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No More "Dog Dung Vacuums" As SkyMall Files For Bankruptcy

Tyler Durden's picture




 

In what will likely end the hopes and dreams of many air travellers hoping to pick up the latest crystal-encrusted iphone cufflinks, upright sleeper, hiccup stick, or dog dung vacuum; Commercial Bankruptcy Investor reports that the companies behind the SkyMall catalogs has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. This news comes as Xhibit - SkyMall's parent company - sees its stock price collapse and December's news that Southwest Airlines (which accounted for at least 7% of SkyMall's sales) would no longer distribute the catalogs. On the bright side, any liquidation is great for those looking to pick up a Diamond Jubilee Queen and Corgi statuette or a Doll-House styled cat litter...

 

As Commercial Bankruptcy Investor reports,

Recent SEC filings by Xhibit Corp., the parent company of SkyMall, may provide some clues as to the problems that the company is facing.  Last week, the company made the following disclosure in a Form 8-K filing:

 

On January 16, 2015, Xhibit Corp. (“Xhibit” or the “Company”), the parent corporation of SkyMall, LLC, announced that it suspended operation of SkyMall’s retail catalog business, which represents a significant portion of the Company’s current consolidated revenue. The Company currently intends to continue SkyMall’s other business operations, including its online retail business, as it explores available strategic alternatives for the SkyMall business. In conjunction with the reduction in operations, the Company terminated approximately 31% of its workforce, the bulk of whom were employed in the Company’s call center operations. The Company cannot predict the impact on sales of the suspension of catalog operations, because a significant portion of catalog generated merchandise sales is believed to be placed by consumers through SkyMall’s website and these sales are not separately tracked. The Company believes that the near-term impact on merchandise sales will be substantial, and will likely increase as the duration of the suspension continues.

 

The Company determined that it lacked sufficient available capital resources to continue implementing its business transformation plan which had been underway since early 2014, and that no viable debt or equity financing currently is available on terms acceptable to the Company.

 

 

The Company has engaged CohnReznick Capital Market Securities, LLC to explore a possible sale and other strategic options for the Company. The Company is actively assessing its strategic options, including a potential filing under Chapter 11 of the Federal Bankruptcy Code.

 

In addition, the company also disclosed in December 2014 that Southwest Airlines would no longer distribute SkyMall catalogs on their flights.  Southwest had accounted for seven percent of SkyMall’s “net merchandise sales” but the “actual negative impact of removing the in-flight catalog from Southwest flights on SkyMall’s net merchandise sales could be greater than 7%” according to Xhibit.

*  *  *

It might be time to look out for fire-sales of the following must-have items...

 

See more here...

 

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Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:00 | 5697542 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Just about ready to order that sweet diamond encrusted rolling guillotine from you too, dang it.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:14 | 5697592 TerminalDebt
TerminalDebt's picture

If you held that thing while you pound your meat it might be very painful

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:43 | 5697676 nuubee
nuubee's picture

Aw cmon ZH... this is comedy gold, it should literally turn into an epic comment section. People must be off this Friday or something.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:46 | 5697689 Big Corked Boots
Big Corked Boots's picture

If they had a store in Camden, NJ, the meat pounder would make the company's numbers for the rest of the year.

Ratchet up the 'knockout game' to the next level, bitchez.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:57 | 5697721 knukles
knukles's picture

Damn, and I was hoping they'd expand the Thia mail order bride section.
Now I'm just gonna not fly anymore.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 17:42 | 5698111 Zirpedge
Zirpedge's picture

This is how I find out that the warranty on my motorized tie rack is voided? On ZH?

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 18:57 | 5698299 0b1knob
0b1knob's picture

Actually the "meat tenderizer" brass knukles looks kind of useful.

Just the thing to do a little tenderization / attitude adjustment on a mugger.  And has plausible deniability.  Hey officer, I'm just taking to my cooking class!

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:14 | 5697544 Romney Wordsworth
Romney Wordsworth's picture

The only assholes who would possibly be interested in buying any of this tacky overpriced crap are either flying in Gulfstreams, or are the 4th Kardashian sister you never heard about.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:20 | 5697607 zuuma
zuuma's picture

You obviously never purchased the affordable "Nite-Lite" slippers, or Beer coaster t-shirt.

 

I can lay on my couch with a beer resting on my navel coaster shirt - while watching football.

Thank you SkyMall!  Rest in peace.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:33 | 5697640 Romney Wordsworth
Romney Wordsworth's picture

Well then excuse my lack of knowledge on the subject. In that case they should be putting their catalouges in Air Force One [& offering Wookie combs, butt plugs, & chicken&waffle scented toiletries].

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 16:18 | 5697780 Chief Wonder Bread
Chief Wonder Bread's picture

I can definitely repurpose that knuckle meat pounder.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 16:24 | 5697795 Romney Wordsworth
Romney Wordsworth's picture

Kanye West already beat you to that idea.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:01 | 5697546 UpAndComing
UpAndComing's picture

Bill Engvall quietly sobs...

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:01 | 5697548 KnuckleDragger-X
KnuckleDragger-X's picture

But, but, but the economy is in full recovery and surging ahead......

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:04 | 5697556 marathonman
marathonman's picture

'The shadow of crisis has passed.'

