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Billionaires Shocked To Learn They Only Control Half The World's Wealth
Satirically brought to you by The New Yorker's Borowitz Report,
A new Oxfam report indicating that the wealthiest one per cent possesses about half of the world’s wealth has left the richest people in the world “reeling with disappointment,” a leading billionaire said on Tuesday.
Speaking to reporters in Davos, Switzerland, where he is attending the World Economic Forum, the hedge-find owner Harland Dorrinson said, “I think I speak for a lot of my fellow billionaires when I say I thought we were doing a good deal better than that.”
Calling the Oxfam findings “sobering,” he said that he hoped they would serve “as a wake-up call to billionaires everywhere that it’s time to up our game.”
“Quite frankly, a lot of us thought that by buying politicians, rewriting tax laws, and hiding money overseas, we were getting it done,” said Dorrinson, who owns the hedge fund Garrote Capital. “If, at the end of the day, all we control is a measly half of the world’s wealth, clearly we need to do more—much more.”
In Davos, Dorrinson is huddling with other billionaires in the hopes of setting an ambitious goal for the top one per cent: to own the other half of the world’s wealth by 2025.
While he considers this target “doable,” Dorrinson said that he does not underestimate the challenge of wresting the other half from the “vise-like grip” of the approximately seven billion people who comprise the bottom ninety-nine per cent.
“Getting that other half is not going to be a walk in the park,” he said. “But ten years from now, when Oxfam says that the top one per cent owns everything in the world, it’ll all have been worth it.”
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LOL - could be an Onion article also. Though........I suggest they do feel that way, just not dumb enough to state it publicly.
I'm glad somebody finally said it, even if it is satire. It wouldn't have worked if we hadn't all immediately recognized the underlying truth of it.
Is this one of those 'Fact Or Fiction' posts?
More words of wisdom from Harland:
http://dianeravitch.net/2014/01/01/andy-borowitz-the-1-will-miss-mayor-b...
Regardless.....I often find myself hoping for a terror attack on Davos one day.
Wish in one hand, shit in the other...
This is how I figured it out:
Satirically brought to you by The New Yorker's Borowitz Report,
I thought satire was just inflaming Mooslims?
pods
No, that would be sausagetire. It's a French word...
No, that's Sati, and it's Hindu, not Muslim. ;)
Dateline 2025:
30 men control 95 percent of the worlds wealth
the serfs have been disarmed
non compliants are undergoing rehabilitation therapy
there is no retirement age, you work until you die to get by
now think of a yummy sounding ZWO media word for soylent green because that's what you're eating
this post is not satire
Sheeples shocked that they own only 1% of the wealth . 1 Million Sport fans (best Representation of a good Sheeple in good standings with the Elite Masters) were asked about owning only 1% of the wealth
here is their response
50% responded by: our wealth is in our belly and on display through TV(dreams)
40% responded: shiiiiit i though we own 0.1%, hell yeah that looks good
10% responded: dont hate the player man, hate the game. who cares man, my team is doing well bitchez
They'll get the other half soon enough. No reason to cry.
Want to work for MSNBC's Ed Schultz? Just don't be anything like him:
http://tinyurl.com/qcbcuvc
Give them time.. they'll get up to speed.
Round these sociopaths up for reconditioning.
Then send them to bomb squad training camp.
Was ZeroHedge just Onioned?
They've been had. I think the part at the top that says, satirically brought to you by, was just for kicks.
One would think that naming a company Garrote Capital would be enough to give away the satire.
If it's any solace? Paper burns.
Oprah Winfrey needs to get her formidable @ss in gear! We need some pickup from the trailing edges.
i have got a good ice ax
WTF ? They can be happy if they get to keep their heads on top of their shoulders (and their necks not broken).
Satirically brought to you by The New Yorker's Borowitz Report,
i remember ted turner back around the turn of the century when tech bubble blew up ... i think his net worth dropped from around $10 billion to only $1 or $2 billion ... had thoughts of suicide
Wow, only $1 billion.
I guess I could withstand a trauma like that. I'd gladly try.
But wasn't he porking Jane Fondle back then? I'm sure that took his mind off his problems.
Do they actually own 50% of the world or is all the shit they own (or think they own) just over-valued?
bingo
Technically, when you also own the companies doing the valuation, you can set your own prices for your 50%.
We're not living in an age where 80 people actually own 50% of the world. We're living in an age where 80 people have managed to convince everyone else that what they own is worth 50% of the world's assets.
At this point, how is a rational human being not supposed to consider the black market the "real " economy?
when all their FRN's become worthless, the joke will be on them
Works for Trump
Let's put it this way [& I'm confident that hedgeless horseman is on board with this]... What I got IS NOT FOR SALE AT ANY PRICE.
Carry on billionaires.
No problem:
- Eminent Domain
- Civil Asset Forfeiture
- Corzining a la MF Global
- Stick yer ass in a FEMA Camp and just take all yer stuff.
