to buy US debt.

But no.

2014 showed the US government taking a giant, steaming dump on the generosity of foreigners, chasing away friend and foe alike.

They were caught spying on their own allies. They extorted foreign banks (a single fine against French bank BNP Paribas totaled $9 BILLION).

They used credit rating agencies as political pawns (downgrading Russia back in April).

They destroyed their own balance sheet and that of the Federal Reserve. (The US is totally insolvent, and on a mark to market basis, the Fed is nearly insolvent).

And they passed insane regulations, then arrogantly commanded the rest of the world to comply.

Most notably, key provisions from the Foreign Account Tax Compliance Act were implemented in 2014.

This law should have never been passed. And they had years to undo it.

It’s amazing how many politicians got worked up about repealing Obamacare, but not a single soul gave a damn about repealing FATCA, the law which will probably be directly responsible for the US losing its status as the world’s dominant banking center.

Oh yeah, that happened too. 2014 saw the rest of the world get fed up. Developing nations led by China banded together to create their own reserve bank to compete directly with the IMF.

Mission accomplished.

—————
So now it’s your turn. Vote which country’s government was the worst last year. Either as a comment on this Facebook post or as a tweet to us with @thesovereignman #stupidestgov2014.

 

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Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:27 | 5627347 buzzardsluck
buzzardsluck's picture

All of them, Alex

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:29 | 5627361 Arius
Arius's picture

Did I miss something? 

 

where is UK Government?   they surely make it to top 5

 

Scotland is coming back ...

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:35 | 5627376 Bioscale
Bioscale's picture

Where the fuck is ISRAEL?

The fucked up israeli jews destroyed a city last year and killed thousands people... just because!

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:22 | 5627589 mattgallis
mattgallis's picture

We Jewed some folks.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:32 | 5627630 fightthepower
fightthepower's picture

Russia didn't invade the Ukraine, the USA did.  You should retract your lie Simon Black. 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:35 | 5627640 N0TME
N0TME's picture

Beat me to it, but thank you.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:32 | 5627875 froze25
froze25's picture

Russia invaded Ukraine? they must have some serous stealth technology.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:10 | 5628041 V in PA
V in PA's picture

All Governments are just Public Relations and Security for banks. Nothing more, nothing less.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 17:05 | 5629662 NoDecaf
NoDecaf's picture

Simon Hack

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:43 | 5628203 Titus
Titus's picture

Seems like everyone in the thread is calling out Simon.

Call out the Tyler's for reposting it.

Tyler?...

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:39 | 5627655 chubbar
chubbar's picture

I stopped reading after #1, Russia invading Ukraine. What's the sense of reading something and assuming it is accurate after that blunder? Complete fail.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:04 | 5627763 Utah_Get_Me_2
Utah_Get_Me_2's picture

Beat me to that comment. This article is a joke.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:32 | 5627876 l8apex
l8apex's picture

Tylers, please proofread Simon's rants.  Russia invading Ukraine?  

I think "Dumbest" in the title is supposed to be replaced with "most evil".  Clearly Obola isn't stupid.  Maduro on the other hand...

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 13:07 | 5628346 Nehweh Gahnin
Nehweh Gahnin's picture

Damn.  I had to log in in order to vote Black's piece as terrible.  I, too, immediately stopped reading at that exact point.  Simon Black = Ed Bernays in this context.  Simple, subtle assertion of the most ridiculous falsehoods, followed by liberal repetition, and idiots all over the world believe that shit.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:03 | 5627757 Max Cynical
Max Cynical's picture

I think Simon is just being neive if he thinks Russia invaded Ukraine. Perhaps he doesn't understand the U.S. role in destabilizing Ukraine.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:42 | 5627922 heywood2
heywood2's picture

If you are going to use the word "naive", you should learn to spell it.

 

Otherwise, you just seem, well.... naive.

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 16:35 | 5629488 Max Cynical
Max Cynical's picture

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 17:32 | 5629823 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

You'll notice that the important things are the first and last letters; the brain "fills in the gaps".

The tendency to "see what you THINK oyu see", not necessarily what is written, can lead to real problems - ask any Pharmacist (who has to somehow translate the illiteracies of Physicians' longhand text . . . . . .  :-)  )

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 17:39 | 5629879 The_Prisoner
The_Prisoner's picture

Precisely.
That is also the case with our reactions to events that happen, or are perceived, to happen around us. Our psychological and karmic patterns provide the frame of reference by which we perceive the world.

Takes real work to change that. And, for this humble traveller, it is an endeavour more worthwhile than chasing fiat.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:00 | 5627990 heywood2
heywood2's picture

Wow, I never cease to be amazed the how the gullibles here swallow every crazy claim that the Russian State puts out.

 

Note to the clueless - at various points in the year, tens of thousands of Russian troops have been in the Ukraine. After the annexation of the Crimea, Russia even told them to put their uniform insignia back on. The US has had less than 100 active-duty military in Ukraine

Note to the clueless - Russia has had hundreds of its soldiers killed in combat in teh Ukraine. The US has lost none.

Note to the clueless - Russia carved off a big chunk of the Ukraine and annexed it. The US did not.

 

Only the professionally deluded could conclude that the US invaded the Ukraine and Russia didn't. So on one hand - I guess that's a success for the Russian State propaganda organs. But on the other hand guys, is there really any value in swaying a bunch of consiracy nuts living in their mothers' basements?

 

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:11 | 5628046 angel_of_joy
angel_of_joy's picture

Hey, grammar school master, what's a "consiracy" ?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:33 | 5628132 Smiddywesson
Smiddywesson's picture

You're right, only a nut would believe the US destilizes other governments and engages in wars for profit, and you are very heroic and wise to stand up on a soap box in your stillettos and shriek that everyone should listen to you rather than history. 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 13:13 | 5628398 The Blank Stare
The Blank Stare's picture

Heywood, take you and your ukrianian nazi murdering raping lying thugs and fuck off.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 13:32 | 5628572 AnarcOmAN@
AnarcOmAN@'s picture

Sir, your understanding of the situation in Ukraine is as atrocious as your spelling. I wouldn't know where to begin to help you understand what has happened, but, nonetheless, I will try.  

Only the professionally deluded could conclude  the US had no involvement in Ukraine. And only an idiot would conclude it was an invasion by the US (so your point of people thinking the USA 'invaded' shows your lack of knowledge of both sides of the argument.) Lets go back to last February, USA installs puppet government via coup de ta. Some history here http://www.alternet.org/world/americas-coup-machine-destroying-democracy..... and here http://www.globalresearch.ca/ukraine-russias-response-to-a-us-eu-sponsor... here is the neocno Newland telling US ambassador to Ukraine who will be in power after the coup, and here is some more http://www.counterpunch.org/2014/03/05/chronology-of-the-ukrainian-coup/

Actually fuck this, too much energy to try an educate a poor benighted fool. Russia has military base in Crimea on lease for then next 20 plus years. Most of eastern Ukraine is ethnic Russian. United states mercenaries and Ukraine military invades cities in eastern Ukraine killing many civilians. 

There are some points of fact. I suggest taking your head out of your ass! 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 13:32 | 5628573 AnarcOmAN@
AnarcOmAN@'s picture

Sir, your understanding of the situation in Ukraine is as atrocious as your spelling. I wouldn't know where to begin to help you understand what has happened, but, nonetheless, I will try.  

