Markets Tumble As FOMC 'Upgrades' Economy & Jobs In Hawkish Statement

Tyler Durden's picture

The 4 key phrases from today's FOMC Statement are:

  • "Strong Jobs Gains" instead of "Solid Job Gains",
  • "Considerable time" sentence dropped entirely
  • "Solid Pace" instead of "Moderate Pace" For Economy
  • Add "Inflation is anticipated to decline further in the near term" as new language

And voila, a hawkish policy statement... sending stocks, crude, and bond yields sliding on the news.


*  *  *

Initial pop and now Stocks, crude and bond yields tumbling...


Crude crashed to new cycle lows...


... just as the Fed predicted moments ago:

The entire curve is dropping (even short-term rates)...


*  *  *

Full Statement:

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kaiserhoff's picture

It's on like Donkey Kong.

NOTW777's picture

guy on cramer tv said things are SO good that we are near "full" employment LOL

Headbanger's picture


flacon's picture

MetallicA Yellen:


Has Taken My Sight
Taken My Speech
Taken My Hearing
Taken My Arms
Taken My Legs
Taken My Soul

Left Me with Life in Hell

maskone909's picture

pretty soon the banks will pay ME to take out a mortgage

LawsofPhysics's picture

Yep. that would be nice.  If low rates are "good", well then, let's do NIRP, but this time, for everyone!!!

nope-1004's picture

Agreed.  Economy is so strong, lets lower those rates further.  Makes sense, no?

Not sure how you can have "strong job gains" and lower inflation at the same time.  Historically stong job gains result in wage inflation and an increase in money velocity - inflation!

They lie so bad.


BaBaBouy's picture

WOW ... EVERYTHING Is Just Perfect! Even GOLDIELocks...

They Are Absolute GENIUSES!

Nothing can Go Wrong Now...

Gaius Frakkin' Baltar's picture

They mean the robots are experiencing strong job gains.

Bay of Pigs's picture

Everything they say is a lie. There is no truth in any of these phony fucking FED statements.

Full employment? Low inflation? Hawkish? lol...

Headbanger's picture














Lore's picture

Why do you keep repeating that? 

Bunghole's picture

He bought a Chinese sex toy that continually rams 12" up his poop chute.

Headbanger's picture

And how do you know know of these things??

Oh yeah.. Your moniker sdays it all.

And thank you for not breeding.

max2205's picture

A historic time to lock in a short on the 30 year

Never One Roach's picture

" There's never been a better time then NOW !" they say.


I'm thrilled !


92 million out of the work force, highest use ever of EBT'ers, too-many-to-count boxes in shadow inventory, zero yield on hard working savers' accounts as far as the eye can see, Biggest and Fattest Wall Street Bonuses ever, and massive collapse of the O&G sector.

Fuki still spewing radioactive death across the pacific, Japan and China on the verge of war, Ukraine turned into the next war-torn Lebanon look-alike, Barry bowing to the 9-11 perps [while Chewbakka's frown goes viral] ...


What's not to like ?

Lore's picture

First Lady Michelle Obama Shakes Hands With Saudi King (CNN)

President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama made a quick stop in Saudi Arabia on Tuesday to pay respects to the late King Abdullah, and to hold meetings with the new leader, King Salman bin Abdulaziz. But one aspect of the encounter stood out to reporters covering the receiving line at the palace: the first lady shook hands with the king.

Islamic law generally forbids men from touching women to whom they are not related. However, that rule is often times overlooked when official diplomatic delegations visit the kingdom.

...Obama also did not cover her head, eschewing strict religious and cultural customs in Saudi Arabia, where women wear a full-body garment called an abaya and cover their heads with a hijab or the more conservative niqab, which has only a slit for the eyes.

These rules apply to WOMEN...

new game's picture

bitchez and bastardz need not apply...

BullyBearish's picture

As everything else is upside down, the one woman who SHOULD wear a full face covering, doesn't

McMolotov's picture

That's not a first lady, it's a man, baby!

Bossman1967's picture

Come on Yellen said the economy is solid that job growth is solid and my ASS is swollen. UNBEIEVEABLE as I used to make over 200,000$$$ a year now I cant find a job worth taking so I will be SOLID in my belief these worthless poluticians can kiss my ass and head to the mountains and live off my investments in my solids.

Bokkenrijder's picture

Tumble? Come on, it's down 1 lousy percent, let's not get carried away here.

NOTW777's picture

if the economy keeps up at this healthy fed pace oil will be at $20 and UE will be 2% LOL

kaiserhoff's picture

PIIGS bonds following oil, in

fünf, vier, drei, zwei ...



McMolotov's picture

"It's morning in Cramerica."

disabledvet's picture

Whres my MEAT on my Big Mac Ronnie?

El Gringo's picture

Jim Cramer is a Jew therefore he lies.  If everyone just understood that everything a Jew says is a lie then things would go much smoother.

stocktivity's picture

Funny how every single word in the statement is scrutinized. How about this word...Bullshit!!!

McMolotov's picture

There are plenty of morons who post on CNBS who still think the market runs on fun-durr-mentals. They're a special kind of stupid.

nope-1004's picture

A majority of them are paid trolls to sway public opinion.  Fascism in this country runs deep.

Pool Shark's picture



Don't bother reading what the fed says; only look at what they do.

The fact that they aren't raising rates despite their claimed "strong jobs gains" and "solid pace" economic growth, says all you need to know...

surf0766's picture

raising rates would cause dollars to come back into the US and increase the inflation rate. They know this  and do not actually want it to happen.

Pool Shark's picture




Additionally, it would:

1) Increase federal deficits as the cost of servicing the national debt jumps,

2) Destroy banks with duration mismatches in their loan portfolios (i.e., borrowing short; lending long),

3) Destroy what's left of the housing market, and by extension:

4) Destroy what's left of the so-called 'improving' economy.

So, when the Fed says they 'want' 2% inflation; they're full of sh*t.


Once again: don't listen to what the Fed says; look at what they do...


surf0766's picture

We are so far upside down it is sometimes hard to understand

Soul Glow's picture

I wonder when the President's Working Group will go short equity.  All in the name of market stability of course, because the profit will be given back to private US banks that stimulate the economy with their services (jobs and such) like the Federal Reserve and Goldman Sachs.

Carpenter1's picture

But, but, the FED has to do QE4....They'll never raise rates.



FED is not your friend, time to wake up to that fact.

new game's picture

organized above the law crime syndicate. oatlcs.

Roger Shermanator's picture

This is what it's come down to... "markets" based entirely upon the different variations and synonyms of a few words.

Romney Wordsworth's picture
Romney Wordsworth (not verified) Jan 28, 2015 2:23 PM

JANE[t], you ignorant slut!

Number 156's picture

Shes more than ignorant, shes a ventriloquists dummy they trot out every now and then to disseminate deceptive utter nonsense. Hilsenrath could have been the FED charmain as he does exactly the same job.

Someone else is calling the shots.

Lore's picture

There are no shots to be called. Fed policy is irrelevant except as a mechanism for propping up and enriching the financial complex. That's ALL.  Real economists aren't listening, except to measure the incredible harm being done to the real economy.

Rainman's picture

I made a strong poop today and it came out at a solid pace

Romney Wordsworth's picture
Romney Wordsworth (not verified) Rainman Jan 28, 2015 2:32 PM

Nice tits!

Dickweed Wang's picture

Here I sit, broken hearted, tried to shit, but only farted.

Anonymous (On about 5,000 bathroom stalls)

McMolotov's picture

Time to get in there and buy that fucking dip.