We got to be billionaire playing by the rules - our rules.
What? Don't you at least own a pitch fork?
Back to killin' snakess
Agreed. The best things in life are not for sale.
Well, all of the shit everyone else owns would be too.
All else need to be relocated to FEMA camps immediately.
They need the incentive of the other 50% in order to create jobs.
I'm not a billionaire .
Fucking Obama....he's an obstructionist if he doesn't give them the other half.
Sharing is Caring my fellow forbes folks .
worldwide is the key word here...
if you're comparing worldwide ... making around $50k us puts you in the 1%....
this might be more relevant if it were narrowed down more to specific reagions
https://www.givingwhatwecan.org/get-involved/how-rich-am-i
Income has nothing to do with Net Worth. And the rich don't use gimmicky (and "adjustable") measuring sticks like income to measure the size of their "wallets".
But more important than whether one looks domestically or worldwide- is whether one includes debt (slavery).
Even just in the USSA - IF one is debt-free... THEN one can live the SNAP & EBT lifestyle on a couch in their parents' basement, and with a single gold eagle "stacked" under the couch cushion, then that one internet troll has a net worth higher than the bottom 60 million Americans COMBINED. (and that is before the last two years of central bank facilitaed wealth transfer/impoverishment - so the 2014-2015 number is even higher)
Without understanding (and controlling) indebtedness, its almost impossible to climb the financial ladder, because, unfortunately, access to credit is very often critical to building wealth.
a tad depressing but true. as much as that for the mundane, every-day use of the word, "rich" means "consuming a lot". the real rich consume very little compared to their income or even more, their net worth. but UR, one quibble: "debt slavery" is not the same everywhere. best example: US student debt. astounding, unique and exceptional
US student debt is exceptionally non-dischargeable. (Thank you Joe Biden)
The new ACA-compliant US health "insurance" policies (that anyone less than the the 1% can afford) no longer offer 100% cost coverage once one has met the deductible (unlike the rest of the civilized world with either public or private healthcare systems) - for the "bronze" plans that are so popular, they only cover 60%, and only after the patient has coughed up their 5,000 deductible. In the good old days one had to actually sign themselves into debt slavery with the Devil. (Thank you Barack Obama)
Twenty years ago I remember sitting in a university lecture, the professor was discussing the razor blade business. Even before the Taliban reduced shaving demand in certain localities- the half dozen major producers had the capacity to shave the world daily several times over... and this was obviously after the advent of twin blade cartridges. So what do the manufacturers do - a few years later they add a third blade to the cartridge and a third dollar price of each. Now we have 5 (single edge) blades in a single cartridge for $5 each. Edward Bernays would be proud - millions below the median income and poverty lines with effectively no net worth choose to spend $5-$10 dollars a week on shit razor blades that can't even match the performance a simple double edge safety razor despite costing 20 times a much (never mind the straight razors I finally retired). The entire world is FUCKING HOPELESS I tell you. Americans are just exceptionally hopeless.
I really wonder, when it gets this concentrated, is it really even wealth anymore? I mean, there's literally no way they can liquidate. When a few people have half of everything, how to do you sell, and how much of it is even relevant to the majority of the population?
It'd be like dumping a bunch of lambo's in some place in Africa with no roads, fuel or other infrastructure and saying the people that own them are rich -- yeah, they have an asset that is worth a lot to someone, but it's worth nothing there and there's no means to convert it.
I have no doubts that in the billions and billions, yes, there's real wealth and they can have as much hookers and blow as they could ever want, but the sheer scale of the inequity almost seems to trap the wealth into its own independent ecosystem that it can't escape. The sad part of this is when it goes up in flames I think the real damage felt will be minimal.
Wealth is only one projection of the real commodity-in-trade: power.
Wealth is defined by "perceived" control. Wealth is perception.
I have better cars, I have better guns, I have more money, ect~
Terrible news. Can't go on. I'm making a formal request that the inter-galactic army of moralists arrest the billionaires of Earth and transport them to Q99X2 where they shall be promptly sacrificed upon the the pyramids.
I read here on ZH that those are inverted pyramids....
Davos is busy with a lot of private jet owners.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yKKcfD3wWlg/VL6kXqe6xrI/AAAAAAAAVAk/MCeBduG8J-...
They count only the NWO's speculative money ignoring the real i.e. the old money.
The battle of titans is starting. Charlie and SNB fired the first bullets and we are now counting the time.
Sooner or later the soldiers have to decide whom to shoot! Are their families and friends to survive? The answer is no, if the goal is less than 500 million people on this planet!
Come on. Really? This reads like something off theOnion.
Satirically brought to you by The New Yorker's Borowitz Report,
sat·ire ?sa?t?(?)r/ noun noun: satireI'm waiting for the TV commercials: "For only $19/month, you can help a struggling billionaire...."
These are the guys that are going to buy the 100 million dollar condo in New York City....go cats go....be da man..cough it up...