Only the professionally deluded could conclude  the US had no involvement in Ukraine. And only an idiot would conclude it was an invasion by the US (so your point of people thinking the USA 'invaded' shows your lack of knowledge of both sides of the argument.) Lets go back to last February, USA installs puppet government via coup de ta. Some history here http://www.alternet.org/world/americas-coup-machine-destroying-democracy..... and here http://www.globalresearch.ca/ukraine-russias-response-to-a-us-eu-sponsor... here is the neocno Newland telling US ambassador to Ukraine who will be in power after the coup, and here is some more http://www.counterpunch.org/2014/03/05/chronology-of-the-ukrainian-coup/

Actually fuck this, too much energy to try an educate a poor benighted fool. Russia has military base in Crimea on lease for then next 20 plus years. Most of eastern Ukraine is ethnic Russian. United states mercenaries and Ukraine military invades cities in eastern Ukraine killing many civilians. 

There are some points of fact. I suggest taking your head out of your ass! 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:17 | 5628075 hot sauce technician
hot sauce technician's picture

They both invaded Ukraine. That you are too dumb to understand this doesn't make Simon black a liar...

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:39 | 5627663 de3de8
de3de8's picture

The U.S. Is always in the mix.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:31 | 5628128 hot sauce technician
hot sauce technician's picture

Simon black is a Zionist agent, therefore he ignores israel to create the impression that it is irrelevant to the global economic situation when in fact it is the prime conspirator along with the nwo Illuminati in the plot to wreck global chaos and depopulate the world. Right?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 15:43 | 5629207 hot sauce technician
hot sauce technician's picture

Uh, that was a /sarc...

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:42 | 5627638 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

Switzerland has to be there, somewhere.  

They have taken a financial system that was the envy of the world; a place where people put money to be treated like precious metals and tied it to a turd circling the bowl...

Or Japan?  Long term suicide discipline should be noticed.

Give them both the credit they are due.

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:42 | 5627671 chubbar
chubbar's picture

Dismantling banking privacy definitely ranks up there with the biggest blunders a country has made this past year. I still don't understand why they bent over for the US and OECD? Somebody got film of the Swiss Leader blowing a bum or something (similar to what they probably have on Obama)?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:52 | 5627693 Doña K
Doña K's picture

Their banks were bailed out by the FED as they have made trillions in Frank denominated loans to eatern European countries.

Hands in the cookie jar. But but..... everyone was doing it.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:49 | 5627696 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

@RaceToTheBottom - Switerland, yeah I agree. I had hoped that the Swiss would be smarter than most, given their history. But the money fueled media propaganda machine works on them, it seems, like it does on the sheeple that make up most of the West.

Propagandist Edward Bernays said that the oligarchs would control the population in 'democracies' by mass media propaganda and he's been correct.

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:49 | 5627938 SWRichmond
SWRichmond's picture

Banking privacy has arguably been key to Switzerland's unique survival.  They have shot themselves in the foot with their SIG rifles.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:58 | 5627730 indygo55
indygo55's picture

Wait a minute Simon. Russia invaded Ukraine? I stopped reading this piece of garbage when I saw that.

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:06 | 5627765 julian_n
julian_n's picture

With Brent Crude dropping like a rock?

 

I don't think so!

 

The rest of the UK politicians are bending over backwards to give Scotland their money - and the Scots are canny enough to know when they are on to a good thing.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:32 | 5627364 knukles
knukles's picture

In order to be politically correct, we should put the black guy first, top of the list.
Now I feel like a Real Progressive.
I need a shower

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:44 | 5627400 Took Red Pill
Took Red Pill's picture

#5 has been causing the chaos with the others

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:40 | 5627386 Bloppy
Bloppy's picture

+1

Media hacks: Obama's improving golf game 'a good omen for 2015'

http://tinyurl.com/pss3ds9


Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:44 | 5627678 chubbar
chubbar's picture

You'd have to be a complete spastic to NOT have an improving game after playing 300 of them over the course of a couple of years! The idiot in chief should be a scratch golfer by now.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:40 | 5627391 Citium
Citium's picture

How about USA invades Ukraine, not Russia invades Crimea. Crimea was on lease to Russia for the next 20 years, not to mention trying to protect Russian people from gruesome killings on behalf of Kiev.

 

Good job as usual Simon "The Hag" Black

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:49 | 5627424 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

don't you mean Sevastopol, the city and naval base?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:19 | 5627578 Dathedr
Dathedr's picture

He said Crimea. Sevastopol never had a referenda, but Crimea did. Twice. You stupid mercenary scum!

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Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:39 | 5627656 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

yes, he wrote Crimea, as in "Crimea was on lease to Russia for the next 20 years". To which I ask again: wasn't it... Sevastopol? The city and base?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:12 | 5627788 corsair
corsair's picture

No, it wasn't just Sevastopol.

According to the agreement signed between Russia and Ukraine in 1999, Russia’s Black Sea Fleet leases a network of over 1,000 naval facilities on the Crimean Peninsula, including the naval base in Sevastopol, two airfields and a training facility in Feodosia.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 15:14 | 5629059 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

Funny how the facts escape good ole Ghordy...

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 22:37 | 5630999 IronForge
IronForge's picture

Thanks, Corsair.

Having a Fleet HQ stationed at a location is one thing.  People tend to forget all the supporting Facilities and Contractors nearby - that are interdependent with the HQ. 

Makes all the more sense to the rational "why" they made steps to bolt from UKR right after the Coupmongers' announcement of "dropping Russian" as an Official Language.

Those in Crimea would have been booted out from the Naval Base and Facilities as they get taken over by the Coupmongers.  Seeing UKR the way it is now, those in Crimea would have been worse off staying in UKR.

Why SovereignMan considers this a Russian Invasion is a demostration of his Gross Conceptual Error and a lack of Critical Reasoing regarding the Situation and its ramifications

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:48 | 5627461 The Wizard
The Wizard's picture

This is why I am suspect of Black and his offering. Anyone who is halfway informed knows the US invaded Ukraine. Crimea was not invaded but carried out a referendum to prevent NATO from moving into its territory.

Crimea is a place where retiring Russian generals go to. Much like Florida is a retiring spot for eastern US. Now why do you think Crimea had a referendum where well over 90% voted to join Russia.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:05 | 5627499 ThirteenthFloor
ThirteenthFloor's picture

Russia invades Ukraine ? Yet US steal 33 tons of Ukraine gold and places ex- department of state people in New Ukraine govt. I stop reading right there Black is quite ill informed and passing his ignorance on.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:10 | 5627523 DavidC
DavidC's picture

I stopped reading his article at the point he wrote 'Russia invades Ukraine'.

DavidC

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:28 | 5627604 cheech_wizard
cheech_wizard's picture

Same here... Guess I'll wander over to his Facebook page and give him some more direct feedback... (A few choice swear words like "farging arsehole" should suffice)

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:26 | 5627601 serotonindumptruck
serotonindumptruck's picture

I stopped reading when I read that.

Some of Simon Black's analysis is insightful and erudite.

