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The Thinking & Drinking Man's Guide To The State Of The Union
In Zero Hedge tradition we provide the thinking man's (unfortunately The State of the Union has just got dumber and dumber over the years) and drinking man's (for those who need libation to persevere through the populism) guide to tonight's imperial leader's prognostications of wealth redistribution. Last year's SOTU saw the most uses of the word "folks" and we are betting (figuratively of course) that tonight's speech will top that for "Peak Folks". Obama has used "love" more than Clinton and "Energy" more than Bush...
President Obama's speeches have lasted 51 to 69 minutes... (via @CSPAN)
Trumping all but Clinton in the last few decades...
Too little too late for The Middle Class American? (via @DKThomp)
Comparing Clinton to Bush to Obama... (via @DomenicoPBS)
We have reached Peak "Folks"...
And "Fair" is surging again...
As The State Of The Union Speech is getting dumbererer...
Since James Madison's 1815 Address, the 'linguistic standard' of the State of the Union speech has plunged. As The Guardian noted last year, the lowest on record was George H.W. Bush's 1992 address - only just beating Obama's 2011 address for 'dumbest' speech ever. Whether this is representative of the American people as a whole or the lowest common denominator is unclear... Dumb and dumber indeed...
Using the Flesch-Kincaid readability test the Guardian has tracked the reading level of every state of the union
and the Top 20 (or Bottom 20 we guess) Lowest average readability test scores for the Presidents...
Probably because the audience is getting drunkerer...
The Simple (but effective) Plan... (via Heavy.com)
And straight up Bingo... (via CNN)
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Drink Responsibly...
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Of course, it's not just Obama that has broken promises. Here is Bloomberg Businessweek's annotated version of 35 years of State Of The Union promises...
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Live feed post coming up shortly...
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The middle class is so yesterday and has no tomorrow.
My SOTU would be about 5 minutes long, focus on toilet water and burrito coverin's, and would conclude with fine Scotch for everyone in attendance.
Fuck POTUS.
I had the trout, now I am on to the gingerbread moonpies and a triple espresso at Second Bar & Kitchen.
An Austonian? Say hi to Alex Jones for me
No one cares what King Putt has to say anymore. However, there is some good news and that is that silver has decisively punctured $18 and gold is about to kick in the door of $1300!
What about those of us who get baked?
.
I'm baked right now.
We baked some folks. Erm, actually that was the fascists.
Erm...
a.k.a National Socialists.
Every party has a name, which perfectly describes that which they are not, eg Democrats, Republicans, etc.
"The middle class is so yesterday and has no tomorrow."
and sad part is they dont even know it...
fucks sake man...
You are so are right I either want to be under a rock or doing the pissing down. Fuck being in the middle of this bull shit.
The third line of Bullshit Bingo is almost guaranteed to get filled...
Bingo, Oh sorry, after my 4th Jonny Walker Double Black it was just Bing.
I gotta get a head start to endure this without kicking the TV screen in.
TV doesn't receive the signal. I took a hammer to my government protected monopoly cable provider's box years ago.
Never looked back. I feel much better now.
I'm a drinking man and I do think. Sometimes the former can impair my judgement on the latter. Sometimes it aids it. So fucking what.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6MlrPESdDI
wanted to put that to music, Sir. So what?
"Work is the curse of the drinking class" - some fucking wise person.
The State of the Union is WRONG!
The Lying Liar who Lies for a Living
......Has no country! He could do the same thing anywhere
No Thanks. I'll see you in London
Surefire way to get wasted...take a swig every time he says "I".
Seriously dude you could die of alcohol poisoning if you do that.
President Dindu Nuffins announces EBT and ESPN for all!
The sheep rejoice.
The Union is Dissolved.
I'd get them all in there and make 5000 gallons of coffee and make them all drink it. Then my speech would be "The doors are locked and nobody's gettin' outta here until we can all agree on something'.
And just go sit the fuck down and wait.
Edukation!..."resources"..."investment"..."compromise"..."bipartisan"..."together"..."plan"..."middle class".
TAX CREDITS!!!
Done.
Sorry, you're using too big of words according to the chart above.
i hope u guys enjoy this as much as i did...
go to the 6:50 mark and watch Farber clown this CNBitch...
cheers.
http://video.cnbc.com/gallery/?video=3000347769
THERE IS NO UNION. Jubal Early
Ok so if i play 1 thru 6 simultaneously.. i should be plastered so fast i miss, the last 97% of the speech.. win win...
Frequency? Me bending over for the hot sausage. (puking)
cazadores for all my ZH friends!
even the mother fucker that always downs me with no counter argument...
In addition to b.y.o.b. ... My advice?
Bring your "prayer book" and "rosary beads" to this one!
Because I have a feeling that if the canned speech is either 10 minutes or 80 minutes long, it won't matter.
Whatever is lied to in this one it's safe to say we may be either a very different Union this time around next SOTU...
Or...
Not one at all!
Night, Night!
Oh and FYI...
#7 is for Russia!!! Will be interesting if #3 becomes #7???
We will have fucking blackout by the night's end.
"u didnt drink that..."
Havana (AFP) - A Russian intelligence warship docked in Havana on Tuesday, a day before the start of historic US-Cuba talks aimed at normalizing diplomatic relations.
H/T to AFP.
A Russian Naval spokesman who spoke anonymously, said Victoria Newstein was in town and owed a 90-day balance to her cell-phone provider.
The spokesman added, "We will of course surreptitiously pay her bill if we have to in order to continue our surveillance."
My SOTU Drinking Game Rules:
1) While Obama is still President, drink.
I have to get toasted just to listen to him.
Your State of the Union bingo game is too much fun! TY ZH
The entire article is brilliant.
The soothing gel Obozo uses ad nauseum are these:
"We need to MAKE SURE.........xyz, etc."
Boobus Americanus who elected this dummy wants someone who will "make sure" they are taken care of from cradle to grave. Even if that grave is imminent, we need to be as"sured" by out nitwit leader. The worst thing that could happen to Boobus is that feeling of anxiety that accompanies reality.
POLITICS FOLLOWS BIOLOGY.
"Fukushima's" gonna hit the "folks" like a ton of bricks. Has the word ever passed his lips?
yeah... more 'free trade' agreements .... just what the former middle class needs MORE of. It'll pass in less than an hour knowing these guys. Fucking over working americans is all these politicians agree on.
I stuck to lite beer, so I wouldn't get too drunk on a weeknight.