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How AT&T Just "Beat"

Tyler Durden's picture




 

... in one simple chart.

Courtesy of @Not_Jim_Cramer

 

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Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:17 | 5712807 Circlehook
Circlehook's picture

Fuck AT&T

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:20 | 5712819 ceilidh_trail
ceilidh_trail's picture

Beat me to it! In my opinion, this has been a cheesy company for a good while.

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 20:23 | 5713627 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture

 

 

How to beat expectations?

Easy:

"He who expects nothing is never disappointed."

 

Wed, 01/28/2015 - 06:10 | 5714999 StandardDeviant
StandardDeviant's picture

"How AT&T Just Got Beat", surely?

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:17 | 5712808 alphamentalist
alphamentalist's picture

wait, everything's not awesome?

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:18 | 5712809 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

@Not_Jim_Cramer is waaaaay better than that imposter.

Wed, 01/28/2015 - 06:10 | 5715000 StandardDeviant
StandardDeviant's picture

Please go pimp your stupid blog somewhere else, preferably somewhere at least passingly relevant.

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:17 | 5712812 B2u
B2u's picture

Humm?  Doesn't the number round up to $1?

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:33 | 5712895 max2205
max2205's picture

Tvee  is worth $100 per month 

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:19 | 5712813 _ConanTheLibert...
_ConanTheLibertarian_'s picture

...the shit out of...

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:19 | 5712820 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

Lowering expectations all the way to the top!

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:28 | 5712861 Son of Captain Nemo
Son of Captain Nemo's picture

Does the "Death Star" have it's own "Rule 48" button?!!!

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:36 | 5712886 ziggy59
ziggy59's picture

We become my avatar , Bizarro World, more and more, daily...y

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:33 | 5712898 lester1
lester1's picture

GAAP vs non-GAAP 

 

Big difference in reporting.

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:33 | 5712905 cigarEngineer
cigarEngineer's picture

Too funny. I'm waiting for Tylers to get their own special on Comedy Central.

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:36 | 5712913 I woke up
I woke up's picture

Horrible company to deal with, I can't imagine how bad it is to work there. 

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:39 | 5712928 Mitch Comestein
Mitch Comestein's picture

ATT is a buyback poster boy.  Once the 2B annual buybacks stopped that is when the stock started to go down.  YOU HAVE GOT TO CHECK OUT THE CURRENT RATIO.  IT IS NEGATIVE BIGTIME.  It is not a good hold until they clean up there balance sheet which will hit the stock price dearly!!!

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:46 | 5712944 quasimodo
quasimodo's picture

Fuck AT&T. I'm done with them after my contract is up soon. Customer service is an absolute joke, in fact it's almost comical how bad it is when one has to call in and navigate the labyrinth of phone options, only to hear "We are currently experiencing heavy call volume, your estimated wait time is one hour, please..........". 

When the hell are they NOT experiencing heavy call volume? If it were not for my effing job requiring I have a smart phone I would get a basic old skool flip phone.

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 18:15 | 5713077 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

You have to call AT&T when the Philippines is just starting their day.

Helper Link: http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/philippines/manila

The banksters need to repay us.

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:48 | 5712955 Duc888
Duc888's picture

 

 

 

 

....and then there's Sprint.  Don't even gooooo there.

 

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 18:37 | 5713210 Blano
Blano's picture

Oh God no kidding. Probably easier to get inside the White House than get a live human on the phone at Sprint. 

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:53 | 5712969 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

I thought AT&T went out of business in the 90s ?????

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:56 | 5712980 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  I'm surprised the BLS doesn't do that with the weekly jobs data... Ohh wait, they're the ones that taught ATT the trick.

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:55 | 5712988 csmith
csmith's picture

Inverse relationship btw strong iPhone sales during the quarter and weaker AT&T earnings as subsidies rise...

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 17:59 | 5713005 Keltner Channel Surf
Keltner Channel Surf's picture

Even a protozoa would have trouble doing the limbo under that earnings curve ...

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 18:17 | 5713064 kchrisc
kchrisc's picture

I estimated in January 2014 that I would earn $1,000,000 in 2014.

February: No, wait, $900,000.
March: Okay, $800,000.
May: Accountant says $700,000.
June: Maybe $600,000?
July: This just in, $500,000.
August: I'll round down this time to $400,000.
September: Rain yesterday, so only $300,000.
October: Took a day off, so now only $200,000.
November: Would you believe $100,000?
December: Final estimate: $41,000.

January 2015: W2s say $41,536.47
Woo hoo! I beat my earnings estimate.

The banksters need to repay us.

 

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 18:26 | 5713131 lasvegaspersona
lasvegaspersona's picture

Sorry but I don't get the joke. Where on this chart is the punchline?

Is the chart their earnings ESTIMATE?...which they lowered over time to look fan-fukin-tastic when the real number came in?

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 18:31 | 5713166 Falconsixone
Falconsixone's picture

They just doubled your monthly rate.    HA!

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 18:38 | 5713218 Blano
Blano's picture

Yes. 

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 18:55 | 5713286 overmedicatedun...
overmedicatedundersexed's picture

att lost 3.98 billion in 4th qtr..gee they almost well coulda made money if they had better accountants.

 

ALLAS (AP) _ AT&T Inc. (T) on Tuesday reported a fourth-quarter loss of $3.98 billion, after reporting a profit in the same period a year earlier.

On a per-share basis, the Dallas-based company said it had a loss of 77 cents. Earnings, adjusted for non-recurring costs, came to 55 cents per share.

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 19:07 | 5713329 cheech_wizard
cheech_wizard's picture

For Internet problems when dealing with AT&T

Your first goal is to get to someone who speaks English (St. Louis for DSL internet, Dallas for U-verse internet)

A few notes from my time spent as a help desk operator for AT&T. I worked the business and residential DSL support lines. If you are paying for AT&T's business DSL, you still get the same department. Your only, and I do mean only advantage is that if you need an on-site technician, you are higher in line than a residential customer. You pay a lot more for this, and nothing else. So you have been warned.

Yes, all your Internet DSL trouble calls are routed to the Phillipines first. They will have you muck with your computer, because they are told to do that. Do not follow their instructions, other than to reboot your modem, and or reboot your computer.

If you follow their advice, your computer may end up needing actual service, not to mention possibly reloading your operating system by the time they are done with you.

You need to get your service call escalated to tier 3. Bitch a lot at the Filipinos. Ask to be transferred to St. Louis. Ok, now that you have used your social engineering skills, your next step is to sound really pissed off and ask to speak with a manager. Demand it. No manager will take your call. They will instead transfer you to what is called the "ice desk", where you will be placed on hold for about 5 to minutes, hopefully allowing you to chill out. (Rest your voice, grab a drink while you wait...) The "ice desk" is in Pleasanton, Ca. Do not be dismayed by the wait. This was your ultimate goal all along.

Because now you bitch long and hard but it has to be sincere, so you can get your service call for free, and also ask for compensation for your time wasted. Tell them how that incompetent that Filipino was. Threatening to go to another service provider usually does the trick. If you have played your cards correctly, you can usually get a couple of month's free service or a refund on your next bill...

 

 

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 21:17 | 5713861 johnconnor
johnconnor's picture

I noticed the trend: Indians are becoming too expensive, they are moving to Phillipines, next step Bangladesh...

Tue, 01/27/2015 - 19:35 | 5713438 1stepcloser
1stepcloser's picture

a beat by an RCH for ATT

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