This is not one of them.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:38 | 5627648 HardAssets
HardAssets's picture

What a moronic article, starting with his # 1 pick - - -

on the other hand, we do have a pretty good idea who is on the list for the dumbest article writers

One star rating for this one

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:53 | 5627708 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Currently a 1.3 with 46 votes. Possibly the most lopsided vote in Simon's idiotic history.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:47 | 5628236 hot sauce technician
hot sauce technician's picture

Just like Hitler was trying to protect Germans in the Sudetenland. The Russians in Ukraine don't need Putin to protect them.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 15:20 | 5629083 bid the soldier...
bid the soldiers shoot's picture

Neither did Nuland, Brennan, Ashton and 200,000 Ukrainians in Kiev have the authority to change the results of an election by 45,000,000 Ukrainians. With another election in 3 months.

BULLSHIT BEGETS BULLSHIT. 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:17 | 5627566 Perimetr
Perimetr's picture

I nominate this as the stupidest article of the year (so far) in ZH.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:13 | 5628056 angel_of_joy
angel_of_joy's picture

Yeah, but the year is still young...

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:27 | 5627350 Dead Canary
Dead Canary's picture

The holiday season is a time for friends, fellowship and good cheer. A chance to look back and reflect on all the good things in our lives.
It is also a time of giving to those less fortunate than ourselves.
I am of course, talking about:  The Can.
Yes this happy, cheerful little fellow has had a pretty rough time lately. Constantly being kicked and kicked  down the road.
That long, long, lonely road.

Take time this holiday season to send your tax deductible contributions to:

Friends of the Can
123 Oak St.
Moot Point, MT  98765

Please. Give generously.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:42 | 5627351 Haus-Targaryen
Haus-Targaryen's picture

Dumb. 

Russia never invaded Ukraine, although I wish they did.  

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:54 | 5627433 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

annexation? of Crimea? (like Texas, as I was reading in a comment that disappeared?)

anyway, dumb is the wrong word. plenty of other words to describe the whole thing

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:01 | 5627455 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Please Ghordius, perhaps the technocratics and backers of the "revolution" and overthrow of the elected government in Ukraine should have thought a bit harder about what they were doing.

Fuck em, and anyone else that tries to manipulate people and their governments.

Can't wait for states in the U.S to start telling D.C. to fuck off.  Just a matter of time now.

The eastern part of Ukraine and crimea are Russian, period, much like Texas is hispanic, period.  demographics can be a real bitch.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:32 | 5628140 rejected
rejected's picture

--Can't wait for states in the U.S to start telling D.C. to fuck off.  Just a matter of time now--

Amazingly enough the states had this ability before the 17th amendment was supposedly ratified by those very states!

Yep, nothing to see here folks,,, move along.

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:15 | 5627544 Dathedr
Dathedr's picture

Scumbag, Crimea had a referendum in which 96% Crimeans voted for reunification with Russia. It was 2nd referenum on severing ties with Ukraine which were made unlawfully. Crimea was placed in then USSR Ukraine on February 1954. by Bolshevik Nikita Khrushchev (born in USSR Ukraine). The first on 1991. had 94% of Crimeans voted for secession, and the 2nd one 96% with 83% turnout if I am not mistaken. Are you working for some Zionist institution, scumbag? Only a mercenary scum would make his avatar pic a euro. Paying you well, hm? Just don't go too far, scum, else you might lose your parts! There is no love for Zionist scum such as yourself outside of dominion of your institutions, mercenary! Keep that on your mind.

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Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:59 | 5627733 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

"Only a mercenary scum would make his avatar pic a euro. Paying you well, hm? Just don't go too far, scum, else you might lose your parts! "

cute. no, nobody pays me. believe it or not, even the EUR "project" has it's bona fide supporters. and that EUR sign is a wonderful red flag to so many. what is your problem with the EUR? paired with an account of 21 weeks? I hope you do get paid for upvotes ;-)

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:25 | 5627841 chindit13
chindit13's picture

You can be either a sheeplekov pod-Puti, or you are a paid troll.  This is now a black and white site, and no deviation of any kind is tolerated.

For example, NSA monitors the internet:  bad.  Putin monitors the internet: necessary.  NSA taps phones:  bad.  Putin taps phones:  necessary.  US bails out banks:  bad.  Putin bails out banks (via the <$81 billion National Wealth Fund):  necessary.  Kerry gets botox and plastic surgery:  metrosexual.  Putin gets botox and plastic surgery:  manly.  O shoots drones:  bad.  Putin shoots jounalists:  necessary.  And so it goes.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:38 | 5627897 AnarcOmAN@
AnarcOmAN@'s picture

Very good point, but it terms of factual correctness; the pure propganda piece of Russia invading Ukraine must be called out for what it is. I completely agree with your assertion though. 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:25 | 5628109 rejected
rejected's picture

Your comparing apples to oranges. NSA (an agency) monitors the Internet. Putin (a person) monitors the Internet.

NSA (an agency) taps phones. Putin (a person) taps phones.

The US (a nation!) bails out Banks. Putin (a person) bails out Banks.

 

So it appears Mr. Putin is a very busy person!

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:29 | 5628118 corsair
corsair's picture

@chindit13

Yeah, except the left side of your equation are proven facts, while the right side is made of smear campaigns, speculations and misconstructions.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 15:41 | 5629197 highly debtful
highly debtful's picture

Careful who you're picking on here, Dathedr. I do not always agree with Ghordius, but even then he's an adversary to cherish. If he speaks, I tend to listen carefully, and not many people have that effect on me. In any case, he is most definitely NOT a scumbag.

On the other hand, Ghordius, referring to the number of weeks someone has been registered as an active member is just plain silly. That's an argument unworthy of your intellect. I for one have never understood the correlation between membership duration and validity of comments. 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 17:58 | 5629978 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

a bad habit, agreed. I blame akak, he spoiled me to it's use
damn, I miss akak

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 15:45 | 5629216 piratepiet
piratepiet's picture

Some people say that referendum was not credible.  96 % voted for independence ?  Is that really a credible result ?  Was the referendum free and fair ? 

No intimidation ?  I do not know, but I certainly wonder...

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 17:45 | 5629912 Parrotile
Parrotile's picture

It's certainly a "credible result" if it's a case of the USA getting the result it wishes.

Apart from Crimea being almost entirely Russian, it is the favoured "retirement home" for the well-connected (see above, and - http://www.businessinsider.com.au/crimea-demographics-chart-2014-3 ). Mind you, Sevastopol has it's fair share of wealthy retirees too http://www.escapeartist.com/live/2014/01/08/good-bad-ugly-living-ukraine/

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 18:00 | 5629984 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

Crimean Tatars boycotted it

Wed, 01/07/2015 - 13:29 | 5633178 gallistic
gallistic's picture

Greetings Ghordo, I hope you are doing well.

This Tartar boycott is something we have discussed before. Some things might be worth restating. Tartars only comprise 10% of the population. You speak of the Tartars as a monolithic block, but in the real world, only one political party (of several) within that 10% actually called for a boycott to the referendum.

Even if every single Tartar boycotted the referendum (which they did not), and even if every single Tartar voted to remain a part of Ukraine (which they did not) it would not make a bit of difference; the overwhelming majority favored integration into Russia.

The final vote was 96.77 percent vote for integration of the region into the Russian Federation with an 83.1 percent voter turnout.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:29 | 5627610 Haus-Targaryen
Haus-Targaryen's picture

Ghordo -- 

You are a staunch defender -- whenever possible -- of TBTB and the status-quo.  The problem is you are a well informed guy.  