"GARROTE CAPITAL"
How apprpriate.
Sad thing is I'm afraid with this next round of theft, sattire may become reality.
Hope they all get the gift that keeps on giving while they're there.
Eliminate the satire by catching a hot mike at Davos.
Hilarious if its wasn't ghoulish...
Talking about "hilarious if it wasn't ghoulish" there is a controversy about Clint Eastwood's new film : American Sniper.
Here are the comments :
http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/features/american-...
I remember a film about a battle between two snipers called : Stalingrad. I enjoyed that. But it was WW2 and history.
I don't know if i would watch Pax Americana histrionics in Iraq and I get no thrill out of knowing it ending badly for the real character.
I don't like singing the Horst Wessel song like Newt gingrich does for his US storm troopers... But I respect Clint Eastwood's right to make a movie.
Its only a movie, like Charlie Hebdo was only a drawing. If you don't like it don't go watch it (or read it).
Ignorance is sometimes bliss, if you feel you don't want to become an idiot rooting for screen/media idiocy.
Its your choice and it's all "make belief", not reality.
Ennemy at the gates ?
Well, if they escape pitchforks and guillotines, they will own all the rubble that is left of the world… .
You kind of expect Zero Hedge to not fall hook, line, and sinker for an article purporting a larger government and strategies that effectively steal money from the successful and give it to the government as if that will improve the lives of the less successful.
Some key points you might have highlighted is that the 1% club is not just made up of billionaires - you don't even have to be a millionaire to be in it. You only have to have $3,650 in assets to make the top 50%! Over 1/3rd of all the 1% live in the US, and roughly a 1/3rd of the total wealth on the Globe is in the US. If you think the steadily increasing tax rate in the US has helped, then I urge you to look at the wasteful spending of the government, the ever-growing debt load, and drain on creativity that has moved in lockstep with it. Taking money from people who have proven (for the most part) that they know how to create wealth, and giving it to a government, which consistently prove they are poor at effectively creating wealth, and expecting it to help the "poor people" is insane.
They based the report on Credit Suisse's Global Wealth Report 2014. I'd urge you to read that before writing an article based on an article that clearly derives a perverse conclusion from actual data.
It's refreshing to finally read a comment from a man who truly understands satire...
They talk about the 0,01 %
Again with the fucking math. It's .01 or 1%, not fucking .01%. It's no wonder you fuckers will never be here.
Actually, Government has a legitimate role...especially for inelastic markets. They must either regulate or own these markets. In this sector Government is the most efficient producer.
So, by painting with a broad brush, we do disservice to reality.
Nobody commented on this quote from article:
"Quite frankly, a lot of us thought that by buying politicians, rewriting tax laws, and hiding money overseas, we were getting it done"
If the 17'th ammendment were revoked, then access to lawmakers would be restricted in accordance with the founders wishes. Senators are supposed to be political representatives of their states, not shills for lobbyist money.
All money at it root is law.
Rentiers and monopoly forces need to be restrained otherwise civilization cannot exist. To suggest constantly that government is the problem actually helps private rentiers get away with their crimes.
Why is is that money powers historically have attacked the brain center (government) and the reproductive centers of society (credit issuance). They want cover for their activity.
Wealth held by the bottom 50% of people is not implicitly equal to 50% of total world wealth.
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You know Hedgers, it's a sad day, when I miss the line 'satirically' at the top of the page, and only just doubt a little bit, that even this is just too over the top, and have to do a search for it.
We're getting to the point where we just can't satirize or make da shid up that comes out, now.
•?•
V-V
May a mammoth sinkhole open underneath Davos and swallow the .1% into the belly of mother earth. If not...JUMP FUCKERS!!!!!
The numbers don't add up. The graph shows the bottom 50% own $2 trillion. The US stock market is nominally worth $20 trillion. And the graph does not speak to the 1%, only the richest 80 induhviduals. If world GDP is about $70 trillion, then total wealth is somewhere between 3 and 10 times that number, say $300 trillion. Then the richest 80 Forbes people own something less than 1% of all world wealth. They would of course be counted with the top 1%, who could then own some $150 trillion. Bottom Line: the article and the numbers presented in the chart are intended to be misleading and obfuscating, more for emotional flamethrowing than enlightenment.
Fishhawk
A wierd presentation.
It implies that a hundred percent of wealth is owned by individuals.
The Great Rush Limbaugh noted that half of the world's wealth is owned by tin-pot dictators, i.e. governments.
Question: North Korea is an egalitarian communist society. How much of North Korea's wealth is owned by the top one percent?
Question: Twenty-eight percent of the land in the United States is owned by the federal government. Fifty-two percent of land in the western United States is owned by the federal government. Who owns the the most wealth in the United States?
Satire or not, it points out the true meaning of "financial sociopath." No matter how much they have, it will never be enough, and they will strike without conscience nor empathy. Just like a python, which probably lead to the book title "Snakes In Suits."