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:20 | 5697608 sodbuster
sodbuster's picture

Don't think so- he was confused- that was Reggie's cock swinging in front of his face.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:22 | 5697617 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Apparently NOT if your business is in the clouds. Then the shadows remain.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:05 | 5697554 maskone909
maskone909's picture

cant wait to get the wife that blowjob neck brace

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:11 | 5697571 Headbanger
Headbanger's picture

Don't forget the optional head top tray attachment for your beer!

Or scotch..

What?  Me sexist!?

 

Nahhhh..

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:18 | 5697604 Romney Wordsworth
Romney Wordsworth's picture

 "Don't tell me you don't know how to do a blowjob dammit, get down there & CONCENTRATE!"

~Andrew Dice Clay

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:20 | 5697611 sodbuster
sodbuster's picture

Suck Mildred! Suck! Blow is only a figure of speech.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:37 | 5697664 Romney Wordsworth
Romney Wordsworth's picture

Love your username there 'Wildfire' :-)

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:22 | 5697615 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

That's racissst.... I don't know why. I just felt like saying it. Everybody else does.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 16:09 | 5697656 Romney Wordsworth
Romney Wordsworth's picture

The "t" only occurs if you're using a cyrillic alphabet language.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 17:08 | 5697950 crazybob369
crazybob369's picture

Thanks mask!! Just spewed coffee all over my keyboard. You have a sick mind, but funny neverthless.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:07 | 5697566 ...out of space
...out of space's picture

china halt commerce with eu today.

capital control in eu on mondey?

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:08 | 5697568 Bollixed
Bollixed's picture

I thought Skymall was an arm of the TSA responsible for malling passengers in flight. I predict rampant smoking in the bathrooms like in the good old days...

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:17 | 5697591 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

.gov better bail them out before we end up with swanks in the streets.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:14 | 5697593 buzzy_the_pirate_dog
buzzy_the_pirate_dog's picture

Shit, what am I going to read on the plane?

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:16 | 5697594 buzzy_the_pirate_dog
buzzy_the_pirate_dog's picture

Shit, what am I going to read on the plane?

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:24 | 5697622 Gringo Viejo
Gringo Viejo's picture

I've got a warehouse full of "Invisible Pedestrian" Halloween Costumes (Ages 5-12) you can have on the cheap.

If interested contact pullmyfinger@gmail attn: Sid.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:23 | 5697623 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

Noooo, say it isn’t so. I’ll miss those catalogues. It was fun leafing through them and figuring out the fundamental flaw in every product, i.e., the reason it was practically useless and neither Brookstone nor even the Dollar Store would try to sell it. Funny, in all my days of flying I never once saw a passenger using one of those tote bags that converts into a laptop stand and portable office. Nothin like trying to concentrate on a spreadsheet or compose a memo at the terminal gate with three screaming kids and constant messages on a burned out P.A. system blaring in the background. Alas, that apparently didn’t stop some consumers from buying them or the company wouldn’t have lasted as long as it did.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:27 | 5697630 Jethro
Jethro's picture

Xhibit?  LOL!!! Xzibit would be pleased.  "Yo dawg. I heard you wanna sell Skymall, so we put a Skymall in your Skymall, so you can shop while you shop!"

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:38 | 5697658 JRobby
JRobby's picture

Could it be a sign that consumers don't want useless crap anymore?

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:41 | 5697674 utfan62
utfan62's picture

I'll never get that submarine now. Yes they had a small sub for sale around $80,000, I think, the last time I flew.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 15:43 | 5697679 Hohum
Hohum's picture

It's chapter 11, not 7.  They will return better than ever! /s

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 16:01 | 5697732 Miles Plastic
Miles Plastic's picture

I hope this doesn't mean they won't honor the extended warranty I bought for my remote-controlled, solar-powered spy-camera corkscrews.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 16:04 | 5697748 TrumpXVI
TrumpXVI's picture

Oh shit!  I hope this doesn't mean I can't order that sweater made out of live kittens.  I've heard that those are SO soft and warm!

I did buy my laser pointer from SkyMall way back, like fifteen years ago.  That thing is STILL state of the art in terms of power to size.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 16:29 | 5697820 petaloka
petaloka's picture

I pound my meat barehanded.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 16:30 | 5697829 Automatic Choke
Automatic Choke's picture

sign of the times.  who's next?  time to short brookstone and sharper image?

 

i think the new "thing" is rental of storage units to put all the trash you bought from skymall in the last decade......

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 16:32 | 5697837 Rootin' for Putin
Rootin' for Putin's picture

Really?  There were people that actually brought that stuff?

 

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 16:44 | 5697880 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

I thought that the triple-ripple butt plug that played "God Save the Queen" with a GPS locating device would surely keep the company afloat for years.....

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 17:32 | 5698055 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

hehehehehheheheheheheheh

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 17:10 | 5697961 jgonzz
jgonzz's picture

I'll always remember the Elvis head Sno Cone machine.

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 17:30 | 5698049 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

we must bail them out to prevent a skymall GAP

Fri, 01/23/2015 - 20:11 | 5698495 Intoxicologist
Intoxicologist's picture

I got a prototype poop vacuum from one of my bar customers to try out. Somehow, he was involved with it's manufacture. I took it to the animal shelter where I also worked to test it. I dubbed it The Crapolator. Mostly, you had to tease the poop with a shovel to get it to free up and get sucked into the machine. A blade of grass attached may as well have been rebar holding it down. It reminded me of when you vacuum over and over something that refuses to be sucked up, so you pick it up and throw it down again in order to give it one last chance to obey.

A pile of crap ain't no piece of string....

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