This makes your presence here extremely suspect.  

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:54 | 5627710 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

ist that an assumption that you are either well informed and part of the status quo or badly informed and outside of the status quo? what about ZH's Tylers?

once upon a time, "balanced budgets" was outside the status quo. according to Dr. Krugman, it's still criminal

If I was to propose a law comparable to our balanced budget treaties in the eurozone in the US Congress, would I be part of the status quo or against the status quo?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:58 | 5627732 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Funny, I'm not seeing a rational choice here, as both are part of the divide and conquer nature of the status quo.

Did you ever consider life outside of living under the boot of the mafia?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:18 | 5627817 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

have you ever experienced mafia, N/A?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:01 | 5627745 Haus-Targaryen
Haus-Targaryen's picture

One can be uninformed and a defender of the status quo -- and I chalk these people (a overwhelming majority of the West's respective populations) up to ignorance.  

One can be informed and a staunch "slash & burner" of the status quo.  This is a large chunk of us ZH'ers.  

One can be informed and a staunch defender of the status quo, which, sadly is where you find yourself.  

Running balanced budgets is common sense, and would be in alignment with many of those in the first and second groups.  Those in the third group don't like balanced budgets (like Mrs. Krugman) -- but -- at the end of the day, I still find you defending the status quo more often than not.  It makes me scratch my heads as to your motives.  

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:13 | 5627789 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

if running balanced budgets would be "common sense", then it would not be so hard to do it, would it? or so damn controversial

the same accounts for a sensible immigration policy, for example. even a radical one that simply does not allow immigration at all

what I hate is people that promise one thing, but don't give a fig about it, never bring it and use it only as a people-control tool. which might explain why I'm a fan of ZH

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:57 | 5627723 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Given as much as he chatters, I don't peg him for a paid troll, but rather, a typical diehard socialist/statist who believes that good will prevail if only the good guys get control of the gun.

Never mind the evil that entails, and the impossiblity of using it for good means.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:30 | 5627353 highly debtful
highly debtful's picture

My heart says the bus driver, but logic dictates I should go for the States, given the impact of your administration on the rest of the world.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:29 | 5627354 wesson
wesson's picture

"1. Russia Undoubtedly the first country that comes to mind, with its decision to invade Ukraine."

Implying that Ukraine is not invaded now by USA.


Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:35 | 5627373 kwc
kwc's picture

Russia invaded Ukraine?  Now I can confidently ignore Simon Black, the propagandist.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:48 | 5627422 Drummond
Drummond's picture

Dumbest ZH contributer

1. Simon Black of sovereign man blog

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:52 | 5627431 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

And people pay for his advice ?

Fools and money come to mind.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:36 | 5627382 Dead Canary
Dead Canary's picture

They had it coming. (Putting their country so close to all of our airbases). Whuddya expect!

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:40 | 5627390 BadDog
BadDog's picture

Russia invade Ukraine?  I nominate Simon Black for Tool Of The Year.  Where's the ignore button.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:30 | 5627360 spellbound
spellbound's picture

Russia invaded Ukraine?!?!?!...Didn't Ussa overthrow the ELECTED gov't of Ukraine and Russia responded?...What would Ussa do if Russia overthrew the gov't of Mexico or Canada?...Hmmmm....

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:37 | 5627378 kwc
kwc's picture

Good riddance to Simon Black, who just cratered his own credibility.  What garbage!

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:31 | 5627363 Kamath
Kamath's picture

To start off with the most sane government on the planet, which is the Russian government, totally discredits the rest of the article. "Invasion of East Ukraine." Yeah. Sure. Right.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:34 | 5627371 Bioscale
Bioscale's picture

Russia might have been put on the top of the list only then, when it would make a violent coup in Mexico City, put russian citizens into a new "democratic" mexican government, sold oil and gas fields to russian corporations and transported tousands of tons of military equipment to mexican soil.

The article is just a big fucking bullshit.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:37 | 5627377 Hannibal Barca
Hannibal Barca's picture

IMO not a single one of them comes to top 5. My personal list without particular order is:

Latvia, Lithuania, Esthonia, France, Spain with England taking the honorary 6th spot.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:59 | 5627448 layman_please
layman_please's picture

you don't say? please elaborate.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:41 | 5627662 Ghordius
Ghordius's picture

second that. very strange list

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:58 | 5627727 noben
noben's picture

#1 has got to be Ukraine itself.

Stupid, corrupt leaders, and cowardly people to put up with it. That's a fact, Jack, and spare me the sentiment of "those poor people".

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:37 | 5628153 Grumbleduke
Grumbleduke's picture

Stupid, corrupt leaders, and cowardly people to put up with it. That's a fact, Jack, and spare me the sentiment of "those poor people".

Same goes for all countries, with the US and Israel on top maybe.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:38 | 5627384 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

PUTIN" TALKING ABOUT "THE END OF PETRODOLLAR ERA”.                   

Washington DC death spiral ----Dead Can Dance - Black Sun

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:50 | 5627427 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

comments disabled....amazing.....and my continuing policy is, if comments arnt allowed, info most likely is controlled bullshit...or to hide the truth about info...so the last thing they need is for vlad getting a standing O from us stupid amerikans...

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:53 | 5627434 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

You have 69 years to find the comments.. Winks

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:00 | 5627456 _SILENCER
_SILENCER's picture

I agree.

As a side observation, you'll notice every article Brit news sources run about those insidious "royals" always has comments disabled.

Last thing they want is the rabble bringing to light the royal family's pedophilia, murder, and other degenerate behaviour.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:28 | 5627545 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

UK Royals are just keeping up with the Kincora Boys, Jimmy Savile style. Now you can see all the homosexual mantra on your TV. Fudge packing is a commerical.

The poor blokes in the UK have to buy a TV licensing fee. Homosexuality is a paid privilege.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:43 | 5627394 Bangalore Torpedo
Bangalore Torpedo's picture

Hate to be an "America basher" but I think that the great ole USA has to take first prize just due to the sheer volume of the destruction - even if you look at only the damage inflicted within. That kind of damage hasn't been seen since the Roman Empire went tits up.

For distant second, I have to pick Venezuela. The rest of them (ex-USA) look like amateurs. It's not many people who can dismiss every single law of economics! Besides when he's twisting in the wind come say April, just think of the entertainment value! He left the country on a whirlwind tour for a reason!

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:55 | 5627966 noben
noben's picture

He genuinely needs Chinese and Russian help, to keep the country from imploding and the Wall St vultures from swooping in.

It's the only move he has.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:07 | 5628036 rejected
rejected's picture

I see your point but I would have to go for Ukraine as #2,,, heck, maybe #1...

I mean they completely destroyed their country trying to switch masters.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:43 | 5627399 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

Why the U.S. and it's Anglo-American counterparts will die the most excruciating economic death.

Look no further than the TPP !

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:45 | 5627408 Bangalore Torpedo
Bangalore Torpedo's picture

Wow that almost seals the deal for the USA in spot #1. When you have to go to Fauxcahauntas (or any pol, for that matter) for truth that pretty much sums it up.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:45 | 5627407 RiverDrifter
RiverDrifter's picture

Waste of time article....made it through the first two sentences of #1 on the list and stopped.  Such blantant bullshit never used to make it on ZH; I'm surprised it was posted here at all.  

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:46 | 5627415 Toolshed
Toolshed's picture

It is good to know what the morons are up to, don't you think?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:13 | 5627541 RiverDrifter
RiverDrifter's picture

Good point...keep your known idiots close, keep the unknown idiots closer.  

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:15 | 5627552 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

+1,000,000,000,000 American dollars that made the mess possible

Fuck Simon blackhead

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:46 | 5627410 Toolshed
Toolshed's picture

Simon Black clearly belongs on the DULL tool rack. And that is being kind.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:47 | 5627411 apocalypticbrother
apocalypticbrother's picture

Ebola Bin Obama gets my vote for dumbest. Blames North Korea for the inside hack at his buddies place at Sony then helps them promote their hate mongering. Your president is a douche bag

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:46 | 5627412 NoWayJose
NoWayJose's picture

Every government is the answer, because none of them accept the truth and do anything based on real data. They spend fortunes to collect it, but once they have it they massage, manipulate, or seasonally adjust it - to hide it from their people.

It's a lot like CNBC - with record low Neilsen ratings, the answer is not to change or fix what is wrong - instead they get Cogent (another ratings monitoring company) to determine their number of viewers! Anyone bet that the numbers will rise???

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:10 | 5627528 layman_please
layman_please's picture

+1 to every government

and the dumbest should be replaced with evilest.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:46 | 5627413 aleph0
aleph0's picture

 

 

I only got as far as "Russia invaded" ...
.. and then my Mouse attacked the Cat.

Did Simon Black really write this ?

Didn't read the rest , as I hate high BP so early in the day.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:48 | 5627421 Panic Mode
Panic Mode's picture

Japan??

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:20 | 5627576 Sambo
Sambo's picture

Japan is right up there at the top for screwing up economy & environment.

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:49 | 5627426 JamaicaJim
JamaicaJim's picture

ALL of them.

 

NEXT!

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:52 | 5627429 semperfi
semperfi's picture

1. Russia  Undoubtedly the first country that comes to mind, with its decision to invade Ukraine.

Simon, will all due respect, you are an idiot.  Langley threw a coup complete with neo-nazis, and stole their gold and $70 billion in cash.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:19 | 5627826 chindit13
chindit13's picture

Amazing the access all you guys have.  You know EVERYTHING!  Well, at least you think you do, and that's really what's important in the end, right?  Nothing better in this life than false confidence.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:31 | 5628130 corsair
corsair's picture

Oh, look: A pot.

Wed, 01/07/2015 - 07:48 | 5631657 Infinite QE
Infinite QE's picture

Access, yes. Is this you on the far right, with your mate Saville?

http://www.hangthebankers.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/Pedophiles-Prin...

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:55 | 5627436 semperfi
semperfi's picture

USA, for importing left-over nazis at the end of WW2 and installing them in the CIA.  Who's side are we on anyway?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:07 | 5627500 Bill of Rights
Bill of Rights's picture

From the looks of it, the side with all the money.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:56 | 5627439 joak
joak's picture

If Russia would have invaded Ukraine... there would not be any Ukraine. 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:03 | 5627474 FrankieGoesToHo...
FrankieGoesToHollywood's picture

Why let the truth get in the way of a good story?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:10 | 5627527 Hamm Jamm
Hamm Jamm's picture

thats right cause the nuclear war it would start would vapourize everybody ...   duh !

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 12:02 | 5628015 rejected
rejected's picture

Down voted you again for another retarded post. You are delusional if you think the EU and USSA would risk annihilation over a gaggle of Nazi's.

Not sayin they won't try a first strike or something almost as stupid but it won't happen over Uke land.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 14:29 | 5628864 bid the soldier...
bid the soldiers shoot's picture

Everybody except you 'cause your brain was already vaporized from crack when you were thrown out of junior high.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 09:55 | 5627440 Debugas
Debugas's picture

Russia:

having enough foreign reserves they managed to drop their currency from $40 to $80

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:04 | 5627464 FrankieGoesToHo...
FrankieGoesToHollywood's picture

Apple alone is now worth more

I dont think it is truethful reporting use fictious, ramped, stock price as a benchmark of value.  Especially since Simon is the first to dismiss stock price in the US as phony.

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:10 | 5627530 SharkBit
SharkBit's picture

For me, USSA takes the prize. Everything is Awesome!

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:14 | 5627550 Setarcos
Setarcos's picture

All countries have their problems, but most of them caused by the Washington Empire of Chaos, from the coup in Iran and the invasion of Korea during the 1950s, through countless other coups and destabilizations, to the CIA coup in Kiev last year.

 

Until then Russia had been pottering along quite nicely - considering the havoc caused by Washington-backed Yeltsin 20 years ago - and it is a plain lie that Russia invaded Crimea and cause its present problems.

 

I endorse all of the other comments here which rubbish this article.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:17 | 5627554 Hamm Jamm
Hamm Jamm's picture

Wow ... lots of russian shills n fanboys on here ...   !

the sad new is Putin is as big a dip shit as obama and the rest of the dumb fucks ...   

 

their all on the BANKS Payroll... when are you idiots gonna get it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!         

 

jeez..  maybe we need some more fake oil wars ... there's just to many dumb retards that need to sign up and get naturally selected out of existence ... 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:57 | 5627992 rejected
rejected's picture

I rarely down vote but putting Putin in the same class as Obama? That's retarded.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 13:00 | 5628304 Hamm Jamm
Hamm Jamm's picture

why not ?  they are both employed by the Banks

or do you believe this Grande Charade is actually real ?????    

only thing that is retarded is that people want to believe in this garbage system..    everyone has to wake up !!!    

 

Don't you get sick and tired of this Bullshit

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:17 | 5627558 AgeOfJefferson
AgeOfJefferson's picture

Yep Simon. You should at least address that "Russia invaded Ukraine" blunder and own up to it. As a former intelligence officer, what were you thinking? If u want to regain credibility for future articles among ZH'ers, I suggest you defend yourself in this thread ASAP. Be a man!

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:16 | 5627559 Abapom
Abapom's picture

What a dumb article

what is this SImon smoking? Russia invaded Ukraine!

haahhaha

what is next Russia invaded Moscow?

is zero hege gone idiotic?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:41 | 5627667 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Don't get your panties in a knot until you sleep with Oedipus complex under Sigmund Freud. Stupid cunt Abapom. Mindless mouth breather. Have you gone to the ID phase in your life?

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 11:09 | 5627772 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

oh noes. I have a Jewish Ukrainian down vote.

 

/bwahahaha

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:18 | 5627561 Caleb Abell
Caleb Abell's picture

"1. Russia

Undoubtedly the first country that comes to mind, with its decision to invade Ukraine."

 

I stopped reading after seeing the above preposterous bullshit.  The author of this steaming pile of crap either works for the NSA or is the stupidest man of the year.  Next, he will tell us that Iraq was behind 911 and they were getting ready to use their WMDs.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:17 | 5627563 Orwell was right
Orwell was right's picture

At the risk of monotonous repetition with others on this thread....Russia didn't start the Ukraine incident.  

Why did the UK not make the list?  Why is the US way down in 5th place?  Where are some of our "Euro brethren" on this list?    Last but not least...practically any African country can top most lists with corrupt, stupid, governments.

I dislike Argentina as much as anyone, but if the primary source of income gets severely disrupted for most countries, you will see much of the same types of things happen.    If the author thinks the TPTB in the US would crack down any less  harshly during a crises....he hasn't been keeping up with the changes at Dept. Homeland Security, NSA, etc. 

NOT a well thought out article.....big teaser headline....then mostly nonsense

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:21 | 5627583 Smegley Wanxalot
Smegley Wanxalot's picture

About the USA: "So you’d think that the US government would go out of its way to treat the rest of the world with respect and dignity ..."

Uhhh, no, I never ever would expect Uncle Sham to treat the world any better than the shit treatment he inflicts on the citiserfs that live in this shithole.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:24 | 5627594 Debeachesand Je...
Debeachesand Jerseyshores's picture

All of the above fucking countries...

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:27 | 5627600 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Replace them with open source software and referendum.

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:30 | 5627614 PrayingMantis
PrayingMantis's picture

... you lost me at >>> "1. Russia  Undoubtedly the first country that comes to mind, with its decision to invade Ukraine." ... ... this statement (replete with its obligatory "drum roll"), as the majority of ZHers here would know is simply silly and an outright fabrication ... much like my fictional story below

 

... and since your report/article is so silly and missing all the "other" dumb governments, here's my silly take on the dumbest governments having a UN (Useless Nations) discussion about the Three Kings ... (which incidentally is "celebrated" today :) ...

 

The Three Kings

A UN (Useless Nations) Epiphany Summit on the Feast of the Three Kings

(A short story)

 

(This short story is a work of fiction. Any resemblance, similarities or inferences to anyone (or any dumb government) whether living or dead, events or locales are entirely coincidental.)

 

Author's notes:

The Feast of the Three Kings had been celebrated and debated for years yet no one could put a finger on the true number of kings who visited the baby Jesus, their real names or where exactly they came from and where they went to after visiting the Messiah. Some say there were three kings based on the three gifts but even the Gospel of Matthew had never mentioned the actual number of Wise Men who dropped by for a visit. And what if only one came and gave three gifts? Would that suffice? Of course! Or there could've been 12 Kings for all we care and only three gave gifts.  Perhaps, the others could've been really cheapskates and waited for Boxing day to get theirs at half a shekel. Well, who knows.

 

The UN (Useless Nations) had decided a summit conference be held to solve the mystery of the feast of Epiphany.  You might know that the word 'epiphany' means:  a.) A sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something; and b.) A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization.

 

So I had this epiphany of some sorts, a sudden manifestation to find the true meaning of the Three Kings or the Three Wise Men or the Magi (Three Magi? Three Maguses? Three Amigos?), their lives, where they're from and their exact number.

 

Unfortunately, you won't find the answer here, but it might give you some clue.

 

 

London was selected as the venue for the conference owing to the British representative's professorial erudition and, of course, England, as everyone would tell you, being a monarchist country, was an easy choice to discuss 'Kings' and royalty, et cetera.

 

The voices were recorded as usual and identified for posterity, however, sources said that the funky UN (Useless Nations) Secretary-General needed to have some comic relief, and would, on occasion, listen to any UN-sanctioned conference to get a hefty laugh (although his English is quite suspect as well).

~ Author

 

 

UN (Useless Nations) Summit Conference on the Feast of the Three Kings, London, UK:     January 6, 2015

 

This is a day in the life of some of the UN “leaders” and this could be why the UN (or Useless Nations) will never accomplish anything.

 

[England] "Awright, gentulmen, let's stawt this summet." The British leader banged the gavel to commence proceedings.

[England] "Let's begin the beguine with the gentulman from Gweece."

[Greece] "Thees ees highly irregialar, sir, these summeet should be held in Greeece beekos wee ore olso a monarcheest en besides, the werd 'epiphany' ees from Koine Greek."

[Israel] "Oy vey, vats the diferance, I don't haf two coins to rub together, idiot."

[Greece] "That's Koine not coin, now who's the eediot, huh?"

[Italy] "Eh, whas the matter for you, eh? A coin is a coin, eh? Ah show-a you a coin, oke? . . .  I'll-a throw a coin-eh?,  capiche? . . . if you go bend over  to pick it up- a, you be greeked . . . okay? eh?"

[Greece] "No, no, no, no, no, no homo,  eet's Koine not coin.  Someone please, tell Guwido, it's not a coin but a Koine. " Exasperated, he waved both hands in the air.

[Italy] "Eh . . . esactly, oke? A coin not a coin but a coin is a coin. Eh? Bada boom bada bing, eh?"

[Greece] "A Koine meeeeeens komon in Greek . . . see, oh, em, em, oh, en . . . komon.  Jus layk Alexandreean, Helleneesteek, Patreesteek, Komon, Beebblical or Nu Testamen Greek. Ther  eees a komon Koine Greek. Layk komon inglish or komon spaneesh."

[Spain] "Ay yay yay yay yay, paloma . . . why dint yoo sey so and weist ol ar taym."

[Philippines] "'tangna, yoo tok too mats, ay don anderstan."

[Japan] "Uoooooooooh."

[England] "Gentulmen, please . . . let's behive, awright?"

[Nigeria] "Deed he se all white?"

[Zambia] "Noooo bruthuh, he se fo you to behive."

[Nigeria] "No brothah, he se 'allwhite' . . . wot 'bout us, we black."

[Korea] "He se awe-right na allwhite, oke?"

[Portugal] "Ele diz que o Nigerian é idiota."

[Italy] " Haaaah-ha, dice che il Nigeriano è un idiota, haaaah-ha."

[Nigerian] "Ah heard that Guwido, I'll getya en dat Portuguese homo latuh. Ah saturate yo countries with spam and junk emails promeesing meelions of dolahs, yo women be sending all yoh monies to me. Ho-ho-ho-ho."

[England] "Awright, let's a move on.  Let's talk 'bout the nimes of the three kings."

[China] "So soly, yu sey . . . nimes?"

[England] "Yessss, nimes . . . titles, nicknimes, designashuns, appellashuns,  handles,  denominashuns, epithets, sobriquets, cognomens, monikers or monickers . . .  nimes.

[USA] "Yo, yo, yo, geeeeeeez, pal . . . say it properly man . . . naeeyms . . . not nimes."

[England] "Awright . . . wot ah their naeeeeeeeeyms?"

[Canada] "Tha's better, eh?"

[Ireland] "Aye, we call'em, Caspar, Melchior, and Balthasar."

[Greece] "Theese derive from early seeexth century Greek manuscreept een Alexandria."

[Ireland] "Nope, lad. Top o the morrneeng to ya, but eet's from the Latin text 'Collectanea et Flores' from the 8th centurey, of Irish orgin. Jus like horrsies and sawsagies."

[Spain] "Atualeee, eet's Gaspar not Caspar or Casper the frienly gost, ha ha."

[Syria] "Yoo ol rong, we sey, Larvandad, Gushnasaph, en Hormisdas."

[USA] "What the . . . ?"

[Ethiopia] "Yooo rong tu, eet ees, the nems ah . . . Hor, Karsudan, en Basanater."

[Canada] "Sure bud, easy for ya ta say, eh?"

[Philippines] "Eeeen da peeleepeeens, wee sey, meltsor, gaspar at baltasar.

[Thailand] "Why you say peeleepeens? You're peein?"

[New Zealand] "European?  Heeck, no, he's Esian?"

[India] "Thart's Airshun."

[USA] "What the . . . you mean Hey-shun?"

[Haiti] "No, I'm Haitian, he E-sian."

[Ireland] "Listen laddies, ya're'll top 'o the morrning idiots."

[England] "Awright , stoppit. Armenia wants to say somethin'."

[Armenia] "Bat Armenians hev da tree keengs as Kagpha, Badadakharida en Badadilma."

[England] "Awright! I think we've heaaaad enuff. Let's talk 'bout whe'e they came from? Yes China?"

[China] "Meny Chanese Chlistians belieeb dat wan of magi kem flom China."

[Japan] "Uoooooooooh."

[Iraq] "No, my chinky frend . . . dey ar Babylonians."

[Saudi Arabia] "No, no, no, defeeneetlee  Arabs."

[Yemen] Dey ar Jews from Yemen . . . Dey ar Makrebs or keeengs of Yemen."

[Jamaica] "Yoo meeen 'yah man'?"

[Mexico] "Ay caramba, hee meeeens di cuntry of Yemen."

[Jamaica] "No problem, mon. "

 [Australia] "In the Gospeel of Matthew, the only one to describe the visit of the magi, it stetes that thy cayme "from the east" to warship the Christ, "born King of the Jews".

[Germany] "Und da author uf Matthew did not haf a specific locashun in mind und da phrase 'vrom da east' is perhops fur leeterary effect und exoticism."

 [India] "Wort koynd of juice? Appel juice, grep juice or orenj juice?"

[Germany] "Das ist Jews, you Indiot! . . . Eine mehr dumme Bemerkung und ich werden diesen Lumpen um Ihren Mund wickeln."

[Hungary] "Relax, Adolf, raghead vas just tryink to be foonny."

[Bangladesh] "No he's knot, arnd if he worn't stop, ah'll powint mah missiles up his butt."

[Pakistan] "Sirnce when deerd you get missiles?"

[Afghanistan] "Dorn't tell him, Rachman. I worn't sell you any more."

[Italy] "Ora che è un inferno di una minaccia stupida."

[Afghanistan] "What you se weirdo Guirdo?"

[Italy] "Eh, Krazy Karzy Karsai, eh, eh, eh, I donna like-a yo tone a voice- eh? Oke?"

[Afghanistan] "Wat tone."

[Italy] "Dat tone."

[Afghanistan] "Lishen, weirdo Guirdo, I cut off shupply o morpheen to yo boot-ass corntry, no more soorgery for Guirdo's Italian horspitals, capiche?"

[Italy] " Eh ba fangool, no threaten me eh? . . . oke? Ah break-a you face . .  and tha's signoré Guido for you Krazy Karzeat."

[Japan] "Uoooooooooh."

[Philippines] "Go bak tu sleep, you neepon terrist."

[Scotland] "Aye, rrrrroyt on."

[England] "Awright boys, let's get back to business . . . and how many kings or wise blokes were there?"

[India] "Der awrr tree geefts, so der awrr tree keengs."

[Pakistan] "No .. No, no,no,no,no,no,no . . . not-uh, so fast, Kumar. Da babil dint sey tree."

[Sweden] "Yah?, eet did nat sey, yah?. . ."

[Philippines] "Yu min eetees fossibol it koood bee mor dan tree? Or onli wan?"

[Norway] "Kud be two, or three, or mor."

[USA] "What the . . ."

[Mexico] "No hoo-way Jose, eeet's been tres reyes eber seens. Ay don buy dat."

[Russia] "Nyet forrr sale, comrade amigo."

[Germany] "Vat ees wrong vid more than three? Zee bible deed not say three so van could be the gifer und the rest vere so cheep zey did not gif a gift."

[USA] "What the heck is 'gif a gift'?"

[Austria] "Eet means, to gif a gif, eejot."

[USA] "What the . . ."

[Egypt] "Deed yoo say Egypt?"

[France] "Oui, Il dit que vous êtes un idiot, Anwar."

[Egypt] "I weel  bomb yorr Eiffel tower later, monsieur froggy."

[England] "Gentulmen, I think we're finished with the topic."

[Finland] "No, I'm Finnish."

[Japan] "Uoooooooooh. Noooooh. He se we finish, oke?"

[Finland] "No, you Japanese, me, Finnish, okey?"

[Japan] "Uoooooooooh."

[USA] "Ah, just shut . . . the . . . fff . . ."

[Finland] "I'm getting a hedeck."

[Norway] "You mean a haddock?"

[England] "Awright, not to be rushin' here, let's talk 'bout tradishuns."

[Russia] "Nyet, comrade,  vhy make fun ov Russians?"

[Sweden] "No . . . yah? He said, 'rushin' . . . like . . . to speed up, yah?"

[England] "Are you two finished?"

[Finland] "NOO . . . I'm Finnish."

[All] "Shut up!"

[Finland] "Ahhh, Idiots."

[Ukraine] "Nyet, that's Anwar, he's Egypt."

[England] "Awright boys, let's staaaawt . . . tradishuns."

[Syria] "Olrayt . . . da Syrian Keeng Seleucus II recorded to offered gold, frankincense en myrrh to Apollo in Miletus tempol 243 BC, en thees hab been da precedent fo da menshun of theese tree gifs in Gospel of Matthew (2:11) . . . 'twas theese tree gifs, it is touht, wheech wer de chieef cause for de numbah of de Magi becomeeng feexed eventuallee at tree."

[Italy] "Eh . . . Marco Polo, eh? Claim-ah dat he was-uh shown the three tombs-uh of the Magi at Saveh south of Tehran-uh in the 1270'suh."

[Iran] "Igsactly, een Persia eeis de ceety of Saba, from wheech de Tree Magi set out en retorned eein dees ceety dey ar burried, een tree bery laarge en bootifool monooments, sayd by sayd. De bodees ar steel weed hair en beard."

[Germany] "Nein, mein freund, a shrine ov das Drei Koenigs at Cologne Cathedral, according to tradishun, contains zee bones of zee Drei  Weiss Men.  Zhey vere furst discofered by Saint Helena on her vamous pilgrimaje to Palestine und der Holy Lands. She took zee remains to zee church ov Hagia Sophia in Constantinople; zhey vere later moofed to Milan, some sources say by zee city's bishop, Eustorgius I, before being sent to zheir coorrent resting place by zee Holy Roman Emperor Frederick I in AD 1164. Zee Milanese celebrate zheir part in zee tradishun by holding a mediefal costoom parade efery 6 of Yanuary."

[Greece] "Da veeisit of the Magi ees commomorated een most Western Christian chorches by da obserbans of Epiphany, every 6 of January. Da Eastern Orthodox celebrete the veesit of the Magi on da 25 o Decembah."

[Switzerland] "Zhee identificazhun of zee Magi as kings eis link-ed to Old Testament prophezees that haf zee Messiah beeing warshipped by keengs in Isaiah 60:3, Psalm 72:10, and Psalm 68:29. Early readers reinterpretid Matthew in light of zees prophezees ind elevatid the Magi to keengs. By AD 500 all commentatowrs adoptid zee preevalent tradizhun zhat zhe three vere kings, and zees continued unteel the Pratestant Reformazhun."

[Indonesia] "Tho da Qur'an omeets Matthew's eepisod op de Magi, it was will known een Arabia. The Muslim encyclopaedist al-Tabari, writeeng een de 9th cintoory, gibs de fameeleear symbulism op de gifs of the Magi. Al-Tabari geb hees soorce por de inpormashun to bee de leyter 7th cintoory writeer Wahb ibn Munabbih."

[Mexico] "I been who?"

[Ireland] "Ivanhoe?"

[USA] "What the . . ."

[Japan] "Uoooooooooh."

[Australia] "Some religious tradishuns tyke a critical view of the Magi. Jehovah's Witneesses do not see the arrival of the Magi as something to be ceeleebryted, but insteed streess the Biblical condeemnashun of sorceery and astrologee in such texts as Deuteronomy 18:10-11, Leviticus 19:26, and Isaiah 47:13-14. Thy also point to the fact that the star seeen by the Magi led theem first to a hostile eneemy of Jesus, and only theen to the child's locashun - the argiameent being that if this was an eveent from God, it meekes no sense for theem to be led to a rulah with inteenshuns to keeill the child befo taking theem to Jesus."

[Scotland] "Aye, Chrristianity celebrrates the Magi on d' dey of Epiphany, January 6, d' dey 'mediately following the tweelve deeys of Chrristmas, parrticularrly in the Spanish-speaking parrts of the weerrld. In these Spanish-speaking arreas, aye, the three kings orr  'Los Rrrrrrreyes Magos de Orrrrrriente', also 'Los Trres Rreyes Magos', rreceive wish letterrs frrom cheeldrren and magically brring dem gifts on the night beforre Epiphany. Aye, in Spain, each wone of d' Magi's spposed to rrepresent wone differrent cantinent, Eurrope (Casparr), Aisia (Melchiorr) and Afrrica (Balthasarr). Aye 'ccording to the tradishun, the Magi come frrom d'Orrient on theirr camels to viseeit the howses of all the cheeldren; mush lyke Santa Clous with his ryindeer, they viseit eeverryone in wone noyght. In som  arreas, cheeildrren prreparre a drrenk f'r'each of the Magi, it's'also tradishunaal ta prreparre food and dreenk for d'camels, 'cause this is the only noight of the yearr when they eat."

[Spain] "Si, usted es muy corrrrrrecto, señor Escocia. "

[Japan] "Ingrish prease."

[USA] "What the . . ."

[Japan] "Uoooooooooh."

[Spain] "Spaneesh ceeties organithe 'cabalgatas' in the eveeneeng, eena wheech eh eh de keengs en de servantes parede en throw sweeets to de shildren en parents too. De cavalcade of el trio reyes eh keengs in Alcoi claims-uh to be eh de oldest een the werld;  dee participants hu portrey dee keengs en pejes walk trooh dee crowd-uh, geeveeng eh da presents to dee shildren directamente."

[Japan] "Uoooooooooh."

[Burma] "Quit grunting Nipponggo man, en retorn our golden Buddha you guys stole during da war."

[Japan] "Uoooooooooh."

[England] "Gentulmen, pleeeeease behive . . . and no war refrences, awright? . . . Awright then, the gentulman from Beljum is next."

[Belgium] "A tradishun in most ov Central Europe infolfes writing the eenitials ov der three kings' names abofe the main door of der home to confer blessings on the occupants fur der New Year. Fur example, 20 + C + M + B + 10. Dere eenitials may also represent 'Christus Mansionem Benedicat' or Christ bless dees howse. Ein Catholic parts ov Deutschland und Austria, dees ees done by so called 'Sternsinger' , or star singers, dey are sildren dressed up as the Magi, carrying der star. Ein exchange fur writing der eenitials, zhey collect money fur charity prajects ein der third werld. In France und Belgium, der holiday ees celebrated vith a special tradishun: vithin a familee, a cake ees shared, vhich contains a small figure of bebe Yesus, known as the broad bean. Whoefer gets the 'bean' is 'crowned' keeng for dere remainduh ov der holiday and vears a cardboard crown purchased vith der cake. Dee practice ees known as 'Tirer les Rois': der drawing the Kings. A qveen ees som times chosen."

[Spain] "Este tradithion also exeests en España, but weet una small variant; de cake, en esto caso, eh in dis case,  actually a eh eh ehe reeng-shaped uh pastry or 'Roscón de Reyes', es mos commonly bought, not-uh baked, en eet contains a small eh estatuilla eh este ah figurine de bebe Hesus en a dry-uh broad bean. The one who gets el figurine es crowned, but whoeber gets-uh eh este el bean-o has to pay de value of de cake to de person who eh eh originally bought eet."

[Mexico] "Gracias amigo, en Mehico they have dee same-uh ring-shape cake 'Rosca de Reyes' or Keengs Bagel or Thread, eet contains el estatillo de la niño Hesus. El figurine of de bebi  Hesus es tipicamente eh este  typically hidden eenside de cake. Whoever gets uh el figurine es suppose to take el figurine to the local iglesia eh este chorch en  buy tamales para de 'Candelaria' feast on segundo de Febrero, wheech ees de feast of a de la presentacion de Hesus at de Templo."

[Dominican Republic] "En Porto Rico en la Republica Dominicana, shildren cut-a  grass or-a greenery on Enero  cinco en put eet en el cajon eh, box, under de bed. The grass es para de camels. Shildren receibe regalos, er gifts on Enero 6, wheech es call 'Epiphany' en ingles, en es traditionalmente el dia, eh, the day en wheech el Mago llegar, eh arrive bearing regalos para de Christo Jesus.  Navidad o Christmas starts en Diciembre en ends en Enero  after Epiphany. Dose dias de Navidad er a 'Twelve days of Christmas'."

[USA] "Hey yo, in N'Orleans, Loosiana, wheram from, parts'f  Sou'Texas, and srrounding reegins, a simlar ring-shaped cake known's a 'King Cake' tradishnlly b'comes 'vailable in bekries from the Epiphany through Mardi Gras. The babe Jeezus represened ba'small, plastic doll insertd into the cake from underneath, and the persn who gits d’ slice with'd' figurine is expectid t' buy or bake the next King Cake. There's wide variashn 'mong d’types of pastry that cn'b' called a King Cake, but most feature baked cinnmon-flavrd twistid dough, thin frostin', wi'dditional sugar on top in tradishunl Mardi Gras colrs o’ gold, green, 'n purple. To prevent accidentl injry or choking, d’ plastic doll's freq’ntly not heed'n in the cake at the bekry, butt'nstead'n'cluded in the packging fo'opshunl use. Mardi Gras-style beads and doubloons may be'ncluded's well."

[Japan] "Uoooooooooh. Yu tok funny. Uoooooooooh."

[USA] "What the . . ."

[Japan] "Uoooooooooh."

[England] "Awright gentulmen, thunk you very much for aaaaall your input. We shone the light on some of the mysteries of the Feast of the Magi and now, I declare this summet ovah and uh, I believe we ah finished."

[Finland] "Idiots, I AM FINNISH, you are not, okay?"

[All] "SHUT UP!"

 

 

 

Tue, 01/06/2015 - 10:39 | 5627660 RaceToTheBottom
RaceToTheBottom's picture

Yep, cut&paste

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